Many get into new relationships feeling solely with their hearts. Love isn’t blind, people are and because of it many willfully get into bad relationships that often leave them in places they never imagined and sometimes it means; dead. When an individual get into a new relationship, it’s imperative they look at the whole picture and not simply what’s on the surface. Feeling solely with the heart is never good. When people do this they miss or completely ignore the signs staring them right in their faces. We all have missed the signs at some point in life due to immaturity. I’ve always said, maturity doesn’t automatically comes with age. Unfortunate, but true! Stop making excuses for bad decisions and figure out why you make them over and over. As you continue to read, I pray you can take something away from what’s written.
THE FIRST MEETING
This is where it all goes wrong. Why you may ask? It’s because this is where the focus is lost. People lose focus (some never had it in the first place) when money, status, title, looks, sex, or material things comes into play. Yes sex; some people go at it right away. RED FLAG. It’s a red flag, because in 2014 some people actually still have sex on their first meeting. This is a clear indication there’s something wrong with both individuals. Some people use what they have (looks, title, sex, status, money) to drawn others in. When people do this, it means something is wrong with them. None of it will last (money may, but then again it may not). One thing for sure is it can’t EVER buy love, it can buy the person, but NEVER love. People come in different cultures, shapes, sizes, and genders, and populations and they have looks, titles, status, money, and good sex. Nothing a person has tells who they are upon meeting them. If an individual doesn’t know who they are as a person, how can they figure out anyone else? They can’t and this is where it goes wrong.
ARE THEY ALREADY INVOLVED
Is the person you’re attracted to and want to know better already in a relationship? If so, RED FLAG! This clearly tells you major information about the other person. Some of these people will swear they’re good people and they may be on the norm, but the bottom line is they aren’t in this particular situation. If a person cheats with you, they will cheat on you. Too many continue on with these relationships, setting themselves up for heartache and pain. A man or woman who is already in a relationship yet trying to get with you is a form of disrespect all around. They have no respect for self, their significant other, or you. They make you feel special or honored that they want to get with you. It’s total bull. Stop falling for it. This has red flags all over it. Anyone who goes along with it, it tells you something about yourself. You have securities you need to deal with that make you sale yourself short. You will find you’re simply not that special. The person will cheat on you too! This causes unnecessary drama in the life of anyone who goes along with starting a relationship with someone who’s already involved. A cheater no matter how good he treats you is a player, bottom line. If you accept a player expect to be played. Don’t do it!
WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THEM
Outside of already being in a relationship there are so many other things that could be going on. I will try to name a few below:
Pedophiles present themselves to women everyday and women are accepting them into their lives and the lives of their children. Many children are abused by these types of people while the women willfully allow it. It’s tragic, but it’s the truth. If you don’t believe it, research it yourself. I don’t know what women or men think when they get with these types of individuals. “A zebra doesn’t change its stripes.” You know why individuals get with these types of people? It’s because they have issues themselves. Children have no say or control over what their parents do. It’s not fair to children who have to deal with the mistakes of their parents, by having to be raped or molested by pedophiles brought into their lives by their messed up parent/s. Too many women know this up front, but they’re blind by their way of thinking.
Physical, Verbal, Mental, Emotional Abusers are people with their many issues. These types of individuals don’t face their issues, instead they take them into the lives of others. Those who get involved with these types of people know through signs something is wrong, but again they are being lead by their hearts. It’s not cute to be playfully slapped or called names. Some individuals get involve with others who immediately show signs of this, because it’s all they know and are accustomed too. RED FLAGS! During dating, NEVER settle for any form of abuse. Walk away while you can. Too many are trapped because they choose to follow their hearts and didn’t accept the truth staring them in their faces in the very beginning. When the abuse escalates later, it is absolutely no coincidence. People want to make excuses for not seeing the signs, but the signs are always present in some way whether subtle or not.
Do they contribute too or take away from the relationship? If they can’t or won’t contribute; please tell me what is the point? There isn’t any! Too many people get with individuals who are slothful and have no ambition or drive of any sorts, because of good looks. We all want someone attractive, but if all you’re going by is physical attraction, SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU! People are attracted to others for many reasons other than physical. There is nothing wrong with having someone good looking, but if that’s all they have; BYE! So many go wrong here; they’re allowing their hearts to lead. Some of you see someone good looking and you lose focus. If you lose focus, baby you lose control! The good looking person you’re so into could have a disease or could be a complete lunatic. You ever heard “everything glitters isn’t gold.” Trust me; it isn’t! If you’re the type to go for this, RED FLAG! Something is wrong with you and therefore you need to figure it out! Stop being desperate, because desperate people are treated exactly how they act.
Do they practice a sexual behavior different from your preference? If they do RED FLAG! Do not go any further into the relationship. If you’re a woman who gets with a man who also like men, do you think you’re it for him? If you’re a man who gets with a woman and she likes other women, do you think you’re it for her? YOU’RE NOT and it’s foolish for you to think so. You think what you have or how you can lay down the sex means you will change the other person. YOU’RE DREAMING! What the other likes will eventually surface in your relationship and slap you right in your face. It will not be a coincidence. Know your limitations and boundaries and stand firmly on them. No one is worth you doing something you don’t want in the name of what you think is love. It’s NOT LOVE!
Are they into substance abuse? If you know they are, please don’t falsely think that you can save them, because you can’t. What normally happens is you’re pulled into their world. Are you willing to risk it? THINK ABOUT THIS; if this person means you any good, they wouldn’t try to coerce you into their world. I don’t care what they do or say when they’re sober, you can’t fix them. Those who get involved with substance abusers often lose themselves in the midst of their fight to save the other person. The only person you can save is you! “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.” A person can love you and change for a brief moment to get you, but they will ALMOST ALWAYS revert back to their old ways, because they didn’t change for themselves. A person has to change because they want too and not for anyone else in order for it to be lasting change. You can support them, but please allow these types of people to get help and come out of their addictions, before you go falling all in love. You will wish you had!!!
There are always signs and these signs indicates controlling, abusive, possessive, or obsessive behaviors, but individuals choose to over look the signs. Choosing to continue in relationships with any of the types of people listed above is a mistake. You will always get exactly what you allow and accept. People make terrible decisions in thinking they can change the person. No vagina or penis is magical. Individuals only have a distorted way of thinking due to issues they have; which contributes to their decisions. No one can change someone else. You can’t save another person. You can’t figure out someone when you don’t know yourself. People constantly pack junk on top of junk and end up with a complete mess!!
Work on yourself and figure out why you do what you, why you allow what you allow, why you accept what you accept into your life. People do it most likely because they’re holding on to something they can’t do anything about (issues of the past). A person’s past will mess them up if allowed. It will keep them stuck and repeating the same cycle over and over. Actually it’s not their past it’s their way of thinking of memories of their pasts. Dealing with and changing the way you think will change your feelings, behaviors, and lives. It’s guaranteed!! You will make better decisions about everything and you will see the signs that are in your face. You will love you and know that you deserve better. You will walk away from things that aren’t good for you.