Many will be able to relate to this post. I can’t tell you the amount of people (all ages, race, and gender) I’ve met over the years who are allowing their past to interfere and sabotage their lives. The past for each of us is long gone. In reality the truth is no one’s past causes them pain. It can’t; because it is no more. What causes an individual pain is the memories they hold of their past. These memories are derived from our thoughts. Our thoughts fuel everything in our lives. It determines how we perceive any situation whether traumatic or not. If you take things in and consider them as bad, bad is how you will mostly react to them.

People are stuck in their lives due to unfortunate events they experienced years before. They hold on to thoughts which in return fuels their feelings and behaviors. They continue to go back to those memories and by doing so it continues to make them think, feel, and react a certain way to what they’re thinking about. This is doing nothing but sabotaging the ability to grow.

No matter what a person has endured as a child they can get past the pains of it, IF they really want to. People for whatever reason no matter how much pain and drama it causes in their lives will hold on to what they are familiar with. This is due to distorted ways of thinking. As children it is true troubles in life are started by others, because as a child you’re exposed to other people (parents, siblings, friends, other family, and others). As a child you don’t really comprehend what it means to take ownership of your actions, etc. You don’t understand how to effectively deal with traumatic episodes.

When a child goes through these traumatic periods in life if they don’t resolve what’s ailing them before entering into adulthood they will move on through their stages of development, but they don’t grow. They remain fixated in whatever stage they haven’t resolved. They then grow into adults who are still carrying issues of their childhood with them into their adult lives. As a child you may not quite understand how to deal with those issues, but as an adult you can no longer blame them on your past. It’s time to face them and move on from them. If not you will remain stuck for a lifetime. Someone may still not understand what I’m writing. I will try to elaborate with a few scenarios.

For instance: As a child may have been beaten by your parents, abandoned, neglected, sexually abused, called all kinds of names or something similar. You could have been a child who was raised by substance abusing parents and it’s all you saw as a kid. You may have never been shown love (never was embraced or heard the words I love you). You may of been a kid who had to fend for yourself. You may of had parents who were around but not around (you were raised by the nanny or someone else and you never got the attention you needed). You may have been raised by parents who were so busy being your friend they failed to parent (the home had no structure or discipline and you did whatever you wanted). You may of had parents who fought all of the time (your home was full of chaos). You may of had parents who themselves were depressed, suicidal, etc. You may have been a kid who saw your mom abused in all kinds of ways. You have been molested or raped by parents, family members or friends of the family. The list of examples are endless.

What happens is you hold those feelings inside as you go through your stages of development (toddler, adolescence, teenager, young adult, adult, etc). You’re trying to deal with what you’re going through and in the midst of it all you still continue to grow up. You may become bitter, angry, promiscuous, antisocial, suicidal, homicidal, on and on.

A child who doesn’t bond with their parent; as an adult will most likely have problems forming and keeping intimate relationships (close friendships, significant others, or socializing period). If as a child you’ve been verbally abused or physically abused all of it can cause prolonged issues if feelings are held inward. Anything horrific a child endures as they continue through their stages of development can cause fixation and they will definitely become adults still dealing with the same issues. Most don’t really mature even though they get older and they hide a lot from others. They may become dependent (clingy and needy), co-dependent (happiness based on someone else), lack of esteem, no confidence, alcohol and drug abusers, and many other things. It’s all because they’re dealing with the memories of those past events. They allow this to hold them back in life.

No one on earth has to live way. It’s not the past that’s causing the pain. It’s the memories of it. You must seek help on how to rid yourself of the distorted way of thinking. It is why you keep going through the same things in your current life. This is why many are struggling with issues they can’t seem to get over. It’s all in their way of thinking. Those bitter feelings and the bad behaviors are directly linked to the way you think. Change the way you think and you can change your entire life. You have to really want to do it and have the will to do it. You must be CONSISENT on your journey to change. You don’t have to continue to give your power to memories of your past. Stop treating yourself badly, you dealt with that already. You deserve better, no matter what anyone says. No more negative ways of thinking. It’s time for a change.

You don’t have to walk around hating anyone or being bitter and angry over something that has happened in your past. Many of you don’t speak to family or friends today, because of it. This doesn’t only pertain to dealing with the past. I know this post is about the past, but changing your way of thinking works for every situation you may encounter in life (past or present). Constantly thinking about negative things causes you to have ill feelings about them or causes you to continue holding on to the anger you’ve felt over it. It messes with you; mind, body, and soul. It affects every part of your being and your life.

If this is you, please seek help. You hold the key to change inside, you just have to believe it and want it. Make that first step today! I believe in you and I know it’s absolutely possible.