You’re probably wondering why I talk so much about marriage. If you only knew the people I see who have marital issues. Too many marriages have failed and or continuing to fail. People are making it way harder than necessary.
You’re probably saying to yourself; marriage is supposed to be until death. In my opinion everyone together isn’t meant to be. Many couples shouldn’t of gotten together in the first place. I don’t believe anyone should be in an unhealthy relationship, point blank. Those we love the most sometimes hurt us the most. It’s because of who they are as individuals, but when we constantly take it it’s because of who we are as individuals. I can’t be happy living in misery. I can’t pretend and I’m not fake, so again, this is my opinion based off of personal experience and experiences of others. I’ve seen and heard far too much nonsense which has been ridiculous and unimaginable.
I’ve set across from individuals (couples and singles) who endure mistreatment by the ones who supposedly love them the most. It’s not love. Let me elaborate. Often times a person may truly believe they love you, but because of how messed up they are inside their behaviors shows something totally different. This is no excuse, it’s the truth. However, I don’t call this love. You may, but I don’t. A person who truly loves another person will not put them through unnecessary or unwarranted hell. Get yourself together, before you want to commit to anyone. If you don’t you will do nothing but wreak havoc into the other person’s life. This is why I constantly preach know who you’re getting with.
I’m guilty too! Back in the day I ignored the signs staring me in my face until reality slapped me like a four by four across my head. Once you mature and develop everything about you changes. Once you know better you should do better. Sadly some of you know better, but you don’t choose to do better. You choose to stay with what’s familiar despite of the pain it brings.
Too many of you are getting into relationships leading into marriage when you’re about as ready as a woman to give birth to a 50 pound baby. Metaphorically speaking it means (you’re NOT ready). Despite of this reality you continue on with it. I don’t care your sob reason for doing it. You shouldn’t do it! Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment. So many people get married knowing full well they’re not wanting to nor are they ready to.
You’re out still playing single right up until the day you’re married. Some of you cheat before, the day of, and after you’re married. You act single after you’re married. The truth has a harsh way of biting you right in the buttocks! This makes no sense at all. Why marry?
You’re married, yet you hide your ring when you want to meet someone. This is your sorry approach to pretending to be single. It’s immature, irresponsible, foolish, and a plain lie. If you’re doing this, why marry?
You’re hanging out at the clubs or with your boys/girls as if you don’t have a spouse at home. Whose by the way on the back burner in your life. You’re always arguing with your spouse about it. You’re going home at all hours of the night and morning. Why did you marry?
You treat your spouse like an old dirty rag. You do whatever you want. You speak to him or her however you choose. You show them no respect at all. You should honor and adore your spouse. Some of you don’t really like your spouses, let alone love them. Why marry someone and don’t know how to treat them?
You go whenever you choose and because you’re an adult you feel that gives you the right to do so. Let me tell you IT DON’T! You should give the same courtesy and respect you want. You should give your spouse the respect he or she deserves by letting them know your whereabouts. It has nothing to do with them trying to keep tabs on you. It’s being respectful and courteous to your spouse. What if something happens, how would they know where you are or how to reach you (because some of you have the nerves not to answer your calls during this time and it’s ONLY because you’re doing something you shouldn’t be doing). Why marry?
Some of you try to avoid introducing your spouses to your friends or others. Sad part is some people don’t even know you’re married because of the way you carry yourself. If you’re ashamed of your spouse or if you’re so into pretending to be single, why have a spouse?
You claim to love your spouse but your actions shows the truth. You want to be with your spouse, yet you also want to be with someone else. Some of you boldly do your thing. In your mind your spouse accepted you this way and knew what they were getting. Unfortunately it’s true, but why did you marry?
You put everyone and their mom before your spouse. You do for others yet you don’t do the very thing for your spouse. For instance; I’ve seen many men open doors for other women, but wouldn’t do this simple act for their wives. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Some of you treat your spouses like dirt under your shoes, but you treat others like expensive fine wine. Please! Why did you marry?
Some of you have your own spaces within your homes and your spouses aren’t allowed in that area. It’s for you and you alone. You get highly discombobulated if you find out they were in your areas. WHAT? I smell a dirty rat! Yes, I said it, you’re up to know good and you know it. No wife or husband should have a place completely secluded from their spouse. I simply don’t believe in this. It causes separation in the home, because people are going home and retreating to these areas while spending no time with their spouses. If you wanted to be alone, why marry?
Some of you tell all of your business. You run to your family and friends about every detail of your marriage, when you should be talking to your spouse. You don’t talk to your spouse, because you don’t want to communicate with him or her. Some of you don’t want to and others don’t know how. IF you wanted to you would and IF you didn’t know how; but you loved your spouse, you would figure it out. For this particular post, I’m talking to those of you who don’t want to. Those of you who put your business out in the streets. When you tell another person, you don’t know who that person will or won’t tell. You’re putting more faith in other people rather than your own spouse. This happens with a lot of mommas boys and daddy girls. Don’t get me wrong, it happens with others too. This causes confusion in the home. If you want to share the details of your marriage with others, why and not your spouse why have one? Your spouse is the one you should be talking to, they’re the one you married.
You can’t have a pleasant and quite moment at home, because every time your spouse looks around the house is full of people (your friends or family). You don’t care how your spouse feels about it, because it’s YOUR friends and family. Well, your spouse should be your best friend and he or she’s also your family. Outside of God (for those who believe) your spouse should be first. If you have or will have children, they will grow up and someday leave the home (hopefully). What you build with your spouse is what will weather the storms. If your foundation is built around your family and friends, your marriage will suffer. If you’re this type of person, why marry?
You don’t want children, you never wanted children, but you KNOW the woman you’re with really WANTS children. Never mind her reasons for marrying you. IF you know you don’t want children WHY marry someone who does? You’re setting yourself up for major problems. You will suffer the consequences of your inconsiderate decision and you will have no one to blame but you! Why marry?
Let me talk about cell phones and computers. Oh no, you didn’t run did you? Even if you did, someone wants to know. You have a cell phone. Yes it’s yours, this is true. However, when you’re married (my opinion only), there should be NO secrets. Some of you have your phones glued to your hips. Those phones are like your breath. At home you put them on vibrate because you know people who shouldn’t be calling and texting you will be doing so. You’re receiving inappropriate pictures and messages. Foolish one, don’t you know everything you send over your phone can be evidence? Although you and the other person may be the only one’s seeing it, it’s no secret. It’s stored somewhere in this world of technology. So you think about that, the next time you do this. If WHATEVER you’re doing you don’t want your spouse to see, hear, or know; then it’s OBVIOUSLY wrong. I know it’s your phone, but I also know it shouldn’t be a problem if your spouse wants to know about a lot of activity going on with it. He or she’s your spouse, there shouldn’t be any worries or ill feelings. We know this isn’t the case. People hide them, lock them, get additional ones and hide them, and every other thing you can imagine. They do it to keep it completely private from there spouses. I think it’s wrong.
I will stop here, I pray you get the point I’m trying to make. If you’re not ready to marry I really stand firmly on the belief that you shouldn’t. When a person marries with all of the other crap going on it’s a disaster waiting to happen. Don’t subject anyone else to your recklessness and carelessness. Let that be you and your own party. Stop getting into marriages knowing you’re not worthy or ready.
To those of you who are so eager to marry you’re willing to put up with anything. You think by marrying it will change your spouse. WRONG! You can’t change anyone. You just can’t. Sometimes people want to change, because they want to become better individuals. These types of people were wanting to change, they were ready, and willing. This is rarely the outcome for many relationships. Stop settling out of your desperation. No matter how harsh it is the reality is this; you may be in love and you may feel you’re ready to marry, but IT DOESN’T mean your significant other is. You must know the truth and you shouldn’t marry unless you’re wholeheartedly willing to accept all of the garbage you’ve accepted thus far. It’s more than likely what you will continue to get.
A celebrity singer by the name of Beyoncé sings a song, “if you like it put a ring on it.” I say you may like it, but please don’t put a ring on it until you love it and in love with it. A ring doesn’t keep a marriage together, a ring doesn’t keep a person faithful, and a ring doesn’t signify a commitment for many; to them it’s just a ring and a way to shut your mouth. It’s about who a person is inside that truly defines them. What’s inside will always be shown in your actions no matter how good you think you are at hiding the truth. So please consider the reasons for marrying anyone. If it’s not genuine no matter what, DON’T DO IT.
For those of you who just want to be marry no matter what. I hope you’re ready to suffer the consequences of your actions, because I promise you that you will. Marriage should be taken seriously and not lightly. It’s a true commitment and testament of love. Unfortunately many of you have no clue to the meaning of the words I wrote in the last sentence. If you don’t, it’s a clear indication you’re one of the people I’m writing about. Marriage is your choice. If you make it, you must be ready to take what you’re going to get in return. It’s never brand new!