TOGETHER YET SEPARATE

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There are many households around the globe who are in this type of relationship. I think it’s a very sad situation to be in. Many couples get together and end up married, but living separate lives. This is something I’ve talked briefly about in other posts. My belief is this happens for several reason.

You all have read enough of my posts to know my thoughts on this. People must know what they’re getting involved in and with whom. I always say, far too many individual’s are marrying for the wrong reasons and after all of the unhappiness  realize they shouldn’t have been together in the first place. Often times one of the two is truly in love and want the marriage to work, while the other is only going along for the ride. However there are times neither are in love, but for whatever reason still choose to marry (friends, family, pregnancies, and other reasons). This only causes unnecessary stress in their lives. If the walls could talk they would truly tell interesting and very sad stories.

Although married, both men and women have feelings of loneliness when they’re living separate within their homes. This causes so much heartache and pain for couples especially when there’s at least one who wants the relationship to work. It also open the door to other things and people to come into the relationship causing the couple even more problems.

People get married and begin to allow everything to come before their marriages. YOU CAN’T DO THIS! No matter what or who in order for marriages to flourish into strong relationships individuals must take time for one another. Quality time is of upmost importance in any marriage. Having children, friends, family, work, school, sports, video games, etc..etc; none of it should eliminate a couple’s quality time together. Excuses shouldn’t be an option when it comes to making time to be together.

Couples get together and before marrying some of them allow other things to interfere and once they get married it continues to happen. If you’re with someone and the availability to be together is already scarce, it probably won’t change once you get married. There are so many things that causes separation within the homes. You’ll end up a lonely spouse. If you’re not attentive to one another, this can happen before you realize it.

One thing I found out during talking with individuals and couples is that people have too distractions in their homes. There are too many televisions, game systems, computers, IPAD, cell phones, and other things that causes separation. Those in rocky relationships also has to contend with all of the other stuff that’s causing separation outside of them not getting along. Sometimes these other things are causing the separation and other times the separation is causing individuals to get more into the other things.

Any couple who wants to change this in their relationship can. It takes work, commitment, and consistency. You can’t take one another for granted or IF you catch yourself doing so, you must get those actions in check. Stop allowing things and people to come in between your relationships. Stop all of the separate living within your homes. It becomes quickly becomes habit.

Sleeping separate can cause major problems as well. Some people make it work, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’ve always said if couples are sleeping separate for medical reasons that’s one thing, but to do it, because you’re mad at one another or you want your space, I don’t think it’s a good idea. People become comfortable very quickly. Before you know it you find it hard to go back living as a couple.

One thing for certain is what’s not important to one before marriage, will not be important after marriage. The same behaviors will be exhibited and sometimes the behaviors are worse. People listen; a relationship doesn’t start after marriage, you must have a solid foundation before you get married.

Think about it! If you want to change your situation, you must do something different right? It’s up to you! If you continue to live separate in and outside of your homes your relationships will not work. Stop the separation. It’s up to you! You can’t EVER make another person love you no matter how much you may love that person.

Don’t start your relationships accepting any and everything, because you will feel the consequences of your actions later. No joke!!! If you choose to marry, you should work at your marriage. It should be very important to you! You must work together, it shouldn’t be a one sided effort! It takes both of you to make it work. Set aside quality time and do whatever it takes to NOT allow separation in your homes!

LEARNING TO SAY NO

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Some of you don’t know what it means to tell someone no. You obviously think you’re superman or superwoman. Let me burst your bubble real quick. Those are mythical figures they aren’t real. No one can do it all for everybody. Some of you give it a good try, but once you become broken down like an old car you realize it doesn’t work. Right? Trying to do so only leaves you stressed out and some of you to the point of depression. People will absolutely wear you down and out if you allow. They will drain you and see you’re drain, but will still try to get something out of you. It’s not their fault it’s yours for allowing it.

You’re only one person and it’s completely impossible to meet the demands of everyone who asks. It’s time you learn how to say no. This is the only way you will be able to gain some control in the midst of your chaotic life. When you try to do everything for everybody you find yourself stressed out. Some of you get so stressed it leads to depression. It’s not worth it. Learning to say no will lighten the unnecessary burden you’re carrying around.

Sure when you say no, some people will feel some kind of way about you. So what! They will feel some kind of way whether you continue to do things or not. People will constantly call on you to do the same things. It’s up to you to put your foot down and say NO! If a person is constantly asking you to do the same things or asking you for the same things (money, borrow something else, etc). It means it has become habit forming. They have started taking you for granted.

Sometimes some people act as if they don’t know what they’re doing to you, but they know. It’s time you change your behavior because it’s the fuel you’ve given them to continue to ask. Some people won’t change what they’re doing until you stop it. These types of people know EXACTLY what they’re doing, because they are those who love to prey on the weaknesses of others. By now you know you have a problem with telling people no. You realize you’ve been stressing yourself and more than likely you’ve done it for years.

Let’s explore a few reasons some people have a hard time saying no. People like this normally are dealing with a lot of other issues. They’re probably people pleasers. You do everything possible to make others like you. You spend money on them trying to please the people you like. Some of the people you’re spending money on don’t like you, they like what you do for them. You go above and beyond trying to please others.

Some of you are individuals who love it when others need you. You’re co-dependent and dependent. You’re worn ragged, but you still try to be there for people. To you it’s out of a sense of commitment and obligation. You feel happy when the other people are happy. This is nonsense! Saying no every now and then frees up some of the time you need for yourself. Time you need to de-stress and take care of you! Most of the people asking are taking you completely for granted but because of your many issues you don’t see it.

Some of you take on everything someone ask of you. You have several things going on at one time and it’s killing you to continue to keep up. You’ve allowed it to interfere with your daily functioning. It has stressed you completely out. The thought of not being able to keep it up also stresses you out. It’s sad, but so many are in this category.

Whether you know it or not, you’ve basically made a name for yourself. People know they can come to you and you will jump to whatever is asked of you. This type of behavior messes with your overall being. It affects you mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You can’t do it all. No one can do it all and people must stop trying. It’s an impossible mission to complete.

Vulnerability, inability to say no, people pleasing, eagerness to be accepted, eagerness to please, low esteem, lack of confidence, along with many other issues; has caused many of your lives to become more chaotic than ever. Many of you end up with medical problems or mental health issues, because of your inability to say no. There are underlying issues causing you to be this type of person.

Learning to love yourself will help tremendously. When you truly love yourself, you’re careful how you allow others to treat you. There are things you need to deal with and one great way to help yourself is by implementing the word NO into your vocabulary. Don’t worry about what others will say or do. Don’t feel bad for doing it. Do it today and watch how it changes your life!

 

TRUSTING SOMEONE WHO HAS CHEATED ON YOU

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The first thing I want to say is it is possible. I won’t even try to make excuses for people who cheat on their significant others. To me there’s no excuse. I don’t believe in it at all. Nothing just happens and it’s never a mistake. People willfully get into affairs (physical, emotional, or both) It’s not a fluke. It’s an intended and a willful act. Before people decide to cheat they should always put themselves in the shoes of their significant others. Could you handle it if it happened to you? If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out. You must always consider the consequences, because believe me; you will face them.

When you’re out cheating you don’t know what you’re getting into (especially when you’re cheating with random people). There are many true stories about people who get with sexy men or women who unknowing to them have AIDS or other diseases. You have sex with these people risking your life and the lives of your significant others.

Some of you end up with psychos who end up wreaking havoc in your lives and the lives of your loved ones. You ever seen a movie called “Fatal Attraction?” If you haven’t check it out! Then there are some of you who cheat with individuals who take you for everything you have. There are many types of scenarios I could mention. When you’re cheating you never know what you’re getting into. It may be all fun and games to you, but it may be a completely different story to the one you’re cheating with or cheating on.

However, through it all and despite of it all it is possible to move on and beyond it if individuals are willing. This post is for both the one who is finding it hard to trust again and for the ones who’ve cheated.

The biggest problem I’ve found with individuals learning to trust again is when the person who defiled the relationship by cheating says “I need for you to trust me,” knowing full well they’re still cheating. Some of these cheaters nag the heck out of their significant others to trust them. Why? Why ask for forgiveness and trust when you’re #1 still cheating, #2 not serious in your asking,  and # 3 you’re trying to force it?

Some cheaters cry their eyes out. You carry on like big babies pleading your sorry until the cows come home, yet you’re still cheating. You know you are! You have the gall to get mad when your significant other can’t seem to trust you. You will say things like, “if you can’t trust me we can’t keep going on like this, or I need for you to trust me.” Please! People like this have some nerves! You have no idea the pain you’ve caused. The only time you all seem to get it is when you’re on the receiving end of the situation. Get yourself together and straighten out your life. You don’t deserve to be trusted if you’re not doing right. Stop asking when you know you’re DEAD wrong! Stop causing pain to the one you’re supposed to love. Figure out why you’re the way you are and deal with your issues. This is the only way your relationship will work, you must change your ways.

Many of you know you’re not serious when you ask for forgiveness. You want trust without honesty. What I mean is, you want to be trusted, but you’re not willing to do right by your significant other. You’re not ready to give up what you’re doing. You’re still lying, deceiving, and cheating. If you don’t change you’re risking the possibility of losing what you have. You can’t move forward until you fix you.

Some of you give ultimatums. The nerve of you! This isn’t right! You cause the problem and then you turn around and give ultimatums when the other person is finding it hard to trust or believe in you. To trust again IS NOT on your terms or whenever you feel it’s time. You have to give the other person the opportunity to accept and deal with it. You don’t have the right to try an force it. You cheat, but then you turn around and try to tell your significant other it’s time to move on. You don’t want to hear or talk about it anymore. This isn’t right! You must give your significant other time to process it, deal with it, and heal. They have every right to decide if they will stay or leave your cheating butt behind.

Some of you won’t change your ways no matter what. You want to be forgiven, ONLY because you don’t want to hear about it anymore. IF you’re forgiven on YOUR terms it is putting the ball in your court. Your significant others has basically given you the power. You know you have the upper hand and you’re likely to continue cheating. You’re masters of manipulation. You’ve lied, begged, and plead so much you’re a master at it.

Sometimes people cheat and after realizing the devastation it has caused they will not cheat again. These are individuals who realized and accepted the consequences of their actions. They understood they were wrong and decided to never put their loved one through it again. Although you were wrong to cheat, I can still take my hat off to you for cleaning your act up. It may have cost some of you your relationships, but the most important thing is learning from it and never doing it again.

Often there are individuals who can’t seem to get past infidelity. It definitely takes time. A person has every right to take the time they need to deal with it. A lot to times individuals make decisions to leave their relationships. They don’t want to continue on with someone they can’t trust and who has defiled the relationship. On the other hand there are others who decide to stay. They accept what has happened, they deal with it and move on. Then you have those individuals who can’t seem to get over it. They claim to forgive, but they can’t let it go. If you say you forgive and you choose to stay you must be willing to move on. You can’t keep bringing it up every time the other person looks around. No matter how much it pains you, you must move on. There has to be a point where you either get over it or decide to move on away from the relationship. You CANNOT constantly bring it up, because you will further damage an already damaged relationship. Your relationship may as well be over, because it won’t work if you continue to bring up the affair.

Some of you are so desperate you will constantly endure infidelity in your relationships. You will act as if it’s your fault. It wasn’t you who cheated and you shouldn’t take the blame. Many cheaters will put the blame on you in order to take it off of them. However, when you constantly accept being cheated on it says a lot about you! You’re insecure and you have issues that have debilitated you. Your significant other know they can do whatever they want as long as they come home and throw you a bone every now and then. It’s so sad to see individuals who allow themselves to be treated so disrespectfully. Cheating is an issue within the cheater, but to constantly accept this type of treatment also shows you’re someone who has issues as well. As an individual it doesn’t matter who you are; you will be treated by others exactly how you allow. According to how you treat yourself, people know exactly how to treat you. You take foul treatment from others according to issues you have and allow to dictate your life.

A one time affair may or may not end the relationship. It doesn’t have to end the relationship IF the cheater never cheats again and is truly remorseful for what they’ve done. However, when a person doesn’t take in consideration how they’ve hurt you and they continue to cheat, this is another story. To me, this type of individual doesn’t deserve to constantly receive free passes. SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE! His or her feet must be held to the fire and they should have to deal with the consequences of their actions. It may mean them going to counseling or seeking some form of help. It may also mean existing the relationship. It’s the decision of the person being cheated on don’t let the other person make the decision for you.

There are many reasons people come up for cheating. The bottom line is people can make any excuse they want for cheating, they’re ALL wrong! There is no excuse for it. If you’re in a committed relationship you shouldn’t become involved with someone else. It takes two people to make a relationship work, but it only takes one of the two to mess it up. Some of you are trying to have the best of both worlds, but it just doesn’t work! If you can’t stay committed DO NOT COMMIT!

LOVING SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T LOVE YOU

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There are many people in this world who are suffering emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically over someone they love who doesn’t love them back. You were once in a loving relationship, but now you’re not. You’re not handling it well. You’ve allowed it to cause total dysfunction in your life. How you’re thinking is brewing emotions in you and those emotions are causing you to act out. It’s affecting your everyday life (work, home, etc).

There is no situation you can’t make it through if you make up your mind to do so. People get stuck in situations of their own freewill. It’s a choice! How you go through anything is a personal choice. Many people don’t understand this, but it’s true. You can’t take a situation in and hold it in as negative. No matter the situation, you can take it in as (it is what it is) and move on from it. You must live through the moment and then move on. Too many are remaining stuck! They’re stuck and unable to move forward, because they’re holding on to what they want instead of accepting the situation as it is and continuing to live their lives. This is where the problem comes in for many of you.

How long you’ve been together doesn’t matter when it comes to your peace of mind. If a person constantly focuses on how long they were with someone it can affect their way of thinking. You get caught up on all of the time you spent together and this causes some of you to slip deeper into your depressive states. People become victims of their own circumstances when they allow their situations to keep them stuck.

You and ONLY you can control how you’re thinking and acting. If it’s over, let it go. People have a right to be sad about a breakup, but you shouldn’t EVER let it knock you down and out! You should have your moment to grieve your loss, but afterwards you need to move on. Stop giving your power to someone who doesn’t want to be with you and who has moved on with their life. A breakup isn’t the end of the world. When people are totally distraught it means they’ve given all of their energy to someone else and without the other person they feel completely lost. Many in relationships are guilty of this. They fall in love and completely lose themselves in the other person. Their entire lives are circled around the person they love. Many lose focus on their dreams, because they’re engulfed in helping the other person accomplish theirs. Every single thing is surrounding the other person. In a relationship I believe you should love the other person, but not more than you love yourself. What I mean is this; when you give your everything to the other person, you tend to forget about yourself. These are the people who can’t function when their relationships end. They’re in total disbelief, denial, and shock.

When people allow things to play around in their heads the thoughts grow into something bigger. It keeps individuals focused on what they once shared and still want with the other person. Some individuals feel this way, because they’re suffering from issues and the breakup added to it. Please don’t misunderstand me. I get it! I know people are different and they handle things differently. I know people have the right to take time to deal with their loss (breakups). What I do not agree with is how long people allow themselves to suffer and how some people handle their losses. Pain is something we all have experienced and will experience in some form or another until the day we die. How we handle it is another thing. People handle it differently according to what they have going on inside of them (which is the true core of who they are).

Those who can’t handle it, but allows for it to handle them should re-evaluate themselves. These individuals have to come to terms that the relationship is over. They must take into consideration how they’ve allowed it to affect their lives. They must understand the power they’ve given to the other person. The person you love has moved on and are probably with someone else while your depressed, unhappy, sad, suicidal, homicidal, and everything else.

There has been many instances where individuals have killed or harmed themselves. They have killed or harmed others; in the name of what they call love. It’s not love. If a person gets to this point it’s not love. For whatever reason it’s become possession and obsession. Many people get into relationships with individuals who already have issues in thinking they can save or change them. YOU CAN’T!! Many have lost their lives in these types of relationships, because the people they love aren’t capable of handling rejections or breakups. They’d rather kill or be killed then to let the person they love go. They’d rather spend their days suicidal, depressed, or plain unhappy then to move on. If this is you, please seek help! There’s someone out there who can love you, but you will never know if you’ve lost control and pining over someone who doesn’t want to be with you. No one is worth your life, freedom, or peace!

FRIEND OR FOE

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This is a touchy subject, because some people don’t want to believe the possibility of it. Let me tell you; everyone claiming to be your friend is NOT! Some people want to be around you, but not necessarily as your friend. They’re only playing a role. Matter of fact, they can hardly stand you at all. They’re masters of deceit. Well…..not really! You’re simply being naïve.

Can any of you relate to this type: She or he’s your best friend (so you think). You’re always together. Every time you look around they’re at your house (your married, but they’re single). They hang out there, eat there, and sometimes sleep there. You have made it so comfortable for them that they will stop by when you’re not home and they call when they know you’re not home. You’re so naïve you don’t think anything about it. You trust them just that much. You’ve told them all about your problems and about your love life. They know almost as much about your spouse as you, because you tell them everything.

FINALLY, one day you wake up! You start seeing little things happening. You notice they’re way too comfortable and friendly towards one another. He or she gets more attention and better treatment than you. They seem to be a bit touchy feeling. You catch them whispering or looking lustfully at one another.

Guess what? It’s all your fault, every bit of it. You created the monster by allowing another man or woman to be around you and your spouse all of the time. You allowed them access to your home anytime they chose. You basically gave them access to your significant other by allowing him or her to do things for them (giving them opportunities to be alone). You gave the right of way and the other person took it. You told all of your bedroom secrets and problems and they soaked up the details and now using it against you to get with your significant other. Now your significant other and your so called friend are digging one another. The next thing you know you’re broken up and your best friend is with your ex.

Listen ladies and gents. Don’t do this! Stop allowing your friend to hang around you and your spouse all of the time. It’s not healthy for your relationship. There are some people who can do it and it works fine, but these are true friends. Still, I don’t think you should have someone around all of the time. However, not everyone who claims to be your friend will pass the test. Don’t put yourself in this situation. I heard these stories of so called friends over and over. Some are sexing their best friends spouse and smiling in their friend’s face. This type clearly isn’t a friend.

Can any of you relate to this type: This is for the ladies. You have this friend who loves to come around dressed inappropriate. She’s always talking about hooking up with someone. She likes to touch all over your husband when she talks to him. She’s always up in his face and he’s grinning like Chester the Cheetah. Some men act so dumbfounded when it comes to female friends. Some of them act so clueless, but it’s funny how quickly they get sense when the shoe is on the other foot. A man can spot another man coming on to his woman from 10 miles away. Ladies, keep this type out of your space, she’s not your friend.

Can any of you relate to this type: You have this friend who you really care about. You all get along very well, but you notice there are some inconsistencies with your relationship. You finally realize things are one-sided. You’re the one doing the giving, but they never think enough of you to do anything for you. They’re always trying to get you to do things they know you don’t like doing. Although you get along, they seem to treat other people better than you despite of how you’ve been there for them. Then one day you talk to them about something about the relationship that’s bothering you and that ends the relationship. They don’t want to talk it out. This was their excuse to exist the relationship. This person wasn’t your friend, you only thought they were.

What about this type? You have this person whose claiming you’re their best friend, but they’re always bad mouthing you to other people. They smile in your face, but stab you in your back every chance they get. You notice they buy the same things you buy (clothes, furniture, etc). It’s annoying to you, but they continue to do it. This type is envious and jealous. They want everything you have to include who you’re with. This isn’t your friend.

Last one I will write about are those who always got something negative to say about your man. They heard this or that. They can’t stand him or her. They’re always asking why are you with him or her. They say, “there no good for you.” They hang around your house, but pretend they can’t stand your significant other. These are sneaky toads! They are setting you up. They want to cause friction in your home, because they’re trying to work their way in. Don’t trust them.

These types of friends are everywhere. The main point is everyone claiming to be your friend is not. They’re more like foes. These types of individuals don’t have a clue what it means to be a friend or how to be one. They have their own agendas and being a true friend isn’t a part of it. Be careful who you’re entertaining and allowing into your homes and around your spouses. A real friend knows their boundaries. They also will respect you and your spouse. A snake will slither into your life and homes and before you know it is wreaking havoc. Stop being naïve and get your heads out of the sand!!!

WHY MARRY IN THE FIRST PLACE

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You’re probably wondering why I talk so much about marriage. If you only knew the people I see who have marital issues. Too many marriages have failed and or continuing to fail. People are making it way harder than necessary.

You’re probably saying to yourself; marriage is supposed to be until death. In my opinion everyone together isn’t meant to be. Many couples shouldn’t of gotten together in the first place. I don’t believe anyone should be in an unhealthy relationship, point blank. Those we love the most sometimes hurt us the most. It’s because of who they are as individuals, but when we constantly take it it’s because of who we are as individuals. I can’t be happy living in misery. I can’t pretend and I’m not fake, so again, this is my opinion based off of personal experience and experiences of others. I’ve seen and heard far too much nonsense which has been ridiculous and unimaginable.

I’ve set across from individuals (couples and singles) who endure mistreatment by the ones who supposedly love them the most. It’s not love. Let me elaborate. Often times a person may truly believe they love you, but because of how messed up they are inside their behaviors shows something totally different. This is no excuse, it’s the truth. However, I don’t call this love. You may, but I don’t. A person who truly loves another person will not put them through unnecessary or unwarranted hell. Get yourself together, before you want to commit to anyone. If you don’t you will do nothing but wreak havoc into the other person’s life. This is why I constantly preach know who you’re getting with.

I’m guilty too! Back in the day I ignored the signs staring me in my face until reality slapped me like a four by four across my head. Once you mature and develop everything about you changes. Once you know better you should do better. Sadly some of you know better, but you don’t choose to do better. You choose to stay with what’s familiar despite of the pain it brings.

Too many of you are getting into relationships leading into marriage when you’re about as ready as a woman to give birth to a 50 pound baby. Metaphorically speaking it means (you’re NOT ready). Despite of this reality you continue on with it. I don’t care your sob reason for doing it. You shouldn’t do it! Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment. So many people get married knowing full well they’re not wanting to nor are they ready to.

You’re out still playing single right up until the day you’re married. Some of you cheat before, the day of, and after you’re married. You act single after you’re married. The truth has a harsh way of biting you right in the buttocks! This makes no sense at all. Why marry?

You’re married, yet you hide your ring when you want to meet someone. This is your sorry approach to pretending to be single. It’s immature, irresponsible, foolish, and a plain lie. If you’re doing this, why marry?

You’re hanging out at the clubs or with your boys/girls as if you don’t have a spouse at home. Whose by the way on the back burner in your life. You’re always arguing with your spouse about it. You’re going home at all hours of the night and morning. Why did you marry?

You treat your spouse like an old dirty rag. You do whatever you want. You speak to him or her however you choose. You show them no respect at all. You should honor and adore your spouse. Some of you don’t really like your spouses, let alone love them. Why marry someone and don’t know how to treat them?

You go whenever you choose and because you’re an adult you feel that gives you the right to do so. Let me tell you IT DON’T! You should give the same courtesy and respect you want. You should give your spouse the respect he or she deserves by letting them know your whereabouts. It has nothing to do with them trying to keep tabs on you. It’s being respectful and courteous to your spouse. What if something happens, how would they know where you are or how to reach you (because some of you have the nerves not to answer your calls during this time and it’s ONLY because you’re doing something you shouldn’t be doing). Why marry?

Some of you try to avoid introducing your spouses to your friends or others. Sad part is some people don’t even know you’re married because of the way you carry yourself. If you’re ashamed of your spouse or if you’re so into pretending to be single, why have a spouse?

You claim to love your spouse but your actions shows the truth. You want to be with your spouse, yet you also want to be with someone else. Some of you boldly do your thing. In your mind your spouse accepted you this way and knew what they were getting. Unfortunately it’s true, but why did you marry?

You put everyone and their mom before your spouse. You do for others yet you don’t do the very thing for your spouse. For instance; I’ve seen many men open doors for other women, but wouldn’t do this simple act for their wives. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Some of you treat your spouses like dirt under your shoes, but you treat others like expensive fine wine. Please! Why did you marry?

Some of you have your own spaces within your homes and your spouses aren’t allowed in that area. It’s for you and you alone. You get highly discombobulated if you find out they were in your areas. WHAT? I smell a dirty rat! Yes, I said it, you’re up to know good and you know it. No wife or husband should have a place completely secluded from their spouse. I simply don’t believe in this. It causes separation in the home, because people are going home and retreating to these areas while spending no time with their spouses. If you wanted to be alone, why marry?

Some of you tell all of your business. You run to your family and friends about every detail of your marriage, when you should be talking to your spouse. You don’t talk to your spouse, because you don’t want to communicate with him or her. Some of you don’t want to and others don’t know how. IF you wanted to you would and IF you didn’t know how; but you loved your spouse, you would figure it out. For this particular post, I’m talking to those of you who don’t want to. Those of you who put your business out in the streets. When you tell another person, you don’t know who that person will or won’t tell. You’re putting more faith in other people rather than your own spouse. This happens with a lot of mommas boys and daddy girls. Don’t get me wrong, it happens with others too. This causes confusion in the home. If you want to share the details of your marriage with others, why and not your spouse why have one? Your spouse is the one you should be talking to, they’re the one you married.

You can’t have a pleasant and quite moment at home, because every time your spouse looks around the house is full of people (your friends or family). You don’t care how your spouse feels about it, because it’s YOUR friends and family. Well, your spouse should be your best friend and he or she’s also your family. Outside of God (for those who believe) your spouse should be first. If you have or will have children, they will grow up and someday leave the home (hopefully). What you build with your spouse is what will weather the storms. If your foundation is built around your family and friends, your marriage will suffer. If you’re this type of person, why marry?

You don’t want children, you never wanted children, but you KNOW the woman you’re with really WANTS children. Never mind her reasons for marrying you. IF you know you don’t want children WHY marry someone who does? You’re setting yourself up for major problems. You will suffer the consequences of your inconsiderate decision and you will have no one to blame but you! Why marry?

Let me talk about cell phones and computers. Oh no, you didn’t run did you? Even if you did, someone wants to know. You have a cell phone. Yes it’s yours, this is true. However, when you’re married (my opinion only), there should be NO secrets. Some of you have your phones glued to your hips. Those phones are like your breath. At home you put them on vibrate because you know people who shouldn’t be calling and texting you will be doing so. You’re receiving inappropriate pictures and messages. Foolish one, don’t you know everything you send over your phone can be evidence? Although you and the other person may be the only one’s seeing it, it’s no secret. It’s stored somewhere in this world of technology. So you think about that, the next time you do this. If WHATEVER you’re doing you don’t want your spouse to see, hear, or know; then it’s OBVIOUSLY wrong. I know it’s your phone, but I also know it shouldn’t be a problem if your spouse wants to know about a lot of activity going on with it. He or she’s your spouse, there shouldn’t be any worries or ill feelings. We know this isn’t the case. People hide them, lock them, get additional ones and hide them, and every other thing you can imagine. They do it to keep it completely private from there spouses. I think it’s wrong.

I will stop here, I pray you get the point I’m trying to make. If you’re not ready to marry I really stand firmly on the belief that you shouldn’t. When a person marries with all of the other crap going on it’s a disaster waiting to happen. Don’t subject anyone else to your recklessness and carelessness. Let that be you and your own party. Stop getting into marriages knowing you’re not worthy or ready.

To those of you who are so eager to marry you’re willing to put up with anything. You think by marrying it will change your spouse. WRONG! You can’t change anyone. You just can’t. Sometimes people want to change, because they want to become better individuals. These types of people were wanting to change, they were ready, and willing. This is rarely the outcome for many relationships. Stop settling out of your desperation. No matter how harsh it is the reality is this; you may be in love and you may feel you’re ready to marry, but IT DOESN’T mean your significant other is. You must know the truth and you shouldn’t marry unless you’re wholeheartedly willing to accept all of the garbage you’ve accepted thus far. It’s more than likely what you will continue to get.

A celebrity singer by the name of Beyoncé sings a song, “if you like it put a ring on it.” I say you may like it, but please don’t put a ring on it until you love it and in love with it. A ring doesn’t keep a marriage together, a ring doesn’t keep a person faithful, and a ring doesn’t signify a commitment for many; to them it’s just a ring and a way to shut your mouth. It’s about who a person is inside that truly defines them. What’s inside will always be shown in your actions no matter how good you think you are at hiding the truth. So please consider the reasons for marrying anyone. If it’s not genuine no matter what, DON’T DO IT.

For those of you who just want to be marry no matter what. I hope you’re ready to suffer the consequences of your actions, because I promise you that you will. Marriage should be taken seriously and not lightly. It’s a true commitment and testament of love. Unfortunately many of you have no clue to the meaning of the words I wrote in the last sentence. If you don’t, it’s a clear indication you’re one of the people I’m writing about. Marriage is your choice. If you make it, you must be ready to take what you’re going to get in return. It’s never brand new!

THE ONE YOU MET ONLINE

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Alright, before I get started let me say although I don’t think online dating is a good way to meet someone, it does occasionally work well for some people. Let’s called those people the “exceptions to the rule.” Okay, now that’s out of the way. This post is about people who fall head over heels for individuals they’ve never seen or know at all. You ever seen the television called “Catfish?” It’s based on a real event. This type of thing happens every day.

There are many people who go online to meet others. The scary part is you don’t know with whom you’re communicating. I think anyone who goes online to meet someone should first consider the consequences of their actions. There is no telling what or who you will encounter. It’s taking a major risk and most times someone ends up with a broken heart or worst (dead). You set yourself up for absolutely anything.

I think the worst part of it all is how many give their entire hearts and souls to individuals they don’t know at all. The world is full of mess. There is a lot of craziness going on and a lot of crazy people doing it. When you sit behind a computer and converse with another person you have no clue who you’re conversing with. You could be chatting with a murderer, rapist, pedophile, lunatic, among a host of other types of people. Yes, it happens.

Your intentions could be good, but you don’t know the intentions of the other person. Often times you’re not conversing with who you think you are. People lie! They lie in your face, imagine what many of them do behind computer screens. For anyone to give their heart to someone behind a computer screen before ever meeting the person and getting to know them in my opinion is immature and ridiculous.

Some people are online like it’s a job. They’re at the computer from sun up until sun down conversing with someone who’s posing to be someone they’re not. People are providing their entire life stories while the individuals on the other end are soaking it up for their own personal gain. People have been raped, murdered, robbed, identities stolen, and you name it behind meeting individuals on the web.

I’m not dissing the sites or the people who use them, I’m only trying to bring awareness to those who go on these sites. Some of you are too desperate and eager for love and you’re seeking love by any means necessary. This isn’t a good thing. Some of you are pouring your hearts out to complete strangers who are seeking loopholes to prey on you. They listen to your stories and make you feel connected to them, but the whole time they’re trying to figure out how to gain something from your weaknesses.

Too many of you are giving out far too much private information, when you really shouldn’t be giving any. This is a big risk, especially in these days and times. There are many out there sitting back waiting for someone like you to come along. Someone who’s lonely, sad, unhappy, depressed, needy, etc..etc. You’re opening your lives up to these strangers whom you can’t see or most times talk too; as if you’re an open book. You talk with individuals but it’s not with whom you think. You get pictures, but it’s not from whom you think. Next you think you’re in love. This is sad and absurd!!!

Some of you send money to people on the other end of the computer screen. If someone asks you for money, that alone should be a red flag. Unfortunately too many of you doing this are oblivious to reality. You’re only out for self gratification. You think you love the other person when you have no clue who the other person is. Red flag! This is a red flag not only concerning the other person, but also concerning yourself. It’s a major sign something is wrong with you!! You’re falling in what you think is love and when the truth smacks you in the face and into reality you have the audacity to be heartbroken and distraught. What do you expect? You seek out and fall in love with someone you don’t know at all. The person you’re conversing with make excuses as to why they can’t see you. You believe everything they say. They make themselves available online, because they’re seeking whom they can devour. Oh yes, it’s true!

Some of the individuals on the other end of the screen are confused individuals who’s seeking love, just like you. Think about this; you’re falling in love with a complete stranger who you desperately want to meet, but can’t. Unbeknown to you they’re carrying as much; if not more baggage than you. What do you have? A big hot mess!

I know some have done this and it has worked out, but more have and it has not. As I said in earlier post, if you don’t know yourself how do you think you’re going to figure out someone who will not meet you or in some situations you can’t talk with. THIS IS SIMPLY FOOD FOR THOUGHT.