TRUSTING SOMEONE WHO HAS CHEATED ON YOU

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The first thing I want to say is it is possible. I won’t even try to make excuses for people who cheat on their significant others. To me there’s no excuse. I don’t believe in it at all. Nothing just happens and it’s never a mistake. People willfully get into affairs (physical, emotional, or both) It’s not a fluke. It’s an intended and a willful act. Before people decide to cheat they should always put themselves in the shoes of their significant others. Could you handle it if it happened to you? If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out. You must always consider the consequences, because believe me; you will face them.

When you’re out cheating you don’t know what you’re getting into (especially when you’re cheating with random people). There are many true stories about people who get with sexy men or women who unknowing to them have AIDS or other diseases. You have sex with these people risking your life and the lives of your significant others.

Some of you end up with psychos who end up wreaking havoc in your lives and the lives of your loved ones. You ever seen a movie called “Fatal Attraction?” If you haven’t check it out! Then there are some of you who cheat with individuals who take you for everything you have. There are many types of scenarios I could mention. When you’re cheating you never know what you’re getting into. It may be all fun and games to you, but it may be a completely different story to the one you’re cheating with or cheating on.

However, through it all and despite of it all it is possible to move on and beyond it if individuals are willing. This post is for both the one who is finding it hard to trust again and for the ones who’ve cheated.

The biggest problem I’ve found with individuals learning to trust again is when the person who defiled the relationship by cheating says “I need for you to trust me,” knowing full well they’re still cheating. Some of these cheaters nag the heck out of their significant others to trust them. Why? Why ask for forgiveness and trust when you’re #1 still cheating, #2 not serious in your asking,  and # 3 you’re trying to force it?

Some cheaters cry their eyes out. You carry on like big babies pleading your sorry until the cows come home, yet you’re still cheating. You know you are! You have the gall to get mad when your significant other can’t seem to trust you. You will say things like, “if you can’t trust me we can’t keep going on like this, or I need for you to trust me.” Please! People like this have some nerves! You have no idea the pain you’ve caused. The only time you all seem to get it is when you’re on the receiving end of the situation. Get yourself together and straighten out your life. You don’t deserve to be trusted if you’re not doing right. Stop asking when you know you’re DEAD wrong! Stop causing pain to the one you’re supposed to love. Figure out why you’re the way you are and deal with your issues. This is the only way your relationship will work, you must change your ways.

Many of you know you’re not serious when you ask for forgiveness. You want trust without honesty. What I mean is, you want to be trusted, but you’re not willing to do right by your significant other. You’re not ready to give up what you’re doing. You’re still lying, deceiving, and cheating. If you don’t change you’re risking the possibility of losing what you have. You can’t move forward until you fix you.

Some of you give ultimatums. The nerve of you! This isn’t right! You cause the problem and then you turn around and give ultimatums when the other person is finding it hard to trust or believe in you. To trust again IS NOT on your terms or whenever you feel it’s time. You have to give the other person the opportunity to accept and deal with it. You don’t have the right to try an force it. You cheat, but then you turn around and try to tell your significant other it’s time to move on. You don’t want to hear or talk about it anymore. This isn’t right! You must give your significant other time to process it, deal with it, and heal. They have every right to decide if they will stay or leave your cheating butt behind.

Some of you won’t change your ways no matter what. You want to be forgiven, ONLY because you don’t want to hear about it anymore. IF you’re forgiven on YOUR terms it is putting the ball in your court. Your significant others has basically given you the power. You know you have the upper hand and you’re likely to continue cheating. You’re masters of manipulation. You’ve lied, begged, and plead so much you’re a master at it.

Sometimes people cheat and after realizing the devastation it has caused they will not cheat again. These are individuals who realized and accepted the consequences of their actions. They understood they were wrong and decided to never put their loved one through it again. Although you were wrong to cheat, I can still take my hat off to you for cleaning your act up. It may have cost some of you your relationships, but the most important thing is learning from it and never doing it again.

Often there are individuals who can’t seem to get past infidelity. It definitely takes time. A person has every right to take the time they need to deal with it. A lot to times individuals make decisions to leave their relationships. They don’t want to continue on with someone they can’t trust and who has defiled the relationship. On the other hand there are others who decide to stay. They accept what has happened, they deal with it and move on. Then you have those individuals who can’t seem to get over it. They claim to forgive, but they can’t let it go. If you say you forgive and you choose to stay you must be willing to move on. You can’t keep bringing it up every time the other person looks around. No matter how much it pains you, you must move on. There has to be a point where you either get over it or decide to move on away from the relationship. You CANNOT constantly bring it up, because you will further damage an already damaged relationship. Your relationship may as well be over, because it won’t work if you continue to bring up the affair.

Some of you are so desperate you will constantly endure infidelity in your relationships. You will act as if it’s your fault. It wasn’t you who cheated and you shouldn’t take the blame. Many cheaters will put the blame on you in order to take it off of them. However, when you constantly accept being cheated on it says a lot about you! You’re insecure and you have issues that have debilitated you. Your significant other know they can do whatever they want as long as they come home and throw you a bone every now and then. It’s so sad to see individuals who allow themselves to be treated so disrespectfully. Cheating is an issue within the cheater, but to constantly accept this type of treatment also shows you’re someone who has issues as well. As an individual it doesn’t matter who you are; you will be treated by others exactly how you allow. According to how you treat yourself, people know exactly how to treat you. You take foul treatment from others according to issues you have and allow to dictate your life.

A one time affair may or may not end the relationship. It doesn’t have to end the relationship IF the cheater never cheats again and is truly remorseful for what they’ve done. However, when a person doesn’t take in consideration how they’ve hurt you and they continue to cheat, this is another story. To me, this type of individual doesn’t deserve to constantly receive free passes. SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE! His or her feet must be held to the fire and they should have to deal with the consequences of their actions. It may mean them going to counseling or seeking some form of help. It may also mean existing the relationship. It’s the decision of the person being cheated on don’t let the other person make the decision for you.

There are many reasons people come up for cheating. The bottom line is people can make any excuse they want for cheating, they’re ALL wrong! There is no excuse for it. If you’re in a committed relationship you shouldn’t become involved with someone else. It takes two people to make a relationship work, but it only takes one of the two to mess it up. Some of you are trying to have the best of both worlds, but it just doesn’t work! If you can’t stay committed DO NOT COMMIT!

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