WHEN YOUR BEST ISN’T ENOUGH

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Reading the title I’m sure we’ve all felt this at some point. What separates us is how we allow it to affect us. In life we will face this obstacle more than once. I believe no one should allow it to disrupt their life. Unfortunately too many individuals do allow it to cause problems in their lives. Those who do must reassess their lives and figure out why they’re allowing it to cause them stress.

When we love our friends and family we sometimes tend to bend over backwards to please them. Personally I learned many years ago doing so causes you nothing but pain. No matter what you do for some people it’s not enough or it’s not good enough. I say; so sad and too bad (for them). I decided long ago that I would do my best at whatever I do and after that “it is what it is.” If it’s good enough fine, if it’s not fine, because as long as best efforts were put forth; it’s all that matters to me. You have no control over what others feel or what they do.

Some people have a problem with most of the individuals in their lives. They’re the types of people who complain about everything and everybody. No matter what is done it’s never enough. They always want more or it’s never good enough. These people exist everywhere and we all have them in our lives.

I care less who it is, if you’ve given your best and it’s not enough, stop allowing it to affect you. You simply cannot please some people and there’s no need to try. It’s time to accept the fact that it’s not you, it’s the individual. However, when you allow it to affect you you’ve taken ownership of it and have made it a problem in your life. Some of you stress over things such as this, when you shouldn’t.

Many of us have the tendency to live by our emotions. We allow what others do and/or say affect us to the core. We let it pull us down; draining our soul’s. When you do this you’re giving your power to others; which means there’s something you need to deal with that has caused you to be this way. You have to look inward to find the answers. Regardless of what you’re doing, as long as you know you’ve done your best it should be enough. 

No matter who you’re giving your best to if it’s not enough you can’t let it steal your joy. Some people are miserable with their own lives and nothing you do will be good enough while others have other ulterior motives. You give and you do, yet it’s not enough. Bottom line is you can’t give more than what you have to give. Stop giving others the power to squeeze the life from you.

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SCENARIO’S (IT’S NO SECRET, YOU ALREADY KNEW)

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I bet many of you can relate to this post. Many of you are with or have been with individuals who knew you were EXACTLY how you are; yet they chose to be with you DESPITE of. They thought their love for you would somehow change you or save you from yourself. Now they have you and they can’t seem to stand you because of what they already knew. Most times they CLAIM they didn’t know. It’s no trick. They knew, but they were so in love until they decided of their own freewill to over look THE TRUTH. Which side of the coin are you? Did you get with someone despite of or did someone get with you despite of?

Many relationships suffer from issues individuals chose to accept in the courting phase. These issues go from the courting phase into the serious phase and on into marriages. It has happened forever, because people go entirely TOO MUCH by what they’re feeling instead of on the truth. They allow the feelings of their hearts to get them into relationships they later find they really didn’t want. People only realize the truth AFTER they open their eyes to the truth.

Scenario #1 Some women get married and their men love how strong and independent they are. They love their fire and passion for life, love, and standing firming on what they believe. A lot of these women are more assertive than their men and in the beginning the men love it. The men feel they have a good catch. For this post; the men with these women are passive and lack the initative of their women. Basically, in their relationships these women wear the pants so to speak. It was all good until the men come to the realization this is their reality. They also realize what their relationships are built on isn’t what will keep it together. They begin to loathe their women. Resentment and regret sets in on both sides. He sees her as pushy and controlling, she sees him as too passive, etc..etc. In this message I particularly stated women, but make no mistake; it goes both ways. Does this sound familiar? Both knew the truth, but chose to ignore it.

Scenario #2 You were very aware they had the tendency to sleep around, but you thought sex with you was out of this world and so unique that it’s enough to change him or her. Unfortunately by accepting their ways you found out it had no impact on them changing. Basically it showed them WHO YOU WERE and how they could treat you. He or she continued the same pattern, because by accepting it early on you let them know it was okay. The same thing you accepted in the beginning is what you will end up with. Now all you do is give him or her the blues about their indiscretions. Yet you already knew they were this way. Now that you got what you thought you wanted you find it’s not what you wanted after all.

Scenario #3 He or she treated you like crap before you got deeper into the relationship. They spoke to you and treated you in ways that were totally disrespectful and often in front of others, but you allowed blind love to lead you to believe they would change. Now after marriage you realize this is part of who they are and in fact things has gotten worse. This happens to so many couples. Anytime you accept crap from the start, it’s indeed what you’ll end up with.

Scenario #4 Being disrespected is bad enough, but many of you have also accepted abuse. You went on to exchange vows with someone you knew were already abusing you. They’ve verbally, physically, emotionally, etc abused you prior to marriage. You thought they would change, you pray they will change, you love them, but change doesn’t happen. These types of individuals become far worse than you ever imagined. The signs were there, but you chose to ignore them. Love isn’t blind at all, people are blind when it comes to love or what they think is love.

Scenario #5 He or she didn’t have as my mom would say back in the day “two pennies to rub together or anything to call their own.” Yet, you were so in love and infactuated with the idea of being in love you accepted them just the way they were. They were unmotivated and lazy, BUT they were so cute and good in bed. MISTAKE! Now you’re married and you’re tired and regretful, because they STILL won’t lift a finger to help out and now you cringe at the thought of sex with them. Holding down the household is all on you (no surprise, nothing changed) and it’s wearing you down and out. In the beginning you completely ignored this truth. Now you’re stuck with EXACTLY what you started out with.

Scenario 6 He or she had the player mentality. They flirted with anyone who seemed to enjoy it. They gawked at anyone they thought looked good (totally disrespecting you no matter where they were or who they were around). Although it used to get you upset, you accepted the behavior, because it was your man/woman and you loved them so much. You figured they were teasing, meant no harm, and you thought they would change. People must stop allowing others to do them any kind of way, because it’s exactly what will happen. Now you’re with someone you don’t trust and who you’re miserable and unhappy with. Some of you even feel it’s okay as long as they come home UNTIL you marry them. Then all of a sudden you tired of their behavior. Well, their behavior is something you shouldn’t ever accepted.

Scenario #7 The in laws can’t seem to keep their noses out of your affairs. Someone always has something to say. You may or may not say anything, because you love your significant other. The meddling causes arguments between the two of you, because your significant other won’t say anything their family. This scenario closely relates to people who are with momma boys and daddy girls or other family members they constantly allow in their relationship. A lot of relationships deal with this issue. Things like this has to be “nipped in the bud”, if not it will continue to cause disturbances in relationships. Some in laws are ruthless and if couples aren’t on one accord this can ruin relationships. It doesn’t only apply to in laws it applies to EX’S, and others. Everyone and I do mean everyone; should be put in their respectable places. It matters none IF your significant other has children by another person, NO ONE outside of the marital union should be an obstacle to you having a healthy relationship. If you take it from the start, you’re asking for things I guarantee you that you will come to dislike.

In, conclusion I seriously could go on for days on this one, because there are so many topics that comes into play. What I’m trying to say to you is STOP giving so much of yourselves yet getting nothing in return. Too many of you settle for crap in thinking it will change. Most likely it won’t. You’re no savior you can’t save anyone from their issues they have locked inside and allowing to ruin their lives. You can’t change anyone. An individual must want to change for his or herself. If you start a relationship taking foolishness from the other person BEFORE marriage. Guess what? It’s exactly what you will end up with.

You have to first know, love, and know how to treat yourself before you can love anyone else or truly know what kind of treatment is acceptable. If you get into relatioships for all of the wrong reasons or on feelings of emotions you will have some real tough issues on your hand.

I will say again, “the ONLY person you can change is you.” Looks, money, sex, position, status, what you have or what you can offer WILL not make another person be in love with you, treat you right, or make them change. If you show them it’s okay to treat you like crap, THEY WILL DO JUST THAT! If you don’t love yourself then crap is what you’ll accept because you won’t feel you deserve anything better. It’s not true!. It only means you have hings you need to work out within yourself, before you go falling in love with someone.

It’s so sad to see how many people are in horrible relationships when there were signs in EVERY one of them in the beginning showing the truth. People ignore the truth for many reasons. Being blind by love is only an EXCUSE! Today is the time for change, because remember; today is really all you have (right now).

Most relationships end the same way they start. What I mean is this; if a person was beat on, cheated on, or whatever; oftentimes it’s the same problem only intensified that will end the relationship. When I say end it doesn’t necessarily mean divorce. It can mean they’re still living together but yet completely separate. Unfortunately some of these relationships end in death, loss of mental peace, etc..etc.

Remember; this is the sugarfreeden, I’m not here to sugarcoat reality. I’ve known too many to have died in bad situations, because it is what they accepted in the beginning. I’ve known others to commit suicide or harm themselves due to stress added on to their own personal issues they’re dealing with.

People must accept the truth for what it is. Anytime you get into a relationship if you DON’T honestly look at the whole picture you will miss a lot. You will let a lot go, because you’re so into the other person. IF you do this, it is you who has issues you need to deal with. Step back and re-evaluate yourself. You deserve better for yourself and from anyone who is supposed to love you back. Your significant other will ALWAYS show you the truth by how they treat you. If you don’t accept the truth, IT’S NO ONE’S FAULT BUT YOURS!

KEEPING RELATIONSHIPS BLOOMING

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To those of you who are happy in love, I want to tell you something important on today. Never take your loved one for granted and always find ways to keep the fire burning in your relationships! These are two big things that are causing issues in many relationships.

Be aware of how you treat one another. No one person should have power or control over the other. If this happens it will affect the relationship as a whole. Both should be respected and treated as adults. Each should always compliment the other and support one another’s dreams, goals, etc.

NEVER intentionally reject one another. I know sometimes we as humans just don’t feel like it. However, remember you’re a team and it’s not all about what you want or don’t want. Never reject your significant other when it comes to any form of intimacy. He or she may simply need to talk, need a hug, or just be held. Like I said before; it’s not always about sex but when it is never reject UNLESS you’re REALLY sick or there’s something serious going on. To do so simply because you’re tired or don’t feel like it is NOT an OPTION (NEVER, EVER). If you start rejecting it puts a sore taste in the mouth of your significant other and your relationships don’t need any foolishness, because you’re trying to keep it blooming. Right?

Nothing should fall solely on one person. For instance if one works and the other doesn’t the one who doesn’t should close the gap by doing other things for the relationship etc. In saying that, it doesn’t mean, because one don’t work they should have to do all the rest. No! It takes two to make any relationship work. You must work at it together and communicate anything that hinders the growth of your relationships.

If either has a problem communicating this should be fixed prior to getting married. If not you will carry it into the marriage. You will face things you could have avoided had you communicated or should I say communicated properly.

Always take into consideration how you speak to your significant other. It’s not okay to be mean or rude. That’s plain disrespectful. Some people are like this, because of what they have bottled inside. It’s no excuse! You must get it right!

Be creative. Think of ways to keep the fire blazing in your relationships. Do things the other like (it’s important to know what they are). Surprise your loved one, don’t become so predictable, keep it interesting. There are plenty of things to do which don’t involve money, you simply have to be creative.

Remember, it’s VERY important to show someone you love them, not just say it. It’s great to hear, but we as humans we need to see the actions of your words. When you truly love/are in love with someone this shouldn’t be a problem for you.

I do realize some people don’t know how to show affection. To you I say learn! Learn your significant other, by doing so you will know what it takes to please him or her. Be attentive and caring to one another’s needs, wants, and desires.

If some of you have a hard time trying to figure out what to do, go to the big ole wide world of the web, there’s always ideas. Regardless of what you choose to do be geninue about it and your efforts will go a long way. Doing nothing is NOT an option!

Never go to bed angry. NEVER! You don’t know what will happen in the night. When you lay down at night it may be for the last time. This has been many people’s reality. I have a relative who died in his sleep, so trust me it’s reality. Don’t go to bed angry, don’t leave home angry. You should always be able to talk through anything. That is what two adults do who are in love with one another.

If you make your relationship priority it will mean a lot to the other person. You both must be on one accord. I realize many relationships aren’t, but this post is for those who want their relationships to work. it’s up to the both of you to make it happen. One person shouldn’t always be the one to initiate things. If so then it means the other is being taken for granted and just because they’re not saying anything, they are feeling it.

A few ideas off of the top of my head are: personal massages, making up cute and sexy sayings; making sure he or she get one on a daily basis, expressing and showing love daily, showers or bath time together, date nights, getaways, candlelight meals, breakfast in bed, surprise gifts (things, parties, etc), movie night (cuddle time). You get the point don’t you?

I realize there’s a lot of people who suffer from lack of desire for intercourse NOT necessarily intimacy. Everything isn’t about sex and if it is to the one you’re with, this is a problem. There are many ways to please one another that doesn’t involve penetration. Many individauls have health problems involving libido issues. This is common and is not a death sentence. Find ways to deal with it, but DO NOT allow it to cause problems in your relationships. For those of you with these types of problems, it isn’t all about you, so please get your head out of the sand. This affects you both; it affects your relationship. Face your situation and then make it work! You ever heard of the saying “there’s more than one way to skin a rabbit?” Well if you haven’t you just did! It simply means there are more ways than one to get a job done. NO! I’m not referencing sex, but it does apply.

The fire may need a little stirring. If the flames are down very low, it doesn’t matter all it takes is a little more spark and the fire is ignited. It’s up to you both. Get those sparks flying today! God bless!

WHO ARE YOU, REALLY?

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A lot of what I write about is related, because it involves how people think. It’s because maladaptive behaviors derives from distorted thinking. Distorting thinking is evolved from how we choose to take in the events we encounter in life. Unfortunately many take them in inappropriately and hold on to the negativity for a lifetime. Instead of dealing with what’s truly the core of who they are, people choose to take what they think is the easy road. They lie, deceive, and pretend to be something/someone they’re not.

The true essence of any individual is what lies within. There are millions of people who present themselves one way, but in fact are something totally different. They put fake smiles on their faces trying to hide the hurt, pain, and mental warfare they’re feeling inside. They’re masking the many issues that’s causing them to lead dysfunctional lives. The problem is many are stuck in places they don’t necessarily want to be, but they have become so familiar with dysfunction most don’t want to exert the effort to change. Their lives are chaotic and in disarray due to personal tragedies, turmoil, horrible experiences, etc..etc; that they haven’t been able to get over and they allow to keep them stuck. This has changed them completely and has become the true driving force in their lives causing them to live with negative thinking, negative feelings, and negative behaviors.

People are co-dependent, psychotic, low esteem, dependent, anxiety, sex addicts, pedophiles, suicidal, homicidal, angry, stressed out, unhappy, depressed, and many other things. All of it come from some form of negative thinking and because of some event they held on to in a negative way or never dealt with. As life goes on these things are exacerbated by other events that are dumped on top of what they’re already dealing with it. These experiences are taken in and held on to. It’s like already being weighed down, yet you continue to load bricks onto your lap.

These types of people allow the memories of their events to control their entire lives. All of the negativity affect them in every way. Many try to hide it, but find it’s very difficult to do so. So many live lives they know others would shun them for or simply not believe. They’re living in the dark in ways totally different from what they present to others.

I believe what’s inside has formed the foundation of who we are. Our thoughts affects every aspect of who we are. Whatever the foundation was built upon dictates how people will become unless they choose to change any negativity. What I mean by this is the foundation is built from many sources. It comes first and upmost from our parents, then all others (friends, family, etc). Whatever a person goes through (no matter what it is), that person will either go through it and not allow it to affect their life to the point of disruption or they will go through and hang on to the bad memories of the experience (the past or present). Negativity will cause a person to live a dysfunctional life. These types of people will forever live a life of lies unless they choose to change. Anyone can change the way they think, because it was once learned. Change the distorted way of thinking it will change your life.

People hide behind masks on a daily basic. However, if those around them would take time to look closer there will be some kind of sign. When we see or hear about someone acting inappropriately or doing something unthinkable most are shocked. I don’t believe nothing simply happens. There are always signs. They may be subtle, but there is always something if acknowledged.

There are many in high places and many who are our average people who are doing awful things in the dark (figuratively speaking). You have preachers/pastors (whatever they call themselves) sleeping with their members, teachers sleeping with students, police officers sleeping with citizens or molesting children, doctors on drugs or sleeping with patients and taking more drugs then what they give out, I saw on television a Judge was pumping himself off while serving on the bench and rendering sentences (google it, I saw it on the news), military soldiers (all ranks) into child sex rings and child pornography, priest molesting and raping kids, people with the most sick fetishes, Lawyers, getting DUI’s, individuals getting together only to have one to molest, rape, or kill the other’s child and sometimes their own. People engaging in sex with animals (zoophilia). The list goes on and on. All of these people and countless others like them hide behind lies.

There are those who are depressed, sad, unhappy, just plain miserable, but manage to go to work everyday and put on a front. You have those who think of suicide or homicide everyday, because of what’s ailing them from the inside pouring out. They struggle daily to fake being happy and keeping sane.

I can write a book on this topic. Most people you see everyday are living a lie. They’re faking it everyday. They are dealing with things inside which are causing them to have daily mental warfare going. They’re struggling trying to keep things at bay, but many succumb and those are the one’s we see on the news, etc. Society reacts in a surprising way EVERY time, but the fact is, it’s a surprise to society, because people in society has a blind eye to the truth.

In this world things happen right under our noses, but many choose to take a deaf ear and blind eye to it UNTIL the worst happens. Nothing surprises me. I know there’s things I haven’t heard of or seen, but I don’t believe it would surprise me regardless of what it would be.

Change, change, change! It’s the ONLY thing that will make the difference in anyone’s life. You must be willing to face the demon inside (no matter how ashamed, embarrassed, or guilty) you may secretly feel. Unfortunately some of you doing the unthinkable don’t feel any quilt. The only time you feel guilt is when you’re caught with your hand in the cookie jar.

Face the person you see in the mirror. Acknowledge what you’re dealing with. I don’t care what it is; acknowledge it for what it is. Then and only then can you begin the healing process to allow change to occur. Lying, being deceitful, ducking, dodging, creeping, peeking, sneaking, suffering silently, drinking, popping pills, sticking stuff in your veins or up your nose (or both), crying your eyes out on a daily basis, because you’re just that unhappy, and on and on. None of what you’re doing in secret fixes you, it only enables you to continue to do whatever it is you’re doing.

The negativity you hold inside will affect you and your entire life. You will cause turmoil for yourself and those around you. You can fake out some people, but you can’t ever fake out yourself. You have to constantly live with you. The one person you can’t run away from is YOU. Stop thinking you’re okay, because you’re good at faking it. Deal with the core of who you are no matter how bad you secretly believe it to be. Until you do you won’t be willing to invite change into your life. You will continue to live a life full of secrets. Aren’t you exhausted at trying to keep the real you hidden? Today is the day for you to acknowledge the real you and to begin to deal with the truth about you. Stop beating yourself up and start cleaning yourself up. It’s time to remove the debris from your spiritual house, which has clogged you up with things that have bogged you down spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I pray you understand what I’m trying to say. I am always willing to answer any questions sent to my personal email. Once you face the truth and deal with it, you will feel as if a big weight has been lifted from you. Your life will change. Isn’t change what you need?