I bet many of you can relate to this post. Many of you are with or have been with individuals who knew you were EXACTLY how you are; yet they chose to be with you DESPITE of. They thought their love for you would somehow change you or save you from yourself. Now they have you and they can’t seem to stand you because of what they already knew. Most times they CLAIM they didn’t know. It’s no trick. They knew, but they were so in love until they decided of their own freewill to over look THE TRUTH. Which side of the coin are you? Did you get with someone despite of or did someone get with you despite of?
Many relationships suffer from issues individuals chose to accept in the courting phase. These issues go from the courting phase into the serious phase and on into marriages. It has happened forever, because people go entirely TOO MUCH by what they’re feeling instead of on the truth. They allow the feelings of their hearts to get them into relationships they later find they really didn’t want. People only realize the truth AFTER they open their eyes to the truth.
Scenario #1 Some women get married and their men love how strong and independent they are. They love their fire and passion for life, love, and standing firming on what they believe. A lot of these women are more assertive than their men and in the beginning the men love it. The men feel they have a good catch. For this post; the men with these women are passive and lack the initative of their women. Basically, in their relationships these women wear the pants so to speak. It was all good until the men come to the realization this is their reality. They also realize what their relationships are built on isn’t what will keep it together. They begin to loathe their women. Resentment and regret sets in on both sides. He sees her as pushy and controlling, she sees him as too passive, etc..etc. In this message I particularly stated women, but make no mistake; it goes both ways. Does this sound familiar? Both knew the truth, but chose to ignore it.
Scenario #2 You were very aware they had the tendency to sleep around, but you thought sex with you was out of this world and so unique that it’s enough to change him or her. Unfortunately by accepting their ways you found out it had no impact on them changing. Basically it showed them WHO YOU WERE and how they could treat you. He or she continued the same pattern, because by accepting it early on you let them know it was okay. The same thing you accepted in the beginning is what you will end up with. Now all you do is give him or her the blues about their indiscretions. Yet you already knew they were this way. Now that you got what you thought you wanted you find it’s not what you wanted after all.
Scenario #3 He or she treated you like crap before you got deeper into the relationship. They spoke to you and treated you in ways that were totally disrespectful and often in front of others, but you allowed blind love to lead you to believe they would change. Now after marriage you realize this is part of who they are and in fact things has gotten worse. This happens to so many couples. Anytime you accept crap from the start, it’s indeed what you’ll end up with.
Scenario #4 Being disrespected is bad enough, but many of you have also accepted abuse. You went on to exchange vows with someone you knew were already abusing you. They’ve verbally, physically, emotionally, etc abused you prior to marriage. You thought they would change, you pray they will change, you love them, but change doesn’t happen. These types of individuals become far worse than you ever imagined. The signs were there, but you chose to ignore them. Love isn’t blind at all, people are blind when it comes to love or what they think is love.
Scenario #5 He or she didn’t have as my mom would say back in the day “two pennies to rub together or anything to call their own.” Yet, you were so in love and infactuated with the idea of being in love you accepted them just the way they were. They were unmotivated and lazy, BUT they were so cute and good in bed. MISTAKE! Now you’re married and you’re tired and regretful, because they STILL won’t lift a finger to help out and now you cringe at the thought of sex with them. Holding down the household is all on you (no surprise, nothing changed) and it’s wearing you down and out. In the beginning you completely ignored this truth. Now you’re stuck with EXACTLY what you started out with.
Scenario 6 He or she had the player mentality. They flirted with anyone who seemed to enjoy it. They gawked at anyone they thought looked good (totally disrespecting you no matter where they were or who they were around). Although it used to get you upset, you accepted the behavior, because it was your man/woman and you loved them so much. You figured they were teasing, meant no harm, and you thought they would change. People must stop allowing others to do them any kind of way, because it’s exactly what will happen. Now you’re with someone you don’t trust and who you’re miserable and unhappy with. Some of you even feel it’s okay as long as they come home UNTIL you marry them. Then all of a sudden you tired of their behavior. Well, their behavior is something you shouldn’t ever accepted.
Scenario #7 The in laws can’t seem to keep their noses out of your affairs. Someone always has something to say. You may or may not say anything, because you love your significant other. The meddling causes arguments between the two of you, because your significant other won’t say anything their family. This scenario closely relates to people who are with momma boys and daddy girls or other family members they constantly allow in their relationship. A lot of relationships deal with this issue. Things like this has to be “nipped in the bud”, if not it will continue to cause disturbances in relationships. Some in laws are ruthless and if couples aren’t on one accord this can ruin relationships. It doesn’t only apply to in laws it applies to EX’S, and others. Everyone and I do mean everyone; should be put in their respectable places. It matters none IF your significant other has children by another person, NO ONE outside of the marital union should be an obstacle to you having a healthy relationship. If you take it from the start, you’re asking for things I guarantee you that you will come to dislike.
In, conclusion I seriously could go on for days on this one, because there are so many topics that comes into play. What I’m trying to say to you is STOP giving so much of yourselves yet getting nothing in return. Too many of you settle for crap in thinking it will change. Most likely it won’t. You’re no savior you can’t save anyone from their issues they have locked inside and allowing to ruin their lives. You can’t change anyone. An individual must want to change for his or herself. If you start a relationship taking foolishness from the other person BEFORE marriage. Guess what? It’s exactly what you will end up with.
You have to first know, love, and know how to treat yourself before you can love anyone else or truly know what kind of treatment is acceptable. If you get into relatioships for all of the wrong reasons or on feelings of emotions you will have some real tough issues on your hand.
I will say again, “the ONLY person you can change is you.” Looks, money, sex, position, status, what you have or what you can offer WILL not make another person be in love with you, treat you right, or make them change. If you show them it’s okay to treat you like crap, THEY WILL DO JUST THAT! If you don’t love yourself then crap is what you’ll accept because you won’t feel you deserve anything better. It’s not true!. It only means you have hings you need to work out within yourself, before you go falling in love with someone.
It’s so sad to see how many people are in horrible relationships when there were signs in EVERY one of them in the beginning showing the truth. People ignore the truth for many reasons. Being blind by love is only an EXCUSE! Today is the time for change, because remember; today is really all you have (right now).
Most relationships end the same way they start. What I mean is this; if a person was beat on, cheated on, or whatever; oftentimes it’s the same problem only intensified that will end the relationship. When I say end it doesn’t necessarily mean divorce. It can mean they’re still living together but yet completely separate. Unfortunately some of these relationships end in death, loss of mental peace, etc..etc.
Remember; this is the sugarfreeden, I’m not here to sugarcoat reality. I’ve known too many to have died in bad situations, because it is what they accepted in the beginning. I’ve known others to commit suicide or harm themselves due to stress added on to their own personal issues they’re dealing with.
People must accept the truth for what it is. Anytime you get into a relationship if you DON’T honestly look at the whole picture you will miss a lot. You will let a lot go, because you’re so into the other person. IF you do this, it is you who has issues you need to deal with. Step back and re-evaluate yourself. You deserve better for yourself and from anyone who is supposed to love you back. Your significant other will ALWAYS show you the truth by how they treat you. If you don’t accept the truth, IT’S NO ONE’S FAULT BUT YOURS!