Mr. or Mrs. Right Now

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There are many people in this world who wonder why they are constantly in and out of relationships. You will never find Mr. or Mrs. Right if you keep hooking up with Mr. and Mrs. Wrong. Point blank! There are individuals who leave one relationship only to go right into another one. They are going through relationships like a bag of M&M’s. It’s sad! This goes for people from all walks of life.

I’ve always said and will continue to say that maturity doesn’t naturally come with age. We wish it did, but unfortunately it doesn’t. Growing and developing into individual’s who are mature and understands life is a process. Some people don’t get it until later in life, while others never get it. People go through life doing the same things over and over. When individuals do this, they will continue to get the very same results. It’s a fact!

It is so sad seeing people in and out of multiple relationships. They’re with this one and then that one. They don’t stay in one relationship long enough, before they’re moving to the next. Everyone they meet they’re either sleeping with or having babies with. It’s craziness! Sit down somewhere and figure YOU out!

These types of people obviously have inner issues they need to work on. Some are terrified of being alone. Rather than doing so, they will flop in and out of beds and unfulfilling relationships in order to have companionhip. They don’t care how badly they’re treated. All they care about is having someone who makes them feel cared for even though it’s not true.

There are those who cling on to the first person who shows them attention, not realizing the true nature behind the attention they’re receiving. They fall too hard and too fast for the first person who seem to give them the attention they’re lacking. They do any and everything for the other person when the other person cares less. They’re mistreated, but they’re blind by what they’re feeling so they don’t care. What they’re feeling is a coming from their distorted ways of thinking. It’s so tragic!

Some people are desperate for love and will go to any means to get it. THIS IS A PROBLEM! First of all, if you’re desperate and over eager, what you get in return is used and abused; NOT LOVE! These people must peel the scales from their eyes and see reality. Love isn’t hurtful, disrespect, mistreatment, neglectful, distrust, disloyal, unfaithful, noncommittal, cheating, deceitful, mean, abusive, controlling, demanding, and so on.

Too many are over looking the real deal and it’s why so many are constantly in and out of relationships. Looking for love in all of the wrong places and for all of the wrong reasons. Learning who you are, loving yourself, and developing into a mature individual equips you with the attributes you need for when that special one comes along. Grasping for straws, scraping the bottom of the barrel, and accepting any and everything along the way does nothing but fill you with shame, guilt, hurt, pain, suffering, loneliness, depression, loss of respect and dignity, low esteem, low self confidence, etc. All because you’ve allowed yourself to be used and abused on your quest for love.

True love will find you if you believe and if you be still and stop throwing yourself at individuals who mean you no good. You must be in a place to know it when it presents itself. You can’t understand this until you first learn to love yourself and stop going after any and everything. You won’t understand until you first know yourself, love yourself, and work on you. You will be capable of knowing what’s right for you and you will stop selling yourself short.

It’s wonderful to be in love, but it’s a horrible thing to be in love by yourself. No one can truly give you the love you deserve until you first learn to love yourself. Face and deal with your issues and then watch how your life will change.

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YOUR LOVE CAN’T CHANGE HIM OR HER

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You should have known better and seen the truth. Many are missing the signs. I can write all day and night and it all leads back to how people overlook the truth, because of what they want and desire. You see I left out need. I did it for a reason. A lot of people don’t have a clue as to what they need, because they’re too busy concentrating on satisfying their wants and desires. The truth is always staring us right in our faces, but we see everything but the truth. Many people get into relationships and build foundations on quick sand. It’s clear to those around these types of people, but it’s very unclear to the people involved.

Many reading this post are currently in relationships where they desperately wanted to believe their significant others changed to be with them. You found it NOT to be true! Please understand a person will not truly change because you want them too. They only change because they want too and it’s the only change that will last. People pretend they’ve changed their behaviors only to appease who they’re with. Their true actions clearly displays the truth, but unfortunately the people they’re with see ONLY what they want to see.

Some people are way to accepting. They tend to go through hell to be with someone. They take all kind of disrespect and ill treatment, because of the love they feel for their significant other. If people stop concentrating SOLELY on what they feel for the other person and take into consideration what the other person is feeling about them they can see the truth. How a person feel about you is always revealed through their actions. No matter how much a person try to fake it, it will ALWAYS show in some way. Some don’t try to fake it, yet the one’s they’re with take anything they dish out.

Stop trying to force love and change on someone. It NEVER works! No matter how much people hear you can’t change someone nor can you make them love you the way you want; people will still try. So many are left hurt and broken hearted after they have opened their eyes to the truth. Again, it’s because people are going off of what they feel and not the truth.

A person will change temporarily until they get you or to shut up their significant other and then they go back to being who they really are. Many marriages are built on one-sided relationships and until people stop concentrating so much on how they feel and start looking at the actions of their significant others many will continue to be in unhealthy relationships. Some people meet that special someone and realize they need to grow up and become responsible and they decide to change. Even then, the decision must come from the person who needs to change.

Being with someone who’s genuinely in love with you won’t EVER require persuasion to change. A person who isn’t READY to change WILL NOT until they are truly ready. People must get this reality into their heads. I guarantee if you would think of your relationships you will find this statement as true. Trying to force a person to change out of love doesn’t work and it normally backfires.

If a person has to be forced into changing they may do so for a brief moment, but for it to be lasting true change starts from the inside and it comes from the individual who needs changing and NOT anyone else. I’ve seen both men and women trying to change their significant others and it just doesn’t work. A person has to want to do right simply because it’s the right thing to do. Unfortunately everyone doesn’t feel this way.

A good solid healthy relationship takes two mature adults, anything less and you will have a lot of headache and heartache. Unfortunately it doesn’t matter to many and it’s why some people go through unnecessary hardships. If a person isn’t ready to change then you shouldn’t get involve in the first place and you certainly shouldn’t consider marriage until you know you’re willing to accept him or her exactly how they are, because whether you believe it or not; it’s exactly what you will get (who they really are and not who you want them to be). In the end many of you find yourselves broken. It’s the ugly truth!!!

TEMPTATIONS WILL COME FALLING INTO IT IS A CHOICE

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Yes, you read it right! It’s a choice! People want to make excuses for everything they do, but the truth of the matter is that’s all it is; EXCUSES. People don’t accidentally do things and it’s no mistake. It’s WRONG CHOICES/BAD DECISIONS. However, people want to call it mistakes. THESE ARE EXCUSES! The first thing a person want to say is I made a mistake. Oh really! Then why do so many go back and made the very same one over and over again? It happens all of the time.

There are many types of temptation people can fall into, but the bottom line of it all is no matter what it is, IT’S A CHOICE TO FALL INTO IT OR NOT. People can walk away, but most won’t; instead they will dive head first into it. This post can relate to any situation concerning temptation. However, this one is concerning relationships.

Anyone can be faced with temptation at any moment in life. When you do think about your entire life. Think of your current situation. Think of what your significant other will feel. Think of how you would feel if your significant other would do it to you. Think of the risk you’re taking. It could destroy you and your relationship. Then think is it worth it?

At every turn there is a chance to walk away. I know some of you don’t believe in God and as I always say it’s a personal choice. As a Christian, I want to add a few verses from the Bible concerning temptation. Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it. This is letting you know temptation will come, but it doesn’t mean you have to fall into it. You have a choice to do the right thing if you choose the right decision. It is yours to make.

It also says in Matthew 26:41 Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. This means when we live by the flesh (lusting and living by the desires of your loins and what your eyes see) it is easy to fall into temptation, because of the flesh. However, although that statement is true, we still have the power to resist it, because our spirits are willing to do so. It is us who has to have the strength to resist, we can do it if we choose too.

The problem comes into play when individuals completely ignore the consequences of their actions. They simply toss it in the wind. Some people don’t take a second to think about anything, they just do it. Others may think of the consequences, but they still take the risk. Then they have the nerves to open the holes in their faces to say, “it was a mistake.” Lies, lies, lies!

Men and women both, must start taking into consideration the risks they’re taking and the aftermaths of their actions. It’s time people open their eyes to reality and stop following the tingling of their loins and the lust of their hearts TO DO THE RIGHT THING.

Stop falling into temptation and taking all kinds of unnecessary problems into your relationships. You wonder why your significant others don’t trust you. You can’t do right, because you continue to FREELY choose to do wrong. You keep bringing mess into your relationship. It’s been your personal choice to do so.

People aren’t forced into temptation. They fall into it by freewill. Yes, it will come in some form or another until we die, but it doesn’t mean we have to fall into it.

Learn to be faithful to who you’re with. Live your life with integrity. Treat your significant other in and out of their presence the way you want them and expect them to treat you. As I’ve said before, “many of you can dish it out, but you can’t take it.”

When people fall into temptation they defile and cause damage to their relationships. It changes what your significant others think/thought of the person who chooses to enter into temptation. It casts doubt and mistrust. People choosing to fall into temptation can ruin their relationships and sometimes it costs them everything they’ve worked hard to build. Sometimes it has even cost people their lives.

It’s truly a “dog eat dog” world we live in. When people fall into temptation and step out on their significant others they don’t always know what they’re getting into. Sometimes the people they choose to become involved with wreak major havoc into their lives and the lives of their significant others. It’s unfortunate, but it’s true.

The world isn’t getting better, it is getting worse and if you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything. Know that you can control your flesh. It’s like doing anything else new. At first it’s difficult, but then it becomes easier and you will learn the many faces of temptation. You will begin to stand for right once you stop willfully falling for wrong. It’s a process like any other process and you become stronger by resisting and living by good morals. Stop risking it all for self gratification. It’s not worth it.

Deal with whatever is messing you up inside and causing you to be the type of person who won’t stand for what’s right. There’s something that’s causing you to be a person who lacks honesty, loyalty, faithfulness, and integrity. Until you deal with it you can’t EVER be faithful to the one you’re with.

I pray individuals who are suffering with this problem realize it’s a problem, because they’re making it one. It’s an issue, but a person don’t have to make it a problem in their life IF they deal with it and work to change the behavior. It’s all a state of mind (believe it or not). I pray that wisdom and knowledge fall upon you and that your life is changed. I’m absolutely sure loved ones don’t marry to divorce or live in misery. Be faithful in your relationships and love the one you chose to be with. Build a love that can withstand any storm, but don’t let the storm be one you’ve caused…..Blessings!

PROTECTING OUR CHILDREN

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I’ve watched the local news lately and in one week there has been two Teachers who have been arrested for doing inappropriate things with their students. This happened in the same city. One actually had sex with a sixteen year old and the other was texting and sending inappropriate pictures to her student. I’ve mentioned in several previous posts how people present themselves as one thing when in fact they’re another. No title, position, status, or amount of money changes what’s truly dwelling within an individual. Unfortunately many children are at risk at the hands of adults who are supposed to protect them.

There is so much going on in this world today. Every single time I look around there’s news on television of children being abducted, found dead, raped, molested, beaten, etc. etc. If you watch the news, I am sure you’ve seen it too. For some of you it may hit home harder than for others. I’m going to do what I normally do and that is write what’s on my mind. As usual some of you will like it and some of you won’t. I will still write what I believe needs to be written.

TEACHERS

I’m so sick of these scandalous and sick women who are in the school systems molesting and raping children. They get into the school systems so to have easy access to children. Nothing just happens! These women know the issues they have inside. I’m sure although they got caught this isn’t the first time they’ve done something inappropriate with children. Something is wrong with a full grown women becoming aroused or attracted to a child. I don’t care how mature he acts, how cute he is, or how grown he looks. HE’S A CHILD! These individuals are people who represent themselves as Educators but who end up betraying students and parents who trust them.

Young school aged children don’t understand the true essence of what is really going on. They have hormones raging, some have issues at home so they fall prey to the “good teacher.” Why? They’re so attentive to the child’s need, they give them the attention they desire, and they feel cared about. The adults in these situations know in their hearts what they’re doing is wrong, but the will to do it over powers everything.  A lot of the adults have children and are married. Yet, due to lives they lead (chaotic, lonely, depressed, desperate, etc), they willfully choose to do the unimaginable. We always hear about female teachers who commit these acts, but male teachers do it as well. They most certainly do. It doesn’t matter who does it (male or female), it’s absolutely WRONG!

I think our society is so focused on certifications and licensure, they’re failing to distinguish what true character means. Way too many people are slipping through the cracks. No license, certification, nor any type of title tells the truth about a person. It doesn’t define who a person is and it doesn’t give merit as to how they will perform. It only shows proof of their academic ability to obtain their degree and the ability to past tests. This is why we see children being molested, raped, etc by people who are from of all walks of life.

SOME SINGLE WOMEN WITH CHILDREN

Some of you are so desperate and eager until you allow your men to have their way with your children. Some children end up dead at the hands of the men you bring into their lives. You as the parent shouldn’t EVER allow a man to abuse your child (IN ANY WAY AT ALL). This has to stop! Too many children are being harmed by the men you’re with. Open your eyes and see what’s going on in your faces. Stop ignoring it! To allow it means you’re as guilty as he is. Some of your so called men are molesting and raping your children. Many of you know what’s going on, but taking a blind eye to it. IT’S WRONG!!!!!! These children deserve much better than what they’re getting. They don’t deserve to be abused by the sick men you’ve allowed into their lives.

Some women know from the start the type of men they are with. They know from the start he’s a sex offender. SEX OFFENDER are you kidding me??? This is very sad, but it’s true. Why on earth would a woman bring a sex offender in her home PERIOD, but especially when she has children? This is a major red flag something is wrong with these types of women. They take their desires, wants, and needs and put them above the safety of their children. This is sick and women must wake up. I am not trying to bash women. I am a woman, but I’ve seen it far too much. I can’t tell you how many situations I’ve ran across where this is happening. The women act oblivious when in fact they aren’t. Our children are being born into and put into horrific situations. It’s a terrible thing!

Not only are children raped and molested, they’re beaten to death or they’re raped and then killed. It’s bad enough to violate them, but then they are murdered on top of it. People don’t want the truth, especially in it’s rawest form. Why sugarcoat or downplay the truth, when it’s the truth? This society is messed up in a great way. Everything meant for good is bad and everything bad is now meant for good. It’s what the devil wants. The devil wants confusion and everything opposite of God.

INSPECT AND ASK QUESTIONS

For parents; when it comes to your children you don’t have to suspect in order to inspect. Check your children, ask them questions. It’s terrible to say or to even think, but unfortunately it’s true; no one is exempt. Anyone is capable of doing the opposite of what you thought.

Some of you don’t want to deal with the truth especially pertaining to this type of post, but it doesn’t make it go away. Many of you don’t want to fathom the thought or accept the fact that parents are molesting, raping, and killing their children. We also know grandfathers, grandmothers, uncles, aunties, cousins, friends, others who are supposed to be protecting them are touching children. As I’ve said over and over again, you don’t have to take my word for it, please research it for yourself. I stand for reality and truth. It’s not a figment of my imagination it’s really happening. I’m not afraid to speak or stand on the truth; regardless of how ugly it may be. A lot of children are harmed, because people don’t want to believe the unimaginable. Well it exists. It’s happening around us and to our families.

Don’t be afraid or ashamed to  ask your children questions about their private parts, etc. Make sure they know it’s safe and completely okay to tell you what’s going on. Always tell them if someone says it’s a secret for your child to tell you anyway. Teach your child what inappropriate behavior is when it comes to others and how it’s NOT okay for someone to touch them inappropriately.

As for older children (teenagers). Talk to your sons and daughters about the reality of it all. Some parents are too embarrassed, but it’s a conversation that needs to take place. Children are being taken advantaged of in the school, at camps, in the churches, etc. etc. It’s happening by individuals you entrust to care for your children while they’re in their care.

CONCLUSION

I’m not going to go on and on, but I will say this; the things happening to our children today is a travesty. There are so many sick grown people in this world who looks at children in ways they shouldn’t. They’re all around us and it’s why we must stop holding our heads in the sand in disbelief. It happens every single day and it’s happening somewhere as I type this very post.

We wonder why our children are killing themselves, getting drugged out, and all sorts of things. It’s because of what they’re being exposed to. Some have no guidance at all. I realize we all were children once upon a time and some of you probably went through being molested and raped. As adults you must protect children from the VERY thing that happened to some of you. Unfortunately some people turn around and do to children the EXACT same thing that happened to them. Why? Because many although now adults still choose to be stuck in the victim mode. They keep re-living their past experiences and therefore they afflict pain upon children around them. They are individuals who are dealing with unresolved issues. There need to be tougher and better laws of protection for children of today.

We must join together to better protect our children from hurt, harm, and danger. This doesn’t always pertain to sexual or physical abuse. It’s through manipulation, coercion, scams, by others. It also involves protecting them from embracing others and things that could influence and lead them down roads of destruction (gangs, drugs etc). We do this by being good mentors who lead by example.

I’m praying for this world, seems like people all over the world are doing the unthinkable when it comes to our children. Join me in prayer, that this world turn from it’s wicked ways!

 

FOR YOUR VIEWING:

(http://news.msn.com/crime-justice/dozens-charged-in-new-york-city-child-porn-case#tscptme

http://www.911jobforums.com/f66/parents-charged-sexual-molestation-taking-porno-pics-their-own-children-13977/

http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2014/04/08/tae-kwon-do-instructor-charged-with-molesting-8-year-old-student/

http://www.kvoa.com/news/parents-arrested-for-molesting-their-own-kids/

http://www.childmolestationprevention.org/pages/tell_others_the_facts.html

article.wn.com/view/2012/12/04/Grandpa accused of molesting grandkids

http://abclocal.go.com/kabc/story?id=9482664

https://au.news.yahoo.com/nsw/a/15371303/teachers-charged-with-child-sex-abuse/

http://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ454481

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/03/natalie-webb-sexual-abuse_n_4536569.html

http://www.saltlakecriminaldefense.com/2012/01/utah-grandpa-sexual-abuse/

http://www.deborahkingcenter.com/resources/abuse/

THIS IS REAL, I DON’T JUST MAKE IT UP. IT MAY NOT BE WHAT YOU WANT TO READ ABOUT, BUT THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT LESS REAL. SINCE I’VE WRITTEN THAT MORE TEACHERS HAVE BEEN CHARGED.

THE AFFECTS OF LUST

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Loving someone is way different then lusting after them. A lot of relationships starting by lust and it’s why many of them has either failed or the individuals involved are miserable together. Lusting after one another will not help form a lasting bond. Lust does nothing but keep you from seeing the things you need to see (the things that are important). It breaks up relationships and diminishes character. It interferes with reality, because all you see is what makes you feel good or turn you on. 

Through lust you’re completely looking through the windows of your heart. It’s like tunnel vision. Your mind is occupied with how that person makes you feel versus you seeing the entire big picture. Lust confuses and camouflages the truth. It’s what happens when people accept any and everything to be with someone. They think they’re in love, but they aren’t driven by love, but by that of lust. 

People who lust after those they are trying to get with do so because of what they see. It can be something material or it can be after the physical body. If getting with someone has nothing to do with actual love, the lust will wear thin and eventually out. Then one or both individuals will sooner or later move on to the next best thing. This is when someone gets hurt, because it is often lust for one, but something more for the other person involved. However, sometimes it’s lust for both involved and completely about the physical attraction and sex.

Lusting after a person has caused many their lives. I didn’t want to post about teenagers/young adults, but in the true scheme of things this topic also involves them and their beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. They go by what they see, hear, and think (whether good and/or bad). Unfortunately this post does relate to teenagers/young adults (those who are not yet adults). It also relates to adults. We’ve heard over and over how teenagers are meeting people on line and end up running away to be with them. They sometimes end up as sex slaves, pregnant, or dead. We’ve also heard of teenagers/young adults who fall in what they think is love with another person and sometimes go to the extreme to be with them. Some of them become belligerent and out of control, they’re fueled by their thoughts of what they think is love, but it’s not, it’s lust. Most adults don’t know what love is, so what do you think teenagers/young adults think when it comes to love? It’s why as adults involved in the life of children (whether our own or someone else’s), we must set good examples and provide good guidance.

Lust has destroyed many lives. It has literally destroyed lives on both personal and professional levels. How many times have we heard of politicians, teachers, preachers, and many more who end up losing their statuses or relationships over lust? There are too many to count. The behaviors these people get caught displaying has nothing to do with love. It’s all about self gratification and seeking relief of their loins. That’s it! Every last bit of it boils down to what’s really inside of each of us. It will come out sooner or later; one way or another. For those lusting after someone, they’ll continue to go after what they desire. It makes them feel good so they’ll continue to do what they’re doing until they’re caught up in some way or the relationship ends.

Countless amounts of people get into relationships stemming from lust. Not only do they start relationships many have gone on to marry knowing they aren’t in love. Eyes has the tendency to open once things have gotten bad or completely out of control. What I mean is this; it’s like a light bulb finally comes on and people realize the mess they’re in. They’re no longer in denial, some never were, it’s the person they’re with who’s in denial. They feel stuck and regretful. All of it could be avoided by not doing it in the first place. Being in love and loving your significant other can last, but lust never does. Passion can last if you continue to work at it, but lust dies! Serious relationships leading to marriage should have passion, but lust is a total different thing.

People can control lust, but it has to be a personal choice. Instead of even trying, most people fall into temptation of lust knowing it could cost them everything; to include their lives. They always think IT CAN’T HAPPEN TO ME! Well, that’s where you’re wrong! It can happen to you if it’s the lifestyle you’re living. If you continue to play around with things in your head, you will eventually act on them in some way or another.

People can look attractive on the surface, but underneath they can be volcanos about to erupt. Looks doesn’t define who a person is. A person can be good looking on the surface, but what dwells within can be something you didn’t bargain for. We’re living in 2014 and people still don’t get it. They’re still being led by their loins (feelings). This can lead to destruction. We’ve seen it over and over again. Still it happens! There are many truths of individuals with diseases purposely spreading it to others (most by society’s view are considered attractive). They lead people into their webs of deception and lust, because individual’s fall for them due to their looks. These individuals have agenda’s but those involved with them are being lead by lust.

There are many bad situations people find themselves in due to their lustful natures. Those lead by Lustful hearts lives oftentimes ends with destruction and/or some type of devastation. When will people learn??????????

Boundaries for A Peace of Mind

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It seems there are many people who really don’t understand what setting boundaries in their lives mean and how empowering they can be to your life. Individuals allow others to invade and dominate their space and lives. I believe boundaries should be set between an individual and everyone that is involved in their life despite of the extend. If you don’t set boundaries sometimes people have the tendency to do whatever they want to you or at least they will give it a good try. I firmly believe in “nipping things in the bud”, not later, but right away.

This is my belief and what I think helps keep me grounded. We must have sense to learn how not to allow others to cause us unnecessary stress. This means husbands, wives, children, the job, friends, family, and any and everything. DO NOT RELINQUISH YOUR PEACE. Learn how to step back and away when it seems you’ve allowed stress to take up too much space.

Boundaries Against Your Children

My mom always said, “toddlers steps on your toes, but teenagers and adult children steps on your heart.” She sure didn’t lie about that! In saying that, it taught me that I had to build a boundary where my two adult daughters are concerned. I’m not saying they’re not good children, but they have their own lives and sometimes it doesn’t include me. I had to grow tough skin when it comes to that fact.

I initially built boundaries when they were little ones. I had to let them know who the parents were in the household. Sometimes children will try you, so you must lay boundaries and do not let them cross those boundaries.

Some parents have no control in their homes or over there children, because they have no boundaries, discipline, or structure in their homes. The children invade their space and privacy at will and they basically do what they want. Children play parents against one another and they can sometimes be quite manipulative. SET BOUNDARIES while they’re young and it will teach children about tolerances, limitations, respect, boundaries, and a host of other good attributes.

Boundaries Against Significant Others

Sometimes our significant others try us too. They want to see how far they can go with certain things. Boundaries must be set with them too. Sometimes they want to push you into things you don’t want. They may do things to you that is uncomfortable. You have every right to “nip it in the bud.” In setting boundaries in this area you can’t act as if you’re good with something today and tomorrow you have a problem with it. You have to set boundaries and stand firm on them and be consistent.

I can’t tell you what particular boundaries you should set against your significant other, but I can tell you if you don’t at some point something will happen that makes you uncomfortable and it’s because you never set a boundary against it. You must make it known what things can’t be crossed.

Boundaries in relationships are set according a person’s individual need. I think everyone should have a few.

Below are boundaries I believe are important to set against everyone in order to keep your peace and joy. I added them to a book I wrote and thought I would share some of what I wrote about with you.

Physical Boundaries These are boundaries we should set up against other people (everyone). If not, people will easily invade your personal space. When you have physical boundaries set and someone crosses them, if you correct a person right away, everyone will know exactly what you will and won’t allow. Some things you may let some people get away with while others you won’t. That’s normal, but regardless you should have them set with everyone.

Simple examples are:

Some people get too close to you or touch you (while in contact with you). This may be something that makes you uncomfortable. For some it’s a habit for others it’s a test to see how far they can go. To avoid any issues from it, set physical boundaries.

You may have friends or family who comes to your house and they go through your things, eat your food, use your things; etc. all without asking, (this happens with co-workers, etc. as well). If you have your boundaries up they will no that behavior won’t be tolerated by you. This boundary should apply to everyone you come in contact with. If not you make everything about you free game when it shouldn’t be.

Friends or family who like to be too chummy with your significant other or vice versa. You have to set boundaries in your relationships with friends and family by letting them know just because they’re friends and family some things you still won’t tolerate from them.

I think you get the idea. Setting boundaries can prevent or eliminate conflict that surrounds this issue in your life.

Mental Boundaries are boundaries you set against others to prevent you from becoming stressed to a point of dysfunction. Many people allow the problems of others along with their own issues to weigh them down to a point of disturbance in their mental states. This is a bad way to cope.

You can’t take everything in and hold it in. You have to learn how to relax and calm your mind. Problem is too many people in this world carry too much on their shoulders. They take and take. They give and give. It becomes too much for a person to bear. Then it causes dysfunction. People end up on medication to help them function day to day.

You can’t live life for anyone else. Life was designed that you live your own, I live mine own, and the next person lives theirs. When a person tries to fix everyone else’s problems, they end adding more to their very own. It’s great to be there for people, but when it comes down to it, each of us has to take ownership of our own individual lives.

Trying to do it all for everyone becomes exhausting and overbearing. When it becomes too far gone it can cause mental imbalance. Learn to set mental boundaries in your life so you do not lose focus and/or your mind. Some people have let it go too far and now can’t go day to day without taking medication. It is unhealthy state of mind.

Emotional Boundaries these are boundaries that can help you to stop getting so emotionally involved and drained over everything you see and/or hear. I believe when people are always going off of their emotions it is what leads to mental breakdown. It’s too much stress and strain on the body to constantly have emotional melt downs over any and everything.

People must learn how to take things as are and as they come while understanding life is designed with good and bad. We will have good days and certainly bad. Good things will happen and so will bad. No matter what we go through we mustn’t constantly give into our emotions in a negative way.

Both Emotional and mental episodes affect the mind. If the mind isn’t healthy nothing else is. It’s my thought that an over abundance of emotional instances lead to a broken mental status. This can be avoided by learning how to control your emotions and not allowing them to control you.

Spiritual Boundaries these are boundaries set against those who want to trample on your beliefs. I can’t tell you what you should believe. It’s your right to believe whatever you choose. Don’t let anyone shake your faith. We’re living in very trying times and our faith is what keeps us standing.

Your faith may be in something other than God. I recommend Jesus to all. But the bottom line is, it’s your choice as to what you believe. Be true to you. I can’t beat my faith into you, it wasn’t beat into me by anyone or God. However, I stand firmly on it. People around me can say and do what they want, it doesn’t shake my faith. I live my life for me and no one else.

We must have a wholeness about us. That means we must be healthy in mind, body, and spirit. When one domain is disturbed is affects the others in some way.

Stay strong and stay encouraged!!

ANYTHING FOR LOVE

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I decided to write on this topic, because it appalls me to no end when I see both men and women degrading themselves in the name of love. Love is a lot of things to different people, but it should never be degrading, abusive, disrespectful, unhealthy, demeaning, etc. etc. For those of you who are doing ANYTHING to be with your significant other OR to get with someone you think you love, IT ISN’T LOVE. It is your distorted view of love.

If you demean yourself or completely stoop to levels of sheer embarrassment to be with someone IT’S NOT LOVE. You may not realize it, but trust me; the other person does! STOP BEING IN LOVE BY YOURSELF, it makes no sense to be in love with someone who isn’t in love with you. In relationships, if you have to convince the other person by being demeaned and mistreated, then forget it!

Many of you give your all to the other person yet you get so little in return. Then there’s some of you who give your all to other person and get absolutely NOTHING in return. It’s like you’re oblivious to the truth, you keep right on giving and giving. You give so much until you lose sight of who you are.

The sad part of it all is whenever you’re willing to take and take without getting anything in return it CLEARLY shows the other person how they can treat you. We teach people how to treat us. If you’re willing to do any and everything it is EXACTLY what you will have to take (any and everything). IT’S NOT LOVE!

Some of you are in relationships where you’re so disrespected and mistreated it’s embarrassing and shameful even to you. Problem is you’re not embarrassed enough to put a stop to it. You’d rather take it all then to be without the other person.

I’ve seen both men and women who are completely disrespected by their significant others. They’re humiliated in public and all they do is follow like little Muppets. I would rather die and go straight to hell before I would ever let anyone treat me like I don’t matter. I’m speaking from my heart, but you have to get to a place in your life where you know you matter, because you do.

Some of you bend over backwards to get with someone who don’t even want you. They clearly show they don’t want you, yet you will do whatever it takes to get them. NO! This is a clear sign the person will do you any kind of way, because it’s the blank check you’ve given the person to cash. STOP HANDING OUT BLANK CHECKS ON YOUR LIFE!

Your significant others OR those you want to get with but haven’t yet succeeded will treat you in any way you allow. As I’ve said over and over again, this tells them the type of person you are and it CLEARLY shows you the type of person they are. Both of you have issues and this is the making of an unhealthy relationship.

People can easily avoid unhealthy relationships, but in order to do so you must first love yourself and know who you are. If you put it out there as if you’re a slave to love IT’S EXACTLY HOW YOU WILL BE TREATED. It’s not love when your man or woman does you any kind of way they want. They don’t know how to love and neither do you IF you’re allowing this foul treatment in your lives.

You know the old saying, NOTHING FROM NOTHING LEAVES NOTHING! Now don’t get it wrong. You can take nothing and build something, but that takes two willing participants. Otherwise if you don’t know how to give in a healthy manner, you won’t receive in a healthy manner. You may THINK it’s love and what you’re doing may come from what you think is a good place. However, if you’re taking crap in the name of love, crap is what you will receive in return.

My sister, my brother. I don’t care who you are or what you’ve gone through; life is ultimately what we make it. In anything you do how you allow someone to treat you is how they will treat you. Your significant others (whether you’re with them or you want to be with them). They know how to treat you by how you treat them. If you’re taking any and everything in the name of love, it’s what they will give you. It says a lot about the both of you.

In my personal life I don’t take disrespect from no one. I treat everyone who crosses my path with respect and I will not take anything less from someone. There’s a certain way to approach me, but I am completely approachable. It’s just that you won’t come at me sideways (disrespectfully). Everybody knows it, because it’s how I carry myself. You may try it once, but I guarantee you that will be the first and last time. I’m the same way in my relationship, I will love you and treat you how I want to be treated. I don’t give that power to NO ONE. For me it’s not about how you want to treat me. It’s how I allow you to treat me and I know it has to be with love, kindness, and respect. I won’t dish it out any other way and you can’t serve it to me any other way.

You have to get to a place in your life where you’re number one (outside of God of course and I have to say it, because He’s first in my life. I’m not pushing it on you, it’s only what I believe). If you’re not first whoever you want or whomever you’re with will know it by how you treat them. If you take disrespect, mistreatment, do any and everything from them in the name of love; they’ll quickly realize it’s all about them and it’s how they will treat you. As if it’s all about them. They’ll know they have that power over you.

YOU DESERVE BETTER! You’re worthy of the best, please believe it! Stop allowing the one you love to treat you any kind of way they choose. You’ll get everything but love in return!