It seems there are many people who really don’t understand what setting boundaries in their lives mean and how empowering they can be to your life. Individuals allow others to invade and dominate their space and lives. I believe boundaries should be set between an individual and everyone that is involved in their life despite of the extend. If you don’t set boundaries sometimes people have the tendency to do whatever they want to you or at least they will give it a good try. I firmly believe in “nipping things in the bud”, not later, but right away.
This is my belief and what I think helps keep me grounded. We must have sense to learn how not to allow others to cause us unnecessary stress. This means husbands, wives, children, the job, friends, family, and any and everything. DO NOT RELINQUISH YOUR PEACE. Learn how to step back and away when it seems you’ve allowed stress to take up too much space.
Boundaries Against Your Children
My mom always said, “toddlers steps on your toes, but teenagers and adult children steps on your heart.” She sure didn’t lie about that! In saying that, it taught me that I had to build a boundary where my two adult daughters are concerned. I’m not saying they’re not good children, but they have their own lives and sometimes it doesn’t include me. I had to grow tough skin when it comes to that fact.
I initially built boundaries when they were little ones. I had to let them know who the parents were in the household. Sometimes children will try you, so you must lay boundaries and do not let them cross those boundaries.
Some parents have no control in their homes or over there children, because they have no boundaries, discipline, or structure in their homes. The children invade their space and privacy at will and they basically do what they want. Children play parents against one another and they can sometimes be quite manipulative. SET BOUNDARIES while they’re young and it will teach children about tolerances, limitations, respect, boundaries, and a host of other good attributes.
Boundaries Against Significant Others
Sometimes our significant others try us too. They want to see how far they can go with certain things. Boundaries must be set with them too. Sometimes they want to push you into things you don’t want. They may do things to you that is uncomfortable. You have every right to “nip it in the bud.” In setting boundaries in this area you can’t act as if you’re good with something today and tomorrow you have a problem with it. You have to set boundaries and stand firm on them and be consistent.
I can’t tell you what particular boundaries you should set against your significant other, but I can tell you if you don’t at some point something will happen that makes you uncomfortable and it’s because you never set a boundary against it. You must make it known what things can’t be crossed.
Boundaries in relationships are set according a person’s individual need. I think everyone should have a few.
Below are boundaries I believe are important to set against everyone in order to keep your peace and joy. I added them to a book I wrote and thought I would share some of what I wrote about with you.
Physical Boundaries These are boundaries we should set up against other people (everyone). If not, people will easily invade your personal space. When you have physical boundaries set and someone crosses them, if you correct a person right away, everyone will know exactly what you will and won’t allow. Some things you may let some people get away with while others you won’t. That’s normal, but regardless you should have them set with everyone.
Simple examples are:
Some people get too close to you or touch you (while in contact with you). This may be something that makes you uncomfortable. For some it’s a habit for others it’s a test to see how far they can go. To avoid any issues from it, set physical boundaries.
You may have friends or family who comes to your house and they go through your things, eat your food, use your things; etc. all without asking, (this happens with co-workers, etc. as well). If you have your boundaries up they will no that behavior won’t be tolerated by you. This boundary should apply to everyone you come in contact with. If not you make everything about you free game when it shouldn’t be.
Friends or family who like to be too chummy with your significant other or vice versa. You have to set boundaries in your relationships with friends and family by letting them know just because they’re friends and family some things you still won’t tolerate from them.
I think you get the idea. Setting boundaries can prevent or eliminate conflict that surrounds this issue in your life.
Mental Boundaries are boundaries you set against others to prevent you from becoming stressed to a point of dysfunction. Many people allow the problems of others along with their own issues to weigh them down to a point of disturbance in their mental states. This is a bad way to cope.
You can’t take everything in and hold it in. You have to learn how to relax and calm your mind. Problem is too many people in this world carry too much on their shoulders. They take and take. They give and give. It becomes too much for a person to bear. Then it causes dysfunction. People end up on medication to help them function day to day.
You can’t live life for anyone else. Life was designed that you live your own, I live mine own, and the next person lives theirs. When a person tries to fix everyone else’s problems, they end adding more to their very own. It’s great to be there for people, but when it comes down to it, each of us has to take ownership of our own individual lives.
Trying to do it all for everyone becomes exhausting and overbearing. When it becomes too far gone it can cause mental imbalance. Learn to set mental boundaries in your life so you do not lose focus and/or your mind. Some people have let it go too far and now can’t go day to day without taking medication. It is unhealthy state of mind.
Emotional Boundaries these are boundaries that can help you to stop getting so emotionally involved and drained over everything you see and/or hear. I believe when people are always going off of their emotions it is what leads to mental breakdown. It’s too much stress and strain on the body to constantly have emotional melt downs over any and everything.
People must learn how to take things as are and as they come while understanding life is designed with good and bad. We will have good days and certainly bad. Good things will happen and so will bad. No matter what we go through we mustn’t constantly give into our emotions in a negative way.
Both Emotional and mental episodes affect the mind. If the mind isn’t healthy nothing else is. It’s my thought that an over abundance of emotional instances lead to a broken mental status. This can be avoided by learning how to control your emotions and not allowing them to control you.
Spiritual Boundaries these are boundaries set against those who want to trample on your beliefs. I can’t tell you what you should believe. It’s your right to believe whatever you choose. Don’t let anyone shake your faith. We’re living in very trying times and our faith is what keeps us standing.
Your faith may be in something other than God. I recommend Jesus to all. But the bottom line is, it’s your choice as to what you believe. Be true to you. I can’t beat my faith into you, it wasn’t beat into me by anyone or God. However, I stand firmly on it. People around me can say and do what they want, it doesn’t shake my faith. I live my life for me and no one else.
We must have a wholeness about us. That means we must be healthy in mind, body, and spirit. When one domain is disturbed is affects the others in some way.
Stay strong and stay encouraged!!