A BROKEN SOUL

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I write on brokenness to some degree in everything I write. The reason is because it’s what dictates the lives of many. When an individual is broken no matter how hard they try to portray his or herself as being okay, the truth will always show in one way or another. Mostly everything about the way we are is learned and if learned it can be unlearned. Too many are walking around broken and stuck in delusional ways of thinking. They think they’re alone, but if they look to their left, right, front, or back, they’ll be looking into the eyes of other broken people.

You wouldn’t believe the many people walking around in this world who are broken. They pretend everything is okay, but the truth shows in their actions. Many things lead this brokenness. However, in my opinion it ALL stems from something an individual has gone through at some point that they never got past. People learn to become this way, because they fail to deal with things appropriately in order to heal. Some never deal with it at all.

In my opinion although significant, what matters is NOT how you got that way, but will you decide to change. No one on the face of this earth has to live a life of despair and brokenness. No matter what anyone thinks it’s a personal decision to remain this way. Too many are carrying around pains of yesterday which has caused them a life of misery. People are miserable and cause misery in the life of others. Not necessarily intentional, but it’s all they know.

A person who’s broken deals with many things that hold them back from being a healthy soul. These types of people don’t have the strength, confidence, or desire to change. They live their lives as if it were a revolving door. In and out of the same situations and problems their entire lives. You can’t move to the left or the right if you’re constantly standing in the revolving door. The only way you will go is around in circles. One has to step out and away in order to move forward.

Some people wonder why they’re always in and out of bad relationships or can’t seem to get into a relationship period. They wonder why they can’t hold a job or find a job, they wonder why they are always depressed, suicidal, homicidal, or performing self mutilating acts. They wonder why they’re dealing with bad thoughts of themselves and of others. They don’t love themselves and some find it hard to love others. They have no trust, self esteem, or confidence. Some are bullies, control freaks, antisocial, hold no social skills, withdrawn, dissociated, possessive, obsessive, easily influenced, unhappy all of the time, co-dependent, dependent, clingy, fearful, addicted to sex, addicted to substances, addicted to other things etc..etc. I can go on and on. No one has to live this way.

People make every excuse for being the way they are. They blame everyone without taking ownership of their own actions. If a person constantly think about the negative things they’ve encountered/endured it has the tendency to truly affect their way of life. It keeps a person drawn into their own distorted reality. The type of behaviors displayed destroy lives. To change isn’t easy, but it is completely doable. People can change IF they choose. It doesn’t matter what a person has gone through it DOESN’T have to cause a life of despair. These types of individuals must make the decision to STOP being the VICTIM. Stop living their lives by hanging on to the pains they’ve endured and stop allowing the memories and thoughts of it to literally dictate their lives. Living this way and with this frame of mind leads to a sad way of life for many.

Many want to give up on life, because they’re unhappy; not realizing they’re causing themselves unnecessary pain and suffering by holding on to things that has happened and are over. People keep things going in their hearts and minds by constantly reliving the memories. Many are oblivious and numb to reality. They can’t see past the pain. The pain isn’t necessarily something they’re currently going through in a physical manner. However they live it through their memories, thoughts, feelings from the events. It changes everything about a person.

It causes messed up relationships, broken people giving birth to children and causing their children to live the same types of life. It’s not fair! When a person is addicted to substances there’s an underlying issue/s that has caused the person to become this way. It all comes from past events. More than likely they had drug addicted parents, friends, or other people in their lives who introduced them to it. SOMETHING happened! I don’t believe it’s a gene, if it were I should be a substance addicted person. It runs rampant it my family, but a lot of us aren’t. IT’S A PERSONAL CHOICE TO PICK IT UP AND IT’S A PERSONAL CHOICE TO PUT IT DOWN.

It’s like a person on Prednisone. Side affect is weight gain, BUT you won’t gain that weight IF you DON’T over eat. I know, I was on them for many years. What I’m trying to say in relation to the topic is this; NO MATTER what a person goes through and NO MATTER how tragic he or she can move on from it in a healthy way. If you grabbed onto a hot poker it will burn your hand. It will burn you for as long as you hold it. However, once you let go the burning stops. If you care for it the hand will heal.

Our minds are the same. If we continue to hold on to the bad memories we will continue to have the bad thoughts, feelings of it, and bad actions/behaviors because of it. The more we focus on negativity, it fuels the anger, rage, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideations, homicidal ideations, negative self talk, poor self esteem, fetishes, prosmiscious behaviors, addictions, poor communication and social skills, AND ALL OF THE MILLIONS OF OTHER THINGS caused by negative ways of thinking. Once a person makes the decision to change they can begin the healing process. If the decision to change is never made that individual will carry the negative thoughts, feelings, and actions in and out of every single situation they encounter in life (NOTHING BUT UNNECCESARY BAGGAGE). Everything is caused by something, but we have to be able to recognize and accept the affect it can have on our lifes. We must willfully and consciously decide to NOT allow it to affect us in negative ways.

Having no bond with your parent/s, no parents/s, no father, no mother, abusive parents, no love-attention, neglect, plain bad parents, drug addicted parents, rape, molestation, held captive, life in foster care, bullied, talked about, talked down to, ostracized, criticized, lied on, cheated on, beat, NO MATTER what it is NONE OF IT has to cause you a life of pain and suffering UNLESS you choose for it to. Too many PAST victims are CURRENT victims of their pasts.

I will forever talk about this until someone gets it! Anyone can change their ways IF they choose. STOP DOING TO YOURSELVES WHAT’S ALREADY BEEN DONE TO YOU. STOP DOING TO OTHERS WHAT WAS DONE TO YOU!!! You deserve better AND others don’t deserve mistreatment from you, because YOU CHOOSE TO STAY WHERE YOU ARE!!! My heart goes out to these types of people, not because of how they are, but because they fail to recognize they are their own worst enemy and the fact that they CAN change, but instead of doing so, many remain in their own self fueling turmoil.

WHEN THE LOVE IS GONE

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Unfortunately sometimes in life we cause our own demise in our relationships.

Most times once the love is gone, it’s gone for good. Sometimes it can be recaptured, but for the most part when it’s gone, it’s gone. Before individuals get to this point in their relationships every measure should be taken to do the right thing from the start NOT when you see the love is dwindling. Too many people wait until it’s far gone before trying to fix things. In relationships you simply can’t do this. If you do, you may not like the consequences. Many people let things go until they’re out of control. Once a person loses the love they once had for their significant other it’s hard to rekindle things or to get things back on track.

Some people do whatever they think they’re big and bad enough to do. Their significant others put up with a bunch of things and they take and take, but when they’ve had enough the person doing all of the mess decides they want to straighten up. By then, it’s too late for the relationship.

In marriages and relationships leading to this commitment, you simply can’t do whatever you please. You’re in a committed relationship that you chose to be in. Regardless if you felt pressured in any way, you made the ultimate decision to be in the relationship. You could have walked away, but you chose to stay. Some significant others take it for a while, because of the love they feel for the one they’re with. However, when they see nothing is changing and the one they love continues to mess up significant others begin to feel another way about their relationships.

It’s a sad thing when you lose the love you once had for someone. A person can cause you to disengage and not feel what you once felt. A person can be beat down to a point where the love fades. Then there’s no desire to be with the person you once loved so dearly. It’s unfortunate, but it happens day in and day out.

People should be committed, faithful, dedicated, and loyal to the one they’re with, but we know so many fall short when it comes to this. Yet, when significant others get tired of putting up with the bull, the one who’s keeping up the mess seems to want to fight tooth and nail to keep their significant other. I won’t say you shouldn’t fight tooth and nail, but what I will say is, you should have been doing it all along.

People must stop the madness! Stop getting into relationships and think you can act, do, or say anything you want. You are an individual, but most importantly you’re in a relationship and it’s not all about you anymore. You must take into consideration the feelings of your significant other at ALL TIMES. You can’t do what you want to do and think it will be alright. Stop taking the one you’re supposed to love for granted. When you do whatever you want taking your significant other for granted is EXACTLY what you’re doing.

Don’t wait until it’s too late for you. Treat your significant other with the love, care, and respect they deserve. It’s a lie, the grass ISN’T always greener on the other side. A lot of people cross over to see and find out it wasn’t all they thought it would be. Give your relationship the attention it deserves so that you won’t find yourself in this type of situation.

I’ve seen some people take so much from their significant others until it pains me to see it. Some people don’t seem to wake up because of insecurities they will stay and continue to be mistreated by the one who supposedly love them. Then on the other hand other people take all they feel they can take and they decide to move on. Get yourself together NOW, before it’s too late for you and your relationship. When the love is gone sometimes it’s gone forever.