BEING HONEST OR TALKING TOO MUCH

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In the beginning of many relationships people are on a high. They’re in what they think is love. For some it may be love for many it isn’t. One mistake among many made early in relationships is people have the tendency of “spilling all their beans” and the soup the beans were cooked in (everything).

It’s not about starting a relationship with lies, but you have to have sense enough to know what is and isn’t important for your significant other to know. Now if it’s something that could possibly affect him or her in any way then yes; you should tell it. However, some of you talk like your mouths have diarrhea. You think because you love him or her that it’s cool to tell all the details of your prior relationships and other parts of your lives. There are some things you shouldn’t tell your significant other, because honestly, it’s not their business and it has nothing to do with your current relationship.

Most people feel too much too quickly and are normally going by feelings and emotions. You tell all of your business and then when your significant other holds it against you FOREVER, the only thing you can say is “why do you keep throwing it up in my face this was way before our time?” You’re EXACTLY right and it’s why you should have kept your lips together.

Women seem to be more guilty of this then men, but men are guilty too. The difference is men tend to hold on to what they hear for a very long time. It’s hard for a lot of men to let it go. A lot of men allow these things to ruin their relationships because they can’t get past what they’ve learned about their significant others. Women can sometimes take things a little better, at least they pretend too. They’re more focused on the love they feel then what they’ve been told. They can let it go and move on, but some men simply cannot let it go.

There is also something to say about people who can’t let go of what they’ve learned about their significant others. These are people who have insecurities they’re finding hard to let go of and hearing things they didn’t necessarily need to know intensifies their insecurities. These types of people find it hard to trust and their insecurities keep them on the edge about a lot of things. There are constant issues surrounding these types of individuals. Their insecurities didn’t start after hearing what their significant others shared, they had them long before meeting their significant others. In other words it’s baggage brought into the relationship.

The moral of this post is stop telling things you don’t need to be telling. You think you’re doing a good deed, but it will more than likely come back to haunt you. Many can’t take what they’re told, so before you open your mouth to share something that has NOTHING to do with your current relationship you best be prepared for the consequences of your actions, because you will have to face them.

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CONSTANT FIGHTING

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When you’re in a relationship and there’s constant discord, this is very unhealthy. Too many individuals are focused on trying to change their partners when they need to worry about changing themselves.

You can’t change your significant other it’s pointless trying. They must want to change on their own. Many of you know exactly what you got before you got deep into your relationships, now you want the person to change. You fight over things your significant others do although they’re doing what they’ve done since day one. It’s no surprise! The only difference is you’ve made deeper commitments and now you want something different from him or her.

Some of you fight in front of your children and then you wonder why they’re so angry or rebellious. Please understand the influences you have over your young children. All of the fighting interferes with your children’s (those of you who have them) psyche and stages of development. Children don’t know how to process this behavior and it’s not fair to them to have to deal with it. If you can’t handle it how do you think a child can handle it?

If you really love one another and simply don’t know how to communicate there are many avenues to seek help. Communication is necessary from the start. When couples don’t have effective communication they have all sorts of problems. It doesn’t only cause problem for the couple but for everyone in the household, especially when it’s out of control.

Some couples take their fighting to the streets airing all of their dirty laundry. This is so bad. It is also very immature. People are waiting to see you acting foolish in public. Stop fighting, grow up, and learn how to effectively communicate. To do so benefits everyone in the home.

WALKING BY FAITH AND NOT BY SIGHT

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If we walked by sight we wouldn’t get anywhere. We must walk by faith. Faith is something you can’t see you simply have to believe. Too many want to give up on God and oftentimes themselves because they don’t see their breakthrough on the horizon. You won’t ever see it if you give up. You won’t ever see it if you don’t believe you can make it through. You won’t ever see it if you are focused on your troubles versus coming out of them.

Stop doubting God and yourself. Keep walking by faith. When you doubt you’re not walking by faith. When you allow fear to keep you in bondage; you’re not walking by faith. When you don’t trust God; you’re not walking by faith. When you put all of your trust in man; you’re not walking by faith.

No matter what it look like continue to walk by faith. The more you walk by faith the more your faith will increase. God gave us power but we can’t tap into the power we have if we don’t believe we have it. As Christians we should be healing the sick and working miracles, etc. People aren’t walking by faith in these days and times. People want to give up at every turn. Every time a storm comes people want to drop out of the race. God said “the race isn’t given to the swift nor the strong, but to the one who holds out until the end.” Hang in there, because troubles don’t last always. Trust God to be who He say He is no matter what you’re facing and no matter how tough it seems.

“Without faith it’s impossible to please God.” If you don’t have faith, it means you don’t trust Him. Pray for your increase. Stop focusing on the problem and start believing God to be who He is. We are going to go through more trying times. You must be ready to stand. You can’t do that without faith.

I pray your faith increases. Stop trying to fight your battles on your own. If you say you believe in God, then trust Him and let Him work. The Bible says “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, evidence of things not seen.” “Believe those things as if they were.” It isn’t tangible, it isn’t visible, but it is possible if you believe. Activate your faith! It’s up to each of us to step out on faith, walk by faith and NOT by sight. I pray this for you in Jesus name!

YOU CAN HELP WHO YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH

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I get so tired of hearing people say “I can’t help who I fall in love with.” This is some straight bull crap. The heart may want what it wants, but a person can certainly help who they fall in love with. Those who don’t believe it are generally those who suffers the consequences of their bad choices.

I pray you get something from what I write. However, if you want me to write what you want to hear I’m sorry this isn’t the site for you. I will always write the truth of what I believe and about what I know. My goal is to help someone. I realize people see and do things differently. However, regardless of it all it depends on who people really are and NOT who they pretend or portray themselves to be as to the decisions they make. The truth of who anyone is will ALWAYS show in some manner through their actions.

Not believing you can’t help who you fall in love with is one reason so many people get into bad relationships. Relationships involving more than one person, relationships that are unhealthy, relationships causing stress, depression, anxiety, etc.

Most times, when one believes you can’t help who you fall in love with this person doesn’t look at the big picture. Instead they go off of feelings of their heart. They miss all of the signs. They often find his or herself in situations that are detrimental to their mental and physical well being.

It is true we become attracted to people, but the “buck doesn’t stop there.” When a person is focused on their feelings (their wants and desires, they forget about their true needs) they allow their hearts to lead them wrong. You may be very attracted to a person, but that doesn’t mean it is someone you should be with. Instead of many taking the time to work through this, they go with the flow until they’re knocked upside the head by bricks of reality. These individuals end up thinking about the individual all of the time (feening for him or her). They lose all focus because of feelings of their hearts. They find it hard getting the person off of their minds. It’s because they’ve continually held on to thoughts of this person. Most do this without knowing anything about the person other than the fact they want to be with him or her; which is the catylst to their fire.

If the person you’re attracted to is ANYTHING other than single and available you need to immediately get your heart in check. Take a moment and allow your hormones to settle down. Think about the situation at hand. If you’re more focused on the feelings you’re having, you’re bound to move in the direction of what your heart wants. This doesn’t only relate to ensuring they’re available it involves many other things. You won’t know any of it if you’re flying off of the feelings of your heart and not taking into consideration everything.

It’s foolish to fall in love with someone who’s not available, it’s foolish to fall for someone over his or her looks, or for ANY reason other than love. If people would take the time to look at their situations more closely and with clear heads many lives could be or could have been different. Unfortunately instead, many find themselves in countless unfortunate situations.

If you want to go off of feelings of the heart and allow yourself to move forward and fall in love with someone you KNOW you shouldn’t be with in the first place (for whatever reason), it’s something YOU DEFINITELY COULD HAVE HELPED IT, BUT CHOSE NOT TOO.

We ALWAYS have free will in the choices we make. We want to blame things on this and that, but the fact of the matter is it’s an excuse whether right or wrong to do what we want to do. If you meet someone and you find out there’s circumstances that shows it’s something you shouldn’t move forward with, yet you still move forward with the relationship. It was/is a choice that you freely made. Anytime you get to choose; then you have the opportunity to move backwards or forwards. Problem for most is they choose to move forward despite the many signs showing that they shouldn’t. Then they want to tell these two lies #1 You can’t help who you fall in love with (true if you’re NOT trying too) #2 I didn’t see the signs (you don’t see them because at the moment you didn’t want to). Lies, lies, lies!

Before you get involved with someone because you’re feeling all cozy inside you need to forget about those feelings and look at the entire picture. I guarantee if more people would do this they would avoid a lot of heartaches. The sad part about it is that no matter what, people will still allow their hearts and loins to lead them in bad places. Don’t let that be you and if it happen to be you please stop it. You deserve better for yourself. Take time and look at things deeper than what’s on the surface, because there is where the real true lies. When you make decisions to be with someone solely due to those emotions you’re feeling you’re likely to miss the many signs pointing out the truth. Looking deeper will ALWAYS save you a lot of grief.

Blessing to you, you, and you!

WHEN WILL YOU LEARN

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God is first in my life, but unfortunately many don’t believe in Him and unfortunately many claim they have a relationship with Him, yet the way they live their lives tells the true story. Because many don’t believe and because many are straddling the fence, it is the reason I am writing this post. It’s for anyone who can relate or no someone who can relate.

I don’t care what you say or do some people will not make a true change until they are ready. Sometimes it’s painstakingly disheartening when no matter what people learn they will go right out and step in the same pile or a different pile of poo (Metaphorically speaking). People want what they want regardless the pain and suffering it brings. This is the mind of an immature person (spiritually and mentally).

People are constantly signing up for abusive relationships  and are ending up hurt or dead. Yes signing up means getting into them of freewill despite the signs of abuse. Then what gets me is if they survive but are maimed they’re considered as very strong and brave because they tell their stories. No, they should have been brave and told their stories long ago and got out. Senseless, because it NEVER had to get to that point. Love isn’t blind people are and because people are blind to the truth they endure things they never ever should have gone through. The signs are always present in some form or another. Over and over we all have seen both men and women killed by those they are in relationships with. The people who did the hurting or killing didn’t wake up one day and decided to kill or hurt their significant others they always had the tendencies to abuse, but their significant others because of the feelings of their hearts ignored them or simply let the signs pass them by. Instead of getting out before things get too far out of hand, they stay and not only put their own lives in jeopardy, they put others around them in jeopardy as well. We all have heard about other family members and friends being killed or hurt because they’re a part of the circle. Yet no matter how much people see it firsthand, hear about it, see it on TV, or read about in magazines; people are still getting into these types of relationships. (Young and old). Love isn’t abusive in any way.

People are constantly getting into marriages and ending up completely miserable and unhappy, because they didn’t want to get married in the first place. Stop marrying people for the wrong reasons. Stop marrying because of looks, material things, what a person have, because you’re being pressured by (the bride, groom, family, friends, etc), and stop marrying because of a baby. Stop this ignorance, nothing will keep you together but loving one another and being in love. Then you have those who marry knowing that the other person does things they don’t approve of, knowing they’re unevenly yoked, knowing the person is a player, knowing the person can’t stand their parents, knowing they don’t like kids (yet you have kids-what sense does it make), knowing the person love to party a lot but you don’t, knowing there’s plenty of momma and daddy drama, knowing there are all kinds of baggage coming with him or her, and all sorts of foolishness. You marry because you think they will change or you think you can change them. MOST TIMES THEY DON’T! You can’t change anyone but yourself. It’s foolish to think otherwise. Grow up, stop it! You’re causing your own unhappiness.

People are constantly getting into relationships with individuals who are already in relationships, thinking you’re special when in fact you are not that special. To the person you’re cheating with it’s all about him or her and not really about the one they’re cheating with or their significant other. It’s about the individual and what they want. As long as they can get what they want from the both of you they will. Stop allowing a person to play you for a fool. No matter what you’re told; when you know they’re already in a relationship that should be enough to send you on your way. It is plain irresponsible and stupid for you to go along with it. You will only end up in some drama. Stop this nonsense.

People are constantly getting into relationships trying to save people. You meet him or her and they have all kinds of issues such as past drama that has them dysfunctional, drug or alcohol issues, ex cons or those who are plain lazy and aren’t trying to do better, people who have a history of violence, sex offenders, etc. etc. You meet these people and then you fall in what you think is love; UNTIL you end up lost, confused, depressed, trapped, riddled with anxiety and depression, because of all the stress you’re surrounded by on a daily basis. Some people end up so lost they would rather die because they feel it’s their only way out. Why? It’s because they get into relationships trying to save the person they’re with. You can’t do it. I keep telling people a person will straighten up for a while to get you, once they have you if the change wasn’t sincere they will go back to who they really are. Back to the way they were when you met them and how you accepted them. No ones to blame but yourself. What I’m saying is you’re no super hero. You can’t save anyone but yourself, but you can definitely lose your peace of mind trying to save someone you think you love. When people change and it lasts they do it because they really wanted too.

People are still having unprotected sex despite the many venereal diseases are out there (genital warts, herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, genital warts, AIDS, HIV, etc. It’s no game but many are playing Russian roulette with their lives. They don’t take notice until they have something they can’t get rid of or a person they can’t get rid of. They want to kill the person who gave them the disease, but quickly forget they freely participated in the act. When you make these bad decisions unfortunately you get what you get and often it’s not what you really wanted. People are still jumping into bed with this and that person and then using abortions as a form of contraception when the woman becomes pregnant. Anytime you have sex you risk the possibility of anything too include soul tied attachments.

I am going to keep talking about these things and praying someone gets it. Too many put their happiness in the hands of already unhappy people, because they feel they love the person when in fact most times they don’t really know the person, know his or herself, or know anything about love. When individuals continue to do this, it’s a clear sign they too are unhappy.

This wasn’t written to spare feelings and thoughts. It’s written to share the truth. Everyday people are finding themselves in tough situations. Unfortunately they are situations they didn’t ever have to be in. Forget about the people you’re with (they’re only doing to you what you allow). Look at yourself and understand the problem starts with you. Why? Because of the decisions you continue to make. You can’t blame someone else for a decision you made (getting into mess or staying in mess). By continuing to get into the same type of situations with the same person or different people IT IS YOU that you must fix! It’s time to step back and work on you before you take another step forward. I pray blessings to you and you!!

THE REALITY OF TRYING TO LOVE TWO

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This post is for any man or woman who’s in a relationship with someone whose in another relationship with someone else at the same time. As I ALWAYS say; people do to you exactly what you allow. We show people how to treat us when we continue to be their doormats (in some form or another). If we take it they’ll dish it out.

I want you to understand something; if you’re in a relationship with your significant other and he or she claims to love you, yet there is someone else in the picture; it’s a lie. The reason I say it’s a lie is because no one can love two. They may think they can, but they cannot.

Both women and men need to STOP getting involved with individuals who are already in relationships. It’s selfish and demeaning to yourself to do so. You will be strung along as long as you allow. The person who is stringing you alone don’t love you or his or her significant other. They may have feelings for you both, but the ONLY one they love is his or herself. It is him or her who’s getting the satisfaction they seek. If you’re on the receiving end you’re only a pawn in their scheme of lies. You’re being used.

There are times when I know the truth isn’t known. What I mean is this; people get involved with someone but don’t really know the person is in a relationship with someone else. I believe the reason they don’t know is because they’re completely led by their hearts. Too much has to happen to keep up this façade and when people are lead by their hearts they will miss the big picture (the truth). They will see signs of the truth, but they won’t face it. They will go along with him or her even though they see signs of untruth.

People in these types of relationships are lied to, brought, used, completely disrespected, etc. They are missing the “big picture.”  The one on the outside who’s foolishly involved in the relationship may be in love with the user, but the user certainly isn’t in love with him or her. They are emotionally involved, but it’s not love.

Love is gentle, patient, honest, selfless, giving, loyal, dedicated, kind, etc. It is not lies, cheating, irresponsible, self gratification, sneaking, lustful, etc. etc. If someone loves you, they will love you and no other woman or man. He or she will be loyal to you and you alone. He or she wouldn’t dare bring someone else into the relationship to defile it. Those who do are selfish and immature. They are out to please his or herself and are not thinking about the devastation they bring to their current relationships.

People must have self respect when they do they will then respect other people and other people’s relationships. They won’t go there. If a man or woman gives you excuses about why they’re still with someone or why they aren’t happy at home; let it go into one ear and straight out the other! Don’t fall for it, because the fact remains THEY ARE STILL IN THE RELATIONSHIP. Period!! If they’re still in their current relationship and approaching someone else, they are playing a game. They are a liar and they CANNOT be trusted.

STOP being led by your hearts and loins. If someone is already in a relationship they are OFF LIMITS to everyone else. I don’t care how many lies of misery they tell. Their looks, what they have, or the position they hold shouldn’t tempt you to fall into their trap. They are OFF limits!! All they will bring into your life is pain and heartache. You will find yourself sad and in an unhappy place and it will be your fault, because you accepted it. If you didn’t know in the beginning but found out later, yet continued to stay in the relationship it’s still your fault. It’s your fault because you can’t control what he or she does, you can only control yourself, yet your choice was to stay.

Millions don’t want to accept the truth. The reason people don’t like the truth is because they don’t want to hear it. They want to keep doing what they do without any repercussions. They lack self respect, mental/spiritual maturity, and a host of other things.

People who are getting into other relationships while knowing he or she’s in a current one doesn’t care about anyone but his or herself UNTIL they’re caught. When a decision must be made this is when who they care most about comes to the surface. Oftentimes it’s their significant other and other times it’s the other person. Then there are those who will get caught and lie to the end or say they’re sorry and that it’s over, but as soon as the smoke clears they will start doing the same thing over again.

No one can love two at the same time. They’re in  self denial to think so. The thought of it alone is enough to show this type of person is all about his or herself. They will bring drama into the lives of all involved in the relationship. Don’t be a partaker of this mess!

Blessings to you and you!