FIRST IT MADE YOU LAUGH NOW IT MAKES YOU CRY

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Here I go again! When individuals get involved with one another it feels good right (that’s because it’s new)? I think this is when some people make all of the wrong decisions. They often move too quickly due to what they’re feeling. They fall over the edge and into what most think is love.

People meet and sparks fly. It’s chemistry, thoughts of “the hook up,” this and that, but hardly ever love. You feel super happy and your mind is full of thoughts of the other person. No one can tell you anything, because your mind is made up about the individual. All you want, feel you need, and your desire is to be with is this individual. You overlook any negativity.

People give of themselves until they often find they’re drained spiritually, mentally, and physically. They do everything they can to please the other person; getting little or nothing in return. These types of individuals are on a high, they ignore things that are evident until it’s too late. They think they’re happy and they will do whatever they can to stay that way UNTIL the same thing that made them laugh it now making them cry. Then and only then is when some will open their eyes and see the truth. Oftentimes by then many are in bad situations; situations they find it difficult to get out of.

The thought of being in love can be profound, but actually being in love is another story. The two are totally different. People take too much in the name of love when it’s not love at all. Many experience infatuations of love, but not love itself. People settle for anything to get something, yet left with nothing. They blindly get into bad situations thinking it’s all good until they later find out it wasn’t what they wanted after all. There are many who are in one-sided relationships. These individuals live on hopes of their significant others changing, when it’s the individual (his or herself) who needs to change. You  can’t change another person unless that person wants to change.

It’s not hard to figure out people if you take the time to do it. However, it’s difficult to do so when you’re completely guided by your emotions and blind to the truth. People willfully put themselves in situations they end up very unhappy with..

What once made you laugh can indeed can later make you cry. True saying!!! It’s a wonderful thing to be in love, but it’s hell when you’re in love by yourself. The other person knows exactly how they feel about you, you won’t see it if you’re caught up in your emotions. Sooner or later the truth will show in their actions. When they show you ONE TIME, that’s enough; so believe it!!!

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INFLICTING THE SAME PAIN YOU ONCE ENDURED

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INFLICTING THE SAME PAIN YOU ONCE ENDURED. Does it seem logical or rational to do this? I don’t think so! I know some of you may not like what I’ve written, but people need to know and understand the truth. One problem with many individuals is they don’t like hearing or reading the truth and this is why many don’t take the initiative to change. They continue to hide behind the truth until the truth reveals itself.

I know firsthand how people who’ve gone through horrific ordeals oftentimes use their experiences as a crutch and excuse to do the exact same things they endured to someone else. Why would this type of person think it’s okay to inflict the same pains they’ve experienced on someone else when they know how they felt when they went through it? It’s a selfish thing to do.

SEXUAL ABUSE

Most people struggles with what happened to them. During  experiences involving sexual abuse; many people feel guilt, shame, embarrassment, confusion, etc. They end up feeling confused about their own sexualities. They are straddled the fence  concerning their sexual preferences and identities, and because of it they feel guilty. They are confused about the feelings they experienced while going through their ordeals (especially when it felt good, although they thought it was wrong). Many are too young at the time to know how to deal with it (the feelings of it being right or wrong). It has lead many to choose the same sex partner in life (I’ve had many people tell me this). The worst part of it all is many who were sexually abused have gone on to abuse others. I think it’s for several reasons and the main one is they never really dealt with what they experienced (a lot of people hid it for years and some are still hiding it). They never addressed the thoughts and feelings they had and because of it they have a lot of things held inside. They try to hide behind the truth by holding it in, but the truth comes out in one’s actions even if words aren’t spoken. Oftentimes it when they have inflicted the same type of pain onto someone else. This is further tragedy.

PHYSICAL ABUSE

Again, I believe when children experience this form of abuse at an early age and never receive help coping; many of them go on to inflict the same pains on their children or the children of others. They become angry adults, withdrawn, depressed, etc. etc. Many try to hide it, but it’s very difficult to do so and ultimately it shows in their actions.

PARENTING

The most important time between parents and their children are the weeks and months after birth and their toddler years. Little children soak up all they experience (good or bad). It’s important for children to receive the necessary nurturing and bonding they need to develop properly. When they don’t receive this it affects them. Parents teach their children important lessons as they grow. Unfortunately sometimes they aren’t good ones. Many children see and experience things no child ever should. They turn into the many adults who are our friends, family, and neighbors; who are having a hard time coping in life, because of issues of their pasts.

I could go on and on listing many different topics. The moral of it all is that people choose the decisions they make no matter what experiences they’ve dealt with in life. We all have a story or stories we could tell. It doesn’t matter how horrific, it is up to each person as to how they will allow their experiences to affect them.

I’m not trying to say that every person who went through sexual trauma or any other bad situations as a child won’t be able to cope, because that wouldn’t be true. However, there are many individuals who can’t. It has greatly affected their lives and it shows in the decisions they make. I pray that people get help with their issues and that they take into account how their experiences affected them and STOP inflicting the same things they went through onto others.

Blessings!!

FACING THE ROOT OF YOUR ANGER IN ORDER TO HEAL

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I felt a great need to talk about anger today. I am seeing and hearing about horrible things people are doing out of anger. The reason most people continue to do the things they do is because they NEVER face the root of their issues. Anger is a learned behavior that creates hatred in people.

People think they go from 0 to 100 right away, but although one’s reaction seem so, people really don’t. Everyone has a moment to reflect, but most don’t take it. They go off instead. People like to blame the next person for the decisions they make to react negatively in situations.

It’s not the next person’s fault as to how you act it is your own fault. If people would take a few minutes to think before they react they wouldn’t be in the predicaments many find themselves. The root of anger lies within and as mentioned earlier in this post, it is a learned behavior.

The biggest problem is, many do not face whatever it is causing this anger. Instead, people act or re-act without taking the time to think. They live their lives pushing away those who love them and most don’t like who they are as individuals. People become angry due to things they’ve experienced ( all types of abuse and mistreatment, neglect, abandonment, lack of attention, lack of nurturing, bad surroundings, etc. etc).

As children many have seen anger in their parents (parents are angry for whatever reason) or whoever brought them up. Behaviors are learned and although children learn a lot from people outside of their home, much starts early in life and in the home. As children many are raised in chaotic homes/environments. When children don’t know how to deal with negativity it all goes inward. It messes them up and they carry this into their adulthoods. They carry the anger inside (suppressing it) causing problems throughout their lives. They become adults who don’t know how to handle this anger.

I’m praying people learn to deal with their issues by facing what has gotten them to the point they’re at. No one can do this by constantly being self destructive. This behavior not only ruins their lives it causes destruction in the lives of those around them. Many of these people are in jail or dead. They weren’t able to deal with their anger and because of it they end up doing things they couldn’t undo. Others are unhappy and instead of trying to deal with their issues they continue on the war path while living in misery.

It’s unfortunate, but many have killed themselves as well as others. I keep telling people “we only have one life to live here on earth.” No status or amount of money will change that fact. It’s terrible that people live their lives being angry when they can choose to change by facing their ways of thinking.

People are trapped by their ways of thinking. How we think about things is what influences our behaviors. People have allowed their thoughts and feelings of their pasts and other situations they’ve experienced to keep them in bad states of mind. They lose focus over their situations because there’s no control over their anger.

To change takes a person’s willingness to change. It takes the belief you can change. Unfortunately many make a million and one reasons for not changing. Look around at the destruction left behind by people who can’t control their anger. They do unthinkable things out of their uncontrollable anger. They are full of hatred. Anger leads to hatred and rage when it’s allowed to build up and is carried within year after year. If a person don’t deal with it they continue to live their lives in unhealthy ways.

I pray that those with anger issues stop acting out prematurely and learn how to deal with their issues. If they do it will change their lives for the better. You deserve peace!!

NEGATIVE THOUGHTS COUPLED WITH HURTING HEARTS

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Negative thoughts can come from a million things. I believe predominately it begins in childhood. When people don’t deal with their issues they grow older, but they don’t mature and develop healthily. They get older, but maturely they fail to progress. It’s why you see so many make the same mistakes over and over. It’s also why you see people make bad decisions or do the unthinkable. Their actions comes from the negativity they hold inside making them into who’ve they’ve become. IE: (angry, bitter, raged, desperate, evil, devious, malicious, depressed, suicidal, homicidal, plain confused about life, mean, seeking self gratification at any cost, manipulative, addicted to substances – sex- and other things, etc, etc) and a host of other things.

I’ve mentioned in earlier posts and I’ll mention it in this one. Every single thing we do starts with a thought. Although people may not talk about it, who they really are (yet try so hard to hide/contain) and what they feel is shown through their actions/decisions they make. Most people think they’re good at hiding it, but oftentimes then not it will show at some point in their bad decisions. You can pretend for only so long, before the truth shows up in some form or another.

People hold on to negative thoughts for years without understanding what they’re doing or without realizing how it is destroying their lives. They continue to go through the same things and make the same mistakes; with no understanding as to why they’re doing it.

These negative thoughts fester and lay dormant, the whole while people lives are being destroyed without individual’s understanding why. It’s because they hold on to things that have hurt them instead of learning something from their experiences and moving on. People are emotional because of the pains they’ve endured; which keeps them in unhealthy places in their lives (mentally, spiritually, and physically).

No matter how tragic a person’s life may have been life doesn’t stop for tragedy, it continues to move. People continue to drag  memories of those unfortunate events in their lives carrying the thoughts and feelings in and out of relationships and other situations. This behavior sabotages and destroy lives.

None of us can change what happened to us in our pasts, but we can change how we allow it to affect us in our here and now and ultimately our futures. Many continue to embrace the negativity as if they’re prospering from it. They don’t face their situations and they certainly don’t take into account where they are at in their lives. Instead they keep going in and out of bad situations; all because of what they’ve gone through and how they continue to let it affect them. If you’re an adult with these issues, what do you think you teach your children? The cycle begins all over again. As a parent you may not put our child through what you went through, but how you react to what you’ve gone through will show in your actions and therefore affect your children. This is why you see kids doing the unthinkable and making all types of bad decisions. It’s starts at home.

This doesn’t have to be you. It’s completely your choice to let go of the negativity that has kept you in such a bad place in your life. It’s all in your way of thinking and no one can make the decision to change it but you. In order for change to occur you must first realize that change needs to occur and then make the decision to change. People make life much harder than it has to be, because they continue to pile  junk on top of junk. They complain and cry woe it’s me, but never attempt to face the man in the mirror. Regardless of where it derives from, to live a life time holding on to unnecessary negativity fosters nothing but a life time of pain. No one has to live this way. Unwillingness to change will keep you trapped in the state of mind you’re in thus altering your life forever.

I wrote a poem once titled “Peace Starts Within.” This is true! Your peace belongs to you and it’s there for the taking, but if you give power to people or things it is those people and things that will rob you of your peace. We aren’t born this way, we learn these behaviors through the power we give others and the power we give to things over our lives. Individuals want to blame everyone else for the way they are. No matter how unfortunate it may have been you have the power to change. You can release those bad memories/thoughts and stop allowing them to cause you pain today. You’re still in it, because you keep it at the forefront of your mind. You’re holding the negativity near and dear to you when the benefit is absolutely NONE. You’ve learned to become this way. Anything you’ve learned; you can unlearn.

Blessing to each of you!

SEEING THE TRUTH BEYOND YOUR DESIRES

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I guess you’re wondering what the title means? I know I’ve gone over this many times and because I continue to hear of foolishness people do or continue to deal with; I wanted to revisit this subject. I’ve always said and will continue to say a person will treat you exactly how you allow. You teach a person exactly how to treat you. If you freely take it they will dish it out (no matter what it is).

If people would only consider what I’m writing it could change someone’s life. The only reason it won’t is because a person doesn’t want to give up what they THINK they have or give up what they THINK is a good thing. It’s not, but they can’t see past the fog.

People can’t see past the fog, because they’re allowing what they’re feeling to lead and control their actions. What I mean is this; people are going strictly off of their distorted thoughts and feelings. They act or re-act solely to these things. The reason people are in this distorted mode of thinking is because of who they really are; which lies inside of us all and always shows through our actions.

The junk inside is why they act the way they do. It is why people hold on to significant others who have let them go. It’s why people hold on to significant others who abuse them. It is why people hold on to significant others who are messed up, but they’re trying to save and oftentimes end up losing control of themselves in the midst of it all. It is why people take, take, and take from others only to be defeated, cheated, and mistreated. It is why people hold on to significant others who willfully bring nothing to their relationships (only sex), often they don’t contribute in any other way. It is why people would rather be with some man or woman rather than no one at all.

I can go on and on, but I hope you get what I’m trying to say. You must look past the fog. The truths of other people most times are presented to us, but if we’re in bad places in our lives we miss the truth staring us in the face. It happens because most people are messed up inside and the truth of the matter is they’re so focused on trying to find happiness they can’t see past the fog. It’s about receiving the feelings of love they’re seeking. People put themselves through foolishness, torture, unforgiveable situations in order to receive something they desire (love). Again, when people endure these types of things it’s because they are messed up inside and instead of going off of the truth they are caught up by their own misguided and messed up emotions.

Our emotions come from the thoughts we have about things. You think about it and then you feel something behind the thought/thoughts. Then; next follows the action or reactions to those thoughts and feelings. Most people don’t understand this is what’s going on, because they’re only focused on seeking the gratification they desire and they will endure anything to get it. The ONLY problem here is they’re NOT receiving what they truly desire, but they can’t see this truth, because they can’t see past the desires of their hearts. Unfortunately this leads to undesirable and oftentimes tragic endings.

There’s no way a person can have and hold a healthy relationship or even choose the person best for them when they’re all messed up inside. Who they are is someone they’re always trying to either hide or not face at all. People don’t want to show the ugliness inside. They don’t want to show how vulnerable they are. They don’t want to show how sad, lonely, and confused they are. They don’t want to show the truth for fear of what others will think. Instead without realizing it, the truth of who people really are always seeps out and shows in the decisions they make and the actions they take.