Addicted to Pain


Today someone asked me why did I name the post “Addicted to Pain.”  This was my answer! The reason I named it as such is because I’m trying to help someone. You can’t help anyone if you try to give people what they want to hear versus the truth. My intentions are never to put down or hurt anyone in anyway, but I won’t sugarcoat anything to make someone feel better about their situation. The sad truth is many are addicted to pain and it’s why many are living the same way and going through the same mess. If you don’t like it  then you change it. Most won’t try to change, they don’t have time for that! They think it requires too much work. Others say they don’t know how to. I’ve said it a million times, if you’re living a negative life, because of a negative way of thinking, you must change the way you’re currently thinking  and when you do it changes your life. You change negative thinking by replacing it with positive thinking. If something bad has happened to you, IF it’s from your past; understand that your past is no more, it’s gone forever. The only thing left of it is what you bring along day in day out (your memories of it whether good or bad). Stop allowing those memories to fester into negative thoughts about people who are probably not in your life anymore, dead, gone on with their lives, or who aren’t thinking of you. Stop giving them power over your life.

No matter what or who you must make up your mind that you won’t give it power over your life. Regardless of how bad, you don’t have to let it ruin the rest of your life. You get to choose, you really do! Life goes on with or without you. If you’re stuck, life will still go on.

If you keep getting into bad relationships or doing bad things believe me; this stems from somewhere and more times than not it goes right back to past issues. It’s all in your ways of thinking. Change your wrong way of thinking and you change your life. It’s only as hard as you make it. I know many think I say it or write it so easily. I understand change is difficult, but that’s because it’s something new. If you want it you work on it until you get past whatever has you in captivity by your state of mind. With that being written, I hope you enjoy the post. If any of you have personal questions you’re more than welcome to email me personally and not comment openly. I will always respond.

Many people in this world are obviously addicted to pain, yet they don’t even realize it. I’m not speaking of physical pain although mental/emotional pain can affect a person physically. I’m speaking of pain resulting from people’s inability to let go. Millions are walking around hurting because they won’t let go of things that are keeping them trapped in negative states of mind. A lot of what people carry around with them completely corrupt their lives. It affects them in every way; and this is the pain I’m referencing. People have become comfortable and content with heartache and pain.

You can believe it or not, but the truth of the matter is many are in this dark place of free will. I can’t change anyone, you can’t change anyone; the person who needs changing must want change for his or herself.

People are familiar with their ways of life. They either outwardly show their suffering or they tried to hide it unknowing that it will eventually show in their actions. I’ve seen it over and over, time and time again. People become comfortable in whom they’ve become. They often complaint and cry about it or they keep it inside; either way they ultimately become dysfunctional individuals.

I wish everyone in this world could understand that no matter the situation or circumstance we can live healthy lives full of peace. Unfortunate things happen to us; some are out of our control, while most are in our control. However, how we accept/perceive those things determines how we will go through the events. If people could only grasp that concept, the lives of many would be better. It’s hard for people to believe this when their lives seem so chaotic to them. This is because, they have failed to properly deal with their situations. If we don’t properly deal with our troubled times, the effect of those troubled times will deal with us. We see the affect it has on lives through people’s actions.

Some people seem to relish in pain, they keep putting themselves in the same situations with the same people or similar people. The sad part is they find themselves right back at square one wondering why and how they got there. It’s simple if you get on a merry go around; you will go around and around until you choose to get off. The same analogy applies to life. You keep doing the same things; you will continue to have the same outcome. It’s the bottom line!

Before a person tries to point a finger to blame someone else, check those three that are pointing back at you! Yes, look at the man in the mirror. People will put you through whatever you allow them to put you through. If you take it, they will dish it out. If you’re gullible they will prey. If you’re eager and/or desperate they will sense it and prey upon your weaknesses. You have control of your own life. If you think you’re weak, have low esteem, or lack confidence; guess what; it will eventually show.

A lot of what people have gone through has traumatized them. I of all people get it, but we as individuals must learn to use every bad situation for our good. There’s good that can always come out of bad. Unfortunate things that happens to us can teach and strengthen us IF we allow. Every bad situation I’ve ever endured  taught me something I didn’t know. It opened my eyes to something new. It alerted me and made me aware. Most of all it made me wiser and stronger. Anyone who chooses can experience life this way!

No matter how bad the situation, how we choose to take it in is how it will affect us. I accept life as it comes, the good with the bad. I’ve learned so much and have grown in leaps and bounds. I’m thankful for everything I’ve gone through. Some things I’ve endured would have been a lot for most to handle, but I’ve always chose to see things differently. I’ve never accepted feeling sad or unhappy no matter the situation. If you allow things in life to get you down, they always will do just that. The difference is when you really learn from the choices you make; you always make better choices.

The world is full of toxic people. People are full of toxicity due to experiences they have allowed to taint them to the core. This is why we see so much hatred in this world. People are taking the lives of other individuals as if life means nothing. They are killing the ones they supposedly love; we’re seeing senseless road rage, and other senseless killing. Why? It’s because these people are full of toxicity. There is still racism in the world when most don’t have a clue as to why they hate; it’s a learned behavior, but people are too clueless to even realize it. Yet, they continue to show hatred for no reason at all just because of the stories that have been told and passed down from generation to generation. There are many other examples I could write, but the moral to the story is these types of people are filled with all types of junk. They have junk from their pasts that has caused them to become toxic people, who live toxic lives. Junk is toxic to us! It affects us mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Junk in is junk out! Period!

People are so addicted to pain. They hold on to it as if there’s a benefit from it. It causes hatred, anger, jealously, envy, strife, malice, etc. It leads to depression, suicide, homicide, pedophilia, sexual immorality, many types of addictions, and the list goes on. What is so sad is that people don’t understand how their whole lives would change IF they would change their old ways of thinking. People don’t want to change, because it takes work. It takes effort, consistency, time, commitment, and most of all the will to want to change. Many find it much easier to continue living as they have lived for so many years. They’re content, but unhappy. However, rather than choose to be become better people living better lives, they choose to continue to inflicted pain on themselves and others while afflicted by all of the pain they’ve grown accustomed to.

The only way people will change is if they want to. We all must learn how to love ourselves and by doing so we will learn how to love others. If you hate anyone, it’s because you’re not happy with yourself and that’s the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Like it or not! We change by first changing our ways of thinking which in return change the way we perceive things, feel about them, and act towards those things (no matter what it is). We change negativity by changing our ways of thinking and if we do this, we learn how to let go of those things that has us in bondage and addicted to misery and pain.

Dumping Ground


I know you’re probably wondering why I titled this post, dumping ground. It’s because this is what millions have become (human dumping grounds). This post can be for males, but my intended targets are females. I know everyone don’t believe in God or His Son Jesus and therefore this post involves things that are the raw truth. By now those of you who read my post know my belief, but I have sense enough to know that the way of the wrong is a different animal and therefore I have to meet people where they are when it comes to writing these posts. The Bible says “a man who doesn’t work doesn’t eat.” This post is for my sisters, because I’m seeing many make far too many wrong/bad decisions in the name of love.

I also want you to know that although I am referencing relationships, this topic can also relate to other areas of a persons life. For instance people allowing themselves to be  dumping grounds to their pasts. They carry loads of stuff around with them that taints every aspect of their lives because they don’t know how to let go. They don’t know how to love self. Life slings dump at us already, it’s part of life, but why continue to be a cesspool created solely by you? No matter what others do to us (life and others throws at us), it’s our own personal choice as to how we allow those things to hinder, tear down, cripple, stagnate, etc us. Stop waddling in the cesspools you’ve created in your lives. It’s time to clean it up!!

Listen ladies, it’s time to face the truth about yourselves and your situations. It’s time to wake up; and see what you’re doing to yourselves and what you’re allowing in your lives. You deserve much better than what you’re getting. Many women are where they are, because of the choices they’ve made.

Our thought, emotions of the heart (feelings, desires, wants), etc are completely non-discriminative when it comes to what people consider as love and certainly lusts of the flesh. What I mean when I say non-discriminative is that it doesn’t matter the color of your skin, your national origin, who you are, what you have, how educated you are, how you look, etc..etc. None of it matters when it comes to people making decisions in the name of what they think is love. Women get discombobulated and messed up when it comes to the men they choose. I purposely left off need, because many women don’t have a clue as to what they need and it shows in the choices they make.

Any woman who accepts a man based on anything other than being in love with him and him being in love with her is a woman whose lacking maturity and good common sense. It has to involve more than simple feelings. Going solely off of feelings will leave you somewhere you never intended on being.  My hope and prayer is that women will stop allowing themselves to be dumping grounds for men. Stop being that woman who lies down with a man who does nothing for you other than dump semen inside of you. Stop being that woman who falls for a man who has absolutely nothing to call his own. If a man has nothing to offer he isn’t good for you? Stop taking care of these grown men!!! Stop busting your tail every day to provide a roof over your head while under that same roof lays a man who has nothing to offer you as help.

Too many of you are caught up in the sex, but that isn’t putting food on the table. If he isn’t making a living by his looks then those looks aren’t putting food on the table. I don’t care how nice he is, he isn’t good for you because niceness isn’t putting food on the table. If he’s taking and not contributing anything he isn’t what you need. Wake up! Stop taking care of these grown men. They want control as men, yet they’re being taken care of by you as if they’re children. Stop allowing them to drain you. Wake up and realize that you’re living in a fantasy world! If a man can’t bring something to the table other than sex and good looks he isn’t worthy of you. You shouldn’t be allowing him to live under your roof without contributing to the household, PERIOD! I don’t believe in shacking up and all of that, but I know people are doing it and it’s why I must tell it like it is. The only way women will change is when they first learn to love who they are, take pride in self, and value themselves.

Stop being a dumping ground for all of the unnecessary drama you willfully accept from someone who doesn’t deserve you or love you the way you should be loved. Stop belittling and fooling yourselves into thinking you deserve anything less than the best in your lives. How can you teach your daughters and sons anything, when you yourself haven’t a clue what’s good for you? You’re controlled by the emotions you feel and it’s very clear by the decisions many of you make.

Too many women see a handsome man and lose their minds. They see a man with a nice body and they lose focus. You see a man who has a nice car and you assume he has it going on. You find out the job he has and you think he’s all of that; when he’s not worth your time. You accept men who are clearly gay; you accept those who are knowingly bi-sexual. You accept sex offenders around your sons and daughters. You accept men knowing they’re married, with another woman, and/or with several other women. You accept men with no jobs and no intention of getting one. You accept them as abusers (verbally, emotionally, mentally, and physically), and the sad part many go on to marry these men. Why put yourselves into situations knowing the outcome? You do all of this because you’re blind by what you’re feeling and therefore truth is distorted.

Women who are comfortable as dumping grounds are broken. Although many of you definitely don’t think so, I am here to tell you that you are broken! On top of that; you don’t love yourselves; if you did you wouldn’t allow what you’ve allowed into your lives. So many of you can’t be alone. You either jump from man to man or get anyone just so you’re not alone. Many of you stay with these men no matter how bad you’re treated.

It’s time to love you. It’s time to deal with the core of you, because in the inner essence of your core lies who you really are. If you’re broken it’s spilling out of you in some way or another. You can fake all you want, the truth will reveal itself. We see it over and over time and time again through the bad decisions you continue to make.

People wonder why those who are rich are unhappy. It’s because although money can buy you a lot of things; one thing it can’t buy you is true happiness. This is why we’ve known of people or perhaps personally know people with millions of dollars who have tried to kill themselves, who have killed themselves, depressed, or who lives recklessly. Money can’t fix brokenness. It can’t fix what’s inside that’s causing dysfunction in the lives of many. You can spend money to seek all the help you want, but it won’t fix anything until the person receiving the help decides enough is enough and they choose to change.

Many women are bringing children into their messed up lives and raising their children who later becomes messed up adults just like their parents. As women; we must stop this. As women we must start making better choices for ourselves and for the children we bear. Look in the mirror and deal with whose staring back at you. If you can’t stand yourself and how you are at this point in your life, why bring a child into the world? Get yourself together first!! It’s time to break the cycles and make a change so you can make a difference in the lives of your children. The children we see are the future and to me it looks pretty darn scary. Some children of today are a mess, but it’s because of their parents. They are what the parents have allowed them to be. If you let them do whatever they want they will do it. I know some children are bad despite of good parents, but I’m talking about these children who are having it their way! It must stop! This happens because of who we are as individual’s it spills over into everything we do (parenting, careers, socializing, etc). If a person doesn’t fix what’s wrong they can’t change it.

It doesn’t relate to every woman, but for those women who can relate, please get it together, not tomorrow, but right now!!

You Think If You Change They Will Love You


Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! People must stop giving all of their power and responsibility for their lives to the ones they love. Why? First of all; some significant others are people who sometimes don’t want to be with who they are with. Second, the person you’re with isn’t necessarily the one meant for you. Third, it’s your life and you have the control to decide who you allow in and out of it. Fourth, everything you want isn’t always good for you; people need to stop trying to hold on to people who don’t want to be held on to. If you give up your power, it’s a bad decision you’ve made and sooner or later you will realize it.

Too many people put the blame on themselves when it’s the other person. Grant it, you do have some fault in it as well, because you’ve freely given your power to someone to determine the outcome of your life. You basically let them decide whether you’re happy or not.

Many people in this world fall in love or in what they assume is love and in doing so want desperately for the other person to love them back and will do anything to receive this love. People who do this are those dealing with insecurities from past pains. These people blame themselves for why their significant others act the way they act. They feel if they can only change this or that about themselves their relationships would be better. It’s not the truth!

If a person doesn’t love you it’s because of a few reasons. They  simply aren’t as into you as you are into them. They still want to sow their “wild oats.” They’re not finished doing what they want to do; they aren’t ready to grow up into mature adults, and commitment is the last thing they want. These types of people  will always shift the blame on you to make you feel guilty. Stop allowing a person to make you feel you’re the problem.

People shouldn’t love who they’re with more than they love his or herself. When people who aren’t truly ready to be in relationships know this they oftentimes take advantage of the ones they supposedly love. They manipulate, take advantage of, and take for granted the ones they supposedly love.

I keep telling people that a person shows you what you mean to them in how they treat you. Someone told me this wasn’t true, because the person they were with provided well for them and was always home. However, after really talking with this individual she told me how they were always in total separate parts of the house, they didn’t communicate, and barely had intimacy between the two of them. To me, that’s NOT a healthy relationship. The blame falls on both individuals, because at the end of the day each is accountable for their own individual lives. Millions stay together for the same reasons they got together; (all of the wrong reasons).

What I am trying to make people understand through this post is stop foolishly thinking that if you change; your significant others will want to be with you or that they will love you the way you love them. It doesn’t work! If a person doesn’t love you or doesn’t truly want to be with you, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. You will do nothing but cause yourself pain by blaming yourself or doing things to try and make them love you. If you accept any type of treatment in the name of love, any type of treatment is exactly what you will receive.



This post is dedicated to anyone who can relate. There are many people in this world who are in mental distress and emotional pain due to many different things, but it all boils down to what’s held inside of us. One thing I’ve learned in life is that people don’t understand the power and control they have to be happy, instead they willfully give that power and control to others and to objects/things.

Millions walk around unhappy and plain miserable with life. Listen, no matter what life throws at you (believe me it will throw some stuff at you), it never has to be as bad as it seems. It may be a bad situation, but how you perceive it determines the how you will go through it/deal with it. We make things far worse than they have to be. People unnecessarily stress themselves out over things. This causes emotional, mental, and physical problems.

One of the main problem with people is they haven’t dealt with self. This is the biggest factor! If a person doesn’t deal with whom they really are (the true core), then they can’t appropriately or effectively deal with other people. People will  carry the same heavy baggage every single place they go. It will affect every aspect of an individual’s life and it’s seen through the decisions and choices people make.

As children; we grow into adults who are dealing with the same childhood issues if we don’t break the cycle; then we go on to become parents bringing other children in this world who we raise like we were raised and the cycle starts all over again.

Another major problem with humanity is, people are bringing children into messed up situations. People are having children that shouldn’t have them. They have them but aren’t ready, can’t afford to take care of them, or they simply don’t provide the nurturing and love a child needs. I’m sorry, but it’s the truth, some people simply aren’t fit to be parents, but they have children. They’re messed up and then they raise their children who end up like them. Why? It’s because it’s all they know. Guess what? The cycle continues on, because their children eventually will have children and more than likely will do the same exact thing. Breaking the cycle is a choice, but people can’t understand this if they don’t realize what they’re doing to themselves. You must first realize it’s a cycle and then work on breaking it.

Another problem in this world is because of how messed up people are due to their inner issues they try to hide; they are seeking love in all of the wrong places and ways. Oftentimes they end up marrying people they don’t really mesh with and probably shouldn’t be with, (through lust of the flesh, peer and family pressure, because of children, money, what someone has, who someone is, how someone looks, wanting someone to love period, etc). They don’t have a clue what love is or what real loves feels like, therefore they are motivated by the emotions they feel about someone. They can’t see the truth; they only go off of what they feel and because of it they end up abused, misused, unhappy, miserable, lonely, etc and sometimes dead. This all comes from emotions of that inner man, this is what lead and guide them through life.

People must be willing to acknowledge the fact that they need a change in their lives. If a person does not do that, they will continue to live their lives as is. They will never progress. These people are stagnant; not moving at all and it shows in the lives they lead. Too many have grown completely content with the way their lives are and they do not try to improve anything. They keep doing the same things and making the same bad decisions. This WILL NOT change if they don’t do something about it. How a person really thinks about his or herself shows in the way they live their lives. Many portray themselves as one thing when they’re another. They’re hiding secrets, trying to live beyond their means (trying to keep up with the Jones’s when you don’t know how the Jones’s got what they have and the fact that sometimes the Jones’s you’re trying to keep up with is trying to keep up with someone else, because they’re just like you), pretending to be happy when they’re completely unhappy and the list goes on and on. People think they can hide the truth, but it always shows in some form or another through the decisions/choices that are made.

In life when individuals don’t deal with their inner issues they turn to other people, they latch on to others not only in love relationships but to other people trying to form friendships. They’re quick to befriend people and call them their friend when they barely know them. They are followers and they’re easily manipulated and persuaded.

Everything about us derives from the inner man in all of us, which is who we really are. This is why we see so much foolishness in the lives of people. You see them making the most unimaginable choices and decisions. Many embed themselves amongst people in thinking they can hide, but they can’t. Everyone can run, but no one can hide. You can run to the highest mountain, but guess what? You’re still stuck with you. The only thing that will make a difference is dealing with that inner man. In doing so you learn about you and what you need, want, and desire. No matter what; you’re you and you have to embrace the good, bad, and the ugly; then deal with it all.

You will learn about yourself and in doing this it teaches you how to allow others to treat you. You learn that no matter what; you CAN break the cycle in which you were born and/or have become accustomed too. You can break the chain and start something different for yourself, but you must want to do it. Looking at the man in the mirror is where it all begins for us all. I understand it may have started with your parents and overall environment, but as individuals we all must take responsibility of our own lives. We have to decide for ourselves do we stay what we’ve become or do we become better by doing better.

Many people will not progress in life because they’re too busy giving power to their pasts. They’re holding on to hatred and grudges. They aren’t willing to forgive the other people/person; not understanding that forgiveness isn’t for the other person it’s for self. When we forgive we can get on with life instead of being held prisoner by all of the hate, bad memories, etc.

I pray you make the choice today to change. If you will take an honest look at your life and see that you’re still on the same cycle of life and haven’t make any movement (just going around in a circle, existing but not living), it’s time to break the cycle. The only person who can make a change in you is you. The decision is yours to make. I pray you make it. I believe wholeheartedly that the world would be a much better, loving, and safe place to live if people would deal with the inner man and drop all of the baggage that’s causing stagnation and disruption in their lives; which has kept many filled with anger, hatred, malice, strife, eny, jealousy, lust, selfishness, manipulation, the inability to love or show affection, depression, abusive, co dependency, emotional-mentally-physically-and spiritually drained, suicidal, homicidal, addicted to things not good for them (drugs, alcohol, food, sex, etc) and a host of other things.

Today is a new day, it’s a day to break the cycle. I pray that you do.



If you read my posts, you know that I am always trying to provide words of encouragement, clarity, information, enlightenment, or simply to empower someone to think about their life and/or situation and consider change. None of us can move forward if we keep looking behind or if we continue to willfully choose to remain stuck. Too many people make bad choices but they expect good outcomes. Life doesn’t work that way.

No matter how much individuals read or hear they will continue to make bad choices/decisions in the name of love. People won’t accept the truth until they’re forced too. They’re forced to when their situations have gotten too bad for them to deal with and they finally see the truth and are willing to accept it. No one should have to be beat down (physically or emotionally). When you are it’s all a personal choice. Yes, you read it correctly; you’ve made a personal choice to be where you are.

Everything is about choices. Sometimes in life we’re put in situations beyond our control, but it’s still a personal choice as to how we deal with any situation. It’s also a personal choice to stay where we are. The sad truth is many people haven’t yet matured and don’t really have a clue who they are or what they need in their lives. Yet, they’re constantly making bad decisions concerning love when they don’t know what it is or know who they are as individuals. Most are still dealing with past issues that have them mentally imprisoned. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you have if you haven’t dealt with your inner issues it ALWAYS shows in the decisions you make. We’ve see it in people of all statuses and positions (rich and poor).

So many in this world accept anything and give all of themselves in the name of love; even when it’s clear the love is one-sided. If you’re with someone who claims to love you, how they really feel will always show in their treatment towards you. I don’t know how many times I have to say it or how many times I have to write it, but I will continue to do so. When an individual ignore this, it means this is an individual who has insecurities they truly need to deal with. If a person doesn’t deal with those insecurities those things will affect their every decision in life.

Thoughts, feelings, actions is what controls us. Who we really are lies dormant until we’ve learned this is true about all of us and make decisions to change. We have to mature in all of our ways. We have to accept who we are and where we are in life. If it’s not a good place, we have to make conscious decisions to do something about it. The real problem is people don’t want to face who they really are; instead they continue to  hide, fake, and pretend in hopes no one finds out the truth. You cannot fix something about yourself if you don’t first face it. That’s the bottom line.

Instead of first working on the inner man, people seek out things in other people when they’re still screwed up inside. This is why millions are so unhappy in their relationships. Many simply settle just so they can say they have someone. The saying is a bold lie “someone is better than no one at all.” If you don’t deal with who you are so that someday you can present to the world the real you how do you think you can affectively develop a healthy relationship with someone else? You will only drag all of the same issues along with you from relationship to relationship. You will continue to accept anything and many of you will not find peace and happiness no matter who you’re with.

People are stuck and stagnant for many reasons and EVERY last one is an excuse to stay there AND a personal choice to stay there. All of the mess inside spills out and shows in the bad decisions people make. It shows in how people allow others to treat them, what they accept/allow, and how they treat themselves. Your lives will stay the same if you keep doing the same things. You may move from situation to situation or relationship to relationship, but you will always deal with the same issues if there’s no permanent change. The fixing starts with the individual; not anything or anyone else.