Enduring Your Pain Doesn’t Mean Enduring Your Foolishness

Standard

I wanted to write about this because a lot of people are getting it wrong. I know it’s biblical to carry the burdens of others to fulfill the law of Christ. However, I believe it means that we are to show sympathy and have empathy  when others are going through. I believe it means to be there for one another in the time of need. I also believe it means to help our fellowman (man, woman, child, etc). We are to be servants of others.

I do not believe in doing all of the above it means to deal with another person’s foolishness. If I don’t have drama in my life, why would I want to be burdened with someone else’s? Don’t get me wrong, we should help other people when they’re going through, but helping them and dealing with their unnecessary foolishness is a whole other story.

Too many of us constantly and without fail go through things with other people and take ownership of those things as if they’re our own. No! Stop allowing people to put their problems on you. Stop allowing them to make you feel guilty if you say no.

There are many people in this world that repetitively makes bad choices. They have been shown a better way, they know a better way, but they choose to constantly do it the same ole way even though they are getting the same ole results in the process. These are the people this post is referencing. They live a life of comfort, contentment, and chaos, and they often feel other people should be a party to their foolishness.  Life can be difficult enough to live on our own; therefore people must stop allowing the bad decisions and choices of others to wreak havoc in their lives.

Know the difference between enduring and or bearing someone else’s pain versus their foolishness. By knowing the difference it can relieve a lot of unnecessary stress in the lives of many. There are people who think you are supposed to deal with their foolishness and some of you have been. It enables people when you continuously cater to them and their foolishness. It doesn’t teach them how to take responsibility for the choices they make. It shows them that you have their back, but it doesn’t help to implement change; it’s enabling them to continue whatever they are doing.

Some people think because its friends and or family they’re obligated. This is not true. You’re not obligated to always put yourself in the middle of someone else’s foolishness.  I can understand the fact that we all have made bad decisions/choices. However, for individuals who willfully choose to not learn from the consequences of their decisions or actions and continue to make the same or similar bad choices; no one else should feel obligated to constantly deal with the foolishness.

This is my own personal opinion, but I strongly believe I am right. People can and will do as they please, but I think it’s important to begin looking at the man in the mirror when a person keep on going through unnecessary stress because they’re constantly dealing with the foolishness of other individuals (who keep making bad decision). No matter what you do; you can never ever change another person.  Change must be wanted, accepted, and embraced by the individual who needs it. By all means be there for people who need you, people who are sincerely going through, but in the midst of it all stop putting up with the foolishness of those who are constantly involved in mess. You don’t have too!

Advertisements

No Foundation Leads to Destruction

Standard

Something I’ve learned in life is that most relationships will end according to how they started out. If it didn’t start right, no matter the situation, it’s likely to end by the same reasons it started. Too many people are trying to build or hold on to relationships that don’t have or never had foundations. A house without a foundation can’t stand and that’s the truth. This is why so many people are fussing, fighting, miserably unhappy, and are in loveless relationships, because they don’t have solid foundations. It’s like having a car with no motor it can never go anywhere; it’s dead.

The biggest problem in most relationships is the fact that people get together and or marry for the wrong reasons. People don’t know what it takes to make relationships work. They are led by either their loins or their hearts in which neither will keep a relationship together, because too many emotions are at the center and not enough brains in the equation.

I will give you a few examples:

  1. A person gets with someone because of their looks or because of the sex. Then later can’t stand to look at them because their looks have changed and they certainly don’t want sex with them. They realize the love was never there.
  2.   A man marries a woman because she is pregnant. He later realizes he never loved this person only felt obligated, because he thought it was the right thing to do.  You try to work it out for the child’s sake, but when there’s no love, it’s a sad and miserable relationship to be in. People think staying together for the children is best, but what they fail to understand is all of the chaos the children sees during this taints them. It teaches them distorted views concerning love and they will take those views into adulthood with them and the cycle starts all over again. Many stay together for the children and when the children leave home they are left together looking at the walls realizing they have absolutely nothing in common and they don’t love each another.
  3. You get with someone because of what they have. You realize later down the road what they have is just stuff and it doesn’t even matter. However, you also realize what you never had was a real connection; there was never love in the relationship.
  4. Some love being involved with another woman’s man or another man’s woman. Many end up in these types of escapades only to find out while he or she were cheating with another man’s or woman’s significant other, the person they are cheating with has someone else outside of them and his wife or her husband. Sad case!  People in these types of relationships find out the person they’re messing with aren’t as available anymore.  They find out the person they’re messing with can’t offer them anything other than sex.  They also find out the husbands and wives are forces to reckon with. All of this foolishness could have been avoided from the start by not getting into relationships with people who are already in relationships with other individuals. What kind of relationship do you think you can build with someone who’s already obligated and involved with someone else? It is ridiculous and it says a lot about both parties.

I can go on for days and I’m sure you can think of many more examples as well. Many are in loveless relationships because they were doomed from the start. People don’t have a clue as to what it takes to make a relationship work or how to build a healthy one. First of all too many get into relationships while being in love is left out all together. Another big mistake is people aren’t discussing the important things they should know about one another prior to getting deeper into relationships or marriage.

Believe me; knowing someone’s background is important. It’s important to know if they have children, if they want children, their relationship with their children and the other parent. You need to know if you’re signing up for complete drama. Some of the people who have children with your significant others are hard to deal with and they are hell bent on causing you havoc.

Knowing if they have criminal records, bad credit, faith/beliefs (do they believe or not etc.), their goals and ambition, their sexual preferences (into stuff you’re not, gay, problems being able to function, do they have the desire, like to swing, problems with being faithful, etc), their ability to communicate, how they feel about receiving and giving affection (some people simply aren’t affectionate, because they weren’t nurtured as children; you need to know if you can live with it or not), know the baggage you’re signing up for. You need to know their financial statuses (will you have to carry the load, will you inherit debt, are or they high maintenance etc). You need to know their relationships with others (parents, etc or they momma boys or daddy girls). Another important issue is do they have any additions you can’t deal with (sex, alcohol, drugs, food, fetishes, etc). What type of health are they in and if it’s not good will you be able to deal with it long term.  You should know if they’re truly ready to commit or are you in it alone. Do they like to party and you don’t, is it all about their friends or are their friends first.  It’s important to learn their likes, dislikes, and habits.  etc. and the list goes on and on. You learn all of this by communicating. Communication is key and without it a good foundation is impossible. This is what of the major factors in developing a good solid foundation, unfortunately many miss the mark.

Some of you may take it lightly or think it’s not important, believe me it is very important and you will find out the longer you stay in a relationship just how important. You will also find out if it’s not done, it’s reasons people break up. Many didn’t love each other from the beginning, they didn’t know many things they should have known, and they didn’t know how to communicate. People either don’t ask or they are too caught up to address it from the start.  They communicated through sex and other ways versus observation and verbal communication.

The bottom line of what I’m trying to get across to you is you must know how to communicate with your significant other. There is nothing you shouldn’t be able to talk about. All of the above and many other things are very important to know before you jump off into the deep end. If not you are bound to drown.

I know from personal experience you have to focus on the overall picture and not what you see with your heart. That may not make sense right away, but just think about it. I’ve written many posts about emotions. People of this world are caught up in their feelings and they want what they want while totally disregarding the truth. People miss everything, because they are driven by what they’re feeling and not what is actually taking place UNTIL it’s too late.

Going Back Isn’t Necessarily the Best Decision

Standard

I’m sure many of you have found this to be true. It works for some people but not for most. Too many go back into relationships they fought their way out of only to find things haven’t changed. They find themselves right back in states of misery.

Many people go back into relationships because they feel too insecure to be alone. They think they’re going back because they love the person, but in reality it’s due to insecurities. There are many people who would rather stay in unhealthy and loveless relationships then to be alone. This is sad!

Unfortunately sometimes when people go back things become far more intensified than before. Sadly many have even lost their lives after going back. They had all of the signs prior to leaving yet they go back. Then you have those who didn’t lose their lives, but they’ve become emotionally dead from all of the pain and misery they’re enduring. They find themselves feeling unhappy and even worse off than before. They realize what they left is the same things they’ve gone back to.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t try to make their relationships work. However, what I am saying is this; people need to do whatever they need to do while they’re together. They should do all they can without any regrets; therefore when they walk away they know they’ve done all they could do. We can’t change no one but the man in the mirror, but we certainly can lose ourselves in trying. For those who decide to go back, I’m sure many are regretful. If it didn’t work the first time, more than likely it won’t the next time around. Like I said earlier, sometimes it works, but most times it don’t.

I believe people should stop basing their happiness on other people when they’re not happy with their own lives. If  you’re broken inside no matter how you try to hide it, what’s going on inside will show in some form or another. How a person feels about his or herself shows in the choices of people they choose to be with. If you don’t believe me sit back and think about the situation you’re in or the situations of people you know. How you allow people to treat you says something about how you feel about yourself. The chaos you allow in your life says something about how you feel about yourself.

A person can not truly embrace happiness when it comes along when in fact they’re not happy with self. They aren’t capable of understanding what true happiness is, because they’ve become accustomed to a life of misery. This is why we see people getting into relationships with the same types of people they recently got out of relationships with. It’s also why so many accept and will do anything in the name of what they think is love.

Caught Up

Standard

Before I get into this post let me say this; I know there are plenty good men out there with women who aren’t worth their time. Someone may not like the truth, but it is what it is. These men are with women who are slothful and don’t want to do anything but receive a handout. I don’t believe no good man who has worked hard for what he has should allow his feelings to get him caught up with a woman who doesn’t want anything for herself. I believe a woman needs to be self sufficient , but as a wife the man is the head of the household. That means a provider and a protector; not a controller.

I don’t believe a woman should wait on a man hand and feet unless he’s her little man (young son). Cooking and cleaning isn’t just for women, it’s also for men who like to eat and who enjoy clean environments. Too many get it twisted and out of context. Many women feel “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” However, not all women cook, can cook, or want to cook. It has to go both ways. In a relationship both take care of one another. A woman isn’t there to be a slave. Submission doesn’t mean bowing down or being a slave. It means allowing her man to be the man of the house. However, he must be a man who knows how to lead in his home. A lot of men don’t seem to know how to run their households these days. If a man knows how to be the head of the household, a good woman will allow him to lead. This is an issue people need to address at the beginning of their relationships. Too many get into relationships without solid foundations.

What I’m referencing in my title is these women who got zeros that they’re treating like heroes. Listen ladies, I don’t care what; if a man has nothing to call his own he’s the wrong man for you. As a woman if you fell in what you think is love with someone who is depending on you to survive then you have allowed your feelings to get you in a messed up situation, but you’re too blind by your emotions to see the truth.

If a man isn’t getting up off of his butt to go to a j-o-b then he’s not worthy of treatment as a King, because he’s a pauper. He’s indigent and has nothing of his own. Too many of you have been bamboozled into believing he’s good for you. He know he’s not good for you and he knows “where his bread is buttered.” He’s sticking his legs under your table everyday while bringing nothing to the table. If he’s your husband and has gotten sick and can not work, that’s different; other than that, women need to stop waiting hand and feet on lazy men. These men are spoiled and some of you treat them better than you treat your  children.

Please open your eyes to the truth. Many of you have children and these children see what you’re allowing in your lives. This is one reason so many children are emotionally crippled it’s because they see so much nonsense in their homes. Ladies you can’t teach your sons to be men when the men that are around aren’t good role models. You teach your daughters to accept men who aren’t good for them. Wake up!!

Get mad if you want to, but the truth is the truth. Stop taking care of grown men who aren’t doing anything other than take from you. He’s not worthy of the treatment you are giving him and there’s no way he truly loves you. You continuously show him how much you love him; yet he’s showing you that he doesn’t love you. Sadly you’re too caught up to see the truth. He has issues and so do you! The “blind leading the blind.”