Something I’ve learned in life is that most relationships will end according to how they started out. If it didn’t start right, no matter the situation, it’s likely to end by the same reasons it started. Too many people are trying to build or hold on to relationships that don’t have or never had foundations. A house without a foundation can’t stand and that’s the truth. This is why so many people are fussing, fighting, miserably unhappy, and are in loveless relationships, because they don’t have solid foundations. It’s like having a car with no motor it can never go anywhere; it’s dead.
The biggest problem in most relationships is the fact that people get together and or marry for the wrong reasons. People don’t know what it takes to make relationships work. They are led by either their loins or their hearts in which neither will keep a relationship together, because too many emotions are at the center and not enough brains in the equation.
I will give you a few examples:
- A person gets with someone because of their looks or because of the sex. Then later can’t stand to look at them because their looks have changed and they certainly don’t want sex with them. They realize the love was never there.
- A man marries a woman because she is pregnant. He later realizes he never loved this person only felt obligated, because he thought it was the right thing to do. You try to work it out for the child’s sake, but when there’s no love, it’s a sad and miserable relationship to be in. People think staying together for the children is best, but what they fail to understand is all of the chaos the children sees during this taints them. It teaches them distorted views concerning love and they will take those views into adulthood with them and the cycle starts all over again. Many stay together for the children and when the children leave home they are left together looking at the walls realizing they have absolutely nothing in common and they don’t love each another.
- You get with someone because of what they have. You realize later down the road what they have is just stuff and it doesn’t even matter. However, you also realize what you never had was a real connection; there was never love in the relationship.
- Some love being involved with another woman’s man or another man’s woman. Many end up in these types of escapades only to find out while he or she were cheating with another man’s or woman’s significant other, the person they are cheating with has someone else outside of them and his wife or her husband. Sad case! People in these types of relationships find out the person they’re messing with aren’t as available anymore. They find out the person they’re messing with can’t offer them anything other than sex. They also find out the husbands and wives are forces to reckon with. All of this foolishness could have been avoided from the start by not getting into relationships with people who are already in relationships with other individuals. What kind of relationship do you think you can build with someone who’s already obligated and involved with someone else? It is ridiculous and it says a lot about both parties.
I can go on for days and I’m sure you can think of many more examples as well. Many are in loveless relationships because they were doomed from the start. People don’t have a clue as to what it takes to make a relationship work or how to build a healthy one. First of all too many get into relationships while being in love is left out all together. Another big mistake is people aren’t discussing the important things they should know about one another prior to getting deeper into relationships or marriage.
Believe me; knowing someone’s background is important. It’s important to know if they have children, if they want children, their relationship with their children and the other parent. You need to know if you’re signing up for complete drama. Some of the people who have children with your significant others are hard to deal with and they are hell bent on causing you havoc.
Knowing if they have criminal records, bad credit, faith/beliefs (do they believe or not etc.), their goals and ambition, their sexual preferences (into stuff you’re not, gay, problems being able to function, do they have the desire, like to swing, problems with being faithful, etc), their ability to communicate, how they feel about receiving and giving affection (some people simply aren’t affectionate, because they weren’t nurtured as children; you need to know if you can live with it or not), know the baggage you’re signing up for. You need to know their financial statuses (will you have to carry the load, will you inherit debt, are or they high maintenance etc). You need to know their relationships with others (parents, etc or they momma boys or daddy girls). Another important issue is do they have any additions you can’t deal with (sex, alcohol, drugs, food, fetishes, etc). What type of health are they in and if it’s not good will you be able to deal with it long term. You should know if they’re truly ready to commit or are you in it alone. Do they like to party and you don’t, is it all about their friends or are their friends first. It’s important to learn their likes, dislikes, and habits. etc. and the list goes on and on. You learn all of this by communicating. Communication is key and without it a good foundation is impossible. This is what of the major factors in developing a good solid foundation, unfortunately many miss the mark.
Some of you may take it lightly or think it’s not important, believe me it is very important and you will find out the longer you stay in a relationship just how important. You will also find out if it’s not done, it’s reasons people break up. Many didn’t love each other from the beginning, they didn’t know many things they should have known, and they didn’t know how to communicate. People either don’t ask or they are too caught up to address it from the start. They communicated through sex and other ways versus observation and verbal communication.
The bottom line of what I’m trying to get across to you is you must know how to communicate with your significant other. There is nothing you shouldn’t be able to talk about. All of the above and many other things are very important to know before you jump off into the deep end. If not you are bound to drown.
I know from personal experience you have to focus on the overall picture and not what you see with your heart. That may not make sense right away, but just think about it. I’ve written many posts about emotions. People of this world are caught up in their feelings and they want what they want while totally disregarding the truth. People miss everything, because they are driven by what they’re feeling and not what is actually taking place UNTIL it’s too late.