Only A Changed Heart Can Conquer Hate

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I know and understand love conquers hate, but before a person can love; their heart must first be changed. Look around at the world we live in today, there is so much hatred. People seemingly hate for no reason, but there is always underlying reasons as to why. Hatred is a learned behavior. It’s learned through parenting, family, friends, other people, environments, and surroundings; and it starts early in a person’s life.

Some people are so bitter; you can see it in the way they speak and act. They are mean, cruel, and unhappy people. I’ve dealt many people who are in their places of business but they are mean and have no customer etiquette. They are plain rude. This anger comes from the inside; the true essence of who we are. It comes from years of learned behavior. People get used to acting a certain way; they don’t even realize how they’re acting. That doesn’t make it right!!

Nowadays killing another human being means nothing to some people. These types of people have deep rooted issues they’ve not faced. They’ve carried these issues around for years and it has made them into very sad and angry people. They hate themselves and they’re mad at the world. Through the media we’ve seen many have committed murder. People have taken the lives of many they don’t even know out of anger and rage build up over the years.

No person on the face of this earth is exempt from troubles in life. We will go in and out of our valleys, up and down our hills and mountains, but life goes on. How we deal with those ups and downs is indicative of how we will weather those storms. Problem is many don’t even try; they go through those periods of life complaining, but never trying to change to become better people. They continue to do the same things. They hold in anger not realizing it’s affecting the very essence of who they are. Anger turns into hate and hate into violence in some form or another IF it’s not dealt with.

Over the years anger has built up in these angry people and as mentioned earlier, this anger has turned into hate. It sabotaged their lives and it affects them mentally, physically, and spiritually. It makes some people into the walking dead. They are alive, but they are dead inside. They have no peace, joy, or happiness. A lot of these people project this hatred onto others and oftentimes the outcome is deadly. Things never have to get this way if people would stop downplaying what’s ailing them. If they would face things and deal with them, and stop holding it all inside. Bottom line is nothing but a changed heart will conquer their hate.

No one can receive love if their heart isn’t changed to embrace it. Unfortunately many were never shown or taught what love is, but this doesn’t mean a person can’t learn if they choose to. I am praying for peace of minds all over the world. Showing love is something people seem to have a hard time doing these days. It seems that families are against one another and people hate folks they don’t even know. It’s all very sad and disturbing. So please join me in praying for peace across our world.

Do You Even Know What You Need

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Something I think is so ridiculous is statuses I see on social media of “it’s complicated” when people are referring to their relationships. This is where people should get the “big picture” but unfortunately many don’t, many haven’t, and many won’t. If you’re in a relationship and you’re not married, but you’re having all sorts of problems; before you jump off into the deep end IF “it’s complicated” you should re-think what you’re involved in.

Far too many people get deeper involved in relationships that are already complicated. People; if it’s complicated at the beginning it’s bound to be complicated throughout. One of the biggest problems in relationships is the fact individuals think they can change who they are with. You can’t! I don’t care how much you love them, you can’t change them. People sacrifice so much in hopes of the ones they’re with will change. Stop believing you have it locked down so tight with the person you’re with that he or she will change for you. How you accepted them is how they will be unless they choose to change.

When individuals get into relationships and put all they can into loving the person they’re with and trying to get them to love them back this is a problem from the start. Why? It’s a problem, because if you have to drain yourself in order to show someone you love them and bend over backwards trying to make them love you, this isn’t love at all. You’re an individual who clearly have issues. Stop trying to force yourself into the lives of other people. If a person loves you then they will show it naturally without you having to do things you wouldn’t normally do to receive their love.

Sometimes people sell their souls trying to make someone love them. They try buying the person’s love, some go as far as trying to cast spells etc,  some perform sexual acts they normally wouldn’t partake in,  they agree to do things they don’t feel comfortable with, and some do other ridiculous things they wouldn’t normally do trying to impress and please the person they want to be with. This isn’t love, but it sure is a complicated mess!

People get into relationships knowing it’s a bunch of mess and drama, but they try their best to make it work. If you have to work at it in this way, then maybe it’s not for you. Everything that feels good and looks good sure isn’t good for you.

Other than God and His Son Jesus (I will always say that, because that’s where my faith lies, I’m not trying to push it on you, but I’m telling you where I stand); you should love you before any other human. As humans most are so eager for love until they lose focus of what they need. They’re too caught up in want they want. This is why so many relationships aren’t healthy ones. Once people learn it’s better to have what you need rather than to have what you want when it comes to relationships; their lives will be better. You can build strong foundations and healthy relationships by having what you need. Building a relationship on what you want only leads to things being complicated and therefore unhealthy relationships. In those types of relationships people are left hurt, lost, confused, regretful, sad, lonely, and brokenhearted all because they went after and got just what they thought they wanted.

After going through unnecessary struggles and dramas some people finally figure out what they wanted wasn’t good for them. Unfortunately many others never got to get to this point because they lost their lives in the midst of their complicated relationships Why? It’s because people miss the truth, because they’re blind by their feelings and emotions. They go goo goo over things they want; which are those things that aren’t what they need to build good strong healthy relationships. The material things a person has to offer, their looks, sex, their status, etc. etc will never be what it takes to build a healthy and strong relationship. A solid relationship takes the ability to communicate effectively (to figure out if you’re evenly yoked), knowing who you are with (their likes, dislikes, etc), and real love to keep it together. If you have to force it, stress, fight, etc, it’s not love; you’re going off of what you want and certainly not what you need.

Your Life, Your Choice

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I was approached by someone who is in a bad relationship. This person asked my opinion on her situation. I thought the topic would make a good post this week. A lot of people stay in unhealthy and unhappy relationships for feelings of being trapped. That’s all it is, a feeling! You’re not trapped unless you’re held captive against your will, otherwise you are not trapped; you just don’t have the will to move on (for whatever reason/s). Leaving is always a choice many choose not to take.

You all know I’ve talked about this topic many times. As I’ve always said how a relationship starts out is oftentimes indicative of how it will end. It’s no surprise! However, people miss the signs due to their feelings and filling their needs for self-gratification (they want what they want when they want it.) This way of thinking often leave people feeling stuck in situations that aren’t good for them. They end up feeling trapped, obligated, afraid, insecure, etc and these are reasons they stay in unhealthy and loveless relationships.

Any person alive can prevent his or herself from being a part of a bad/unhealthy relationship by acknowledging the signs for what they are. Allowing what you feel for the person obscures the truth. Your longings for them sexually obscures the truth and is NOT the right way to a healthy relationship. You will never see the big picture if you’re blind or oblivious to the truth.

Case after case, scenario after scenario; people have repeatedly gotten into bad situations, because they allow their feelings and emotions blind them to the truth. They can’t “see past the end of their noses.” I firmly believe when a person is this caught up in another person they’re setting themselves up for heartache and pain, because they won’t acknowledge the truth until it’s too late (too deep in it, married, or dead).

Examples:

  1. When you’re all in it by yourself there’s a problem, but people can’t see it because for you it’s all about how you’re feeling about the person. The fact that they’re treated like crap doesn’t register. The fact that they’re with someone who has nothing to offer but added misery doesn’t register. I can go on and on. It doesn’t register because people are led by their emotions and feelings.
  2. When what you do is one-sided, this is a problem. If every time you look around your dishing out material things, initiating the intimacy, leading the conversations, attending to his or her needs, but it’s never reciprocated it is bound to be a huge problem later.
  3. When there’s no communication outside of sex or arguing; this is a problem and it will cause big problems in the relationship down the road. This is no way to build a healthy foundation.
  4. When someone is controlling where you go, who you’re around, what you wear, etc; this isn’t love, it’s a setup for a major problem and a huge sign of things to come; many of these types of people who are doing this are abusive in some form. To avoid being in relationships you’re afraid to leave for any reason; the solution is to get out before you get any more involved. This has to be done early in the relationship and the only way a person can or will do this is if they’re acknowledging the truth. I’ve heard so many women say they thought it was cute by their men not wanting them to wear certain clothes, wanting to know where they are and who they were with, etc. It’s NOT cute; it’s a clear sign that this is a problem. Stop allowing your hearts to lead you in dangerous waters.
  5. If the relationship or marriage is forced in any way (pregnancy, pressure from the significant other, family & friends, etc), this will most definitely pose as a major problem down the road. There will undoubtedly be regret and anger down the road because love was never there. The relationship evolved out of sense of obligation or responsibility.
  6. When his or her friends and family are more important then you, this will definitely cause hardship down the road. This is accepted by many until they realize this is the way it is and they can’t change it. Now it’s a problem, but it’s a problem you should have dealt with it beforehand. People don’t, because they are too caught up in their feelings and most think they can change the minds of those they’re involved with. More than likely they can’t! In the beginning mess was accepted and in the end they get what they accepted in the beginning (mess)!
  7. If you find yourself with someone who’s abusive in any kind of way it will be a big problem down the road. No type of abuse should be brushed off. A lot of people have died in abusive relationships because they were completely led by their feelings and emotions for the other person until their eyes open; then they felt trapped or were too afraid to leave. It shouldn’t have ever gotten to this point! Abusers are very manipulative; they know what to say and do to get you hooked. However, people can avoid being bamboozled by looking beyond their emotions/feelings. These types of individuals (abusers) can be very nice, but the core of who they are always shows in some way. People get confused because these individuals go back and forth between good and bad behaviors. Duh, duh, duh!! That is a sign in itself.

I can go on for days on this topic. People get deeper into relationships that are tagged red from the beginning. People begin to feel trapped because of their lack of esteem and confidence in self. They feel they can’t make it alone so they stay. A lot of people who feel this way don’t realize they’re already making it alone, because although with someone they are lonely people. This isn’t love nor is it a healthy relationship.

If you’re in a relationship and you’re afraid of whom you’re with or you’re afraid to leave, this is a serious problem that shouldn’t have been allowed to get to this point. You didn’t wake up and find your relationship this way; it has been this way for a long time. Unfortunately you were blind by emotions and feelings.

I don’t know what else to say or how many times I must keep saying it, but it’s all about choice. Your life is yours and you have the choice to choose whether or not you will continue in your relationships. You have the choice to accept what’s dished out or not. You can’t make the best decision if you’re led by a heart filled with emotions of the other person, because he or she is all you will think about and out of it comes all of the thoughts, feelings, etc. Going off of those feelings and emotions will definitely cause a person to make the wrong choices.

I believe it’s simple to avoid bad relationships and situations by accepting the signs before us. I don’t care how good it makes you feel, this doesn’t mean it’s good for you. This is why people need to learn how to look past those feelings and embrace what’s truly good for them. Doing the opposite says a lot about you as an individual. It says what you believe about yourself and it shows their are insecurities and inner issues. Over the years when it comes to relationships I’ve seen the same bad decisions and choices made by thousands. Despite it all people will continue to be led by their feelings and emotions into bad relationships. At the end of the day, for many it’s all about satisfying the flesh. Sad, but true.