Your Life, Your Choice


I was approached by someone who is in a bad relationship. This person asked my opinion on her situation. I thought the topic would make a good post this week. A lot of people stay in unhealthy and unhappy relationships for feelings of being trapped. That’s all it is, a feeling! You’re not trapped unless you’re held captive against your will, otherwise you are not trapped; you just don’t have the will to move on (for whatever reason/s). Leaving is always a choice many choose not to take.

You all know I’ve talked about this topic many times. As I’ve always said how a relationship starts out is oftentimes indicative of how it will end. It’s no surprise! However, people miss the signs due to their feelings and filling their needs for self-gratification (they want what they want when they want it.) This way of thinking often leave people feeling stuck in situations that aren’t good for them. They end up feeling trapped, obligated, afraid, insecure, etc and these are reasons they stay in unhealthy and loveless relationships.

Any person alive can prevent his or herself from being a part of a bad/unhealthy relationship by acknowledging the signs for what they are. Allowing what you feel for the person obscures the truth. Your longings for them sexually obscures the truth and is NOT the right way to a healthy relationship. You will never see the big picture if you’re blind or oblivious to the truth.

Case after case, scenario after scenario; people have repeatedly gotten into bad situations, because they allow their feelings and emotions blind them to the truth. They can’t “see past the end of their noses.” I firmly believe when a person is this caught up in another person they’re setting themselves up for heartache and pain, because they won’t acknowledge the truth until it’s too late (too deep in it, married, or dead).


  1. When you’re all in it by yourself there’s a problem, but people can’t see it because for you it’s all about how you’re feeling about the person. The fact that they’re treated like crap doesn’t register. The fact that they’re with someone who has nothing to offer but added misery doesn’t register. I can go on and on. It doesn’t register because people are led by their emotions and feelings.
  2. When what you do is one-sided, this is a problem. If every time you look around your dishing out material things, initiating the intimacy, leading the conversations, attending to his or her needs, but it’s never reciprocated it is bound to be a huge problem later.
  3. When there’s no communication outside of sex or arguing; this is a problem and it will cause big problems in the relationship down the road. This is no way to build a healthy foundation.
  4. When someone is controlling where you go, who you’re around, what you wear, etc; this isn’t love, it’s a setup for a major problem and a huge sign of things to come; many of these types of people who are doing this are abusive in some form. To avoid being in relationships you’re afraid to leave for any reason; the solution is to get out before you get any more involved. This has to be done early in the relationship and the only way a person can or will do this is if they’re acknowledging the truth. I’ve heard so many women say they thought it was cute by their men not wanting them to wear certain clothes, wanting to know where they are and who they were with, etc. It’s NOT cute; it’s a clear sign that this is a problem. Stop allowing your hearts to lead you in dangerous waters.
  5. If the relationship or marriage is forced in any way (pregnancy, pressure from the significant other, family & friends, etc), this will most definitely pose as a major problem down the road. There will undoubtedly be regret and anger down the road because love was never there. The relationship evolved out of sense of obligation or responsibility.
  6. When his or her friends and family are more important then you, this will definitely cause hardship down the road. This is accepted by many until they realize this is the way it is and they can’t change it. Now it’s a problem, but it’s a problem you should have dealt with it beforehand. People don’t, because they are too caught up in their feelings and most think they can change the minds of those they’re involved with. More than likely they can’t! In the beginning mess was accepted and in the end they get what they accepted in the beginning (mess)!
  7. If you find yourself with someone who’s abusive in any kind of way it will be a big problem down the road. No type of abuse should be brushed off. A lot of people have died in abusive relationships because they were completely led by their feelings and emotions for the other person until their eyes open; then they felt trapped or were too afraid to leave. It shouldn’t have ever gotten to this point! Abusers are very manipulative; they know what to say and do to get you hooked. However, people can avoid being bamboozled by looking beyond their emotions/feelings. These types of individuals (abusers) can be very nice, but the core of who they are always shows in some way. People get confused because these individuals go back and forth between good and bad behaviors. Duh, duh, duh!! That is a sign in itself.

I can go on for days on this topic. People get deeper into relationships that are tagged red from the beginning. People begin to feel trapped because of their lack of esteem and confidence in self. They feel they can’t make it alone so they stay. A lot of people who feel this way don’t realize they’re already making it alone, because although with someone they are lonely people. This isn’t love nor is it a healthy relationship.

If you’re in a relationship and you’re afraid of whom you’re with or you’re afraid to leave, this is a serious problem that shouldn’t have been allowed to get to this point. You didn’t wake up and find your relationship this way; it has been this way for a long time. Unfortunately you were blind by emotions and feelings.

I don’t know what else to say or how many times I must keep saying it, but it’s all about choice. Your life is yours and you have the choice to choose whether or not you will continue in your relationships. You have the choice to accept what’s dished out or not. You can’t make the best decision if you’re led by a heart filled with emotions of the other person, because he or she is all you will think about and out of it comes all of the thoughts, feelings, etc. Going off of those feelings and emotions will definitely cause a person to make the wrong choices.

I believe it’s simple to avoid bad relationships and situations by accepting the signs before us. I don’t care how good it makes you feel, this doesn’t mean it’s good for you. This is why people need to learn how to look past those feelings and embrace what’s truly good for them. Doing the opposite says a lot about you as an individual. It says what you believe about yourself and it shows their are insecurities and inner issues. Over the years when it comes to relationships I’ve seen the same bad decisions and choices made by thousands. Despite it all people will continue to be led by their feelings and emotions into bad relationships. At the end of the day, for many it’s all about satisfying the flesh. Sad, but true.