Cheating is Intentional

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I don’t care what excuse people give for cheating, IT IS INTENTIONAL! First of all if you’re in a relationship with ANYONE and you go looking for someone else, it’s absolutely intentional. The “it just happened” is nonsense and a lie. It never just happens and  it isn’t a mistake; it’s a bad decision! It’s bad decisions many choose to make.

People know their intentions and their hearts better than any individual. When a person know they  have a cheating spirit they shouldn’t become involved in any committed relationship because they don’t know the first thing about commitment? If a person has the desire to cheat they aren’t ready for commitment!

Sorry – Forget about it! It’s an abused and misused word. Cheater’s are quick to say sorry when they know they’re intentionally when it comes to cheating. People already know that by cheating it will hurt the one they’re with and they know there are many risks when stepping outside of their relationships, yet many will do it.

If a person isn’t ready for a commitment why enter into one? It is a question many need to ponder over. Cheating shows immaturity, lack of commitment, amongst other issues. Many individuals are in relationships yet continuing to seek out other people without taking the time to think of the consequences of their actions. Every part of cheating is an intentional act!

Cheating is something which shows the true characteristic of an individual. A cheater can pretend to be this or that, but the fact of the matter is they are liars and they are not trustworthy. They don’t have the mindset to be committed, because they are driven by what they want when they want it despite the devastation it may cause in their lives and the lives of others. They are selfish people who need to change their ways!

We all know some people will cheat, however when you don’t require respect in your relationships you won’t get it. As I always say  you teach people how to treat you and they will always treat you exactly how you allow.

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The Signs Don’t Lie

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IF the one you want to be with or is supposedly with only communicates with you through texting, then THEY aren’t that into you!!! When will some people get it? Look at the signs! Some of you are sitting somewhere right now waiting on a text. Stop expecting the one you want to be with or is supposedly with to be as available as you ALWAYS make yourself. The problem with many people especially women is they’re too dog gone available. You’re there at every beckoning call. Every text you receive, you’re on a reply within seconds when in return you have to wait minutes, hours, and sometimes days for a response. After hearing from them, some of you are as happy as rats in a cheese factory, (missing all the signs of the truth). Some people dismiss way too many relevant things.

When a person is insecure, eager, or desperate it shows in their bad choices and bad decisions. When a person finds all the time in the world for the person they love, but the individual has little time for them; this is a sign! Many miss this signs, because any bit of time they get they’re happy as can be; while totally overlooking the truth. Step back and assess your relationships! See who is doing all of communicating (calling/texting),then ask yourself is the person you’re with or want to be with giving to you what you need in return. If not, this is exactly what you’re bound to get once you settle for this type of relationship. How you’re treated will more than likely NOT change. If you accept excuses and crap from the start most times you will receive it throughout your relationships.

When a person isn’t as into you as you are them, they won’t take or make the effort you will take or make. This is a clear indication that something else is up! The receiver must face the fact it is what it is. If you settle you will get less than you deserve, point blank!! Don’t get twisted up about it, shake it off as their loss and move on. Stop settling for mess because it is all you will get in return! That’s a promise and a guarantee!!

Stop allowing people to handle you. This means stop letting people dictate to you, your happiness. You can give all you have, you can be available anytime and all the time, none of it will make him or her feel about you the way you feel about them. Some women think their cookies or their bodies are IT, they think it’s like no other. These women are fooling themselves, because a cookie is a cookie and a butt is a butt neither will keep your man at home and it sure won’t make a man want to make you a wife or even be with you the way you want him to be. He will get what he can when he can and still do exactly whatever else he wants to do. You can turn monkey flips upside down and do whatever he asks, if he’s not into you like you are him he will not give to you what you are looking for. This goes the same for men. You can do all you can, give all you have, but if she doesn’t feel about you the way you feel about her, it won’t matter!

My desire is to make people understand that no matter what you do if a person isn’t feeling about you the way you feel about them none of what you do or say will matter. They will continue to treat you the way you allow. They will never give you what you would like, because they don’t feel you like you’re feeling them. This is your truth, but many won’t accept it. They continue to pressure and push their way through until they finally are left feeling hurt. It’s not his or her fault it’s yours. The reason it’s yours is because you ignored the signs.

 

Consequences

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There are consequences for your actions. If people would take time to think over the possible consequences of their actions, many would probably choose differently. Instead people move based on what’s in their hearts. Our hearts hold all of who we are whether good or bad.

Cheaters – Understand if you are a cheater there are consequences to your cheating. You risk many things such as losing your significant other, separation within your relationships, diseases, or even death. When a person willfully cheats they risk the consequences of what may happen as a result of their actions.  Is it worth the risk? Think about that before you cross the line! To cheat isn’t a mistake it’s a bad decision. It’s bad choices based on what’s in a person’s heart. People are led by their thoughts and ultimately their hearts. If a person feel they want something badly enough the thought of it becomes frequent and provoking until the person acts on getting what they want. People who do this don’t really think of the consequences or they simply don’t care.

Security – Just what does it mean to you? If you’re a person who is basing your security on someone else you are WRONG! This is a huge bad decision! I believe if a person freely and willfully give their  power to someone else their power will be taken. Don’t base your livelihood, happiness, or security on someone else, because when you do you’re setting yourself up for anything. If you choose to you WILL some day suffer consequences for your actions! There’s nothing wrong with being taken care of by your significant other, however be able to take care of yourself if all else fails.

Relationships- If you get into them for the wrong reasons or stay in them for the wrong reasons you will have to deal with the consequences of your actions. People show you just who they are if you receive it. You teach your significant others EXACTLY how to treat you! If you take their foolishness (abuse, cheating, lying, or whatever it is), they will dish it out. I believe despite of what is said, a person willfully choose the type of relationship they become a part of, UNLESS they are in a country where it’s chosen for them. If a relationship is unhealthy and you stay, that is a personal choice, but it always comes with consequences, heartache, and pain.

What’s in the heart – It will surely come out! You know better than any other human who you are and what you are. Meaning you know exactly what lies within despite the fact you try to hide it. What you do in the dark will come to the light if you keep doing it and sometimes even if you stopped doing it. You try to hide all of your mess from man, you pretend to be one way when you KNOW you’re something else all together. Sooner or later your truth is revealed and there will be consequences for your actions!

Love – Most don’t even know what it is, but they are desperately seeking it (all the wrong ways, wrong people, wrong places, and you name it). These types of people accept anything in the name of what they think is love. These people go above and beyond in the name of what they think is love, even when they’re crapped on. They are abused, controlled, cheated on, lied too, manipulated, used for sex, used for what they have, they do things they wouldn’t normally do and don’t want to do, and many other things. People will walk and stomp all over you for as long as you lay down like a rug. They know your type and they will treat you how you allow. Love is kind, patience, giving, understanding, faithful, loyal, commitment, etc.

Love can be simulated, replicated,  and imitated, but real love can’t be duplicated when it’s genuine. If it’s not genuine it shows in how you’re treated, if you’re blind by your emotions you will miss the truth! A duplication is a copy, therefore it’s NOT the real deal. In relationships those who are pretending to get what they want will soon show who they really are and what they are about. Stop becoming lost and fixated on how you feel and start looking at how you’re treated in it lies the truth. A person who’s in a relationship for any reason other than being in love with who they are with will sooner or later show the truth concerning how they REALLY feel about who they are with. “People Lie, but the Signs Don’t” trust and believe the signs are always there. If you miss them you will eventually suffer the consequences of your actions. Guaranteed!

 

 

 

Drama with the Ex’s

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I thought I would write a little about this since it is a major issue for many. One thing I truly believe is people must start out in their relationships the way they intend to hold out. In a nutshell it means know what you’re getting into before you get in to it. When someone shows you their true colors, believe them. Stop thinking you can change or fix people, because you can’t. In the beginning of your relationships if you don’t know what you’re getting into or if you accept what you’re getting into; it is what you’re most likely stuck with. Too many people get into relationships ignoring all the important signs. They see them, but they are blind to them.

There are a lot of issues in relationships concerning baby mama and baby daddy drama that simply shouldn’t be. Men and women, if you’re in a relationship with someone other than the mother or father of your children and there’s always crap spilling over into your current relationships from your ex’s, this will become an epic problem.

Too many people allow their ex’s to cause havoc in their current relationships. This shouldn’t be the case. If people aren’t able to handle the drama their ex’s bring, it will be a chaotic and possibly volatile situation. It’s complete nonsense!

I understand fathers and mothers will always be fathers and mothers to their ex’s children, but it doesn’t mean it give ex’s free passes or the right to interfere in current relationships. Oftentimes when this happens it’s because someone hasn’t let go. You can let go of the person without letting go of the children. People must learn when it’s over it’s over (children or not). They can have children and still be cordial and civil to one another.

A lot of women try to use their children as pawns and it’s a sad thing. Verbally they say their relationships are over, but they think they have power over the men, because they have their children.   These types of women try to control the men although the men are in new relationships. Some men have difficulty taking control of the situation out of fear of not seeing the children or because they still have feelings for the mother of their child. As I always say, when it’s over it should be OVER! If a new significant other has to contend with problematic ex’s this is a terrible relationship to be in. It will continue to happen if people don’t nip things in the bud (sooner versus later).

Men use excuses too! Some claim they don’t want another man raising their child when some of these men know they weren’t helping raise them in the first place. It’s an excuse to try to control the situation. It’s an excuse to stay connected to the women.

I firmly believe if it’s not over (completely) don’t move on to another relationship. There are plenty of people who are unhappy, because they are constantly bombarded and harassed by their current significant other’s ex. If people are handling their situations with their ex’s properly it would eliminate unnecessary problems in their current relationships. As long as significant others choose to not do this, it will develop into bad situations and unhappy relationships. Take a stand and do the right thing. If you’re no longer with the mother or father of your children and have gotten into another relationship, don’t allow your ex to control or manipulate what’s happening in your current relationship.

There are many people who claim it’s all about the children knowing it’s a blatant lie! You can be a mother or father to your child without all of the shenanigans. Those who can’t have other agendas and intentions. If you find your children are in unhealthy environment that’s a completely different situation; as a parent you’re supposed to rattle the cage. However, this post is about people who have issues with letting go of their ex’s because they still have feelings for them. Those feeling could be feelings of love or feelings of hate. Their goal is to cause disruption in their ex’s current relationships.

I’m a woman and personally it sickens me to see women do this type of mess! There are plenty who use their children this way. Men are no better some of them do it too and they are just as wrong. To act this way does nothing but cause problems for everyone involved (the children, the ex’s, and the new individuals in relationships with them).

If it’s Over Stop Talking About It

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I’m sure some people would say it’s easier said then done. I beg the differ. The reason is if a person is really over their significant other there will be no issues of regret and they won’t dwell on them. I believe the problem is too many people get out of relationships without actually being over them. They have the tendencies to constantly bring stuff from their old relationships into their new ones.

A lot of people move on into other relationships without resolving the first. This causes restrictions, disruptions, and barriers in new relationships. Both men and women become quite annoyed and bored of hearing about previous escapades with last significant others. When a person gets into a new relationship if all he or she does is reference the old flame, then it’s a good indication they’re not over it.

If you’re a person who can’t seem to stop talking or thinking about your ex, then something is wrong with! Examine yourselves and start taking notice of what you’re thinking and saying. You may not believe it, but when you constantly talk about your past relationship to the new person in your life you do one of two things; you turn them off or you teach them how to treat you (good or bad). Sometimes they may not say anything, but they are taking in what is being said.

Oftentimes people set themselves up for failure by reliving their past relationships in their new ones. If you tell all of your dirty laundry to the new person in your life it provides them with information on the type of person you are. Meaning, they sometimes figure if you took crap from someone else they can give you some as well or if you done a particular thing to someone else you will do it to them. Have you ever been in a situation or know of someone who got with an individual who promised they would never do to them what their ex done to them; only to find out they did that and more ?  In my opinion it’s not good to drag old stuff into a new relationship. In other words stop telling all of your business to the new person in your life. Some things isn’t his or her business! Sometimes you can talk and tell too much! It can sometimes bite you in the butt!

Some people compare the differences or similarities between their old and current significant others. People stop doing this!! No one likes this being done to them. It’s oftentimes leads to conflicts in new relationships, which is understandable. If you’re too affected by a previous relationship (good or bad) and you talk about it a lot to your current significant other; this shows you’re not over it.

When people are in relationships and the decision is made to move on, people must be able to wash their hands of it and move on. If they can’t they don’t need to get into other relationships carrying all of the baggage from their previous ones. It’s immature and it causes unnecessary drama for everyone involved. If you can’t get over it, then it’s not over!! Please stop getting into relationships knowing your hearts and minds are with the last person you were involved with.

 

 

Hall Passes are for School

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I am sick of this stupid and immature phenomenon. I am forewarning people; giving hall passes is not a good idea. Let me ask you how many times do we hear of men giving hall passes? Uh never, and if they do it’s because they’re in the same mindset of the women who offer or suggest this type of nonsense! Men can’t stomach the thought of their women having a hall pass, so they’re likely not give their women this pass. On the flipside; many men will certainly take it if offered. Many will do it without the offer, but they feel better about it when it’s offered.

Now, after writing the above line let me elaborate; any person (male or female) who offers the individual they love a hall pass is asking for trouble. I don’t care how people pretend they’re okay with their significant other sleeping around with someone else, it’s a lie! If you truly love and in love with who you’re with, there’s no way you want them sleeping with someone else. Offering this pass will not help your relationship. Any person offering their significant other a hall pass is a person with insecurities. It’s someone who feels they need to do anything to keep who they are with. It’s someone who needs to realize nothing he or she does will keep the person they love. Bottom line, if the person you’re with really loved you, a hall pass wouldn’t ever be a topic of discussion in your relationship.

A lot of women offer or suggest a hall pass out of desperation in thinking it will fix their already unhealthy relationships. New flash, it won’t! What these types of women need to fix is themselves. Work on you! Figure out and deal with why you’re insecure and desperate in keeping someone who don’t want to be kept by you! Yes, you read it correctly. If a man loves you and is in love with you, he will NOT want to step out on you. A man that’s mature and serious about his relationship will not put his woman in a predicament where she feels she needs to offer him a hall pass.

People in relationships who feel they need a hall pass are people who shouldn’t be in relationships. They are people who may be of age, but they certainly haven’t matured. They are people who have their own insecurities and are still being led by their flesh. Their concern isn’t for who they are with, their concern is for what they want and desire. Who they are with isn’t enough, they aren’t satisfied, they are still “sowing their wild oats.” This is NOT a person who should be in a committed relationship.

Sadly, too many people get into relationships yet they have no commitment, dedication, faithfulness, or loyalty to whom they are with. However, even worse is the fact sometimes people know what they are getting, yet they think they will be able to change the individual only to find out they were wrong. No amount of love can change a person who doesn’t want to change. These types of people aren’t ready or capable to be part of healthy relationships, unfortunately many will still pursue relationships. They are dysfunctional people (the one offering the hall pass and the one who’s taking it)! In these types of relationships one person is always suffering, because they are too occupied in trying to figure out ways to keep who they are with. They are exhausted and drained trying to hold on to someone who doesn’t want the same thing. They fail to realize no matter what they give or offer it will not make the person they are with love them the way they want to be loved.

Men don’t give hall passes, because they know it’s stupid and they know they can’t handle the thought of another man being with their women. Ladies, if he can’t handle the thought of you being with someone else, why do you feel it’s okay for him to be with another or other women? It’s ridiculous, it’s not right, it’s not fair, and it’s NOT what a healthy strong relationships is or should be about. If you give hall passes, then you’re setting yourself up for anything.

Like the title says “hall passes are for school, NOT relationships.” If you act desperate it’s exactly how you will be treated. If you offer a hall pass something is wrong with YOU! You’re pushing the limits therefore be prepared for the repercussions of your choices and decisions. Hall pass today, what tomorrow??

 

Emotional and Physical Connections

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I don’t claim to be something I am not, however, there has been a great change in my life since making Jesus my choice. I don’t believe in fornication, adultery, or any form of sexual immorality, but I know many people live differently than I do, therefore as a writer, I have to write about what people are dealing with.

There are women who are attached emotionally to the men they want to be with which almost always leads to physical. Then there are men who are attached physically, but doesn’t necessarily mean they have the same type of emotional ties to who they’re with.

A person can not leave the decision to be drug along to the person who is doing the dragging. The  decision to be emotionally and physically connected to someone who’s only tied physically to you is a personal decision. Ladies, learn to value yourself more than this, because if you don’t; you will continue to find yourselves in relationships that are unhealthy for you. Some men find themselves in these types of relationships same as women.

We’ve all heard “women are emotional and men are physically.” I think this pertains to those who aren’t mature enough to handle a relationship. They aren’t ready for the commitment; they have too much baggage affecting how they deal with relationships (it’s all about sex/physical connection or it’s all about being with someone despite what you receive; a lot of women fall in this position, but oftentimes so do some men). All of the bad decisions, wrong choices, etc., comes from baggage festering inside, it corrupts the ability to make good sound decisions and choices.

If the truth be told, we are all physical and emotional creatures. It doesn’t mean a person has to be lead solely by one or the other. Those who are need to deal with their baggage and they need to mature (grow up)! If a man is lead solely by physical attraction, he needs to grow up. If a woman is lead solely by her emotions, she too needs to mature (grow up). In life mature men and woman know and understands no healthy relationship is built solely on a physical attraction or emotions. It will crash and burn!!

Women ARE in fact physical creatures! Before a woman wants to be with someone she has to have that physical attraction and what seals the deal are the emotions she feels from the total package. This can lead to a train wreck when who she’s with doesn’t feel the same in return. The problem is some women fall too fast for men who hasn’t fell for them. Many men are lead by what they see and it is also what drives most to seek after what they see. For men, there is always some type of emotional tie, but if he isn’t looking for a committed relationship he is able to disconnect the emotions from what he wants physically. Unfortunately a lot of women become too emotionally tied to men who don’t feel the same connection to them. This is why it’s important to get to know who you are with. People must learn to effectively communicate and know when they’re on the same accord.

Some women have a lot of drama in their relationships when they try to get something from the other person that the other person isn’t ready, willing, or able to give. It causes havoc in relationships! Too many people set themselves up for disaster from the start of their relationships. First of all, many get into relationships for the wrong reasons and in all of the wrong ways. There are many women who out of emotions believe  the men they are with really want to be with them, when the truth of the matter is their men only want to get with them on a physical level. These women feel because the men keep going back they feel the same way about them. This isn’t the truth, the truth is these men are able to separate any deep emotional feelings, from what they want physically. This makes him easily able to keep going back.  Some women continue to give themselves to these men in hoping they will change the minds of the men they are with. It doesn’t work! Why lose your mind wanting to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? He wants what you have, but he doesn’t want you! Get it!!

Bottom line is these types of relationships will never be healthy or lasting unless some serious change occurs. Remember I always say you teach the one you’re with or want to be with EXACTLY how to treat you. A person will continue to get from you exactly what they want if you freely give it no matter what IT is!