Some people may not admit it, but I know a lot of people find themselves in this type of situation. It is unhealthy! If you lose yourself in someone the only reason a person does this is because they’ve never really found self. People who don’t know the difference between wants and needs are people who don’t know what’s right for them. Oftentimes they are people who don’t understand what love is and what it isn’t. They seek love in all the wrong ways, with all the wrong people, and wrong the places. They end up in unhealthy and sometimes downright dangerous relationships.
I’ve met a tremendous amount of people who have told me they were deep into their significant other until they lost sight of who they were. Some went off into the deep end doing things they never wanted to do and acting ways out of the norm only to appease their significant other. Many people get lost trying to save or fix their significant others. If you’re trying to save or fix someone then it’s obvious you have things to work out within yourself.
Many individuals give up their hopes and dreams to help their significant others to obtain theirs. Nothing is wrong with supporting your significant other, but you should never give up your dreams to do so. There are many people who end up separating after their significant others has obtained their goals and the person left behind feels lost and brokenhearted. It’s what you signed up for, because you can change your situation anytime you choose!
I’ve written and said many times a person can definitely lose self trying to be in an unhealthy relationship with someone else. There are many people who seek love from others, yet they don’t love self. What sense does that make? They look pass all the signs of potential problems because they are led by their feelings and emotions. They are dead set on trying to fix or save the one they are with. People have lost their sanity and health trying to make it work with toxic and broken individuals. It compiles their own problems with the problems of their significant other. If you find yourself in this type of relationship re-examine yourself by looking inward to figure out why you’re putting yourself through it. You can’t fix or save anyone, especially if they’re not ready to change!
A person who loves self will not tolerate any unnecessary chaos or discord in their lives. They love self enough to walk away from people who bring toxicity and negativity their way. They look past looks, material things, statuses, etc. They understand a peaceful mind is priceless! They aren’t trying to save, fix, teach, or raise no adult! People will be treated how allowed. If you take crap, crap is what you will get! Period!
You can’t make a person want to change no matter how much you love them. People have to want to change their negative states of mind. They must want to become better individuals NOT because of you, but because it’s what they need in their life with or without you! Individual’s who change for other people will most likely revert back to who they really are once they’ve gotten comfortable enough in the relationship. The signs will be present, but unfortunately the person who is busy and fixated on trying to save or fix misses the signs until they become drained and overwhelmed with it all.
The greatest teacher in my life has been experience. Ooooweee! There are some things I am so thankful I went through, because it taught me never EVER do it again. I learn from everything. I know a lot of people don’t, they keep going through the same things with the same types of people. It’s because they aren’t ready to change. You need to change from the person who is always trying to fix and save just as much as the person you’re trying to save or fix. If not you will always continue to have chaos in your life and relationships!
When you continue to accept discord and chaos stop pointing the finger. The other person may very well be a part of the problem, but you’re the biggest problem, because no one can dictate your life unless you allow. If you allow chaos and discord, guess what? You will get it! Don’t allow anyone to cause you to stress out to the point of losing your mind and health. People end up on psychotropic medications due to stress, anxiety, depression, fear, hopelessness, etc, etc. This happens because people lose self in trying to love someone healthy. You can’t do it anyways, but especially when you’re in an unhealthy state of mind yourself. People must want to change, be willing to change, and put in the time and effort to do so! You can’t do it for them no matter how much you love them.