Sometimes you lose a loved one through death, breakup, or divorce, sometimes you refuse to let go of someone who doesn’t want you; sometimes they die, but you refuse to move on, sometimes although abused and controlled by someone due to inner issues you stay; sometimes despite it being the wrong person and wrong situation you still proceed, etc. I can go on and on. No matter the situation when a person can’t live without another person it’s time to look inward.
Regardless of what; a person must be able to move on. When a person can’t move on there is something inside blocking their ability to do so. Those who cannot move forward has other issues that has caused this inability. Most often this inability occurred long before the relationship.
There are far too many people who depend on their significant others or oftentimes other people and when they are no longer there they aren’t able to function. There have been some people so devastated they take their own lives or at least contemplate it. There are some people who fall into depression because they can’t move on. Then you have those who can’t deal with rejection and they will take the life of the person who they supposedly love/ed.
The first problem is giving your power to others. Depending on others for your happiness is the wrong choice for anyone to make. I think it’s a bad decision to sit back while your life is controlled by someone else. I don’t care who they are, how long you been together, or anything else! It’s foolish! I know people who had losses due to death and they are absolutely dysfunctional. They don’t know how to do anything on their own, because they gave all of the control to their significant other who has now passed away.
Some people give their power because they think it will make their relationships work, they think it’s love. Other times it’s because they have been bamboolzed by someone whose intent is to lure you into giving up control. It’s done subtly and because of it people don’t realize they’re controlled until it’s too late. I’ve spoken to people who are controlled like animals but they still refuse to move on, instead they stay. All of it is due to unresolved inner issues.
If you allow yourself to be controlled you have a problem. You have inside issues affecting your ability to make good decisions and choices. If you’re a person who is doing the controlling, the same goes for you. It’s a big problem whether it’s the taker or the giver. Inner issues must be dealt with in order for people to heal and receive the strength they need to grow and move forward.
A lot of people feel comfortable given their power to others. They think it’s a form of showing love. I will say again this is a bad choice any way you look at it. People treat you how you allow. If you solely depend on someone then how you’re treated is what you’ve allowed. You lay the foundation whether it leads to being controlled, abused, or whatever)! You’re your own problem! One thing you can count on is if you give your power it will be taken.
It’s okay to grieve; whether it’s because someone died or because of a separation or divorce. However, if you can’t function because of it then it is a problem. If you don’t know how to let go you’re your own problem. Life stops for no one, it keeps right on rolling. Those who won’t move on only causes self more unnecessary issues. The fixing starts within. No one can do it for you, only you can do it. People need to work on self before entering into relationships. Show me an unhealthy relationship I’ll show you unhealthy people. Period!
There are a lot of people who think they love self, but their decisions and choices tell the truth! Most have no clue of what love is yet they seek it with passion. People do many things due to brokenness. They don’t deal with past issues in order to heal, grow, and make better choices and decisions. Things won’t change until they do. When you heal it means growth has taken place. However, it cannot happen if people continue to go through the same things over and over never making change an option! These days and times people accept how they are as if it’s how they’re supposed to be; when it’s not! Instead of seeking better they resist change, willfully choosing their unhealthy cycles. They keep finding themselves in the same situations over and over. This will always happen until the discovery of self love is made.
People don’t understand what they do to self when they give others power and control over them. It can be very debilitating, crippling, and sometimes deadly. I’ve seen it time and time again. If I haven’t seen it I’ve at least heard of it. It’s not love! It’s not love for yourself or the other person. People will do to you what you allow. Learn to move on!
The majority of people are afraid to be alone or afraid to start over. Oftentimes it’s both! It’s sad when people don’t realize when they love self the rest doesn’t matter. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying being with someone can’t be a good thing. It can!!! I am saying if its over it’s over! If you love yourself you will understand, but if you’ve given away your power this truth is hard to embrace.
If you’re going to love someone start with yourself! In loving yourself it allows you to see what’s in your face. It allows you to understand your power and control belongs to you and no matter who; you won’t give it away. It allows you the ability to move on with your life if people die or if a breakup occurs. It’s not selfish to love yourself. It’s absolutely necessary!