Facing Your Biggest Problem, You

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It’s not him or her, it’s you! Stop trying to hold on to people who have let you go. Stop trying to hold on to a person who doesn’t feel you’re worth fighting for. It means you’re not as important to him or her as they are to you. The person you’re with must think you’re just as important, if not they aren’t as into you as you are to them. Too many live their lives struggling to hold on to people who are NOT holding on to them. It causes unnecessary chaos and drama in the lives of many.

People give their significant others too much power over their lives. They can’t function when the one’s they love walk away or simply don’t really want them. If a person wants to walk let them. Stop taking up space in your mind over someone who don’t even think of you! Some people literally can’t function because someone walked away from the relationship. I’m sorry I think it’s nonsense! It’s only my opinion. I know we’re all different. It doesn’t make sense to me to lose your mind over someone who doesn’t care how you feel.

Many people go through hell and high water to be with individuals who don’t want to be with them. When a lot of people stay it’s not that they want you, they like what you do for them and it’s the only reason they stick around. They treat the individuals they are with like crap, because they are allowed to. You have to deal with the monsters you created. Why? It’s because we teach people how to treat us. Whatever you allow it will happen! When you nip things in the bud people know where you stand!! When you allow things to continue to go on; you let people know where you stand!! The control is always yours, unless you give it away.

There are a lot of people who want to give up because the one’s they love don’t love them back. Seriously? If a person doesn’t want to be with you let them go. Trying to keep them where they don’t want to be will only prove to be a dead end and unhealthy situation. If a person is trying to hold on to someone when the person doesn’t want to be there, you must look at self and figure out what’s going on with you, NOT the other person. They’ve shown you who they are and what they want, now it’s up to you to deal with your feelings and emotions and stop allowing them to lead you in the wrong direction.

None of us can change another person, we can only change ourselves. We have to look at self and determine what we have to fix about self. Stop blaming the other person, because the other person is doing what they want to do. Life will go on even if you choose to remain stuck in place. No one is worth it. No one is worth the heartache or headache. If they want to walk, open the door for them! Same door they walked out of someone else will walk in. The difference should be you’re stronger and have more wisdom, knowledge, and understanding so not to make the same bad decisions again.

Most people look at relationships they’re in one way; and that’s according to how they feel about the other person. Hold up! Remember, you’re never the only person in a relationship, it always takes two! People get caught up in how they feel and fail to fully understand how the other person feels. A person shows you the truth no matter how subtle. People fail to see it, because they are blind by their thoughts, feelings, and emotions of the person they think they love or want to be with.

Stop doing things you feel uncomfortable with, stop trying to be someone you’re not, stop accepting any ole thing, stop allowing yourself to be mistreated, stop blaming the other person and take responsibility and ownership for you and your life, stop worrying about what the other person is doing and take care of you, and please stop giving your power to someone else.

I promise you, if you love yourself it will be enough!
You may feel lonely sometimes, but it’s better than being with someone and still lonely. Being alone is better than being with someone and in love by yourself. Being alone is better than being with someone yet separate, because they are doing their own thing. Being alone is better than being with someone who is only with you because of what you provide. Being alone can be a greater teacher if allowed. Learn to love you and you will see that no one will love you like you and if you love you, you know everything will be alright!

Individuals must learn how to see past their feelings, if they don’t they will continue to get into the wrong types of relationships, with the wrong people, for all of the wrong reasons. Happiness doesn’t start or end with anyone, but yourself; others may be a part of your happiness, but you definitely shouldn’t depend on anyone to bring happiness in your life. You first have to find it within yourself!

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Spectator Outside Looking In

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I used to lead sing a gospel song called “Standing on the Outside Looking in.” I was very young then and when I think about it, that’s exactly what I was doing, because I wasn’t a Saint of God. At that time I knew of Jesus, because I was raised in church, but I didn’t have a personal relationship with Him. I would sing, because I enjoyed it and I was decent at it.

I am so thankful for change! Oh my goodness if I was the person I used to be I don’t know where I would be right now. I thank God for giving me the wisdom, knowledge, and understanding which made me seek after Him. I gave up this world and never looked back! I know many of you think I’m probably full of it. I promise you, I never looked back. Once I gave it up, that was it for me! There is nothing better or greater than His love to me!

On this journey a person must know what they truly want. There is no dipping and dabbing in the world and trying to live for Christ. It isn’t possible. In our minds when we are doing what we really want to do, what we want the most is what we submit and commit to. Many say it’s the Lord, but their ways says something else. Their ways shows who they truly choose. We can pretend all day, but we are never able to fool God. When we are talking one thing yet walking another we are nothing more than spectators on the sideline looking in.

Many people get offended when you tell the truth about it. They want to say you’re judging etc. It’s not judging when you’re telling the truth. Especially when all you care about is helping someone before it’s too late. I don’t have the power to save anyone. Anybody who think they are powerful enough to save anyone they are foolish! We can encourage, motivate, educate/teach, inspire, mentor, etc, yet; we can’t save no one. All any of us can do is tell someone about Jesus, the individual has to want to do the rest. They must want to come out of their sins and become saved! We can invite them, but it is the individual who must accept the invitation (Romans 10:9). I don’t care who it is, if they say they are living for the Lord, but are still partaking in the ways of the world; they are merely spectators outside looking in.

When people are trying to love two, it’s not an easy thing. It brings drama, confusion, destruction; and according to the Word of God you will love one more than the other. Therefore the one tugging at you the most is what you will follow. We either follow the flesh or the Spirit. People who are spectators outside looking are those who are “lukewarm and double minded.” There’s no place or room in the Kingdom for them!

Stop being a spectator, because you’ll never ever reap the benefits of the Kingdom, by standing on the outside looking in! Remember, you’re either for Him or against Him, there’s nothing else to choose!

Praying the Least When it Should be the Most

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There are a lot of people who get discouraged and want to give up on God, because they don’t see their prayers being manifested. When some people can’t see a breakthrough they become discouraged. Jesus knows what’ best for you and I assure you, He may not come when we want Him, but He’s always on time! His time isn’t ours, His ways isn’t our ways, and His will for us is different from what we want for ourselves. He knows what’s best for us, because He knows what we need! He knows most of us are led by the flesh, (because many speak of Him, yet hearts are far from Him), therefore they seek after the flesh, versus the Spirit of God. People declare they are strong, yet they are week, because they aren’t walking by Faith. We must walk by Faith and not by Sight! We must love Jesus more than the world!

Most people want things to happen right away; it’s the human part of us. However when you’re a Saint of God, you must know “Faith is the substance of things hoped for; evidence of things not see.” No matter what; we must believe deliverance and breakthrough will happen.

The Bible tells us to “pray without cease.” When some people are going through they become more overwhelmed by their situations. They become consumed by their problems allowing doubt to set in. This is only a trick of the enemy whose job is to kill, steal, and destroy. As a Saint of God we should never doubt God; for He’s a God who can’t lie!

As Saints of God we must hold on, because the Word says “the race isn’t give to the swift nor the strong, but to the one who endures to the end.” We must stay in the race. We should always pray (morning, noon, and night). I believe through the tough times we should pray even more, because the devil knows when we are struggling and he’s waiting for the perfect opportunity to mess up your mind. If you let him in, he will definitely try to take over.

Personally I know the struggle is real. It gets hard sometimes on this journey, because it can be lonely. Remember, when friends and family walk away, Jesus the Son and our Father God will never leave or forsake us. Keep pushing towards the prize!

I can truly say when I feel some kind of way, I start praying in the Spirit and not once have the Holy Spirit forsaken me. Every single time the Holy Spirit shows up and make me feel better. We have to trust Jesus and God to be who they are!

The devil don’t want us to feel peace, because we are against him. He wants to attack us left and right, because he’s the author of confusion. It’s alright, because whatever he does to us, God has us through it all. We all will go through, but remember our struggles come to make us, not to break us! We must stand firmly on the Word of God. Don’t give in to the enemy. Trust Jesus. Pray, pray, and then pray some more! Tell yourself it will be alright, “this too shall pass!” The trying times makes us stronger and stronger if we don’t give in to the struggle.

Suicide is Permanent Troubles are Temporary

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I know I’ve blogged more than usual this week, but I wanted to send this one out. It’s my opinion and based on many years of experience working with people from all walks of life. No matter the race, gender, age, or population everyone has their issues.

It really saddens me to hear when people take their own lives. We all have a story we could tell. We are all affected by other people and life in some form or another. However, no matter what or who, this life we have is ours and ours alone to live. No one gets to live it for us. Individually we can give our power away to others, but at the end of it all we live and die for self.

Struggles come and struggles go, they are temporary. Unfortunately many choose the permanent fix to their temporary problems; which is suicide. No trouble last always. It may feel as if it does, but it doesn’t. People are so filled with darkness they literally can’t see. They don’t believe their “light at the end of their tunnel” exists. There is light, there is always light if people will hold on.

A lot of readers may say if I haven’t experienced it, therefore I don’t know. Wrong, I’ve gone through storms over and over in my life. The difference for me is I’ve always even as a young child figured out bad things happen. No matter how young or old, no matter how good you are; bad things happen. I’ve learned to accept it. We will all go through storms at some point. Our lives are like hills and valleys. We go in and out of things. We must learn to hold on, because those troubles won’t last always. Life is a cycle and we have to endure the bad and the good. No one complains when it’s feeling good, but people complain when they are enduring those hard times. Unfortunately for some they never experience the good, because what’s inside doesn’t allow them to feel happy about anything.

Individually we must look at ourselves. Yes, there are many people and things affecting us along the way, but we STILL must always look at self. We can’t change other people; only ourselves. Oftentimes people already have issues they are dealing with from childhood. Childhood is normally where it all begins. If a person doesn’t deal with those issues I don’t care how old they become they will carry those issues with them throughout life. Then on top of it they have families, significant others, careers, etc coupled with what they’ve never dealt with (their issues). It all compiles and weighs the individual down. Individually we must learn to lessen the load. It begins for each and every one of us by dealing with self first and foremost. If not you will be a struggling individual, struggling even more due to the pressures of life. People have the tendency of compiling their issues and instead of fixing them it leads to anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, for some homicidal thoughts, physical ailments and other issues.

I don’t care who loves you, they can’t fix or save you! You’re the only person who can do it for yourself. It starts and ends with you. Some people think because they are successful with lots of money life will be easier. This isn’t true at all! You’re still you and no matter where you are your problems will follow because they are inside. No amounts of money, love from others, friends, family, material things will fix what’s wrong inside. People have to deal with self.

Love yourself no matter what! Forgive yourself and anyone else who needs to be forgiven by you. Forgiveness isn’t for the other person, it’s actually for you. It’s for your peace of mind. It gives you the ability to let go and move on. We don’t forget stuff, but we certainly can get to a point where stuff doesn’t bother us like it once had.

Instead of dealing with things a lot of people want to give up on self and life all together. This is the wrong ways of thinking. If a person begin to dwell on taking their own life if they don’t change their ways of thinking the bad thoughts could eventually consume them. The thoughts become fleeting (coming and going). Do you know why? It’s because once a person allows bad thoughts to enter in and do nothing about them, those thoughts will stay there and they will become stronger, because the person is giving power to them. This is very dangerous and it’s when people do unthinkable and unimaginable things such as commit suicide, homicide, or a host of other things people do when they’ve succumbed to the darkness. People must acknowledge and take ownership of when they are going through these moments and not simply go through them allowing them to consume them.

Not one of us are exempt from the troubles of this world. As I said earlier in this post we have to take the good with the bad. I’ve written and said many times trouble free people do not exist. I believe the greatest gift we can give ourselves is the gift of love. It doesn’t matter what you went through or who did something to us, we all must learn to love self. When a person truly loves his or herself it changes their mindset, therefore their outlook on life.

Too many individuals give their power to people and things. Living this way means you’re at the will of those people and things. If you give your power away it means you don’t have it. Before living a life of stress due to life and others, take back your power! There will be things for which we can’t control. However, we can always control how we react to those things.

People will look you right in your face and smile. They will carry on as if they are happy, yet inside they are filled with pain and misery. No one can deal with their issues by trying to hide and pretend the pain doesn’t exist. People who commit suicide give up on self and life, but they don’t realize what they leave behind for their families and friends. Talk to someone, talk to anyone about what you are thinking. The thoughts will intensify if you don’t and often to the point of a successful suicide. The thoughts come from a very dark place, a place where it’s difficult to see your way. Life never has to be this way for anyone.

I know things are awful for some people, but again it all starts with you. Never live to please other people or to be validated by other people. Don’t allow your dreams or goals to put you in the wrong mindset. Remember, you can’t please everyone, so don’t waste your time trying. Remember you are unique and no one is like you, others won’t think like you, don’t get frustrated because of it. Love you and be happy for you, it makes everything else better! Individually we must look inside and deal with what ails us! Life is worth living! Change whatever needs changing. Sometimes it means new, places, people, and things. However, no matter where you are in life, nothing changes if you don’t fix what’s wrong. If a person doesn’t change all they will do is take the toxicity from one place to another. No matter what life throws us, it’s all about what we make of it! If you’re in pain, own it and deal with it because it will not go away until you make a change in yourself! No one can do it for you. Life is precious and it’s worth living. Change your attitude it changes everything else!

1-800-273-8255 is the National Suicide Hotline number they are available to assist. There are also hospitals, churches, thousands upon thousands of different sources available, where help is available. No one can help if a person doesn’t open up about what they are thinking. Never give power to your negative and unhealthy thoughts, they may pull you into a dark place you find it difficult to get out of; please, please, please seek help!

I don’t know you, but I care about you and your life!!

Start Looking at Yourself

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Many people in this world completely give their power to the one’s they are in relationships with. Unless a person has matured and become wiser they will put their feelings for who they are with above what’s good for self.

Have you ever seen a show called “Hustle and Soul” it’s about the Brooklyn Pink Tea Cup restaurant. Fake or real this is a perfect example of how a person completely gives away their power. It was so ridiculous to me I couldn’t watch it. Sadly there are many in this world in these types of relationships. You are treated exactly how you allow!

No matter how much a person says they love you, their actions will speak volumes. Sometimes people fake it to get what they want out of you. When in relationships with people who really don’t want you they will oftentimes be in a relationship with someone else (married or causal relationship). They will tell you they love or care about you while telling the other person the same thing. You end up acting foolish over someone who isn’t worth your time. Yet, people stay in these unhealthy relationships. Those who do, it clearly shows they have things they definitely need to change about self.

If a person is constantly taking from you, something is up. If a person is always MIA (missing in action), something is up. If a person can’t spend time with you, because they always have to do something; something is up. When a person is always on their phone even when you’re around, something is up. When a person never does anything for you; something is up. If a person never invites you over to their place, but they are always at yours; something is up. If a person never invites you to meet friends or family; something is up. If a person enjoys you while you’re on the inside, but never wants to be seen with you on the outside; something is up. If a person is available in the daytime, but at night they can’t communicate; something is up. If a person sit back and wait for you to come to their beckoning call; something is up and it’s a set up. They are showing you exactly how they will treat you. If a person has someone else and is trying to get with you too; you should love yourself enough not to get into this type of relationship. This person is showing you what they are about. This is going to bring nothing other than drama into your life. I can go on and on and on, because there are many signs people fail to acknowledge.

In some relationships people are very blind by their feelings to the point of being abused by the ones’ they love because they accept any and everything from those individuals. Many people don’t nip things in the bud; and before they know it they are in deep. They are afraid to leave for many reasons; the most poplar are (fearful of physical abuse or fearful of losing whatever security they think they have). First of all you should never allow abuse in any form and you shouldn’t ever stay, period! It is not cute, love, or a game! Second, you should obtain your own security so you never fear losing someone else’s. There’s nothing a person can offer that is worth your peace of mind.

You will do either bad or good by yourself. It all depends on how you feel about yourself as to what you will and won’t accept in your life. You definitely don’t need anyone adding to problems you may already have. If a person can’t bring to the table, then it means they are taking away. Therefore, you will have their issues to deal with along with your own. No one can complete you, they either add to or take away. A person who loves his or herself will never allow anyone to bring distress into their lives. You have to stand and be complete on your own to have something happy and healthy with someone else.

When you give up your power you make it much easier for the other person to take advantage of you. Some people give too much too quickly. They think it will keep the other person around, instead most times it drives them away. Some will stick around to get whatever they can out of you, in the meantime they still don’t want to be with you. If you’re lost in your feelings you won’t be able to see it.

Most people want to hang on to someone who isn’t remotely worth hanging on to. For you it’s all about them and for them it’s all about them! Sad, but true! Still many people don’t get it or won’t get it! When you’re dealing with a lot of issues it interferes with the ability to think rationally or logically. People are blind by their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. People are seeking things they know nothing about. You can’t expect to find happiness or love in someone else when you’re unhappy with yourself and when you don’t love yourself. Normally it will not work!

Motivation for Change

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There are many people who are in the exact same place not growing at all. I think this is very sad when there are many opportunities to become better individuals. When people choose contentment and stagnation it inhibits their ability to grow. They become fixated in the wrong mindset. If a person is not content, but comfortable, this should be an issue for them. It is up to each of us to change what needs to be changed in ourselves. No one can do it for us it’s something we must do individually.

I know many people who are in this situation and I have seen others who will do nothing to change their lives. They haven’t grown at all. They are in the same spots from years and years before. Their lives are like revolving doors. Despite of the struggles they endure, they choose to be content with their lives. Most times people are this way due to some type of fear and/are other debilitating issues. It traps people in the wrong mindsets and stops their abilities to move.

It irritates me when people want to benefit from the fruits of your labor, but they do nothing to improve self. Althought they may not support you, they certainly want to benefit from your hard work and they will if you allow it.

Stop enabling people to be comfortable with being the way they are when they way they are hasn’t changed. You can’t make a person change, but you sure can change you and not allow a person to constantly use you to supply their needs.
You teach people exactly how to treat you!

Life can throw us all some hard blows. How we perceive those events will most likely determine how we choose to go through them. Unfortuantely and sadly, some people choose to carry the residuals of their situations through a lifetime. It’s hard to move forward with such weight. Some people stay where they are, because it’s most comfortable and familiar. It’s okay to feel what we go through, but it’s not okay to allow whatever it is to hinder our growth.

In this world rarely or ever do people give you anything, you have to work for what you need. If a person choose to live the same way forever then they don’t give self the opportunity to progress. You can’t progress if you choose to remain the same. A lot of people play the blame game, but it get’s you no further than doing nothing. In order to grow, progress, and change, you must do something other than what you’ve been doing. Most of all you have to change your mindset, if you do your attitude and everything else will follow suit!

Sometimes for a Season Always for a Reason

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A lot of times in our lives people come and they go. Many individuals experience difficulty when they try to hold on to people who don’t want to be held on to. Trying to do whatever you can to make a person want to remain in your life never works. You should never belittle yourself by trying to force in any way someone to be in or a part of your life who doesn’t want to be.

I understand when you love someone it’s hard to see them gone, but sometimes you have to let a person go. This goes for family, friends, and others. It doesn’t mean you don’t care for them, it means you have to do what’s best for you mentally, physically, and spiritually. You can’t grow because you’re stopping your ability to grow by being choked by the weeds you allow to grow in your life.

There are too many people who are doing all kinds of foolishness to try and hang on to significant others when their significant others are running the other way. Let them run! If a person doesn’t want to be with you or in your presence life goes on! Love yourself enough to be able to let them walk.

We sometimes have family members and friends who no matter how much you love them; don’t seem to want to truly be a part of your life. Let them do what makes them happy, even if it means not dealing with you!

Every last one of us go through things which are either good or bad and oftentimes both. Some people come in our lives and it’s meant to be for a season. However, due to individuals being led by their feelings and emotions, they try to make what is meant for a season a lifetime. This is why so many people are dealing with unnessary drama. I’ve said and written it a million times no matter how handsome or cute you are, what you have, your title or status, the money you have, what you provide, all the sex you give, NONE of it will make the person you love want to be with you or stay with you. If they don’t want to be with you, there’s nothing you can do or say to change it. Let them go if that is what they want.

I know it’s a little different with family. They are meant for a lifetime, but it doesn’t mean you have to exhaust yourselves trying to make them love you. If a family member doesn’t want to deal with you, it’s their choice. As my mom always said “feed them with a long handle spoon.” That simple means love them, but at a distance. Today’s families has as many clicks as any social group. Some family members pick and choose what other family members they want to be around. You have no control over this. Love you enough to keep it moving.

Friends come and go. A true friend is there always, but a person who claims they are a friend who isn’t; will eventually show their true colors; when they do let them walk! Sometimes we try to hold on to individuals who have long let us go. This isn’t healthy! People will be as nice to you as possible to get what they can from you. You have to be smart enough to see what is happening and nip it in the bud. Set aside your feelings and emotions, stop allowing people to treat you any ole way.

People come in and out of our lives to teach us something. It is always meant to make us grow. The sad part is a lot of individuals cripple themselves by blocking their ability to grow. We learn life lessons from different people and different sources. If you are stuck in the same mindset you don’t allow yourself the opportunity to grow. Trying to hold on to people or things that you should have long let go keeps you stuck!