When you Don’t Love Yourself

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It is apparent to most people, but not apparent to the individual. Most people think they have it all together, however the truth is told in the decisions people make about their lives. People are quick to say they want to know the truth until you give it to them, then they are upset with you.

There are many people in this world who are seeking love and many unfortunately think they’ve found it. My question is how do you know what love is from someone else when if you first don’t love yourself or haven’t really experienced it from anyone?

People focus on receiving love from others, but not on loving self. Other people will treat you exactly how you allow. I don’t care how good you treat someone else people will play with your heart, feelings, and emotions for as long as you allow. Why you may ask? It’s because they too have issues they need to face. If a person don’t know what love is they will accept what they are getting as love.

This is why we see many women and men getting with people who abuse them or kill them. They also abuse or kill their children. This is why we see people getting with individuals who drain them financially, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Again, people do to you what you allow. What they think is love simply is not!

When a person is desperate for love they will do anything to get it. This is a person who doesn’t love his or herself. There’s no way possible a person can love his or herself an allow someone else to mistreat them or their children. No way on earth! People who love self no their worth!

You shouldn’t have to buy love. By the way it’s impossible to buy love, people think they can. They aren’t buying love, they are buying the other person. Stop giving and watch what happens! You shouldn’t have to ever deal with abuse, disrespect, belittling, controlling individuals, obsessed or possessive individuals, or people who cause you or your loved ones harm. None of it signifies love in no kind of way.

A lot of people don’t know what love is, because it’s how they were brought up and unfortunately they got comfortable with it and settled for it. What I mean is as people get older who they choose to become falls on them. We can stay the same or we can choose to change. Point blank! People who do not embrace change carry baggage from one place to another continuing to pile up the drama in their lives and the lives of others.

If a person doesn’t love his or herself they will take and take either until some tragic happen or their eyes become open and they realize the unhappy relationship they are in. If you don’t love yourself people will sense your vulnerability and many will prey on you. Other people can sense when a person is eager in their quest for love. The people who prey have their own issues as well, but the individuals who become involved with them can’t see their issues, because they can’t see their own.

Love is many things, but it’s never abusive, disrespectful, controlling, demanding, obsessive, or possessive. It can’t be brought with money or material things. If you don’t love yourself it’s time to look in the mirror and deal with you! No one can fix you, but you!

Think about why are you allowing someone to treat you the way they are. Think about why you are settling. You will find it starts and ends with you! A person may try one time, but if you love yourself, you will nip it in the bud asap! Don’t allow your feelings and emotions to blind you to the truth. If you do you will always find yourself getting in a bad situation or staying in one. As I always say; face that man or woman in the mirror and accept a change needs to occur!

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WHEN WILL YOU LEARN

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God is first in my life, but unfortunately many don’t believe in Him and unfortunately many claim they have a relationship with Him, yet the way they live their lives tells the true story. Because many don’t believe and because many are straddling the fence, it is the reason I am writing this post. It’s for anyone who can relate or no someone who can relate.

I don’t care what you say or do some people will not make a true change until they are ready. Sometimes it’s painstakingly disheartening when no matter what people learn they will go right out and step in the same pile or a different pile of poo (Metaphorically speaking). People want what they want regardless the pain and suffering it brings. This is the mind of an immature person (spiritually and mentally).

People are constantly signing up for abusive relationships  and are ending up hurt or dead. Yes signing up means getting into them of freewill despite the signs of abuse. Then what gets me is if they survive but are maimed they’re considered as very strong and brave because they tell their stories. No, they should have been brave and told their stories long ago and got out. Senseless, because it NEVER had to get to that point. Love isn’t blind people are and because people are blind to the truth they endure things they never ever should have gone through. The signs are always present in some form or another. Over and over we all have seen both men and women killed by those they are in relationships with. The people who did the hurting or killing didn’t wake up one day and decided to kill or hurt their significant others they always had the tendencies to abuse, but their significant others because of the feelings of their hearts ignored them or simply let the signs pass them by. Instead of getting out before things get too far out of hand, they stay and not only put their own lives in jeopardy, they put others around them in jeopardy as well. We all have heard about other family members and friends being killed or hurt because they’re a part of the circle. Yet no matter how much people see it firsthand, hear about it, see it on TV, or read about in magazines; people are still getting into these types of relationships. (Young and old). Love isn’t abusive in any way.

People are constantly getting into marriages and ending up completely miserable and unhappy, because they didn’t want to get married in the first place. Stop marrying people for the wrong reasons. Stop marrying because of looks, material things, what a person have, because you’re being pressured by (the bride, groom, family, friends, etc), and stop marrying because of a baby. Stop this ignorance, nothing will keep you together but loving one another and being in love. Then you have those who marry knowing that the other person does things they don’t approve of, knowing they’re unevenly yoked, knowing the person is a player, knowing the person can’t stand their parents, knowing they don’t like kids (yet you have kids-what sense does it make), knowing the person love to party a lot but you don’t, knowing there’s plenty of momma and daddy drama, knowing there are all kinds of baggage coming with him or her, and all sorts of foolishness. You marry because you think they will change or you think you can change them. MOST TIMES THEY DON’T! You can’t change anyone but yourself. It’s foolish to think otherwise. Grow up, stop it! You’re causing your own unhappiness.

People are constantly getting into relationships with individuals who are already in relationships, thinking you’re special when in fact you are not that special. To the person you’re cheating with it’s all about him or her and not really about the one they’re cheating with or their significant other. It’s about the individual and what they want. As long as they can get what they want from the both of you they will. Stop allowing a person to play you for a fool. No matter what you’re told; when you know they’re already in a relationship that should be enough to send you on your way. It is plain irresponsible and stupid for you to go along with it. You will only end up in some drama. Stop this nonsense.

People are constantly getting into relationships trying to save people. You meet him or her and they have all kinds of issues such as past drama that has them dysfunctional, drug or alcohol issues, ex cons or those who are plain lazy and aren’t trying to do better, people who have a history of violence, sex offenders, etc. etc. You meet these people and then you fall in what you think is love; UNTIL you end up lost, confused, depressed, trapped, riddled with anxiety and depression, because of all the stress you’re surrounded by on a daily basis. Some people end up so lost they would rather die because they feel it’s their only way out. Why? It’s because they get into relationships trying to save the person they’re with. You can’t do it. I keep telling people a person will straighten up for a while to get you, once they have you if the change wasn’t sincere they will go back to who they really are. Back to the way they were when you met them and how you accepted them. No ones to blame but yourself. What I’m saying is you’re no super hero. You can’t save anyone but yourself, but you can definitely lose your peace of mind trying to save someone you think you love. When people change and it lasts they do it because they really wanted too.

People are still having unprotected sex despite the many venereal diseases are out there (genital warts, herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, genital warts, AIDS, HIV, etc. It’s no game but many are playing Russian roulette with their lives. They don’t take notice until they have something they can’t get rid of or a person they can’t get rid of. They want to kill the person who gave them the disease, but quickly forget they freely participated in the act. When you make these bad decisions unfortunately you get what you get and often it’s not what you really wanted. People are still jumping into bed with this and that person and then using abortions as a form of contraception when the woman becomes pregnant. Anytime you have sex you risk the possibility of anything too include soul tied attachments.

I am going to keep talking about these things and praying someone gets it. Too many put their happiness in the hands of already unhappy people, because they feel they love the person when in fact most times they don’t really know the person, know his or herself, or know anything about love. When individuals continue to do this, it’s a clear sign they too are unhappy.

This wasn’t written to spare feelings and thoughts. It’s written to share the truth. Everyday people are finding themselves in tough situations. Unfortunately they are situations they didn’t ever have to be in. Forget about the people you’re with (they’re only doing to you what you allow). Look at yourself and understand the problem starts with you. Why? Because of the decisions you continue to make. You can’t blame someone else for a decision you made (getting into mess or staying in mess). By continuing to get into the same type of situations with the same person or different people IT IS YOU that you must fix! It’s time to step back and work on you before you take another step forward. I pray blessings to you and you!!

WHEN THE HEART LEADS

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Yes, here I go again. No matter how many times it’s discussed, people are still allowing their hearts to lead them into devastation. Of course when entering into a new relationship you will feel something for the person you’re with. However, if you’re only going by what you’re feeling, you may be lead astray. People don’t get it, because they’re being completely blindside by their feelings. Regardless of it all to them it feels good and it’s all they think of and desire. The thoughts of the immature who don’t have the wisdom or understanding to see the truth; when they want someone, their thoughts are centered around the person. The more feelings they develop for the person; the more they will desire to be with and around them.

This is why when many FINALLY wake up they find themselves in awful relationships. They find themselves in loveless, abusive, controlling, etc relationships where they’ve lost all control. It’s because they allowed their hearts to lead. They’re completely blind when it comes to love. To hear or read the saying “follow the heart is beautiful” but it’s not the whole truth. You can’t follow the heart and be on point if you’re not in the correct frame of mind. This means you must have true understanding of what is going on and be able to see the truth and know it as the truth. This takes growth and maturity. Unfortunately some people never grasp this reality. Many wonder why they keep going through bad relationships and awful breakups, it’s because they keep doing it the same way over and over. They continue to allow their hearts to lead.

When you meet someone, if it’s someone you’re attracted to and interested in you will have these thoughts and feelings of that individual. This is normal. Once you begin to spend time getting to know the person you will begin to see signs of the truth. People make mistakes at this point. They see the person and instead of looking at the entire picture, they’re stuck on what they’re feeling or see with their natural eyes. I guarantee you if people were able to disengage after seeing what they’re dealing with isn’t representation of a healthy relationship they could save themselves from turmoil down the road.

A lot of people want to say “they didn’t know or they never saw the signs.” This isn’t true. I don’t care how subtle they may be, there are ALWAYS signs. No matter how a person try to hide the truth, the truth shows in some form or another. The problem is the person on the receiving end dismisses the truth because of what they’re thinking and feeling about the other person. It’s all about passion and wanting to be in the company of that person.

Early on, although there will be feelings involved but, if people would look at what is happening as they’re getting to know the person they’re involved with, it could change the whole course of the relationship. Unfortunately most don’t. They simply go with what their feeling. This is the wrong way to build any relationship.

Relationships must be built on SOLID foundations. When foundations are SOLID relationships bloom into beautiful healthy relationships. I must admit I’ve known a few people who were a mess and later in life they made a change. This is absolutely wonderful, however I don’t recommend anyone going further into rocky/bad/unhealthy relationships in hopes of the person changing, because this may NEVER be the case. How you start is VERY indicative of how you will end.

There are countless women who are in bad situations with all signs of it being bad. They’re mistreated, abused, spoken to badly, disrespected, controlled, ostracized from family and friends, but they stay and many married these men. Early on they continue in these relationships because they think they’re in love. They’re going off of what they feel and not on what they see and are experiencing. These women stay for many reasons and everyone of them comes from past experiences and the wrong way of thinking, feeling, and reacting to those past experiences. Unfortunately some never make it out, because they die at the hands of the one they love. Many get out only to go back. Despite of it all many are still being lead by their hearts and distorted ways of thinking.

Society only talks about women who are in these relationships, but the truth be told there are many men who are in these types of relationships as well. The truth of who a person is lies within and it has no gender or color. Who we really are comes from a lot of things, but the bottom line of it all it derives from how we perceive and think about things. This is what causes the feelings and actions we feel and display when it comes to those we love.

I’ve talked to countless of suicidal people who are so distraught about their relationships and other things to a point of where they want to take their own lives. They feel they can’t go on without the person they love so much. This is disheartening because a person such as this has allowed their distorted ways of thinking and the feelings to go along with it; to render them hopeless. These types of individuals don’t realize they’re feeling this way because of what’s going on inside of them and not necessarily because of the other person. They’re projecting what they feel outward in thinking it’s because of the other person, but in truth it’s because of who they are as an individual. Too many bad thoughts and feelings leads to bad actions.

Millions in this world allow themselves to be in unhealthy relationships all because they are mislead by distorted ways of thinking which leads to misguided feelings which often leads to things they didn’t bargain for. My prayer is that people deal with their issues first before entering into relationships. If a person enter into a relationship out of desperation and other distorted ways of thinking, the consequences of their actions may be detrimental. These types of people are lead by their ways of thinking and the feelings developed from those distorted thoughts.

There’s a millions scenarios I could write about on this very subject, but the fact remains, people still don’t get it. That’s the sad part. Many people haven’t gotten the understanding in order to see the truth. It takes soul seeking to really look at oneself. If things aren’t going right in your life, don’t look at the other person; look at yourself. Seek out why you’re the way you are and deal with it. This is how you grow and mature.

WHAT’S YOUR ANGER REALLY ABOUT

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There are many people who are so full of anger and rage. No one goes from 0 to 10 people only think they do. It’s because they don’t take that extra moment to think before they re-act. People have literally lost their lives and freedom due to uncontrollable anger. Anger has a cycle, which means no one goes from 0 to 10 right away. There is a lot of research on the anger cycle. I will give you what I believe to be true after dealing with so many angry people over the years. Some who have killed others and those who have killed themselves.

I believe it all begins from thoughts that are either repressed or thoughts that are constantly there on the surface. I believe people’s anger starts with negative thoughts of past events regardless of what they are. People either suppress the thoughts which contributes to their anger issues or they allow the thoughts to constantly keep them in a state of agitation, which is now a way of life for them. In a sense although some people go off at the drop of a dime it’s still because of thoughts they keep going back to and are held captive by.

The thoughts bring about the agitiation, frustration, irritation. Again people have the opportunity to cool off by walking away or doing something to take their minds off of what’s causing the increased frustration or irritation. When they don’t it goes into anger, because of the feelings they are experiencing from the frustration they’re feeling. At this some if it’s not controlled here comes the rage. Again, people always have a choice to cool off, but most won’t. They will go on to do something stupid that changes their lives forever and the lives of others. This is why we see so much road rage and senseless killings. People don’t have patience or love, because they have dark hearts, they’re like lost souls. They go around popping off every single chance they get. They have no self control because they are filled with bitterness.

Some people don’t want to learn how to control their anger because they’ve grown familiar with the sensation they receive from it. For some, believe it or not it’s a way of controlling others. It’s a way to be dominant over someone. They’re angry and they don’t care how they make others feel. This is a distorted way of thinking. Some angry people like the fact they scare others when they become angry basically causing others to submit to do whatever it is they want them to do.

Sometimes when those who are with angry people FINALLY stand up to the angry individual in a firm but non-violent way, it changes the angry person’s behavior. It kind of shocks them. These are the ones who use anger as an excuse. These are the people who know without a doubt they have the control factor thing going on when they explode. In my experience and opinion in a way it’s a form of bullying. These are the ones who are aware of what they’re doing and can be calmed much easier.

On the other hand there are those who are angry and seem to go completely out of their minds when they’re angry. Some claim to become so angry they black out. These are individuals who have no sense of where their anger is coming from and they are oblivous to their behaviors during their episodes. They fly off and do things they later regret. They do things such as kill people, cause fights everywhere they go, hurt others, or often kill themselves.

These are the ones who don’t think at all before they act out. They lose control and sometimes it takes a lot to cool them down and sometimes they don’t until they’ve done something bad. When they become angry they don’t hear to reason. These types of individuals have ruin friendships with others and marriages. They’ve lost jobs and all sorts of things because they can’t control their anger.

I believe everything we encounter starts with our thought processes. We’ve all gone through something in life that wasn’t by choice; things that shouldn’t not have happened and we wished hadn’t happened. Some things unimaginable and tragic. Unfortunately it’s life and no one, I mean no one is exempt from tragedies life can bring.

As humans some of us allow those events to change us forever and in ways that are harmful to others and to one’s self. People hold on to too much garbage over things that happened to them as children, teenagers, and adults. They never resolve these issues and continue to go through life building on what’s already there. People are living off of fumes of their past events. It’s like the fumes from gas it can be fatal. A person may not die physically but they kill their souls by holding on to things that occurred long ago and choosing to continue to re-live those events for a life time sabotaging and destroying everything in their path. It’s very sad.

People cannot move forward if they continue to carry loads of past pains. It literally stagnates and bogs them down. They become not only angry, but depressed, suicidal, homicidal, full of worry and anxiety, stressed easily, and more. All of it causes the body, mind, and soul to become weak. It messes with our spiritual bodies. It throws us off center leaving people feeling not quite right. It’s like a hormonal woman when everything is out of whack we are not quite ourselves. It’s exactly how out of control people are. They have all kinds of things festering inside, because they don’t let go of anything. Instead they continue to compile things on top of a pile of mess already there. You end up with a person who “can’t see the forest from the trees.”

They become people who don’t take kindly to the views of others and anything that doesn’t quite go along with their way of thinking is wrong in their eyes. These people are rude to their significant others and others around them. They have a nonchalant no care attitude about most things.

The way we process things (any thing no matter how tragic) is how we will respond to it. If a person has allowed everything they considered bad to fester inside of them it means they’re still thinking about it. If they’re still thinking about it what they’re doing is re-living the bad thoughts and feelings linked to it. They never worked through their feelings or got help on how to release and let go of the negative thoughts. It’s all thoughts, the actual events are over. All that’s left is memories and they can fade if people stop making it a lifetime habit to keep going back to those memories.

Remaining angry for a lifetime or any amount of time takes too much energy. It drains you. It changes you in a negative way. It causes people to become ugly and dark inside. These types of people causes chaos in their other relationships and marriages.

It may sound unbelievable or ridiculous to you, but I believe there’s nothing in life a person can endure that they should allow it to ruin their entire life. Events come and they go. Once they go they’re gone forever. We’re the ones who holds on to the memories of what the events caused in our lives. Unfortunately many allow it to leave them with thoughts and feelings that contols and fuels their entire existence. No one on earth has to live such a miserable life.

It’s alright to feel the affects of something awful, but it’s not alright to allow it to ruin your life or change you into a mean spirited and angry person. That’s a choice. Some of these people see the hurt and pain they bring into the lives of others, but they don’t care, because they’re feeling hurt and pain from old events.

It’s the thoughts and the thoughts along that has people trapped. Think about it, if a person had no thoughts of it, there wouldn’t be an issue. Right or wrong? We all have memories that pop in our heads, but it’s like any other memory if you keep allowing the memory/ies to continue to play around in your head, you begin to feel some kind of way about them. Then before a person knows it they’re mentally right back in that moment. This is what many people do and it’s why they can’t move forward, because they’re stuck in what has happened long ago.

Please let it go. It’s over! No matter the pain. I can truly say it from my heart. I’ve gone through things unthinkable at the hands of many people throughout my life. Guess what, I don’t know why, but even as a child God made me strong. I hurt sometimes like everyone else, because I’m flesh and bone with feelings. However, I let nothing stay deposited in my brain that pulls me down. I refuse too. Every single thing I went through was something I learned from. Although bad, it taught me a lot.

The biggest and greatest thing learned is that people aren’t always who they present themselves to be. Also, when a person hurts another person, it’s because someone at some point has hurt them. The sad part is they inflict pain on others, because pain is what they’re used too. Many walk around filled with hurt and anger ALL because they won’t let go of old events. These people continue to hurt themselves by not letting go. Some are wonderful people, but they are so familiar with the thoughts and feelings it’s all they know and they hold on to them (no matter how bad).

This is why we see so much senseless killings. Look at the latest the young guy in California. The reasons he gave were ridiculous to some of us. Not having sex or a girlfriend and he was 22. That’s major was major to him, because of how he let it play in his head. However, the reasons behind it were much deeper. This child wasn’t happy inside. He was full of pain and it went much deeper than girls. Not only this young man, but we have seen and heard these types of tragedies time and time again. It’s because people allow all of the negativity to play around in their heads. “If you keep playing with fire you’ll eventually get burned.” These types of individuals get to a no care point of no return. All because of the thoughts and feelings they’ve had festering inside. You never ever know what someone is carrying inside or how they’re truly feeling.

It’s not easy to learn how to let go, but it’s possible to do so. When people constantly ponder on negative thoughts (memories), in order to change how they think they must be aware of what they’re thinking. It’s an absolute must! You must be conscious of what your thinking. When your mind takes you back, bring yourself out of that thought first by realizing you’re having it and second by acknowledging it is negative. You MUST be consistent when doing this. The ONLY way a change will occur is when you want to change.

If you’re this way aren’t you tired of the pain you’ve caused yourself and others for so long? Today, right now, because right now is all we have tomorrow isn’t promised. Make a decision to change. You can do it if you truly want to. If you keep thinking it’s too hard, it’s NOT, it’s all in your mind. It ONLY feels hard, because you’re doing something new. Don’t get discouraged. It’s time to take control of your life. I pray you do it today.

People don’t want to be around angry folks. Yes your significant others, family, friends, and others do not like to be around you angry man/angry woman. It’s not fair to them or yourself how you’ve allowed things you experienced to ruin your current relationships. All the pain you’ve experienced you can let it go.

I pray to God that you realize your life can go in a millisecond OR the person you love the most life can be gone just as quick. Don’t go another day being angry. You won’t EVER forget what you went through, but the memories will fade in a way that it won’t hurt anymore, but you have to be willing to release those negative thoughts and when you do watch how good you feel. Watch how your relationships with others will change.

When individuals are in relationships and marriages with angry people it’s disheartening. People don’t want to be abused or mistreated by someone they love, because he or she has anger issues over something that has nothing to do with them or the relationship. It’s not fair and it’s hurtful to the ones who love you. No one wants to be with someone who’s controlling, obsessive, abusive, possessive all because of what’s festering inside for a lifetime

Make a decision to let it go today, YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!