What you Allow Tells the Truth About you

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Although this can affect all facets of a person’s life, I am right back on the subject of people in abusive relationships. In the past two weeks I’ve heard of 2 women and 1 man dying at the hands of their significant others.

I’ve said and written countless times if you’re too afraid to leave you’ve stayed too long. If you feel trapped, you’ve stayed too long. Too many people continue to get into abusive relationships.

I believe what people accept and allow in their lives indicates who they really are. It shows a lot about the individual. People can pretend all day the truth shows in the decisions and bad choices people make.

No one is exempt! This happens to rich and famous as well as all races and genders. The only exempt people are those who have matured to a point of understanding who they are and loving self. These people will NOT allow just any ole person into their lives. They want what is best for them. They do NOT allow their hearts to lead without using their brains at the same time. They know what feels good isn’t necessarily good for them. They know “everything glitters isn’t gold.” They know people say one thing, but will do another. They aren’t led or influenced into relationships by their feelings, because they have learned to walk away from anything that is potentially unhealthy for them. It’s something people learn to do when they learn from their past choices and decisions, when they figure out and work on self, and when they learn to love self enough to demand better for self.

Many people are full of baggage they’ve carried for years which has caused them insecurities to include low esteem and low self confidence. The problem is people are in denial. Most people think they have it together, but if they would step away from their feelings and look at the truth they will see they don’t. People need to step out of their feelings into the truth. The truth hurts, because it’s the truth. The truth shows us the real deal whether it’s accepted or not.

Many people choose to get into and stay into unhealthy relationships because they are looking for love. They think by being with someone they will have love and security. You can’t find something in someone you don’t have in yourself. When people do this they are left with more heartaches and pains then before they entered into their relationships. They are totally blind by their perceptions of the truth. Their self esteem and confidence is very low and they normally are full of self blame. They lie and try to hide the abuse they endure and the take the blame many times when they are publicly abused.

All of this allowance and acceptance is due to what people feel about self. They don’t think they deserve better. They accept the wrong people into their lives. They desperately want love, when they obviously don’t know what love is, and when they don’t even love self.

When entering into relationships people must know what they need above what they want and the difference between the two. If you don’t know the difference research it and then think about it. In relationships getting what you want is based mostly on feelings of the heart (sex, money, looks, statuses of people, material things). None of it will hold a relationship together and none of it makes a person into who you wish for them to be. People are led by their feelings and emotions. They want what makes them feel good instead of what is good for them. This has led many into abusive relationships with deadly consequences for many.

Stop thinking it’s love when a person wants constant controlling tabs on you, when they tell you what to wear, when they tell you where you can and can’t go, when they ostracize you from others, when they want to control your time, when you can’t do anything without them being present, when they (push, spit on, hit you in any form) you, when they are very disrespectful in how they speak to you while alone or in public, or when they have total control over the relationship. There are many other things abusive people will do, NONE of it is love. They are displaying dangerous warning signs.

There is a difference between loving and caring for a person’s well being versus trying to control a person in obsessive and possessive ways. It is NOT love! People who do this has deep seated issues. Those who accept and allow it also has their own deep seated issues. There are ALWAYS signs, I don’t care if they’re subtle or not, they are always present. Love isn’t blind, people are blind in what they think is love.

Many people get caught up in their feelings. They think what they feel is real. They think what they feel is good for them. How do you know what’s good for you when you don’t know what love is and you don’t love yourself enough to adhere to what’s NOT good for you? People who are searching for love grab and hold on to anything making them feel good, even when it’s not good. They are blind by those feelings and emotions. They oftentimes make excuses for their abusers. They don’t understand this is enabling and giving their abusers the green light to continue abusing them. It has NOTHING to do with love.

When a person doesn’t know their worth outwardly they make act differently, but inside they are full of insecurities coming to the surface. It shows through the allowances and acceptances in their lives. A person can fake and pretend all day, but the truth shows. As I stated earlier NO ONE is exempt. Until people wake up they will continue to get into and stay in abusive relationships. Unfortunately many will continue to die at their hands of their significant others.

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If you Accept it you Chose it

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The post is written about people who are in relationships and accepting whatever in the name of what they think is love. Many people are in relationships never meant for them to be in. I’m currently working on a book about this. I know many before me have written on the topic and many will write about it when I’m long gone. I feel it’s time I put my opinion about it in writing. I pray someone somewhere will learn something.

It’s terrible to see people in bad relationships. Unfortunately and sadly it is a personal choice of freewill. Many people choose bad relationships due to their own insecurities derived from a host of unresolved issues. If an issue isn’t resolved it leads to other problems.

In my opinion and without a doubt people get into relationships and miss all of the important signs telling them to proceed with cautious or RUN! They think they have the power to change the other person when they can’t even change self. Does it make any sense???? First of all, if you feel it’s necessary to change someone else, then you’re at least somewhat aware there is potential for a problem to occur. Why move forward???? This is a sign straight from the start. Sadly many continue in their relationships knowing full well something isn’t right.

Sometimes I look at people and literally want to shake them to wake them up. They are caught up in their feelings about the other person and it has them totally blind. Many are disrespected, neglected, rejected, disconnected, and subjected to all kinds of things. They take and accept things from the ones they love that they themselves would never do to them.

Some people feel the person they’re with deserves the best from them, therefore they do any and everything to please the individual. However, in the midst of it they receive the worst from the individual. It makes no sense at all. Never choose to be mistreated. If you accept it, you chose it! There are no and’s, if’s, or but’s about it!

The best recommendation I can give in this situation is to STOP it before it STARTS! Too many find themselves in loveless, unhappy, and unhealthy relationships because they failed to adhere to the many signs in the beginning. Instead of treading the water they jumped right into the deep end without a clue how to swim. Later feeling pulled under and drowning due to their bad choices and decisions.

When you meet someone you’re interested in, before losing your mind, use your brain! How you start any relationship is indicative to how it will end. If you get with a person who is abusive they will certainly eventually beat you whether mentally, emotionally, or physically. If you get with a person who is already in a relationship with someone else he or she is a cheater and eventually they will cheat on you. If you get with a person who has no ambition or goals don’t expect for him or her to change, so don’t make it a problem later. If you get with a person who is into immoral things, when it becomes a problem later, remember you chose it. If you get with someone who’s beliefs are different from yours, it’s what you chose. You can’t save no one, but yourself. You can’t change no one but yourself. I can go on for days with examples.

Bottom line and the moral to it all is you can’t change ANYONE else. You may inspire someone to want to change, but the individual is the one who makes the change happen, NOT YOU! Many people have changed temporarily to get what they wanted and then reverted back to who they really are. Why? It’s because they aren’t ready for real change. It can’t be forced. If you’re struggling with trying to change someone else, the real struggle should be with changing yourself.

If you get into a relationship being led solely by what you’re thinking and feelings about the person and not looking at the big picture, I guarantee you that you will later regret it. Get out of your feelings and see the truth for what it is. Most times people are stuck on how they are feeling about the other person; dismissing what the other person’s actions are saying how they feel about them.

YOU SEE NO CHANGE, BECAUSE YOU’VE MADE NO CHANGE

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If you read my posts, you know that I am always trying to provide words of encouragement, clarity, information, enlightenment, or simply to empower someone to think about their life and/or situation and consider change. None of us can move forward if we keep looking behind or if we continue to willfully choose to remain stuck. Too many people make bad choices but they expect good outcomes. Life doesn’t work that way.

No matter how much individuals read or hear they will continue to make bad choices/decisions in the name of love. People won’t accept the truth until they’re forced too. They’re forced to when their situations have gotten too bad for them to deal with and they finally see the truth and are willing to accept it. No one should have to be beat down (physically or emotionally). When you are it’s all a personal choice. Yes, you read it correctly; you’ve made a personal choice to be where you are.

Everything is about choices. Sometimes in life we’re put in situations beyond our control, but it’s still a personal choice as to how we deal with any situation. It’s also a personal choice to stay where we are. The sad truth is many people haven’t yet matured and don’t really have a clue who they are or what they need in their lives. Yet, they’re constantly making bad decisions concerning love when they don’t know what it is or know who they are as individuals. Most are still dealing with past issues that have them mentally imprisoned. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you have if you haven’t dealt with your inner issues it ALWAYS shows in the decisions you make. We’ve see it in people of all statuses and positions (rich and poor).

So many in this world accept anything and give all of themselves in the name of love; even when it’s clear the love is one-sided. If you’re with someone who claims to love you, how they really feel will always show in their treatment towards you. I don’t know how many times I have to say it or how many times I have to write it, but I will continue to do so. When an individual ignore this, it means this is an individual who has insecurities they truly need to deal with. If a person doesn’t deal with those insecurities those things will affect their every decision in life.

Thoughts, feelings, actions is what controls us. Who we really are lies dormant until we’ve learned this is true about all of us and make decisions to change. We have to mature in all of our ways. We have to accept who we are and where we are in life. If it’s not a good place, we have to make conscious decisions to do something about it. The real problem is people don’t want to face who they really are; instead they continue to  hide, fake, and pretend in hopes no one finds out the truth. You cannot fix something about yourself if you don’t first face it. That’s the bottom line.

Instead of first working on the inner man, people seek out things in other people when they’re still screwed up inside. This is why millions are so unhappy in their relationships. Many simply settle just so they can say they have someone. The saying is a bold lie “someone is better than no one at all.” If you don’t deal with who you are so that someday you can present to the world the real you how do you think you can affectively develop a healthy relationship with someone else? You will only drag all of the same issues along with you from relationship to relationship. You will continue to accept anything and many of you will not find peace and happiness no matter who you’re with.

People are stuck and stagnant for many reasons and EVERY last one is an excuse to stay there AND a personal choice to stay there. All of the mess inside spills out and shows in the bad decisions people make. It shows in how people allow others to treat them, what they accept/allow, and how they treat themselves. Your lives will stay the same if you keep doing the same things. You may move from situation to situation or relationship to relationship, but you will always deal with the same issues if there’s no permanent change. The fixing starts with the individual; not anything or anyone else.

HOW YOU’RE TREATED SAYS A LOT, BUT YOU’RE TOO WORRIED ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL TO NOTICE

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Let me first say; whether you accept it for what it is or not, how a person feels about you will ALWAYS show in his or her actions towards you. Please make NO mistake about it and please stop accepting it! Stop going solely off of how you feel about someone; you must realize, accept and understand how the other person feels about you! No matter how you feel it won’t change how THEY feel. How they REALLY feel will always show in their actions towards you.

Too many people continue to get into and stay in BAD, UNHEALTHY relationships based on their own personal feelings. Too caught up in their own emotions to see the truth for what it is. This way of thinking will until the end of time lead people into making bad decisions. People must gain control over their emotions, which is what their being lead by. People get too overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings, and then they can’t see past it all to the truth.

If a person would take a moment and reflect; moments to examine their relationship or what they call a relationship they could see the truth. To examine the relationship you’re in you MUST get your emotions in check. I keep hampering on emotions and feelings, because they are what leads millions into very dangerous waters. However, if you step out of your own way, you will be able to see the real deal.

I don’t care how much you THINK you love someone if they don’t love you back, you need to wake up. If they talk to you any kind of way that is abuse and disrespect. If they abuse you in any way; one way is no greater or less than the other. Abuse is abuse; period! Stop trying to sugarcoat it and/or cover it up. Doing that NEVER fixes the situation. It only keeps you in that bad situation.

A real man or woman will NOT mistreat, disrespect, abuse, cheat on, hurt, harm, etc. etc.; the one they truly love. One who has the mind of an immature version will. I get sick, sick, sick of hearing “a man will be a man.” That’s ridiculous. What is even more ridiculous is many men and women believe what society says about men. Immature men want sex just like immature women, because it’s what they’re into. Both are also very focused on how someone looks, so they are fixated on the physical part of a person (booty, chest, boobs, eyes, hair, legs, etc. Grown and mature men and women understands this isn’t  the main focus of a healthy relationship.

Do you know when you’re in a relationship; it’s important to have your emotions in check, because you MUST be able to really understand how you’re treated? If you’re all caught up in your feelings, you’re going to be messed up and I guarantee you that more than likely you’ll end up hurt. I challenge any person on the face of the earth, to step back and think about their current relationship or any previous one. Think about how you’re treated or was treated. Focus on what you’re getting from the relationship, focus on the communication between the two of you, focus on their  interaction with you. If you accept it for what it is there you will find the truth!! You can deny it all day, but the truth will stare you in the face!

I am very sure of what I’ve written to be true. I’ve seen it over and over again. It’s always the same situations, but different people. I’ve been many places overseas and in country and I’m telling you, I’ve seen it over and over again.

People must wake up! Take responsibility of your own lives and STOP putting it in the hands of others who can’t figure their own lives out. If a person doesn’t know what they want for his or herself, you think they will be able to give you what you need? NO! They can manipulate you into believing that they can, but they can’t and it will eventually show. Sad part is they know you better than you know yourself, because they have figured out your weakness and insecurities and will play you to get what they want. Many people get bamboozled because they’re going solely off of what they’re feeling and completely ignoring how they’re being treated. It’s foolish and it’s time to wake up!!!

Stop blaming him or her; they’re doing what they do. It is YOU who need to work on you. You have to deal with why you are allowing yourself to get deeper into an unhealthy relationship or to remain in a relationship where you’re not receiving what you really need. A person can say they love you all day long, but the truth always shows in how they treat you. People can only pretend for so long before the truth is revealed. Please stop ignoring this truth and please stop allowing your emotions to keep you tied to someone who isn’t tied to you.

YOU’VE HEARD IT TIME AND TIME AGAIN

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I found someone I know well in a dilemma that she willfully put herself in. It made me want to write about it and other things people are constantly doing, despite of the drama it causes. Many of the posts I have written are related in some sense or another. It’s because I’m trying to encourage, empower, motivate, or provide some type of knowledge. I talk relentlessly about things, but I realize no matter how much I write about it, many will not get it and many will not care or change their ways.

This is to my sister’s of all nationalities and ages. If you take in a guy who can’t rub two pennies together and who don’t have motivation or ambition to do anything; that is your fault. Don’t cry and complain because you’re pulling all of the weight. You cannot get water from a dry well. The fact that he’s cute and good in bed is neither here nor there. If you’re with someone yet you’re going around asking people for money because you’re short on your bills, that’s your fault and it’s a shame. You put yourself in that situation. Don’t be mad at anyone when they don’t want to help you support someone who isn’t doing anything for you and who is only taking from you. You can’t get anywhere if you continue to let someone hold you back and take everything you have and have worked to get. Get your act together and understand that if you don’t care what you let someone do to you, they won’t care what they do. A real man will love and care for his woman, not use her.

a. You’re moving in scums and bums! Some of you are moving in known sex offenders and abusers. Please stop this nonsense!

#2. My sister’s you do not have to show all that you have in order to be attractive or sexy. You don’t have to walk around in skin tight clothes or clothes that reveal everything you have IN ORDER to be considered attractive. You don’t have to have your boobs hanging out for everyone to see, we all know you have them. I don’t care how beautiful a woman is, if she has to do all of this, she clearly has issues. I don’t care how confident a woman CLAIMS to be, by doing this her actions shows something else. She’s trying to make a statement which goes beyond self confidence. In truth she has insecurities. Some of you may not agree and that’s fine. No woman has to reveal all she has to show how attractive she is and in fact a woman of true confidence will also have self respect. She knows she doesn’t have to dress in that way. Take it or leave, the choice is yours.

a. Men some of you dress no better. Your pants hanging down off of your butt isn’t attractive AT ALL! No one wants to see the crack of your butt. It’s nasty and disgusting.

#3 Men and women. If you’re in a relationship, whether married or not, you shouldn’t be trying to get into a relationship on the side. Men and women who are still going off of the deep end because of how someone looks (booty, boobs, body; period) are very shallow and immature. To mess up what you have over a piece of butt is plain stupid. If you’re not happy at home then leave, but STOP cheating. Grow up! Stop committing knowing full well you’re not ready to do so. Those of you who are married, if you’re not ready to be a faithful spouse stop saying I DO, when you know YOU DON’T! You know you wouldn’t want to be cheated on, so why do you cheat? It’s a sign that you have issues within yourself that you need to work out and until you do, STOP messing with the hearts of those you claim to love. It’s obvious you don’t love yourself. If you don’t know how to love yourself, you can’t be the person you should be to your significant other. A cheater will cheat no matter how good his or her significant other are.

#4 Men and women. You CAN’T change anyone no matter how much you love them, how much you try, or how much you pray or wish they would change. Stop getting into relationships; putting up with straight bull, because you think you have the power to change your significant other. YOU DON’T! Trust me your love isn’t enough. A person may choose to change, but it will be either because they will do it temporarily or they have realized it’s time they change. Either way it will be their decision NOT yours. When will you learn? Most of you end up heartbroken and in unhappy relationships.

#5 Men and women. Stop allowing yourselves to be mistreated and abused. Stop making excuses for the actions of those who supposedly love you. Stop making excuses for why you accept this type of treatment. It is not love and nothing and no one is worth it! A person who can’t be by his or herself is an unhappy person. Deal with yourself and the issues plaguing you which has caused you to constantly find yourselves in unhealthy relationships. People can see weaknesses in others and they will prey on you. An abuser  will do what they have to do to get you and once they do that’s it. They’re queens and kings of manipulation. They are clever! Many people find themselves in situations they didn’t plan on being in. People keep finding themselves in these types of situations when signs of who the other person was were shown long before their relationships got serious. Yet people choose to continue in these unhealthy relationships. The next thing they know they’re in situations they can no longer handle. Many lives have been lost due to bad decisions to remain in abusive relationships. Sadly people are still doing it. Why? It’s because of inner issues they need to deal with. People are so desperate for love they are willing to put up with any and everything to include all forms of abuse. LOVE IS NOT BLIND, PEOPLE ARE!

#6 . Let go of what is no longer happening to you. If someone has hurt you but you’re no longer going through that situation; let it go. People are continuing to be affected because consciously or subconsciously they’re holding on to whatever happened. Years continue to go by, but many of you are still in the same frame of mind. You’ve sabotaged your lives and relationships with others. Many of you are cursing God over your unwillingness to forgive, let go, and move on. You’re bitter, angry, and upset over something that is over. It is you who is hurting you by refusing to let go of what is done and over. I know there was pain, but what you’re feeling are residuals of the memories you refuse to let go of. I know I’ve been there! Things can change if you would be willing to forgive those who’ve hurt you and forgive yourself for holding on to unnecessary pain. It’s your choice to make. I pray you make it and stop ruining your lives, the lives of the children you’re bringing into this world, and the lives of others around you.

I can go on for days, but I won’t. God’s will; it’s about to be 2015. I challenge you to look at your lives. If you’re still going through the same stuff, dealing with the same situations, or in the same ole mess, IT’S TIME FOR A CHANGE! First I recommend Jesus. If you can give scums and bums a chance; surely you can give the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords one. If you can look for love in all of the wrong places; surely you can try looking in the right place for once; which is to God and His Son Jesus! Trust, Him, try Him! He will teach you how to love yourself and then you will be in better frames of mind to love others. You’ll no longer allow and accept all of the nonsense you’ve willfully allowed into your lives. That’s my prayer for you, you, and you!

THINKING THINGS THROUGH

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A whole lot of people mess up when it comes to thinking things through by NOT taking the time to do so. People are too fixated on “right now.” They want what they want, they want it right now, and they don’t care what they have to do to get it. People fail to take serious what the repercussions of their actions may bring. They act out on things knowing full well they’re taking risks. When a person make decisions without thinking they will suffer the consequences of their own doings.

Many people make the dumbest decisions! The first thing people like to do is call them mistakes, they aren’t EVER mistakes, they’re bad choices/decisions. They risk their lives over sex by jumping into bed with a beauty only to get out with a BEAST (some form of disease or with a person who turned out to be everything THEY DIDN’T EXPECT). They risk their careers and all they’ve worked hard for over sex. They risk their marriages and other relationships over sex. All because they didn’t think things through. All it takes is a moment to think of what the repercussions or consequences your actions could cause you.

I’m not going to make sex the only topic in this post, but I did want to mention it in particular, because so many people of their own free will fall into the sex trap. Both men and women act as if they can’t control their urges when the truth is they can if they wanted to. To think of the problems it could potentially cause should be enough to keep people from being lead by their loins, but unfortunately it’s not. The person you risk it all to be with may look better, the sex may last longer, or feel better, but the bottom line is it’s still SEX and it’s NOT worth anyone ruining relationships, careers, or lives over.

People jump into so many bad situations without taking the time to think. Lives are changed forever simply because people don’t take an extra moment to think things through. It doesn’t matter what the situation; when a person don’t take the time to think things through there’s no one to blame but his or herself. People seem to care ONLY when they’re in trouble for whatever it is they’ve done. By then it’s TOO LATE; the damage has been done.

All of the old sayings are true “you can’t judge a book by it’s cover, everything that glitters isn’t gold, and because it looks good doesn’t mean it’s good for you.” It’s NO JOKE; this is for real! Stop doing things that are costing you your jobs, families, careers, lives, and/or freedom. Nothing is worth it when “it’s all said and done.”

A lot of marriages could be saved if people would think before they do things they can’t UNDO. I’m not singling out infidelity. However, it is a HUGE PROBLEM in relationships. I’m talking anything (the way you talk, the things you say, the things you do, etc, etc). Start taking time to think about how you speak to your loved ones. Take the time to think about how you treat them or what you’re saying to them (especially in anger). THINK BEFORE YOU GET ANGRY IN THE FIRST PLACE!

This topic spreads across many situations in people’s lives not only marriages and other relationships. It spills over into jobs, people are making bad decisions to take part in scams, stealing from their businesses or the public. Individuals or making bad decisions to steal from the federal government claiming things they know aren’t true. People are lying to get what they want, period no matter the risks taken! People make bad decisions to drive under the influence or get into the cars with someone who’s under the influence and because of it people have lost their lives or became forever maimed.

People have to get to a point where their morals, values, integrity, honesty, loyalty, etc.. keeps them from doing the wrong things. This is why AT ALL TIMES it’s important to be conscious of what you’re thinking and of what you’re doing. The more you do this, you will be more conscious of right and wrong. Don’t go along with wrong for no one and for goodness sakes stop willfully partaking in wrong. A lot of the problems people find themselves in are situations that could have been avoided if they took the time to think things through.

Look at all of the people who have harmed others in the heat of anger. Those life changing moments could have been avoided had they took the time to think things through. Such unnecessary loss of control. I could name hundreds of things that would fall into the category of consequences or repercussions people face all due to the fact they don’t take the time to think things through. Once you do it, it’s done. Once you say it, it’s said. You can’t take things back nor can you re-do them. At any given moment ALL you have is that moment. Make what you do matter!! Take the time to think before you take ANY actions (speaking or doing). If you don’t you could very well change the entire course of your life and start down a road you never intended to be on. It’s up to you!!

SOME REASONS MARRIAGES DON’T LAST

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I wanted to talk a little about this. In my opinion I believe the main reason this happens is because some people shouldn’t be together in the first place. People get together and marry for many reasons. How a couple get together is also very important (adultery, the hookup, online dating, etc..etc). Some reasons people marry are: They’re pressured into it or feel obligated, they allow their hearts to lead them wrong by going solely on the emotions they’re feeling, they allow good sex to cause them to lose focus (they’re sold on it), they allow other people such as family and friends to persuade them it’s time, they allow pregnancy to force them into it, they allow their biological clocks to drive them to do it, they allow circumstances such as deploying overseas to push them to hurry and marry, some people go off of how a person look and what they have to offer to drive them to marriage. I can go on and on. Bottom line is often times it won’t last. If people marry for any reason other than loving and being in love with one another they will have a hard time making it work.

A solid foundation is absolutely key for any healthy and lasting relationship. The problem is most couples don’t have this when they marry nor do they know how to communicate to get one. I believe the foundation surrounds God, communication, and being in love. However some people don’t believe in God, so they have to go on communication, love, and being in love. There has to be a solid foundation. Sex, money, family, friends, a child, status, good looks, etc, etc. None of it will keep a marriage together if the couple aren’t in love and able to effectively communicate.

Communication helps love to flourish and grow. Communication is a major key. If a couple don’t communicate their relationship is bound to fail sooner or later. Many couples live together, but aren’t in love.They’re doing their own individual things and living under the same roofs like roommates. They’re separated in the home and oth are unhappy, sad, and lonely. What type of relationship is this? It’s not one! Nothing is more miserable. Many stay together for financial reasons (cheaper to keep her or keep him). Regardless of the scenario if a couple aren’t in love it will be hard to keep it together.

Starting a relationship and building the foundation should involve getting to know one another. Unfortunately too many get married when they hardly know one another. It baffles me when I see couples together yet know nothing about one another or about the other’s family. People, this is a RED FLAG! You should always get to know a family member or someone who really knows the person you’re involved with. A person can tell you anything to get you. Don’t fall for this, get to know someone this person is related to, I don’t care if they have no siblings or if they’re adopted. Get to know someone in your significant others life, BEFORE you talk about marriage.

Get to know the individual. What I mean here is get to know who you’re with. Some things you should get to know are things such as:

Their likes, dislikes. The best way you will do this is through communication. It matters to your significant other to know you know their likes and dislikes. Nothing is more inconsiderate then to give someone something they don’t like or do things they don’t like.

Views on their faith and everything that  goes along with it. It’s important to know if your beliefs are similar. They may believe something different than you or they may worship somewhere you’re not willing to. This is something that needs to be addressed. If it’s an issue before marriage, it will be one after marriage.

Know their financial status. Will they be able to contribute financially or not. Are they indebt to others and if so is it by a large amount. In knowing this, it’s good to know their credit history as well. After marrying you may want to make a major purchase together, however this can’t happen if one has really bad credit.

Do they have kids and if they don’t do they want any? It’s also important to know about their relationship with their child’s parent. Do they allow the other parent to rule their current relationships? Many women get pregnant to trap men. This is a terrible thing and it doesn’t keep relationships together. What type of parenting style will you have if you have children together? It’s very important to know these things, because these things has ended marriages.

Important to know if they have about their health (mental and physical). You need to know if you’re getting with someone who has something you don’t want to catch or it’s someone you have to dedicate a lot of time and attention to, because they had something you didn’t know about. I’m not saying you shouldn’t take care of a loved one, but what I am saying is know if this is the case, before you marry. This gives you the opportunity to know what you’re getting into.

Learn if they’re mommas boy or daddy’s girl, because trust me this too causes problems when people decide to marry these types of individuals. If you can’t stand their momma before marriage, it won’t get better any time soon afterward you marry.

Know whether or not they have a criminal history. It’s important to know who you’re getting with. You don’t want to get with someone who can ruin everything you’ve accomplished for yourself.

Are they affectionate? Do they know how to show and receive love. Do they have a problem with holding you or kissing you. If they do, it gets lonely after being with someone and not receiving the affection you need. Too many people marry and accept things in thinking it will change later or they can change the person. It just doesn’t work this way.

What is their opinion of sex? Are they into things you’re not? Are they sex addicts or nymphos? Do they like to swing? Are they bi-sexual? It’s super important to know these things before you marry.

Are they a cheater or abuser? If so, if you accepted this behavior throughout dating, it will more than likely continue on into the marriage and possibly escalate into something more serious.

I can go on and on, but I hope you get the direction I am going in. It is very important to get to know your significant other. When people get together and marry without knowing one another it will always come back and bite both in the butt. When an individual accept anything to get with someone, you must understand what you accept is EXACTLY what you will be getting. More than likely they won’t change anytime soon and believe me, you will eventually hear the words “you knew this about me before we got married.” Guess what? It’s true!

People marry individuals who do things that drive them crazy before marrying them, yet they think their significant other will change once married. They marry people in thinking they can save them from drugs, alcohol, or other bad situations. You can’t! All you will do is end up like them. You will possibly become lost and confused, depressed, unhappy, develop anxiety, or worse. All because you foolishly thought you could save the person.

People get with individual’s who party all of the time. They like the strip clubs, etc, but when they marry they expect for the partying to stop. It simply doesn’t work this way. If you’re willing to accept them a certain way, this is how they will be.

What I’m saying here is communication is the key. You must get to know one another before marrying. If you can’t talk about any and everything with your significant other this is a major RED FLAG! I’m not saying start off asking some of the tough questions, however you do need to eventually address them. Anything you accept, ignore, or fail to address will come back on you later and pose as a major problem during the marriage. No relationship is perfect, but when it’s built on a strong solid foundation a couple can weather any store. If it’s built on anything other than love and being in love it’s going to be a battle.

Basically, all I’m trying to do here is to give you some insight. Too many marriages are failing these days, because people are getting into them for the wrong reasons or after marriage they’re allowing too many people from the outside inside. If you’re not in love with your significant other before marriage the marriage will be a struggle. If you’re not in love with who you’re with, you’re setting yourself up for drama. You will not be happy and the marriage will begin to fail, before it’s started good.

You can’t change anyone other than yourself. How you willfully accept someone into your life expect them to be that way. Is this you??? If it is please re-valuate your life, before making what is supposed to be a lifetime commitment. A husband and have should have other friends, but they should be one another’s best friend. I can’t tell you how many I know who can barely stand each other. They choose others to be their best friends and this too causes discord in relationships (hard to be best friends with someone you don’t really know). Everything I’ve written is based on personal experience or situations I’ve encountered while working with others.