When You Don’t Know Your Worth

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Don’t expect for someone else to care about your worth if you don’t. People will treat you how you treat yourself and how you allow. One of the biggest problem people have in relationships is they don’t have requirements. Meaning they don’t identify what they will or won’t accept nor do they identify their needs. They don’t set boundaries nor do they have expectations. Most people simply go along with almost anything to be with who they think they want. They take a lot of nonsense in the name of what they consider as love.

Many people get into relationships based on their wants and desires and hardly ever based on their needs. They are lost and blind due to feelings and emotions. When a person is focused on their feelings, wants, and desires they actually fail to see what is happening right in their faces. Although they are in unhealthy relationships many can’t see it because they are focused on what they feel, want, and desire. They exhaust their energy trying to please who they are while getting nothing in return. These types of people are often mistreated and taken advantage of.

To know and understand your worth you must first love yourself. Many people don’t love self and are always seeking love in someone else. It almost always causes dysfunction in their lives. Individuals try hard to figure out their significant others when they don’t even know self. They try hard to make their significant others happy when they aren’t happy within self. They take nonsense in the name of love, because they don’t really know what love is. They are led by their feelings and emotions. They feel deeply with their hearts but don’t think with their brains. This leads to a life of chaos and dysfunction.

This is why many are seeking love no matter what or who and in the midst of it they find themselves in unhappy relationships with no requirements, boundaries, or standards. They accept anything. Guess what? They will always end up getting just that (anything). Too many people are very willing to settle just to be in a relationship. If you don’t know your worth it will cause many problems in your life. Regardless of what or who, you will always be treated how you allow.

When people are focused on getting what they think they want that’s all they see. Most times when they finally open their eyes to the truth they are in too deep. It’s very important people deal with their inner issues because if not they will suffer because of it. What’s inside is always coming out! Many people don’t know their worth because they have given power to their past which has kept them in negative ways of thinking therefore negative mindsets. They haven’t been able to move pass their negative ways of thinking about self due to what they’ve gone through at earlier stages in life. It’s not the past it’s how people choose to think about it that keeps them in negative states of mind.

Learning to love yourself should be priority for all. It’s not, but I wish it were. People hang on to pains and sorrows as if it were beneficial when it’s not! You won’t understand your worth until you learn to let go and love yourself. Many people are fixated on loving who they are with and because of it they don’t take the time or opportunity to love self. Until they do they will continue to have dysfunction in their lives. They will keep looking for something in others they don’t have in self. A person can tell what you think about yourself by what you allow in your life. If your worth isn’t important to you, then it won’t be to other people.

When You Need a Break Take One

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As I like to sometimes say Superman and Wonder Woman do not exist! None of us are exempt from stress overload. We must listen to what our bodies are telling us. Sometimes people try to push through only to find themselves on the brink of breakdown. No one is exempt!

Stress can cause a lot of things to go wrong within the body if left uncontrolled/managed. Uncontrolled stress will cause havoc in your life. It can mess with the entire body if not managed. If it’s not handled it will surely handle you. If it gets to this point, then it’s gone too long unmanaged.

I know some people think they can do it all. Let me tell you; no one can do it all! You may think you can, but it catches up to you. No one is exempt from experiencing stress. We all do! However, how much you have can become unhealthy. It doesn’t matter what you’re going through if you need a moment to breathe; take it! Sometimes people tend to go and go, because they think life stops if they stop. They think their homes, families, jobs, etc can’t function without them. I say, mess around and die and see what happens!! Life goes on! Stress is real and it can cause us harm if not managed.

We all deal with stress to some degree. A lot of it is unnecessary stress people do to self due to bad choices and decisions they make. Another reason for stress is the inability to say no! Some people run themselves raggedy day in with the hustles and bustles of life; until they run out of steam (mentally, emotionally, physically). There are many stressors in life which can be good or bad things (promotion or demotion, new job, marriage, relocation, divorce, medical issues, relationship issues, your environment, your social circle, etc). People have to alleviate those things which are causing them stress overloads. To help reduce or alleviate stress sometimes may mean walking away from people or things. It always means taking time for self. You must know when to re-charge!

There are many people who exist, but aren’t living. They don’t enjoy life. They work themselves to death never enjoying the fruits of their labor. It’s crazy! All they care about is work, work, work! They neglect their relationships with everyone to include self. They don’t take time to “pick or smell the roses.” If people aren’t working at a job, they are busy trying to take care of and please others in some facet. Bottom line they run themselves to points of exhaustion.

Take time for you! When things seem a little tough take a breather. Always take some time for yourself! Take a moment away from it all in whatever way you can. Start today by setting boundaries and allowing absolutely no one to cross them (family, friends, others). This could mean something simple as quiet time for you and only you (long hot bath, walk in the park, long drive, reading a book, personal get away or whatever you need to do to get time for self). It’s very important to do and for goodness sake don’t feel guilty about it! If you set boundaries and do not waver, people will respect them!

It doesn’t matter if you have children, husband, significant other, job, or whatever; you’re no good to them when you’re no good to yourself. Learn to take care of yourself! Learn to take the breather you need! You only have one life to live.

Immeasurable Peace

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This is not for everyone to understand. The true understanding comes when you really have a everyday connection with Jesus the Son, God the Father, and the precious Holy Spirit. This peace is available to those who are about the Father’s business and not our own.

Personally the first thing I started noticing was how people no longer affected me negatively. It didn’t happen overnight; it happened over time. I didn’t stop loving them, I simply took back the power I gave them to hurt me or cause confusion in my life. Sometimes it means separating yourself and in the midst it definitely means putting up personal space, emotional, and mental boundaries against all others. When you stop making things about you or other people and focus on King Jesus, things begin to be quite different. I stopped allowing others to take from me first what they didn’t give and secondly what belongs to me; which is my peace, joy, and happiness.

To obtain this type of peace a person must be sincere, honest, and consistent in their walk. You may fool other people, but you will NEVER fool Jesus! Anything less is vain talking and walking. NO ONE can truly serve Jesus if they are double minded, wishy washy, lukewarm, or trying to straddle a fence that doesn’t exist!

You can not and will not grow spiritually if you have a relationship with Jesus when you feel like it or when it’s convenient. A person can’t ever receive what He has for him or her when they are living this way. People choose to live an on and off relationship with God when He’s forever unchanging with us! Every last one of us knows we do not like people who constantly flip flop. They are untrustworthy, inconsistent, and unstable when it comes to loyalty and commitment. What do you think God feel about people when they are constantly this way with Him? He leaves people to do their thing, my prayer is they don’t die in the midst of doing their thing!

We can’t be indecisive people when it comes to whom we choose to serve. We must be very decisive and consistent in our choice until it becomes a lifestyle. Too many want to pick and choose parts of the Bible to live by. You can’t, you must live by it all! People want to pick and choose when it’s feasible to act Holy. No, you must live the life 24/7, day in and day out! We must keep our hearts and mind stayed on Jesus. We also must keep on the full Armor of God.

People who don’t believe they can live a Holy life; won’t! As simple as that! I know without a doubt we can if it’s what we choose. In striving to make it to Heaven it’s not always easy, but I promise on this journey we become stronger and stronger. Our troubles will come, but they will also go. As we grow we become these new creatures in every way! Things begin to fall off, because we shed the old ways and thank God things become new! This is will we begin feeling this “peace surpassing all understanding.” When the people of the world seems to running amok we know God is still in control.

As people we bring a whole lot of our problems on ourselves by the choices and decisions we make. Although many claim to live for Jesus they are still being led by the flesh. You can’t have it your way and do it God’s way! It doesn’t work like this. None of us will EVER reach the potential He has for us until we surrender all! Then and only then can we experience this immeasurable peace! Love to all!!!

Boundaries for A Peace of Mind

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It seems there are many people who really don’t understand what setting boundaries in their lives mean and how empowering they can be to your life. Individuals allow others to invade and dominate their space and lives. I believe boundaries should be set between an individual and everyone that is involved in their life despite of the extend. If you don’t set boundaries sometimes people have the tendency to do whatever they want to you or at least they will give it a good try. I firmly believe in “nipping things in the bud”, not later, but right away.

This is my belief and what I think helps keep me grounded. We must have sense to learn how not to allow others to cause us unnecessary stress. This means husbands, wives, children, the job, friends, family, and any and everything. DO NOT RELINQUISH YOUR PEACE. Learn how to step back and away when it seems you’ve allowed stress to take up too much space.

Boundaries Against Your Children

My mom always said, “toddlers steps on your toes, but teenagers and adult children steps on your heart.” She sure didn’t lie about that! In saying that, it taught me that I had to build a boundary where my two adult daughters are concerned. I’m not saying they’re not good children, but they have their own lives and sometimes it doesn’t include me. I had to grow tough skin when it comes to that fact.

I initially built boundaries when they were little ones. I had to let them know who the parents were in the household. Sometimes children will try you, so you must lay boundaries and do not let them cross those boundaries.

Some parents have no control in their homes or over there children, because they have no boundaries, discipline, or structure in their homes. The children invade their space and privacy at will and they basically do what they want. Children play parents against one another and they can sometimes be quite manipulative. SET BOUNDARIES while they’re young and it will teach children about tolerances, limitations, respect, boundaries, and a host of other good attributes.

Boundaries Against Significant Others

Sometimes our significant others try us too. They want to see how far they can go with certain things. Boundaries must be set with them too. Sometimes they want to push you into things you don’t want. They may do things to you that is uncomfortable. You have every right to “nip it in the bud.” In setting boundaries in this area you can’t act as if you’re good with something today and tomorrow you have a problem with it. You have to set boundaries and stand firm on them and be consistent.

I can’t tell you what particular boundaries you should set against your significant other, but I can tell you if you don’t at some point something will happen that makes you uncomfortable and it’s because you never set a boundary against it. You must make it known what things can’t be crossed.

Boundaries in relationships are set according a person’s individual need. I think everyone should have a few.

Below are boundaries I believe are important to set against everyone in order to keep your peace and joy. I added them to a book I wrote and thought I would share some of what I wrote about with you.

Physical Boundaries These are boundaries we should set up against other people (everyone). If not, people will easily invade your personal space. When you have physical boundaries set and someone crosses them, if you correct a person right away, everyone will know exactly what you will and won’t allow. Some things you may let some people get away with while others you won’t. That’s normal, but regardless you should have them set with everyone.

Simple examples are:

Some people get too close to you or touch you (while in contact with you). This may be something that makes you uncomfortable. For some it’s a habit for others it’s a test to see how far they can go. To avoid any issues from it, set physical boundaries.

You may have friends or family who comes to your house and they go through your things, eat your food, use your things; etc. all without asking, (this happens with co-workers, etc. as well). If you have your boundaries up they will no that behavior won’t be tolerated by you. This boundary should apply to everyone you come in contact with. If not you make everything about you free game when it shouldn’t be.

Friends or family who like to be too chummy with your significant other or vice versa. You have to set boundaries in your relationships with friends and family by letting them know just because they’re friends and family some things you still won’t tolerate from them.

I think you get the idea. Setting boundaries can prevent or eliminate conflict that surrounds this issue in your life.

Mental Boundaries are boundaries you set against others to prevent you from becoming stressed to a point of dysfunction. Many people allow the problems of others along with their own issues to weigh them down to a point of disturbance in their mental states. This is a bad way to cope.

You can’t take everything in and hold it in. You have to learn how to relax and calm your mind. Problem is too many people in this world carry too much on their shoulders. They take and take. They give and give. It becomes too much for a person to bear. Then it causes dysfunction. People end up on medication to help them function day to day.

You can’t live life for anyone else. Life was designed that you live your own, I live mine own, and the next person lives theirs. When a person tries to fix everyone else’s problems, they end adding more to their very own. It’s great to be there for people, but when it comes down to it, each of us has to take ownership of our own individual lives.

Trying to do it all for everyone becomes exhausting and overbearing. When it becomes too far gone it can cause mental imbalance. Learn to set mental boundaries in your life so you do not lose focus and/or your mind. Some people have let it go too far and now can’t go day to day without taking medication. It is unhealthy state of mind.

Emotional Boundaries these are boundaries that can help you to stop getting so emotionally involved and drained over everything you see and/or hear. I believe when people are always going off of their emotions it is what leads to mental breakdown. It’s too much stress and strain on the body to constantly have emotional melt downs over any and everything.

People must learn how to take things as are and as they come while understanding life is designed with good and bad. We will have good days and certainly bad. Good things will happen and so will bad. No matter what we go through we mustn’t constantly give into our emotions in a negative way.

Both Emotional and mental episodes affect the mind. If the mind isn’t healthy nothing else is. It’s my thought that an over abundance of emotional instances lead to a broken mental status. This can be avoided by learning how to control your emotions and not allowing them to control you.

Spiritual Boundaries these are boundaries set against those who want to trample on your beliefs. I can’t tell you what you should believe. It’s your right to believe whatever you choose. Don’t let anyone shake your faith. We’re living in very trying times and our faith is what keeps us standing.

Your faith may be in something other than God. I recommend Jesus to all. But the bottom line is, it’s your choice as to what you believe. Be true to you. I can’t beat my faith into you, it wasn’t beat into me by anyone or God. However, I stand firmly on it. People around me can say and do what they want, it doesn’t shake my faith. I live my life for me and no one else.

We must have a wholeness about us. That means we must be healthy in mind, body, and spirit. When one domain is disturbed is affects the others in some way.

Stay strong and stay encouraged!!