Blind by Feelings can Lead to a Deadly Outcome

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Yes, I am writing on this again. My daughter called me and told me someone who worked in her building was murdered by her boyfriend. The female went to the home they both had previously shared to retrieve her belongings and as soon as the guy answered the door, he shot her point blank in the face. This is so awful, sad, and could have been avoided.

I’ve always said and will continue to say is if you wait until things get bad in a relationship you may never get to leave. You may die in the relationship. Everyone has signs concerning our relationships, whether we adhere to them is another thing.

When initially starting a relationship people must first know who they are (self). You must first love yourself, know and understand the difference between your wants, desires, and needs. Most people don’t have a clue there are differences. When people don’t first love self, they are looking for something in somoene else that they don’t possess in self. They are led by emotions and feelings. They think because it looks good or feels good it is good for them. Wrong!! They are led solely by their flesh! They get into relationships with the wrong people for the wrong reasons.

People get into bad relationships thinking they can save or change the individaul. They think their sex is so great or whatever they’re offering is so great it will change the other person. No, it doesn’t work! You may give a person a reason to want to change, you may encourage them to change, but change ONLY occurs because the person needing to change decided it was time. If they change before they are ready they will ALWAYS revert back to who they really are, because the change was for you and not for them.

You can love a person with everything in you, it’s NOT enough if they’re an individual with a lot of issues. They need to work on self, therefore until they do they will ALWAYS have chaos following them where they go. You can’t fix, save, or change them. Those who get involved with these types of individuals oftentimes have their own issues as well. Let me put it this way. Those who stay definitely have their own issues. People who know who they are as individuals (self) will adhere to the signs and run for the hills!

I don’t care what you feel about a person, make sure you can see through the fog. People will ALWAYS in some form or fashion show you who they are and show you their tendencies early on. If you’re blind by your feelings and overwhelmed then you will most likely NOT see the signs staring you in the face! This is why people get into relationships for all the wrong reasons, with the wrong people, and in the wrong ways. They are being led by their thoughts and feelings about the person while missing all the signs the person is giving as to who they are.

People are cussed out, disrespected, physically assaulted, obssessed over, controlled early on, they are kept from other people, etc. etc. This isn’t love. Some individuals think it’s cute how a person goes crazy over them to the point of wanting to fight someone. They think it’s cute a person tells them what to wear, who they can and can’t be around, tell them what to do or demand them to do this or that. They think it’s cute how the person wants to spend all their time with them and not allow them around anyone else. They think the person playfully cursing them or smacking them is okay when they present it in a playful way. I can go on for days. These are signs of what’s to come. It is NOT LOVE! It’s a clear indication of what you can expect in the future.

The problem is many people stay; they try to work it out. Then they get to a point where they’ve stayed too long. The person is possessive, obsessive, controlling, and ALL THE ABOVE, now it’s a problem with leaving. People are afraid to leave because they know how the person will react. Some stay because they want security or they like what the person does for them, completely looking over the fact how they are treated. Many, many people have died in their unhealthy relationships when they shouldn’t have. They should have left long before the point of no return.

Stop being quick to tell a person where you live and other information you should keep to yourself until you really know who you’re dealing with. Stop being quick to have sex with people thinking it will make them want you; sex hasn’t EVER kept a relationship together. People will act according to what you tell them you want so they can give you exactly what you say you want TO GET YOU! The very thing you tell them you went through many will put you through, they will manipulate you into a relationship, because you allowed it before.

Both parties are to blame. They will be who they are, but you should always leave when you see potential for trouble. People show you who they are, but many think it’s a fluke, (a one time thing). NO it’s the real deal and many will see it! People show potential problems that individuals ignore! There are consequences of failing to adhere to the signs. People end up in miserably unhealthy and unhappy relationships or they end up dead!

Not every person with issues will allow nonsense in their lives. Some people despite their many issues still has sense enough to walk away. Thank God! However, there are a lot of people who won’t walk away. They stay and endure unnecessary drama from individauls they think they love.

People must wake up!!! Deal with your many issues before getting into relationships. Face your problems and work them out, because your problems and your significant other problems together can be a ticking time bomb! People with a lot of unresolved issues ends up with other people with unresolved issues. People are eager and some desperate for love, when they don’t really love self. People will treat you EXACTLY how you allow.

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Holding on to the Past Affects Your Present

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Too many people do this! Many people focus on what has happened. Many people live this way entertaining a life long pity party. They can’t move forward, because they are stuck in the past. A past that no longer exists! It’s true! I’m not ever going to say the past didn’t exist or people didn’t go through what they’ve gone through. What I’m saying is the past itself is just that! It is gone! People must learn to stop giving power to the memories of their pasts. The more power you give to anything it controls you!

Many adults don’t give themselves chances to have the happy and fulfilled lives they should have, because they are fixated on what was! They’ve allowed the memories of their past experiences to control their possibilities for wonderful lives. They ruin their lives by their wrong ways of thinking. They are mad and angry over things that are long over. Hanging on to such junk is like drinking a bottle of liquid self destruction and expecting not to be affected by it.

It’s time people learn to let go of negative things. No matter who HAVE hurt you in the past, it’s you whose now hurting yourself. Your life is your life! All of us can choose to stay stuck or move on. Bitterness destroys!! The more power you give to negative thoughts the more they control you and keep you stuck in negative states of mind.

Some of you may say I don’t know or understand what you’ve gone through. You are correct, I don’t know! However, I know we all have a story we can tell. I do know and understand hurt, disappointment, unfairness, suffering, rejection, abuse, and many things that affects us. Although things may hurt us or even scar us, life goes on. Wounds heal if you stop picking at it! Pain subsides if you stop giving it power! Memories fade if you stop giving them life by constantly reliving them!

Feelings of hurt, pain, and suffering are universal. No one is exempt! People learn to move on by letting go. It’s 100% okay to feel the pain, however; when it defines you and controls your life it’s no longer okay. People who hurt people; are hurt people. Get it? It’s a vicious cycle!

It’s easier for people to believe they have to remain the way they are then for them to believe they can change. No matter the chaos people get content in their old ways of thinking, feeling, and acting. They know change means having to do something different. It means putting forth intentional efforts to be better! If you don’t choose change the only option is to remain the same. No matter who a person blames; the way an individual chooses to be is the individual’s choice.

Choosing to move on doesn’t negate the fact things happened. What it does is it puts the power back where it belongs; in your hands! Never allow someone or something power over you! Learn and gain strength from everything you go through, don’t let it render you powerless. The ONLY power anyone or anything has over you is the power you give!

Your Inside Issues Causes Chaos Outside

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This post is intended for anyone who can relate regardless of status. People must learn not to worship others. All the time and energy put into loving, praising, and worshipping other folks, a person should put into learning to love self. One thing most fail to realize is the people they worship have their individual issues too! They aren’t perfect and they seek the same things everyone else seeks (whatever they consider as peace, love, and happiness). It’s crazy how individuals are worshipped because of who people think they are!! Just because individuals are followed, researched, worshipped it doesn’t mean you know them. As I’ve said before, sometimes people want so badly to be someone when that someone they want to be wants to be someone else.

Many people will do anything to become known. People chase the fame, then they can’t handle it once they get it. People will do anything for what they think is love, only to find themselves in unbearable relationships. None of it it won’t or don’t change what’s inside. What’s inside always comes out if it’s not dealt with; and despite who you are it will ruin lives and relationships.

This is why many people succumb to drugs, alcohol, and a host of other things as a way to cope. People already have issues inside, yet they are chasing fame or trying to maintain their fame, recognition, approval, or most of all love. A lot of people become known only to find out it does absolutely nothing to change their life long issues. It’s the same with people chasing after love, they get what they assume is love and realize it’s not love at all. All of the pressures add to the issues they’ve already been dealing with. The notoriety or relationships doesn’t take away the pain inside. It doesn’t fill the void inside. What’s inside spoils everything else if it’s not attended to and will always affect an individual’s life.

People allow themselves to be put up on pedal stools they shouldn’t of ever been on, when they see it’s hard to stay on those pedal stools they can’t deal with it. They can’t deal with maintaining their pedal stools, rejection, or ridicule from the world, so they turn to different ways to cope. This normally intensifies their current issues.

People who are chasing after love find that trying to maintain their relationships is much harder than they ever imagined. It too intensifies their current issues causing them more stress and more problems.

People think the change of scenery, new people, new places, new positions, new statuses, money, relationships, etc, etc, will help. No, it won’t! You can have everything brand new it will not work when you’re still the old you!!!!!

I encourage anyone who is dealing with lifelong issues to work on resolving them before they pursue love or anything else in life. No one can hide from self. If the old you hasn’t changed, no matter what happens in your life your issues will spill out and wreak havoc. You can’t love anyone effectively if you don’t love yourself. You can’t be happy in any situation if you’re not happy with yourself. Those issues will always manifest and show up in your life whether famous, successful, average Joe, rich, or whomever or whatever you may be!

Obsession is Unhealthy and Dangerous

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There are many people who has allowed their obsessions with people and things to get them into big trouble. Some people’s obsessions has caused them total discord and destruction, yet they choose to be powerless to it. When you are obsessed over anything, I believe you’ve lost focus which ultimately leads to loss of control.

When a person is obsessed they allow themselves to be in unhealthy states of mind. People are obsessed over many things. Anything you’re obsessed over actually possesses your mind, because it’s what you’ve given power to. You think about it all of the time.

It all starts with a thought. Anything a person constantly thinks about the thought gets stronger and stronger until most times people take actions behind those thoughts. It doesn’t matter what the thoughts are about it works the same for anyone. If you’re obsessed with anything, whatever it is has power over you and will consume you if you don’t change your mindset!

People find themselves obsessing over other’s significant others. They go after people even when they know they are in relationships with others. People obsess over how they look some to the point of depression. People obsess over harming self or harming others until they end up doing it. People obsess over food, sex (unhealthy and immoral ways), obsess over other people in unhealthy ways, obsess over substances (alcohol/drugs), etc. People obsess over their pasts, they can’t move forward, because they’re too busy looking behind.

I can go on and on. The point I am trying to make is whatever you can’t control will control you. If you give power to it that power grows and it’s never into something healthy. Fixating over unhealthy things results in unhealthy feelings and actions.

It’s very important to be aware of what you’re entertaining in your head. Too many people have done stupid things, because they acted upon those negative unhealthy obsessive thoughts. A lot of times people don’t try to resist instead they insist on following through with their obsessions. They lose control, because it is all they think about. There are things in life for which we have no control, obsessing isn’t one of them. You do have the ability to change your states of mind.

Anyone on earth can control what they obsess over. They must be intentional and conscious concerning their obsession. For example, if you obsess over food and it’s all you think of you must intentionally shift the focus to something else more positive. Whether the obsession has caused you to be overweight or underweight, neither is healthy. Think of the consequences of your obsession and what it causes in your life. Remember if you don’t have control, you’ve lost your power to your obsession. You must constantly stay in the moment in order to shift the focus on something positive. This means take ownership of what you’re thinking and re-direct those negative thoughts. Learn to face what has control over you and take back your power. Think of the benefit of your obsession, I’m almost certain the benefit is none!!

I already know some of you will say it’s easier said than done. It is if it’s what you believe. Individuals must stop making excuses to continue to be the way they are when they know the way they are isn’t conducive to a healthy way of thinking, feelings, and acting! No one can do it for you, other than you!

Instead of dealing with their situations many people will continue to allow their obsessive thoughts to creep in. When obsessions linger long enough people risk treading those dangerous waters because feelings flow and we know most are already led by their feelings and emotions. Once they are engulfed by those thoughts individuals succumb and find themselves in situations they never should have been in (overweight, underweight, jail, dead, bad unhealthy relationships, mentally unstable, and the list goes on).

Stop making excuses and make a change! Individually this is something we all have to take the responsibility and ownership for in our lives. None of us have to go through life this way if we choose to embrace change. Don’t for a second think obsessing over anything is good, because it’s not. There is a big difference in obsessing and having passion. Don’t get the two mixed up. You control your passion over something, but you lose control when you’re obsessed!

Suicide is Permanent Troubles are Temporary

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I know I’ve blogged more than usual this week, but I wanted to send this one out. It’s my opinion and based on many years of experience working with people from all walks of life. No matter the race, gender, age, or population everyone has their issues.

It really saddens me to hear when people take their own lives. We all have a story we could tell. We are all affected by other people and life in some form or another. However, no matter what or who, this life we have is ours and ours alone to live. No one gets to live it for us. Individually we can give our power away to others, but at the end of it all we live and die for self.

Struggles come and struggles go, they are temporary. Unfortunately many choose the permanent fix to their temporary problems; which is suicide. No trouble last always. It may feel as if it does, but it doesn’t. People are so filled with darkness they literally can’t see. They don’t believe their “light at the end of their tunnel” exists. There is light, there is always light if people will hold on.

A lot of readers may say if I haven’t experienced it, therefore I don’t know. Wrong, I’ve gone through storms over and over in my life. The difference for me is I’ve always even as a young child figured out bad things happen. No matter how young or old, no matter how good you are; bad things happen. I’ve learned to accept it. We will all go through storms at some point. Our lives are like hills and valleys. We go in and out of things. We must learn to hold on, because those troubles won’t last always. Life is a cycle and we have to endure the bad and the good. No one complains when it’s feeling good, but people complain when they are enduring those hard times. Unfortunately for some they never experience the good, because what’s inside doesn’t allow them to feel happy about anything.

Individually we must look at ourselves. Yes, there are many people and things affecting us along the way, but we STILL must always look at self. We can’t change other people; only ourselves. Oftentimes people already have issues they are dealing with from childhood. Childhood is normally where it all begins. If a person doesn’t deal with those issues I don’t care how old they become they will carry those issues with them throughout life. Then on top of it they have families, significant others, careers, etc coupled with what they’ve never dealt with (their issues). It all compiles and weighs the individual down. Individually we must learn to lessen the load. It begins for each and every one of us by dealing with self first and foremost. If not you will be a struggling individual, struggling even more due to the pressures of life. People have the tendency of compiling their issues and instead of fixing them it leads to anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, for some homicidal thoughts, physical ailments and other issues.

I don’t care who loves you, they can’t fix or save you! You’re the only person who can do it for yourself. It starts and ends with you. Some people think because they are successful with lots of money life will be easier. This isn’t true at all! You’re still you and no matter where you are your problems will follow because they are inside. No amounts of money, love from others, friends, family, material things will fix what’s wrong inside. People have to deal with self.

Love yourself no matter what! Forgive yourself and anyone else who needs to be forgiven by you. Forgiveness isn’t for the other person, it’s actually for you. It’s for your peace of mind. It gives you the ability to let go and move on. We don’t forget stuff, but we certainly can get to a point where stuff doesn’t bother us like it once had.

Instead of dealing with things a lot of people want to give up on self and life all together. This is the wrong ways of thinking. If a person begin to dwell on taking their own life if they don’t change their ways of thinking the bad thoughts could eventually consume them. The thoughts become fleeting (coming and going). Do you know why? It’s because once a person allows bad thoughts to enter in and do nothing about them, those thoughts will stay there and they will become stronger, because the person is giving power to them. This is very dangerous and it’s when people do unthinkable and unimaginable things such as commit suicide, homicide, or a host of other things people do when they’ve succumbed to the darkness. People must acknowledge and take ownership of when they are going through these moments and not simply go through them allowing them to consume them.

Not one of us are exempt from the troubles of this world. As I said earlier in this post we have to take the good with the bad. I’ve written and said many times trouble free people do not exist. I believe the greatest gift we can give ourselves is the gift of love. It doesn’t matter what you went through or who did something to us, we all must learn to love self. When a person truly loves his or herself it changes their mindset, therefore their outlook on life.

Too many individuals give their power to people and things. Living this way means you’re at the will of those people and things. If you give your power away it means you don’t have it. Before living a life of stress due to life and others, take back your power! There will be things for which we can’t control. However, we can always control how we react to those things.

People will look you right in your face and smile. They will carry on as if they are happy, yet inside they are filled with pain and misery. No one can deal with their issues by trying to hide and pretend the pain doesn’t exist. People who commit suicide give up on self and life, but they don’t realize what they leave behind for their families and friends. Talk to someone, talk to anyone about what you are thinking. The thoughts will intensify if you don’t and often to the point of a successful suicide. The thoughts come from a very dark place, a place where it’s difficult to see your way. Life never has to be this way for anyone.

I know things are awful for some people, but again it all starts with you. Never live to please other people or to be validated by other people. Don’t allow your dreams or goals to put you in the wrong mindset. Remember, you can’t please everyone, so don’t waste your time trying. Remember you are unique and no one is like you, others won’t think like you, don’t get frustrated because of it. Love you and be happy for you, it makes everything else better! Individually we must look inside and deal with what ails us! Life is worth living! Change whatever needs changing. Sometimes it means new, places, people, and things. However, no matter where you are in life, nothing changes if you don’t fix what’s wrong. If a person doesn’t change all they will do is take the toxicity from one place to another. No matter what life throws us, it’s all about what we make of it! If you’re in pain, own it and deal with it because it will not go away until you make a change in yourself! No one can do it for you. Life is precious and it’s worth living. Change your attitude it changes everything else!

1-800-273-8255 is the National Suicide Hotline number they are available to assist. There are also hospitals, churches, thousands upon thousands of different sources available, where help is available. No one can help if a person doesn’t open up about what they are thinking. Never give power to your negative and unhealthy thoughts, they may pull you into a dark place you find it difficult to get out of; please, please, please seek help!

I don’t know you, but I care about you and your life!!

Motivation for Change

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There are many people who are in the exact same place not growing at all. I think this is very sad when there are many opportunities to become better individuals. When people choose contentment and stagnation it inhibits their ability to grow. They become fixated in the wrong mindset. If a person is not content, but comfortable, this should be an issue for them. It is up to each of us to change what needs to be changed in ourselves. No one can do it for us it’s something we must do individually.

I know many people who are in this situation and I have seen others who will do nothing to change their lives. They haven’t grown at all. They are in the same spots from years and years before. Their lives are like revolving doors. Despite of the struggles they endure, they choose to be content with their lives. Most times people are this way due to some type of fear and/are other debilitating issues. It traps people in the wrong mindsets and stops their abilities to move.

It irritates me when people want to benefit from the fruits of your labor, but they do nothing to improve self. Althought they may not support you, they certainly want to benefit from your hard work and they will if you allow it.

Stop enabling people to be comfortable with being the way they are when they way they are hasn’t changed. You can’t make a person change, but you sure can change you and not allow a person to constantly use you to supply their needs.
You teach people exactly how to treat you!

Life can throw us all some hard blows. How we perceive those events will most likely determine how we choose to go through them. Unfortuantely and sadly, some people choose to carry the residuals of their situations through a lifetime. It’s hard to move forward with such weight. Some people stay where they are, because it’s most comfortable and familiar. It’s okay to feel what we go through, but it’s not okay to allow whatever it is to hinder our growth.

In this world rarely or ever do people give you anything, you have to work for what you need. If a person choose to live the same way forever then they don’t give self the opportunity to progress. You can’t progress if you choose to remain the same. A lot of people play the blame game, but it get’s you no further than doing nothing. In order to grow, progress, and change, you must do something other than what you’ve been doing. Most of all you have to change your mindset, if you do your attitude and everything else will follow suit!

Blaming Keeps You Stuck

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When a person blame others for who they’ve become they hold back self. They don’t afford self the opportunity to change, because they become stuck and fixated. No one and I mean no one can become who they are meant to be if they are stuck in mental states of blaming other people for who they are.

As I’ve said and written many times before, I believe people and situations can contribute to who people become, however the ultimate decision is the individual’s. No one on earth is exempt from struggles, troubles, adversities, trials and tribulations, woes, sorrows, hardships, misfortunes, tragedy, or whatever you want to label them. We all will go through things and unfortunately sometimes they are things done to us by other people. Still; how we choose to hold on to things is determined by the individual NOT the other people.

We all have our own lives to live. If a person put all their time and energy to reliving and rehashing old things; they give power to it. Many think they are hurting the other person/people by being angry and acting out, truth is people who do this are hurting self the most. If a person live their life blaming other people they do not have the chance to change. These types of people spend years of their lives blaming other people instead of changing and making their lives better.

No matter what you go through it doesn’t have a grip on you, people choose to grip and hold on to those things; even though they are long gone and the benefit of holding on is none. Many people spend their entire lives angry over things that happened years and years ago. They can’t mature or grow, because they are stuck in unhealthy mindsets.

Regardless of what a person goes through if they don’t deal with whatever it is/was they will go a lifetime allowing it to affect them. No one has to live this way. Many people give power to those things and the pain and memories become so strong it consumes them. They become angry and bitter and it sickens them like a disease. They spend all of their time sulking and complaining. They are miserable and unhappy, yet they continue to blame without ever trying to get control of their lives. Many bring children into the world and raise them just like they are to be sad, depressed, angry, and bitter about life.

We all have the ability to change if it is what we choose. No one can take your power if you do not give it! People must take back their power from their pasts. Okay, you went through what you went through, but it’s over now. I’m not downplaying it, I’m not saying it wasn’t traumatic, I’m not saying it didn’t happen, I’m not saying any of it. I am saying the actual event is over, yet people allow their memories to keep them trapped in a time warp as if the event is happening in their present.

I can talk about it because I’ve been their, however I have never been one to blame. I could have, but I didn’t and I never have. I can tell you things I’ve gone through you wouldn’t believe, but yet here I am telling you that you don’t have to allow it to ruin your life. I could be angry, bitter, and all of it, but I choose otherwise. I can’t let anyone take my spirit from me, because they didn’t put my spirit in me. People allow what they’ve gone through to suck the life out of them, when they don’t have too!

You decide you want better, embrace better, and then do better! Accept whatever has happened, forgive people, and forgive yourself. When you forgive people it heals you. You can’t move towards change by holding on to what once was!