Love has Nothing to do With it

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Love has nothing to do with it, because the people I am writing about knows nothing about love. They are only faithful, dedicated, and committed to self in their own warped ways. Meaning they get what they want, when they want it, and by any means necessary.

Many people are married or in long term relationships, but they aren’t faithful. They are some of the saddest people alive. I believe some of the biggest reasons people are in unhealthy and unhappy relationships they don’t take the time to get to know who they are with; because they fall too quickly, they feel pressured or obligated to become married, they do it because their friends or family have done it, and the biggest reason of all is they get into relationships for all of the wrong; with the wrong people for reasons beyond those I’ve just listed. Most can’t find the right one, because they are too busy trying to make it with the wrong one.

Love has nothing to do with why a person cheats. People cheat because of who they really are. What’s inside is sure to come out. They have pent up issues which makes them into who they are. These types of people take all types of risks to get what they want. They cheat multiple times and claim to be sorry, but they aren’t, they’re only sorry they get caught.

Many people are confused; but instead of dealing with their issues, they make bad choices and decisions. They continue to do the same things; getting the same results. They involve other people into their messed up lives causing havoc, heartache, and pain. This is why people should be very careful who they allow into their lives. Believe me when I write cause a person makes you feel good doesn’t mean they are good for you.

It’s hard for people to see through their issues. They allow their issues to consume them causing them to live dysfunctional lives. They don’t really care about anything other than self gratification. Oftentimes they cause pain to their significant others without remorse. They are full of hurt and pain so they inflict it into the lives of their significant others. They are oftentimes clueless as to why they continue to be unfaithful. I don’t care what a person says about their significant other, it’s not their significant other’s fault they cheated, they cheated because it’s a bad decision they made to cheat.

People shouldn’t ever get into serious relationships or marriages knowing they aren’t ready to be faithful. However, sad as it is, people do it every day. They get into relationships and then expect for their significant others to want to stay with them and deal with their mess. People need to think about the consequences of their actions and the risks they take of their own freewill.

A person may not know who they are with, but the person they are with know what’s going on with self. They know they have issues and they know they aren’t ready to be faithful. In their states of mind, they really aren’t capable of being faithful, because they only do what they want despite the pain it causes. They don’t know what they need, because they’re too focused on getting what they need. Love has nothing to do with it!

No one can see the truth until they are able to see past their feelings and emotions. With feelings and emotions cones hurt and pain. A person who is able to see beyond their feelings and emotions will be very careful NOT to become involved with those who can’t. It’s easy to see the truth when you can SEE the truth! Think about that for a moment!!!

Should You Stay or Should You Go

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The decision lies with you, however you must be able to make it with a clear head. You must be able to deal with your situation without continuing to allow your heart to lead, this is the ONLY way you will make the right choice. Allowing your heart to lead got you where you’re at and dealing with what you’re dealing with.

Far too many people get into and stay into dysfunctional relationships. I’ve written many times about how people get into relationships for the wrong reasons and stay in them for all of the wrong reasons. Many people are too busy seeking love in all of the wrong ways and the wrong places. They lose focus trying to find something in others that they themselves don’t have. They are seeking love in others when they don’t love themselves. Some of you may not agree, but it’s true. When a person REALLY love his or herself, they will be careful the types of people they become involved with or allow into their lives. They will NOT allow anyone to treat them any ole kind of way.

People continue to get into bad relationships, relationships with clear signs the relationships are not good for them. Yet they continue on with these relationships because as I’ve always said, “they are allowing their hearts to lead.”

Do you stay in a relationship that has drained you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physical? If you’re at that point, I believe you’ve stayed too long.

Do you stay in a relationship where you’re constantly crying, sad, miserable, and lonely? If you do, you will stay that way until you either decide to work on it or you decide to move on. Remember, just because you want to work at it, doesn’t mean the person you’re with do. It won’t ever be a healthy relationship if you’re not on the same accord.

Do you stay in a relationship where you’re constantly disrespected and abused? I think NOT! This isn’t love. Too many people stay in these types of relationships until they get to a point where they’re too afraid to leave. If this is the case, YOU’VE STAYED TOO LONG. You should NEVER be afraid of the person you’re with. Unfortunately some never leave because they die in their unhealthy and abusive relationships.

Do you stay in a relationship where you’re constantly cheated on? You’re not the reason a cheater cheats. It doesn’t matter how you look, what you have, etc; a cheater will cheat. When a person is content with someone constantly cheating on them they’re a person with issues that has caused them to devalue his or herself. You’ve taught your significant other how to treat you. No matter how much you love someone it won’t make them love you, it won’t keep them with you, and it certainly won’t keep them from cheating.

Do you stay when there’s no affection between the two of you, you’re sleeping separate NOT because of health reasons but because your significant other doesn’t want to be near you, and they clearly don’t want to be with you? It’s unbelievable the amount of people who are in these types of relationships. They are basically roommates. This is very sad.

I can add many more scenario’s, but the bottom line of it all is to stay or leave is a decision ONLY you should make. I’ve written many posts saying that people treat you EXACTLY how you allow them too. If you let someone treat you any way they choose; then it’s EXACTLY what they will do. Point blank!!!

People need to get out of their feelings and face their situations with honesty and truth. Relationships normally end how they started, but oftentimes at the other end of the spectrum. For example if the relationship is built on sex, sex is the last thing either person will want. Unless a person has matured into a mature adult individuals will continue to get into relationships based on feelings of their hearts. These relationships are doomed from the start. These types of relationships either won’t last or will end up dysfunctional.

Despite of a person’s feelings towards his or her significant other, it takes both individuals to develop a healthy relationship. It doesn’t matter who it is; a person will or can ONLY do to you what you have allowed. If you allow a person to treat you bad for so long they will become inconsiderate and complacent. They will take you for granted. If it’s okay with you how you’re treated, then this is EXACTLY why you’re treated the way you are. If it’s okay with you, it’s okay with them. Everyone together isn’t meant to be together and many find themselves trying to make something work when it isn’t meant to be. Get out of your feelings and face the truth!

THEY LEFT BECAUSE THEY WANTED TOO

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Today I want to spend a little time on a touchy subject for some of you. I talked a little bit on something similar a couple of weeks ago, but I think it’s necessary to talk about this particular subject today. You may or may not agree, I’m simply putting it out there. Some of you are bitter, sad, and broken hearted over someone who left you. Many of you are mad at the person they left you for. Understand this one thing: NO ONE can take your man or woman from you UNLESS they want to go. When they choose to go or IF they want to go, LET THEM!!

I can understand how you can be upset and it’s okay, don’t stay there. Don’t allow your emotions to put you in a bad place or situation. Stop holding on to bitter feelings, emotions, and thoughts. If it’s over let it go and continue on with life. The problem for many is you want to hold on to someone who let you go emotionally a long time ago. Then when they physically walk away you’re devastated over something you should have seen coming.

Sometimes a person’s significant other may leave them for someone they knew. If this happens he or she still left because they wanted too. Everyone who says they’re your friend IS NOT! No matter the situation and no matter who; no one can take your significant other from you without them wanting to go.

Many people want to say they didn’t see it coming, etc. Lies!!!! When people don’t want to face the truth this is when they lose focus and oftentimes their way when relationships end. Give no one or nothing this type of power over you. If you do it’s not their fault it’s yours for allowing it.

I honestly believe one of the most major mistakes people make is when they give all of their being to another person. When you do this you have given someone something that doesn’t belong to them (power over you). The only person who deserves every single part of you is the Creator of all of us, because we all belong to Him. If you don’t believe in the Creator that’s your prerogative. This is simply my belief. It’s wonderful to love and to be in love but when you are blind in the midst of that love you often set yourself up for a fall. I’m calling it the way I’ve seen it over and over again.

Moral to this short post is if they left you, it’s because they wanted too. That other person didn’t take them away from you, your significant other left of their own free will. Stop beating yourself up and live. You only have one life to live, please don’t live it being in an unhappy state of mind. Joy belongs to you.

Peace and love!!

YOU’VE HEARD IT TIME AND TIME AGAIN

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I found someone I know well in a dilemma that she willfully put herself in. It made me want to write about it and other things people are constantly doing, despite of the drama it causes. Many of the posts I have written are related in some sense or another. It’s because I’m trying to encourage, empower, motivate, or provide some type of knowledge. I talk relentlessly about things, but I realize no matter how much I write about it, many will not get it and many will not care or change their ways.

This is to my sister’s of all nationalities and ages. If you take in a guy who can’t rub two pennies together and who don’t have motivation or ambition to do anything; that is your fault. Don’t cry and complain because you’re pulling all of the weight. You cannot get water from a dry well. The fact that he’s cute and good in bed is neither here nor there. If you’re with someone yet you’re going around asking people for money because you’re short on your bills, that’s your fault and it’s a shame. You put yourself in that situation. Don’t be mad at anyone when they don’t want to help you support someone who isn’t doing anything for you and who is only taking from you. You can’t get anywhere if you continue to let someone hold you back and take everything you have and have worked to get. Get your act together and understand that if you don’t care what you let someone do to you, they won’t care what they do. A real man will love and care for his woman, not use her.

a. You’re moving in scums and bums! Some of you are moving in known sex offenders and abusers. Please stop this nonsense!

#2. My sister’s you do not have to show all that you have in order to be attractive or sexy. You don’t have to walk around in skin tight clothes or clothes that reveal everything you have IN ORDER to be considered attractive. You don’t have to have your boobs hanging out for everyone to see, we all know you have them. I don’t care how beautiful a woman is, if she has to do all of this, she clearly has issues. I don’t care how confident a woman CLAIMS to be, by doing this her actions shows something else. She’s trying to make a statement which goes beyond self confidence. In truth she has insecurities. Some of you may not agree and that’s fine. No woman has to reveal all she has to show how attractive she is and in fact a woman of true confidence will also have self respect. She knows she doesn’t have to dress in that way. Take it or leave, the choice is yours.

a. Men some of you dress no better. Your pants hanging down off of your butt isn’t attractive AT ALL! No one wants to see the crack of your butt. It’s nasty and disgusting.

#3 Men and women. If you’re in a relationship, whether married or not, you shouldn’t be trying to get into a relationship on the side. Men and women who are still going off of the deep end because of how someone looks (booty, boobs, body; period) are very shallow and immature. To mess up what you have over a piece of butt is plain stupid. If you’re not happy at home then leave, but STOP cheating. Grow up! Stop committing knowing full well you’re not ready to do so. Those of you who are married, if you’re not ready to be a faithful spouse stop saying I DO, when you know YOU DON’T! You know you wouldn’t want to be cheated on, so why do you cheat? It’s a sign that you have issues within yourself that you need to work out and until you do, STOP messing with the hearts of those you claim to love. It’s obvious you don’t love yourself. If you don’t know how to love yourself, you can’t be the person you should be to your significant other. A cheater will cheat no matter how good his or her significant other are.

#4 Men and women. You CAN’T change anyone no matter how much you love them, how much you try, or how much you pray or wish they would change. Stop getting into relationships; putting up with straight bull, because you think you have the power to change your significant other. YOU DON’T! Trust me your love isn’t enough. A person may choose to change, but it will be either because they will do it temporarily or they have realized it’s time they change. Either way it will be their decision NOT yours. When will you learn? Most of you end up heartbroken and in unhappy relationships.

#5 Men and women. Stop allowing yourselves to be mistreated and abused. Stop making excuses for the actions of those who supposedly love you. Stop making excuses for why you accept this type of treatment. It is not love and nothing and no one is worth it! A person who can’t be by his or herself is an unhappy person. Deal with yourself and the issues plaguing you which has caused you to constantly find yourselves in unhealthy relationships. People can see weaknesses in others and they will prey on you. An abuser  will do what they have to do to get you and once they do that’s it. They’re queens and kings of manipulation. They are clever! Many people find themselves in situations they didn’t plan on being in. People keep finding themselves in these types of situations when signs of who the other person was were shown long before their relationships got serious. Yet people choose to continue in these unhealthy relationships. The next thing they know they’re in situations they can no longer handle. Many lives have been lost due to bad decisions to remain in abusive relationships. Sadly people are still doing it. Why? It’s because of inner issues they need to deal with. People are so desperate for love they are willing to put up with any and everything to include all forms of abuse. LOVE IS NOT BLIND, PEOPLE ARE!

#6 . Let go of what is no longer happening to you. If someone has hurt you but you’re no longer going through that situation; let it go. People are continuing to be affected because consciously or subconsciously they’re holding on to whatever happened. Years continue to go by, but many of you are still in the same frame of mind. You’ve sabotaged your lives and relationships with others. Many of you are cursing God over your unwillingness to forgive, let go, and move on. You’re bitter, angry, and upset over something that is over. It is you who is hurting you by refusing to let go of what is done and over. I know there was pain, but what you’re feeling are residuals of the memories you refuse to let go of. I know I’ve been there! Things can change if you would be willing to forgive those who’ve hurt you and forgive yourself for holding on to unnecessary pain. It’s your choice to make. I pray you make it and stop ruining your lives, the lives of the children you’re bringing into this world, and the lives of others around you.

I can go on for days, but I won’t. God’s will; it’s about to be 2015. I challenge you to look at your lives. If you’re still going through the same stuff, dealing with the same situations, or in the same ole mess, IT’S TIME FOR A CHANGE! First I recommend Jesus. If you can give scums and bums a chance; surely you can give the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords one. If you can look for love in all of the wrong places; surely you can try looking in the right place for once; which is to God and His Son Jesus! Trust, Him, try Him! He will teach you how to love yourself and then you will be in better frames of mind to love others. You’ll no longer allow and accept all of the nonsense you’ve willfully allowed into your lives. That’s my prayer for you, you, and you!

SCENARIO’S (IT’S NO SECRET, YOU ALREADY KNEW)

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I bet many of you can relate to this post. Many of you are with or have been with individuals who knew you were EXACTLY how you are; yet they chose to be with you DESPITE of. They thought their love for you would somehow change you or save you from yourself. Now they have you and they can’t seem to stand you because of what they already knew. Most times they CLAIM they didn’t know. It’s no trick. They knew, but they were so in love until they decided of their own freewill to over look THE TRUTH. Which side of the coin are you? Did you get with someone despite of or did someone get with you despite of?

Many relationships suffer from issues individuals chose to accept in the courting phase. These issues go from the courting phase into the serious phase and on into marriages. It has happened forever, because people go entirely TOO MUCH by what they’re feeling instead of on the truth. They allow the feelings of their hearts to get them into relationships they later find they really didn’t want. People only realize the truth AFTER they open their eyes to the truth.

Scenario #1 Some women get married and their men love how strong and independent they are. They love their fire and passion for life, love, and standing firming on what they believe. A lot of these women are more assertive than their men and in the beginning the men love it. The men feel they have a good catch. For this post; the men with these women are passive and lack the initative of their women. Basically, in their relationships these women wear the pants so to speak. It was all good until the men come to the realization this is their reality. They also realize what their relationships are built on isn’t what will keep it together. They begin to loathe their women. Resentment and regret sets in on both sides. He sees her as pushy and controlling, she sees him as too passive, etc..etc. In this message I particularly stated women, but make no mistake; it goes both ways. Does this sound familiar? Both knew the truth, but chose to ignore it.

Scenario #2 You were very aware they had the tendency to sleep around, but you thought sex with you was out of this world and so unique that it’s enough to change him or her. Unfortunately by accepting their ways you found out it had no impact on them changing. Basically it showed them WHO YOU WERE and how they could treat you. He or she continued the same pattern, because by accepting it early on you let them know it was okay. The same thing you accepted in the beginning is what you will end up with. Now all you do is give him or her the blues about their indiscretions. Yet you already knew they were this way. Now that you got what you thought you wanted you find it’s not what you wanted after all.

Scenario #3 He or she treated you like crap before you got deeper into the relationship. They spoke to you and treated you in ways that were totally disrespectful and often in front of others, but you allowed blind love to lead you to believe they would change. Now after marriage you realize this is part of who they are and in fact things has gotten worse. This happens to so many couples. Anytime you accept crap from the start, it’s indeed what you’ll end up with.

Scenario #4 Being disrespected is bad enough, but many of you have also accepted abuse. You went on to exchange vows with someone you knew were already abusing you. They’ve verbally, physically, emotionally, etc abused you prior to marriage. You thought they would change, you pray they will change, you love them, but change doesn’t happen. These types of individuals become far worse than you ever imagined. The signs were there, but you chose to ignore them. Love isn’t blind at all, people are blind when it comes to love or what they think is love.

Scenario #5 He or she didn’t have as my mom would say back in the day “two pennies to rub together or anything to call their own.” Yet, you were so in love and infactuated with the idea of being in love you accepted them just the way they were. They were unmotivated and lazy, BUT they were so cute and good in bed. MISTAKE! Now you’re married and you’re tired and regretful, because they STILL won’t lift a finger to help out and now you cringe at the thought of sex with them. Holding down the household is all on you (no surprise, nothing changed) and it’s wearing you down and out. In the beginning you completely ignored this truth. Now you’re stuck with EXACTLY what you started out with.

Scenario 6 He or she had the player mentality. They flirted with anyone who seemed to enjoy it. They gawked at anyone they thought looked good (totally disrespecting you no matter where they were or who they were around). Although it used to get you upset, you accepted the behavior, because it was your man/woman and you loved them so much. You figured they were teasing, meant no harm, and you thought they would change. People must stop allowing others to do them any kind of way, because it’s exactly what will happen. Now you’re with someone you don’t trust and who you’re miserable and unhappy with. Some of you even feel it’s okay as long as they come home UNTIL you marry them. Then all of a sudden you tired of their behavior. Well, their behavior is something you shouldn’t ever accepted.

Scenario #7 The in laws can’t seem to keep their noses out of your affairs. Someone always has something to say. You may or may not say anything, because you love your significant other. The meddling causes arguments between the two of you, because your significant other won’t say anything their family. This scenario closely relates to people who are with momma boys and daddy girls or other family members they constantly allow in their relationship. A lot of relationships deal with this issue. Things like this has to be “nipped in the bud”, if not it will continue to cause disturbances in relationships. Some in laws are ruthless and if couples aren’t on one accord this can ruin relationships. It doesn’t only apply to in laws it applies to EX’S, and others. Everyone and I do mean everyone; should be put in their respectable places. It matters none IF your significant other has children by another person, NO ONE outside of the marital union should be an obstacle to you having a healthy relationship. If you take it from the start, you’re asking for things I guarantee you that you will come to dislike.

In, conclusion I seriously could go on for days on this one, because there are so many topics that comes into play. What I’m trying to say to you is STOP giving so much of yourselves yet getting nothing in return. Too many of you settle for crap in thinking it will change. Most likely it won’t. You’re no savior you can’t save anyone from their issues they have locked inside and allowing to ruin their lives. You can’t change anyone. An individual must want to change for his or herself. If you start a relationship taking foolishness from the other person BEFORE marriage. Guess what? It’s exactly what you will end up with.

You have to first know, love, and know how to treat yourself before you can love anyone else or truly know what kind of treatment is acceptable. If you get into relatioships for all of the wrong reasons or on feelings of emotions you will have some real tough issues on your hand.

I will say again, “the ONLY person you can change is you.” Looks, money, sex, position, status, what you have or what you can offer WILL not make another person be in love with you, treat you right, or make them change. If you show them it’s okay to treat you like crap, THEY WILL DO JUST THAT! If you don’t love yourself then crap is what you’ll accept because you won’t feel you deserve anything better. It’s not true!. It only means you have hings you need to work out within yourself, before you go falling in love with someone.

It’s so sad to see how many people are in horrible relationships when there were signs in EVERY one of them in the beginning showing the truth. People ignore the truth for many reasons. Being blind by love is only an EXCUSE! Today is the time for change, because remember; today is really all you have (right now).

Most relationships end the same way they start. What I mean is this; if a person was beat on, cheated on, or whatever; oftentimes it’s the same problem only intensified that will end the relationship. When I say end it doesn’t necessarily mean divorce. It can mean they’re still living together but yet completely separate. Unfortunately some of these relationships end in death, loss of mental peace, etc..etc.

Remember; this is the sugarfreeden, I’m not here to sugarcoat reality. I’ve known too many to have died in bad situations, because it is what they accepted in the beginning. I’ve known others to commit suicide or harm themselves due to stress added on to their own personal issues they’re dealing with.

People must accept the truth for what it is. Anytime you get into a relationship if you DON’T honestly look at the whole picture you will miss a lot. You will let a lot go, because you’re so into the other person. IF you do this, it is you who has issues you need to deal with. Step back and re-evaluate yourself. You deserve better for yourself and from anyone who is supposed to love you back. Your significant other will ALWAYS show you the truth by how they treat you. If you don’t accept the truth, IT’S NO ONE’S FAULT BUT YOURS!

AVOID THE CHEATER

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Okay, this is for both ladies and gents. You’ve been told they’re in a relationship, so what should you do? I think you should RUN! Game over! If you decide to stay you need to stop and re-evaluate who you are as a person. As I mentioned in an earlier post, a cheater is disrespecting you, who they’re with, and his or her self. Why would you continue to move on with this type of relationship? It shows a lack of self respect. I don’t care what reason a person gives for staying in the other relationship. It doesn’t matter! It’s off limits.

I’ve sat across from too many people who subject themselves to this type of situation. People get involved with those who are already in relationships; yet feel heart broken when they can’t get out of it what they want. You get exactly what you signed up for. You want to complain and give ultimatum’s. You have no right to do either. You knew the situation before you made the decision to continue with it.

Granted some people don’t know the other person is already in a relationship, because they lie. However, if you take heed to the signs that are present, I’m sure you could figure out something is going on. A person who’s taken can’t always be available and they have certain ways of doing things to try an prevent getting caught. They make excuses for everything. They use their moms, kids, other family members, the jobs, friends, or something for why they can’t be with you. They make excuses when they’re on the phone. Some will be cheating and talking to their significant other while they’re with the person they’re cheating with. If you think it’s okay, something is seriously wrong. A person who accepts this has no self esteem and insecurities they need to deal with. As long as this type of person gives the cheater their power, it will be taken.

Figure out why you feel you’re unworthy of someone who can love you, be honest with you, and be loyal to you. Learn how to love yourself in such a way that you won’t ever allow anyone to disrespect you this way again. If they are cheating with you, it means they will cheat on you, just as they cheat on their significant other. Cheaters have issues and it’s why they cheat. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with their significant others; it’s all about who a cheater is as a person.

I don’t care if they’re not married. It matters if they’re in a relationship with someone else. The bottom line is; he or she are already in a relationship. Case closed! How do you think relationships blossom into marriage or serious relationships? They start by being in a relationship with someone. So if the couple isn’t married, simply being in a relationship together matters. So please don’t get into a relationship with anyone who is already in one with someone else. I don’t care what they have to offer you, don’t do it.

Learn how to love yourself. Develop your confidence and self esteem. Face whatever insecurities you’re dealing with. Most times the insecurities evolve around unresolved past issues. Many people with unresolved past issues normally make bad life decisions especially when it comes to relationships. People treat you exactly how you allow them to treat you. Some people prey on the weaknesses of others. If you settle for trash, trash is what you’ll get. Don’t be fooled by what’s presented to you. Face the truth! When someone you’re interested is taken you should not become involved with this individual. You can definitely control it by avoiding it. If you dabble with it in your mind you’re only keeping it going in your mind. This can be avoided if you do the right thing; which is to avoid it and put if from your mind. You deserve better!

People could save themselves so much drama if they would stop going off of what they feel with their hearts and think of the entire picture (using their brains). It may feel good, but a situation such as this is never good. Anytime you cheat with someone who’s already in a relationship you’re wrong, wrong, wrong. Think about how you would feel if it happened to you. You wouldn’t like it. Treat people how you would like to be treated. You deserve better, but if you settle and allow any ole thing into your life, it is exactly what you will get. You can’t be mad at no one but yourself.