Unfaithful Accept it or Not

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You know it’s going on long before you act or react to it. A lot of people try to force something that shouldn’t be. They try to make people love them or want to stay when in reality you can’t. Unfortunately some people want to have a blind eye to the truth, it doesn’t make it any different. The truth is the truth. People can choose to do something about it or do nothing at all. Doing nothing at all is still doing something!

Life goes on! You can’t make a person stay or love you. If a person wants out open the door for them. If a person chooses to keep straying lock the door behind them when they go and don’t open it again. I’m not telling anyone to give up on their relationship. What I am saying is when in a relationship if you’re in a constant negative stay of mind it’s time to reexamine your relationship and yourself. When you no longer have any intimacy for your significant other it’s time to reassess. When you’re constantly arguing and fighting, it may be time to move on. If you have no peace of mind, it messes you up mentally, physically, and spiritually. When a person can’t stay faithful to you, then you learn to be faithful to yourself and send them down the road. People treat you how you let them treat you! No excuses!

MEN: Men who cheat almost never fail to show their hand. They simply lose their minds over someone new. They begin to do things they didn’t do before. They become bitter towards who they are with. They treat the one they supposed to love with disrespect and hatefulness. They dismiss the feelings and concerns of the one they are with. They always find an excuse to start an argument or to leave. They do stupid things, period!

Although responsible in some ways some men are still immature. These types of men are different, they are never satisfied with who they are with no matter how good. They want what they want without fully comprehending the risks. They normally try to control the one they are with even though they are out doing their thing. They don’t think things through, they simply go for what they want! They fail to realize the hurt and chaos they will cause. They are more interested in satisfying their flesh. Mature men, understand the risk and choose to be mature men to who they are with.

Maturity doesn’t necessarily come with age. Some people take a lot longer to mature. No matter how old some people are they are still led by their flesh. It’s sad! If a person don’t want to be committed in their relationship then they shouldn’t be in one. They should not be in any relationship until they deal with what’s causing them to be the way they are. Those who get into relationships do nothing but cause drama.

Individual’s who are constantly trying to be with other people when they are already in relationships don’t fully love self. If you don’t really love you, you can’t love someone else the way they deserve. These individual’s will always put aside what is right and wholesome to satisfy their flesh. Many people are making bad choices and decisions based on who they really are. What’s going on inside ruins what’s going on outside!

WOMEN: When a woman is with someone she will do all she can to make it work, but if there is no change her attitude will change and then her feelings and actions follow. If she meets someone who an thinks he’s given her what she’s not getting at home some women will stray. Some women will get so fed up they will leave. I thinks it’s wrong to stray or to leave one person for another. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side! Women show their hands too. They begin to stop doing the things they used to do. They find excuses also, they’ll do anything to get away from who they are with.

A lot of the problem with people is many get into relationships for all of the wrong reason. Most times when it’s wrong, the same way it started will normally be how it ends. You can’t expect to get into a relationship the wrong way and something great come from it. Most times it won’t work!

If you can’t love who you’re with, then perhaps you need to move on. Trying to stay where you’re not loved and respected is hard. Staying with someone when you are always straying is wrong. If you’re not happy with who you’re with why stay? I know for many people straying has nothing to do with who they are with, it has everything to do what’s going on inside of self that causes them to be who they are. At the end of the day I don’t care the reason, if a person can’t be faithful, they definitely shouldn’t be in a relationship. Many people in this world miss out on good relationships, because they are hanging on to bad ones!

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Staying Yet Straying

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Okay, here I go again. It is up to each individual as to what they choose in their relationships. However; you ARE to blame for what you allow. You’re to blame for what you accept and put up with. No one can do to you more than you allow. People allow much unnecessary drama in the name of love when love has nothing at all to do with it. Love isn’t those things a lot of people claim it to be.

People who stray outside of their relationships don’t do it because of the person their cheating on. Yes sometimes that person is a problem, but the real reason a person strays is due to their own inner issues. Some people make all of the excuses in their world, but at the end of the day, they cheat, because they want to.

If you stray it’s no one’s decision to do it, but yours. If you stay after he or she strays it’s no one’s decision, but yours to do it. People stray for many reasons, but the fact of the matter is those reasons are all excuses. People cheat because they want to and them wanting to come from other underlined unresolved issues. People stay for the same reason. People who stay give excuses as to why, however truth be told their reasons all boils down to what’s going on inside of them. This is normally due to long ago unresolved issues. People seek love no matter the consequences; which is a sad thing!

I’m all for people remaining together. However, only in healthy relationships! Anyone who stays in an unhealthy relationship must look at the man/woman in the mirror and figure out why. Anyone who’s cheating on their significant other must do the same. Facing inner issues is detrimental in being able to grow into mature adults.

Society is full of tainted and broken people filled with toxicities of their pasts. When people don’t deal with their issues it affects every facet of their lives (relationships, jobs, decisions, choices, health, etc). People embed themselves into all types of positions only to have their demons surface to the top and ruin their opportunities. People get into relationships with clear indications it’s bad from the start only to allow their demons and their significant others demons to rise up and interfere with the relationship.

“The blind can’t lead the blind, unless they both fall in the ditch.” You can’t save anyone and no one can save you! You can’t change anyone and no one can change you. As I will continue to say; families, friends, and significant others may motivate, inspire, or influence you, but the decision to be saved or change falls on the individual who needs it. People think their love making skills, cooking, material things, looks, statuses, titles; may influence a person to change. NOT necessarily!! Even if a person changes due to some type of influence if they don’t change because they feel a need to change the change will not be lasting. It will ONLY be temporary to appease the other person or the situation. The same issues will come up again and again.

Every last one of us can put on facades pretending to be this or that, but every single time something will show the truth. It may be subtle, but nevertheless the truth will always present. Who a person try to hide and who a person is are different for immature people who think they are mature. Those who pretend to be one way yet knowing they’re another show the true signs at some point. It is shown through their actions, decisions, choices, etc. It NEVER fails! We can run, change locations, change jobs, hide, deceive, pretend, disguise, put on facades. However, we can’t EVER run or hide from the truth. We can’t run or hide from self! The truth lies within!! Unless a person resolve their issues they will NOT mature to be the people they’re destined to be.

A cheater will cheat until he or she decides to deal with the inner man or woman and come to the conclusion they are better than that. They are never satisfied with who they have, because they don’t truly love self, due to their inner issues. They choose not to be faithful and loyal to no one, because they can’t be faithful or loyal to self. They are immature in their thinking and for them it’s about gratification of the flesh (physical body, their eyes, material things, statuses, etc).

A person will stay in an unhealthy relationship (cheated on, beat on, disrespected, mistreated in all forms), until they deal with the inner man or woman and decide they deserve better; which starts with loving self. It’s always up the individual. You, you, and I! Every last one of us willfully choose what we allow into our lives. We can make excuses, but what we choose falls on us individually.

The Other Woman/Mistress

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After a conversation I had this weekend, I felt a need to talk about the above topic. There are many women who put themselves in positions to be categorized as the “other woman or the mistress.” It’s NOTHING to be proud of by no means. Some women have the audacity to call the wife or girl friend and tell her they’re sleeping with their husband or boyfriend. Many tell the wife or girlfriend explicit things about the relationships they’re having with the wives or girlfriends of significant others. This isn’t okay , it’s wrong, immature, and stupid.

My advice to any “other woman or mistress” is to get a life of their own and stop trying to ruin other women’s relationships. What this type of woman is doing proves she is a woman who don’t have a clue about what she needs and knows nothing about love. If she knew what she needed she certainly wouldn’t be with some other woman’s man.  If she knew anything about love, she would not seek it with a man who is already in a relationship; this type of situation has nothing to do with love.

If a man whose in a relationship approaches a woman she has the choice to tell him to beat it! Playing with fire can cause you to be burned (both of them)! Any woman who thinks it’s okay to mess around with someone else’s man is a woman who lacks integrity, values, morals, and a host of other things. Some of these women act heart broken when the men don’t leave their women or they harass the wives or girlfriends. It’s ridiculous.

Any woman who brags and boast about sleeping with someone else’s man is foolish. She is a woman who have no respect for herself and too immature to understand what she’s doing will come right back on her. This type of woman is very ignorant to think she has it going on because she’s with someone else’s man. First of all she obviously can’t get her own and secondly she’s very foolish to want someone else’s man. If he’s cheating with her on his wife or girlfriend, he’s showing upfront he’s no good. He’s showing upfront he isn’t trustworthy. He’s showing upfront he lacks morals and values. He showing upfront his commitment and dedication to a relationship are seriously flawed. He’s showing he’s immature.

If a woman thinks she’s doing something good by being with someone else’s man, the last laugh will be from the wife or girlfriend, because he will do to her the same thing he’s done to his wife or girlfriend. Sadly she’s too caught up in her emotions to see the truth.

Women must stop allowing themselves to get involved with men who are already involved with other women. STOP accepting ANY type of excuse from these no good men. If he says he’s going through a divorce then let him get through it. If he says they’re separated, then let him get a divorce. If he says he’s staying with her for the children, then he’s not for you, because he’s in a relationship already. If he says they only live together, but they aren’t together, LIES, LIES, LIES! Stop falling for it. Stop falling for it no matter what the excuse he gives to you. He’s with someone should be enough to send him on his way. I realize sometimes women are lied to by these men, but I believe if she is paying attention he will reveal in some way or another the truth. The signs will be present!

The man isn’t putting the other woman or mistress in a predicament or situation; she’s putting herself in one by going along for the ride. The particular woman that made me want to write this post bragged to the wife about she was paying the bills in her house (the wife’s house). How DUMB can you be???? If a woman is with a married man and she’s paying his bills, she is very stupid! Bad enough she’s in a relationship with him, but even worse; she’s paying his bills. On top of it she’s bragging to the wife about it. Very silly indeed! This is a woman who is led by her emotions into foolishness. She’s thinking with her heart and not her brain. The same way she’s bragging to the wife;  he’s bragging to his friends how he got him a sucker. Believe that!!

Although this post is about women it also relates to men as well. Some men do the exact same thing. They fall for women who are already with someone. It doesn’t matter who does it, it’s wrong! If a person can’t be faithful then they shouldn’t be in a relationship at all. Sometimes to cheat on someone cost people their lives. People aren’t playing games anymore they will take you out when you mess with their emotions. Don’t take any chances with ruining what you have.

I pray for anyone with a cheating spirit to get their lives together and change their ways before they destroy their lives. If you know you can’t be faithful it’s best to walk away before you find yourself in a situation you can’t handle. Marriage is supposed to be sacred. If you’re in a relationship but not committed you are wrong. If you don’t want to be there then it’s not where you should be. Karma is for real and it will bite you when you least expect it. Some of these women you cheat on aren’t playing and neither are some of the women you cheat with. You don’t know what doors you’re opening when you start messing with people’s emotions. Infidelity can get a person in a situation they regret. This goes for a cheating man or a cheating woman.

 

You Signed Up For It

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Many people are okay with their significant others cheating as long as they come home. Bull crap and they must be nuts!! Some people take this stance when it comes to their significant others and I think it’s absolutely stupid. This shows signs of desperation and insecurities.  As long as the green light is green and you are okay with it, they will proceed.

I understand loving someone and being in love with that person, however if they are trying to “have their cake and eat it too”, there’s a problem. Too many people settle with cheating. If you’re a person who is okay with being cheated on then something is wrong with you! A person will do to you whatever you take and allow.

Some people are okay with it, because they don’t want to start over, be alone, or lose their benefits (money, material things, place to stay, etc). Benefits for some is sex, shallow, but true! Starting over is tough, but it’s not the end of the world. If you can’t be alone with yourself, it indicates you don’t love yourself for some reason/s. Individual’s such as this need to deal with their own issues (first). If you have your own you wouldn’t have to worry about losing what someone else has afforded you.

I’m not suggesting to anyone to leave their relationships, what I am trying to relay is if you act as if being cheated on is okay, this attitude does nothing to help your situation. If you’re a person who is okay with it, then it CLEARLY says something is wrong with you. No woman or man should be okay with it. When I hear people say I’m okay as long as he/she comes home. I literally want to shake some sense into their heads.

If you truly love someone and are in love with that individual, there’s no way on earth you’re okay with them sleeping with or being with someone else. You can say it all day, but in your heart, you know it’s a lie. People say it’s okay, because they know their significant others will do it regardless, because it’s the foundation they have built in their relationships.

People don’t wake up and decide to cheat, they were already cheating in some capacity. There are far too many who allow this behavior from the start. In my opinion you nip it in the bud from the gate! People cheat not because they hate who they are with, but because of what’s inside of them individually. They are led by the dark part of who they are. They have issues they need to deal with within themselves. They tell whoever they are with they love them, however; truth is they don’t know what love is. If they did they certainly wouldn’t cheat on their significant others. It’s not about being in love, it’s about self gratification and seeking something outside of what they already have; despite the risks.

Synopsis of Cheaters and Those who accept it

If you accept a cheater then you’re just as messed up as the cheater. Something is wrong with both of these types of individuals. Many people get into relationships with those who are already in relationships with other people, SOMETHING IS WRONG with anyone who does this!  Trust me, the very thing that made you smile will make you cry later.

Some men and women leave their significant others for the OTHER  person ONLY to cheat on the OTHER person as well who by the way acts surprised when they are being cheated on (really)!! It’s EXACTLY what was signed up for by you!

If from the start you continued in a relationship with someone who was cheating on you, then you knew what you were signing up for.

If you are okay with your significant other being in a commitment, but not committed, then you will get from him or her exactly what you signed up for.

The moral of this post is as I’ve written and stated many times; people do to you what you allow and what you accept. If you don’t value and respect yourselves then don’t expect for anyone else to. Wake up people and see the truth. Most people cause their own heartaches and headaches by signing up for bull crap! If you’re led by what you’re feeling and not looking at the big picture, you will suffer the consequences of your actions. Everything that looks, tastes, or feel good isn’t always good for you. If it belongs to someone else, then it doesn’t belong to you and you shouldn’t want or desire it! If you do then you need to look at the man or woman in the mirror and deal with him or her, because something is wrong!

Cheating is Intentional

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I don’t care what excuse people give for cheating, IT IS INTENTIONAL! First of all if you’re in a relationship with ANYONE and you go looking for someone else, it’s absolutely intentional. The “it just happened” is nonsense and a lie. It never just happens and  it isn’t a mistake; it’s a bad decision! It’s bad decisions many choose to make.

People know their intentions and their hearts better than any individual. When a person know they  have a cheating spirit they shouldn’t become involved in any committed relationship because they don’t know the first thing about commitment? If a person has the desire to cheat they aren’t ready for commitment!

Sorry – Forget about it! It’s an abused and misused word. Cheater’s are quick to say sorry when they know they’re intentionally when it comes to cheating. People already know that by cheating it will hurt the one they’re with and they know there are many risks when stepping outside of their relationships, yet many will do it.

If a person isn’t ready for a commitment why enter into one? It is a question many need to ponder over. Cheating shows immaturity, lack of commitment, amongst other issues. Many individuals are in relationships yet continuing to seek out other people without taking the time to think of the consequences of their actions. Every part of cheating is an intentional act!

Cheating is something which shows the true characteristic of an individual. A cheater can pretend to be this or that, but the fact of the matter is they are liars and they are not trustworthy. They don’t have the mindset to be committed, because they are driven by what they want when they want it despite the devastation it may cause in their lives and the lives of others. They are selfish people who need to change their ways!

We all know some people will cheat, however when you don’t require respect in your relationships you won’t get it. As I always say  you teach people how to treat you and they will always treat you exactly how you allow.

Stop Wanting What You Won’t Give

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A lot of people expect things from the one’s they supposedly love when they aren’t willing to do those things.  If you’re in a relationship it’s no longer all about you, there’s another person to think of as well. Too many people are in relationships doing things they wouldn’t want their partners doing.

It’s unfair to expect your partner to be a certain way when you yourself is another. Some people demand respect when they don’t give it. Why do people think this is right? When you’re in a relationship and not respecting the one you’re with this will pose as a problem. One isn’t anymore deserving of respect then the other. No matter what; those in relationships should always respect the one they’re with. I really dislike seeing a woman or man disrespecting who they are with. It’s very distasteful and wrong. There’s no big I’s and little u’s in relationships. I don’t care what the situation is, there should be respect both ways at all times. Don’t say he or she doesn’t deserve respect, because it is who you chose! That’s why people must go into relationships with their eyes open wide  seeing the truth and not wide open without the ability to see a thing. Those with their eyes wide open, but can’t see; will not be able to see past their emotions and  will end up in relationships they’re unhappy with.

There is a lot of cheating going on in relationships. Oftentimes men find it very hard to accept when their women stray, but seem to think it’s acceptable for them to do so. Wrong? Cheating defiles and ruins the relationships, period! Cheating is cheating, if a man knows he can’t take it happening to him then he shouldn’t do it. I once counseled a man who left his wife for cheating,; even though he cheated many times before she did. Again, cheating is cheating and it’s devastating no mater who does it. Think before defiling your relationships, once you cross the line oftentimes it’s difficult to get it back on track. If you can’t take it, don’t attempt to dish it out!

Many people are looking for certain things in relationships that they aren’t willing to give. People want to be loved, but don’t know how to love. They want to be in relationships, knowing they can’t be faithful.  They get into relationships , but still want to live the single life. It’s ridiculous and an immature way of thinking.  If people would be honest with themselves and face their own truths this would prevent a lot of failed relationships. Any individual know who they are better than anyone else. Unfortunately people fake, pretend, shuck, and jive.  This is why marriages and relationships are falling by the wayside.

In other words, look at yourself and then look at the one you are with. If you can’t be to him or her what you want them to be to you, then it’s time you get yourself together and do the right thing by the one you claim to love. It’s as simple as that!

Think about EVERYTHING before you do it! Peace, love, and happiness to you all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FOLLOWING YOUR HEART WHEN IT ALREADY BELONGS TO SOMEONE ELSE

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Yes, you read it right! People are doing this every single day. When a person is already in a committed relationship WHY pursue someone else? If a person isn’t happy with whom they’re with, FIX it or move on, but don’t complicate things by getting into another relationship while you’re already with someone else. If you’re NOT willing to be faithful the relationship should end before it begins.

Oftentimes the problem lies in the meaning of commitment, because one person may think it’s a committed relationship, the other person may not! These days and times a ring and marriage means nothing to many. Commitment seems to be falling by the wayside; which is a very sad thing. People know what commitment means, but because of who individuals really are they can’t live up to it. You can’t fix a problem by adding to the problem. It only makes the problem worse.

If you are with someone married or not, commitment is commitment. If you are looking for something on the outside you will most likely find it. If you allow another person to cloud your judgment it’s really NOT them, it’s you. You have allowed your heart to lead you somewhere you shouldn’t be. It’s clear you’re not thinking right, because if you were you wouldn’t entertain or pursue thoughts of another person. There are many who are in relationships, but they shouldn’t be and they know it. They know who they really are and what they really want. Yet many continue to get into and stay in relationships for the wrong reasons.

It’s easy to be faithful, but you can’t if you aren’t trying to be; and that’s the bottom line! Some people go after what they desire at all cost, because they are in their feelings and riding on waves of emotions, but they’re not using good judgment at all. Basically they have lost focus and are fixated on self-gratification. These are selfish people. They don’t truly consider the affect messing around with someone else will have on their current relationships. All they want is the other person. Most don’t really consider the consequences until it’s too late.

Not every man cheats and not every woman cheats. Those who do are people who have insecurities, issues, and have NOT matured. They’re still trying to light their matches at both ends. Well eventually people like this will get burnt! A couple of good movies to watch are “A Thin Line Between Love and Hate, Tyler Perry’s “Temptation” and “Unfaithful.”  I referenced these movies, because NOT only do people end up with more than they bargained for from the person they’re cheating ON, they end up with more than they bargained for from the ones they’re cheating WITH.

Those who are cheated on mustn’t allow it to devastate and destroy their lives. If people accept the signs that are always present, it’s shouldn’t be a shock. It’s a shock to those who are living with their “eyes wide shut.” You can ignore or pretend it’s not happening, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t. It’s doesn’t matter how much you love him or her if they don’t love and respect you and the relationship in the same way ;there will be big issues in the relationship. Your love for him or her will NOT make them faithful to you.

One thing I’ve learned in life is that people give every ounce of themselves to other people to the point that they almost can’t function without the other person (some can’t). I think this is NOT the way anyone should be towards another human being. Love them; but NOT more than you love yourself, IF you do you will accept and allow things that you shouldn’t. Remember, it’s not all about how you feel towards him or her; it’s also how they feel about and treat you. A person can say they love you all day, but the truth shows in their actions towards you. If you choose to ignore the truth, then you will ultimately suffer the consequences. As I’ve written many times before, if you allow yourself to be treated any type of way, that’s exactly how you will be treated.