Our World Need Parents to Parent

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There is too much going on in this world with children. Parents must be parents to their child/children. This means you should put being their friend on the back burner. This also means parents need to remember who is parent.

It’s okay to be cool with your child and for your child to know they can come to you with anything. However, there should be an unmistaken line that shouldn’t be crossed. The child should always know their role. No parent on this earth should be afraid of their child.

Many parents are afraid of their child/children because they have set the standards for the child to have control they shouldn’t have. They haven’t set any boundaries. When you give them the wheel they will drive! If you lose control for long enough it’s very hard to re-gain if at all. When they are toddlers etc it’s easier to get it together, however, when they become teenagers it’s much harder to re-gain the control.

Too many people are having children who shouldn’t have them. They aren’t mature enough or financially ready, yet they are having them. The kids don’t get what they need and many are neglected and abused because of it. I’m not saying all, but many are.

Too many parents are more focused on their own lives and not enough on the lives of their children. They are too busy with work and other things. This leaves room for television, the streets, video games, internet, and social media to influence their children in many negative ways. If you’re an active parent who is indeed parenting you can be a filter and you can set guidelines and rules for your child to follow.

Too many parents are failing to sit down and talk with their children to see what is going on in their lives. They allow them to do what they want. Parents aren’t allowed in their children rooms (really? please!) Parents don’t check on what their children are watching or listening too. They don’t know what their children are doing on social media. Kids are meeting men and women and running away to meet them, oftentimes they end up dead. They are social media posting pictures they should post and getting involved with radical groups or groups that influence them to partake in the evil things. Learn to communicate with your child and be active in their lives. Always be vigilant and mindful of what they are doing.

Some people don’t discipline their children then they send them to school and have attitudes when the teachers discipline them. The nerves!!!! Stop sending out of control kids to schools; then trying to tie the teachers hand in how they control their classrooms. A teacher have every right to maintain control in their classroom and if they can’t because of out of control students, don’t blame the teacher for disciplining your child. Children are only in school about 8 hours a day, they should know how to go to school and act. No teacher should lay hands on a child, but they certainly should be able to discipline and maintain control in their classrooms.

Children need structure and discipline. If parent’s don’t really know how to handle their children, then they should seek help through counseling and/or parenting classes. Stop allowing your children to raise themselves, stop allowing everything and everyone but you to raise your children, and stop allowing them to run amok! Parents should be their children’s hero’s and greatest influencers. Set your children up for the future!

When parents are more worried about being their child’s friend then being parents; something is wrong! Parent’s should be parents #1! Some relationships people have with their children are unhealthy. Anytime a child is allowed to do whatever they want it’s not a good thing.

Many things children learn can impact them for their lifetime. Behaviors are learned (good or bad). How can you expect a child to learn something positive if they weren’t ever taught? It is the parents responsibility to teach their children so they grow into productive mature adults. Letting children have it their way enables them and it can also cripple and stunt their growth. Parents who are afraid of their children teaches some of them how to be bullies and manipulative without meaning to do so. If a child gets away with it at home they think they can anywhere else.

One sad and major problem is too many people are becoming parents who have major issues and who don’t love self. They have all types of issues, yet they willfully choose to bring children into this world. This leaves room for much negativity. Kids are abused in all types of ways by their parents, people in the lives of their parents, and others. It’s because when a person is dealing with many issues, they aren’t in the right mindset to be a parent to anyone, because they will teach their children their ways which will more than likely be negative. Then the children grow into negative adults riddled with all types of issues. This is a lot of the problems going on in our world. Adults with all kinds of issues raising children to be like them with all types of issues who turn into adults with all types of issues. The cycle continues.

Children need parents who will parent. Parents need to stop making excuses and be parents! No one on earth asked to be born. The parent nor the child. However, the parent most times willfully choose to become parents. If you are going to be a parent, then you must be a responsible one. Take responsibility of raising your child. This world is full of people and things (streets, social media, etc. etc), who will raise your child and instill negative things if you do not do your job as a parent. We are seeing products of this every single day. You can’t know what is going on in your child’s life if you’re not an active part of it! You can not parent if you have given control to your child! If you don’t have control, get it before it’s too late!!!!!

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CONSTANT FIGHTING

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When you’re in a relationship and there’s constant discord, this is very unhealthy. Too many individuals are focused on trying to change their partners when they need to worry about changing themselves.

You can’t change your significant other it’s pointless trying. They must want to change on their own. Many of you know exactly what you got before you got deep into your relationships, now you want the person to change. You fight over things your significant others do although they’re doing what they’ve done since day one. It’s no surprise! The only difference is you’ve made deeper commitments and now you want something different from him or her.

Some of you fight in front of your children and then you wonder why they’re so angry or rebellious. Please understand the influences you have over your young children. All of the fighting interferes with your children’s (those of you who have them) psyche and stages of development. Children don’t know how to process this behavior and it’s not fair to them to have to deal with it. If you can’t handle it how do you think a child can handle it?

If you really love one another and simply don’t know how to communicate there are many avenues to seek help. Communication is necessary from the start. When couples don’t have effective communication they have all sorts of problems. It doesn’t only cause problem for the couple but for everyone in the household, especially when it’s out of control.

Some couples take their fighting to the streets airing all of their dirty laundry. This is so bad. It is also very immature. People are waiting to see you acting foolish in public. Stop fighting, grow up, and learn how to effectively communicate. To do so benefits everyone in the home.

ALLOWING YOUR PAST TO RUIN YOUR PRESENT

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Many will be able to relate to this post. I can’t tell you the amount of people (all ages, race, and gender) I’ve met over the years who are allowing their past to interfere and sabotage their lives. The past for each of us is long gone. In reality the truth is no one’s past causes them pain. It can’t; because it is no more. What causes an individual pain is the memories they hold of their past. These memories are derived from our thoughts. Our thoughts fuel everything in our lives. It determines how we perceive any situation whether traumatic or not. If you take things in and consider them as bad, bad is how you will mostly react to them.

People are stuck in their lives due to unfortunate events they experienced years before. They hold on to thoughts which in return fuels their feelings and behaviors. They continue to go back to those memories and by doing so it continues to make them think, feel, and react a certain way to what they’re thinking about. This is doing nothing but sabotaging the ability to grow.

No matter what a person has endured as a child they can get past the pains of it, IF they really want to. People for whatever reason no matter how much pain and drama it causes in their lives will hold on to what they are familiar with. This is due to distorted ways of thinking. As children it is true troubles in life are started by others, because as a child you’re exposed to other people (parents, siblings, friends, other family, and others). As a child you don’t really comprehend what it means to take ownership of your actions, etc. You don’t understand how to effectively deal with traumatic episodes.

When a child goes through these traumatic periods in life if they don’t resolve what’s ailing them before entering into adulthood they will move on through their stages of development, but they don’t grow. They remain fixated in whatever stage they haven’t resolved. They then grow into adults who are still carrying issues of their childhood with them into their adult lives. As a child you may not quite understand how to deal with those issues, but as an adult you can no longer blame them on your past. It’s time to face them and move on from them. If not you will remain stuck for a lifetime. Someone may still not understand what I’m writing. I will try to elaborate with a few scenarios.

For instance: As a child may have been beaten by your parents, abandoned, neglected, sexually abused, called all kinds of names or something similar. You could have been a child who was raised by substance abusing parents and it’s all you saw as a kid. You may have never been shown love (never was embraced or heard the words I love you). You may of been a kid who had to fend for yourself. You may of had parents who were around but not around (you were raised by the nanny or someone else and you never got the attention you needed). You may have been raised by parents who were so busy being your friend they failed to parent (the home had no structure or discipline and you did whatever you wanted). You may of had parents who fought all of the time (your home was full of chaos). You may of had parents who themselves were depressed, suicidal, etc. You may have been a kid who saw your mom abused in all kinds of ways. You have been molested or raped by parents, family members or friends of the family. The list of examples are endless.

What happens is you hold those feelings inside as you go through your stages of development (toddler, adolescence, teenager, young adult, adult, etc). You’re trying to deal with what you’re going through and in the midst of it all you still continue to grow up. You may become bitter, angry, promiscuous, antisocial, suicidal, homicidal, on and on.

A child who doesn’t bond with their parent; as an adult will most likely have problems forming and keeping intimate relationships (close friendships, significant others, or socializing period). If as a child you’ve been verbally abused or physically abused all of it can cause prolonged issues if feelings are held inward. Anything horrific a child endures as they continue through their stages of development can cause fixation and they will definitely become adults still dealing with the same issues. Most don’t really mature even though they get older and they hide a lot from others. They may become dependent (clingy and needy), co-dependent (happiness based on someone else), lack of esteem, no confidence, alcohol and drug abusers, and many other things. It’s all because they’re dealing with the memories of those past events. They allow this to hold them back in life.

No one on earth has to live way. It’s not the past that’s causing the pain. It’s the memories of it. You must seek help on how to rid yourself of the distorted way of thinking. It is why you keep going through the same things in your current life. This is why many are struggling with issues they can’t seem to get over. It’s all in their way of thinking. Those bitter feelings and the bad behaviors are directly linked to the way you think. Change the way you think and you can change your entire life. You have to really want to do it and have the will to do it. You must be CONSISENT on your journey to change. You don’t have to continue to give your power to memories of your past. Stop treating yourself badly, you dealt with that already. You deserve better, no matter what anyone says. No more negative ways of thinking. It’s time for a change.

You don’t have to walk around hating anyone or being bitter and angry over something that has happened in your past. Many of you don’t speak to family or friends today, because of it. This doesn’t only pertain to dealing with the past. I know this post is about the past, but changing your way of thinking works for every situation you may encounter in life (past or present). Constantly thinking about negative things causes you to have ill feelings about them or causes you to continue holding on to the anger you’ve felt over it. It messes with you; mind, body, and soul. It affects every part of your being and your life.

If this is you, please seek help. You hold the key to change inside, you just have to believe it and want it. Make that first step today! I believe in you and I know it’s absolutely possible.