What you Allow Tells the Truth About you

Standard

Although this can affect all facets of a person’s life, I am right back on the subject of people in abusive relationships. In the past two weeks I’ve heard of 2 women and 1 man dying at the hands of their significant others.

I’ve said and written countless times if you’re too afraid to leave you’ve stayed too long. If you feel trapped, you’ve stayed too long. Too many people continue to get into abusive relationships.

I believe what people accept and allow in their lives indicates who they really are. It shows a lot about the individual. People can pretend all day the truth shows in the decisions and bad choices people make.

No one is exempt! This happens to rich and famous as well as all races and genders. The only exempt people are those who have matured to a point of understanding who they are and loving self. These people will NOT allow just any ole person into their lives. They want what is best for them. They do NOT allow their hearts to lead without using their brains at the same time. They know what feels good isn’t necessarily good for them. They know “everything glitters isn’t gold.” They know people say one thing, but will do another. They aren’t led or influenced into relationships by their feelings, because they have learned to walk away from anything that is potentially unhealthy for them. It’s something people learn to do when they learn from their past choices and decisions, when they figure out and work on self, and when they learn to love self enough to demand better for self.

Many people are full of baggage they’ve carried for years which has caused them insecurities to include low esteem and low self confidence. The problem is people are in denial. Most people think they have it together, but if they would step away from their feelings and look at the truth they will see they don’t. People need to step out of their feelings into the truth. The truth hurts, because it’s the truth. The truth shows us the real deal whether it’s accepted or not.

Many people choose to get into and stay into unhealthy relationships because they are looking for love. They think by being with someone they will have love and security. You can’t find something in someone you don’t have in yourself. When people do this they are left with more heartaches and pains then before they entered into their relationships. They are totally blind by their perceptions of the truth. Their self esteem and confidence is very low and they normally are full of self blame. They lie and try to hide the abuse they endure and the take the blame many times when they are publicly abused.

All of this allowance and acceptance is due to what people feel about self. They don’t think they deserve better. They accept the wrong people into their lives. They desperately want love, when they obviously don’t know what love is, and when they don’t even love self.

When entering into relationships people must know what they need above what they want and the difference between the two. If you don’t know the difference research it and then think about it. In relationships getting what you want is based mostly on feelings of the heart (sex, money, looks, statuses of people, material things). None of it will hold a relationship together and none of it makes a person into who you wish for them to be. People are led by their feelings and emotions. They want what makes them feel good instead of what is good for them. This has led many into abusive relationships with deadly consequences for many.

Stop thinking it’s love when a person wants constant controlling tabs on you, when they tell you what to wear, when they tell you where you can and can’t go, when they ostracize you from others, when they want to control your time, when you can’t do anything without them being present, when they (push, spit on, hit you in any form) you, when they are very disrespectful in how they speak to you while alone or in public, or when they have total control over the relationship. There are many other things abusive people will do, NONE of it is love. They are displaying dangerous warning signs.

There is a difference between loving and caring for a person’s well being versus trying to control a person in obsessive and possessive ways. It is NOT love! People who do this has deep seated issues. Those who accept and allow it also has their own deep seated issues. There are ALWAYS signs, I don’t care if they’re subtle or not, they are always present. Love isn’t blind, people are blind in what they think is love.

Many people get caught up in their feelings. They think what they feel is real. They think what they feel is good for them. How do you know what’s good for you when you don’t know what love is and you don’t love yourself enough to adhere to what’s NOT good for you? People who are searching for love grab and hold on to anything making them feel good, even when it’s not good. They are blind by those feelings and emotions. They oftentimes make excuses for their abusers. They don’t understand this is enabling and giving their abusers the green light to continue abusing them. It has NOTHING to do with love.

When a person doesn’t know their worth outwardly they make act differently, but inside they are full of insecurities coming to the surface. It shows through the allowances and acceptances in their lives. A person can fake and pretend all day, but the truth shows. As I stated earlier NO ONE is exempt. Until people wake up they will continue to get into and stay in abusive relationships. Unfortunately many will continue to die at their hands of their significant others.

Advertisements

Love has Nothing to do With it

Standard

Love has nothing to do with it, because the people I am writing about knows nothing about love. They are only faithful, dedicated, and committed to self in their own warped ways. Meaning they get what they want, when they want it, and by any means necessary.

Many people are married or in long term relationships, but they aren’t faithful. They are some of the saddest people alive. I believe some of the biggest reasons people are in unhealthy and unhappy relationships they don’t take the time to get to know who they are with; because they fall too quickly, they feel pressured or obligated to become married, they do it because their friends or family have done it, and the biggest reason of all is they get into relationships for all of the wrong; with the wrong people for reasons beyond those I’ve just listed. Most can’t find the right one, because they are too busy trying to make it with the wrong one.

Love has nothing to do with why a person cheats. People cheat because of who they really are. What’s inside is sure to come out. They have pent up issues which makes them into who they are. These types of people take all types of risks to get what they want. They cheat multiple times and claim to be sorry, but they aren’t, they’re only sorry they get caught.

Many people are confused; but instead of dealing with their issues, they make bad choices and decisions. They continue to do the same things; getting the same results. They involve other people into their messed up lives causing havoc, heartache, and pain. This is why people should be very careful who they allow into their lives. Believe me when I write cause a person makes you feel good doesn’t mean they are good for you.

It’s hard for people to see through their issues. They allow their issues to consume them causing them to live dysfunctional lives. They don’t really care about anything other than self gratification. Oftentimes they cause pain to their significant others without remorse. They are full of hurt and pain so they inflict it into the lives of their significant others. They are oftentimes clueless as to why they continue to be unfaithful. I don’t care what a person says about their significant other, it’s not their significant other’s fault they cheated, they cheated because it’s a bad decision they made to cheat.

People shouldn’t ever get into serious relationships or marriages knowing they aren’t ready to be faithful. However, sad as it is, people do it every day. They get into relationships and then expect for their significant others to want to stay with them and deal with their mess. People need to think about the consequences of their actions and the risks they take of their own freewill.

A person may not know who they are with, but the person they are with know what’s going on with self. They know they have issues and they know they aren’t ready to be faithful. In their states of mind, they really aren’t capable of being faithful, because they only do what they want despite the pain it causes. They don’t know what they need, because they’re too focused on getting what they need. Love has nothing to do with it!

No one can see the truth until they are able to see past their feelings and emotions. With feelings and emotions cones hurt and pain. A person who is able to see beyond their feelings and emotions will be very careful NOT to become involved with those who can’t. It’s easy to see the truth when you can SEE the truth! Think about that for a moment!!!

You Signed Up For It

Standard

Many people are okay with their significant others cheating as long as they come home. Bull crap and they must be nuts!! Some people take this stance when it comes to their significant others and I think it’s absolutely stupid. This shows signs of desperation and insecurities.  As long as the green light is green and you are okay with it, they will proceed.

I understand loving someone and being in love with that person, however if they are trying to “have their cake and eat it too”, there’s a problem. Too many people settle with cheating. If you’re a person who is okay with being cheated on then something is wrong with you! A person will do to you whatever you take and allow.

Some people are okay with it, because they don’t want to start over, be alone, or lose their benefits (money, material things, place to stay, etc). Benefits for some is sex, shallow, but true! Starting over is tough, but it’s not the end of the world. If you can’t be alone with yourself, it indicates you don’t love yourself for some reason/s. Individual’s such as this need to deal with their own issues (first). If you have your own you wouldn’t have to worry about losing what someone else has afforded you.

I’m not suggesting to anyone to leave their relationships, what I am trying to relay is if you act as if being cheated on is okay, this attitude does nothing to help your situation. If you’re a person who is okay with it, then it CLEARLY says something is wrong with you. No woman or man should be okay with it. When I hear people say I’m okay as long as he/she comes home. I literally want to shake some sense into their heads.

If you truly love someone and are in love with that individual, there’s no way on earth you’re okay with them sleeping with or being with someone else. You can say it all day, but in your heart, you know it’s a lie. People say it’s okay, because they know their significant others will do it regardless, because it’s the foundation they have built in their relationships.

People don’t wake up and decide to cheat, they were already cheating in some capacity. There are far too many who allow this behavior from the start. In my opinion you nip it in the bud from the gate! People cheat not because they hate who they are with, but because of what’s inside of them individually. They are led by the dark part of who they are. They have issues they need to deal with within themselves. They tell whoever they are with they love them, however; truth is they don’t know what love is. If they did they certainly wouldn’t cheat on their significant others. It’s not about being in love, it’s about self gratification and seeking something outside of what they already have; despite the risks.

Synopsis of Cheaters and Those who accept it

If you accept a cheater then you’re just as messed up as the cheater. Something is wrong with both of these types of individuals. Many people get into relationships with those who are already in relationships with other people, SOMETHING IS WRONG with anyone who does this!  Trust me, the very thing that made you smile will make you cry later.

Some men and women leave their significant others for the OTHER  person ONLY to cheat on the OTHER person as well who by the way acts surprised when they are being cheated on (really)!! It’s EXACTLY what was signed up for by you!

If from the start you continued in a relationship with someone who was cheating on you, then you knew what you were signing up for.

If you are okay with your significant other being in a commitment, but not committed, then you will get from him or her exactly what you signed up for.

The moral of this post is as I’ve written and stated many times; people do to you what you allow and what you accept. If you don’t value and respect yourselves then don’t expect for anyone else to. Wake up people and see the truth. Most people cause their own heartaches and headaches by signing up for bull crap! If you’re led by what you’re feeling and not looking at the big picture, you will suffer the consequences of your actions. Everything that looks, tastes, or feel good isn’t always good for you. If it belongs to someone else, then it doesn’t belong to you and you shouldn’t want or desire it! If you do then you need to look at the man or woman in the mirror and deal with him or her, because something is wrong!

Relationships Normally End How They Begin

Standard

I’ve written on this subject before, however I thought I would refresh some memories. Most relationships end according to how they begin. Many people get into relationship by cheating with someone who is already in a relationship. Oftentimes these are married people cheating on their mates.

It doesn’t matter if your the cheater or the one the cheater is cheating with, you’re both immature and wrong. A lot of times the cheater and the one he or she cheated with end up married. To no surprise they end up divorced later down the road, because of the same reasons they got together. Someone else came along (just as they did) and cheated with their spouse (or girlfriend/boyfriend). What do people think? They think they can wreck homes and all kinds of mess and then live in marital bliss? No it doesn’t work like that and Karma will bite them dead in the butt. You can do wrong and get by, but you won’t get away! It’s coming right back to you. Crazy to me how some people are so devastated when they’re on the receiving, but when they were cheating with the married individual they didn’t care the individual was married. It all seems to matter when they’re being cheated on.

The moral to this post is if you meet someone and you find yourself attracted to someone else’s man or woman, GET AWAY from them. If they are in a relationship of ANY kind, please don’t make an immature decision to pursue this relationship. If you do I promise you will suffer the consequences of your actions. What you do to others will come back to you! Think about what you’re doing. We all have the control as to who we fall in love with or who we choose to be with. When people choose other people’s significant others they’ve crossed the line. Nothing good will come to them! It may seem to work out, but it doesn’t last and you will find yourself in the same position you put someone else in (cheated on).

People who cheat and those who get into relationships with them are people who have no morals or values, they lack integrity, they are immature, they lack honesty, and they don’t know have a clue about commitment. What they give they will  eventually get! That’s how life works. If you start out wrong, it will end wrong. This doesn’t only pertain to cheating, it pertains to anything. If people get into relationships for all of the wrong reasons, whatever reason they got into the relationship will most likely be the very reason they want to leave it.

People are blind by their thoughts and feelings. They are led blindly and foolishly into relationships which are clearly not good for them. They always end up suffering the consequences of their actions. Sadly this means death for many (literally) whether physically, mentally, or emotionally). It is ALWAYS a personal choice to cheat, to be with a married individual, or to stay with a cheater. It’s always a personal choice as to the individual we become involved with. People see signs, but they ignore them. People are led by their emotions and because of it will ALWAYS suffer the consequences of their actions.

 

Consequences

Standard

There are consequences for your actions. If people would take time to think over the possible consequences of their actions, many would probably choose differently. Instead people move based on what’s in their hearts. Our hearts hold all of who we are whether good or bad.

Cheaters – Understand if you are a cheater there are consequences to your cheating. You risk many things such as losing your significant other, separation within your relationships, diseases, or even death. When a person willfully cheats they risk the consequences of what may happen as a result of their actions.  Is it worth the risk? Think about that before you cross the line! To cheat isn’t a mistake it’s a bad decision. It’s bad choices based on what’s in a person’s heart. People are led by their thoughts and ultimately their hearts. If a person feel they want something badly enough the thought of it becomes frequent and provoking until the person acts on getting what they want. People who do this don’t really think of the consequences or they simply don’t care.

Security – Just what does it mean to you? If you’re a person who is basing your security on someone else you are WRONG! This is a huge bad decision! I believe if a person freely and willfully give their  power to someone else their power will be taken. Don’t base your livelihood, happiness, or security on someone else, because when you do you’re setting yourself up for anything. If you choose to you WILL some day suffer consequences for your actions! There’s nothing wrong with being taken care of by your significant other, however be able to take care of yourself if all else fails.

Relationships- If you get into them for the wrong reasons or stay in them for the wrong reasons you will have to deal with the consequences of your actions. People show you just who they are if you receive it. You teach your significant others EXACTLY how to treat you! If you take their foolishness (abuse, cheating, lying, or whatever it is), they will dish it out. I believe despite of what is said, a person willfully choose the type of relationship they become a part of, UNLESS they are in a country where it’s chosen for them. If a relationship is unhealthy and you stay, that is a personal choice, but it always comes with consequences, heartache, and pain.

What’s in the heart – It will surely come out! You know better than any other human who you are and what you are. Meaning you know exactly what lies within despite the fact you try to hide it. What you do in the dark will come to the light if you keep doing it and sometimes even if you stopped doing it. You try to hide all of your mess from man, you pretend to be one way when you KNOW you’re something else all together. Sooner or later your truth is revealed and there will be consequences for your actions!

Love – Most don’t even know what it is, but they are desperately seeking it (all the wrong ways, wrong people, wrong places, and you name it). These types of people accept anything in the name of what they think is love. These people go above and beyond in the name of what they think is love, even when they’re crapped on. They are abused, controlled, cheated on, lied too, manipulated, used for sex, used for what they have, they do things they wouldn’t normally do and don’t want to do, and many other things. People will walk and stomp all over you for as long as you lay down like a rug. They know your type and they will treat you how you allow. Love is kind, patience, giving, understanding, faithful, loyal, commitment, etc.

Love can be simulated, replicated,  and imitated, but real love can’t be duplicated when it’s genuine. If it’s not genuine it shows in how you’re treated, if you’re blind by your emotions you will miss the truth! A duplication is a copy, therefore it’s NOT the real deal. In relationships those who are pretending to get what they want will soon show who they really are and what they are about. Stop becoming lost and fixated on how you feel and start looking at how you’re treated in it lies the truth. A person who’s in a relationship for any reason other than being in love with who they are with will sooner or later show the truth concerning how they REALLY feel about who they are with. “People Lie, but the Signs Don’t” trust and believe the signs are always there. If you miss them you will eventually suffer the consequences of your actions. Guaranteed!

 

 

 

You Created a Monster

Standard

Many people are in unhealthy relationships due to starting out in ways and accepting things they shouldn’t have. They did everything under the sun to get who they are with and even more to keep them. I’ve said it a million times, “no matter what you do you can’t make who you love, love you back.” If you have to work hard to make a person love you, then you’re obviously with the wrong person. It’s a clear sign many ignore!

Too many individuals are in relationships where one or both involved are doing their own things. What type of relationship is it when you’re supposedly together, but doing your things separately as if single? Seriously, how you start a relationship is most often how it will end. Too many accept things they know aren’t good for them and they do things they know aren’t good for them in the name of what they think is love.

If you are giving into immoral sex acts to please your significant other, sooner or later you will be completely disgusted and grow tired of what you’re doing. Another issue here is people sometimes agree to involve other people, but later realize it was a bad idea. However, truth is you willfully created that monster. You were too wrapped up into pleasing the other person you made it all about the him or her and what would please them. How you truly felt was put on the back burner, because you made it completely about the one you were with. Yes, you created the monster! This is no way to build a healthy relationship.

I’ve mentioned in many posts the fact that if you start out by buying him or her material things to please them or to get them, you’re only “creating a monster.” People will take from you as long as you give. If you start your relationships off by trying to buy his or her love, that is what they will know you by best. They will expect those things to keep coming and as soon as you stop doing it, you will see the truth of what your relationships are built on. It’s the same with money period! If every time you have to give them money for this and that; “you’re creating a monster.” You started it and it will be expected. You have set yourself up as Mr. or Ms. “Savings and Loan.” Yes you did it to yourself!

There are many women who are in relationships with guys who could not rub two pennies together, but they allow how he looks or how he makes them feel to dictate how they feel about him. She has no support from him, but she doesn’t seem to mind, until “ding” a light comes on. She then realizes how ridiculous it is to take care of a grown man who doesn’t want to work , because he’s pure lazy. She begins to realize how draining it is and grows tired of clothing, sheltering, and feeding him; then she wants something different. Well, the truth is these women “created that monster.” Men do it too! They fall for women who they are trying to save. They get with low esteemed women who have a lot of issues, no drive or ambition. These men are like some women, they’re blind by their emotions. I know the Bible says the man is the head of the house, but it doesn’t mean he is a slave for his wife, no more than it does she’s a slave to him. We all create many of the monsters in our lives.

I must also talk about women who get with men who pretend to be into them, but  are really into their children. Yes, you read it correctly. If you don’t believe me, please research it for yourselves. We are now into 2016 and it’s time people start making better decisions for themselves and their children. Stop trusting people with your children that you don’t even know. It’s tough enough trusting anyone, but to trust these men you just met can turn horrific. I can’t tell you how many articles I’ve read on last week on the subject of men raping and molesting infants and children. A lot of people are into child porn, their main interest are children so they get with women they know are gullible and eager for someone to love them in order to get next to their children.  These men are embedded through societies all over the world. Some women know their histories, but they still make the terrible decisions to be with these men. Again, if you think I’m fabricating anything research it. It is time these types of women make better choices. The same logic goes for people who continue in relationships with any type of  an abuser. They created their own monsters.

People; it’s no big secret at all. A person will treat you exactly how you allow. Millions in this world are in terrible relationships. There are many who’ve had to deal with the consequences of their bad decisions. The reason people are stuck in these types of relationships is because they allowed their hearts to lead them into their relationships without using their brains. If people could and would only accept this concept their lives could be different. I know I can talk about it and write about it until I die, people still will be led by how they feel about someone versus reality of what’s happening right in their faces.

These monsters come in all sizes, colors, and shapes. They are from all walks of life, populations, and cultures.  They are lurking and seeking whom they can devour. They are waiting on the right person to come along so they can get them where they want them in order  to do what they do. No one have to fall into their traps! Stop thinking you can save someone unless they want to be saved. Stop giving your hearts to people who don’t even have one. Stop seeking love when you don’t even love yourself or know what love is. Stop wearing your hearts on your sleeves like a neon light, making yourselves vulnerable targets for those seeking to devour you. Stop allowing your pasts to dictate your futures because of your inability to let go of something that’s already gone. Stop allowing your feelings about someone to lead you astray.

I can go on and on, but the bottom line is stop giving power to others. I guarantee you if you stop, the monsters lying dormant waiting will never have the opportunity to pounce on you. You do this by loving you first and by not allowing your hearts to lead you into places you shouldn’t ever be.

Read carefully, if you don’t allow your hearts to lead, you will not get all caught up in your feelings over the other person. You will be able to see right past your emotions to the truth that’s staring you right in the face.  Whenever you’re feeling all caught up in your feelings about your significant other that is the time to step back and reassess yourself and the relationship. If you don’t learn to put what you’re feeling aside and focus on the big picture,  it will be like seeing through a cotton ball (impossible). You will miss or rather dismiss all of the signs that have been right in your faces. It’s a  New Year and today is another chance to get it right and do better!!!! I pray that you make the right choices and decisions in 2016. Peace and love!!

 

 

 

 

FACE THE TRUTH NOW OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES LATER

Standard

Today I am writing about each of us. I am writing to help someone understand something important. For those of you who believe in God, but know you’re not truly serving Him this is for you. Many in this world believe that because they go to church Sunday after Sunday, sing in the choir, work on the usher board, pay tithes, preacher, teachers, motivational speakers, bishops, are deacons in the church, holding different positions under different titles etc. etc it will help them to make it into the Kingdom. I’m here to tell you it won’t.

Stop believing you will get in because of what you do, because most people are doing it to be pleasing in the sight of man. Nothing matters if your heart and mind isn’t right. If your mind and heart isn’t changed nothing you do or have done will make a difference.

People must stop fooling themselves. Every single thing you do God knows. Everything you do in the dark or in what you think is secret; God knows. He knows your heart and He knows your thoughts. I don’t know why people continue to think they’re hiding. You’re not!

Your heart and mind must change. You can be saved all day, but if your heart and mind isn’t right, you being saved has no merit. I’m not trying to judge, and I didn’t make it up, God said it. He paved the way and He told us how to live. Many glorify man and they live to please him.

When your heart and mind has been renewed a change has taken place. You don’t desire to do the things you once did. The things you do will be from your heart and no longer to please man, they will be to please God. Your thoughts of everything will be different. You will constantly stay focused on being pleasing in the sight of God, it is what will keep you on track. You will be conscious and aware of your doings, sayings, comings, and goings. Until your heart and mind change you will profess Him from your lips but your hearts will be far from Him. It is why people will continue to live any kind of way and think they will have a seat in the Kingdom. To think this way is clear indication a person’s heart and mind aren’t right.

When your heart and mind is right your focus will always be on Jesus first. I’m not saying you will be reading the Word all day long, but you will be committed to reading it. I’m not saying you will be crying hallelujah all day and saying praise the Lord all day, but you will have a praise in your heart all of the time. I am saying there will be true conviction and true change. You won’t see or do things the same. There will be a change in you. You can’t do what you once did and you won’t have the desire to. You will understand everything against God will have to cease. You will look back and realize how God has kept you through your mess. You will cry out to Him, because although you didn’t realize it; He was there all the time. He protected you from dangers see and unseen when you know you were deep in your mess.

Too many want to do any and everything they choose, but they want to say they’re living for God. Lies! There’s no way. You can’t go to church on the Sunday and drunker than a dog on Monday through Saturday. You can’t continue to satisfy your fleshy desires (adultery, fornication, etc) or partying like a rock star up in the club and going to church on Sunday and say you’re dancing for Jesus. Some of you could get Emmys and Grammys for your church performances. You can’t be singing for Jesus and the devil both; that’s not serving the true and living God. Many of you claim you do it to reach the younger generation, etc. Lies! You do it because you’re straddling the fence. God isn’t listening to that excuse. It doesn’t work that way. You’re fooling yourselves. Not one time did God bow down and do what man did to get His point across. Not one time did He change to please man. Man do it, because they are straddling the fence.

God said “if you’re not for me, then you’re against me.” Point blank, there you have it! It’s in the Word, I didn’t make it up. You can keep fooling yourself if you want to. No way you can have a true personal relationship with the true living God and doing things against Him at the same time. You’re fooling yourself but when your heart and mind has changed you will see the light and you definitely will get understanding.

The bottom line of it all is I’m praying that you get it right and seek God while you can. Get on His side and stay there, because the ways of this world is going to become worse. Nothing but the Word of God will stand. If you don’t know if for yourself and have it in you, so sorry for you. If you read this and get mad, it only means I’m talking to you; about you. If it hurts, good! I’m trying to help somebody. I can’t save no one, but I can tell you about a Man who can save EVERYBODY. He doesn’t want anyone to perish.