You say it’s Them, I say it’s You

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A question many should ask themselves is why do I settle for less???? Why do many of you feel you’re so undeserving???? If a person wants change they will make an effort to change. Change will only happen when a person has gotten to a point in life where they want change. Many people are merely existing. I think this is beyond sad. Way too many people have become content with life, they have gotten used to being the way they are they don’t realize they need to change. In order for something different to happen a person must do something different. Too many people settle, period! People settle in their jobs, relationships, mindsets, and most aspects of their lives. I believe in order to change any of it,  a person must first change their negative mindset. Most don’t understand by them being content and complacent it is something negative they need to change.

I have spoken to and know personally many people who are unhappy in their relationships. Who do you think has the power to change it? Only the individual who’s unhappy. A person’s happiness shouldn’t be based upon ANYONE else. If it is this is someone who has freely given their power to someone else and it’s a sign something is wrong that needs to be fixed within self. When you’re in a relationship and the other person isn’t really about you, they will show it in some way. They will talk negative, disrespect you, be oblivious of your feelings or concerns, take you for granted, defile your relationship by involving others, take all you have but give nothing in return, mooch off of you until you’re drained mentally-physically-and materially.  Although they obviously have their own issues, the real problem doesn’t lie with the other individual it lies with you; the one who allows it.

If people could only understand their value and worth. If they only knew they have the power to accept or NOT accept crap their significant others give them. I always say we teach people EXACTLY how to treat us. They figure it out quick, but the ones on the receiving in don’t get it. The reason people don’t get it because they haven’t yet dealt with their own issues which keep them trapped in wrong ways of thinking, feeling, and acting. People are so gullible and accepting when it comes to love. They “can’t see the forest from the trees.” They miss so much because they are blind and can only comprehend what they want even when it’s not good. In the meantime they’re missing the truth. They are led by emotions.

Do you know what you think is followed up by what you fee;, which pretty much determines how you will act? Most think one way and do another, who a person really is isn’t what they display, people lie about who they are, how they feel, etc.etc. It all comes from what’s really inside of us. If people haven’t dealt with their issues, etc those issues will be the driving force in all of the decisions they make in life (good or bad). You can do good, but have bad intentions behind what you did, which still is bad. Those issues will eventually deal with  them showing up throughout their lives and seen through bad choices and decisions. People are moved by emotions rather than reality. It’s their distorted view of the truth, because people seek self gratification at any and all cost.

We’ve all at some point made bad choices and decisions, but we must mature and unfortunately not everyone does. What a person has gone through in life no longer can hurt them, people are hurting themselves by hanging on to those things. The events are over, the memories are left. People must make conscious decisions to no longer give those memories power in their lives. Anything uncontrolled controls us. You never forget, but it doesn’t mean you have to give it power. When people grasp this concept their lives will change. When they don’t they are those people who continuously go in and out of relationships enduring the same things with the same types of people. They are treated exactly how they allow.

Not only that once a person really matures, they understand people have agendas (good and bad). A mature person accepts people for who they are (knowing that who they are isn’t necessarily who they are pretending to be). You learn all of this by not just going through things, but learning as you go. Learning from all you encounter is what strengthens and matures us. At least in my experience and opinion. Experiences teaches us what TO do next time and what NOT to do again. Many people choose to go through the same things over and over. They don’t learn they only experience. This is why so many are unhappy in their relationships and accept any and everything from people who claim to love them.

In an earlier post I mentioned that if a person learn to love his or herself, this will be an individual who will not allow any and everything in their lives. They will understand self worth and value. They will no longer seek love in all of the wrong ways, places, and from the wrong people. They will see the truth when it’s revealed and will not be blind by what they want due to emotions. They may feel with their hearts, but they will use their brains also to make better choices and decisions.  They will see the truth and when it’s revealed they won’t have any problems with moving on and away from mess. They will learn what love is and what love isn’t. Trust me, you can be this individual, but you must want to be. Stop allowing people to do what they want to you, no longer give away what belongs to you; your power!

Some people are completely miserable in their relationships, yet they stay. I say to these people take one moment and think about how your relationships started. Most times they end the way they begin or the same issues they started with will be the very ones plague them throughout their relationships. I don’t know why people think things will change, because most times they don’t. If you accept it in the beginning; expect it throughout the relationship, that’s just how it goes. Zebra’s don’t change their stripes! People can change, but oftentimes if you take any and everything to get or keep someone, you will have nothing but misery to pay for the consequences of your actions. The choice is ALWAYS yours!

 

 

 

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Going Back Isn’t Necessarily the Best Decision

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I’m sure many of you have found this to be true. It works for some people but not for most. Too many go back into relationships they fought their way out of only to find things haven’t changed. They find themselves right back in states of misery.

Many people go back into relationships because they feel too insecure to be alone. They think they’re going back because they love the person, but in reality it’s due to insecurities. There are many people who would rather stay in unhealthy and loveless relationships then to be alone. This is sad!

Unfortunately sometimes when people go back things become far more intensified than before. Sadly many have even lost their lives after going back. They had all of the signs prior to leaving yet they go back. Then you have those who didn’t lose their lives, but they’ve become emotionally dead from all of the pain and misery they’re enduring. They find themselves feeling unhappy and even worse off than before. They realize what they left is the same things they’ve gone back to.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t try to make their relationships work. However, what I am saying is this; people need to do whatever they need to do while they’re together. They should do all they can without any regrets; therefore when they walk away they know they’ve done all they could do. We can’t change no one but the man in the mirror, but we certainly can lose ourselves in trying. For those who decide to go back, I’m sure many are regretful. If it didn’t work the first time, more than likely it won’t the next time around. Like I said earlier, sometimes it works, but most times it don’t.

I believe people should stop basing their happiness on other people when they’re not happy with their own lives. If  you’re broken inside no matter how you try to hide it, what’s going on inside will show in some form or another. How a person feels about his or herself shows in the choices of people they choose to be with. If you don’t believe me sit back and think about the situation you’re in or the situations of people you know. How you allow people to treat you says something about how you feel about yourself. The chaos you allow in your life says something about how you feel about yourself.

A person can not truly embrace happiness when it comes along when in fact they’re not happy with self. They aren’t capable of understanding what true happiness is, because they’ve become accustomed to a life of misery. This is why we see people getting into relationships with the same types of people they recently got out of relationships with. It’s also why so many accept and will do anything in the name of what they think is love.

STILL IN YOUR MESS

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When a person isn’t ready to stop doing what they’re doing they simply will not. I know people sick with illnesses or going through all types of things, but they still refuse to change their ways. Sometimes things happen to us in order to get our attention, but unfortunately many don’t take heed. Some people do not want to give up their old ways and because of it many have died in their sins.

The ultimate decision is yours to make. What I want people to understand is that everyday you are blessed to see, it is a another chance to change your ways; get things right.

I’ve said many times; no one is perfect and we all fall short, but stop using it as an excuse to stay in your mess. One day you won’t get the opportunity to change. I pray that people do it while they have warm blood running through their veins. God doesn’t wish for any of us to perish, but the choice is ours.

There is so much going on in the world today. It’s full of millions of confused people. Everything wrong, people are accepting as right. Everything right is shunned and consider wrong. It is so sad to see how easily people conform to wrong in order to belong. It is sad how easily people are brainwashed, but this is what happens when you don’t know which side of the fence you’re on (who you serve, where your faith lies) and you don’t know who you really are. In these days and times we have to have a strong solid foundation or we will fall for any and everything. Everything looks and sounds good when it is NOT.

It’s not by chance and it certainly isn’t because we’re so good or deserving, but it’s because of grace, love, and mercy that we get many chances to get it right. However, one day it will be no more chances. I pray before this time you’ve made the decision to get your lives in order.

People are seeking love and belonging in many places that are absolutely positively wrong. What people are falling for is leading to self destruction and damnation. I didn’t make this up, it’s in the B-I-B-L-E. It’s NOT my words.

I will end here by praying that those who don’t know God and His Son Jesus in the pardoning of their sins that they make the decision to give up this ole world to gain eternal life by giving their lives to Jesus (Romans 10:9). God want us to come as we are (broken, confused, lost, hurt, angry, suicidal, depressed, addicted to all kinds of things, envy, jealous, and any other brokenness you may have.) No matter what it is, no matter what you’ve done, He is willing to accept you as you are.

As I always say; today, right now is ALL we have. Blessings to you!

STRADDLING THE FENCE

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Okay, the very last post was about “choosing a side.” This one is going to go a little bit further. This post is for those who claim to be living their lives for the Lord, but instead are living lies. There are many people in this world who claim to be living right. They’re liars and the truth isn’t in them.

Many profess that God has called them into the ministry. God HAS NOT called everyone who claims to be called by Him. If you don’t believe it watch their walk. God qualifies whom He elect. No matter where you are in life or how low you think you are; He will first clean you up and then send you out to do His work. He’s not going to have you still doing all of your mess while preaching or teaching His people. No, that’s not how it works.

I realize we’re flesh and bone. I realize we’re subject to mess up. I get it! However, the Bible says in Matthews 26:41 “Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation, the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” This clearly tells you that you can avoid temptation. It is a personal choice for people to do things that are against God. It’s not hard to live Holy, if it’s what you desire. It’s hard when you’re trying to keep one foot on one side and the other foot on the other side. In order to do it right you MUST have a made up mind. Stop playing with God and stop straddling the fence.

Many claim to be preachers because they’re looking for and like the recognition. Plus they love the “almighty dollar.” They feel there is prestige in preaching before the congregation. They love being called the pastor (or whatever). They feel they have control and power. They love the fact that people are worshipping them. They think what they’re doing in the dark won’t come to the light, but that too is a lie. It will eventually in some way come to the light. This is why you see some of them addicted to substances, addicted to sex, addicted to money, depressed, suicidal, etc..etc.. Those things are NOT of the Lord. A person who’s truly on the Lord side and have that personal relationship with Him won’t want to do things displeasing to God. It’s in their hearts, minds, and souls to do the Will of God. They have convicted hearts and they mind what they do and say. They’re conscious of their thoughts and of how they live. This is the heart and mind of someone who’s living what they preach.

Don’t get caught up in the saying “you’re not perfect You’re made in His image, therefore when you’re living for Him, you’re perfect in His sight. DON’T use not being perfect as an excuse to continue to do wrong.

Society has it confused, they think because a person is going to church faithfully they’re living the life. Lies! This is why you hear people complaining about “church folks.” It’s because they see the walks of some of the people and the fact it’s not lining up with their talk. First of all some of them go dressed any kind of way, People, “come as you are” doesn’t in no way mean to go dressed inappropriately. It means to go even in your state of mind (broken hearted, hurt, depressed, suicidal, addicted to anything, etc). Not with your skin tights on, butts hanging out, boobs hanging out, see through clothes, or mini skirts. This isn’t limited to the church house. You will be aware of your appearance period. As a representation of God you no longer wear those things you once wore. You will no longer go, do, etc those things you used to do. Some men go inappropriate else well (sagging with your butt showing, etc). Things change when you have that personal relationship with God; they have too. You can’t be the same, there’s no way. If you are then you need to go back and check yourself, because it’s not lining up with God.

I mentioned in a previous post how these types of people go to church faithfully, pay their tithes faithfully, and go to Bible study faithfully, but it’s not out of love or personal relationships with God. It’s to please the eyes of man. They want to look holy to man, but knowing full well they’re far from it. Some have faked and played so long until they believe their own lies. They care what man has to say, but again; they’re not understanding that every knee shall bow to God. What they do should be to please Him, not man. Man has no heaven or hell to put us in, but the very man being praised will be put in one of those places. Basically, what I’m saying is they’re worshipping the wrong one. Man can’t save them, only God can. These types of people has great love for their pastors, preachers, bishops, reverends, evangelists, prophets or whatever they are called. Some titles are so long, it’s ridiculous. Yet, these people don’t give God His due. They give it all to their worship leaders. It’s because their hearts aren’t convicted and they don’t have a true relationship with God. Too many are playing with God, mocking God, and the bottom line; playing church. Pastor’s are preaching things that are clearly against God. God loves us all, but He doesn’t love the things we do. People got it mixed up. They think because God loves us all, He’s okay with the things we do. Lies!

Someone recently told me that it’s all about God’s love for us and that what we do doesn’t matter. This is a lie. Yes, it’s about God’s love for us, but what does that matter if #1 You don’t believe in Him and #2 If you don’t love Him back. Of course it’s about His love for us, but we must embrace and accept that love in order to remotely in anyway choose to worship Him. Because He loves us; it doesn’t give us a free pass to live any kind of way. Him loving us doesn’t mean He love us so much no matter what we do we will go to Heaven. NO! If that was the case what is the purpose of serving God? I know He died for us and through his death our sins were forgiven. However, it doesn’t mean a person can do whatever they choose and still go to heaven. The guidance has been left, it’s up to us which side we choose.

People want to make excuses for everything, but excuses will not work. You can make them all day, but at the end of it all, we can choose to live in a way that when we die we get to live again or we can live in a way that when we die we are dead. The choice is ours to make. One huge problem is people DO NOT want to give up the ways of this world. They’re simply not ready too. They feel they have more they want to do and think it’s all about doing those things. They want to keep on sleeping around, cheating, lying, ducking, dodging, tiptoeing, and sneaking around. They want to keep on abusing drugs, stealing, being lovers of themselves, and doing everything that is against God. This is not how it works. God said in the Word, He don’t want us lukewarm (straddling the fence). He’d rather we choose to be either hot or cold, but not lukewarm. I believe the greatest problem of all is the fact people don’t really believe in God. They can’t see or touch Him so in their minds He REALLY doesn’t exist. They say they do, but it’s clear they don’t. If they did they would live their lives completely different. Stop straddling the fence, today may be your last time to get it right. Look at the ways of this world and all of the things happening in this world, it’s only going to get worst.

I’m sure some people feel that I’m judging, but I am not. God already left instructions. I’m only telling the truth. Those who consider it as judging are those who are still of the world. They are straddling the fence. One day will come when you won’t have the chance to choose. I pray at that time you’re on the right side. Blessings to you, you, and you.

RED FLAGS IN RELATIONSHIPS

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Many get into new relationships feeling solely with their hearts. Love isn’t blind, people are and because of it many willfully get into bad relationships that often leave them in places they never imagined and sometimes it means; dead. When an individual get into a new relationship, it’s imperative they look at the whole picture and not simply what’s on the surface. Feeling solely with the heart is never good. When people do this they miss or completely ignore the signs staring them right in their faces. We all have missed the signs at some point in life due to immaturity. I’ve always said, maturity doesn’t automatically comes with age. Unfortunate, but true! Stop making excuses for bad decisions and figure out why you make them over and over. As you continue to read, I pray you can take something away from what’s written.

THE FIRST MEETING
This is where it all goes wrong. Why you may ask? It’s because this is where the focus is lost. People lose focus (some never had it in the first place) when money, status, title, looks, sex, or material things comes into play. Yes sex; some people go at it right away. RED FLAG. It’s a red flag, because in 2014 some people actually still have sex on their first meeting. This is a clear indication there’s something wrong with both individuals. Some people use what they have (looks, title, sex, status, money) to drawn others in. When people do this, it means something is wrong with them. None of it will last (money may, but then again it may not). One thing for sure is it can’t EVER buy love, it can buy the person, but NEVER love. People come in different cultures, shapes, sizes, and genders, and populations and they have looks, titles, status, money, and good sex. Nothing a person has tells who they are upon meeting them. If an individual doesn’t know who they are as a person, how can they figure out anyone else? They can’t and this is where it goes wrong.

ARE THEY ALREADY INVOLVED

Is the person you’re attracted to and want to know better already in a relationship? If so, RED FLAG! This clearly tells you major information about the other person. Some of these people will swear they’re good people and they may be on the norm, but the bottom line is they aren’t in this particular situation. If a person cheats with you, they will cheat on you. Too many continue on with these relationships, setting themselves up for heartache and pain. A man or woman who is already in a relationship yet trying to get with you is a form of disrespect all around. They have no respect for self, their significant other, or you. They make you feel special or honored that they want to get with you. It’s total bull. Stop falling for it. This has red flags all over it. Anyone who goes along with it, it tells you something about yourself. You have securities you need to deal with that make you sale yourself short. You will find you’re simply not that special. The person will cheat on you too! This causes unnecessary drama in the life of anyone who goes along with starting a relationship with someone who’s already involved. A cheater no matter how good he treats you is a player, bottom line. If you accept a player expect to be played. Don’t do it!

WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THEM

Outside of already being in a relationship there are so many other things that could be going on. I will try to name a few below:

Pedophiles present themselves to women everyday and women are accepting them into their lives and the lives of their children. Many children are abused by these types of people while the women willfully allow it. It’s tragic, but it’s the truth. If you don’t believe it, research it yourself. I don’t know what women or men think when they get with these types of individuals. “A zebra doesn’t change its stripes.” You know why individuals get with these types of people? It’s because they have issues themselves. Children have no say or control over what their parents do. It’s not fair to children who have to deal with the mistakes of their parents, by having to be raped or molested by pedophiles brought into their lives by their messed up parent/s. Too many women know this up front, but they’re blind by their way of thinking.

Physical, Verbal, Mental, Emotional Abusers are people with their many issues. These types of individuals don’t face their issues, instead they take them into the lives of others. Those who get involved with these types of people know through signs something is wrong, but again they are being lead by their hearts. It’s not cute to be playfully slapped or called names. Some individuals get involve with others who immediately show signs of this, because it’s all they know and are accustomed too. RED FLAGS! During dating, NEVER settle for any form of abuse. Walk away while you can. Too many are trapped because they choose to follow their hearts and didn’t accept the truth staring them in their faces in the very beginning. When the abuse escalates later, it is absolutely no coincidence. People want to make excuses for not seeing the signs, but the signs are always present in some way whether subtle or not.

Do they contribute too or take away from the relationship? If they can’t or won’t contribute; please tell me what is the point? There isn’t any! Too many people get with individuals who are slothful and have no ambition or drive of any sorts, because of good looks. We all want someone attractive, but if all you’re going by is physical attraction, SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU! People are attracted to others for many reasons other than physical. There is nothing wrong with having someone good looking, but if that’s all they have; BYE! So many go wrong here; they’re allowing their hearts to lead. Some of you see someone good looking and you lose focus. If you lose focus, baby you lose control! The good looking person you’re so into could have a disease or could be a complete lunatic. You ever heard “everything glitters isn’t gold.” Trust me; it isn’t! If you’re the type to go for this, RED FLAG! Something is wrong with you and therefore you need to figure it out! Stop being desperate, because desperate people are treated exactly how they act.

Do they practice a sexual behavior different from your preference? If they do RED FLAG! Do not go any further into the relationship. If you’re a woman who gets with a man who also like men, do you think you’re it for him? If you’re a man who gets with a woman and she likes other women, do you think you’re it for her? YOU’RE NOT and it’s foolish for you to think so. You think what you have or how you can lay down the sex means you will change the other person. YOU’RE DREAMING! What the other likes will eventually surface in your relationship and slap you right in your face. It will not be a coincidence. Know your limitations and boundaries and stand firmly on them. No one is worth you doing something you don’t want in the name of what you think is love. It’s NOT LOVE!

Are they into substance abuse? If you know they are, please don’t falsely think that you can save them, because you can’t. What normally happens is you’re pulled into their world. Are you willing to risk it? THINK ABOUT THIS; if this person means you any good, they wouldn’t try to coerce you into their world. I don’t care what they do or say when they’re sober, you can’t fix them. Those who get involved with substance abusers often lose themselves in the midst of their fight to save the other person. The only person you can save is you! “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.” A person can love you and change for a brief moment to get you, but they will ALMOST ALWAYS revert back to their old ways, because they didn’t change for themselves. A person has to change because they want too and not for anyone else in order for it to be lasting change. You can support them, but please allow these types of people to get help and come out of their addictions, before you go falling all in love. You will wish you had!!!

There are always signs and these signs indicates controlling, abusive, possessive, or obsessive behaviors, but individuals choose to over look the signs. Choosing to continue in relationships with any of the types of people listed above is a mistake. You will always get exactly what you allow and accept. People make terrible decisions in thinking they can change the person. No vagina or penis is magical. Individuals only have a distorted way of thinking due to issues they have; which contributes to their decisions. No one can change someone else. You can’t save another person. You can’t figure out someone when you don’t know yourself. People constantly pack junk on top of junk and end up with a complete mess!!

Work on yourself and figure out why you do what you, why you allow what you allow, why you accept what you accept into your life. People do it most likely because they’re holding on to something they can’t do anything about (issues of the past). A person’s past will mess them up if allowed. It will keep them stuck and repeating the same cycle over and over. Actually it’s not their past it’s their way of thinking of memories of their pasts. Dealing with and changing the way you think will change your feelings, behaviors, and lives. It’s guaranteed!! You will make better decisions about everything and you will see the signs that are in your face. You will love you and know that you deserve better. You will walk away from things that aren’t good for you.