Surrounded by Enablers


I see many people around the world doing this (on and off of TV). People already have their issues they’ve not worked out on top of this they are surrounded by people who don’t tell them the truth. People who can’t tell you the truth are people who have their own issues. They obviously do if they are worried about telling a person the truth! Lying to someone does nothing for a person other then keep them in trapped in their wrong mindsets and brokenness.

A broken person doesn’t benefit at all from people around them enabling them. Too many people from the highest status on down are in these types of situations. The reason individual’s are in situations such as this is because they are broken and don’t believe in self, they don’t love self, and they lack confidence and self esteem. They are dependent on others for validation. They can’t see the truth from their own version of reality which is through the eyes of unhealed pains. In most situations they are carrying other people; which adds to their pressures. Instead of those around them who claim to love them tell them the truth they tell them what they know they want to hear. They pretend all is well same as the individual; when it isn’t! This is very debilitating for the individual.

The Bible says “the blind can’t lead the blind lest they both fall into a pit.” This is very true! People who emerge themselves into the lives of others have their own issues. They are seeking something in return whether they speak it or not. There is a hidden agenda. It may not be with intentions to cause harm, but when you don’t tell the truth to someone who needs it, this eventually adds to the disruption in the lives of those individuals.

You see it prevalent in celebrities or those individuals who have some type of status. Many people around them are toxic to them. They pretend to care for or even love them, but they won’t tell them the truth. They would rather lie then to be honest. They know the individual is on the verge of self destruction, yet they will not be honest with the person. They continue to enable the individual normally until some form of breakdown occurs.

You’re NOT helping a person if you can’t be honest with them. I don’t care if you’re family, friend, or someone else. If you’re hanging around trying to gain something or if you just want to be a part of the click then you’re no help to the individual. Matter of fact you’re just as dysfunctional as the individual. This is seen a lot in today’s world. People are falling off of the pedal stools they’ve allowed others to put them on when they themselves were already too unstable to stand there. They knew they were yet they allowed it. No one knows what’s inside of you better than you!

When people allow others to worship and glorify them, it’s impossible to maintain the image they portray when they’re broken. It’s causes too much added stress in their lives. Due to the fact individuals don’t heal from their past issues they find it hard to maintain the image they’ve allowed people to believe of them. They become train wrecks!

One thing for certain is I don’t care what a person’s desires, dreams, goals, etc are in life. If the individual do NOT heal from their past pains no matter what they try to do; they will run into a brick wall! They can not get over it or around that wall until they heal from their past issues. They will carry all of the junk into every situation and relationship in their lives. The junk will always wreak havoc in their lives until they deal with it and heal from it.

People can go to who they consider as the best people for help, trust me they can’t help you until you want to help yourself. Those same celebrity guru’s and other people individuals run to for help oftentimes need help themselves and it’s why people come away the same way they went (broken). Listen, rehab, therapists, etc, etc doesn’t change a person until YOU choose change as your ONLY option! Although a significant part of a person’s issues can be drugs, alcohol, sex, etc it’s not the MAIN problem. People gravitate towards those things because they haven’t yet healed from their underlying issues. Fame, fortune, money, titles, statuses, etc doesn’t change a person. They become people with fame, fortune, money, title, statuses, etc with the same brokenness and full of lifelong baggage UNTIL the individual decides they want to choose change!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with therapy, rehab, etc, but those things only provide tools to assist a person. They can also provide support etc. However, IF the underlying issues aren’t resolved individuals will go back to what they are familiar and what they find their version of comfort (drugs, alcohol, sex, etc). That’s the truth and nothing but the truth! I’ve seen many people being misled both on and off of TV by people who are there supposedly to help. What I am seeing is people being beaten across the head with rehab and therapy, when YES drugs, alcohol, or whatever addiction is part of the problem, but it isn’t the MAIN problem. The focus should be the root cause and until it’s address people will go back to what they know and what they thinks soothes them. It’s like putting a band aid on a wound requiring stitches. It won’t work!

Being in the lives of these people doesn’t benefit them at all if you’re not telling them the truth along the way. Stop contributing to their dysfunction! They need supporters who are true supporters and NOT those who are there to support their own agendas. As stated before people may not understand the added problems they cause to these individual’s by going along to get along. You must call a spade a spade! Although many people don’t like the truth, the truth is still EXACTLY what they need! Be honest with people because the “truth REALLY may set them free!” When you enable others it also enables you!


Team Jesus Until the End


The only way I know to stay sane in this crazy world is by being Team Jesus! If we take our eyes off of Him there’s no telling where we may end up. There are forces tugging at us that aren’t of the Lord and if we aren’t rooted and grounded in Jesus these things will throw us off balance and down to the ground. However, remember even if you fall down, you don’t have to stay there! Jesus is always with an outstretched hand to help you up, clean you up, and put you back on the right path!

Things seem to become more and more crazier each day. Where is the love? People are full of anger and hate. What these people fail to understand is they have deep seated issues which has caused them to be this way. They have learnt to become people full of anger and hate. Hate is a learned behavior!!!!

You have family members killing one another, parents killing children, children killing parents, and people in general killing for no reason at all. People are quick to act or react! You can’t take back what you do when you’ve done the unthinkable! People need to think of the consequences of their actions. Remember, we are here to live forever in hell or Heaven. All of the people hating and killing are setting themselves up for a sure seat in hell when they don’t have to be there. No one have to keep the cycle of hate going, anyone can change if they want to!

The devil is busy and on his job to kill, steal, and destroy. He’s doing his best to make sure people end up in the bottomless pit with him for eternity. He knows his days are numbers therefore he’s trying to take as many as he can with him. Please, please, I beg you to stop giving power to the devil and his angels.

People are giving in to the devil and this world. They don’t want to go through anything. As soon as hard times comes they want to throw in the towel. Not one of us can spiritually grown by buckling and folding every time a storm comes. Yes, we will go through the storms, but they are to build us up and make us strong. Our storms teaches us to lean and depend on Jesus. On many occasions I’ve found people don’t want to hear words of encouragement when they are going through. Some are absolutely offended by words of encouragement. They don’t want to hear anything about Jesus’s promise to us. During your toughest times you should hold on even tighter to Him and His promises. You don’t give up, you stand firm on the Word of God. Something is wrong with people who are offended by words of encouragement during their difficult times!

The devil loves to see people wanting to give up or wanting to turn back from Jesus. He gets great joy out of it! The devil gets great joy to see people trying to live for him and Lord Jesus at the same time. It’s because the devil knows it’s impossible to do! He knows people who are trying to live for both him and the Lord or really ONLY living for Him. The devil knows you can either be for or against God and nothing else!

There are dark forces at work, if you don’t believe it, just read your Bible! They are not make belief, they are real. The devil has his angels just as God has His angels. They are both in a battle for our soul. God wishes for none of us to perish. The devil wants nothing more than for you to perish and reign in hell with him.

We all deal with the forces tugging at us to do wrong when we know we should do right. None of us should never ever give in to the flesh. We should never give in to the negative talk in our heads. The Bible says “pray without cease.” In this mean, cold, and dark world we must keep on the full armor of God at all times! When you feel heavy laden and think God doesn’t care or isn’t listening He is always listening and He loves us all.

People are doing all kinds of foolishness. There are many who profess Christ everyday yet are doing everything against the Word of God. In other words they are those ‘wolves in sheep’s clothing.” They are false, liars, and they will lead you into hell if you’re not watchful, know Jesus for self, and prayed up!

Everything wrong and against God is accepted as right. As a person striving to please the Lord you must not be ashamed or afraid to stand firmly on the Word of God and don’t let anyone shake your Faith! People will try to convince you their way is right, don’t fall for it. The only right way is the way God the Father has commanded! I know we have to live here on earth for the time being, but our eternal homes will be waiting. How we choose to live now will definitely determine where we spend eternity! Keep your eyes on the mark and keep pressing for the prize! Stay Team Jesus!!

Sometimes for a Season Always for a Reason


A lot of times in our lives people come and they go. Many individuals experience difficulty when they try to hold on to people who don’t want to be held on to. Trying to do whatever you can to make a person want to remain in your life never works. You should never belittle yourself by trying to force in any way someone to be in or a part of your life who doesn’t want to be.

I understand when you love someone it’s hard to see them gone, but sometimes you have to let a person go. This goes for family, friends, and others. It doesn’t mean you don’t care for them, it means you have to do what’s best for you mentally, physically, and spiritually. You can’t grow because you’re stopping your ability to grow by being choked by the weeds you allow to grow in your life.

There are too many people who are doing all kinds of foolishness to try and hang on to significant others when their significant others are running the other way. Let them run! If a person doesn’t want to be with you or in your presence life goes on! Love yourself enough to be able to let them walk.

We sometimes have family members and friends who no matter how much you love them; don’t seem to want to truly be a part of your life. Let them do what makes them happy, even if it means not dealing with you!

Every last one of us go through things which are either good or bad and oftentimes both. Some people come in our lives and it’s meant to be for a season. However, due to individuals being led by their feelings and emotions, they try to make what is meant for a season a lifetime. This is why so many people are dealing with unnessary drama. I’ve said and written it a million times no matter how handsome or cute you are, what you have, your title or status, the money you have, what you provide, all the sex you give, NONE of it will make the person you love want to be with you or stay with you. If they don’t want to be with you, there’s nothing you can do or say to change it. Let them go if that is what they want.

I know it’s a little different with family. They are meant for a lifetime, but it doesn’t mean you have to exhaust yourselves trying to make them love you. If a family member doesn’t want to deal with you, it’s their choice. As my mom always said “feed them with a long handle spoon.” That simple means love them, but at a distance. Today’s families has as many clicks as any social group. Some family members pick and choose what other family members they want to be around. You have no control over this. Love you enough to keep it moving.

Friends come and go. A true friend is there always, but a person who claims they are a friend who isn’t; will eventually show their true colors; when they do let them walk! Sometimes we try to hold on to individuals who have long let us go. This isn’t healthy! People will be as nice to you as possible to get what they can from you. You have to be smart enough to see what is happening and nip it in the bud. Set aside your feelings and emotions, stop allowing people to treat you any ole way.

People come in and out of our lives to teach us something. It is always meant to make us grow. The sad part is a lot of individuals cripple themselves by blocking their ability to grow. We learn life lessons from different people and different sources. If you are stuck in the same mindset you don’t allow yourself the opportunity to grow. Trying to hold on to people or things that you should have long let go keeps you stuck!

I Don’t Think I’m Better You Think I Am


I’m sure many of us can relate to this. You have people in your lives who can’t embrace or love you because they feel you think you’re better than them. I think this is a sad state of mind. It happens within family relationships, friendships, and relationships with others.

It is my belief that when a person has to be fake with you, then they are fake, period! Many times a person doesn’t feel they are better because they have better, it is what it is. However, because in some folks heart of hearts they are jealous or envious to a degree; they allow how they feel to hinder how they treat you. It’s a pure shame!

People automatically assume you think you’re something when it’s farthest from the truth. Instead of people not liking you because you happen to have a little more than they have, they should figure out what’s wrong with them that’s allowing them to have the feelings they are having. It’s not your problem it’s there’s.

Many people have issues with individuals they know have achieved something when the opportunity is before us all in some way. It’s unfortunate some people can’t love you, because they are too filled with dissatisfaction concerning themselves. Instead of dealing with their own issues and reaching for the skies they can’t stand how other people chose to move forward.

Stop thinking people feel this way when they really don’t! I’ve seen many family members treat certain family members a particular way when they have a little more then them. They will either not really seem to care for the person because they are hating on them or they will gravitate towards the person trying to get what they can. People should love you for you being you and not for what you have. Any person doing otherwise has their own issues to contend with.

Yes; there are some people who achieve things and become boastful and arrogant. They act brand new (have their noses in the air). If you’re this type of person be careful, because the same way you got it, it can be gone. Lastly; you can’t take NOTHING with you when you leave this world. It’s very shallow to allow things (achievements regardless of what) to change you, because that’s all they are; things.

Speaking for myself; there is nothing I have or can obtain that will change me. I’m the same person regardless of what anyone thinks. In other words don’t allow how people treat you or what they think of you to hinder you. People will think what they think regardless. When you don’t give your power to them how they feel doesn’t affect you anyways!

Boundaries for A Peace of Mind


It seems there are many people who really don’t understand what setting boundaries in their lives mean and how empowering they can be to your life. Individuals allow others to invade and dominate their space and lives. I believe boundaries should be set between an individual and everyone that is involved in their life despite of the extend. If you don’t set boundaries sometimes people have the tendency to do whatever they want to you or at least they will give it a good try. I firmly believe in “nipping things in the bud”, not later, but right away.

This is my belief and what I think helps keep me grounded. We must have sense to learn how not to allow others to cause us unnecessary stress. This means husbands, wives, children, the job, friends, family, and any and everything. DO NOT RELINQUISH YOUR PEACE. Learn how to step back and away when it seems you’ve allowed stress to take up too much space.

Boundaries Against Your Children

My mom always said, “toddlers steps on your toes, but teenagers and adult children steps on your heart.” She sure didn’t lie about that! In saying that, it taught me that I had to build a boundary where my two adult daughters are concerned. I’m not saying they’re not good children, but they have their own lives and sometimes it doesn’t include me. I had to grow tough skin when it comes to that fact.

I initially built boundaries when they were little ones. I had to let them know who the parents were in the household. Sometimes children will try you, so you must lay boundaries and do not let them cross those boundaries.

Some parents have no control in their homes or over there children, because they have no boundaries, discipline, or structure in their homes. The children invade their space and privacy at will and they basically do what they want. Children play parents against one another and they can sometimes be quite manipulative. SET BOUNDARIES while they’re young and it will teach children about tolerances, limitations, respect, boundaries, and a host of other good attributes.

Boundaries Against Significant Others

Sometimes our significant others try us too. They want to see how far they can go with certain things. Boundaries must be set with them too. Sometimes they want to push you into things you don’t want. They may do things to you that is uncomfortable. You have every right to “nip it in the bud.” In setting boundaries in this area you can’t act as if you’re good with something today and tomorrow you have a problem with it. You have to set boundaries and stand firm on them and be consistent.

I can’t tell you what particular boundaries you should set against your significant other, but I can tell you if you don’t at some point something will happen that makes you uncomfortable and it’s because you never set a boundary against it. You must make it known what things can’t be crossed.

Boundaries in relationships are set according a person’s individual need. I think everyone should have a few.

Below are boundaries I believe are important to set against everyone in order to keep your peace and joy. I added them to a book I wrote and thought I would share some of what I wrote about with you.

Physical Boundaries These are boundaries we should set up against other people (everyone). If not, people will easily invade your personal space. When you have physical boundaries set and someone crosses them, if you correct a person right away, everyone will know exactly what you will and won’t allow. Some things you may let some people get away with while others you won’t. That’s normal, but regardless you should have them set with everyone.

Simple examples are:

Some people get too close to you or touch you (while in contact with you). This may be something that makes you uncomfortable. For some it’s a habit for others it’s a test to see how far they can go. To avoid any issues from it, set physical boundaries.

You may have friends or family who comes to your house and they go through your things, eat your food, use your things; etc. all without asking, (this happens with co-workers, etc. as well). If you have your boundaries up they will no that behavior won’t be tolerated by you. This boundary should apply to everyone you come in contact with. If not you make everything about you free game when it shouldn’t be.

Friends or family who like to be too chummy with your significant other or vice versa. You have to set boundaries in your relationships with friends and family by letting them know just because they’re friends and family some things you still won’t tolerate from them.

I think you get the idea. Setting boundaries can prevent or eliminate conflict that surrounds this issue in your life.

Mental Boundaries are boundaries you set against others to prevent you from becoming stressed to a point of dysfunction. Many people allow the problems of others along with their own issues to weigh them down to a point of disturbance in their mental states. This is a bad way to cope.

You can’t take everything in and hold it in. You have to learn how to relax and calm your mind. Problem is too many people in this world carry too much on their shoulders. They take and take. They give and give. It becomes too much for a person to bear. Then it causes dysfunction. People end up on medication to help them function day to day.

You can’t live life for anyone else. Life was designed that you live your own, I live mine own, and the next person lives theirs. When a person tries to fix everyone else’s problems, they end adding more to their very own. It’s great to be there for people, but when it comes down to it, each of us has to take ownership of our own individual lives.

Trying to do it all for everyone becomes exhausting and overbearing. When it becomes too far gone it can cause mental imbalance. Learn to set mental boundaries in your life so you do not lose focus and/or your mind. Some people have let it go too far and now can’t go day to day without taking medication. It is unhealthy state of mind.

Emotional Boundaries these are boundaries that can help you to stop getting so emotionally involved and drained over everything you see and/or hear. I believe when people are always going off of their emotions it is what leads to mental breakdown. It’s too much stress and strain on the body to constantly have emotional melt downs over any and everything.

People must learn how to take things as are and as they come while understanding life is designed with good and bad. We will have good days and certainly bad. Good things will happen and so will bad. No matter what we go through we mustn’t constantly give into our emotions in a negative way.

Both Emotional and mental episodes affect the mind. If the mind isn’t healthy nothing else is. It’s my thought that an over abundance of emotional instances lead to a broken mental status. This can be avoided by learning how to control your emotions and not allowing them to control you.

Spiritual Boundaries these are boundaries set against those who want to trample on your beliefs. I can’t tell you what you should believe. It’s your right to believe whatever you choose. Don’t let anyone shake your faith. We’re living in very trying times and our faith is what keeps us standing.

Your faith may be in something other than God. I recommend Jesus to all. But the bottom line is, it’s your choice as to what you believe. Be true to you. I can’t beat my faith into you, it wasn’t beat into me by anyone or God. However, I stand firmly on it. People around me can say and do what they want, it doesn’t shake my faith. I live my life for me and no one else.

We must have a wholeness about us. That means we must be healthy in mind, body, and spirit. When one domain is disturbed is affects the others in some way.

Stay strong and stay encouraged!!



I wanted to talk a little about this. In my opinion I believe the main reason this happens is because some people shouldn’t be together in the first place. People get together and marry for many reasons. How a couple get together is also very important (adultery, the hookup, online dating, etc..etc). Some reasons people marry are: They’re pressured into it or feel obligated, they allow their hearts to lead them wrong by going solely on the emotions they’re feeling, they allow good sex to cause them to lose focus (they’re sold on it), they allow other people such as family and friends to persuade them it’s time, they allow pregnancy to force them into it, they allow their biological clocks to drive them to do it, they allow circumstances such as deploying overseas to push them to hurry and marry, some people go off of how a person look and what they have to offer to drive them to marriage. I can go on and on. Bottom line is often times it won’t last. If people marry for any reason other than loving and being in love with one another they will have a hard time making it work.

A solid foundation is absolutely key for any healthy and lasting relationship. The problem is most couples don’t have this when they marry nor do they know how to communicate to get one. I believe the foundation surrounds God, communication, and being in love. However some people don’t believe in God, so they have to go on communication, love, and being in love. There has to be a solid foundation. Sex, money, family, friends, a child, status, good looks, etc, etc. None of it will keep a marriage together if the couple aren’t in love and able to effectively communicate.

Communication helps love to flourish and grow. Communication is a major key. If a couple don’t communicate their relationship is bound to fail sooner or later. Many couples live together, but aren’t in love.They’re doing their own individual things and living under the same roofs like roommates. They’re separated in the home and oth are unhappy, sad, and lonely. What type of relationship is this? It’s not one! Nothing is more miserable. Many stay together for financial reasons (cheaper to keep her or keep him). Regardless of the scenario if a couple aren’t in love it will be hard to keep it together.

Starting a relationship and building the foundation should involve getting to know one another. Unfortunately too many get married when they hardly know one another. It baffles me when I see couples together yet know nothing about one another or about the other’s family. People, this is a RED FLAG! You should always get to know a family member or someone who really knows the person you’re involved with. A person can tell you anything to get you. Don’t fall for this, get to know someone this person is related to, I don’t care if they have no siblings or if they’re adopted. Get to know someone in your significant others life, BEFORE you talk about marriage.

Get to know the individual. What I mean here is get to know who you’re with. Some things you should get to know are things such as:

Their likes, dislikes. The best way you will do this is through communication. It matters to your significant other to know you know their likes and dislikes. Nothing is more inconsiderate then to give someone something they don’t like or do things they don’t like.

Views on their faith and everything that  goes along with it. It’s important to know if your beliefs are similar. They may believe something different than you or they may worship somewhere you’re not willing to. This is something that needs to be addressed. If it’s an issue before marriage, it will be one after marriage.

Know their financial status. Will they be able to contribute financially or not. Are they indebt to others and if so is it by a large amount. In knowing this, it’s good to know their credit history as well. After marrying you may want to make a major purchase together, however this can’t happen if one has really bad credit.

Do they have kids and if they don’t do they want any? It’s also important to know about their relationship with their child’s parent. Do they allow the other parent to rule their current relationships? Many women get pregnant to trap men. This is a terrible thing and it doesn’t keep relationships together. What type of parenting style will you have if you have children together? It’s very important to know these things, because these things has ended marriages.

Important to know if they have about their health (mental and physical). You need to know if you’re getting with someone who has something you don’t want to catch or it’s someone you have to dedicate a lot of time and attention to, because they had something you didn’t know about. I’m not saying you shouldn’t take care of a loved one, but what I am saying is know if this is the case, before you marry. This gives you the opportunity to know what you’re getting into.

Learn if they’re mommas boy or daddy’s girl, because trust me this too causes problems when people decide to marry these types of individuals. If you can’t stand their momma before marriage, it won’t get better any time soon afterward you marry.

Know whether or not they have a criminal history. It’s important to know who you’re getting with. You don’t want to get with someone who can ruin everything you’ve accomplished for yourself.

Are they affectionate? Do they know how to show and receive love. Do they have a problem with holding you or kissing you. If they do, it gets lonely after being with someone and not receiving the affection you need. Too many people marry and accept things in thinking it will change later or they can change the person. It just doesn’t work this way.

What is their opinion of sex? Are they into things you’re not? Are they sex addicts or nymphos? Do they like to swing? Are they bi-sexual? It’s super important to know these things before you marry.

Are they a cheater or abuser? If so, if you accepted this behavior throughout dating, it will more than likely continue on into the marriage and possibly escalate into something more serious.

I can go on and on, but I hope you get the direction I am going in. It is very important to get to know your significant other. When people get together and marry without knowing one another it will always come back and bite both in the butt. When an individual accept anything to get with someone, you must understand what you accept is EXACTLY what you will be getting. More than likely they won’t change anytime soon and believe me, you will eventually hear the words “you knew this about me before we got married.” Guess what? It’s true!

People marry individuals who do things that drive them crazy before marrying them, yet they think their significant other will change once married. They marry people in thinking they can save them from drugs, alcohol, or other bad situations. You can’t! All you will do is end up like them. You will possibly become lost and confused, depressed, unhappy, develop anxiety, or worse. All because you foolishly thought you could save the person.

People get with individual’s who party all of the time. They like the strip clubs, etc, but when they marry they expect for the partying to stop. It simply doesn’t work this way. If you’re willing to accept them a certain way, this is how they will be.

What I’m saying here is communication is the key. You must get to know one another before marrying. If you can’t talk about any and everything with your significant other this is a major RED FLAG! I’m not saying start off asking some of the tough questions, however you do need to eventually address them. Anything you accept, ignore, or fail to address will come back on you later and pose as a major problem during the marriage. No relationship is perfect, but when it’s built on a strong solid foundation a couple can weather any store. If it’s built on anything other than love and being in love it’s going to be a battle.

Basically, all I’m trying to do here is to give you some insight. Too many marriages are failing these days, because people are getting into them for the wrong reasons or after marriage they’re allowing too many people from the outside inside. If you’re not in love with your significant other before marriage the marriage will be a struggle. If you’re not in love with who you’re with, you’re setting yourself up for drama. You will not be happy and the marriage will begin to fail, before it’s started good.

You can’t change anyone other than yourself. How you willfully accept someone into your life expect them to be that way. Is this you??? If it is please re-valuate your life, before making what is supposed to be a lifetime commitment. A husband and have should have other friends, but they should be one another’s best friend. I can’t tell you how many I know who can barely stand each other. They choose others to be their best friends and this too causes discord in relationships (hard to be best friends with someone you don’t really know). Everything I’ve written is based on personal experience or situations I’ve encountered while working with others.