Signs Are Ignored, But Still Exist

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It’s a shame the situations we willfully put ourselves in. I am including myself, because once upon a time I did it too, but thank God I learnt better and now do better. I’ve learned from every situation (good and the bad) in my life. It taught me what to accept and what not to accept. I clearly see pass feelings and emotions. It’s takes loving self and growth to get to such a point. When a person wants to change they will do it!

I keep reminding myself maturity doesn’t necessarily come with age. People make many bad decisions based on the state of mind they’re in. It’s all related to what is the true you! You can hide it from others, but never from yourself. People can present themselves as one thing and by the way, most do. However, if you want to know the truth simply watch and the truth will present itself in some form or another. It is always seen through a person’s decisions, choices, and ultimately their actions.

You all know I’ve written countless times “we teach others how to treat us and you will always be treated how you’ve allowed.” That is fact! If you choose to get into a relationship with someone who is constantly giving you drama, drama is what you will get. If you get into a relationship in the wrong way, with the wrong person, for the wrong reason, drama is what you will get. Trust and believe drama is on the way!

To break it down further. If a person don’t love self they are bound to be led by their feelings. If a person is carrying a lifetime of old baggage, they are bound to be led by their feelings and emotions. If a person gets with someone who is already with someone, it’s because of inside issues. To be with someone and do things you are uncomfortable with and wouldn’t normally do it’s due to what’s inside. If you allow yourself to be abused, mistreated, or disrespected, it’s because of what’s inside. I can go on and on. The point I am trying to relay is, people treat you how you allow. People allow this because they too are carrying their own baggage they need to deal with. Theirs is affecting them and yours affecting you. Now what do you think it will be? Chaos and drama, yet people will swear it’s love, when love hasn’t a thing to do with it.

People show you who they really are, sadly individuals fail to believe it. Signs are missed due to feeling and emotions. It all comes from negative states of mind people are trapped in and have become comfortable with. People find it difficult to see past their emotions and feelings until they find themselves drowning in a sea of chaos they willfully subjected themselves to. I know it’s a hard pill for many to swallow, yet it is still the truth! No one can change you or your situation other than you!

So many individuals get into relationships thinking they can change the other person. If they can’t change them they think they can save or fix them. You can’t save, fix, or change anyone; this includes your children, significant others, friends, family, or other people. One thing for certain is you can lose your peace, health, and strength in trying. It will leave you drained in more ways than one.

Stop loving people to death! They live and be who they choose to be while some of you die! I mean literally (stress, depression, suicide, etc) and if you don’t literally die you’re dead spiritually. You lose yourselves in trying to fix, save, or change other people. It’s nonsense! Know your worth and lay down boundaries and standards. You must first love you! When you love yourself you won’t allow anyone to bring unnecessary drama into your space/life!

There are a lot of people who get involved with individuals they swear they love and these individuals introduces them to drugs and alcohol. People are introduced to the streets, sexual immorality, and all kind of God forsaken things! Listen if you’re with someone who is introducing you to things which could devastate your life, you’re with the wrong person! Use common sense! No significant other is worth pain and drama in your life. Pain and drama goes hand in hand! Love has NOTHING at all to do with it. Getting involved with people who are bringing chaos in your life says a lot about you! It tells you something in your life needs fixing! To ignore it only adds to your internal issues. You’re trying to fix someone when you haven’t dealt with your own issues, now you’re dealing with those of the person you’re with as well. This is unnecessary stress and drama!

There are always signs! People don’t change into someone you don’t want to be with, they were already that way, but the signs were ignored, because you couldn’t see past your feelings and emotions. When things get unbearable, then and only then can people see the real deal; which was there all along! Unfortunately some people refuse to ever see the truth, because they can’t get past their feelings due to their states of mind. They make things solely about what they want and desire based on their feelings. They ignore the truth!

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Results of out of Control Negative Thinking

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Negative thoughts aren’t good, period! However, when thoughts are negative and out of control, they can lead to bad situations. We all have thoughts sometimes which are not what we normally would think. Thoughts will pop in our minds out of nowhere it seems. We all go through mental warfare. However, what we give power to controls us. The first thing the world wants to say is a person has a mental illness. Everything isn’t a mental illness, a lot of people are plain evil (learned behavior caused by some negative experiences) and some people simply allowed their negative thoughts to take control. They succumbed to them.

There are many people who have done the unthinkable. It started out with a simple thought which they allowed to grow. They fed it everyday all throughout the day giving it power. Once they gave power to it they were controlled by the thoughts. Remember with thoughts comes feelings and then actions. When people act out on their negative thoughts it can lead to dire consequences.

I don’t care what the thought is, if it’s negative and a person keep thinking about it, it does something inside. People begin to ponder over it, the more they do this, the more power those thoughts gain. They have feelings soon to follow and once feelings are involved people often have lost control. The next thing they know they’re doing the unthinkable (following through with actions) or at least doing something they never thought they would actually do.

Many people are talked into things by other people, and because of it they get things in their heads planted by others. Before they know it they’ve allowed the negativity to take hold of them and because of it they do bad things. It’s bad enough we get negative thoughts on our own. We shouldn’t allow others to influence us to do bad things. If you’re involved with people (anyone at all) who encourage or influence you to do something wrong, they are the wrong people to be around! It doesn’t matter who they are! This is why it’s extremely important people learn to think for self! Have sense enough to understand if it’s wrong, you shouldn’t want any parts of it. A lot of people do foolish things to belong, to gain what they think are friendships, to belong to a certain group or social circle.

People don’t understand the power they give to their thoughts! They don’t understand how consuming their thoughts become when they are fixated on them. It’s what they think about all the time. Then they end up with the feelings and emotions behind their thoughts which drives them to take some form of action. No one EVER do bad things out of the blue. They have taken time to think about it. If you take time to think something, you HAVE time to think about NOT committing the act. The problem here is, normally by now people are too far gone. All they are only focusing on at this point is committing the act behind the thoughts and feelings they’ve become consumed by. They don’t care about the consequences, they only care about committing the act!

There are many people who have a lot going on inside, they are (toxic, tainted, broken). A lot of these people get into relationships they shouldn’t be in. Although they get involved with other individuals; because of their own many issues they make things all about self. They don’t care who they hurt, they just want to feel vindicated for what they’re going through at the moment. Their present situations are extended branches of what was already brewing inside. Everyday people find themselves involved with these types of people and are ignoring the signs they are receiving.

Again I will write this; when you know and love yourself you’re more aware of who you’re getting involved with. You see and adhere to the signs. No matter how good it looks, feels, etc, you’ll know it’s not good for you and therefore will run the other way! People will come into your life already messed up and if you’re not careful they’ll mess you up even more than what you are. They have nothing to lose and therefore will make you lose all you have; to include your mind, body, and soul.

Blind by Feelings can Lead to a Deadly Outcome

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Yes, I am writing on this again. My daughter called me and told me someone who worked in her building was murdered by her boyfriend. The female went to the home they both had previously shared to retrieve her belongings and as soon as the guy answered the door, he shot her point blank in the face. This is so awful, sad, and could have been avoided.

I’ve always said and will continue to say is if you wait until things get bad in a relationship you may never get to leave. You may die in the relationship. Everyone has signs concerning our relationships, whether we adhere to them is another thing.

When initially starting a relationship people must first know who they are (self). You must first love yourself, know and understand the difference between your wants, desires, and needs. Most people don’t have a clue there are differences. When people don’t first love self, they are looking for something in somoene else that they don’t possess in self. They are led by emotions and feelings. They think because it looks good or feels good it is good for them. Wrong!! They are led solely by their flesh! They get into relationships with the wrong people for the wrong reasons.

People get into bad relationships thinking they can save or change the individaul. They think their sex is so great or whatever they’re offering is so great it will change the other person. No, it doesn’t work! You may give a person a reason to want to change, you may encourage them to change, but change ONLY occurs because the person needing to change decided it was time. If they change before they are ready they will ALWAYS revert back to who they really are, because the change was for you and not for them.

You can love a person with everything in you, it’s NOT enough if they’re an individual with a lot of issues. They need to work on self, therefore until they do they will ALWAYS have chaos following them where they go. You can’t fix, save, or change them. Those who get involved with these types of individuals oftentimes have their own issues as well. Let me put it this way. Those who stay definitely have their own issues. People who know who they are as individuals (self) will adhere to the signs and run for the hills!

I don’t care what you feel about a person, make sure you can see through the fog. People will ALWAYS in some form or fashion show you who they are and show you their tendencies early on. If you’re blind by your feelings and overwhelmed then you will most likely NOT see the signs staring you in the face! This is why people get into relationships for all the wrong reasons, with the wrong people, and in the wrong ways. They are being led by their thoughts and feelings about the person while missing all the signs the person is giving as to who they are.

People are cussed out, disrespected, physically assaulted, obssessed over, controlled early on, they are kept from other people, etc. etc. This isn’t love. Some individuals think it’s cute how a person goes crazy over them to the point of wanting to fight someone. They think it’s cute a person tells them what to wear, who they can and can’t be around, tell them what to do or demand them to do this or that. They think it’s cute how the person wants to spend all their time with them and not allow them around anyone else. They think the person playfully cursing them or smacking them is okay when they present it in a playful way. I can go on for days. These are signs of what’s to come. It is NOT LOVE! It’s a clear indication of what you can expect in the future.

The problem is many people stay; they try to work it out. Then they get to a point where they’ve stayed too long. The person is possessive, obsessive, controlling, and ALL THE ABOVE, now it’s a problem with leaving. People are afraid to leave because they know how the person will react. Some stay because they want security or they like what the person does for them, completely looking over the fact how they are treated. Many, many people have died in their unhealthy relationships when they shouldn’t have. They should have left long before the point of no return.

Stop being quick to tell a person where you live and other information you should keep to yourself until you really know who you’re dealing with. Stop being quick to have sex with people thinking it will make them want you; sex hasn’t EVER kept a relationship together. People will act according to what you tell them you want so they can give you exactly what you say you want TO GET YOU! The very thing you tell them you went through many will put you through, they will manipulate you into a relationship, because you allowed it before.

Both parties are to blame. They will be who they are, but you should always leave when you see potential for trouble. People show you who they are, but many think it’s a fluke, (a one time thing). NO it’s the real deal and many will see it! People show potential problems that individuals ignore! There are consequences of failing to adhere to the signs. People end up in miserably unhealthy and unhappy relationships or they end up dead!

Not every person with issues will allow nonsense in their lives. Some people despite their many issues still has sense enough to walk away. Thank God! However, there are a lot of people who won’t walk away. They stay and endure unnecessary drama from individauls they think they love.

People must wake up!!! Deal with your many issues before getting into relationships. Face your problems and work them out, because your problems and your significant other problems together can be a ticking time bomb! People with a lot of unresolved issues ends up with other people with unresolved issues. People are eager and some desperate for love, when they don’t really love self. People will treat you EXACTLY how you allow.

Holding on to the Past Affects Your Present

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Too many people do this! Many people focus on what has happened. Many people live this way entertaining a life long pity party. They can’t move forward, because they are stuck in the past. A past that no longer exists! It’s true! I’m not ever going to say the past didn’t exist or people didn’t go through what they’ve gone through. What I’m saying is the past itself is just that! It is gone! People must learn to stop giving power to the memories of their pasts. The more power you give to anything it controls you!

Many adults don’t give themselves chances to have the happy and fulfilled lives they should have, because they are fixated on what was! They’ve allowed the memories of their past experiences to control their possibilities for wonderful lives. They ruin their lives by their wrong ways of thinking. They are mad and angry over things that are long over. Hanging on to such junk is like drinking a bottle of liquid self destruction and expecting not to be affected by it.

It’s time people learn to let go of negative things. No matter who HAVE hurt you in the past, it’s you whose now hurting yourself. Your life is your life! All of us can choose to stay stuck or move on. Bitterness destroys!! The more power you give to negative thoughts the more they control you and keep you stuck in negative states of mind.

Some of you may say I don’t know or understand what you’ve gone through. You are correct, I don’t know! However, I know we all have a story we can tell. I do know and understand hurt, disappointment, unfairness, suffering, rejection, abuse, and many things that affects us. Although things may hurt us or even scar us, life goes on. Wounds heal if you stop picking at it! Pain subsides if you stop giving it power! Memories fade if you stop giving them life by constantly reliving them!

Feelings of hurt, pain, and suffering are universal. No one is exempt! People learn to move on by letting go. It’s 100% okay to feel the pain, however; when it defines you and controls your life it’s no longer okay. People who hurt people; are hurt people. Get it? It’s a vicious cycle!

It’s easier for people to believe they have to remain the way they are then for them to believe they can change. No matter the chaos people get content in their old ways of thinking, feeling, and acting. They know change means having to do something different. It means putting forth intentional efforts to be better! If you don’t choose change the only option is to remain the same. No matter who a person blames; the way an individual chooses to be is the individual’s choice.

Choosing to move on doesn’t negate the fact things happened. What it does is it puts the power back where it belongs; in your hands! Never allow someone or something power over you! Learn and gain strength from everything you go through, don’t let it render you powerless. The ONLY power anyone or anything has over you is the power you give!

Seeking Love in a Loveless Relationship

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I don’t know how many ways to say it or write it. You’re being treated the way you allow yourself to be treated. Loving him or her isn’t enough when they don’t love you. Stop putting yourself in situations where you’re used and taken advantage of. Stop giving everything you have thinking it will make him or her feel about you the way you feel about them. It won’t!

Love is only a figment of your imagination when you’re not loved in return. Far too many people are in loveless relationships. It’s loveless when it’s one sided. You loving him or her means nothing if they don’t love you back. If you loved yourself you wouldn’t ever allow someone to treat you any way they want. If you loved yourself you wouldn’t be desperate to be loved by someone who doesn’t love you.

Look at yourself and deal with you! Stop trying to love someone and give them your heart when you don’t even love yourself. You and your heart will be trampled on. Love isn’t one sided, not at all. A person who truly loves you knows it’s a word with action, which does NOT mean using you and taking you for granted. People who treat you this way are all for self, it doesn’t involve loving you. They know what they want and they know it’s not you! Stop selling yourself short! A significant other will stay in a relationship knowing full well their minds and hearts are many moons away! A person will ONLY treat you how you allow them to treat you! If you have no standards or requirements, then you get none! It’s as simple as that!

In these types of relationships, there is always someone else in the equation. The people you’re involved with always have other agendas. Matter of fact, they are people who aren’t happy with self. They too don’t know how to give or receive love. Love starts with you; the individual. You must be able to love yourself before you can effectively and in a healthy manner love someone else! If you don’t you will take or do anything in the name of love; when it’s not love at all!

The problem with many folks is they are too busy seeking something most never really experienced before. Instead of focusing on self they put all emphasis on the person they chose, when technically that person hasn’t chosen them. Regardless of how good a person makes you feel, if they don’t feel the same as you, it’s not about you. Sadly many people try to force something with someone when it was ever meant to be. This is why many are in unhealthy and loveless relationships.

The person you love is definitely some of the problem, but your biggest problem is yourself. People get all wrapped in their feelings and emotions allowing them to take control. Anything you have given your power to has control over you, (feelings, emotions, people, things). People who never really loved you or wanted to be with you will always show it in some way or show how. Those who deny it are denying the truth! It’s why they are in loveless relationships. They believe it’s love, but it’s not! Many people hold themselves back from true love trying to hang on to somone who wasn’t ever intended for them.

Memories and Thoughts and the Power you Give Them

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There are millions of hurt people in this world who unfortunately hurt other people. Many people live their lives based on what others have said or done to them. They find it difficult to move forward because they are pulled backwards by their minds; which by the way have imprisoned them. No one can save you, no one can fix you, and no one can change you. The only one who can do it is you! You may have people around to influence, motivate, encourage, or inspire you to want to change, but if the willingness to change doesn’t come from you, the change will only be temporary. People who change to please others will always revert back to who they really are.

There are many people who feel they must be validated by others and because of it they are at the mercy of others. They allow other people to dictate how they feel about self. Those you give your power to know they have it and they will abuse it. People prey on who they think are weak, because the prowler him or herself are weak! They see and feel it in their prey!

Most people are accustomed to how they’ve been all their lives. It feels familiar and comfortable. Instead of trying to change they continue to live how they’ve always lived. No matter how miserable and hurt they feel they continue living their lives the same way. Many people blame others for who they are. I admit other people contribute to our lives in many ways both positive and negative. However, when you point at someone to blame them, you have three fingers pointing back at self. I think it’s a way for us to take ownership of who or what we’ve become.

Despite what a person goes through, despite how traumatic; who a person becomes as adults falls on the individual. People can choose to remain the same or they can choose better than what they came from. When people choose to remain the same they’ve seem to opt out of changing. Sometimes the people who have wronged them are dead and gone; yet people are still holding on to their experiences with the person/people through their memories. Memories are real, how strong they reign inside of a person is up to the individual.

Believe it or not none of our pasts exist today. None of them! We are all living in the present. If people do not deal with the issues of their pasts they are affected for a life time. It affects every facet of a person’s life. Not once have I said the past didn’t exist, of course it existed, but it’s not what we live in today. It is behind us and only the memories of it remains. Unfortunately for many people those memories are very real and strong. People are trapped by their own minds, because they’ve given power to the memories of their pasts. They carry these residual affects throughout their lives. It shapes them into what they’ve become. It’s a cycle most past down through generations until someone breaks the chain.

Many people walk around smiling, yet they are broken and hurting inside. Pretending will never give a person the understanding or will to deal with what’s causing them pain and suffering. People must learn to face it in order to move on. Those who do can go on to lead productive lives. However, those who don’t will live their lives as a revolving door. They will go in and out the same type relationships with the same types of people and wonder why. They will make the same bad decisions and choices and wonder why. They will allow people to take advantage or misuse them and wonder why it’s happening. They will continue to be unhappy which oftentimes lead to other things such as depression and even worse things like suicidal or homicidal thoughts, etc. Not all people will go through those thoughts, feelings, or emotions, but some will, because they don’t understand most times our biggest enemy is self. The power of the mind is beyond belief, but our thoughts and memories are only as powerful as we make them.

Things will happen to us, but how we deal with those things depends on how we receive them, perceive them, and the power we give to those things. We are our own greatest enemy, because we give so much power to negative memories of our pasts which has led to negative ways of thinking, period! The past doesn’t cause people any further pain, people do it to themselves by not dealing with the issues of their pasts. Instead they focus on the memories as if they are present today. It’s like a wound, if you constantly dig in a wound it won’t heal properly and because of the constant manipulation of it, the person could cause other issues. This is how many live their lives. They keep going back to the memories of their pasts. They are trapped by their own minds.

Today is a brand new day given to each of us. We can choose to become better or we can choose to stay the same. None of us will forget what we’ve gone through, but none of us have to be prisoners to our own minds, causing the inability to move forward. We don’t have to give our power to anything or anyone!

Live your life for you first! If you’re not healthy and whole you’re really not any good for anyone else. Sadly many go through life with all of their issues while trying to love others when they first don’t love self. This is proven every single day by people who constantly are in and out of unhealthy relationships or people having children and messing them up from the gate. Those are only two examples out of many.

Learning to become better has to be something a person wants. It starts with the individual. You’re not what or who someone else says you are unless you believe it yourself. No one should ever accept negativity from anyone else. You have the power to be whatever you choose to be. Never settle and think you should be a certain way because of what someone else said or did. They don’t get to choose, you do!

Facing Your Biggest Problem, You

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It’s not him or her, it’s you! Stop trying to hold on to people who have let you go. Stop trying to hold on to a person who doesn’t feel you’re worth fighting for. It means you’re not as important to him or her as they are to you. The person you’re with must think you’re just as important, if not they aren’t as into you as you are to them. Too many live their lives struggling to hold on to people who are NOT holding on to them. It causes unnecessary chaos and drama in the lives of many.

People give their significant others too much power over their lives. They can’t function when the one’s they love walk away or simply don’t really want them. If a person wants to walk let them. Stop taking up space in your mind over someone who don’t even think of you! Some people literally can’t function because someone walked away from the relationship. I’m sorry I think it’s nonsense! It’s only my opinion. I know we’re all different. It doesn’t make sense to me to lose your mind over someone who doesn’t care how you feel.

Many people go through hell and high water to be with individuals who don’t want to be with them. When a lot of people stay it’s not that they want you, they like what you do for them and it’s the only reason they stick around. They treat the individuals they are with like crap, because they are allowed to. You have to deal with the monsters you created. Why? It’s because we teach people how to treat us. Whatever you allow it will happen! When you nip things in the bud people know where you stand!! When you allow things to continue to go on; you let people know where you stand!! The control is always yours, unless you give it away.

There are a lot of people who want to give up because the one’s they love don’t love them back. Seriously? If a person doesn’t want to be with you let them go. Trying to keep them where they don’t want to be will only prove to be a dead end and unhealthy situation. If a person is trying to hold on to someone when the person doesn’t want to be there, you must look at self and figure out what’s going on with you, NOT the other person. They’ve shown you who they are and what they want, now it’s up to you to deal with your feelings and emotions and stop allowing them to lead you in the wrong direction.

None of us can change another person, we can only change ourselves. We have to look at self and determine what we have to fix about self. Stop blaming the other person, because the other person is doing what they want to do. Life will go on even if you choose to remain stuck in place. No one is worth it. No one is worth the heartache or headache. If they want to walk, open the door for them! Same door they walked out of someone else will walk in. The difference should be you’re stronger and have more wisdom, knowledge, and understanding so not to make the same bad decisions again.

Most people look at relationships they’re in one way; and that’s according to how they feel about the other person. Hold up! Remember, you’re never the only person in a relationship, it always takes two! People get caught up in how they feel and fail to fully understand how the other person feels. A person shows you the truth no matter how subtle. People fail to see it, because they are blind by their thoughts, feelings, and emotions of the person they think they love or want to be with.

Stop doing things you feel uncomfortable with, stop trying to be someone you’re not, stop accepting any ole thing, stop allowing yourself to be mistreated, stop blaming the other person and take responsibility and ownership for you and your life, stop worrying about what the other person is doing and take care of you, and please stop giving your power to someone else.

I promise you, if you love yourself it will be enough!
You may feel lonely sometimes, but it’s better than being with someone and still lonely. Being alone is better than being with someone and in love by yourself. Being alone is better than being with someone yet separate, because they are doing their own thing. Being alone is better than being with someone who is only with you because of what you provide. Being alone can be a greater teacher if allowed. Learn to love you and you will see that no one will love you like you and if you love you, you know everything will be alright!

Individuals must learn how to see past their feelings, if they don’t they will continue to get into the wrong types of relationships, with the wrong people, for all of the wrong reasons. Happiness doesn’t start or end with anyone, but yourself; others may be a part of your happiness, but you definitely shouldn’t depend on anyone to bring happiness in your life. You first have to find it within yourself!