When you Don’t Love Yourself


It is apparent to most people, but not apparent to the individual. Most people think they have it all together, however the truth is told in the decisions people make about their lives. People are quick to say they want to know the truth until you give it to them, then they are upset with you.

There are many people in this world who are seeking love and many unfortunately think they’ve found it. My question is how do you know what love is from someone else when if you first don’t love yourself or haven’t really experienced it from anyone?

People focus on receiving love from others, but not on loving self. Other people will treat you exactly how you allow. I don’t care how good you treat someone else people will play with your heart, feelings, and emotions for as long as you allow. Why you may ask? It’s because they too have issues they need to face. If a person don’t know what love is they will accept what they are getting as love.

This is why we see many women and men getting with people who abuse them or kill them. They also abuse or kill their children. This is why we see people getting with individuals who drain them financially, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Again, people do to you what you allow. What they think is love simply is not!

When a person is desperate for love they will do anything to get it. This is a person who doesn’t love his or herself. There’s no way possible a person can love his or herself an allow someone else to mistreat them or their children. No way on earth! People who love self no their worth!

You shouldn’t have to buy love. By the way it’s impossible to buy love, people think they can. They aren’t buying love, they are buying the other person. Stop giving and watch what happens! You shouldn’t have to ever deal with abuse, disrespect, belittling, controlling individuals, obsessed or possessive individuals, or people who cause you or your loved ones harm. None of it signifies love in no kind of way.

A lot of people don’t know what love is, because it’s how they were brought up and unfortunately they got comfortable with it and settled for it. What I mean is as people get older who they choose to become falls on them. We can stay the same or we can choose to change. Point blank! People who do not embrace change carry baggage from one place to another continuing to pile up the drama in their lives and the lives of others.

If a person doesn’t love his or herself they will take and take either until some tragic happen or their eyes become open and they realize the unhappy relationship they are in. If you don’t love yourself people will sense your vulnerability and many will prey on you. Other people can sense when a person is eager in their quest for love. The people who prey have their own issues as well, but the individuals who become involved with them can’t see their issues, because they can’t see their own.

Love is many things, but it’s never abusive, disrespectful, controlling, demanding, obsessive, or possessive. It can’t be brought with money or material things. If you don’t love yourself it’s time to look in the mirror and deal with you! No one can fix you, but you!

Think about why are you allowing someone to treat you the way they are. Think about why you are settling. You will find it starts and ends with you! A person may try one time, but if you love yourself, you will nip it in the bud asap! Don’t allow your feelings and emotions to blind you to the truth. If you do you will always find yourself getting in a bad situation or staying in one. As I always say; face that man or woman in the mirror and accept a change needs to occur!


Do You Even Know What You Need


My question is what do you really need? Do you understand needs and wants differ? Many people are led by their wants and desires. They don’t care what they have to do to get what they want. They don’t care who toes they step on, who they hurt, who butt they have to kiss, who they have do, they don’t care if the person is married, in a relationship or what, many will still go after the person. This is wrong! They will surely end up regretting it. Most people cause their own issues by how they start out in their relationships.

I’ve said many times, people get into and stay in relationships for all of the wrong reasons. They get into relationships in all of the wrongs ways and with the wrong people who they never should have been involved with in the first place. Many find it out the hard way.

Most people don’t have a clue the type of person they need in their lives. They have too many issues and they are moving on emotions/feelings. They allow how they feel lead them into bad situations and bad relationships. Before a person can truly understand what they need, they must get past seeking what they want out of mere feelings and emotions. In order to have a lasting relationship people must look beyond feelings and self gratification and start looking at the big picture. If a person is led by their flesh they are liable to get into any type of relationship with any type of person. They are normally moving based on feelings alone.

When I write about people getting past feelings what I am trying to make people understand is that when they are driven by feelings alone they will always end up in situations they don’t want to be in. However, out of sheer feelings, desires, and wants individuals think it’s what they need when it’s not! Yes, feelings are a part of a relationship. However when a person is blind by their feelings it causes them the inability to see, accept, and understand reality due to their distorted views. When a person is all caught up in their feelings it is what they are led by. People must mature past this and to a point of seeing the truth for what it is. Although it may look and feel good, a mature persons know it doesn’t mean it’s good for them and they will know how to avoid it or keep it moving all together.

People should grow as they go through things in life, unfortunately many don’t. They continue to make the same mistakes over and over. They are people who are led by their feelings and emotions and more than likely have unresolved inner issues keeping them in the wrong mind set. Normally they don’t understand love, therefore they seek it in all the wrong ways. Love starts with self, if you don’t love yourself you will certainly have issues trying to find it in someone else. People mess up trying to get something from someone else when they don’t really know what it is, because they don’t love self. When you learn to love yourself you know and understand your value and worth. It changes how you look at things and what or who you accept into your life.

Truth is a person who doesn’t understand love will normally gravitate to people who are not good for them. They end up in bad unhealthy relationships. Many people are afraid to leave these relationships for numerous reasons. They fear losing the security they think they have, they are afraid to go because they are afraid of the person, they feel trapped, they are caught up emotionally and think it’s the best thing for them, and the list goes on. The only person can change a situation is the person in it! It starts with the man or woman in the mirror!

It’s not Love, it’s You


I posted about love being blind a year or so ago, I am readdressing this today. Despite what many believe love is NOT blind! Love is kind, patience, good, beautiful, and it is a word that describes emotions and feelings. A million people may have a million different descriptions for love, however it is only pure and good! God is love therefore it’s nothing but good! It is NOT what a lot of people think it is or claim it to be. One thing for certain it’s NOT blind! People who think they are in love are the one’s who are blind. They are blind by their emotions and feelings.

I don’t care how young or old many people are still led by their emotions and because of it they make horrible decisions and choices. Yes, due to different upbringings, environments, etc it can affect the way people think, perceive, feel, and act. However, ultimately as adults we can continue the same or choose to change.

People have many issues they haven’t faced or resolved, then they turn around and couple it with someone who also have their barrel of issues. They end up in chaotic relationships. They are either used or they are the users. They are controlled or they are the one’s who are controlling. They are abused or they are the abusers. They are manipulated or they are the manipulators. What I’m boiling it all down to is they have this negative load they transfer from relationship to relationship. They seem to continue to go in and out of relationships with the same type of people. They haven’t figured out that although the person they are with may undoubtedly have issues, they have a host of their own as well.

When a person is led by the flesh it is always for some form of self gratification. They will go to the extreme to get it. When it comes to their relationships these individuals are moved by what they are feeling and it clouds their judgment. No matter how bad their situations really are they can’t see the truth, because they are blind by their feelings and emotions. People around them can see, but the individuals who are involved can’t see the truth. People ONLY wake up when it’s so bad something has to give, they then begin to clear the fog. Unfortunately some never see through the fog!

These types of people have many insecurities. I’m speaking beyond the normal insecurities a person may have. I think we all have something, but not to the point of it affecting us. People who have issues they haven’t resolved or learned to cope with the affects of those issues allow their insecurities to wreak havoc in their lives. They are individuals who lean and depend on others for happiness. They seek love in all of the wrong ways, people, and oftentimes places. They need someone to make them feel validated. When they are in relationships they either love too hard too quick or their trust and insecurities causes other problems for them and their relationships.

The best recommendation I can give a person is to look inward at self. People can’t put the blame on no one, who we are lies with us. I know there are many avenues and experiences to get us to where we are, but individually we have
to take responsibility for who we choose to be. If people step back and look clearly at their situations they will see the truth. If people continue to be led by how they feel they will continue be led into places they really don’t want to be. People treat you EXACTLY how you allow them to treat you, they won’t change how they treat you until you change how you allow them to treat you! Get it!!

If people stop being obsessed by their feelings they can see clearly. People must first love self and when they do how they see things change. People who love self matures to a new level of understanding. They know they don’t need a woman or are a man to validate them and they embrace if they have to be alone until the right one comes along. They’re no longer interested in Mr. or Ms. Right now! They learn good looks don’t get it, money doesn’t get it, status doesn’t get, or any of those things. They will understand what they want may NOT be what they need!

Always look at your situation and never settle for one way love, because in truth it’s no love at all!

Author of Destruction


I wanted to write about what is going on in the minds of people. Many people in this world are under the influence of the devil and they don’t know it. Too much evil is going on and societies are chalking it up as mental illness when it’s not. I heard on the news yesterday a woman stabbed her four children and their father to death. Tell me that’s not pure evil????????????

The devil is busy killing, stealing, and destroying. Those who haven’t uncovered the truth of what is going on with self will continue lives of dysfunction. They will continue on paths of destruction until they discover who they can be and stop embracing what they are. They then can recover and live the lives God intended.

People succumb too easily to the trick of the devil because they don’t really understand they are under his influence. When you’re not connected to Jesus you are capable of doing anything. People who aren’t in tune with self certainly aren’t in tune with God the Father and Jesus the Son.

The reason the devil is getting into the minds of people is because they are living by the flesh alone. They are in the world doing all the worldly things. They have focus on all of the wrong things. They are self absorbed and selfish; making things all about self.

Those who aren’t in tune with self are led by their negative ways of thinking. They get something into their heads/minds and although technically they know what they’re thinking isn’t right, they will continuously ponder over it until they develop feelings behind the thoughts; leading to negative actions behind the feelings. This is how people end up making bad choices and decisions; they are led by their negative and distorted ways of thinking. When you ponder long enough over negative thoughts you will more than likely act on those thoughts. People are giving power to the negativity until it takes over. This is a form of possession.

It’s nothing but the devil. He already know the minds of many people are weak. These people already have many unresolved issues they haven’t let go; which has already caused them to lead chaotic lives. It’s all destruction and the devil is the father of destruction. When you let him drive he takes over and control. This is what’s happening in the world many are under the influence of the devil and moving at his command without any resistant. This leads people to making some of the worst decisions and choices of their lives.

The powers of good and evil are in full effect. What we choose is what we choose. The devil don’t tight anyone up to serve him, he enters in through all of the avenues people make available. The devil doesn’t fight against those who are on his side; he simply leads them into further destruction and ultimately death. People must wake up!

You’ve Made Your Past Your Present


No one can move on if they haven’t let go of the past. The past is still the present for many people, because they refuse to let go of what they’ve gone through and have dealt with. This isn’t healthy for anyone. These types of people become content and trapped in their old ways of thinking, feeling, and acting. They wear it like a badge of honor.

A person can’t grow if they are stuck. Too many people give power to their pasts. They won’t let the memories go, therefore they are constantly bombarded with thoughts and feelings of what has happened. People get older, but they don’t grow and develop mentally, because they are caught up in their past and it corrupts their present. They don’t make any efforts to change. Their lives are full of woe it’s me, complaints, pain, and sorrow. Every time you see these individuals it’s the same draining thing all over again.

Millions sabotage their lives on a daily basis. They refuse to let go of things that are done and over. Living this way completely destroys the lives of many people. It brings nothing other than chaos and havoc into their lives. They live dysfunctional lives, causing it to pool into all areas of their lives. What’s even sadder is many of these people bring children into the world wreaking havoc into the lives of their children.

When people can’t let go they grow older and into destructive adults who are unhappy with their lives. They do unthinkable things, they associate with the wrong people, they have distorted thoughts and views, they repeatedly make bad choices and decisions, they are angry, and a host of other things. They allow their pain to affect every aspect of their lives, (home, work, relationships, etc).

No one is exempt from the troubles of this world. The difference is resiliency. It’s all about how people perceive and deal with what they’ve gone through or what they are going through. Those who choose to get past things will and those who choose to waddle, embrace, and hold on to the negativity will do so despite the turmoil it causes. People who won’t let go are often walking time bombs and if they aren’t they are miserable with self and life. They are angry and bitter and it disrupts their lives in every way.

People are products of their environments, but I believe they choose to be victims of their pasts. We all have pasts. God knows if I had of succumbed to some of what I’ve experienced where I would be. I’m grateful for even as a young child I bounced back and I was able to deal with things positively. I clearly remember looking at other people and saying to myself I do NOT want to be like him or her. As a young child I saw destruction and chose early on I didn’t want to have any parts of a negative lifestyle. God had His hands on me early in life, but of course I didn’t have a clue. Now I see clearly!!

I realize we all perceive things differently and deal with things differently. However, we ALL have the power to choose positive over negative. We all have the power to choose to let go! Some people do not want to grasp hold of positive nor do they want to let go. A person behave according to what they believe. If a person think they deserve less, it is how they will more than likely act.

My heart goes out to people who think they don’t deserve better. It goes out to people who don’t want to change. No one has to live this way. Open your hearts and minds to change. Know that if you can’t let go, it’s because you’re comfortable and familiar with old bad habits and negative ways of thinking. If you carry around negative thoughts it breeds the negative feelings and actions behind them. Today is a new day and a chance to choose change!!!

If you Accept it you Chose it


The post is written about people who are in relationships and accepting whatever in the name of what they think is love. Many people are in relationships never meant for them to be in. I’m currently working on a book about this. I know many before me have written on the topic and many will write about it when I’m long gone. I feel it’s time I put my opinion about it in writing. I pray someone somewhere will learn something.

It’s terrible to see people in bad relationships. Unfortunately and sadly it is a personal choice of freewill. Many people choose bad relationships due to their own insecurities derived from a host of unresolved issues. If an issue isn’t resolved it leads to other problems.

In my opinion and without a doubt people get into relationships and miss all of the important signs telling them to proceed with cautious or RUN! They think they have the power to change the other person when they can’t even change self. Does it make any sense???? First of all, if you feel it’s necessary to change someone else, then you’re at least somewhat aware there is potential for a problem to occur. Why move forward???? This is a sign straight from the start. Sadly many continue in their relationships knowing full well something isn’t right.

Sometimes I look at people and literally want to shake them to wake them up. They are caught up in their feelings about the other person and it has them totally blind. Many are disrespected, neglected, rejected, disconnected, and subjected to all kinds of things. They take and accept things from the ones they love that they themselves would never do to them.

Some people feel the person they’re with deserves the best from them, therefore they do any and everything to please the individual. However, in the midst of it they receive the worst from the individual. It makes no sense at all. Never choose to be mistreated. If you accept it, you chose it! There are no and’s, if’s, or but’s about it!

The best recommendation I can give in this situation is to STOP it before it STARTS! Too many find themselves in loveless, unhappy, and unhealthy relationships because they failed to adhere to the many signs in the beginning. Instead of treading the water they jumped right into the deep end without a clue how to swim. Later feeling pulled under and drowning due to their bad choices and decisions.

When you meet someone you’re interested in, before losing your mind, use your brain! How you start any relationship is indicative to how it will end. If you get with a person who is abusive they will certainly eventually beat you whether mentally, emotionally, or physically. If you get with a person who is already in a relationship with someone else he or she is a cheater and eventually they will cheat on you. If you get with a person who has no ambition or goals don’t expect for him or her to change, so don’t make it a problem later. If you get with a person who is into immoral things, when it becomes a problem later, remember you chose it. If you get with someone who’s beliefs are different from yours, it’s what you chose. You can’t save no one, but yourself. You can’t change no one but yourself. I can go on for days with examples.

Bottom line and the moral to it all is you can’t change ANYONE else. You may inspire someone to want to change, but the individual is the one who makes the change happen, NOT YOU! Many people have changed temporarily to get what they wanted and then reverted back to who they really are. Why? It’s because they aren’t ready for real change. It can’t be forced. If you’re struggling with trying to change someone else, the real struggle should be with changing yourself.

If you get into a relationship being led solely by what you’re thinking and feelings about the person and not looking at the big picture, I guarantee you that you will later regret it. Get out of your feelings and see the truth for what it is. Most times people are stuck on how they are feeling about the other person; dismissing what the other person’s actions are saying how they feel about them.

Emotional and Physical Connections


I don’t claim to be something I am not, however, there has been a great change in my life since making Jesus my choice. I don’t believe in fornication, adultery, or any form of sexual immorality, but I know many people live differently than I do, therefore as a writer, I have to write about what people are dealing with.

There are women who are attached emotionally to the men they want to be with which almost always leads to physical. Then there are men who are attached physically, but doesn’t necessarily mean they have the same type of emotional ties to who they’re with.

A person can not leave the decision to be drug along to the person who is doing the dragging. The  decision to be emotionally and physically connected to someone who’s only tied physically to you is a personal decision. Ladies, learn to value yourself more than this, because if you don’t; you will continue to find yourselves in relationships that are unhealthy for you. Some men find themselves in these types of relationships same as women.

We’ve all heard “women are emotional and men are physically.” I think this pertains to those who aren’t mature enough to handle a relationship. They aren’t ready for the commitment; they have too much baggage affecting how they deal with relationships (it’s all about sex/physical connection or it’s all about being with someone despite what you receive; a lot of women fall in this position, but oftentimes so do some men). All of the bad decisions, wrong choices, etc., comes from baggage festering inside, it corrupts the ability to make good sound decisions and choices.

If the truth be told, we are all physical and emotional creatures. It doesn’t mean a person has to be lead solely by one or the other. Those who are need to deal with their baggage and they need to mature (grow up)! If a man is lead solely by physical attraction, he needs to grow up. If a woman is lead solely by her emotions, she too needs to mature (grow up). In life mature men and woman know and understands no healthy relationship is built solely on a physical attraction or emotions. It will crash and burn!!

Women ARE in fact physical creatures! Before a woman wants to be with someone she has to have that physical attraction and what seals the deal are the emotions she feels from the total package. This can lead to a train wreck when who she’s with doesn’t feel the same in return. The problem is some women fall too fast for men who hasn’t fell for them. Many men are lead by what they see and it is also what drives most to seek after what they see. For men, there is always some type of emotional tie, but if he isn’t looking for a committed relationship he is able to disconnect the emotions from what he wants physically. Unfortunately a lot of women become too emotionally tied to men who don’t feel the same connection to them. This is why it’s important to get to know who you are with. People must learn to effectively communicate and know when they’re on the same accord.

Some women have a lot of drama in their relationships when they try to get something from the other person that the other person isn’t ready, willing, or able to give. It causes havoc in relationships! Too many people set themselves up for disaster from the start of their relationships. First of all, many get into relationships for the wrong reasons and in all of the wrong ways. There are many women who out of emotions believe  the men they are with really want to be with them, when the truth of the matter is their men only want to get with them on a physical level. These women feel because the men keep going back they feel the same way about them. This isn’t the truth, the truth is these men are able to separate any deep emotional feelings, from what they want physically. This makes him easily able to keep going back.  Some women continue to give themselves to these men in hoping they will change the minds of the men they are with. It doesn’t work! Why lose your mind wanting to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? He wants what you have, but he doesn’t want you! Get it!!

Bottom line is these types of relationships will never be healthy or lasting unless some serious change occurs. Remember I always say you teach the one you’re with or want to be with EXACTLY how to treat you. A person will continue to get from you exactly what they want if you freely give it no matter what IT is!