It’s Not Love, It’s About What You Do

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Many people find themselves in relationships where they are being used. Relationships that are built on WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR ME!  People continue to get into relationships based solely on how they feel about the one they’re with, completely overlooking how they’re treated. They can’t see what’s staring them right in their faces.

It’s not hard to see the truth if you’re open to the truth. A person can’t see the truth if they are blind by their feelings. Many individuals are in relationships, but are still lonely and unhappy.

Oftentimes the truth is plain and clear to everyone but the one who needs to see it. If you give everything at your disposal thinking it will make a person love you; YOU’RE WRONG! Some of you give money, money, money. Then there are those of you who are constantly buying and giving material things. Some of you think because you have status that it will make the person you’re with love you. NONE of it works! You can literally take your heart out of your chest and hand it to them, it will not make them love you. You could give them the moon, sun, and stars; if they don’t REALLY love you, it won’t matter. Stop looking outward and start looking inward.

These types of people will take from you as long as you give. If you’re with someone and it’s ALWAYS about giving something or doing something for that person, you need to check yourself and re-examine the relationship you’re in. Sadly, you’ve taught that person exactly how to treat you.

I don’t care how much you think you love someone, if it’s all about the other person all of the time, this says a lot about you. You can make a person comfortable, they will make you think they love you, but in fact they love what you have and what you can do for them. Does this sound like you?

You can’t buy love in no shape, form, or fashion. It’s wonderful to be a nice giving person, but if you’re allowing someone to take advantage of you, it’s a different story. If your relationship is one-sided it’s because that is exactly what you’ve settled for. You started out the wrong way, you set the standard, and you taught the other person how to treat you.

Anytime you’re in a relationship with someone you will always get what you’ve allowed. A person can’t treat you any other way then how you’ve allowed them to treat you.

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Should You Stay or Should You Go

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The decision lies with you, however you must be able to make it with a clear head. You must be able to deal with your situation without continuing to allow your heart to lead, this is the ONLY way you will make the right choice. Allowing your heart to lead got you where you’re at and dealing with what you’re dealing with.

Far too many people get into and stay into dysfunctional relationships. I’ve written many times about how people get into relationships for the wrong reasons and stay in them for all of the wrong reasons. Many people are too busy seeking love in all of the wrong ways and the wrong places. They lose focus trying to find something in others that they themselves don’t have. They are seeking love in others when they don’t love themselves. Some of you may not agree, but it’s true. When a person REALLY love his or herself, they will be careful the types of people they become involved with or allow into their lives. They will NOT allow anyone to treat them any ole kind of way.

People continue to get into bad relationships, relationships with clear signs the relationships are not good for them. Yet they continue on with these relationships because as I’ve always said, “they are allowing their hearts to lead.”

Do you stay in a relationship that has drained you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physical? If you’re at that point, I believe you’ve stayed too long.

Do you stay in a relationship where you’re constantly crying, sad, miserable, and lonely? If you do, you will stay that way until you either decide to work on it or you decide to move on. Remember, just because you want to work at it, doesn’t mean the person you’re with do. It won’t ever be a healthy relationship if you’re not on the same accord.

Do you stay in a relationship where you’re constantly disrespected and abused? I think NOT! This isn’t love. Too many people stay in these types of relationships until they get to a point where they’re too afraid to leave. If this is the case, YOU’VE STAYED TOO LONG. You should NEVER be afraid of the person you’re with. Unfortunately some never leave because they die in their unhealthy and abusive relationships.

Do you stay in a relationship where you’re constantly cheated on? You’re not the reason a cheater cheats. It doesn’t matter how you look, what you have, etc; a cheater will cheat. When a person is content with someone constantly cheating on them they’re a person with issues that has caused them to devalue his or herself. You’ve taught your significant other how to treat you. No matter how much you love someone it won’t make them love you, it won’t keep them with you, and it certainly won’t keep them from cheating.

Do you stay when there’s no affection between the two of you, you’re sleeping separate NOT because of health reasons but because your significant other doesn’t want to be near you, and they clearly don’t want to be with you? It’s unbelievable the amount of people who are in these types of relationships. They are basically roommates. This is very sad.

I can add many more scenario’s, but the bottom line of it all is to stay or leave is a decision ONLY you should make. I’ve written many posts saying that people treat you EXACTLY how you allow them too. If you let someone treat you any way they choose; then it’s EXACTLY what they will do. Point blank!!!

People need to get out of their feelings and face their situations with honesty and truth. Relationships normally end how they started, but oftentimes at the other end of the spectrum. For example if the relationship is built on sex, sex is the last thing either person will want. Unless a person has matured into a mature adult individuals will continue to get into relationships based on feelings of their hearts. These relationships are doomed from the start. These types of relationships either won’t last or will end up dysfunctional.

Despite of a person’s feelings towards his or her significant other, it takes both individuals to develop a healthy relationship. It doesn’t matter who it is; a person will or can ONLY do to you what you have allowed. If you allow a person to treat you bad for so long they will become inconsiderate and complacent. They will take you for granted. If it’s okay with you how you’re treated, then this is EXACTLY why you’re treated the way you are. If it’s okay with you, it’s okay with them. Everyone together isn’t meant to be together and many find themselves trying to make something work when it isn’t meant to be. Get out of your feelings and face the truth!

WHEN THE LOVE IS GONE

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Unfortunately sometimes in life we cause our own demise in our relationships.

Most times once the love is gone, it’s gone for good. Sometimes it can be recaptured, but for the most part when it’s gone, it’s gone. Before individuals get to this point in their relationships every measure should be taken to do the right thing from the start NOT when you see the love is dwindling. Too many people wait until it’s far gone before trying to fix things. In relationships you simply can’t do this. If you do, you may not like the consequences. Many people let things go until they’re out of control. Once a person loses the love they once had for their significant other it’s hard to rekindle things or to get things back on track.

Some people do whatever they think they’re big and bad enough to do. Their significant others put up with a bunch of things and they take and take, but when they’ve had enough the person doing all of the mess decides they want to straighten up. By then, it’s too late for the relationship.

In marriages and relationships leading to this commitment, you simply can’t do whatever you please. You’re in a committed relationship that you chose to be in. Regardless if you felt pressured in any way, you made the ultimate decision to be in the relationship. You could have walked away, but you chose to stay. Some significant others take it for a while, because of the love they feel for the one they’re with. However, when they see nothing is changing and the one they love continues to mess up significant others begin to feel another way about their relationships.

It’s a sad thing when you lose the love you once had for someone. A person can cause you to disengage and not feel what you once felt. A person can be beat down to a point where the love fades. Then there’s no desire to be with the person you once loved so dearly. It’s unfortunate, but it happens day in and day out.

People should be committed, faithful, dedicated, and loyal to the one they’re with, but we know so many fall short when it comes to this. Yet, when significant others get tired of putting up with the bull, the one who’s keeping up the mess seems to want to fight tooth and nail to keep their significant other. I won’t say you shouldn’t fight tooth and nail, but what I will say is, you should have been doing it all along.

People must stop the madness! Stop getting into relationships and think you can act, do, or say anything you want. You are an individual, but most importantly you’re in a relationship and it’s not all about you anymore. You must take into consideration the feelings of your significant other at ALL TIMES. You can’t do what you want to do and think it will be alright. Stop taking the one you’re supposed to love for granted. When you do whatever you want taking your significant other for granted is EXACTLY what you’re doing.

Don’t wait until it’s too late for you. Treat your significant other with the love, care, and respect they deserve. It’s a lie, the grass ISN’T always greener on the other side. A lot of people cross over to see and find out it wasn’t all they thought it would be. Give your relationship the attention it deserves so that you won’t find yourself in this type of situation.

I’ve seen some people take so much from their significant others until it pains me to see it. Some people don’t seem to wake up because of insecurities they will stay and continue to be mistreated by the one who supposedly love them. Then on the other hand other people take all they feel they can take and they decide to move on. Get yourself together NOW, before it’s too late for you and your relationship. When the love is gone sometimes it’s gone forever.

KEEPING RELATIONSHIPS BLOOMING

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To those of you who are happy in love, I want to tell you something important on today. Never take your loved one for granted and always find ways to keep the fire burning in your relationships! These are two big things that are causing issues in many relationships.

Be aware of how you treat one another. No one person should have power or control over the other. If this happens it will affect the relationship as a whole. Both should be respected and treated as adults. Each should always compliment the other and support one another’s dreams, goals, etc.

NEVER intentionally reject one another. I know sometimes we as humans just don’t feel like it. However, remember you’re a team and it’s not all about what you want or don’t want. Never reject your significant other when it comes to any form of intimacy. He or she may simply need to talk, need a hug, or just be held. Like I said before; it’s not always about sex but when it is never reject UNLESS you’re REALLY sick or there’s something serious going on. To do so simply because you’re tired or don’t feel like it is NOT an OPTION (NEVER, EVER). If you start rejecting it puts a sore taste in the mouth of your significant other and your relationships don’t need any foolishness, because you’re trying to keep it blooming. Right?

Nothing should fall solely on one person. For instance if one works and the other doesn’t the one who doesn’t should close the gap by doing other things for the relationship etc. In saying that, it doesn’t mean, because one don’t work they should have to do all the rest. No! It takes two to make any relationship work. You must work at it together and communicate anything that hinders the growth of your relationships.

If either has a problem communicating this should be fixed prior to getting married. If not you will carry it into the marriage. You will face things you could have avoided had you communicated or should I say communicated properly.

Always take into consideration how you speak to your significant other. It’s not okay to be mean or rude. That’s plain disrespectful. Some people are like this, because of what they have bottled inside. It’s no excuse! You must get it right!

Be creative. Think of ways to keep the fire blazing in your relationships. Do things the other like (it’s important to know what they are). Surprise your loved one, don’t become so predictable, keep it interesting. There are plenty of things to do which don’t involve money, you simply have to be creative.

Remember, it’s VERY important to show someone you love them, not just say it. It’s great to hear, but we as humans we need to see the actions of your words. When you truly love/are in love with someone this shouldn’t be a problem for you.

I do realize some people don’t know how to show affection. To you I say learn! Learn your significant other, by doing so you will know what it takes to please him or her. Be attentive and caring to one another’s needs, wants, and desires.

If some of you have a hard time trying to figure out what to do, go to the big ole wide world of the web, there’s always ideas. Regardless of what you choose to do be geninue about it and your efforts will go a long way. Doing nothing is NOT an option!

Never go to bed angry. NEVER! You don’t know what will happen in the night. When you lay down at night it may be for the last time. This has been many people’s reality. I have a relative who died in his sleep, so trust me it’s reality. Don’t go to bed angry, don’t leave home angry. You should always be able to talk through anything. That is what two adults do who are in love with one another.

If you make your relationship priority it will mean a lot to the other person. You both must be on one accord. I realize many relationships aren’t, but this post is for those who want their relationships to work. it’s up to the both of you to make it happen. One person shouldn’t always be the one to initiate things. If so then it means the other is being taken for granted and just because they’re not saying anything, they are feeling it.

A few ideas off of the top of my head are: personal massages, making up cute and sexy sayings; making sure he or she get one on a daily basis, expressing and showing love daily, showers or bath time together, date nights, getaways, candlelight meals, breakfast in bed, surprise gifts (things, parties, etc), movie night (cuddle time). You get the point don’t you?

I realize there’s a lot of people who suffer from lack of desire for intercourse NOT necessarily intimacy. Everything isn’t about sex and if it is to the one you’re with, this is a problem. There are many ways to please one another that doesn’t involve penetration. Many individauls have health problems involving libido issues. This is common and is not a death sentence. Find ways to deal with it, but DO NOT allow it to cause problems in your relationships. For those of you with these types of problems, it isn’t all about you, so please get your head out of the sand. This affects you both; it affects your relationship. Face your situation and then make it work! You ever heard of the saying “there’s more than one way to skin a rabbit?” Well if you haven’t you just did! It simply means there are more ways than one to get a job done. NO! I’m not referencing sex, but it does apply.

The fire may need a little stirring. If the flames are down very low, it doesn’t matter all it takes is a little more spark and the fire is ignited. It’s up to you both. Get those sparks flying today! God bless!