Blind by Feelings can Lead to a Deadly Outcome

Yes, I am writing on this again. My daughter called me and told me someone who worked in her building was murdered by her boyfriend. The female went to the home they both had previously shared to retrieve her belongings and as soon as the guy answered the door, he shot her point blank in the face. This is so awful, sad, and could have been avoided.

I’ve always said and will continue to say is if you wait until things get bad in a relationship you may never get to leave. You may die in the relationship. Everyone has signs concerning our relationships, whether we adhere to them is another thing.

When initially starting a relationship people must first know who they are (self). You must first love yourself, know and understand the difference between your wants, desires, and needs. Most people don’t have a clue there are differences. When people don’t first love self, they are looking for something in somoene else that they don’t possess in self. They are led by emotions and feelings. They think because it looks good or feels good it is good for them. Wrong!! They are led solely by their flesh! They get into relationships with the wrong people for the wrong reasons.

People get into bad relationships thinking they can save or change the individaul. They think their sex is so great or whatever they’re offering is so great it will change the other person. No, it doesn’t work! You may give a person a reason to want to change, you may encourage them to change, but change ONLY occurs because the person needing to change decided it was time. If they change before they are ready they will ALWAYS revert back to who they really are, because the change was for you and not for them.

You can love a person with everything in you, it’s NOT enough if they’re an individual with a lot of issues. They need to work on self, therefore until they do they will ALWAYS have chaos following them where they go. You can’t fix, save, or change them. Those who get involved with these types of individuals oftentimes have their own issues as well. Let me put it this way. Those who stay definitely have their own issues. People who know who they are as individuals (self) will adhere to the signs and run for the hills!

I don’t care what you feel about a person, make sure you can see through the fog. People will ALWAYS in some form or fashion show you who they are and show you their tendencies early on. If you’re blind by your feelings and overwhelmed then you will most likely NOT see the signs staring you in the face! This is why people get into relationships for all the wrong reasons, with the wrong people, and in the wrong ways. They are being led by their thoughts and feelings about the person while missing all the signs the person is giving as to who they are.

People are cussed out, disrespected, physically assaulted, obssessed over, controlled early on, they are kept from other people, etc. etc. This isn’t love. Some individuals think it’s cute how a person goes crazy over them to the point of wanting to fight someone. They think it’s cute a person tells them what to wear, who they can and can’t be around, tell them what to do or demand them to do this or that. They think it’s cute how the person wants to spend all their time with them and not allow them around anyone else. They think the person playfully cursing them or smacking them is okay when they present it in a playful way. I can go on for days. These are signs of what’s to come. It is NOT LOVE! It’s a clear indication of what you can expect in the future.

The problem is many people stay; they try to work it out. Then they get to a point where they’ve stayed too long. The person is possessive, obsessive, controlling, and ALL THE ABOVE, now it’s a problem with leaving. People are afraid to leave because they know how the person will react. Some stay because they want security or they like what the person does for them, completely looking over the fact how they are treated. Many, many people have died in their unhealthy relationships when they shouldn’t have. They should have left long before the point of no return.

Stop being quick to tell a person where you live and other information you should keep to yourself until you really know who you’re dealing with. Stop being quick to have sex with people thinking it will make them want you; sex hasn’t EVER kept a relationship together. People will act according to what you tell them you want so they can give you exactly what you say you want TO GET YOU! The very thing you tell them you went through many will put you through, they will manipulate you into a relationship, because you allowed it before.

Both parties are to blame. They will be who they are, but you should always leave when you see potential for trouble. People show you who they are, but many think it’s a fluke, (a one time thing). NO it’s the real deal and many will see it! People show potential problems that individuals ignore! There are consequences of failing to adhere to the signs. People end up in miserably unhealthy and unhappy relationships or they end up dead!

Not every person with issues will allow nonsense in their lives. Some people despite their many issues still has sense enough to walk away. Thank God! However, there are a lot of people who won’t walk away. They stay and endure unnecessary drama from individauls they think they love.

People must wake up!!! Deal with your many issues before getting into relationships. Face your problems and work them out, because your problems and your significant other problems together can be a ticking time bomb! People with a lot of unresolved issues ends up with other people with unresolved issues. People are eager and some desperate for love, when they don’t really love self. People will treat you EXACTLY how you allow.

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Your Inside Issues Causes Chaos Outside

This post is intended for anyone who can relate regardless of status. People must learn not to worship others. All the time and energy put into loving, praising, and worshipping other folks, a person should put into learning to love self. One thing most fail to realize is the people they worship have their individual issues too! They aren’t perfect and they seek the same things everyone else seeks (whatever they consider as peace, love, and happiness). It’s crazy how individuals are worshipped because of who people think they are!! Just because individuals are followed, researched, worshipped it doesn’t mean you know them. As I’ve said before, sometimes people want so badly to be someone when that someone they want to be wants to be someone else.

Many people will do anything to become known. People chase the fame, then they can’t handle it once they get it. People will do anything for what they think is love, only to find themselves in unbearable relationships. None of it it won’t or don’t change what’s inside. What’s inside always comes out if it’s not dealt with; and despite who you are it will ruin lives and relationships.

This is why many people succumb to drugs, alcohol, and a host of other things as a way to cope. People already have issues inside, yet they are chasing fame or trying to maintain their fame, recognition, approval, or most of all love. A lot of people become known only to find out it does absolutely nothing to change their life long issues. It’s the same with people chasing after love, they get what they assume is love and realize it’s not love at all. All of the pressures add to the issues they’ve already been dealing with. The notoriety or relationships doesn’t take away the pain inside. It doesn’t fill the void inside. What’s inside spoils everything else if it’s not attended to and will always affect an individual’s life.

People allow themselves to be put up on pedal stools they shouldn’t of ever been on, when they see it’s hard to stay on those pedal stools they can’t deal with it. They can’t deal with maintaining their pedal stools, rejection, or ridicule from the world, so they turn to different ways to cope. This normally intensifies their current issues.

People who are chasing after love find that trying to maintain their relationships is much harder than they ever imagined. It too intensifies their current issues causing them more stress and more problems.

People think the change of scenery, new people, new places, new positions, new statuses, money, relationships, etc, etc, will help. No, it won’t! You can have everything brand new it will not work when you’re still the old you!!!!!

I encourage anyone who is dealing with lifelong issues to work on resolving them before they pursue love or anything else in life. No one can hide from self. If the old you hasn’t changed, no matter what happens in your life your issues will spill out and wreak havoc. You can’t love anyone effectively if you don’t love yourself. You can’t be happy in any situation if you’re not happy with yourself. Those issues will always manifest and show up in your life whether famous, successful, average Joe, rich, or whomever or whatever you may be!

Seeking Love in a Loveless Relationship

I don’t know how many ways to say it or write it. You’re being treated the way you allow yourself to be treated. Loving him or her isn’t enough when they don’t love you. Stop putting yourself in situations where you’re used and taken advantage of. Stop giving everything you have thinking it will make him or her feel about you the way you feel about them. It won’t!

Love is only a figment of your imagination when you’re not loved in return. Far too many people are in loveless relationships. It’s loveless when it’s one sided. You loving him or her means nothing if they don’t love you back. If you loved yourself you wouldn’t ever allow someone to treat you any way they want. If you loved yourself you wouldn’t be desperate to be loved by someone who doesn’t love you.

Look at yourself and deal with you! Stop trying to love someone and give them your heart when you don’t even love yourself. You and your heart will be trampled on. Love isn’t one sided, not at all. A person who truly loves you knows it’s a word with action, which does NOT mean using you and taking you for granted. People who treat you this way are all for self, it doesn’t involve loving you. They know what they want and they know it’s not you! Stop selling yourself short! A significant other will stay in a relationship knowing full well their minds and hearts are many moons away! A person will ONLY treat you how you allow them to treat you! If you have no standards or requirements, then you get none! It’s as simple as that!

In these types of relationships, there is always someone else in the equation. The people you’re involved with always have other agendas. Matter of fact, they are people who aren’t happy with self. They too don’t know how to give or receive love. Love starts with you; the individual. You must be able to love yourself before you can effectively and in a healthy manner love someone else! If you don’t you will take or do anything in the name of love; when it’s not love at all!

The problem with many folks is they are too busy seeking something most never really experienced before. Instead of focusing on self they put all emphasis on the person they chose, when technically that person hasn’t chosen them. Regardless of how good a person makes you feel, if they don’t feel the same as you, it’s not about you. Sadly many people try to force something with someone when it was ever meant to be. This is why many are in unhealthy and loveless relationships.

The person you love is definitely some of the problem, but your biggest problem is yourself. People get all wrapped in their feelings and emotions allowing them to take control. Anything you have given your power to has control over you, (feelings, emotions, people, things). People who never really loved you or wanted to be with you will always show it in some way or show how. Those who deny it are denying the truth! It’s why they are in loveless relationships. They believe it’s love, but it’s not! Many people hold themselves back from true love trying to hang on to somone who wasn’t ever intended for them.

If They Don’t Want You, They Don’t Want you

Nothing you do will work and you’re wasting your time! A lot of people are in relationships and they are unhappy, they are doing everything they can think of to hold on to the individual, yet it’s not working. Guess what? Unless the individual loves you and wants to be with you, nothing you do will matter.
The individual will take whatever you offer, but they still won’t want to be with you! People need to stop acting powerless and clueless. Face reality and accept things as they are. Life goes on! Stop walking around with your eyes open, but not seeing a thing because you’re blind by your feelings.

Most people are in bad, unhealthy, and unhappy relationships because they are trying to do everything they can to keep someone who doesn’t want to be with kept by them.

Sometimes people think if they sex them enough it will keep them.
No, it won’t! Sometimes people think if they buy them a lot of things it will keep them. No it wont! Sometimes people think if they forsake their family and friends it will keep them. No it won’t! Sometimes people think if they have a child it will keep them. No it won’t! Sometimes a person thinks if they dumb down it will keep them. No it won’t! Sometimes a person thinks if they do things against their morals and beliefs to please him or her it will keep them. No it won’t! Sometimes people think if they are at their beckoning call it will keep them. No it won’t! Nothing you do will matter when you do not matter!

If you feel a need to buy a person’s love, then you’re in the wrong relationship! If you feel you need to forsake yourself and lose you to be with someone, you’re definitely with the wrong one. You can give the world, it will never be enough, if the person doesn’t want you.

Know your worth and value. If you de-value yourself you will be treated how you treat yourself. Who you consider your significant other may not consider you there’s. You’re treated exactly how you’ve allowed.

Memories and Thoughts and the Power you Give Them

There are millions of hurt people in this world who unfortunately hurt other people. Many people live their lives based on what others have said or done to them. They find it difficult to move forward because they are pulled backwards by their minds; which by the way have imprisoned them. No one can save you, no one can fix you, and no one can change you. The only one who can do it is you! You may have people around to influence, motivate, encourage, or inspire you to want to change, but if the willingness to change doesn’t come from you, the change will only be temporary. People who change to please others will always revert back to who they really are.

There are many people who feel they must be validated by others and because of it they are at the mercy of others. They allow other people to dictate how they feel about self. Those you give your power to know they have it and they will abuse it. People prey on who they think are weak, because the prowler him or herself are weak! They see and feel it in their prey!

Most people are accustomed to how they’ve been all their lives. It feels familiar and comfortable. Instead of trying to change they continue to live how they’ve always lived. No matter how miserable and hurt they feel they continue living their lives the same way. Many people blame others for who they are. I admit other people contribute to our lives in many ways both positive and negative. However, when you point at someone to blame them, you have three fingers pointing back at self. I think it’s a way for us to take ownership of who or what we’ve become.

Despite what a person goes through, despite how traumatic; who a person becomes as adults falls on the individual. People can choose to remain the same or they can choose better than what they came from. When people choose to remain the same they’ve seem to opt out of changing. Sometimes the people who have wronged them are dead and gone; yet people are still holding on to their experiences with the person/people through their memories. Memories are real, how strong they reign inside of a person is up to the individual.

Believe it or not none of our pasts exist today. None of them! We are all living in the present. If people do not deal with the issues of their pasts they are affected for a life time. It affects every facet of a person’s life. Not once have I said the past didn’t exist, of course it existed, but it’s not what we live in today. It is behind us and only the memories of it remains. Unfortunately for many people those memories are very real and strong. People are trapped by their own minds, because they’ve given power to the memories of their pasts. They carry these residual affects throughout their lives. It shapes them into what they’ve become. It’s a cycle most past down through generations until someone breaks the chain.

Many people walk around smiling, yet they are broken and hurting inside. Pretending will never give a person the understanding or will to deal with what’s causing them pain and suffering. People must learn to face it in order to move on. Those who do can go on to lead productive lives. However, those who don’t will live their lives as a revolving door. They will go in and out the same type relationships with the same types of people and wonder why. They will make the same bad decisions and choices and wonder why. They will allow people to take advantage or misuse them and wonder why it’s happening. They will continue to be unhappy which oftentimes lead to other things such as depression and even worse things like suicidal or homicidal thoughts, etc. Not all people will go through those thoughts, feelings, or emotions, but some will, because they don’t understand most times our biggest enemy is self. The power of the mind is beyond belief, but our thoughts and memories are only as powerful as we make them.

Things will happen to us, but how we deal with those things depends on how we receive them, perceive them, and the power we give to those things. We are our own greatest enemy, because we give so much power to negative memories of our pasts which has led to negative ways of thinking, period! The past doesn’t cause people any further pain, people do it to themselves by not dealing with the issues of their pasts. Instead they focus on the memories as if they are present today. It’s like a wound, if you constantly dig in a wound it won’t heal properly and because of the constant manipulation of it, the person could cause other issues. This is how many live their lives. They keep going back to the memories of their pasts. They are trapped by their own minds.

Today is a brand new day given to each of us. We can choose to become better or we can choose to stay the same. None of us will forget what we’ve gone through, but none of us have to be prisoners to our own minds, causing the inability to move forward. We don’t have to give our power to anything or anyone!

Live your life for you first! If you’re not healthy and whole you’re really not any good for anyone else. Sadly many go through life with all of their issues while trying to love others when they first don’t love self. This is proven every single day by people who constantly are in and out of unhealthy relationships or people having children and messing them up from the gate. Those are only two examples out of many.

Learning to become better has to be something a person wants. It starts with the individual. You’re not what or who someone else says you are unless you believe it yourself. No one should ever accept negativity from anyone else. You have the power to be whatever you choose to be. Never settle and think you should be a certain way because of what someone else said or did. They don’t get to choose, you do!

Facing Your Biggest Problem, You

It’s not him or her, it’s you! Stop trying to hold on to people who have let you go. Stop trying to hold on to a person who doesn’t feel you’re worth fighting for. It means you’re not as important to him or her as they are to you. The person you’re with must think you’re just as important, if not they aren’t as into you as you are to them. Too many live their lives struggling to hold on to people who are NOT holding on to them. It causes unnecessary chaos and drama in the lives of many.

People give their significant others too much power over their lives. They can’t function when the one’s they love walk away or simply don’t really want them. If a person wants to walk let them. Stop taking up space in your mind over someone who don’t even think of you! Some people literally can’t function because someone walked away from the relationship. I’m sorry I think it’s nonsense! It’s only my opinion. I know we’re all different. It doesn’t make sense to me to lose your mind over someone who doesn’t care how you feel.

Many people go through hell and high water to be with individuals who don’t want to be with them. When a lot of people stay it’s not that they want you, they like what you do for them and it’s the only reason they stick around. They treat the individuals they are with like crap, because they are allowed to. You have to deal with the monsters you created. Why? It’s because we teach people how to treat us. Whatever you allow it will happen! When you nip things in the bud people know where you stand!! When you allow things to continue to go on; you let people know where you stand!! The control is always yours, unless you give it away.

There are a lot of people who want to give up because the one’s they love don’t love them back. Seriously? If a person doesn’t want to be with you let them go. Trying to keep them where they don’t want to be will only prove to be a dead end and unhealthy situation. If a person is trying to hold on to someone when the person doesn’t want to be there, you must look at self and figure out what’s going on with you, NOT the other person. They’ve shown you who they are and what they want, now it’s up to you to deal with your feelings and emotions and stop allowing them to lead you in the wrong direction.

None of us can change another person, we can only change ourselves. We have to look at self and determine what we have to fix about self. Stop blaming the other person, because the other person is doing what they want to do. Life will go on even if you choose to remain stuck in place. No one is worth it. No one is worth the heartache or headache. If they want to walk, open the door for them! Same door they walked out of someone else will walk in. The difference should be you’re stronger and have more wisdom, knowledge, and understanding so not to make the same bad decisions again.

Most people look at relationships they’re in one way; and that’s according to how they feel about the other person. Hold up! Remember, you’re never the only person in a relationship, it always takes two! People get caught up in how they feel and fail to fully understand how the other person feels. A person shows you the truth no matter how subtle. People fail to see it, because they are blind by their thoughts, feelings, and emotions of the person they think they love or want to be with.

Stop doing things you feel uncomfortable with, stop trying to be someone you’re not, stop accepting any ole thing, stop allowing yourself to be mistreated, stop blaming the other person and take responsibility and ownership for you and your life, stop worrying about what the other person is doing and take care of you, and please stop giving your power to someone else.

I promise you, if you love yourself it will be enough!
You may feel lonely sometimes, but it’s better than being with someone and still lonely. Being alone is better than being with someone and in love by yourself. Being alone is better than being with someone yet separate, because they are doing their own thing. Being alone is better than being with someone who is only with you because of what you provide. Being alone can be a greater teacher if allowed. Learn to love you and you will see that no one will love you like you and if you love you, you know everything will be alright!

Individuals must learn how to see past their feelings, if they don’t they will continue to get into the wrong types of relationships, with the wrong people, for all of the wrong reasons. Happiness doesn’t start or end with anyone, but yourself; others may be a part of your happiness, but you definitely shouldn’t depend on anyone to bring happiness in your life. You first have to find it within yourself!

Start Looking at Yourself

Many people in this world completely give their power to the one’s they are in relationships with. Unless a person has matured and become wiser they will put their feelings for who they are with above what’s good for self.

Have you ever seen a show called “Hustle and Soul” it’s about the Brooklyn Pink Tea Cup restaurant. Fake or real this is a perfect example of how a person completely gives away their power. It was so ridiculous to me I couldn’t watch it. Sadly there are many in this world in these types of relationships. You are treated exactly how you allow!

No matter how much a person says they love you, their actions will speak volumes. Sometimes people fake it to get what they want out of you. When in relationships with people who really don’t want you they will oftentimes be in a relationship with someone else (married or causal relationship). They will tell you they love or care about you while telling the other person the same thing. You end up acting foolish over someone who isn’t worth your time. Yet, people stay in these unhealthy relationships. Those who do, it clearly shows they have things they definitely need to change about self.

If a person is constantly taking from you, something is up. If a person is always MIA (missing in action), something is up. If a person can’t spend time with you, because they always have to do something; something is up. When a person is always on their phone even when you’re around, something is up. When a person never does anything for you; something is up. If a person never invites you over to their place, but they are always at yours; something is up. If a person never invites you to meet friends or family; something is up. If a person enjoys you while you’re on the inside, but never wants to be seen with you on the outside; something is up. If a person is available in the daytime, but at night they can’t communicate; something is up. If a person sit back and wait for you to come to their beckoning call; something is up and it’s a set up. They are showing you exactly how they will treat you. If a person has someone else and is trying to get with you too; you should love yourself enough not to get into this type of relationship. This person is showing you what they are about. This is going to bring nothing other than drama into your life. I can go on and on and on, because there are many signs people fail to acknowledge.

In some relationships people are very blind by their feelings to the point of being abused by the ones’ they love because they accept any and everything from those individuals. Many people don’t nip things in the bud; and before they know it they are in deep. They are afraid to leave for many reasons; the most poplar are (fearful of physical abuse or fearful of losing whatever security they think they have). First of all you should never allow abuse in any form and you shouldn’t ever stay, period! It is not cute, love, or a game! Second, you should obtain your own security so you never fear losing someone else’s. There’s nothing a person can offer that is worth your peace of mind.

You will do either bad or good by yourself. It all depends on how you feel about yourself as to what you will and won’t accept in your life. You definitely don’t need anyone adding to problems you may already have. If a person can’t bring to the table, then it means they are taking away. Therefore, you will have their issues to deal with along with your own. No one can complete you, they either add to or take away. A person who loves his or herself will never allow anyone to bring distress into their lives. You have to stand and be complete on your own to have something happy and healthy with someone else.

When you give up your power you make it much easier for the other person to take advantage of you. Some people give too much too quickly. They think it will keep the other person around, instead most times it drives them away. Some will stick around to get whatever they can out of you, in the meantime they still don’t want to be with you. If you’re lost in your feelings you won’t be able to see it.

Most people want to hang on to someone who isn’t remotely worth hanging on to. For you it’s all about them and for them it’s all about them! Sad, but true! Still many people don’t get it or won’t get it! When you’re dealing with a lot of issues it interferes with the ability to think rationally or logically. People are blind by their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. People are seeking things they know nothing about. You can’t expect to find happiness or love in someone else when you’re unhappy with yourself and when you don’t love yourself. Normally it will not work!