Love has Nothing to do With it

Love has nothing to do with it, because the people I am writing about knows nothing about love. They are only faithful, dedicated, and committed to self in their own warped ways. Meaning they get what they want, when they want it, and by any means necessary.

Many people are married or in long term relationships, but they aren’t faithful. They are some of the saddest people alive. I believe some of the biggest reasons people are in unhealthy and unhappy relationships they don’t take the time to get to know who they are with; because they fall too quickly, they feel pressured or obligated to become married, they do it because their friends or family have done it, and the biggest reason of all is they get into relationships for all of the wrong; with the wrong people for reasons beyond those I’ve just listed. Most can’t find the right one, because they are too busy trying to make it with the wrong one.

Love has nothing to do with why a person cheats. People cheat because of who they really are. What’s inside is sure to come out. They have pent up issues which makes them into who they are. These types of people take all types of risks to get what they want. They cheat multiple times and claim to be sorry, but they aren’t, they’re only sorry they get caught.

Many people are confused; but instead of dealing with their issues, they make bad choices and decisions. They continue to do the same things; getting the same results. They involve other people into their messed up lives causing havoc, heartache, and pain. This is why people should be very careful who they allow into their lives. Believe me when I write cause a person makes you feel good doesn’t mean they are good for you.

It’s hard for people to see through their issues. They allow their issues to consume them causing them to live dysfunctional lives. They don’t really care about anything other than self gratification. Oftentimes they cause pain to their significant others without remorse. They are full of hurt and pain so they inflict it into the lives of their significant others. They are oftentimes clueless as to why they continue to be unfaithful. I don’t care what a person says about their significant other, it’s not their significant other’s fault they cheated, they cheated because it’s a bad decision they made to cheat.

People shouldn’t ever get into serious relationships or marriages knowing they aren’t ready to be faithful. However, sad as it is, people do it every day. They get into relationships and then expect for their significant others to want to stay with them and deal with their mess. People need to think about the consequences of their actions and the risks they take of their own freewill.

A person may not know who they are with, but the person they are with know what’s going on with self. They know they have issues and they know they aren’t ready to be faithful. In their states of mind, they really aren’t capable of being faithful, because they only do what they want despite the pain it causes. They don’t know what they need, because they’re too focused on getting what they need. Love has nothing to do with it!

No one can see the truth until they are able to see past their feelings and emotions. With feelings and emotions cones hurt and pain. A person who is able to see beyond their feelings and emotions will be very careful NOT to become involved with those who can’t. It’s easy to see the truth when you can SEE the truth! Think about that for a moment!!!

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Another Senseless Killing

Many of us have heard about the recent killing of a teacher by her husband of one month. He killed her and then killed himself. This man didn’t wake up deciding to kill her, he had thought about it for a while. I’ve written many posts about people ignoring the signs. It’s no joke, it’s real. People are losing their lives, because they are too caught up in their emotions and feelings to see the signs.

I heard the relatives of the deceased teacher say as soon as the couple were married they saw the true him. The relative stated the guy changed. I don’t believe it for one second. He made not have shown his true colors to her family, but I bet he showed them to her. I’m sorry, I just do not believe there aren’t signs of the truth. I believe there are always signs no matter how subtle. The man who went into the classroom to kill his wife had a violent past which included domestic violence (sign). If she knew, why would she get into a relationship with him? If she didn’t know, I’m sure signs showed his tendencies for violence; yet she still chose him.

As I’ve always said, a person can only fake for so long, the truth will always surface. Many abusers have a way of manipulating and coercing. They know how to deceive and make their victims believe they are sorry for what they did (UNTIL THE NEXT INCIDENT). Women have to stop ignoring the signs. An abuser knows what to say and what to do. They are fighting their own demons. They want to control and dominate their victims.

I talked with many people after getting out of bad relationships who all said when they look back they could see the signs, but at the time of going through they FAILED to see them. Too many people lose their lives, because they do not adhere to the signs.

I’ve said it before and will  continue to say it; if a person is afraid to leave a relationship they have stayed too long. If a person feels trapped, they have stayed too long. The ONLY way to avoid unhealthy relationships is by NOT getting into them in the first place. People must learn to see past their emotions. It doesn’t matter how good it feels a person must see past their feelings. If it’s not right, what made you laugh will surely eventually make you cry.

Women and men who allow their feelings to lead them in and out of bad relationships need to look inward. They are seeking something in others they don’t have in self; which is love. When a person really love his or herself  they WILL NOT allow their feelings to blind them. They will walk away from drama and unnecessary mess. They will not give their power to anyone else and they will adhere to the signs. They won’t have any problems with being alone until the right one comes along. They are NOT depending on anyone else to live or for love and happiness. If you’re not happy alone, you won’t be happy with someone else, because your issues compiled with their issues is a time bomb waiting to blow.

Some individuals have their on issues and because of their issues of insecurities, lack of esteem and confidence, not loving themselves amongst other things; they allow people into their lives who they THINK love them. They bring bad unhealthy people around their families putting them smack in harm’s way. They fall for any form of love to get some form of love. Unfortunately this has caused many women and men to lose their lives.

It’s great to be loved, but first you must know what love is and what it isn’t. It’s NEVER abusive, ever! The problem with some people is they become lost in their feelings. They dismiss the treatment they are receiving and the many signs present. They feel good sporadically but they don’t understand they’re in an unhealthy relationship. They allow those good feelings to make them oblivious to the truth! They believe they can change the person, they believe it won’t happen again, they dismiss family and friends telling them what they see, etc. etc. This all happens, because these individuals are blind to the truth and they want what they want; even when it’s no good for them.

Be careful and guard your hearts. Don’t allow people into your lives who will hurt you. Open your eyes to the truth. It’s great to be in love, it’s great to be loved, but make sure you know what love is and definitely what it isn’t. Make sure you aren’t seeking something in someone because of something you’re lacking or never had. If you are you may find yourself in bad relationships and oftentimes it’s a repeating cycle. These types of people have often been in similar relationships with similar type people. If a person plays roulette long enough in any aspect of their life, eventually the unfortunate happens. Many people don’t understand the things they harbor inside can lead them into making the worse decisions and choices ever! In many cases it has caused individual’s their lives. Open your eyes and see the truth for what it is, even if it means getting the heck out of a relationship before it gets any deeper.

 

 

 

 

The Other Woman/Mistress

After a conversation I had this weekend, I felt a need to talk about the above topic. There are many women who put themselves in positions to be categorized as the “other woman or the mistress.” It’s NOTHING to be proud of by no means. Some women have the audacity to call the wife or girl friend and tell her they’re sleeping with their husband or boyfriend. Many tell the wife or girlfriend explicit things about the relationships they’re having with the wives or girlfriends of significant others. This isn’t okay , it’s wrong, immature, and stupid.

My advice to any “other woman or mistress” is to get a life of their own and stop trying to ruin other women’s relationships. What this type of woman is doing proves she is a woman who don’t have a clue about what she needs and knows nothing about love. If she knew what she needed she certainly wouldn’t be with some other woman’s man.  If she knew anything about love, she would not seek it with a man who is already in a relationship; this type of situation has nothing to do with love.

If a man whose in a relationship approaches a woman she has the choice to tell him to beat it! Playing with fire can cause you to be burned (both of them)! Any woman who thinks it’s okay to mess around with someone else’s man is a woman who lacks integrity, values, morals, and a host of other things. Some of these women act heart broken when the men don’t leave their women or they harass the wives or girlfriends. It’s ridiculous.

Any woman who brags and boast about sleeping with someone else’s man is foolish. She is a woman who have no respect for herself and too immature to understand what she’s doing will come right back on her. This type of woman is very ignorant to think she has it going on because she’s with someone else’s man. First of all she obviously can’t get her own and secondly she’s very foolish to want someone else’s man. If he’s cheating with her on his wife or girlfriend, he’s showing upfront he’s no good. He’s showing upfront he isn’t trustworthy. He’s showing upfront he lacks morals and values. He showing upfront his commitment and dedication to a relationship are seriously flawed. He’s showing he’s immature.

If a woman thinks she’s doing something good by being with someone else’s man, the last laugh will be from the wife or girlfriend, because he will do to her the same thing he’s done to his wife or girlfriend. Sadly she’s too caught up in her emotions to see the truth.

Women must stop allowing themselves to get involved with men who are already involved with other women. STOP accepting ANY type of excuse from these no good men. If he says he’s going through a divorce then let him get through it. If he says they’re separated, then let him get a divorce. If he says he’s staying with her for the children, then he’s not for you, because he’s in a relationship already. If he says they only live together, but they aren’t together, LIES, LIES, LIES! Stop falling for it. Stop falling for it no matter what the excuse he gives to you. He’s with someone should be enough to send him on his way. I realize sometimes women are lied to by these men, but I believe if she is paying attention he will reveal in some way or another the truth. The signs will be present!

The man isn’t putting the other woman or mistress in a predicament or situation; she’s putting herself in one by going along for the ride. The particular woman that made me want to write this post bragged to the wife about she was paying the bills in her house (the wife’s house). How DUMB can you be???? If a woman is with a married man and she’s paying his bills, she is very stupid! Bad enough she’s in a relationship with him, but even worse; she’s paying his bills. On top of it she’s bragging to the wife about it. Very silly indeed! This is a woman who is led by her emotions into foolishness. She’s thinking with her heart and not her brain. The same way she’s bragging to the wife;  he’s bragging to his friends how he got him a sucker. Believe that!!

Although this post is about women it also relates to men as well. Some men do the exact same thing. They fall for women who are already with someone. It doesn’t matter who does it, it’s wrong! If a person can’t be faithful then they shouldn’t be in a relationship at all. Sometimes to cheat on someone cost people their lives. People aren’t playing games anymore they will take you out when you mess with their emotions. Don’t take any chances with ruining what you have.

I pray for anyone with a cheating spirit to get their lives together and change their ways before they destroy their lives. If you know you can’t be faithful it’s best to walk away before you find yourself in a situation you can’t handle. Marriage is supposed to be sacred. If you’re in a relationship but not committed you are wrong. If you don’t want to be there then it’s not where you should be. Karma is for real and it will bite you when you least expect it. Some of these women you cheat on aren’t playing and neither are some of the women you cheat with. You don’t know what doors you’re opening when you start messing with people’s emotions. Infidelity can get a person in a situation they regret. This goes for a cheating man or a cheating woman.

 

Relationships Normally End How They Begin

I’ve written on this subject before, however I thought I would refresh some memories. Most relationships end according to how they begin. Many people get into relationship by cheating with someone who is already in a relationship. Oftentimes these are married people cheating on their mates.

It doesn’t matter if your the cheater or the one the cheater is cheating with, you’re both immature and wrong. A lot of times the cheater and the one he or she cheated with end up married. To no surprise they end up divorced later down the road, because of the same reasons they got together. Someone else came along (just as they did) and cheated with their spouse (or girlfriend/boyfriend). What do people think? They think they can wreck homes and all kinds of mess and then live in marital bliss? No it doesn’t work like that and Karma will bite them dead in the butt. You can do wrong and get by, but you won’t get away! It’s coming right back to you. Crazy to me how some people are so devastated when they’re on the receiving, but when they were cheating with the married individual they didn’t care the individual was married. It all seems to matter when they’re being cheated on.

The moral to this post is if you meet someone and you find yourself attracted to someone else’s man or woman, GET AWAY from them. If they are in a relationship of ANY kind, please don’t make an immature decision to pursue this relationship. If you do I promise you will suffer the consequences of your actions. What you do to others will come back to you! Think about what you’re doing. We all have the control as to who we fall in love with or who we choose to be with. When people choose other people’s significant others they’ve crossed the line. Nothing good will come to them! It may seem to work out, but it doesn’t last and you will find yourself in the same position you put someone else in (cheated on).

People who cheat and those who get into relationships with them are people who have no morals or values, they lack integrity, they are immature, they lack honesty, and they don’t know have a clue about commitment. What they give they will  eventually get! That’s how life works. If you start out wrong, it will end wrong. This doesn’t only pertain to cheating, it pertains to anything. If people get into relationships for all of the wrong reasons, whatever reason they got into the relationship will most likely be the very reason they want to leave it.

People are blind by their thoughts and feelings. They are led blindly and foolishly into relationships which are clearly not good for them. They always end up suffering the consequences of their actions. Sadly this means death for many (literally) whether physically, mentally, or emotionally). It is ALWAYS a personal choice to cheat, to be with a married individual, or to stay with a cheater. It’s always a personal choice as to the individual we become involved with. People see signs, but they ignore them. People are led by their emotions and because of it will ALWAYS suffer the consequences of their actions.

 

Selfish or Selfless

How can you build a strong foundation if you don’t know what a strong foundation means, looks like, or what it takes to build one? I believe this is one of the biggest problems when it comes to relationships. People are eager to get into one, but have no clue what a healthy relationship involves.

In my opinion most relationships are disconnected from the start which makes it ALMOST impossible to build a strong relationship. As I’ve said many times before; people are getting into relationships for the wrong reasons and in all of the wrong ways.

People have to learn to see what they’re getting into, before they actually call it a relationship. You can’t do this if you don’t know or understand what is good for you. This means you must first know yourself. This world is full of people who are getting into relationships and trying to figure out others when they don’t even know who they are as individuals.

You can’t truly connect with someone else when you have no real connection with who you are as an individual. There are endless amounts of relationships built on the I factor. It’s all about one individual’s wants and desires. These individuals are either the one’s who are selfish or selfless. Selfish individuals seek self gratification at all cost. Although they’re in relationships it’s still about them (what I want, what I desire). They are in relationships but in their minds they’re still single and they act like single people. They are totally disconnected when it comes to their significant others. They feel they should be able to do what they want whenever they want. They don’t think of the consequences of their actions until it’s too late. At some point in these individual’s lives they learned to be this way.

In relationships selfless people care more about the other person’s well being than their own. These types of individuals have the obvious in their faces yet they are so blind by their emotions they only see what they want. Oftentimes their significant others may treat them badly, yet they only see what they want to see. They cater to the one’s they’re with and most times get nothing in return. These are the people who give and give trying to please the one they’re with. These people do and take things to please the one they’re with. It’s sad! These individuals have gone through things in their lives to cause them to be this way. There is always a disconnect in their relationships.

Until people learn who they are as individuals, in their relationships they will always be  either selfish or selfless. To know yourself is to first love and accept yourself. You must get to a point in life where you will not give people your power or base your happiness on them. It’s no surprise; people treat you exactly how you’ve taught them to treat you. They give you what you accept and allow. When a person loves his or herself they will never base their happiness, joy, or peace on another individual. They will know love is much more deeper than looks, sex, and status.

Millions of couples are very disconnected. Although they’re considered as couples reality is they couldn’t be farther apart. They don’t even know why they remain together. They are together but separated, each doing their own things. Married couples are together, but living separate in their homes. They don’t communicate in no sense of the word. They are unhappy, miserable, and lonely. This is a very sad reality for many. I don’t believe people grow apart. I believe they were NEVER connected and on one accord when it comes to love and a solid foundation. They started out wrong and never got on the path of one accord, instead they grew further and further apart (disconnected).

To build healthy relationships you must be in tune with you. If you’re not it means everywhere you go and everything you do your baggage will spill. It will corrupt all aspects of your life and ultimately the relationships you are involved with. Basically what I’m saying is it starts with you! No matter what, you must deal with you (the man/woman in the mirror)! If you don’t deal with the core of who you are it defiles everything else.

My prayer is that people learn to deal with their issues FIRST before getting into relationships. Learn to love you and embrace yourselves. The reason many relationships are messed up is people are seeking love without knowing what it is or what it isn’t. Stop waiting to be validated by other people, because most agendas are different than your own. Stand up, be strong, and most of all learn to love you!

 

 

 

No Foundation Leads to Destruction

Something I’ve learned in life is that most relationships will end according to how they started out. If it didn’t start right, no matter the situation, it’s likely to end by the same reasons it started. Too many people are trying to build or hold on to relationships that don’t have or never had foundations. A house without a foundation can’t stand and that’s the truth. This is why so many people are fussing, fighting, miserably unhappy, and are in loveless relationships, because they don’t have solid foundations. It’s like having a car with no motor it can never go anywhere; it’s dead.

The biggest problem in most relationships is the fact that people get together and or marry for the wrong reasons. People don’t know what it takes to make relationships work. They are led by either their loins or their hearts in which neither will keep a relationship together, because too many emotions are at the center and not enough brains in the equation.

I will give you a few examples:

1. A person gets with someone because of their looks or because of the sex. Then later can’t stand to look at them because their looks have changed and they certainly don’t want sex with them. They realize the love was never there.
2.   A man marries a woman because she is pregnant. He later realizes he never loved this person only felt obligated, because he thought it was the right thing to do.  You try to work it out for the child’s sake, but when there’s no love, it’s a sad and miserable relationship to be in. People think staying together for the children is best, but what they fail to understand is all of the chaos the children sees during this taints them. It teaches them distorted views concerning love and they will take those views into adulthood with them and the cycle starts all over again. Many stay together for the children and when the children leave home they are left together looking at the walls realizing they have absolutely nothing in common and they don’t love each another.
3. You get with someone because of what they have. You realize later down the road what they have is just stuff and it doesn’t even matter. However, you also realize what you never had was a real connection; there was never love in the relationship.
4. Some love being involved with another woman’s man or another man’s woman. Many end up in these types of escapades only to find out while he or she were cheating with another man’s or woman’s significant other, the person they are cheating with has someone else outside of them and his wife or her husband. Sad case!  People in these types of relationships find out the person they’re messing with aren’t as available anymore.  They find out the person they’re messing with can’t offer them anything other than sex.  They also find out the husbands and wives are forces to reckon with. All of this foolishness could have been avoided from the start by not getting into relationships with people who are already in relationships with other individuals. What kind of relationship do you think you can build with someone who’s already obligated and involved with someone else? It is ridiculous and it says a lot about both parties.

I can go on for days and I’m sure you can think of many more examples as well. Many are in loveless relationships because they were doomed from the start. People don’t have a clue as to what it takes to make a relationship work or how to build a healthy one. First of all too many get into relationships while being in love is left out all together. Another big mistake is people aren’t discussing the important things they should know about one another prior to getting deeper into relationships or marriage.

Believe me; knowing someone’s background is important. It’s important to know if they have children, if they want children, their relationship with their children and the other parent. You need to know if you’re signing up for complete drama. Some of the people who have children with your significant others are hard to deal with and they are hell bent on causing you havoc.

Knowing if they have criminal records, bad credit, faith/beliefs (do they believe or not etc.), their goals and ambition, their sexual preferences (into stuff you’re not, gay, problems being able to function, do they have the desire, like to swing, problems with being faithful, etc), their ability to communicate, how they feel about receiving and giving affection (some people simply aren’t affectionate, because they weren’t nurtured as children; you need to know if you can live with it or not), know the baggage you’re signing up for. You need to know their financial statuses (will you have to carry the load, will you inherit debt, are or they high maintenance etc). You need to know their relationships with others (parents, etc or they momma boys or daddy girls). Another important issue is do they have any additions you can’t deal with (sex, alcohol, drugs, food, fetishes, etc). What type of health are they in and if it’s not good will you be able to deal with it long term.  You should know if they’re truly ready to commit or are you in it alone. Do they like to party and you don’t, is it all about their friends or are their friends first.  It’s important to learn their likes, dislikes, and habits.  etc. and the list goes on and on. You learn all of this by communicating. Communication is key and without it a good foundation is impossible. This is what of the major factors in developing a good solid foundation, unfortunately many miss the mark.

Some of you may take it lightly or think it’s not important, believe me it is very important and you will find out the longer you stay in a relationship just how important. You will also find out if it’s not done, it’s reasons people break up. Many didn’t love each other from the beginning, they didn’t know many things they should have known, and they didn’t know how to communicate. People either don’t ask or they are too caught up to address it from the start.  They communicated through sex and other ways versus observation and verbal communication.

The bottom line of what I’m trying to get across to you is you must know how to communicate with your significant other. There is nothing you shouldn’t be able to talk about. All of the above and many other things are very important to know before you jump off into the deep end. If not you are bound to drown.

I know from personal experience you have to focus on the overall picture and not what you see with your heart. That may not make sense right away, but just think about it. I’ve written many posts about emotions. People of this world are caught up in their feelings and they want what they want while totally disregarding the truth. People miss everything, because they are driven by what they’re feeling and not what is actually taking place UNTIL it’s too late.

Going Back Isn’t Necessarily the Best Decision

I’m sure many of you have found this to be true. It works for some people but not for most. Too many go back into relationships they fought their way out of only to find things haven’t changed. They find themselves right back in states of misery.

Many people go back into relationships because they feel too insecure to be alone. They think they’re going back because they love the person, but in reality it’s due to insecurities. There are many people who would rather stay in unhealthy and loveless relationships then to be alone. This is sad!

Unfortunately sometimes when people go back things become far more intensified than before. Sadly many have even lost their lives after going back. They had all of the signs prior to leaving yet they go back. Then you have those who didn’t lose their lives, but they’ve become emotionally dead from all of the pain and misery they’re enduring. They find themselves feeling unhappy and even worse off than before. They realize what they left is the same things they’ve gone back to.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t try to make their relationships work. However, what I am saying is this; people need to do whatever they need to do while they’re together. They should do all they can without any regrets; therefore when they walk away they know they’ve done all they could do. We can’t change no one but the man in the mirror, but we certainly can lose ourselves in trying. For those who decide to go back, I’m sure many are regretful. If it didn’t work the first time, more than likely it won’t the next time around. Like I said earlier, sometimes it works, but most times it don’t.

I believe people should stop basing their happiness on other people when they’re not happy with their own lives. If  you’re broken inside no matter how you try to hide it, what’s going on inside will show in some form or another. How a person feels about his or herself shows in the choices of people they choose to be with. If you don’t believe me sit back and think about the situation you’re in or the situations of people you know. How you allow people to treat you says something about how you feel about yourself. The chaos you allow in your life says something about how you feel about yourself.

A person can not truly embrace happiness when it comes along when in fact they’re not happy with self. They aren’t capable of understanding what true happiness is, because they’ve become accustomed to a life of misery. This is why we see people getting into relationships with the same types of people they recently got out of relationships with. It’s also why so many accept and will do anything in the name of what they think is love.