Relationships Built on Unstable Foundations

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Some people are straight delusional. They know they are in rocky relationships yet some choose to go on to marry. It’s an immature move! Some of these people get on social media and tell all of their business. They start off talking about their relationships in positive ways, then a short time later they are talking about their relationships very negatively. I don’t know what people expect. If you start a relationship off in the wrong way, wrong it what it will be! People aren’t getting it because they simply don’t understand.

Individuals get mad when others have opinions of their relationships when they are the ones who put it on social media for the world to see. Even if you don’t necessarily want a comment if you put your business out there people will have something to say. Sometimes people know what the end will be before the individual because they saw the drama the individual chose to ignore.

Many people are getting into relationships trying to find love when they don’t love self. No other person can make you happy when you’re miserable inside. There are many people easily sucked into relationships with the wrong individuals because they can’t see past their feelings and what they want and desire. Oftentimes the individuals they want to be with have just as many issues, which leads to more chaos. They can’t see it because they are blind to the truth.

People will always overlook the truth to satisfy their desires, because to them their feelings and what they want matter more. It’s due to their wrong ways of thinking. They will always seek what they lack in others. No matter how bad it is many of them will fight to stay in their unhealthy relationships. All this does is add to their issues and pain. Yet, these types of people can’t see it until something is so bad they are forced to open their eyes to the truth. Usually it’s way past bad by then.

Sharing love with someone is great, but never if it’s unhealthy. There are many people who are in love with the idea of being in love. Problem is these individuals don’t know or understand what love is. They seek it in others when they actually don’t love self, therefore it’s difficult for them to process the truth even when it’s staring them in the face.

When a person is in tune with self they’ve learned to love self. They become aware of how they think, feel, and act. They become aware of the company they keep and who and what they allow in their lives. This is when a person can see past their feelings to the truth. The signs they see will be accepted as signs and they will adhere to those signs. When a person learns to love self it changes how they see self, people, and the world. It teaches them how to move past anyone who means them no good. They see past looks, titles, statuses, money, and material things, etc, because they know none of it teaches a person to love self and they realize none of it builds a healthy relationship or keep one together.

No one can build a healthy relationship with someone else when they haven’t dealt with their own issues. You can’t be in a healthy relationship when you’re an unhealthy person. Many people have built their relationships on unstable foundations. Then they wonder why they are struggling and going through hell. People will always be in this situation when they haven’t dealt with who they are and learn to love self. They will continue to get into bad relationships with the wrong people with bad outcomes.

When a person continues to go through the same things it’s time to take a look in the mirror. It’s time for s self assessment. Unfortunately many people would rather stay on their road of destruction lashing out and blaming then to embrace the possibility of change. They continue to make bad choices and decisions without realizing why they are doing what they do. It always goes back to the issues within. When people do not deal with their issues their issues will always deal with them by wreaking havoc in their lives.

No one can change you and you can’t change anyone. What I’ve seen in life is people focus hard on either trying to change the other person or trying to be someone they think the other person wants. Neither is a good thing! An unhealthy person is an unhappy person who will live a chaotic dysfunctional life unless they choose to change. No matter who you love or who loves you, no one changes you, but you and no one changes the other person, but the other person!

World Full of Sex Crazed People

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This blog is specifically about the topic at hand. If sex is number one to you; you need to check yourself! Seriously! It has caused many in this world loads of problems. If it is most important to you then it means you will do anything to get it and you will do it to whomever and whatever. Now some of you think this is crazy, but it isn’t and we are seeing every single day it is true!

Whatever controls you controls your life! Last week I heard in some part of GA a grown man sodomized a 3 month old and his actions put her in critical condition. Sick right? Then in court he acted as if he didn’t understand the charges against him. Okay, playing crazy now, but he had enough sense to wait until he was alone with the baby to hurt her. That tells me he has sense. He just nasty, sick, and evil. I’ve heard of happening before.

When I was in graduate school I had to see some of the worst things pertaining to sex. I had to learn about people encounters with animals and all types of craziness. People are lost and not even trying to find their way! They see or hear about others committing the same acts they know they too are committing. Many haven’t been brought out in the public yet, but one thing about it God sees and knows it all. They ALL will one day have to pay the price for their actions!

People don’t understand there are differences between intimacy, sex, and a loving sexual relationship with someone. There is NO WAY on earth it’s anything other than plain sex when it’s forced through rape, incest, coercion, or molestation. If you’re a person who is all about sex then you’re a person who will probably do anyone or anything, because it’s the act you’re after, period! Intimacy can be sexual in nature or just a plain close nurturing relationship with someone or even with a pet, but NOT sexual in nature; it’s simply a close bond or attachment. A loving sexual relationship is a relationship involving intercourse with someone you love. It has meaning and intent. It’s NOT simply about sex, it’s much more!

This world is full of sex crazed people. It all goes back to brokenness. EVERYTHING leads to brokenness. Until people figure this out, they will remain the same! Many people are lifetime sufferers of their past experiences. They have allowed it to determine their destiny when it don’t have to! I believe the ONLY people who aren’t capable of understanding they need to change are those who are mentally incapacitated to a degree of not comprehending anything. Everyone else can understand although they choose NOT too!

People are completely fixated on their own self gratification which causes them to be led by their flesh. Their distorted thoughts and feelings lead them to do any and everything. They can’t think past their feelings. When they are focused on what they want to satisfy their flesh it’s what they will seek until they get it. People take all types of unthinkable and foolish risk to get what they want.

This topic is NEVER going away as long as this world is filled with these types of people. They’ve existed forever and will until Jesus returns! If ONLY people would comprehend they do NOT have to be the way they are. They do have the option to choose to change. Instead of trying to change many NOT all; have chosen to follow in the same footsteps of those before them. They’ve embraced the same mess they were once subjected too. It has tainted them completely and yet they continue to submit to it. They become drunks, drug addicted, liars, angry, abusive, cheats, pedophiles, molesters, people committing incest, rapist, into bestiality, sex offenders, sex crazed and all types of sexual immorality.

Sex with a underage child is wrong! There is NO WAY to clean it up, water it down, or sugarcoat it. Sad how people see it happening all around the world, in their families, in organizations, etc, but they still too afraid to address the elephant in the room. People can make all the excuses in the world it is still wrong! Satanic rituals involving children are wrong! I don’t care if a person was once victim they should seek help if they need it and NOT victimize. An infant, toddler, and adolescent can’t defend for themselves and anyone sexually abusing them are weak pathetic individuals. If the crime can be proven anyone who abuses an infant, toddler, or adolescent shouldn’t be allowed a day in court. I feel this is one of our biggest problems in society. Why waste tax dollars on people doing this? If it is proven; anyone who sexually abuses a teenager doesn’t deserve a day in court. This is simply my opinion. If you do the crime shut up and do the time, period! For these people it is about sexual abuse whether it’s penetration or just fondling; they are trying to get some type of sexual satisfaction. Society says for rapist it’s not about sex. I believe it’s not about sexual intercourse for all rapist, but I believe it IS about sex for all. When it’s not about sexual intercourse it’s still about sex, because they are trying to project a feeling of pain, through sex.

There are those sitting in jail, those who NEED to go to jail, those who are still (sneaking, tipping, dodging, and preying on kids and adults). They will do anything under the sun to anyone and anything.

One reason marriages aren’t sacred for many is because of sexual immorality. The marriage is defiled. People don’t even realize it too comes from brokenness. People want to get into marriages carrying the same exact baggage. No marriage will EVER work this way! People getting into relationships carrying the same old baggage and then wonder why they are having so many issues. You get what you accept from others! These afflicting ways don’t discriminate. It relates to young, old, rich, poor, all races, etc. etc.

The minds of millions need to change, if they do their hearts and everything else will follow. People don’t want to change because they are familiar with the way they are even though it causes chaos and destruction in their lives AND in the lives of others. This world is full of perverted sick people who don’t understand the repercussions for their ways until it’s too late. Trying to hide and sneak does nothing in efforts towards healing and changing. It keeps people stuck in their sick minded ways doing the same sick things!

Love has Nothing to do With it

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Love has nothing to do with it, because the people I am writing about knows nothing about love. They are only faithful, dedicated, and committed to self in their own warped ways. Meaning they get what they want, when they want it, and by any means necessary.

Many people are married or in long term relationships, but they aren’t faithful. They are some of the saddest people alive. I believe some of the biggest reasons people are in unhealthy and unhappy relationships they don’t take the time to get to know who they are with; because they fall too quickly, they feel pressured or obligated to become married, they do it because their friends or family have done it, and the biggest reason of all is they get into relationships for all of the wrong; with the wrong people for reasons beyond those I’ve just listed. Most can’t find the right one, because they are too busy trying to make it with the wrong one.

Love has nothing to do with why a person cheats. People cheat because of who they really are. What’s inside is sure to come out. They have pent up issues which makes them into who they are. These types of people take all types of risks to get what they want. They cheat multiple times and claim to be sorry, but they aren’t, they’re only sorry they get caught.

Many people are confused; but instead of dealing with their issues, they make bad choices and decisions. They continue to do the same things; getting the same results. They involve other people into their messed up lives causing havoc, heartache, and pain. This is why people should be very careful who they allow into their lives. Believe me when I write cause a person makes you feel good doesn’t mean they are good for you.

It’s hard for people to see through their issues. They allow their issues to consume them causing them to live dysfunctional lives. They don’t really care about anything other than self gratification. Oftentimes they cause pain to their significant others without remorse. They are full of hurt and pain so they inflict it into the lives of their significant others. They are oftentimes clueless as to why they continue to be unfaithful. I don’t care what a person says about their significant other, it’s not their significant other’s fault they cheated, they cheated because it’s a bad decision they made to cheat.

People shouldn’t ever get into serious relationships or marriages knowing they aren’t ready to be faithful. However, sad as it is, people do it every day. They get into relationships and then expect for their significant others to want to stay with them and deal with their mess. People need to think about the consequences of their actions and the risks they take of their own freewill.

A person may not know who they are with, but the person they are with know what’s going on with self. They know they have issues and they know they aren’t ready to be faithful. In their states of mind, they really aren’t capable of being faithful, because they only do what they want despite the pain it causes. They don’t know what they need, because they’re too focused on getting what they need. Love has nothing to do with it!

No one can see the truth until they are able to see past their feelings and emotions. With feelings and emotions cones hurt and pain. A person who is able to see beyond their feelings and emotions will be very careful NOT to become involved with those who can’t. It’s easy to see the truth when you can SEE the truth! Think about that for a moment!!!

Another Senseless Killing

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Many of us have heard about the recent killing of a teacher by her husband of one month. He killed her and then killed himself. This man didn’t wake up deciding to kill her, he had thought about it for a while. I’ve written many posts about people ignoring the signs. It’s no joke, it’s real. People are losing their lives, because they are too caught up in their emotions and feelings to see the signs.

I heard the relatives of the deceased teacher say as soon as the couple were married they saw the true him. The relative stated the guy changed. I don’t believe it for one second. He made not have shown his true colors to her family, but I bet he showed them to her. I’m sorry, I just do not believe there aren’t signs of the truth. I believe there are always signs no matter how subtle. The man who went into the classroom to kill his wife had a violent past which included domestic violence (sign). If she knew, why would she get into a relationship with him? If she didn’t know, I’m sure signs showed his tendencies for violence; yet she still chose him.

As I’ve always said, a person can only fake for so long, the truth will always surface. Many abusers have a way of manipulating and coercing. They know how to deceive and make their victims believe they are sorry for what they did (UNTIL THE NEXT INCIDENT). Women have to stop ignoring the signs. An abuser knows what to say and what to do. They are fighting their own demons. They want to control and dominate their victims.

I talked with many people after getting out of bad relationships who all said when they look back they could see the signs, but at the time of going through they FAILED to see them. Too many people lose their lives, because they do not adhere to the signs.

I’ve said it before and will  continue to say it; if a person is afraid to leave a relationship they have stayed too long. If a person feels trapped, they have stayed too long. The ONLY way to avoid unhealthy relationships is by NOT getting into them in the first place. People must learn to see past their emotions. It doesn’t matter how good it feels a person must see past their feelings. If it’s not right, what made you laugh will surely eventually make you cry.

Women and men who allow their feelings to lead them in and out of bad relationships need to look inward. They are seeking something in others they don’t have in self; which is love. When a person really love his or herself  they WILL NOT allow their feelings to blind them. They will walk away from drama and unnecessary mess. They will not give their power to anyone else and they will adhere to the signs. They won’t have any problems with being alone until the right one comes along. They are NOT depending on anyone else to live or for love and happiness. If you’re not happy alone, you won’t be happy with someone else, because your issues compiled with their issues is a time bomb waiting to blow.

Some individuals have their on issues and because of their issues of insecurities, lack of esteem and confidence, not loving themselves amongst other things; they allow people into their lives who they THINK love them. They bring bad unhealthy people around their families putting them smack in harm’s way. They fall for any form of love to get some form of love. Unfortunately this has caused many women and men to lose their lives.

It’s great to be loved, but first you must know what love is and what it isn’t. It’s NEVER abusive, ever! The problem with some people is they become lost in their feelings. They dismiss the treatment they are receiving and the many signs present. They feel good sporadically but they don’t understand they’re in an unhealthy relationship. They allow those good feelings to make them oblivious to the truth! They believe they can change the person, they believe it won’t happen again, they dismiss family and friends telling them what they see, etc. etc. This all happens, because these individuals are blind to the truth and they want what they want; even when it’s no good for them.

Be careful and guard your hearts. Don’t allow people into your lives who will hurt you. Open your eyes to the truth. It’s great to be in love, it’s great to be loved, but make sure you know what love is and definitely what it isn’t. Make sure you aren’t seeking something in someone because of something you’re lacking or never had. If you are you may find yourself in bad relationships and oftentimes it’s a repeating cycle. These types of people have often been in similar relationships with similar type people. If a person plays roulette long enough in any aspect of their life, eventually the unfortunate happens. Many people don’t understand the things they harbor inside can lead them into making the worse decisions and choices ever! In many cases it has caused individual’s their lives. Open your eyes and see the truth for what it is, even if it means getting the heck out of a relationship before it gets any deeper.

 

 

 

 

The Other Woman/Mistress

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After a conversation I had this weekend, I felt a need to talk about the above topic. There are many women who put themselves in positions to be categorized as the “other woman or the mistress.” It’s NOTHING to be proud of by no means. Some women have the audacity to call the wife or girl friend and tell her they’re sleeping with their husband or boyfriend. Many tell the wife or girlfriend explicit things about the relationships they’re having with the wives or girlfriends of significant others. This isn’t okay , it’s wrong, immature, and stupid.

My advice to any “other woman or mistress” is to get a life of their own and stop trying to ruin other women’s relationships. What this type of woman is doing proves she is a woman who don’t have a clue about what she needs and knows nothing about love. If she knew what she needed she certainly wouldn’t be with some other woman’s man.  If she knew anything about love, she would not seek it with a man who is already in a relationship; this type of situation has nothing to do with love.

If a man whose in a relationship approaches a woman she has the choice to tell him to beat it! Playing with fire can cause you to be burned (both of them)! Any woman who thinks it’s okay to mess around with someone else’s man is a woman who lacks integrity, values, morals, and a host of other things. Some of these women act heart broken when the men don’t leave their women or they harass the wives or girlfriends. It’s ridiculous.

Any woman who brags and boast about sleeping with someone else’s man is foolish. She is a woman who have no respect for herself and too immature to understand what she’s doing will come right back on her. This type of woman is very ignorant to think she has it going on because she’s with someone else’s man. First of all she obviously can’t get her own and secondly she’s very foolish to want someone else’s man. If he’s cheating with her on his wife or girlfriend, he’s showing upfront he’s no good. He’s showing upfront he isn’t trustworthy. He’s showing upfront he lacks morals and values. He showing upfront his commitment and dedication to a relationship are seriously flawed. He’s showing he’s immature.

If a woman thinks she’s doing something good by being with someone else’s man, the last laugh will be from the wife or girlfriend, because he will do to her the same thing he’s done to his wife or girlfriend. Sadly she’s too caught up in her emotions to see the truth.

Women must stop allowing themselves to get involved with men who are already involved with other women. STOP accepting ANY type of excuse from these no good men. If he says he’s going through a divorce then let him get through it. If he says they’re separated, then let him get a divorce. If he says he’s staying with her for the children, then he’s not for you, because he’s in a relationship already. If he says they only live together, but they aren’t together, LIES, LIES, LIES! Stop falling for it. Stop falling for it no matter what the excuse he gives to you. He’s with someone should be enough to send him on his way. I realize sometimes women are lied to by these men, but I believe if she is paying attention he will reveal in some way or another the truth. The signs will be present!

The man isn’t putting the other woman or mistress in a predicament or situation; she’s putting herself in one by going along for the ride. The particular woman that made me want to write this post bragged to the wife about she was paying the bills in her house (the wife’s house). How DUMB can you be???? If a woman is with a married man and she’s paying his bills, she is very stupid! Bad enough she’s in a relationship with him, but even worse; she’s paying his bills. On top of it she’s bragging to the wife about it. Very silly indeed! This is a woman who is led by her emotions into foolishness. She’s thinking with her heart and not her brain. The same way she’s bragging to the wife;  he’s bragging to his friends how he got him a sucker. Believe that!!

Although this post is about women it also relates to men as well. Some men do the exact same thing. They fall for women who are already with someone. It doesn’t matter who does it, it’s wrong! If a person can’t be faithful then they shouldn’t be in a relationship at all. Sometimes to cheat on someone cost people their lives. People aren’t playing games anymore they will take you out when you mess with their emotions. Don’t take any chances with ruining what you have.

I pray for anyone with a cheating spirit to get their lives together and change their ways before they destroy their lives. If you know you can’t be faithful it’s best to walk away before you find yourself in a situation you can’t handle. Marriage is supposed to be sacred. If you’re in a relationship but not committed you are wrong. If you don’t want to be there then it’s not where you should be. Karma is for real and it will bite you when you least expect it. Some of these women you cheat on aren’t playing and neither are some of the women you cheat with. You don’t know what doors you’re opening when you start messing with people’s emotions. Infidelity can get a person in a situation they regret. This goes for a cheating man or a cheating woman.

 

Relationships Normally End How They Begin

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I’ve written on this subject before, however I thought I would refresh some memories. Most relationships end according to how they begin. Many people get into relationship by cheating with someone who is already in a relationship. Oftentimes these are married people cheating on their mates.

It doesn’t matter if your the cheater or the one the cheater is cheating with, you’re both immature and wrong. A lot of times the cheater and the one he or she cheated with end up married. To no surprise they end up divorced later down the road, because of the same reasons they got together. Someone else came along (just as they did) and cheated with their spouse (or girlfriend/boyfriend). What do people think? They think they can wreck homes and all kinds of mess and then live in marital bliss? No it doesn’t work like that and Karma will bite them dead in the butt. You can do wrong and get by, but you won’t get away! It’s coming right back to you. Crazy to me how some people are so devastated when they’re on the receiving, but when they were cheating with the married individual they didn’t care the individual was married. It all seems to matter when they’re being cheated on.

The moral to this post is if you meet someone and you find yourself attracted to someone else’s man or woman, GET AWAY from them. If they are in a relationship of ANY kind, please don’t make an immature decision to pursue this relationship. If you do I promise you will suffer the consequences of your actions. What you do to others will come back to you! Think about what you’re doing. We all have the control as to who we fall in love with or who we choose to be with. When people choose other people’s significant others they’ve crossed the line. Nothing good will come to them! It may seem to work out, but it doesn’t last and you will find yourself in the same position you put someone else in (cheated on).

People who cheat and those who get into relationships with them are people who have no morals or values, they lack integrity, they are immature, they lack honesty, and they don’t know have a clue about commitment. What they give they will  eventually get! That’s how life works. If you start out wrong, it will end wrong. This doesn’t only pertain to cheating, it pertains to anything. If people get into relationships for all of the wrong reasons, whatever reason they got into the relationship will most likely be the very reason they want to leave it.

People are blind by their thoughts and feelings. They are led blindly and foolishly into relationships which are clearly not good for them. They always end up suffering the consequences of their actions. Sadly this means death for many (literally) whether physically, mentally, or emotionally). It is ALWAYS a personal choice to cheat, to be with a married individual, or to stay with a cheater. It’s always a personal choice as to the individual we become involved with. People see signs, but they ignore them. People are led by their emotions and because of it will ALWAYS suffer the consequences of their actions.

 

Selfish or Selfless

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How can you build a strong foundation if you don’t know what a strong foundation means, looks like, or what it takes to build one? I believe this is one of the biggest problems when it comes to relationships. People are eager to get into one, but have no clue what a healthy relationship involves.

In my opinion most relationships are disconnected from the start which makes it ALMOST impossible to build a strong relationship. As I’ve said many times before; people are getting into relationships for the wrong reasons and in all of the wrong ways.

People have to learn to see what they’re getting into, before they actually call it a relationship. You can’t do this if you don’t know or understand what is good for you. This means you must first know yourself. This world is full of people who are getting into relationships and trying to figure out others when they don’t even know who they are as individuals.

You can’t truly connect with someone else when you have no real connection with who you are as an individual. There are endless amounts of relationships built on the I factor. It’s all about one individual’s wants and desires. These individuals are either the one’s who are selfish or selfless. Selfish individuals seek self gratification at all cost. Although they’re in relationships it’s still about them (what I want, what I desire). They are in relationships but in their minds they’re still single and they act like single people. They are totally disconnected when it comes to their significant others. They feel they should be able to do what they want whenever they want. They don’t think of the consequences of their actions until it’s too late. At some point in these individual’s lives they learned to be this way.

In relationships selfless people care more about the other person’s well being than their own. These types of individuals have the obvious in their faces yet they are so blind by their emotions they only see what they want. Oftentimes their significant others may treat them badly, yet they only see what they want to see. They cater to the one’s they’re with and most times get nothing in return. These are the people who give and give trying to please the one they’re with. These people do and take things to please the one they’re with. It’s sad! These individuals have gone through things in their lives to cause them to be this way. There is always a disconnect in their relationships.

Until people learn who they are as individuals, in their relationships they will always be  either selfish or selfless. To know yourself is to first love and accept yourself. You must get to a point in life where you will not give people your power or base your happiness on them. It’s no surprise; people treat you exactly how you’ve taught them to treat you. They give you what you accept and allow. When a person loves his or herself they will never base their happiness, joy, or peace on another individual. They will know love is much more deeper than looks, sex, and status.

Millions of couples are very disconnected. Although they’re considered as couples reality is they couldn’t be farther apart. They don’t even know why they remain together. They are together but separated, each doing their own things. Married couples are together, but living separate in their homes. They don’t communicate in no sense of the word. They are unhappy, miserable, and lonely. This is a very sad reality for many. I don’t believe people grow apart. I believe they were NEVER connected and on one accord when it comes to love and a solid foundation. They started out wrong and never got on the path of one accord, instead they grew further and further apart (disconnected).

To build healthy relationships you must be in tune with you. If you’re not it means everywhere you go and everything you do your baggage will spill. It will corrupt all aspects of your life and ultimately the relationships you are involved with. Basically what I’m saying is it starts with you! No matter what, you must deal with you (the man/woman in the mirror)! If you don’t deal with the core of who you are it defiles everything else.

My prayer is that people learn to deal with their issues FIRST before getting into relationships. Learn to love you and embrace yourselves. The reason many relationships are messed up is people are seeking love without knowing what it is or what it isn’t. Stop waiting to be validated by other people, because most agendas are different than your own. Stand up, be strong, and most of all learn to love you!