What you Allow Tells the Truth About you

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Although this can affect all facets of a person’s life, I am right back on the subject of people in abusive relationships. In the past two weeks I’ve heard of 2 women and 1 man dying at the hands of their significant others.

I’ve said and written countless times if you’re too afraid to leave you’ve stayed too long. If you feel trapped, you’ve stayed too long. Too many people continue to get into abusive relationships.

I believe what people accept and allow in their lives indicates who they really are. It shows a lot about the individual. People can pretend all day the truth shows in the decisions and bad choices people make.

No one is exempt! This happens to rich and famous as well as all races and genders. The only exempt people are those who have matured to a point of understanding who they are and loving self. These people will NOT allow just any ole person into their lives. They want what is best for them. They do NOT allow their hearts to lead without using their brains at the same time. They know what feels good isn’t necessarily good for them. They know “everything glitters isn’t gold.” They know people say one thing, but will do another. They aren’t led or influenced into relationships by their feelings, because they have learned to walk away from anything that is potentially unhealthy for them. It’s something people learn to do when they learn from their past choices and decisions, when they figure out and work on self, and when they learn to love self enough to demand better for self.

Many people are full of baggage they’ve carried for years which has caused them insecurities to include low esteem and low self confidence. The problem is people are in denial. Most people think they have it together, but if they would step away from their feelings and look at the truth they will see they don’t. People need to step out of their feelings into the truth. The truth hurts, because it’s the truth. The truth shows us the real deal whether it’s accepted or not.

Many people choose to get into and stay into unhealthy relationships because they are looking for love. They think by being with someone they will have love and security. You can’t find something in someone you don’t have in yourself. When people do this they are left with more heartaches and pains then before they entered into their relationships. They are totally blind by their perceptions of the truth. Their self esteem and confidence is very low and they normally are full of self blame. They lie and try to hide the abuse they endure and the take the blame many times when they are publicly abused.

All of this allowance and acceptance is due to what people feel about self. They don’t think they deserve better. They accept the wrong people into their lives. They desperately want love, when they obviously don’t know what love is, and when they don’t even love self.

When entering into relationships people must know what they need above what they want and the difference between the two. If you don’t know the difference research it and then think about it. In relationships getting what you want is based mostly on feelings of the heart (sex, money, looks, statuses of people, material things). None of it will hold a relationship together and none of it makes a person into who you wish for them to be. People are led by their feelings and emotions. They want what makes them feel good instead of what is good for them. This has led many into abusive relationships with deadly consequences for many.

Stop thinking it’s love when a person wants constant controlling tabs on you, when they tell you what to wear, when they tell you where you can and can’t go, when they ostracize you from others, when they want to control your time, when you can’t do anything without them being present, when they (push, spit on, hit you in any form) you, when they are very disrespectful in how they speak to you while alone or in public, or when they have total control over the relationship. There are many other things abusive people will do, NONE of it is love. They are displaying dangerous warning signs.

There is a difference between loving and caring for a person’s well being versus trying to control a person in obsessive and possessive ways. It is NOT love! People who do this has deep seated issues. Those who accept and allow it also has their own deep seated issues. There are ALWAYS signs, I don’t care if they’re subtle or not, they are always present. Love isn’t blind, people are blind in what they think is love.

Many people get caught up in their feelings. They think what they feel is real. They think what they feel is good for them. How do you know what’s good for you when you don’t know what love is and you don’t love yourself enough to adhere to what’s NOT good for you? People who are searching for love grab and hold on to anything making them feel good, even when it’s not good. They are blind by those feelings and emotions. They oftentimes make excuses for their abusers. They don’t understand this is enabling and giving their abusers the green light to continue abusing them. It has NOTHING to do with love.

When a person doesn’t know their worth outwardly they make act differently, but inside they are full of insecurities coming to the surface. It shows through the allowances and acceptances in their lives. A person can fake and pretend all day, but the truth shows. As I stated earlier NO ONE is exempt. Until people wake up they will continue to get into and stay in abusive relationships. Unfortunately many will continue to die at their hands of their significant others.

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You Signed Up For It

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Many people are okay with their significant others cheating as long as they come home. Bull crap and they must be nuts!! Some people take this stance when it comes to their significant others and I think it’s absolutely stupid. This shows signs of desperation and insecurities.  As long as the green light is green and you are okay with it, they will proceed.

I understand loving someone and being in love with that person, however if they are trying to “have their cake and eat it too”, there’s a problem. Too many people settle with cheating. If you’re a person who is okay with being cheated on then something is wrong with you! A person will do to you whatever you take and allow.

Some people are okay with it, because they don’t want to start over, be alone, or lose their benefits (money, material things, place to stay, etc). Benefits for some is sex, shallow, but true! Starting over is tough, but it’s not the end of the world. If you can’t be alone with yourself, it indicates you don’t love yourself for some reason/s. Individual’s such as this need to deal with their own issues (first). If you have your own you wouldn’t have to worry about losing what someone else has afforded you.

I’m not suggesting to anyone to leave their relationships, what I am trying to relay is if you act as if being cheated on is okay, this attitude does nothing to help your situation. If you’re a person who is okay with it, then it CLEARLY says something is wrong with you. No woman or man should be okay with it. When I hear people say I’m okay as long as he/she comes home. I literally want to shake some sense into their heads.

If you truly love someone and are in love with that individual, there’s no way on earth you’re okay with them sleeping with or being with someone else. You can say it all day, but in your heart, you know it’s a lie. People say it’s okay, because they know their significant others will do it regardless, because it’s the foundation they have built in their relationships.

People don’t wake up and decide to cheat, they were already cheating in some capacity. There are far too many who allow this behavior from the start. In my opinion you nip it in the bud from the gate! People cheat not because they hate who they are with, but because of what’s inside of them individually. They are led by the dark part of who they are. They have issues they need to deal with within themselves. They tell whoever they are with they love them, however; truth is they don’t know what love is. If they did they certainly wouldn’t cheat on their significant others. It’s not about being in love, it’s about self gratification and seeking something outside of what they already have; despite the risks.

Synopsis of Cheaters and Those who accept it

If you accept a cheater then you’re just as messed up as the cheater. Something is wrong with both of these types of individuals. Many people get into relationships with those who are already in relationships with other people, SOMETHING IS WRONG with anyone who does this!  Trust me, the very thing that made you smile will make you cry later.

Some men and women leave their significant others for the OTHER  person ONLY to cheat on the OTHER person as well who by the way acts surprised when they are being cheated on (really)!! It’s EXACTLY what was signed up for by you!

If from the start you continued in a relationship with someone who was cheating on you, then you knew what you were signing up for.

If you are okay with your significant other being in a commitment, but not committed, then you will get from him or her exactly what you signed up for.

The moral of this post is as I’ve written and stated many times; people do to you what you allow and what you accept. If you don’t value and respect yourselves then don’t expect for anyone else to. Wake up people and see the truth. Most people cause their own heartaches and headaches by signing up for bull crap! If you’re led by what you’re feeling and not looking at the big picture, you will suffer the consequences of your actions. Everything that looks, tastes, or feel good isn’t always good for you. If it belongs to someone else, then it doesn’t belong to you and you shouldn’t want or desire it! If you do then you need to look at the man or woman in the mirror and deal with him or her, because something is wrong!

Relationship Hopping Tells the Truth

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Does this sound like you! Some people don’t have the sense to be embarrassed. I am embarrassed and sad for you! Please sit down somewhere and breathe! Reflect and learn how to grow and develop into a mature woman or man; someone who doesn’t need a significant other to validate who they are!

Nothing you have will change who you really are unless you change and let go of the baggage that has you in bondage. There are many wearing fake smiles, they’re dressed up and looking good, but are completely broken inside. This affects people from all walks of life to include the rich and famous.

I see and hear about people relationship hopping; some famous others are not. Some celebrities or others of well known status want the rest of the world to think they are different, but this is a lie. The difference is they can acquire and, purchase better things, they can go more places, they can do more things, and they can gain more opportunities and greater access to things. However, no amount of money will change what’s universal. We ALL despite the status; desire love, happiness, joy, and a peace of mind. Unfortunately money can buy a whole lot, but it can’t buy ANYONE a new CORE. Within the CORE lies the truth. No matter how polished on the outside and how well one tries to hide the truth it always shows in a persons bad choices and decisions.

Many people don’t take time to breathe before they’re out of one relationship right into another. It’s VERY immature and shallow to think you have it going on and all together when your actions are showing the complete opposite. You obviously don’t like yourself, because you can’t be by yourself. You feel to validate yourself you need someone by your side. This isn’t a good thing. By constantly going from one relationship to another you’re taking no time to figure out yourself. You’re too busy with trying to get the next hook up you never take a moment to understand why you’re doing what you do, you just do it! By now it’s second nature for you to move on to the next relationship. All of this comes from what’s going on inside of you; things you’ve carried around for a long time.

You will NEVER grow and mature mentally by doing this. You may get older, but you’re not giving yourself the ability to become more mature, wise, and full of wisdom by continuing to make the same bad decisions over and over. You have at this point in your life shown your inability to have a healthy relationship. You don’t give yourself the opportunity to learn how to love yourself, because you’re too busy trying to love someone else. It will NEVER work if you don’t learn to spend time with yourself, loving yourself,  and enjoying time alone.

These types of individuals live behind lies. They don’t know how to love themselves therefore they seek it in different ways and through other people. What you’ve grown accustomed to is a lie! You hide behind other things so that people don’t know the truth about who you are. Reality is you show the truth by your actions. You are in and out of relationships. Some of you are having sex with everyone you become involved with. You ruin your body by doing this, subjecting yourselves to unhealthy ways of life. Stop it! Value yourselves and your bodies!

It’s okay to want to have someone in your life, but before you can have a healthy relationship you must first love yourself and know how to be by yourself. You must learn that you are valuable and that you don’t have to settle with any ole one just to be with someone. Besides it won’t work out anyways, because you have too much unresolved baggage. You’re too focused on being with someone and not focused on getting yourself together, which is the most important thing. If you’re messed up every relationship you’re in will be messed up. This is why you’re repeatedly in and out of relationships. Some of you stay with people you don’t love, because you don’t know how to be alone. The ONLY person who can change this is YOU!!

Selfish or Selfless

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How can you build a strong foundation if you don’t know what a strong foundation means, looks like, or what it takes to build one? I believe this is one of the biggest problems when it comes to relationships. People are eager to get into one, but have no clue what a healthy relationship involves.

In my opinion most relationships are disconnected from the start which makes it ALMOST impossible to build a strong relationship. As I’ve said many times before; people are getting into relationships for the wrong reasons and in all of the wrong ways.

People have to learn to see what they’re getting into, before they actually call it a relationship. You can’t do this if you don’t know or understand what is good for you. This means you must first know yourself. This world is full of people who are getting into relationships and trying to figure out others when they don’t even know who they are as individuals.

You can’t truly connect with someone else when you have no real connection with who you are as an individual. There are endless amounts of relationships built on the I factor. It’s all about one individual’s wants and desires. These individuals are either the one’s who are selfish or selfless. Selfish individuals seek self gratification at all cost. Although they’re in relationships it’s still about them (what I want, what I desire). They are in relationships but in their minds they’re still single and they act like single people. They are totally disconnected when it comes to their significant others. They feel they should be able to do what they want whenever they want. They don’t think of the consequences of their actions until it’s too late. At some point in these individual’s lives they learned to be this way.

In relationships selfless people care more about the other person’s well being than their own. These types of individuals have the obvious in their faces yet they are so blind by their emotions they only see what they want. Oftentimes their significant others may treat them badly, yet they only see what they want to see. They cater to the one’s they’re with and most times get nothing in return. These are the people who give and give trying to please the one they’re with. These people do and take things to please the one they’re with. It’s sad! These individuals have gone through things in their lives to cause them to be this way. There is always a disconnect in their relationships.

Until people learn who they are as individuals, in their relationships they will always be  either selfish or selfless. To know yourself is to first love and accept yourself. You must get to a point in life where you will not give people your power or base your happiness on them. It’s no surprise; people treat you exactly how you’ve taught them to treat you. They give you what you accept and allow. When a person loves his or herself they will never base their happiness, joy, or peace on another individual. They will know love is much more deeper than looks, sex, and status.

Millions of couples are very disconnected. Although they’re considered as couples reality is they couldn’t be farther apart. They don’t even know why they remain together. They are together but separated, each doing their own things. Married couples are together, but living separate in their homes. They don’t communicate in no sense of the word. They are unhappy, miserable, and lonely. This is a very sad reality for many. I don’t believe people grow apart. I believe they were NEVER connected and on one accord when it comes to love and a solid foundation. They started out wrong and never got on the path of one accord, instead they grew further and further apart (disconnected).

To build healthy relationships you must be in tune with you. If you’re not it means everywhere you go and everything you do your baggage will spill. It will corrupt all aspects of your life and ultimately the relationships you are involved with. Basically what I’m saying is it starts with you! No matter what, you must deal with you (the man/woman in the mirror)! If you don’t deal with the core of who you are it defiles everything else.

My prayer is that people learn to deal with their issues FIRST before getting into relationships. Learn to love you and embrace yourselves. The reason many relationships are messed up is people are seeking love without knowing what it is or what it isn’t. Stop waiting to be validated by other people, because most agendas are different than your own. Stand up, be strong, and most of all learn to love you!

 

 

 

Let Them Walk

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If a lot of people would think this way less hearts would be broken. Many people are barely able to function, because they’re heartbroken. They have allowed how they feel for the individual’s they love to drain them. This happens when people give their power to the one’s they are in love with.

There are many who can’t move forward after their relationships end. The sad part is many of those relationships shouldn’t have ever started. People can’t see this truth when they make it all about the other person. They lose focus on what they want, need, and desire to try and fill the needs, wants, and desires of the one they love. When a person enters into a relationship losing sight of who they are, they lose period; and this is clearly seen when people aren’t able to function after their relationships end.

Some people don’t want to let go, despite the fact they are hanging on to something that is over. If a person don’t want to be with you,  that is their choice. If they want to walk away you should let them. To try an hold on to someone who want out, will put a person in an unhealthy state of mind. No matter how good you are or what you do; if a person doesn’t want to be with you the best thing is to let them go. Life goes on!!!

I firmly believe if a person can’t function because a relationship ended it means they gave their power to the individual they were with. When relationships end some people lose hope and can’t function enough to go about their daily activities. This is sad, because no one should give another person this type of control over their life.

Does it make sense to mope around and be in a dysfunctional state when the one you want is going on with their life? The one you want is doing what they’ve always done, because they always had control over their life. They can move on easily, because they never gave away their power. People who can’t move on are causing themselves unnecessary pain.

Some people are too eager to love and to be loved. They settle and accept any and everything. This says a lot about a person. If you make it all about another person, then it means you’re an individual who doesn’t really love his or herself. Matter of fact this is an individual who doesn’t really know what love is all about.

The moral of the post is if a person doesn’t want to be with you, let them go. It’s better to let a person walk out of your life then to walk all over you!  It’s great to be loved and to be in love, but it’s hell to be in love with someone who isn’t in love with you!!

If you’re with someone and you are doing all you can do to make the person love you or want to be with you, then you’re already in a bad situation. No relationship should ever be one way or one-sided. If it is step back and face the truth, something is wrong! When people won’t face this truth they always end up hurt and broken hearted.

 

 

It’s Not Love, It’s About What You Do

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Many people find themselves in relationships where they are being used. Relationships that are built on WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR ME!  People continue to get into relationships based solely on how they feel about the one they’re with, completely overlooking how they’re treated. They can’t see what’s staring them right in their faces.

It’s not hard to see the truth if you’re open to the truth. A person can’t see the truth if they are blind by their feelings. Many individuals are in relationships, but are still lonely and unhappy.

Oftentimes the truth is plain and clear to everyone but the one who needs to see it. If you give everything at your disposal thinking it will make a person love you; YOU’RE WRONG! Some of you give money, money, money. Then there are those of you who are constantly buying and giving material things. Some of you think because you have status that it will make the person you’re with love you. NONE of it works! You can literally take your heart out of your chest and hand it to them, it will not make them love you. You could give them the moon, sun, and stars; if they don’t REALLY love you, it won’t matter. Stop looking outward and start looking inward.

These types of people will take from you as long as you give. If you’re with someone and it’s ALWAYS about giving something or doing something for that person, you need to check yourself and re-examine the relationship you’re in. Sadly, you’ve taught that person exactly how to treat you.

I don’t care how much you think you love someone, if it’s all about the other person all of the time, this says a lot about you. You can make a person comfortable, they will make you think they love you, but in fact they love what you have and what you can do for them. Does this sound like you?

You can’t buy love in no shape, form, or fashion. It’s wonderful to be a nice giving person, but if you’re allowing someone to take advantage of you, it’s a different story. If your relationship is one-sided it’s because that is exactly what you’ve settled for. You started out the wrong way, you set the standard, and you taught the other person how to treat you.

Anytime you’re in a relationship with someone you will always get what you’ve allowed. A person can’t treat you any other way then how you’ve allowed them to treat you.

Should You Stay or Should You Go

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The decision lies with you, however you must be able to make it with a clear head. You must be able to deal with your situation without continuing to allow your heart to lead, this is the ONLY way you will make the right choice. Allowing your heart to lead got you where you’re at and dealing with what you’re dealing with.

Far too many people get into and stay into dysfunctional relationships. I’ve written many times about how people get into relationships for the wrong reasons and stay in them for all of the wrong reasons. Many people are too busy seeking love in all of the wrong ways and the wrong places. They lose focus trying to find something in others that they themselves don’t have. They are seeking love in others when they don’t love themselves. Some of you may not agree, but it’s true. When a person REALLY love his or herself, they will be careful the types of people they become involved with or allow into their lives. They will NOT allow anyone to treat them any ole kind of way.

People continue to get into bad relationships, relationships with clear signs the relationships are not good for them. Yet they continue on with these relationships because as I’ve always said, “they are allowing their hearts to lead.”

Do you stay in a relationship that has drained you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physical? If you’re at that point, I believe you’ve stayed too long.

Do you stay in a relationship where you’re constantly crying, sad, miserable, and lonely? If you do, you will stay that way until you either decide to work on it or you decide to move on. Remember, just because you want to work at it, doesn’t mean the person you’re with do. It won’t ever be a healthy relationship if you’re not on the same accord.

Do you stay in a relationship where you’re constantly disrespected and abused? I think NOT! This isn’t love. Too many people stay in these types of relationships until they get to a point where they’re too afraid to leave. If this is the case, YOU’VE STAYED TOO LONG. You should NEVER be afraid of the person you’re with. Unfortunately some never leave because they die in their unhealthy and abusive relationships.

Do you stay in a relationship where you’re constantly cheated on? You’re not the reason a cheater cheats. It doesn’t matter how you look, what you have, etc; a cheater will cheat. When a person is content with someone constantly cheating on them they’re a person with issues that has caused them to devalue his or herself. You’ve taught your significant other how to treat you. No matter how much you love someone it won’t make them love you, it won’t keep them with you, and it certainly won’t keep them from cheating.

Do you stay when there’s no affection between the two of you, you’re sleeping separate NOT because of health reasons but because your significant other doesn’t want to be near you, and they clearly don’t want to be with you? It’s unbelievable the amount of people who are in these types of relationships. They are basically roommates. This is very sad.

I can add many more scenario’s, but the bottom line of it all is to stay or leave is a decision ONLY you should make. I’ve written many posts saying that people treat you EXACTLY how you allow them too. If you let someone treat you any way they choose; then it’s EXACTLY what they will do. Point blank!!!

People need to get out of their feelings and face their situations with honesty and truth. Relationships normally end how they started, but oftentimes at the other end of the spectrum. For example if the relationship is built on sex, sex is the last thing either person will want. Unless a person has matured into a mature adult individuals will continue to get into relationships based on feelings of their hearts. These relationships are doomed from the start. These types of relationships either won’t last or will end up dysfunctional.

Despite of a person’s feelings towards his or her significant other, it takes both individuals to develop a healthy relationship. It doesn’t matter who it is; a person will or can ONLY do to you what you have allowed. If you allow a person to treat you bad for so long they will become inconsiderate and complacent. They will take you for granted. If it’s okay with you how you’re treated, then this is EXACTLY why you’re treated the way you are. If it’s okay with you, it’s okay with them. Everyone together isn’t meant to be together and many find themselves trying to make something work when it isn’t meant to be. Get out of your feelings and face the truth!