Facing Your Biggest Problem, You

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It’s not him or her, it’s you! Stop trying to hold on to people who have let you go. Stop trying to hold on to a person who doesn’t feel you’re worth fighting for. It means you’re not as important to him or her as they are to you. The person you’re with must think you’re just as important, if not they aren’t as into you as you are to them. Too many live their lives struggling to hold on to people who are NOT holding on to them. It causes unnecessary chaos and drama in the lives of many.

People give their significant others too much power over their lives. They can’t function when the one’s they love walk away or simply don’t really want them. If a person wants to walk let them. Stop taking up space in your mind over someone who don’t even think of you! Some people literally can’t function because someone walked away from the relationship. I’m sorry I think it’s nonsense! It’s only my opinion. I know we’re all different. It doesn’t make sense to me to lose your mind over someone who doesn’t care how you feel.

Many people go through hell and high water to be with individuals who don’t want to be with them. When a lot of people stay it’s not that they want you, they like what you do for them and it’s the only reason they stick around. They treat the individuals they are with like crap, because they are allowed to. You have to deal with the monsters you created. Why? It’s because we teach people how to treat us. Whatever you allow it will happen! When you nip things in the bud people know where you stand!! When you allow things to continue to go on; you let people know where you stand!! The control is always yours, unless you give it away.

There are a lot of people who want to give up because the one’s they love don’t love them back. Seriously? If a person doesn’t want to be with you let them go. Trying to keep them where they don’t want to be will only prove to be a dead end and unhealthy situation. If a person is trying to hold on to someone when the person doesn’t want to be there, you must look at self and figure out what’s going on with you, NOT the other person. They’ve shown you who they are and what they want, now it’s up to you to deal with your feelings and emotions and stop allowing them to lead you in the wrong direction.

None of us can change another person, we can only change ourselves. We have to look at self and determine what we have to fix about self. Stop blaming the other person, because the other person is doing what they want to do. Life will go on even if you choose to remain stuck in place. No one is worth it. No one is worth the heartache or headache. If they want to walk, open the door for them! Same door they walked out of someone else will walk in. The difference should be you’re stronger and have more wisdom, knowledge, and understanding so not to make the same bad decisions again.

Most people look at relationships they’re in one way; and that’s according to how they feel about the other person. Hold up! Remember, you’re never the only person in a relationship, it always takes two! People get caught up in how they feel and fail to fully understand how the other person feels. A person shows you the truth no matter how subtle. People fail to see it, because they are blind by their thoughts, feelings, and emotions of the person they think they love or want to be with.

Stop doing things you feel uncomfortable with, stop trying to be someone you’re not, stop accepting any ole thing, stop allowing yourself to be mistreated, stop blaming the other person and take responsibility and ownership for you and your life, stop worrying about what the other person is doing and take care of you, and please stop giving your power to someone else.

I promise you, if you love yourself it will be enough!
You may feel lonely sometimes, but it’s better than being with someone and still lonely. Being alone is better than being with someone and in love by yourself. Being alone is better than being with someone yet separate, because they are doing their own thing. Being alone is better than being with someone who is only with you because of what you provide. Being alone can be a greater teacher if allowed. Learn to love you and you will see that no one will love you like you and if you love you, you know everything will be alright!

Individuals must learn how to see past their feelings, if they don’t they will continue to get into the wrong types of relationships, with the wrong people, for all of the wrong reasons. Happiness doesn’t start or end with anyone, but yourself; others may be a part of your happiness, but you definitely shouldn’t depend on anyone to bring happiness in your life. You first have to find it within yourself!

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Start Looking at Yourself

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Many people in this world completely give their power to the one’s they are in relationships with. Unless a person has matured and become wiser they will put their feelings for who they are with above what’s good for self.

Have you ever seen a show called “Hustle and Soul” it’s about the Brooklyn Pink Tea Cup restaurant. Fake or real this is a perfect example of how a person completely gives away their power. It was so ridiculous to me I couldn’t watch it. Sadly there are many in this world in these types of relationships. You are treated exactly how you allow!

No matter how much a person says they love you, their actions will speak volumes. Sometimes people fake it to get what they want out of you. When in relationships with people who really don’t want you they will oftentimes be in a relationship with someone else (married or causal relationship). They will tell you they love or care about you while telling the other person the same thing. You end up acting foolish over someone who isn’t worth your time. Yet, people stay in these unhealthy relationships. Those who do, it clearly shows they have things they definitely need to change about self.

If a person is constantly taking from you, something is up. If a person is always MIA (missing in action), something is up. If a person can’t spend time with you, because they always have to do something; something is up. When a person is always on their phone even when you’re around, something is up. When a person never does anything for you; something is up. If a person never invites you over to their place, but they are always at yours; something is up. If a person never invites you to meet friends or family; something is up. If a person enjoys you while you’re on the inside, but never wants to be seen with you on the outside; something is up. If a person is available in the daytime, but at night they can’t communicate; something is up. If a person sit back and wait for you to come to their beckoning call; something is up and it’s a set up. They are showing you exactly how they will treat you. If a person has someone else and is trying to get with you too; you should love yourself enough not to get into this type of relationship. This person is showing you what they are about. This is going to bring nothing other than drama into your life. I can go on and on and on, because there are many signs people fail to acknowledge.

In some relationships people are very blind by their feelings to the point of being abused by the ones’ they love because they accept any and everything from those individuals. Many people don’t nip things in the bud; and before they know it they are in deep. They are afraid to leave for many reasons; the most poplar are (fearful of physical abuse or fearful of losing whatever security they think they have). First of all you should never allow abuse in any form and you shouldn’t ever stay, period! It is not cute, love, or a game! Second, you should obtain your own security so you never fear losing someone else’s. There’s nothing a person can offer that is worth your peace of mind.

You will do either bad or good by yourself. It all depends on how you feel about yourself as to what you will and won’t accept in your life. You definitely don’t need anyone adding to problems you may already have. If a person can’t bring to the table, then it means they are taking away. Therefore, you will have their issues to deal with along with your own. No one can complete you, they either add to or take away. A person who loves his or herself will never allow anyone to bring distress into their lives. You have to stand and be complete on your own to have something happy and healthy with someone else.

When you give up your power you make it much easier for the other person to take advantage of you. Some people give too much too quickly. They think it will keep the other person around, instead most times it drives them away. Some will stick around to get whatever they can out of you, in the meantime they still don’t want to be with you. If you’re lost in your feelings you won’t be able to see it.

Most people want to hang on to someone who isn’t remotely worth hanging on to. For you it’s all about them and for them it’s all about them! Sad, but true! Still many people don’t get it or won’t get it! When you’re dealing with a lot of issues it interferes with the ability to think rationally or logically. People are blind by their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. People are seeking things they know nothing about. You can’t expect to find happiness or love in someone else when you’re unhappy with yourself and when you don’t love yourself. Normally it will not work!

Sometimes for a Season Always for a Reason

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A lot of times in our lives people come and they go. Many individuals experience difficulty when they try to hold on to people who don’t want to be held on to. Trying to do whatever you can to make a person want to remain in your life never works. You should never belittle yourself by trying to force in any way someone to be in or a part of your life who doesn’t want to be.

I understand when you love someone it’s hard to see them gone, but sometimes you have to let a person go. This goes for family, friends, and others. It doesn’t mean you don’t care for them, it means you have to do what’s best for you mentally, physically, and spiritually. You can’t grow because you’re stopping your ability to grow by being choked by the weeds you allow to grow in your life.

There are too many people who are doing all kinds of foolishness to try and hang on to significant others when their significant others are running the other way. Let them run! If a person doesn’t want to be with you or in your presence life goes on! Love yourself enough to be able to let them walk.

We sometimes have family members and friends who no matter how much you love them; don’t seem to want to truly be a part of your life. Let them do what makes them happy, even if it means not dealing with you!

Every last one of us go through things which are either good or bad and oftentimes both. Some people come in our lives and it’s meant to be for a season. However, due to individuals being led by their feelings and emotions, they try to make what is meant for a season a lifetime. This is why so many people are dealing with unnessary drama. I’ve said and written it a million times no matter how handsome or cute you are, what you have, your title or status, the money you have, what you provide, all the sex you give, NONE of it will make the person you love want to be with you or stay with you. If they don’t want to be with you, there’s nothing you can do or say to change it. Let them go if that is what they want.

I know it’s a little different with family. They are meant for a lifetime, but it doesn’t mean you have to exhaust yourselves trying to make them love you. If a family member doesn’t want to deal with you, it’s their choice. As my mom always said “feed them with a long handle spoon.” That simple means love them, but at a distance. Today’s families has as many clicks as any social group. Some family members pick and choose what other family members they want to be around. You have no control over this. Love you enough to keep it moving.

Friends come and go. A true friend is there always, but a person who claims they are a friend who isn’t; will eventually show their true colors; when they do let them walk! Sometimes we try to hold on to individuals who have long let us go. This isn’t healthy! People will be as nice to you as possible to get what they can from you. You have to be smart enough to see what is happening and nip it in the bud. Set aside your feelings and emotions, stop allowing people to treat you any ole way.

People come in and out of our lives to teach us something. It is always meant to make us grow. The sad part is a lot of individuals cripple themselves by blocking their ability to grow. We learn life lessons from different people and different sources. If you are stuck in the same mindset you don’t allow yourself the opportunity to grow. Trying to hold on to people or things that you should have long let go keeps you stuck!

You get Exactly What You’ve Allowed

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In relationships if you don’t love yourself don’t expect for anyone else to love you. What I am saying here is many people are in bad relationships because they’ve become involved with people who are like them (messed up emotionally). Stop doing this especially thinking the one you chose to be will love you when you don’t love yourself. What you fail to understand is the person you’re trying to love don’t love his or herself either. They will treat you exactly how you treat yourself (no respect, no love, no care).

Many people take any type of treatment, because they’re trying to make something out of nothing. You can’t change a person no matter what you do unless they want to change. Before you try tackling someone else’s issues, you must first tackle your own!

Love can’t be bought! A person will love what you do for them, but not love you! If you start a relationship off by trying to buy love, that’s what you will have to do to keep the person you’re with. Nothing you give a person will make them love you or want to be with you.

Many people get into relationships seeking something they are missing and oftentimes never really had (this thing called love). Love first starts with you! When you love yourself you know what love is. You will know you don’t have to buy love nor do you have to take any unnecessary drama to be loved by someone.

The person you’re with will treat you exactly how you allow, because you’ve taught them exactly how to treat you! When you take unnecessary crap from someone they will surely give it. People try you to see what you will take and when they see they can get away with crap, they will freely oblige you with it! It can be disrespect, abuse, cheating, lying, manipulation, using you, or whatever. If you allow it they will do it!

It all goes back to what you think and feel about yourself. It’s also how you treat yourself! If you have no standards, you get no standards. If you have no requirements, no requirements is what you will get. If you have no self respect, you get none. The list goes on!

A person who loves his or herself will always feel good about self. This type of individual will treat you right. Anything less than that gets you any type of treatment. Any individual who allows his or herself to be mistreated in any way need to look inward at self. You are your own problem! You can’t change anyone and no one can change you! However, if you allow someone to mistreat you, they will!

Love Isn’t Love When it’s One Sided

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Why are you crying over someone who doesn’t want you?????????????????????????
Why are you taking up space in your mind pining over someone who has let you go?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I guess I’m made different from many others, because I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me.

There are a lot of men and women who are stuck, because they are still messed up over someone who walked away. If a person wants to walk, let them walk! We all have the right to do so! When a person is caught up in their feelings they forget they’re not in a relationship along. They only think about how they feel, what they want, and desire. They never think about what they actually need. This is why people find it difficult to let go.

You can’t force anyone to be with you. If a person wants out let them go. There’s nothing you can do to keep your man or woman with you if they really want to go. People cheat because they want to. They cheat because of what’s inside of them. No matter the issues a relationship has, cheating individuals will cheat because they want too! Stop crying and losing control over someone who doesn’t even care.

If people get out of their feelings they can see the truth. Love yourself enough to not allow people to dictate your happiness. Love yourself enough to be able to stand alone when the one you love doesn’t love you. No matter how much you love a person or how much you give a person, if they don’t love you nothing you do will make them love you. They may love what you do for them, but it doesn’t mean they love you!

Many people render themselves powerless to people who don’t care less! Individuals must learn to look past feelings to see the truth of what is really happening. It’s a wonderful thing to be in love with someone, but if that someone isn’t in love with you you’re treading treacherous waters.

Life goes on! Loving yourself gives you the understanding of what love is. It empowers you with the ability to let go anyone or anything from your life that is trying to take your peace, happiness, and joy. Stop trying to run in the direction of someone who is running in the opposite direction of you!

As I’ve always said, “people get in relationships and stay in relationships for the wrong reasons.” Your love is null and void if the person you love doesn’t love you. That isn’t a relationship! A person will stay with you for the benefits you offer (security, sex, material things, etc, etc). However, it doesn’t mean they love you. Stop trying to buy people’s love, because you will NEVER have enough money to do so! You can have Steve Job’s or Oprah Winfrey’s money, but if the person you’re with do not love you, no amount of money will make them love you or stay with you.

As for cheating, there are always signs. Anyone who says there aren’t are blind to the truth. I don’t care how subtle, the signs exist. People can ignore them, but they still do exist. When a person is caught up in their feelings they are blind to the truth. Yet, the signs still exist. As humans, we put ourselves in bad and unhealthy situations for lack of self love. When a person doesn’t love his or herself they fall into many unhealthy situations because fact is they can’t see beyond their feelings and emotions.

Enslaved by Feelings and Emotions

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Millions are in many situations because they are being held mentally captive by their own free will. It doesn’t only apply to relationships it applies in all aspects of a person’s life. However this post is concerning relationships. It’s terrible the bad choices and decisions make based on what they think is love, especially when children are involved. I can talk or write about it all day, but people have to understand it for self. Many people find themselves in terrible situations and relationships because they are going off of feelings and emotions and NOT looking at the truth. They can’t see past their feelings and emotions.

When I was young I did it once, it was enough for me to learn. I never made the mistake again. You must see beyond what you’re feeling. Everything starts with a thought, however; if your thoughts are distorted then it means your feelings and emotions will be absurd. A person think they know the truth, but they are basing it on their distorted views. Those views are distorted because their thinking is distorted. The old saying is VERY true “everything that glitters isn’t gold.”

Never, ever, never get caught up in a situation or with someone where you are basing things solely on how you’re feeling. You are bound to make bad choices and decisions. People do this every single day. If you don’t know people who do this personally, I’m sure you’ve at least have heard about them. Yet, people continue to do it!

A person will never change their ways of thinking if they don’t think they have a problem. They will never change if they think what they do is right. They will never change if they think they have it all together. They will never change if they have given power to their feelings and emotions. When a person do not change they only remain the same.

Many make bad decisions and choices, some to the extreme of death either to self or a loved one. It takes self love and maturity to be able to see past your feelings. I believe with everything in me, when a person truly love his or herself they are careful and selective in who or what they allow in their life.

There are many people who want what isn’t good for them. The sad part many of these people know it’s not good for them from the start. Yet they can’t see the truth, because they are blind by their feelings and emotions. Relationships will continue to fail until people wake up! Those you choose to become involved with will treat you exactly how you allow. If you don’t care about and love yourself, don’t expect anyone to genuinely care and love you. It starts with you!

When you Don’t Love Yourself

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It is apparent to most people, but not apparent to the individual. Most people think they have it all together, however the truth is told in the decisions people make about their lives. People are quick to say they want to know the truth until you give it to them, then they are upset with you.

There are many people in this world who are seeking love and many unfortunately think they’ve found it. My question is how do you know what love is from someone else when if you first don’t love yourself or haven’t really experienced it from anyone?

People focus on receiving love from others, but not on loving self. Other people will treat you exactly how you allow. I don’t care how good you treat someone else people will play with your heart, feelings, and emotions for as long as you allow. Why you may ask? It’s because they too have issues they need to face. If a person don’t know what love is they will accept what they are getting as love.

This is why we see many women and men getting with people who abuse them or kill them. They also abuse or kill their children. This is why we see people getting with individuals who drain them financially, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Again, people do to you what you allow. What they think is love simply is not!

When a person is desperate for love they will do anything to get it. This is a person who doesn’t love his or herself. There’s no way possible a person can love his or herself an allow someone else to mistreat them or their children. No way on earth! People who love self no their worth!

You shouldn’t have to buy love. By the way it’s impossible to buy love, people think they can. They aren’t buying love, they are buying the other person. Stop giving and watch what happens! You shouldn’t have to ever deal with abuse, disrespect, belittling, controlling individuals, obsessed or possessive individuals, or people who cause you or your loved ones harm. None of it signifies love in no kind of way.

A lot of people don’t know what love is, because it’s how they were brought up and unfortunately they got comfortable with it and settled for it. What I mean is as people get older who they choose to become falls on them. We can stay the same or we can choose to change. Point blank! People who do not embrace change carry baggage from one place to another continuing to pile up the drama in their lives and the lives of others.

If a person doesn’t love his or herself they will take and take either until some tragic happen or their eyes become open and they realize the unhappy relationship they are in. If you don’t love yourself people will sense your vulnerability and many will prey on you. Other people can sense when a person is eager in their quest for love. The people who prey have their own issues as well, but the individuals who become involved with them can’t see their issues, because they can’t see their own.

Love is many things, but it’s never abusive, disrespectful, controlling, demanding, obsessive, or possessive. It can’t be brought with money or material things. If you don’t love yourself it’s time to look in the mirror and deal with you! No one can fix you, but you!

Think about why are you allowing someone to treat you the way they are. Think about why you are settling. You will find it starts and ends with you! A person may try one time, but if you love yourself, you will nip it in the bud asap! Don’t allow your feelings and emotions to blind you to the truth. If you do you will always find yourself getting in a bad situation or staying in one. As I always say; face that man or woman in the mirror and accept a change needs to occur!