It’s not Love, it’s You

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I posted about love being blind a year or so ago, I am readdressing this today. Despite what many believe love is NOT blind! Love is kind, patience, good, beautiful, and it is a word that describes emotions and feelings. A million people may have a million different descriptions for love, however it is only pure and good! God is love therefore it’s nothing but good! It is NOT what a lot of people think it is or claim it to be. One thing for certain it’s NOT blind! People who think they are in love are the one’s who are blind. They are blind by their emotions and feelings.

I don’t care how young or old many people are still led by their emotions and because of it they make horrible decisions and choices. Yes, due to different upbringings, environments, etc it can affect the way people think, perceive, feel, and act. However, ultimately as adults we can continue the same or choose to change.

People have many issues they haven’t faced or resolved, then they turn around and couple it with someone who also have their barrel of issues. They end up in chaotic relationships. They are either used or they are the users. They are controlled or they are the one’s who are controlling. They are abused or they are the abusers. They are manipulated or they are the manipulators. What I’m boiling it all down to is they have this negative load they transfer from relationship to relationship. They seem to continue to go in and out of relationships with the same type of people. They haven’t figured out that although the person they are with may undoubtedly have issues, they have a host of their own as well.

When a person is led by the flesh it is always for some form of self gratification. They will go to the extreme to get it. When it comes to their relationships these individuals are moved by what they are feeling and it clouds their judgment. No matter how bad their situations really are they can’t see the truth, because they are blind by their feelings and emotions. People around them can see, but the individuals who are involved can’t see the truth. People ONLY wake up when it’s so bad something has to give, they then begin to clear the fog. Unfortunately some never see through the fog!

These types of people have many insecurities. I’m speaking beyond the normal insecurities a person may have. I think we all have something, but not to the point of it affecting us. People who have issues they haven’t resolved or learned to cope with the affects of those issues allow their insecurities to wreak havoc in their lives. They are individuals who lean and depend on others for happiness. They seek love in all of the wrong ways, people, and oftentimes places. They need someone to make them feel validated. When they are in relationships they either love too hard too quick or their trust and insecurities causes other problems for them and their relationships.

The best recommendation I can give a person is to look inward at self. People can’t put the blame on no one, who we are lies with us. I know there are many avenues and experiences to get us to where we are, but individually we have
to take responsibility for who we choose to be. If people step back and look clearly at their situations they will see the truth. If people continue to be led by how they feel they will continue be led into places they really don’t want to be. People treat you EXACTLY how you allow them to treat you, they won’t change how they treat you until you change how you allow them to treat you! Get it!!

If people stop being obsessed by their feelings they can see clearly. People must first love self and when they do how they see things change. People who love self matures to a new level of understanding. They know they don’t need a woman or are a man to validate them and they embrace if they have to be alone until the right one comes along. They’re no longer interested in Mr. or Ms. Right now! They learn good looks don’t get it, money doesn’t get it, status doesn’t get, or any of those things. They will understand what they want may NOT be what they need!

Always look at your situation and never settle for one way love, because in truth it’s no love at all!

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Nothing Compares to His Agape Love

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The reason I go back revisiting many previous topics is because as long as the world go around many people will NOT get it. There will always be the same problems with different people experiencing them. No matter how much information is available, people will do exactly what they choose with no heed to the truth.

Many people are doing the unthinkable in order to be loved. People are seeking something they know NOTHING about. How can you receive something and know whether it is good or bad; if you know nothing about it?

In order to truly love someone you have to first know what love is and you must love yourself. People are continuously and feverishly without fail looking for love in all of the wrong ways, in all of the wrong places, and in all of the wrong people.

Below are a few things people will do in the name of what they perceive as love:

.People will forsake their children for love and allow harm to come to them, because they base their reality on how they feel about the person they are with…..They will kill, steal, and commit other heinous acts, because they accept anything to be in the life of the person they are with (ride or die)……They will tolerate physical, mental, verbal, and emotional abuse, because they want to hold on to their false sense of love……They will perform immoral sexual acts, because they are easily enticed and influenced by who they are with even if it means doing any nasty thing to please them…….They will engage in drugs and alcohol although they never thought to try it before, because they are trying to maintain a relationship or to fit in…….Many will join gangs or other types of groups to feel a sense of love and belonging……They will accept being treated any kind of negative way and completely overlook it due to feelings of their hearts…….Some will be cheated out of their possessions oftentimes losing everything, because they allowed their hearts to lead them blindly…..They will do things they are normally against or wouldn’t ever have done before, because they are blind by what they feel is love…..They will put up with excessive foolishness as long as they can say they have a man or woman. They think some man or woman is better than no man or woman at all. How sad is that??

I could honestly write out pages and pages of nonsense people will do in the name of what they THINK is love. However, I believe I wrote enough for you to understand what I mean. People willfully and foolishly go through pure hell in the name of what they perceive as love. They are constantly in and out of relationships seeking love yet are always ending up with the same results. Still, they don’t get it!

People are desperately seeking love when God is standing with His arms wide open ready to receive anyone who is willing to receive Him. If people would only give Him and His love a try. There is no greater love in the entire world. He won’t forsake us or leave us alone. No matter what we go through He is with us. His love is never ending and unconditional. There are no stipulations for receiving His love. It’s available to everyone all across the world. He loves us despite of and He wants us to love Him!

Read carefully, I repeat; there are no stipulations for His love. However, there are stipulations to how you must live your life; for it determines how you will spend eternity. He doesn’t give you a free pass because He loves you. He also chastises whom He loves. To make it to Heaven there is a particular way we must live and it’s outlined in the Word/Bible. Him loving us doesn’t mean we are exempt. Despite of His agape love we are STILL held accountable for how we choose to live.

No one can ever love us like Jesus the Son and God the Father. We can look high and low, but there is no one who can give agape love other than Jesus the Son and God the Father. People put ALL of their trust in their significant others who repeatedly let them down, but NONE in Jesus, someone who will NEVER let them down. These types of people will do anything to be with a person who doesn’t love them yet they turn from or don’t want to receive someone who loves unconditionally.

When a person falls in love with Jesus, the first thing He does is show you what love is and in doing that He teaches us to love ourselves. When a person love his or herself they WILL not allow any ole thing or person in their life. Seeing this change in you YES people will shun you, they will talk about you, and many times you will have to walk naturally alone. It’s okay, because spiritually Jesus is with you! People won’t understand the change in you. They are okay when you’re down and out, but when you get on the right track they either pretend not to see you or they hate what they see. Just know it’s NOT you, it’s the LACK of Jesus in them.

My recommendation is after you’ve tried everything else you want to try; try Jesus, He won’t leave you alone, talk about you, stab you in your back, tell lies on you, mistreat you, do you wrong or lead you wrong in any kind of way and He will always want what is best for you. He knows everything about you and knows you better than you know yourself. He doesn’t always give you what you want, but He will supply what you need! Allow Him into your life and discover who you REALLY are through Him!! There’s no love like His agape love!!

Walking Away From the Start

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People must learn to do this! If people would walk away from things that aren’t right from the start many wouldn’t be in the predicaments they are in. People allow how they feel for a person get them into avoidable situations. I will guarantee you if you walk away from bad situations from the start it will save you drama and stress later on. For some walking away will save their lives.

I’m not saying walk away from a relationship without ever trying to work on it. I’m saying walk away from unhealthy people to avoid being in unhealthy relationships. You do this by adhering to the signs. Stop looking at the outer appearance, stop looking at what a person has to offer. A person can be rich and completely tainted and toxic. They aren’t worth the pain and suffering of being involved with them.

Many women get into relationships with men who clearly show them they aren’t right for them, but because they think they love their men they continue on with the relationships. Many later find they made bad choices and poor decisions. Too many women go solely off of how they are feeling about the guy instead of looking at what is actually taking place in their relationships. They go into relationships thinking their men will change, trying to save them, or thinking they can fix them. This is a foolish and immature way of thinking and it leaves women in bad unhealthy relationships. They are fixated on the sex, how he makes her feel, and basically it all is intertwined into how he makes her feel. These women seem to lose a grip on reality until finally their eyes are open, by then it’s too far gone.

Too many women subject their children to unhealthy and unsafe environments by allowing people who shouldn’t be around their children into their lives. Children can’t fend for themselves, they rely on their parents. Women who are too caught up in their men to see what is going on are women who have a lot of issues they need to deal with. It’s a sad situation for these women and their children.

Many women are allowing men to beat, molest, rape, and hurt their children mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It scars children for a lifetime. These types of women need to get their heads out of the sand. A man who mistreats a child is a man who will mistreat his woman. Wake up and protect your children. Too many children are becoming victims to the hands of their mom’s significant others. These types of things cause dysfunction in the lives of children then they grow to be dysfunctional adults making bad decisions like their parents. I’m not saying all children will grow into dysfunctional adults, but many will and we see it every single day in some facet in all walks of life.

Men get into relationships for the some of the same exact reasons. They think they can save a woman or fix her. They are captivated by the outer appearance (shallow thinking). They get caught up in their sexual feelings or what is being done for them and to them. Sex is sex, period. Some men and women may perform a little better than others, but the bottom line is sex is sex. Some men; same as women think the person they are with will change or that they can fix them. Men like women; allow what they are feeling in their hearts to lead them into making bad decisions and choices. This does nothing but cause chaos and havoc in the lives of many.

Walking away from bad situations prevents worse things from happening. I don’t care how good it makes a person feels, if it’s not a good relationship it is bad and therefore unhealthy and unsafe. When people stay in relationships too long they suffer the consequences of their bad choices and decisions in one way or another. Sometimes those around them suffer the consequences as well.

No man or woman has to be in unhappy, unhealthy, and unsafe relationships. People get into and stay in them by choice until one day they see the truth for what it is and by then they feel stuck there by some form of fear. It can all be avoided by paying attention to the signs and walking away before things goes too far. Love isn’t unkind, impatience, possessive, obsessive, or controlling. It isn’t verbal, physical, or emotional abuse in no sense of the word. If someone loves you they will not want to cause you or your loved ones any pain. Many people miss this because they are too focused on how they are feeling. They miss all the signs until it’s gone too far. Sad, but true!

Unhealthy People, Unhealthy Relationships

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This is for a lot of people in unhealthy relationships. There are many people who are in terrible relationships. They are blind by their feelings and they will do anything to please the one they are with. For many people the focus is completely off. Most people drastically fail at getting to know the one they are with. They don’t adhere to the signs nor do they ask the right questions. All they care about is trying to win who they are trying to be with.

The reason people find themselves in terrible relationships is because their focus is on doing any and everything to please the one they are with. Many will even cross the line by doing things they wouldn’t normally do. They are moving solely on how they are feeling and unable to see the truth because of it. They think because they feel a certain way the actions behind their feelings will make the person they are with truly want to be with them. This isn’t so!

A person will take from you as long as you give. A person will do to you what you allow. It is you who teach the one you’re with how to treat you! If you think giving them everything is going to make them love you more, you’re wrong! They still won’t love you any more than they really do! Matter of fact some don’t love who they are with at all, they love what the person does to them and for them. Hurtful right? It’s true! It’s better to read about it then to be living it!

There are far too many people who get into one-sided relationships. They are too caught up in how they are feeling, therefore blind to the truth. They could see it if they chose to, unfortunately it’s not on the mindset of most; their interest is giving all they can to the other person, because they love them very much. At least so they think!

Don’t be a fool to love or to what you perceive as love. Perception is normally gravely distorted when a person is going off of their feelings. The more you think of someone (good or bad), the more provoking the thoughts become which leads to the over abundance of feelings. People are totally captivated by those feelings, which leads and have led many into terrible relationships. Many have lost their lives in bad relationships.

I’ve written many posts about this very issue, but no matter how much people read, hear, or see, they will foolishly get into unhealthy relationships. Some people don’t learn or change, because they don’t want to. They continue to live unhappy lives while wondering why their lives are unhappy. Makes no sense, but it’s the way many choose to live. Everything we do is about choices. We all make them whether good or bad.

When a person gives and gives to the significant person in their life never getting anything in return, except headaches and heartaches; they teach their significant other exactly how to treat them. When a significant other takes and takes, they teach the other person how to be treated. People who are focused on the feel good feeling will only see what they want. They are blind to everything else to a point and time when they are forced to open their eyes to the truth. By this time they are more than likely in an unhealthy relationship. At this point many are afraid to leave and afraid to stay. The ONLY way to avoid unhealthy relationships is by NOT getting into them in the first place!

I keep telling people love isn’t blind, those who think they are in love are blind by their perceptions of love.

Another Senseless Killing

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Many of us have heard about the recent killing of a teacher by her husband of one month. He killed her and then killed himself. This man didn’t wake up deciding to kill her, he had thought about it for a while. I’ve written many posts about people ignoring the signs. It’s no joke, it’s real. People are losing their lives, because they are too caught up in their emotions and feelings to see the signs.

I heard the relatives of the deceased teacher say as soon as the couple were married they saw the true him. The relative stated the guy changed. I don’t believe it for one second. He made not have shown his true colors to her family, but I bet he showed them to her. I’m sorry, I just do not believe there aren’t signs of the truth. I believe there are always signs no matter how subtle. The man who went into the classroom to kill his wife had a violent past which included domestic violence (sign). If she knew, why would she get into a relationship with him? If she didn’t know, I’m sure signs showed his tendencies for violence; yet she still chose him.

As I’ve always said, a person can only fake for so long, the truth will always surface. Many abusers have a way of manipulating and coercing. They know how to deceive and make their victims believe they are sorry for what they did (UNTIL THE NEXT INCIDENT). Women have to stop ignoring the signs. An abuser knows what to say and what to do. They are fighting their own demons. They want to control and dominate their victims.

I talked with many people after getting out of bad relationships who all said when they look back they could see the signs, but at the time of going through they FAILED to see them. Too many people lose their lives, because they do not adhere to the signs.

I’ve said it before and will  continue to say it; if a person is afraid to leave a relationship they have stayed too long. If a person feels trapped, they have stayed too long. The ONLY way to avoid unhealthy relationships is by NOT getting into them in the first place. People must learn to see past their emotions. It doesn’t matter how good it feels a person must see past their feelings. If it’s not right, what made you laugh will surely eventually make you cry.

Women and men who allow their feelings to lead them in and out of bad relationships need to look inward. They are seeking something in others they don’t have in self; which is love. When a person really love his or herself  they WILL NOT allow their feelings to blind them. They will walk away from drama and unnecessary mess. They will not give their power to anyone else and they will adhere to the signs. They won’t have any problems with being alone until the right one comes along. They are NOT depending on anyone else to live or for love and happiness. If you’re not happy alone, you won’t be happy with someone else, because your issues compiled with their issues is a time bomb waiting to blow.

Some individuals have their on issues and because of their issues of insecurities, lack of esteem and confidence, not loving themselves amongst other things; they allow people into their lives who they THINK love them. They bring bad unhealthy people around their families putting them smack in harm’s way. They fall for any form of love to get some form of love. Unfortunately this has caused many women and men to lose their lives.

It’s great to be loved, but first you must know what love is and what it isn’t. It’s NEVER abusive, ever! The problem with some people is they become lost in their feelings. They dismiss the treatment they are receiving and the many signs present. They feel good sporadically but they don’t understand they’re in an unhealthy relationship. They allow those good feelings to make them oblivious to the truth! They believe they can change the person, they believe it won’t happen again, they dismiss family and friends telling them what they see, etc. etc. This all happens, because these individuals are blind to the truth and they want what they want; even when it’s no good for them.

Be careful and guard your hearts. Don’t allow people into your lives who will hurt you. Open your eyes to the truth. It’s great to be in love, it’s great to be loved, but make sure you know what love is and definitely what it isn’t. Make sure you aren’t seeking something in someone because of something you’re lacking or never had. If you are you may find yourself in bad relationships and oftentimes it’s a repeating cycle. These types of people have often been in similar relationships with similar type people. If a person plays roulette long enough in any aspect of their life, eventually the unfortunate happens. Many people don’t understand the things they harbor inside can lead them into making the worse decisions and choices ever! In many cases it has caused individual’s their lives. Open your eyes and see the truth for what it is, even if it means getting the heck out of a relationship before it gets any deeper.

 

 

 

 

If you Accept it you Chose it

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The post is written about people who are in relationships and accepting whatever in the name of what they think is love. Many people are in relationships never meant for them to be in. I’m currently working on a book about this. I know many before me have written on the topic and many will write about it when I’m long gone. I feel it’s time I put my opinion about it in writing. I pray someone somewhere will learn something.

It’s terrible to see people in bad relationships. Unfortunately and sadly it is a personal choice of freewill. Many people choose bad relationships due to their own insecurities derived from a host of unresolved issues. If an issue isn’t resolved it leads to other problems.

In my opinion and without a doubt people get into relationships and miss all of the important signs telling them to proceed with cautious or RUN! They think they have the power to change the other person when they can’t even change self. Does it make any sense???? First of all, if you feel it’s necessary to change someone else, then you’re at least somewhat aware there is potential for a problem to occur. Why move forward???? This is a sign straight from the start. Sadly many continue in their relationships knowing full well something isn’t right.

Sometimes I look at people and literally want to shake them to wake them up. They are caught up in their feelings about the other person and it has them totally blind. Many are disrespected, neglected, rejected, disconnected, and subjected to all kinds of things. They take and accept things from the ones they love that they themselves would never do to them.

Some people feel the person they’re with deserves the best from them, therefore they do any and everything to please the individual. However, in the midst of it they receive the worst from the individual. It makes no sense at all. Never choose to be mistreated. If you accept it, you chose it! There are no and’s, if’s, or but’s about it!

The best recommendation I can give in this situation is to STOP it before it STARTS! Too many find themselves in loveless, unhappy, and unhealthy relationships because they failed to adhere to the many signs in the beginning. Instead of treading the water they jumped right into the deep end without a clue how to swim. Later feeling pulled under and drowning due to their bad choices and decisions.

When you meet someone you’re interested in, before losing your mind, use your brain! How you start any relationship is indicative to how it will end. If you get with a person who is abusive they will certainly eventually beat you whether mentally, emotionally, or physically. If you get with a person who is already in a relationship with someone else he or she is a cheater and eventually they will cheat on you. If you get with a person who has no ambition or goals don’t expect for him or her to change, so don’t make it a problem later. If you get with a person who is into immoral things, when it becomes a problem later, remember you chose it. If you get with someone who’s beliefs are different from yours, it’s what you chose. You can’t save no one, but yourself. You can’t change no one but yourself. I can go on for days with examples.

Bottom line and the moral to it all is you can’t change ANYONE else. You may inspire someone to want to change, but the individual is the one who makes the change happen, NOT YOU! Many people have changed temporarily to get what they wanted and then reverted back to who they really are. Why? It’s because they aren’t ready for real change. It can’t be forced. If you’re struggling with trying to change someone else, the real struggle should be with changing yourself.

If you get into a relationship being led solely by what you’re thinking and feelings about the person and not looking at the big picture, I guarantee you that you will later regret it. Get out of your feelings and see the truth for what it is. Most times people are stuck on how they are feeling about the other person; dismissing what the other person’s actions are saying how they feel about them.

I Don’t Think I’m Better You Think I Am

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I’m sure many of us can relate to this. You have people in your lives who can’t embrace or love you because they feel you think you’re better than them. I think this is a sad state of mind. It happens within family relationships, friendships, and relationships with others.

It is my belief that when a person has to be fake with you, then they are fake, period! Many times a person doesn’t feel they are better because they have better, it is what it is. However, because in some folks heart of hearts they are jealous or envious to a degree; they allow how they feel to hinder how they treat you. It’s a pure shame!

People automatically assume you think you’re something when it’s farthest from the truth. Instead of people not liking you because you happen to have a little more than they have, they should figure out what’s wrong with them that’s allowing them to have the feelings they are having. It’s not your problem it’s there’s.

Many people have issues with individuals they know have achieved something when the opportunity is before us all in some way. It’s unfortunate some people can’t love you, because they are too filled with dissatisfaction concerning themselves. Instead of dealing with their own issues and reaching for the skies they can’t stand how other people chose to move forward.

Stop thinking people feel this way when they really don’t! I’ve seen many family members treat certain family members a particular way when they have a little more then them. They will either not really seem to care for the person because they are hating on them or they will gravitate towards the person trying to get what they can. People should love you for you being you and not for what you have. Any person doing otherwise has their own issues to contend with.

Yes; there are some people who achieve things and become boastful and arrogant. They act brand new (have their noses in the air). If you’re this type of person be careful, because the same way you got it, it can be gone. Lastly; you can’t take NOTHING with you when you leave this world. It’s very shallow to allow things (achievements regardless of what) to change you, because that’s all they are; things.

Speaking for myself; there is nothing I have or can obtain that will change me. I’m the same person regardless of what anyone thinks. In other words don’t allow how people treat you or what they think of you to hinder you. People will think what they think regardless. When you don’t give your power to them how they feel doesn’t affect you anyways!