Your Feelings Are In Your Way

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I talk about self love a lot. It is absolutely necessary, because without it people subject themselves to unnecessary drama. Most times their focus is seeking love at all cost. They are too blind to see the price is too high. When individuals don’t love self it obscures their view of love, because they don’t understand what it is. If a person doesn’t know what love is then they won’t know what love isn’t.

The reason people can’t see past their feelings is because their feelings is what is most important to them despite the hurt it causes. People who don’t love self are always led by their feelings. They seek what they want, which is never really what they need. They don’t understand there is a difference between the two.

If individuals would put as much energy into loving self as they do to being loved by someone their lives would be quite different. The truth hurts, but love shouldn’t ever hurt. The reason the truth hurts is because it strikes a cord. People don’t like it when their toes/feet are stepped on. It hurts! The truth is if you don’t love yourself trying to love someone else will only intensify and magnify your own issues. I’ve found that people try harder to fix and save the one they love versus dealing with their own issues. This does nothing but compile the issues of the significant other with their own; making an even bigger mess of things. This is an unhealthy relationship, but normally due to the inability to see past their feelings individuals fail to see this truth. They think they’re in love and because of it will go through all types of dsyfunction.

Most people are led by their feelings. They will do anything to be with who they want to be with despite the treatment they may encounter. People will always treat you exactly how you allow them to treat you. They will take you completely for granted if it’s what you allow. People don’t understand their worth or value when they don’t love self. All they care about is going after and getting who they want. This is because when you’re led by your feelings it prevents you from thinking clearly.

Many people find it difficult to love self because they often feel their not worthy. This mindset comes from previous experiences they never healed from. They seek all of the things they lack in self (love, security, confidence, strength, happiness, etc). It is all a part of their quest for love. It causes them to accept almost anything in their relationships.

Love starts with self. When a person learns to love self it opens their eyes to the truth. It teaches them to see past their feelings and emotions. It teaches them to use their brains to avoid bad relationships before they begin.

Love isn’t love if you first don’t love yourself. It’s not love when it’s unhealthy, when it’s forced, when it’s based solely on feelings, when its abusive in any manner, when it’s possessive-obsessive, or controlling, etc. Unfortunately individuals who are led by their feelings won’t understand this truth. They only see what they want until it’s too late.

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Anything To Get You

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Millions of people are seeking love and many other things from others, which often leaves them more broken than before. What people fail to understand is there are just as many people out there who are also broken and they happen to be the individuals hurt people are getting with. Hurt people are getting into relationships with other hurt people, because both parties are seeking something they desire or want. It all leads to more dysfunction and chaos.

Sometimes a person is legitimately honest about how they feel, BUT those feelings comes from brokenness therefore those feelings often leads people into bad situations and relationships. It often leads them into relationships with other broken people who haven’t dealt with their inner issues as well. Those individuals sometimes have entirely different agendas due to anger, bitterness, jealousy, envy, etc

When a person lacks self esteem and confidence it puts them in a vulnerable state of mind where they are often misused, abused, and taken for granted. Believe it or not another person can tell if you’re vulnerable by how you allow certain things to happen. They can tell by how you go along with things and by what you accept. You show them who you are by how you act. They know you’re led by your feelings and emotions therefore it’s exactly what they will play on.

Unfortunately some people are too blind to see this truth. They are focused on what they desire and want until their feelings override their ability to see the truth. Many people find themselves in unhealthy relationships over and over yet they never break the cycle. They can read a million books, blogs, go to therapy, see or hear about unhealthy relationships, yet they still gravitate towards one. Why? It’s because of what’s inside of self.

You can’t grow and remain where you are. Growth brings about change. Many people believe since they are older they are mature. It’s not true! Some people stunt their growth by their inability to move past bad events and experiences. They’re stagnated by their own mental states. All of it comes from a bad place within. It’s a bad place because it’s where unresolved issues dwell. If people don’t deal with their issues they’re carried for a lifetime. Those things affect all aspects of a person’s life.

When individuals fall in what they think is love they normally move according to how they feel, what they want, and desire. They believe whatever is told to them, because they can’t see the truth. They can’t see they are being groomed and woo’ed into submission. They hear and see what they want. Everyone around can see the truth except the individual going through it. They only get enough from their significant others to be reeled in. They are like bait on a fishing pole!

People think it’s love when they are told by their significant others what to wear, where they can and can’t go, who they can be around, etc. They make themselves available 24/7, but they don’t have availability to the other person. They think it’s love when the other person constantly calls or texts them. They think it’s love when the other person only wants them around him or her. When people are led by their feelings they are led by the heart alone. The only way to see what’s in front of you is the heart and mind must be synced. People don’t get to this point without first truly loving self and knowing happiness starts within self.

Sometimes a person would rather have something versus nothing at all. Sad part is what they allude to as something is actually nothing at all. They want it so badly they actually think it’s true love. People accept all types of shenanigans in the name of love. They are blind to the truth despite the truth staring them in the face. This leads to drama, heartbreak, chaos, and dysfunction.

I talk and write about self love and relationships all of the time. My goal is to help someone to understand much of the problems they face in their relationships are due to self. You can’t force anyone to love you nor can you buy love. A person will do and say all of the right things to get you. At the end of the day they’ll always revert to who they really are. Sadly those who are caught up in their feelings will ignore what they see. When you don’t love yourself it prevents you from seeing what you need to see. People put you in positions they want you to be, because they see you’re easily led and your eagerness to be loved. They lead you right where you let them.

No matter what’s going on in your relationship never allow anyone to lay a foundation only you should lay. What I mean by this is when you love yourself you see others for who they are. You see lies and shenanigans from afar. Although you have feelings and emotions you keep them in check. You learn everything that looks good isn’t good for you. You realize looks, money, status, titles, things, etc isn’t what relationships should be based on. Those things don’t keep relationships together. Loving self means you will not put up with any ole thing just to say you have something. Most importantly you won’t fall for tickling of your ears or honeycomb words. You will see the signs and the truth when it stares you in your face.

Life Keeps On Rolling

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Sometimes you lose a loved one through death, breakup, or divorce, sometimes you refuse to let go of someone who doesn’t want you; sometimes they die, but you refuse to move on, sometimes although abused and controlled by someone due to inner issues you stay; sometimes despite it being the wrong person and wrong situation you still proceed, etc. I can go on and on. No matter the situation when a person can’t live without another person it’s time to look inward.

Regardless of what; a person must be able to move on. When a person can’t move on there is something inside blocking their ability to do so. Those who cannot move forward has other issues that has caused this inability. Most often this inability occurred long before the relationship.

There are far too many people who depend on their significant others or oftentimes other people and when they are no longer there they aren’t able to function. There have been some people so devastated they take their own lives or at least contemplate it. There are some people who fall into depression because they can’t move on. Then you have those who can’t deal with rejection and they will take the life of the person who they supposedly love/ed.

The first problem is giving your power to others. Depending on others for your happiness is the wrong choice for anyone to make. I think it’s a bad decision to sit back while your life is controlled by someone else. I don’t care who they are, how long you been together, or anything else! It’s foolish! I know people who had losses due to death and they are absolutely dysfunctional. They don’t know how to do anything on their own, because they gave all of the control to their significant other who has now passed away.

Some people give their power because they think it will make their relationships work, they think it’s love. Other times it’s because they have been bamboolzed by someone whose intent is to lure you into giving up control. It’s done subtly and because of it people don’t realize they’re controlled until it’s too late. I’ve spoken to people who are controlled like animals but they still refuse to move on, instead they stay. All of it is due to unresolved inner issues.

If you allow yourself to be controlled you have a problem. You have inside issues affecting your ability to make good decisions and choices. If you’re a person who is doing the controlling, the same goes for you. It’s a big problem whether it’s the taker or the giver. Inner issues must be dealt with in order for people to heal and receive the strength they need to grow and move forward.

A lot of people feel comfortable given their power to others. They think it’s a form of showing love. I will say again this is a bad choice any way you look at it. People treat you how you allow. If you solely depend on someone then how you’re treated is what you’ve allowed. You lay the foundation whether it leads to being controlled, abused, or whatever)! You’re your own problem! One thing you can count on is if you give your power it will be taken.

It’s okay to grieve; whether it’s because someone died or because of a separation or divorce. However, if you can’t function because of it then it is a problem. If you don’t know how to let go you’re your own problem. Life stops for no one, it keeps right on rolling. Those who won’t move on only causes self more unnecessary issues. The fixing starts within. No one can do it for you, only you can do it. People need to work on self before entering into relationships. Show me an unhealthy relationship I’ll show you unhealthy people. Period!

There are a lot of people who think they love self, but their decisions and choices tell the truth! Most have no clue of what love is yet they seek it with passion. People do many things due to brokenness. They don’t deal with past issues in order to heal, grow, and make better choices and decisions. Things won’t change until they do. When you heal it means growth has taken place. However, it cannot happen if people continue to go through the same things over and over never making change an option! These days and times people accept how they are as if it’s how they’re supposed to be; when it’s not! Instead of seeking better they resist change, willfully choosing their unhealthy cycles. They keep finding themselves in the same situations over and over. This will always happen until the discovery of self love is made.

People don’t understand what they do to self when they give others power and control over them. It can be very debilitating, crippling, and sometimes deadly. I’ve seen it time and time again. If I haven’t seen it I’ve at least heard of it. It’s not love! It’s not love for yourself or the other person. People will do to you what you allow. Learn to move on!

The majority of people are afraid to be alone or afraid to start over. Oftentimes it’s both! It’s sad when people don’t realize when they love self the rest doesn’t matter. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying being with someone can’t be a good thing. It can!!! I am saying if its over it’s over! If you love yourself you will understand, but if you’ve given away your power this truth is hard to embrace.

If you’re going to love someone start with yourself! In loving yourself it allows you to see what’s in your face. It allows you to understand your power and control belongs to you and no matter who; you won’t give it away. It allows you the ability to move on with your life if people die or if a breakup occurs. It’s not selfish to love yourself. It’s absolutely necessary!

Power Given is Always Taken

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I was recently talking to a group of people and it never ceases to amaze me the things people are going through. Most of what people go through they’ve actually caused by allowing it in their lives. You, me, nor anyone else when in a relationship has to take anything you don’t want to take from another person. Without a doubt people will always get what they allow.

There are many people who will take anything from someone in the name of their versions of love. The people I was talking to are actually allowing their significant others to control them. They have gotten into their relationships and lost self, because self was never priority. They think it’s love to relinquish their control and power to the individual’s they are with. This way of thinking is definitely caused by some type of brokenness.

As I’ve always stated, people who don’t heal from their issues which has caused their brokenness will continue to affected by what lies within. What’s inside is always stronger, therefore it interferes with what’s happening outside. It affects all facets of an individual’s life.

Being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want you is a horrible one to be in. Being in a relationship and in love by yourself is no love at all. Being in a relationship with someone who’s cheating on you, abusive to you, disrespecting you, controlling you, manipulating you, isn’t communicating with you, their only taking from you, etc. etc, is a terrible relationship to be in and it’s NOT love! Love has nothing to do with it!

People seek love in others when they don’t love self, which causes further discord in their lives. They give up their freewill and therefore are subjected to ill behaviors at the hands of those who claim to love them. Significant others mistreat who they’re with because they know it’s allowed.

No one has power and control over you in a relationship unless it’s the foundation you’ve laid. If you don’t think you’re deserving of real love you will never have it, because you won’t know it when it comes. True love starts with loving self. People who mistreat their significant others are people who have their own issues. What’s in you is always coming out!

Allowing your significant other to control you says a lot about your confidence and esteem. Many people who are going through it don’t believe it, it’s still true. It’s a great indication you should re-examine yourself because something is most definitely wrong. Not only with you, but also with the one you think you love.

You must learn to love yourself first. Loving yourself teaches you about yourself and it teaches you about others as well. You become careful of who you allow in your life. You’ll know your power belongs to you and no one else. You will know you never have to lose yourself to be with someone. You will learn that to love someone doesn’t mean losing self. You will know love isn’t controlling, obsessive, abusive, or possessive. You won’t settle and you learn spending time with yourself is awesome!

To anyone who’s dealing with this type of relationship; it will always be the same unless you decide changing is the only option. Find yourself through self love. Deal with your issues so you can heal from them. This will change your mindset and your life!

False Teachings and Part-time Relationships

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I heard a very famous radio host talking last weekend and it sickened me the false information he was giving. One thing I have learnt is if you’re well known you can say “boo” and people will latch on, like it, love it, etc; all because the person is famous or well known. I think it’s the dumbest and most shallow thing people do. We see it all of the time. A well known person gets to speak at graduations, in the schools, on TV etc. They get all of these different platforms simply because they are well known. This doesn’t mean they know what they are talking about. I’ve seen and heard it a million times.

Okay, back to the reason for this post. This radio host was telling the listening audience they need a relationship with God. He said it doesn’t matter what they are doing in their lives they need a relationship with God. He went on to say how he’s off the mark, etc, but he still has a relationship with God.

I don’t care who you are or who you think you are. You can’t do whatever you want and think God is okay with it. If you think because you reference God in your speaking or you say God every now and then it’s cool and you’re on His side you are dead wrong! Throwing God the Father and His Son Jesus in your conversations every now and then doesn’t mean you’re living for Him or that you have a relationship with Him.

If your relationship with Jesus isn’t personal and 24/7 then you don’t really have one. A relationship with Him should always be personal and constant. It means changed ways! If a person truly loves Him then the person will live for Him. You’re either in or out. I don’t care what you THINK; there are only 2 options (for Him or against Him). As Saints of God we MUST turn from our old ways. We can’t be a lukewarm, double minded person, thinking it’s all good with the Lord. We can’t serve Him when we want to be see by others yet lifestyles are against Him. As Saints it isn’t part time, it’s a full time position. Those who try to do it part time are only fooling self. Part time means you’re lukewarm. I won’t apologize for the truth!

People can follow up behind folks who are leading them wrong and find themselves in hell right along with those folks. You must have a relationship with Jesus, because you can’t get to the Father unless you go through His Son Jesus. Jesus made it possible for the Holy Spirit to be with us leading and guiding our steps. This can’t happen when people are choosing their own paths and aren’t willing to give up their old ways. Individuals who serve Him part time are at risk of losing their souls. They are at risk of hell!

Knowing about Jesus and knowing Jesus are two different things. Many people know of him due to being taught by parents, friends, loved ones, and others, but to have a personal relationship is different. It means you know Him! A person MUST love Him and if you love Him you will live for Him, this nurtures the relationship daily. It helps a person to move from milk to meat!

A person can have a relationship with anyone, it doesn’t mean it’s personal and it doesn’t mean you love the individual. This is the relationship many have with Jesus; which isn’t truly a relationship. To have a true relationship with God the Father and His Son Jesus it must be because of the love you have for them. It must be personal, constant, and intentional. To live for Him means you have become a new creature. Those who do it part time find they fall for anything and they are easily enticed, persuaded, brainwashed, etc to do as the world do. They conform easily to the ways of the world. They have their eyes on man and not on Jesus! They go along to get along and they shut up instead of standing up. This way of living puts people at risk for hell!

People live all of their lives in and out of relationships, yet they don’t try to truly develop that relationship with Jesus, because they don’t want to give up their old ways. They are people pleasers and are not trying to please the Father which art in Heaven!

What you do is up to you! What anyone does is up to the individual, however, as well known individuals or leaders in general please stop giving wrong information to others. If you don’t want to give up the world then that is on you, but don’t try to persuade others to be like you! There is absolutely no comprising when serving the Father and the Son!

You Created Your Drama

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People are getting into relationships with folks who are already in relationship and snapping because it’s not going how they wanted. How can you think anything good is going to come out of your wrong doings? People must learn to see past their feelings; when they can’t what’s inside will always show up outside.

People are murdering folks or harming them in different ways, because they can’t deal with the drama they willfully got into. You can’t get with someone else’s significant other and get upset with the fact they won’t give you what you’re seeking. You can’t get mad because they won’t leave who they are with for you. It’s very foolish for people to subject themselves to such nonsense.

Recently a lady killed a man over this. He was a pastor (at least that is what his title was). She shot and killed him and wounded his wife. Her words to him was “you hurt me.” Go figure! You will always end up in a circle of drama when you subject yourself into situations such as this one. People do to you what you allow.

Until individuals learn to love self they will never be able to see past their feelings and emotions. They will continue to involve themselves in bad and unhealthy situations.

A person should never want what someone else has or who someone else has. If an individual wants to cheat with you, then you should tell them NO! Unfortunately too many people seek happiness in other individuals no matter the consequences. These people some of you involve yourselves with are not happy inside of self and this is why they are cheating in the first place.

If a person tries to form a relationship with you and they are already in a relationship this is the first indication they are NOT someone you should become involved with. If they are cheating on who they are with they will cheat on you. If they don’t respect who they are with, they won’t respect you. You will always be the side piece (male or female).

One thing I’ve learnt in dealing with people is how they make themselves available to a cheater. They put their life on the back burner to try and please the cheater, not understanding the cheater is always going home or wherever to the one they are with. You will always be the side piece. Don’t settle for this type of relationship.

The only thing will change a person is change itself. No one can change if they are not in the mindset to change. You can’t get into the mindset until you deal with the man/woman in the mirror. People must stop looking to other people and start looking inward. You’re your worst problem! You’re your worst enemy. Not the other person or other people, but you yourself. Until people face self drama is exactly what they will allow in their lives. No amount of money, title, status, position, or anything else will change this fact!

You don’t know love until you learn to love yourself first!

I Do Everything

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Yeah???? That is the problem, you do everything! Some people fall in love too quick. They are too eager or desperate for love and they are being led by their feelings. Too many people are in one-sided relationships, they complain yet it’s their own fault they are allowing it. Some people feel if they love a person hard enough they will love them back or do right by them. Not so! They further believe if they make it all about the individual they will love them back, but it simply doesn’t work like that!

There are many people in relationships who give everything they have yet it’s not enough to make someone love them or want to be with them. They get upset because they realize the relationship is one-sided. They don’t understand why the person won’t do right by them. They don’t get why the person don’t love them like they want them too.

Okay, if this is you and your relationship is at this point then you should know it’s really not about the other person, you should be looking at yourself. You can’t expect someone else to change, you must seek change in yourself. If a person truly love you then you don’t have to buy their love, you don’t have to be the one who does everything in the relationship. If they love you they will do their part and your relationship will NOT be one-sided.

Far too many people are in one-sided relationships, but it’s because a one-sided relationship is what they formed with the person and what they accepted. You simply can’t make someone feel as you do or even feel anything at all for you. If you want to be in love by yourself they will let you, because you won’t change them.

Many people waste years being in these types of relationships. They try their hardest to be the best they can for the person they love, yet it gets them nowhere but in a one-sided relationship; sad and lonely. I’ve seen it time and time again.

As I’ve written and stated a million times, learn to love you first. If people learn to love self they will send someone who doesn’t love them right on down the road. A person who loves self will not tolerate this in their relationship. They will understand it takes two people to have a loving and happy relationship. Many people are in love, but unfortunately they are in love by themselves. These are the types of relationships no one should want to be in.