In Control or Controlled

Standard

I’m referencing people who allow themselves to be controlled by anyone or anything. I can take the truth, because the truth never changes. I would rather be hurt by the truth then a lie. A lot of people don’t want the truth. They say they do, but they don’t. Many people find it difficult to accept the truth because it will normally mean there’s something wrong they need to right.

Anything that has a person tied and tangled up has control over them. If something or someone controls you it means you don’t have any control over self. People shouldn’t give their power to nothing or no one!

This world has many people who are in bad situations because they are controlled by something or someone. For instance when we see people commit terrible acts. They’ve thought on it for a while until they’ve given power to those thoughts. Then the feelings are developed, afterwards the act is committed. They allowed themselves to be controlled to the point of consumption by their thoughts due to the power they gave them. Everything starts with a thought, feelings, then actions. The difference is when people are in tune with self and love self, they are not allowing themselves to be consumed by any negativity. They will dismiss it no matter what or who.

People who allow themselves to be controlled are people who have unresolved issues. The many unresolved issues causes much chaos in their lives. I know some people are thinking “everyone has issues.” Listen, I agreed. However, the difference is are you controlling those things or are they controlling you? That is the big difference! Yes, we all deal with this or that, but how we allow it to affect our lives makes the difference.

You may disagree, but I know it’s fact. Individuals who are allowing those issues to control their lives are people who haven’t healed. They are carrying around their baggage day in and day out. It’s affecting their relationships, decisions, choices, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It leads them to making bad relationship choices (getting with people for the wrong reasons (sex, looks, what they have, who they are, the position they hold, titles, trying to save/fix other broken people when you are also broken, etc). It leads them to getting with the wrong people (already in a relationship, married, underage, abusive, slothful no ambition, etc, etc). It keeps them in abusive relationships, controlling, obsessive, possessive, etc). It keeps people chasing after the flesh (in all kinds of ways = sex, money, fame, becoming addicts (sex, money, drugs, alcohol, fetishes, etc). It leads people into doing unthinkable things such as commit murder or suicide, road rage, etc; because they are emotional, angry, bitter, confused, hurt, etc. etc). They haven’t dealt with their issues and they don’t love self. What many people fail to understand the more they add to their already problematic lives the worst things become. It’s hard to deal with new issues you’ve adopted when you haven’t yet dealt with the old ones.

People must heal and learn to love self. If people don’t get past their pains they can never move forward to become healthy minded and properly functioning individuals. Their lives will continue to be on auto repeat. They will keep making the same mistakes with similar but different people. They will continue to look for things in others they don’t even possess within self. Their relationships won’t work. Their relationships may continue, but they aren’t healthy. People are in loveless relationships and are lonely as can be. People are staying with people who don’t love them and people they don’t love, because their seeking something in others.

I can go on and on about it. The reason individuals are controlled by other people and/or things is because #1 they haven’t healed from their pasts and #2 they do not love self. You can’t have one without the other! It leaves people lacking esteem, confidence, having trust issues, not knowing how to show affection, not knowing how to communicate effectively, depending on others, seeking security, seeking love, etc.

People are very quick to blame things such as alcohol, drugs, etc for their problems. No, no, no! Those things may amplify, magnify, or intensify problems, but something happened to cause a person to begin those things in the first place. Whatever it was/is; it is where the problem truly lies. Truth is people hurt themselves by becoming addicted to those and other things. Alcohol and drugs affects the mind, body, and soul of individuals who are controlled by it. Some people think because they are functioning addicts they aren’t addicts. Wrong! Anything you can’t do without has power and control over you! People can’t gain control until they heal self and love self. A person can pretend all day and they can put on a smile, but it doesn’t fix their issues. Pretending keeps people right where they are!

People who are harboring their own issues haven’t learned how to love self. They will take whatever to be with someone. They are influenced, manipulated, coerced, and persuaded to do things they don’t want to do. They go along to get along. They get involved with things to have a sense of belonging. They put up with ridiculousness and they take disrespect and mistreatment on all levels. It’s because they haven’t healed and they don’t love self. A person who loves his or herself cares about their own well being. They are careful as to what they get involved with, who they are involved with, and how they allow anyone to treat them.

Advertisements

Food for Thought on Happiness

Standard

If you’re depending on anyone or anything to make you happy, then you’re in an unhealthy state of mind. When you put your happiness in the hands of another person they will always disappoint you. They will treat you any way they choose, because they know you will take it. There’s no way in this world a person should give this type of power to anyone or anything. If you do trust and believe it’s ONLY temporary! Happiness has to come from within you. Far too many people have given their power to others to determine their happiness. This is why many people find themselves lost, hurt, and confused when people walk away, mistreat them, or die.

Other people can add to your happiness, but they definitely can’t be the source of your happiness. If you’re an unhappy person, you will still be unhappy with someone else. You may have moments of happiness, but it won’t last if you’re unhappy within yourself.

When individuals base their happiness on other people they are setting themselves up to be let down. A lot of times individual’s put all their faith in other people when those very people have their own issues to deal with. It leads to even more unhappiness! The blind leading the blind! It opens a person up for even more chaos in their life. An unhappy person can’t make you happy and if you’re unhappy no one can make you happy!

Happiness must first come from within you, the individual! If it do not this is a problem from the start! Allowing yourself to be dependent on someone else or something for your happiness is a terrible situation to be in. People have their own issues, therefore it’s too much dealing with their own issues and taking on those of others. Trying to seek happiness when you’re unhappy is a losing battle. You will be let down over and over. People will treat you exactly how you treat yourself.

One thing I have learned in life is people with unresolved issues get into relationships with like minded people. Their relationships are unhappy and chaotic because no one knows how to love self or knows how to communicate.

You can’t purchase happiness and you can’t find it in someone else. You must first possess it yourself? Either you’re happy or you’re not! You already know whether you are or not! This is one reason many people can’t stand being alone, because they are unhappy with who they are. They go seeking something in someone else they don’t have in self. It will NEVER last, it will NEVER work!

As mentioned earlier a person may feel happy for a moment, but for them it will come intermittently, because you can’t make an unhappy person happy unless they choose to be. They have to change their mindset, period! Change how you think it changes your life!

Comfortable in Uncomfortable Situations

Standard

I believe this is a major stumbling block for many. We will all have obstacles thrown in our paths by life in general. Many people make them into stumbling blocks instead of the stepping stones they are meant to be. People become stuck in their ways due to their pasts and fears. Their wrong ways of thinking affects how they feel and act. It causes debilitation and dysfunction. People are too comfortable with their uncomfortable ways of living. They complain, cry, and act out; yet they do nothing to change their situations.

So many are choosing the victim mentality. No matter what, people don’t have to live as victims. No one said life was a bed of pretty roses. Things are thrown at us from everywhere, but regardless of this truth, people still have a choice as to how they deal with those issues. Most problems for the individual is individual his or herself. Individuals cause themselves many unnecessary problems by getting into bad situations, bad relationships, and dealing with bad people. They make many bad decisions, because they are in bad places mentally. They don’t change, because they are comfortable and familiar with their situations despite the pain it causes to them and those around them.

You know when something is not right or right for you. Choosing to be involved with something or someone knowing it is or could potentially be a problem means you’re willfully choosing to do something you shouldn’t do! There are always consequences for what we do. Negative ways of thinking causes many people to make bad choices and decisions. People water things down by calling them mistakes. Truth is mistakes aren’t made nearly as much as bad choices and decisions! Don’t EVER go along with wrong to belong or to get along!

If you are trying to hide what you do in any form, then you know it’s wrong! I don’t care what IT is! Yet, many people do it and afterwards have to suffer great repercussions due to their actions they didn’t have to be involved with from the start. People get comfortable with this way of living.

The false perception of love messes a lot of people up. People try to find love when they don’t first love self. Many repeatedly make bad choices and decisions in the name of what they think is love. Trying to love someone who doesn’t love you, trying to be in a relationship with someone else when you’re already in a relationship or the person you’re trying to be in a relationship is in one already, loving someone who loves someone else, being with someone for material things, being with someone for titles or positions, being with someone because of family/friends, or a child. Being with someone who is showing you they are abusive, untrustworthy, controlling, possessive, or obsessive, etc. I can go on and on, but I hope you get the point. You know these things are wrong from the start, why do them or why get into these types of relationships? People cause their own problems on top of the obvious issues they have inside.

People are comfortable with how they are; some are content with it while others aren’t. The problem is either way, most do nothing about it. People are comfortable with their past pains. No matter how hurt they are and destructive their lives are they are comfortable in their uncomfortable situations. They don’t attempt to move forward. They stay stuck where they are. Their lives are like revolving doors year in and year out. They don’t learn from their lessons in life, they keep repeating the same cycles. This is being comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. They wonder why, why, why. I will tell you why. It’s you, you, you! You’re your own problem, because people who are this way don’t try to change their lives. They keep holding on to their pasts experiences as if they don’t have a future. The future is coming for us all, but many are stuck in their past experiences. They get too comfortable despite the chaos it brings to their lives. They give too much power to their pasts, to people, and things. No one on earth can mature and move forward in life stuck in this mind set. As their future approaches they continue to sabotage their possibilities, because they are stuck in wrong and negative ways of thinking

You are not your parents; it doesn’t matter if you look like or act like them. You aren’t what people say you are UNLESS you believe you are and if you do, it alone shows you don’t love yourself; you believe what is said about you. You don’t have to let people cross your personal boundaries, I don’t care who they are. You don’t have to let others put limits on your dreams and goals; they belong to you and you’re the ONLY one who should dictate what it is you choose to do. Most times people show you who they want you to see until the real deal surfaces. What’s inside is more powerful and it will always surface in some form or another. Don’t get comfortable in faking and pretending; you will NEVER grow this way. Learn to love yourself then you won’t have to pretend. People won’t understand your growth and some won’t accept it. It’s okay, it’s not about them! Don’t allow it to stunt your growth!

If people don’t want you in their life, keep it moving. Life will go on with or without you! Never kiss anyone’s butt to get them to love you or to get from point A to B. Know without doubt people will look you in the face and stab you in the back at the same time. They will tell you one thing and do another. They will hate on you, be envious, spiteful, jealous, etc. It’s because they don’t like what they are lacking. They waste time and energy with negative feelings about other people when they should put the time and energy into changing their lives. They have allowed people, things and life to hold them back, so they project their pains on other people who chose to move forward in life. Don’t allow these people to stop or block your growth! They will if you allow.

Don’t allow the troubles in life to keep you stagnant. Trouble will come, but it will also go. Learn from everything and allow nothing to make you feel you’re not capable of progressing in life. The power is in your hands to do so. If you give it away, you lose control. Never be comfortable in uncomfortable situations you DO NOT have to be in!

Unfaithful Accept it or Not

Standard

You know it’s going on long before you act or react to it. A lot of people try to force something that shouldn’t be. They try to make people love them or want to stay when in reality you can’t. Unfortunately some people want to have a blind eye to the truth, it doesn’t make it any different. The truth is the truth. People can choose to do something about it or do nothing at all. Doing nothing at all is still doing something!

Life goes on! You can’t make a person stay or love you. If a person wants out open the door for them. If a person chooses to keep straying lock the door behind them when they go and don’t open it again. I’m not telling anyone to give up on their relationship. What I am saying is when in a relationship if you’re in a constant negative stay of mind it’s time to reexamine your relationship and yourself. When you no longer have any intimacy for your significant other it’s time to reassess. When you’re constantly arguing and fighting, it may be time to move on. If you have no peace of mind, it messes you up mentally, physically, and spiritually. When a person can’t stay faithful to you, then you learn to be faithful to yourself and send them down the road. People treat you how you let them treat you! No excuses!

MEN: Men who cheat almost never fail to show their hand. They simply lose their minds over someone new. They begin to do things they didn’t do before. They become bitter towards who they are with. They treat the one they supposed to love with disrespect and hatefulness. They dismiss the feelings and concerns of the one they are with. They always find an excuse to start an argument or to leave. They do stupid things, period!

Although responsible in some ways some men are still immature. These types of men are different, they are never satisfied with who they are with no matter how good. They want what they want without fully comprehending the risks. They normally try to control the one they are with even though they are out doing their thing. They don’t think things through, they simply go for what they want! They fail to realize the hurt and chaos they will cause. They are more interested in satisfying their flesh. Mature men, understand the risk and choose to be mature men to who they are with.

Maturity doesn’t necessarily come with age. Some people take a lot longer to mature. No matter how old some people are they are still led by their flesh. It’s sad! If a person don’t want to be committed in their relationship then they shouldn’t be in one. They should not be in any relationship until they deal with what’s causing them to be the way they are. Those who get into relationships do nothing but cause drama.

Individual’s who are constantly trying to be with other people when they are already in relationships don’t fully love self. If you don’t really love you, you can’t love someone else the way they deserve. These individual’s will always put aside what is right and wholesome to satisfy their flesh. Many people are making bad choices and decisions based on who they really are. What’s going on inside ruins what’s going on outside!

WOMEN: When a woman is with someone she will do all she can to make it work, but if there is no change her attitude will change and then her feelings and actions follow. If she meets someone who an thinks he’s given her what she’s not getting at home some women will stray. Some women will get so fed up they will leave. I thinks it’s wrong to stray or to leave one person for another. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side! Women show their hands too. They begin to stop doing the things they used to do. They find excuses also, they’ll do anything to get away from who they are with.

A lot of the problem with people is many get into relationships for all of the wrong reason. Most times when it’s wrong, the same way it started will normally be how it ends. You can’t expect to get into a relationship the wrong way and something great come from it. Most times it won’t work!

If you can’t love who you’re with, then perhaps you need to move on. Trying to stay where you’re not loved and respected is hard. Staying with someone when you are always straying is wrong. If you’re not happy with who you’re with why stay? I know for many people straying has nothing to do with who they are with, it has everything to do what’s going on inside of self that causes them to be who they are. At the end of the day I don’t care the reason, if a person can’t be faithful, they definitely shouldn’t be in a relationship. Many people in this world miss out on good relationships, because they are hanging on to bad ones!

Going Against the Grain Despite the Signs

Standard

Many people get into relationships knowing full well they see the signs present. Problem is they choose to ignore the signs until they are overwhelmed, overtaken, and consumed emotionally. People willfully put themselves in bad situations expecting good results. It doesn’t work! They go into relationships blindly allowing emotions and feelings to lead.

People who do this has issues they need to resolve. No one can see clearly when they are blind by their feelings and emotions. People who do this oftentimes find themselves in situations they didn’t imagine being in.

Significant others know exactly how to treat the people they are with, because they are taught by those individuals. Significant others who haven’t overcome their own issues will bring their issues into the relationship. Then you have two individuals who are both blind by their feelings and emotions. This leads to destruction. There’s no true ability to communicate when communication is the key to any relationship.

It’s hard to understand what you need when you’re hell bound on getting what you want. Many times people get what they wanted only to find out they don’t want it at all.

I can’t tell people enough the importance of knowing and loving yourself. It’s very important in relationships. A true healthy relationship starts with self. Knowing who you are, being self aware, and loving self helps keep you focused and smart about what you really need. You learn to see beyond emotions and feelings. When you figure you out, people will then sometimes have a problem with you, because they have problems with self. They expect for you to be the way you used to be.

My suggestion to people is to figure self out. Learn to love yourself before you try to commit to and love someone else. Take time to enjoy you. Some people jump from relationship to relationship, because they don’t know how to be alone. I’ve seen it time and time again. People from all walks and caliber of life do this. A lot of times people think folks with a lot of money do things differently. This may be true as for buying things, going places, etc, but as for relationships, many are dealing with the same types of issues. Nothing changes what’s inside, but change itself. Money, fame, fortunate, titles, will not do it. What’s inside is always shown through bad choices and decisions and it doesn’t matter who the individual is or what they have. What a person thinks and feels about self is shown through their choices and decisions. In life they will go against the grain, because they think it’s best for them when it’s not!

Some people don’t care how plain the writing is on the wall to others because they can’t see the writing on the wall for self. They go against the grain out of the love they think they feel. For many it has caused great stress and for some their lives. The signs do not lie! They will present every time, but people ignore them due to their feelings. They think they love the person and they feel they got to have the person. Then they begin to see the chaos and drama in their lives.

Some people don’t attempt to get out of unhealthy relationships, because they are afraid. They are afraid to stand on their own two feet. They are afraid of the person. They are afraid of how they will make it. If you’re afraid for any reason you’re in the WRONG relationship!

No one can give what a relationship deserves when they haven’t yet learned to love self and are not self aware. They will always be led by how they feel, because it will over power everything else making them look at things in a distorted view. People will use and abuse you, because they know you will take it. You teach your significant other exactly how to treat you! If you keep making the same types of decisions and choices it’s a clear sign you’re not learning from your experiences!

Loving to the Point of Losing Yourself

Standard

Some people may not admit it, but I know a lot of people find themselves in this type of situation. It is unhealthy! If you lose yourself in someone the only reason a person does this is because they’ve never really found self. People who don’t know the difference between wants and needs are people who don’t know what’s right for them. Oftentimes they are people who don’t understand what love is and what it isn’t. They seek love in all the wrong ways, with all the wrong people, and wrong the places. They end up in unhealthy and sometimes downright dangerous relationships.

I’ve met a tremendous amount of people who have told me they were deep into their significant other until they lost sight of who they were. Some went off into the deep end doing things they never wanted to do and acting ways out of the norm only to appease their significant other. Many people get lost trying to save or fix their significant others. If you’re trying to save or fix someone then it’s obvious you have things to work out within yourself.

Many individuals give up their hopes and dreams to help their significant others to obtain theirs. Nothing is wrong with supporting your significant other, but you should never give up your dreams to do so. There are many people who end up separating after their significant others has obtained their goals and the person left behind feels lost and brokenhearted. It’s what you signed up for, because you can change your situation anytime you choose!

I’ve written and said many times a person can definitely lose self trying to be in an unhealthy relationship with someone else. There are many people who seek love from others, yet they don’t love self. What sense does that make? They look pass all the signs of potential problems because they are led by their feelings and emotions. They are dead set on trying to fix or save the one they are with. People have lost their sanity and health trying to make it work with toxic and broken individuals. It compiles their own problems with the problems of their significant other. If you find yourself in this type of relationship re-examine yourself by looking inward to figure out why you’re putting yourself through it. You can’t fix or save anyone, especially if they’re not ready to change!

A person who loves self will not tolerate any unnecessary chaos or discord in their lives. They love self enough to walk away from people who bring toxicity and negativity their way. They look past looks, material things, statuses, etc. They understand a peaceful mind is priceless! They aren’t trying to save, fix, teach, or raise no adult! People will be treated how allowed. If you take crap, crap is what you will get! Period!

You can’t make a person want to change no matter how much you love them. People have to want to change their negative states of mind. They must want to become better individuals NOT because of you, but because it’s what they need in their life with or without you! Individual’s who change for other people will most likely revert back to who they really are once they’ve gotten comfortable enough in the relationship. The signs will be present, but unfortunately the person who is busy and fixated on trying to save or fix misses the signs until they become drained and overwhelmed with it all.

The greatest teacher in my life has been experience. Ooooweee! There are some things I am so thankful I went through, because it taught me never EVER do it again. I learn from everything. I know a lot of people don’t, they keep going through the same things with the same types of people. It’s because they aren’t ready to change. You need to change from the person who is always trying to fix and save just as much as the person you’re trying to save or fix. If not you will always continue to have chaos in your life and relationships!

When you continue to accept discord and chaos stop pointing the finger. The other person may very well be a part of the problem, but you’re the biggest problem, because no one can dictate your life unless you allow. If you allow chaos and discord, guess what? You will get it! Don’t allow anyone to cause you to stress out to the point of losing your mind and health. People end up on psychotropic medications due to stress, anxiety, depression, fear, hopelessness, etc, etc. This happens because people lose self in trying to love someone healthy. You can’t do it anyways, but especially when you’re in an unhealthy state of mind yourself. People must want to change, be willing to change, and put in the time and effort to do so! You can’t do it for them no matter how much you love them.

Signs Are Ignored, But Still Exist

Standard

It’s a shame the situations we willfully put ourselves in. I am including myself, because once upon a time I did it too, but thank God I learnt better and now do better. I’ve learned from every situation (good and the bad) in my life. It taught me what to accept and what not to accept. I clearly see pass feelings and emotions. It’s takes loving self and growth to get to such a point. When a person wants to change they will do it!

I keep reminding myself maturity doesn’t necessarily come with age. People make many bad decisions based on the state of mind they’re in. It’s all related to what is the true you! You can hide it from others, but never from yourself. People can present themselves as one thing and by the way, most do. However, if you want to know the truth simply watch and the truth will present itself in some form or another. It is always seen through a person’s decisions, choices, and ultimately their actions.

You all know I’ve written countless times “we teach others how to treat us and you will always be treated how you’ve allowed.” That is fact! If you choose to get into a relationship with someone who is constantly giving you drama, drama is what you will get. If you get into a relationship in the wrong way, with the wrong person, for the wrong reason, drama is what you will get. Trust and believe drama is on the way!

To break it down further. If a person don’t love self they are bound to be led by their feelings. If a person is carrying a lifetime of old baggage, they are bound to be led by their feelings and emotions. If a person gets with someone who is already with someone, it’s because of inside issues. To be with someone and do things you are uncomfortable with and wouldn’t normally do it’s due to what’s inside. If you allow yourself to be abused, mistreated, or disrespected, it’s because of what’s inside. I can go on and on. The point I am trying to relay is, people treat you how you allow. People allow this because they too are carrying their own baggage they need to deal with. Theirs is affecting them and yours affecting you. Now what do you think it will be? Chaos and drama, yet people will swear it’s love, when love hasn’t a thing to do with it.

People show you who they really are, sadly individuals fail to believe it. Signs are missed due to feeling and emotions. It all comes from negative states of mind people are trapped in and have become comfortable with. People find it difficult to see past their emotions and feelings until they find themselves drowning in a sea of chaos they willfully subjected themselves to. I know it’s a hard pill for many to swallow, yet it is still the truth! No one can change you or your situation other than you!

So many individuals get into relationships thinking they can change the other person. If they can’t change them they think they can save or fix them. You can’t save, fix, or change anyone; this includes your children, significant others, friends, family, or other people. One thing for certain is you can lose your peace, health, and strength in trying. It will leave you drained in more ways than one.

Stop loving people to death! They live and be who they choose to be while some of you die! I mean literally (stress, depression, suicide, etc) and if you don’t literally die you’re dead spiritually. You lose yourselves in trying to fix, save, or change other people. It’s nonsense! Know your worth and lay down boundaries and standards. You must first love you! When you love yourself you won’t allow anyone to bring unnecessary drama into your space/life!

There are a lot of people who get involved with individuals they swear they love and these individuals introduces them to drugs and alcohol. People are introduced to the streets, sexual immorality, and all kind of God forsaken things! Listen if you’re with someone who is introducing you to things which could devastate your life, you’re with the wrong person! Use common sense! No significant other is worth pain and drama in your life. Pain and drama goes hand in hand! Love has NOTHING at all to do with it. Getting involved with people who are bringing chaos in your life says a lot about you! It tells you something in your life needs fixing! To ignore it only adds to your internal issues. You’re trying to fix someone when you haven’t dealt with your own issues, now you’re dealing with those of the person you’re with as well. This is unnecessary stress and drama!

There are always signs! People don’t change into someone you don’t want to be with, they were already that way, but the signs were ignored, because you couldn’t see past your feelings and emotions. When things get unbearable, then and only then can people see the real deal; which was there all along! Unfortunately some people refuse to ever see the truth, because they can’t get past their feelings due to their states of mind. They make things solely about what they want and desire based on their feelings. They ignore the truth!