Signs Are Ignored, But Still Exist

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It’s a shame the situations we willfully put ourselves in. I am including myself, because once upon a time I did it too, but thank God I learnt better and now do better. I’ve learned from every situation (good and the bad) in my life. It taught me what to accept and what not to accept. I clearly see pass feelings and emotions. It’s takes loving self and growth to get to such a point. When a person wants to change they will do it!

I keep reminding myself maturity doesn’t necessarily come with age. People make many bad decisions based on the state of mind they’re in. It’s all related to what is the true you! You can hide it from others, but never from yourself. People can present themselves as one thing and by the way, most do. However, if you want to know the truth simply watch and the truth will present itself in some form or another. It is always seen through a person’s decisions, choices, and ultimately their actions.

You all know I’ve written countless times “we teach others how to treat us and you will always be treated how you’ve allowed.” That is fact! If you choose to get into a relationship with someone who is constantly giving you drama, drama is what you will get. If you get into a relationship in the wrong way, with the wrong person, for the wrong reason, drama is what you will get. Trust and believe drama is on the way!

To break it down further. If a person don’t love self they are bound to be led by their feelings. If a person is carrying a lifetime of old baggage, they are bound to be led by their feelings and emotions. If a person gets with someone who is already with someone, it’s because of inside issues. To be with someone and do things you are uncomfortable with and wouldn’t normally do it’s due to what’s inside. If you allow yourself to be abused, mistreated, or disrespected, it’s because of what’s inside. I can go on and on. The point I am trying to relay is, people treat you how you allow. People allow this because they too are carrying their own baggage they need to deal with. Theirs is affecting them and yours affecting you. Now what do you think it will be? Chaos and drama, yet people will swear it’s love, when love hasn’t a thing to do with it.

People show you who they really are, sadly individuals fail to believe it. Signs are missed due to feeling and emotions. It all comes from negative states of mind people are trapped in and have become comfortable with. People find it difficult to see past their emotions and feelings until they find themselves drowning in a sea of chaos they willfully subjected themselves to. I know it’s a hard pill for many to swallow, yet it is still the truth! No one can change you or your situation other than you!

So many individuals get into relationships thinking they can change the other person. If they can’t change them they think they can save or fix them. You can’t save, fix, or change anyone; this includes your children, significant others, friends, family, or other people. One thing for certain is you can lose your peace, health, and strength in trying. It will leave you drained in more ways than one.

Stop loving people to death! They live and be who they choose to be while some of you die! I mean literally (stress, depression, suicide, etc) and if you don’t literally die you’re dead spiritually. You lose yourselves in trying to fix, save, or change other people. It’s nonsense! Know your worth and lay down boundaries and standards. You must first love you! When you love yourself you won’t allow anyone to bring unnecessary drama into your space/life!

There are a lot of people who get involved with individuals they swear they love and these individuals introduces them to drugs and alcohol. People are introduced to the streets, sexual immorality, and all kind of God forsaken things! Listen if you’re with someone who is introducing you to things which could devastate your life, you’re with the wrong person! Use common sense! No significant other is worth pain and drama in your life. Pain and drama goes hand in hand! Love has NOTHING at all to do with it. Getting involved with people who are bringing chaos in your life says a lot about you! It tells you something in your life needs fixing! To ignore it only adds to your internal issues. You’re trying to fix someone when you haven’t dealt with your own issues, now you’re dealing with those of the person you’re with as well. This is unnecessary stress and drama!

There are always signs! People don’t change into someone you don’t want to be with, they were already that way, but the signs were ignored, because you couldn’t see past your feelings and emotions. When things get unbearable, then and only then can people see the real deal; which was there all along! Unfortunately some people refuse to ever see the truth, because they can’t get past their feelings due to their states of mind. They make things solely about what they want and desire based on their feelings. They ignore the truth!

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Playing The Fool Gets You Played

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Yeah, I wrote! Listen we can try to sugarcoat and water things down, but the truth of the matter if you’re dumbing yourself down or playing the fool in a relationship, the ONLY one getting played is you!

As a woman I’ve heard other women say, “I’m pretending I don’t know this or that is going on or I’m just going along with it, but I know what’s up.” If you’re acting like you don’t know, but you are still going along with it, then you’re still accepting whatever it is. If you’re pretending to not see what’s happening, although you really do see. Then you’re accepting it! You’re
“playing the fool only to get played.” As long as you go along with another person’s crap, they get to do to you whatever they like. It says something about them, but it also says something about you!

Both men and women do it. They turn a blind eye to their situations as if it will make things go away. NO, it doesn’t! In their hearts they know the mess they’re in, but try to act as if it’s alright, when it isn’t. You’re only (playing the fool only to get played).

I know many of you won’t see it this way and I don’t expect for you too, but the truth is still the truth! People make a million excuses as to why they put up with what they put up with. Remember, people will treat you EXACTLY how you allow and in fact you teach them how to treat you! That goes for family, friends, significant others, children, co-workers, or whomever.

In many relationships people put up with unnecessary crap, because of their individual true relationship with self. People who are dealing with unresolved issues will oftentimes seek out things they desire and want, dismissing what they truly need. They will go along to get along; which includes putting up with unnecessary mess to be a part of something or to be loved. Most are led by their feelings and emotions.

Folks can sense vulnerability in others. They see it in the actions of others. There are plenty of people with agendas different than the person they are with. They will get from you what they can and they will treat you exactly how they want to, because it’s what’s allowed. They know it and you know it!

Trying to love someone into loving you just doesn’t work, especially when you don’t even love yourself. There are many people who don’t know what love is or what love isn’t. They go off of their feelings and emotions only to find themselves in bad situations in which they willfully got into. Sometimes you have to stop looking at the other person and examine yourself.

Many women accept ridiculous crap from their men. They have restrictions, boundaries, and guidelines put on them by their significant others, yet their significant others do what they want. You’re being played! I know it doesn’t sit well with someone, but it’s okay. I hope it rattles you enough to take an assessment of yourself and your situation.

I want people to stop denying the truth and face reality. A lot of people ask for the truth, but when they get it they feel some type of way about it. No matter the truth, some people will turn a deaf ear and blind eyes to it. It all goes back to who you really are as an individual. What’s inside of you speaks volumes in your actions.

I understand sometimes people are in very abusive relationships and they pretend this or that in fear of their lives. I completely understand this logic. However; no matter the situation if this happens, you’re still going along with it. You’ve given power to the other person to do whatever they want to do to you, because they know you’ll go along with it! Devastating as it may be you’re still “playing the fool and getting played.” Why? Because your significant other gets to treat you any kind of way, because it is what you’ve allowed. If you’re afraid to leave you’ve stayed way too long!! Seek help with your situation before it’s too late!

Moral of it this blog is your life belongs to you! Your power, self esteem, peace of mind, courage, strength, etc, etc, belongs to you and ONLY you! However, your significant other or anyone else whom you allow will take it from you causing yours to diminish. Never give anyone or anything power to take what belongs to you! Never play the fool, if you play the fool then you subject yourself to being played. Why? Because technically who you allow to play you see you as a fool! If you have to be lied to, deceived, manipulated, cheated on, abused, etc, etc it is NOT love, because love has NOTHING to do with it! Don’t play the fool, because it makes you one who will undoubtedly get played!

Staying Yet Straying

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Okay, here I go again. It is up to each individual as to what they choose in their relationships. However; you ARE to blame for what you allow. You’re to blame for what you accept and put up with. No one can do to you more than you allow. People allow much unnecessary drama in the name of love when love has nothing at all to do with it. Love isn’t those things a lot of people claim it to be.

People who stray outside of their relationships don’t do it because of the person their cheating on. Yes sometimes that person is a problem, but the real reason a person strays is due to their own inner issues. Some people make all of the excuses in their world, but at the end of the day, they cheat, because they want to.

If you stray it’s no one’s decision to do it, but yours. If you stay after he or she strays it’s no one’s decision, but yours to do it. People stray for many reasons, but the fact of the matter is those reasons are all excuses. People cheat because they want to and them wanting to come from other underlined unresolved issues. People stay for the same reason. People who stay give excuses as to why, however truth be told their reasons all boils down to what’s going on inside of them. This is normally due to long ago unresolved issues. People seek love no matter the consequences; which is a sad thing!

I’m all for people remaining together. However, only in healthy relationships! Anyone who stays in an unhealthy relationship must look at the man/woman in the mirror and figure out why. Anyone who’s cheating on their significant other must do the same. Facing inner issues is detrimental in being able to grow into mature adults.

Society is full of tainted and broken people filled with toxicities of their pasts. When people don’t deal with their issues it affects every facet of their lives (relationships, jobs, decisions, choices, health, etc). People embed themselves into all types of positions only to have their demons surface to the top and ruin their opportunities. People get into relationships with clear indications it’s bad from the start only to allow their demons and their significant others demons to rise up and interfere with the relationship.

“The blind can’t lead the blind, unless they both fall in the ditch.” You can’t save anyone and no one can save you! You can’t change anyone and no one can change you. As I will continue to say; families, friends, and significant others may motivate, inspire, or influence you, but the decision to be saved or change falls on the individual who needs it. People think their love making skills, cooking, material things, looks, statuses, titles; may influence a person to change. NOT necessarily!! Even if a person changes due to some type of influence if they don’t change because they feel a need to change the change will not be lasting. It will ONLY be temporary to appease the other person or the situation. The same issues will come up again and again.

Every last one of us can put on facades pretending to be this or that, but every single time something will show the truth. It may be subtle, but nevertheless the truth will always present. Who a person try to hide and who a person is are different for immature people who think they are mature. Those who pretend to be one way yet knowing they’re another show the true signs at some point. It is shown through their actions, decisions, choices, etc. It NEVER fails! We can run, change locations, change jobs, hide, deceive, pretend, disguise, put on facades. However, we can’t EVER run or hide from the truth. We can’t run or hide from self! The truth lies within!! Unless a person resolve their issues they will NOT mature to be the people they’re destined to be.

A cheater will cheat until he or she decides to deal with the inner man or woman and come to the conclusion they are better than that. They are never satisfied with who they have, because they don’t truly love self, due to their inner issues. They choose not to be faithful and loyal to no one, because they can’t be faithful or loyal to self. They are immature in their thinking and for them it’s about gratification of the flesh (physical body, their eyes, material things, statuses, etc).

A person will stay in an unhealthy relationship (cheated on, beat on, disrespected, mistreated in all forms), until they deal with the inner man or woman and decide they deserve better; which starts with loving self. It’s always up the individual. You, you, and I! Every last one of us willfully choose what we allow into our lives. We can make excuses, but what we choose falls on us individually.

Red Flags of a Catfish Scheme

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I know people are looking for love where they can. That is partly the problem, people are looking for love in all of the wrong ways, with all of the wrong people, and in all of the wrong places.

I realize online dating works for many people, but you MUST use common sense when online dating. People truly show you who they are whether it’s behind a computer screen or face to face. The main reason people miss the signs and cues is because they are allowing their hearts to lead. They are being led by feelings and emotions. They look past all of the imminent signs present, because of what they are feeling. They are consumed by what they perceive is love and it’s all they see.

Online dating isn’t the problem. The problem is the people who are partaking in the online dating. If you are led by what you’re feeling, you’re being led by the flesh. This means you’re led by your feelings, emotions, desires, and wants. If you thought about what you truly needed you would think twice about your situation.

No matter how many people have lost their lives or been affected in some way through online dating, people still are doing it. I’m not saying online dating is all together bad. It works for some people. What I’m saying is use common sense and caution. If you go in with your eyes wide shut, you will be consumed by your feelings and emotions. You will have to deal with the consequences!

RED FLAGS
Anybody who has been dating a person for months and years without ever seeing the individual this is a red flag! If every time you want to meet up with them, skype, Face Time, Facebook messenger, or see them in some way in person and they’re always unavailable, this is a red flag. There are many ways to see a person through different apps if not in person. If you decide to meet up and they don’t want to in a public area, this is red flag. Never invite someone to your home nor give them the address.

If you’re having to send them money, this is a red flag. A lot of scammers ask you for money right away. They always claims deaths or accidents. I don’t care what excuse they give, you should have common sense not to send a stranger money. It’s a scam. They know you’re vulnerable and they are playing on your emotions. They know, because many of you tell your life history and all they’re doing is building a solid case to deceive you with the ammunition you freely provided to him or her.

If you google their name and someone else pops up, this is a red flag. If you’re going to use social media online dating, there are many ways to see if you’re dealing with who you think you are. You have to put in the time to research. You can google images, accounts, and other things to see if something fishy is going on.

If you never get to talk to them it’s a red flag. Sometimes it could be an indication it’s someone you know or they simply don’t want you hear their voice for some reason. Sometimes people are foreigners and they know you will hear the accent.

If they are telling you they love you and whispering all the sweet nothings to you right away, this is a red flag. They are telling you what they know you want to hear. They are giving you exactly what you told them you wanted. They give back to you in a very deceitful way what you freely provided to them. They use it against you to manipulate you into believing they really care for you to get out of you what they want.

If they want information from you about personal things, yet never provide you with any, this is a red flag. They are fishing to find out as much about you as they can to play their game right.

I’ve always said and written, when an individual love his or herself, they will be very careful who they allow into their lives. They aren’t eager or desperate for love. They aren’t controlled by their feeling or emotions. They see things for what they are and they have the sense to get away from a relationship that has red flags!

Unfortunately many miss the signs because they are caught up by their feelings and emotions. Being led by feelings and emotions put many in dire situations, they shouldn’t of ever been in. If people do not open their eyes to the truth they will continue to be victims of the Catfish scheme!

Blind by Feelings can Lead to a Deadly Outcome

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Yes, I am writing on this again. My daughter called me and told me someone who worked in her building was murdered by her boyfriend. The female went to the home they both had previously shared to retrieve her belongings and as soon as the guy answered the door, he shot her point blank in the face. This is so awful, sad, and could have been avoided.

I’ve always said and will continue to say is if you wait until things get bad in a relationship you may never get to leave. You may die in the relationship. Everyone has signs concerning our relationships, whether we adhere to them is another thing.

When initially starting a relationship people must first know who they are (self). You must first love yourself, know and understand the difference between your wants, desires, and needs. Most people don’t have a clue there are differences. When people don’t first love self, they are looking for something in somoene else that they don’t possess in self. They are led by emotions and feelings. They think because it looks good or feels good it is good for them. Wrong!! They are led solely by their flesh! They get into relationships with the wrong people for the wrong reasons.

People get into bad relationships thinking they can save or change the individaul. They think their sex is so great or whatever they’re offering is so great it will change the other person. No, it doesn’t work! You may give a person a reason to want to change, you may encourage them to change, but change ONLY occurs because the person needing to change decided it was time. If they change before they are ready they will ALWAYS revert back to who they really are, because the change was for you and not for them.

You can love a person with everything in you, it’s NOT enough if they’re an individual with a lot of issues. They need to work on self, therefore until they do they will ALWAYS have chaos following them where they go. You can’t fix, save, or change them. Those who get involved with these types of individuals oftentimes have their own issues as well. Let me put it this way. Those who stay definitely have their own issues. People who know who they are as individuals (self) will adhere to the signs and run for the hills!

I don’t care what you feel about a person, make sure you can see through the fog. People will ALWAYS in some form or fashion show you who they are and show you their tendencies early on. If you’re blind by your feelings and overwhelmed then you will most likely NOT see the signs staring you in the face! This is why people get into relationships for all the wrong reasons, with the wrong people, and in the wrong ways. They are being led by their thoughts and feelings about the person while missing all the signs the person is giving as to who they are.

People are cussed out, disrespected, physically assaulted, obssessed over, controlled early on, they are kept from other people, etc. etc. This isn’t love. Some individuals think it’s cute how a person goes crazy over them to the point of wanting to fight someone. They think it’s cute a person tells them what to wear, who they can and can’t be around, tell them what to do or demand them to do this or that. They think it’s cute how the person wants to spend all their time with them and not allow them around anyone else. They think the person playfully cursing them or smacking them is okay when they present it in a playful way. I can go on for days. These are signs of what’s to come. It is NOT LOVE! It’s a clear indication of what you can expect in the future.

The problem is many people stay; they try to work it out. Then they get to a point where they’ve stayed too long. The person is possessive, obsessive, controlling, and ALL THE ABOVE, now it’s a problem with leaving. People are afraid to leave because they know how the person will react. Some stay because they want security or they like what the person does for them, completely looking over the fact how they are treated. Many, many people have died in their unhealthy relationships when they shouldn’t have. They should have left long before the point of no return.

Stop being quick to tell a person where you live and other information you should keep to yourself until you really know who you’re dealing with. Stop being quick to have sex with people thinking it will make them want you; sex hasn’t EVER kept a relationship together. People will act according to what you tell them you want so they can give you exactly what you say you want TO GET YOU! The very thing you tell them you went through many will put you through, they will manipulate you into a relationship, because you allowed it before.

Both parties are to blame. They will be who they are, but you should always leave when you see potential for trouble. People show you who they are, but many think it’s a fluke, (a one time thing). NO it’s the real deal and many will see it! People show potential problems that individuals ignore! There are consequences of failing to adhere to the signs. People end up in miserably unhealthy and unhappy relationships or they end up dead!

Not every person with issues will allow nonsense in their lives. Some people despite their many issues still has sense enough to walk away. Thank God! However, there are a lot of people who won’t walk away. They stay and endure unnecessary drama from individauls they think they love.

People must wake up!!! Deal with your many issues before getting into relationships. Face your problems and work them out, because your problems and your significant other problems together can be a ticking time bomb! People with a lot of unresolved issues ends up with other people with unresolved issues. People are eager and some desperate for love, when they don’t really love self. People will treat you EXACTLY how you allow.

Seeking Love in a Loveless Relationship

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I don’t know how many ways to say it or write it. You’re being treated the way you allow yourself to be treated. Loving him or her isn’t enough when they don’t love you. Stop putting yourself in situations where you’re used and taken advantage of. Stop giving everything you have thinking it will make him or her feel about you the way you feel about them. It won’t!

Love is only a figment of your imagination when you’re not loved in return. Far too many people are in loveless relationships. It’s loveless when it’s one sided. You loving him or her means nothing if they don’t love you back. If you loved yourself you wouldn’t ever allow someone to treat you any way they want. If you loved yourself you wouldn’t be desperate to be loved by someone who doesn’t love you.

Look at yourself and deal with you! Stop trying to love someone and give them your heart when you don’t even love yourself. You and your heart will be trampled on. Love isn’t one sided, not at all. A person who truly loves you knows it’s a word with action, which does NOT mean using you and taking you for granted. People who treat you this way are all for self, it doesn’t involve loving you. They know what they want and they know it’s not you! Stop selling yourself short! A significant other will stay in a relationship knowing full well their minds and hearts are many moons away! A person will ONLY treat you how you allow them to treat you! If you have no standards or requirements, then you get none! It’s as simple as that!

In these types of relationships, there is always someone else in the equation. The people you’re involved with always have other agendas. Matter of fact, they are people who aren’t happy with self. They too don’t know how to give or receive love. Love starts with you; the individual. You must be able to love yourself before you can effectively and in a healthy manner love someone else! If you don’t you will take or do anything in the name of love; when it’s not love at all!

The problem with many folks is they are too busy seeking something most never really experienced before. Instead of focusing on self they put all emphasis on the person they chose, when technically that person hasn’t chosen them. Regardless of how good a person makes you feel, if they don’t feel the same as you, it’s not about you. Sadly many people try to force something with someone when it was ever meant to be. This is why many are in unhealthy and loveless relationships.

The person you love is definitely some of the problem, but your biggest problem is yourself. People get all wrapped in their feelings and emotions allowing them to take control. Anything you have given your power to has control over you, (feelings, emotions, people, things). People who never really loved you or wanted to be with you will always show it in some way or show how. Those who deny it are denying the truth! It’s why they are in loveless relationships. They believe it’s love, but it’s not! Many people hold themselves back from true love trying to hang on to somone who wasn’t ever intended for them.

Facing Your Biggest Problem, You

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It’s not him or her, it’s you! Stop trying to hold on to people who have let you go. Stop trying to hold on to a person who doesn’t feel you’re worth fighting for. It means you’re not as important to him or her as they are to you. The person you’re with must think you’re just as important, if not they aren’t as into you as you are to them. Too many live their lives struggling to hold on to people who are NOT holding on to them. It causes unnecessary chaos and drama in the lives of many.

People give their significant others too much power over their lives. They can’t function when the one’s they love walk away or simply don’t really want them. If a person wants to walk let them. Stop taking up space in your mind over someone who don’t even think of you! Some people literally can’t function because someone walked away from the relationship. I’m sorry I think it’s nonsense! It’s only my opinion. I know we’re all different. It doesn’t make sense to me to lose your mind over someone who doesn’t care how you feel.

Many people go through hell and high water to be with individuals who don’t want to be with them. When a lot of people stay it’s not that they want you, they like what you do for them and it’s the only reason they stick around. They treat the individuals they are with like crap, because they are allowed to. You have to deal with the monsters you created. Why? It’s because we teach people how to treat us. Whatever you allow it will happen! When you nip things in the bud people know where you stand!! When you allow things to continue to go on; you let people know where you stand!! The control is always yours, unless you give it away.

There are a lot of people who want to give up because the one’s they love don’t love them back. Seriously? If a person doesn’t want to be with you let them go. Trying to keep them where they don’t want to be will only prove to be a dead end and unhealthy situation. If a person is trying to hold on to someone when the person doesn’t want to be there, you must look at self and figure out what’s going on with you, NOT the other person. They’ve shown you who they are and what they want, now it’s up to you to deal with your feelings and emotions and stop allowing them to lead you in the wrong direction.

None of us can change another person, we can only change ourselves. We have to look at self and determine what we have to fix about self. Stop blaming the other person, because the other person is doing what they want to do. Life will go on even if you choose to remain stuck in place. No one is worth it. No one is worth the heartache or headache. If they want to walk, open the door for them! Same door they walked out of someone else will walk in. The difference should be you’re stronger and have more wisdom, knowledge, and understanding so not to make the same bad decisions again.

Most people look at relationships they’re in one way; and that’s according to how they feel about the other person. Hold up! Remember, you’re never the only person in a relationship, it always takes two! People get caught up in how they feel and fail to fully understand how the other person feels. A person shows you the truth no matter how subtle. People fail to see it, because they are blind by their thoughts, feelings, and emotions of the person they think they love or want to be with.

Stop doing things you feel uncomfortable with, stop trying to be someone you’re not, stop accepting any ole thing, stop allowing yourself to be mistreated, stop blaming the other person and take responsibility and ownership for you and your life, stop worrying about what the other person is doing and take care of you, and please stop giving your power to someone else.

I promise you, if you love yourself it will be enough!
You may feel lonely sometimes, but it’s better than being with someone and still lonely. Being alone is better than being with someone and in love by yourself. Being alone is better than being with someone yet separate, because they are doing their own thing. Being alone is better than being with someone who is only with you because of what you provide. Being alone can be a greater teacher if allowed. Learn to love you and you will see that no one will love you like you and if you love you, you know everything will be alright!

Individuals must learn how to see past their feelings, if they don’t they will continue to get into the wrong types of relationships, with the wrong people, for all of the wrong reasons. Happiness doesn’t start or end with anyone, but yourself; others may be a part of your happiness, but you definitely shouldn’t depend on anyone to bring happiness in your life. You first have to find it within yourself!