Walking Away From the Start

Standard

People must learn to do this! If people would walk away from things that aren’t right from the start many wouldn’t be in the predicaments they are in. People allow how they feel for a person get them into avoidable situations. I will guarantee you if you walk away from bad situations from the start it will save you drama and stress later on. For some walking away will save their lives.

I’m not saying walk away from a relationship without ever trying to work on it. I’m saying walk away from unhealthy people to avoid being in unhealthy relationships. You do this by adhering to the signs. Stop looking at the outer appearance, stop looking at what a person has to offer. A person can be rich and completely tainted and toxic. They aren’t worth the pain and suffering of being involved with them.

Many women get into relationships with men who clearly show them they aren’t right for them, but because they think they love their men they continue on with the relationships. Many later find they made bad choices and poor decisions. Too many women go solely off of how they are feeling about the guy instead of looking at what is actually taking place in their relationships. They go into relationships thinking their men will change, trying to save them, or thinking they can fix them. This is a foolish and immature way of thinking and it leaves women in bad unhealthy relationships. They are fixated on the sex, how he makes her feel, and basically it all is intertwined into how he makes her feel. These women seem to lose a grip on reality until finally their eyes are open, by then it’s too far gone.

Too many women subject their children to unhealthy and unsafe environments by allowing people who shouldn’t be around their children into their lives. Children can’t fend for themselves, they rely on their parents. Women who are too caught up in their men to see what is going on are women who have a lot of issues they need to deal with. It’s a sad situation for these women and their children.

Many women are allowing men to beat, molest, rape, and hurt their children mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It scars children for a lifetime. These types of women need to get their heads out of the sand. A man who mistreats a child is a man who will mistreat his woman. Wake up and protect your children. Too many children are becoming victims to the hands of their mom’s significant others. These types of things cause dysfunction in the lives of children then they grow to be dysfunctional adults making bad decisions like their parents. I’m not saying all children will grow into dysfunctional adults, but many will and we see it every single day in some facet in all walks of life.

Men get into relationships for the some of the same exact reasons. They think they can save a woman or fix her. They are captivated by the outer appearance (shallow thinking). They get caught up in their sexual feelings or what is being done for them and to them. Sex is sex, period. Some men and women may perform a little better than others, but the bottom line is sex is sex. Some men; same as women think the person they are with will change or that they can fix them. Men like women; allow what they are feeling in their hearts to lead them into making bad decisions and choices. This does nothing but cause chaos and havoc in the lives of many.

Walking away from bad situations prevents worse things from happening. I don’t care how good it makes a person feels, if it’s not a good relationship it is bad and therefore unhealthy and unsafe. When people stay in relationships too long they suffer the consequences of their bad choices and decisions in one way or another. Sometimes those around them suffer the consequences as well.

No man or woman has to be in unhappy, unhealthy, and unsafe relationships. People get into and stay in them by choice until one day they see the truth for what it is and by then they feel stuck there by some form of fear. It can all be avoided by paying attention to the signs and walking away before things goes too far. Love isn’t unkind, impatience, possessive, obsessive, or controlling. It isn’t verbal, physical, or emotional abuse in no sense of the word. If someone loves you they will not want to cause you or your loved ones any pain. Many people miss this because they are too focused on how they are feeling. They miss all the signs until it’s gone too far. Sad, but true!

Unhealthy People, Unhealthy Relationships

Standard

This is for a lot of people in unhealthy relationships. There are many people who are in terrible relationships. They are blind by their feelings and they will do anything to please the one they are with. For many people the focus is completely off. Most people drastically fail at getting to know the one they are with. They don’t adhere to the signs nor do they ask the right questions. All they care about is trying to win who they are trying to be with.

The reason people find themselves in terrible relationships is because their focus is on doing any and everything to please the one they are with. Many will even cross the line by doing things they wouldn’t normally do. They are moving solely on how they are feeling and unable to see the truth because of it. They think because they feel a certain way the actions behind their feelings will make the person they are with truly want to be with them. This isn’t so!

A person will take from you as long as you give. A person will do to you what you allow. It is you who teach the one you’re with how to treat you! If you think giving them everything is going to make them love you more, you’re wrong! They still won’t love you any more than they really do! Matter of fact some don’t love who they are with at all, they love what the person does to them and for them. Hurtful right? It’s true! It’s better to read about it then to be living it!

There are far too many people who get into one-sided relationships. They are too caught up in how they are feeling, therefore blind to the truth. They could see it if they chose to, unfortunately it’s not on the mindset of most; their interest is giving all they can to the other person, because they love them very much. At least so they think!

Don’t be a fool to love or to what you perceive as love. Perception is normally gravely distorted when a person is going off of their feelings. The more you think of someone (good or bad), the more provoking the thoughts become which leads to the over abundance of feelings. People are totally captivated by those feelings, which leads and have led many into terrible relationships. Many have lost their lives in bad relationships.

I’ve written many posts about this very issue, but no matter how much people read, hear, or see, they will foolishly get into unhealthy relationships. Some people don’t learn or change, because they don’t want to. They continue to live unhappy lives while wondering why their lives are unhappy. Makes no sense, but it’s the way many choose to live. Everything we do is about choices. We all make them whether good or bad.

When a person gives and gives to the significant person in their life never getting anything in return, except headaches and heartaches; they teach their significant other exactly how to treat them. When a significant other takes and takes, they teach the other person how to be treated. People who are focused on the feel good feeling will only see what they want. They are blind to everything else to a point and time when they are forced to open their eyes to the truth. By this time they are more than likely in an unhealthy relationship. At this point many are afraid to leave and afraid to stay. The ONLY way to avoid unhealthy relationships is by NOT getting into them in the first place!

I keep telling people love isn’t blind, those who think they are in love are blind by their perceptions of love.

Another Senseless Killing

Standard

Many of us have heard about the recent killing of a teacher by her husband of one month. He killed her and then killed himself. This man didn’t wake up deciding to kill her, he had thought about it for a while. I’ve written many posts about people ignoring the signs. It’s no joke, it’s real. People are losing their lives, because they are too caught up in their emotions and feelings to see the signs.

I heard the relatives of the deceased teacher say as soon as the couple were married they saw the true him. The relative stated the guy changed. I don’t believe it for one second. He made not have shown his true colors to her family, but I bet he showed them to her. I’m sorry, I just do not believe there aren’t signs of the truth. I believe there are always signs no matter how subtle. The man who went into the classroom to kill his wife had a violent past which included domestic violence (sign). If she knew, why would she get into a relationship with him? If she didn’t know, I’m sure signs showed his tendencies for violence; yet she still chose him.

As I’ve always said, a person can only fake for so long, the truth will always surface. Many abusers have a way of manipulating and coercing. They know how to deceive and make their victims believe they are sorry for what they did (UNTIL THE NEXT INCIDENT). Women have to stop ignoring the signs. An abuser knows what to say and what to do. They are fighting their own demons. They want to control and dominate their victims.

I talked with many people after getting out of bad relationships who all said when they look back they could see the signs, but at the time of going through they FAILED to see them. Too many people lose their lives, because they do not adhere to the signs.

I’ve said it before and will  continue to say it; if a person is afraid to leave a relationship they have stayed too long. If a person feels trapped, they have stayed too long. The ONLY way to avoid unhealthy relationships is by NOT getting into them in the first place. People must learn to see past their emotions. It doesn’t matter how good it feels a person must see past their feelings. If it’s not right, what made you laugh will surely eventually make you cry.

Women and men who allow their feelings to lead them in and out of bad relationships need to look inward. They are seeking something in others they don’t have in self; which is love. When a person really love his or herself  they WILL NOT allow their feelings to blind them. They will walk away from drama and unnecessary mess. They will not give their power to anyone else and they will adhere to the signs. They won’t have any problems with being alone until the right one comes along. They are NOT depending on anyone else to live or for love and happiness. If you’re not happy alone, you won’t be happy with someone else, because your issues compiled with their issues is a time bomb waiting to blow.

Some individuals have their on issues and because of their issues of insecurities, lack of esteem and confidence, not loving themselves amongst other things; they allow people into their lives who they THINK love them. They bring bad unhealthy people around their families putting them smack in harm’s way. They fall for any form of love to get some form of love. Unfortunately this has caused many women and men to lose their lives.

It’s great to be loved, but first you must know what love is and what it isn’t. It’s NEVER abusive, ever! The problem with some people is they become lost in their feelings. They dismiss the treatment they are receiving and the many signs present. They feel good sporadically but they don’t understand they’re in an unhealthy relationship. They allow those good feelings to make them oblivious to the truth! They believe they can change the person, they believe it won’t happen again, they dismiss family and friends telling them what they see, etc. etc. This all happens, because these individuals are blind to the truth and they want what they want; even when it’s no good for them.

Be careful and guard your hearts. Don’t allow people into your lives who will hurt you. Open your eyes to the truth. It’s great to be in love, it’s great to be loved, but make sure you know what love is and definitely what it isn’t. Make sure you aren’t seeking something in someone because of something you’re lacking or never had. If you are you may find yourself in bad relationships and oftentimes it’s a repeating cycle. These types of people have often been in similar relationships with similar type people. If a person plays roulette long enough in any aspect of their life, eventually the unfortunate happens. Many people don’t understand the things they harbor inside can lead them into making the worse decisions and choices ever! In many cases it has caused individual’s their lives. Open your eyes and see the truth for what it is, even if it means getting the heck out of a relationship before it gets any deeper.

 

 

 

 

If you Accept it you Chose it

Standard

The post is written about people who are in relationships and accepting whatever in the name of what they think is love. Many people are in relationships never meant for them to be in. I’m currently working on a book about this. I know many before me have written on the topic and many will write about it when I’m long gone. I feel it’s time I put my opinion about it in writing. I pray someone somewhere will learn something.

It’s terrible to see people in bad relationships. Unfortunately and sadly it is a personal choice of freewill. Many people choose bad relationships due to their own insecurities derived from a host of unresolved issues. If an issue isn’t resolved it leads to other problems.

In my opinion and without a doubt people get into relationships and miss all of the important signs telling them to proceed with cautious or RUN! They think they have the power to change the other person when they can’t even change self. Does it make any sense???? First of all, if you feel it’s necessary to change someone else, then you’re at least somewhat aware there is potential for a problem to occur. Why move forward???? This is a sign straight from the start. Sadly many continue in their relationships knowing full well something isn’t right.

Sometimes I look at people and literally want to shake them to wake them up. They are caught up in their feelings about the other person and it has them totally blind. Many are disrespected, neglected, rejected, disconnected, and subjected to all kinds of things. They take and accept things from the ones they love that they themselves would never do to them.

Some people feel the person they’re with deserves the best from them, therefore they do any and everything to please the individual. However, in the midst of it they receive the worst from the individual. It makes no sense at all. Never choose to be mistreated. If you accept it, you chose it! There are no and’s, if’s, or but’s about it!

The best recommendation I can give in this situation is to STOP it before it STARTS! Too many find themselves in loveless, unhappy, and unhealthy relationships because they failed to adhere to the many signs in the beginning. Instead of treading the water they jumped right into the deep end without a clue how to swim. Later feeling pulled under and drowning due to their bad choices and decisions.

When you meet someone you’re interested in, before losing your mind, use your brain! How you start any relationship is indicative to how it will end. If you get with a person who is abusive they will certainly eventually beat you whether mentally, emotionally, or physically. If you get with a person who is already in a relationship with someone else he or she is a cheater and eventually they will cheat on you. If you get with a person who has no ambition or goals don’t expect for him or her to change, so don’t make it a problem later. If you get with a person who is into immoral things, when it becomes a problem later, remember you chose it. If you get with someone who’s beliefs are different from yours, it’s what you chose. You can’t save no one, but yourself. You can’t change no one but yourself. I can go on for days with examples.

Bottom line and the moral to it all is you can’t change ANYONE else. You may inspire someone to want to change, but the individual is the one who makes the change happen, NOT YOU! Many people have changed temporarily to get what they wanted and then reverted back to who they really are. Why? It’s because they aren’t ready for real change. It can’t be forced. If you’re struggling with trying to change someone else, the real struggle should be with changing yourself.

If you get into a relationship being led solely by what you’re thinking and feelings about the person and not looking at the big picture, I guarantee you that you will later regret it. Get out of your feelings and see the truth for what it is. Most times people are stuck on how they are feeling about the other person; dismissing what the other person’s actions are saying how they feel about them.

I Don’t Think I’m Better You Think I Am

Standard

I’m sure many of us can relate to this. You have people in your lives who can’t embrace or love you because they feel you think you’re better than them. I think this is a sad state of mind. It happens within family relationships, friendships, and relationships with others.

It is my belief that when a person has to be fake with you, then they are fake, period! Many times a person doesn’t feel they are better because they have better, it is what it is. However, because in some folks heart of hearts they are jealous or envious to a degree; they allow how they feel to hinder how they treat you. It’s a pure shame!

People automatically assume you think you’re something when it’s farthest from the truth. Instead of people not liking you because you happen to have a little more than they have, they should figure out what’s wrong with them that’s allowing them to have the feelings they are having. It’s not your problem it’s there’s.

Many people have issues with individuals they know have achieved something when the opportunity is before us all in some way. It’s unfortunate some people can’t love you, because they are too filled with dissatisfaction concerning themselves. Instead of dealing with their own issues and reaching for the skies they can’t stand how other people chose to move forward.

Stop thinking people feel this way when they really don’t! I’ve seen many family members treat certain family members a particular way when they have a little more then them. They will either not really seem to care for the person because they are hating on them or they will gravitate towards the person trying to get what they can. People should love you for you being you and not for what you have. Any person doing otherwise has their own issues to contend with.

Yes; there are some people who achieve things and become boastful and arrogant. They act brand new (have their noses in the air). If you’re this type of person be careful, because the same way you got it, it can be gone. Lastly; you can’t take NOTHING with you when you leave this world. It’s very shallow to allow things (achievements regardless of what) to change you, because that’s all they are; things.

Speaking for myself; there is nothing I have or can obtain that will change me. I’m the same person regardless of what anyone thinks. In other words don’t allow how people treat you or what they think of you to hinder you. People will think what they think regardless. When you don’t give your power to them how they feel doesn’t affect you anyways!

The Other Woman/Mistress

Standard

After a conversation I had this weekend, I felt a need to talk about the above topic. There are many women who put themselves in positions to be categorized as the “other woman or the mistress.” It’s NOTHING to be proud of by no means. Some women have the audacity to call the wife or girl friend and tell her they’re sleeping with their husband or boyfriend. Many tell the wife or girlfriend explicit things about the relationships they’re having with the wives or girlfriends of significant others. This isn’t okay , it’s wrong, immature, and stupid.

My advice to any “other woman or mistress” is to get a life of their own and stop trying to ruin other women’s relationships. What this type of woman is doing proves she is a woman who don’t have a clue about what she needs and knows nothing about love. If she knew what she needed she certainly wouldn’t be with some other woman’s man.  If she knew anything about love, she would not seek it with a man who is already in a relationship; this type of situation has nothing to do with love.

If a man whose in a relationship approaches a woman she has the choice to tell him to beat it! Playing with fire can cause you to be burned (both of them)! Any woman who thinks it’s okay to mess around with someone else’s man is a woman who lacks integrity, values, morals, and a host of other things. Some of these women act heart broken when the men don’t leave their women or they harass the wives or girlfriends. It’s ridiculous.

Any woman who brags and boast about sleeping with someone else’s man is foolish. She is a woman who have no respect for herself and too immature to understand what she’s doing will come right back on her. This type of woman is very ignorant to think she has it going on because she’s with someone else’s man. First of all she obviously can’t get her own and secondly she’s very foolish to want someone else’s man. If he’s cheating with her on his wife or girlfriend, he’s showing upfront he’s no good. He’s showing upfront he isn’t trustworthy. He’s showing upfront he lacks morals and values. He showing upfront his commitment and dedication to a relationship are seriously flawed. He’s showing he’s immature.

If a woman thinks she’s doing something good by being with someone else’s man, the last laugh will be from the wife or girlfriend, because he will do to her the same thing he’s done to his wife or girlfriend. Sadly she’s too caught up in her emotions to see the truth.

Women must stop allowing themselves to get involved with men who are already involved with other women. STOP accepting ANY type of excuse from these no good men. If he says he’s going through a divorce then let him get through it. If he says they’re separated, then let him get a divorce. If he says he’s staying with her for the children, then he’s not for you, because he’s in a relationship already. If he says they only live together, but they aren’t together, LIES, LIES, LIES! Stop falling for it. Stop falling for it no matter what the excuse he gives to you. He’s with someone should be enough to send him on his way. I realize sometimes women are lied to by these men, but I believe if she is paying attention he will reveal in some way or another the truth. The signs will be present!

The man isn’t putting the other woman or mistress in a predicament or situation; she’s putting herself in one by going along for the ride. The particular woman that made me want to write this post bragged to the wife about she was paying the bills in her house (the wife’s house). How DUMB can you be???? If a woman is with a married man and she’s paying his bills, she is very stupid! Bad enough she’s in a relationship with him, but even worse; she’s paying his bills. On top of it she’s bragging to the wife about it. Very silly indeed! This is a woman who is led by her emotions into foolishness. She’s thinking with her heart and not her brain. The same way she’s bragging to the wife;  he’s bragging to his friends how he got him a sucker. Believe that!!

Although this post is about women it also relates to men as well. Some men do the exact same thing. They fall for women who are already with someone. It doesn’t matter who does it, it’s wrong! If a person can’t be faithful then they shouldn’t be in a relationship at all. Sometimes to cheat on someone cost people their lives. People aren’t playing games anymore they will take you out when you mess with their emotions. Don’t take any chances with ruining what you have.

I pray for anyone with a cheating spirit to get their lives together and change their ways before they destroy their lives. If you know you can’t be faithful it’s best to walk away before you find yourself in a situation you can’t handle. Marriage is supposed to be sacred. If you’re in a relationship but not committed you are wrong. If you don’t want to be there then it’s not where you should be. Karma is for real and it will bite you when you least expect it. Some of these women you cheat on aren’t playing and neither are some of the women you cheat with. You don’t know what doors you’re opening when you start messing with people’s emotions. Infidelity can get a person in a situation they regret. This goes for a cheating man or a cheating woman.

 

Words Sweet as a Honeycomb

Standard

Don’t be fooled by sweet and or slick talk. Too many are quickly deceived by the words that comes out of the mouth of people. A person’s words can sound real good, but aren’t worth a thing and doesn’t mean a thing, because the intentions behind the words are bogus.

When people haven’t matured they have the tendency to grasp on to whatever is said, because they are being led by their emotions and feelings. Later down the road they realize they bought “wolf tickets” that weren’t worth a thing.

A person can talk a good talk knowing the whole time they don’t intend to do what they say. They don’t mean what they say, they say it because they know it sounds good to the ears and they know you believe it. Remember I always say “we teach people how to treat us.”

You must learn to see the actions behinds a person’s words. When you see the actions it means those words has substance. The truth will always surface in some form if we are open to the truth. The problem is many are in too deep in their feelings and emotions, they overlook the truth.

There are many who are in relationships because the words spoken by their significant others sounded very good. We have heard forever “if it sounds too good to be true, it’s not true). Why is it that when it comes to relationships people completely forget about this cliché? People are too immersed in their feelings until they are oblivious to the actions of those they are with or perhaps want to be with. It is why many find themselves in unhealthy relationships. Their eyes are wide open but they fail to see a thing!

When I always say or write people are this way due to immaturity, I’m not trying to put anyone down at all. We all have been immature at some point in life. A person will mature by the aging process, but it doesn’t mean they are a mature adult, it ONLY means they have gotten older in age. People who are still being led by their emotions haven’t matured. Many people go through things, but they don’t learn from their experiences and oftentimes find themselves in and out of the same types of relationships with similar acting people. It’s because they having matured. Unfortunately some will die immature. Some people live, but never grow. They go through things, but don’t necessarily learn  which is how we grow and mature.

To really mature you must first know thyself. You must know who you are, by accepting all flaws and facing any issues you have inside to get to the point of loving thyself. You will learn from every experience and you will not allow what you’ve gone through to keep you in a stagnant state of mind. When you love yourself you will “guard your hearts.” You will no longer allow feelings and emotions to cause you to make the wrong decisions and choices. You will be able to see and enjoy the forest although it’s full of trees “so to speak.” You can see further than the end of your noses because your eyes are open and you can see the truth for the truth; beyond the smooth, sweet words. You will accept no matter how good something looks, sounds, feels, if it’s not good for you you’re not interested. Most importantly you will know the difference between wanting and needing something. or someone.

This post can relate to any facet of your lives. Stop going solely by what is said and start looking at the actions behind the words. If people do this a lot of  lives would be different. In my opinion a person’s words are only worth the actions behind them. A person can talk all day, yet do something totally different. They can speak a bunch of sweet nothings. Words can sound good, but hold no merit, because of the lack of actions behind them. When people get pass being led by their emotions and feelings they will understand this concept.