When you Don’t Love Yourself


It is apparent to most people, but not apparent to the individual. Most people think they have it all together, however the truth is told in the decisions people make about their lives. People are quick to say they want to know the truth until you give it to them, then they are upset with you.

There are many people in this world who are seeking love and many unfortunately think they’ve found it. My question is how do you know what love is from someone else when if you first don’t love yourself or haven’t really experienced it from anyone?

People focus on receiving love from others, but not on loving self. Other people will treat you exactly how you allow. I don’t care how good you treat someone else people will play with your heart, feelings, and emotions for as long as you allow. Why you may ask? It’s because they too have issues they need to face. If a person don’t know what love is they will accept what they are getting as love.

This is why we see many women and men getting with people who abuse them or kill them. They also abuse or kill their children. This is why we see people getting with individuals who drain them financially, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Again, people do to you what you allow. What they think is love simply is not!

When a person is desperate for love they will do anything to get it. This is a person who doesn’t love his or herself. There’s no way possible a person can love his or herself an allow someone else to mistreat them or their children. No way on earth! People who love self no their worth!

You shouldn’t have to buy love. By the way it’s impossible to buy love, people think they can. They aren’t buying love, they are buying the other person. Stop giving and watch what happens! You shouldn’t have to ever deal with abuse, disrespect, belittling, controlling individuals, obsessed or possessive individuals, or people who cause you or your loved ones harm. None of it signifies love in no kind of way.

A lot of people don’t know what love is, because it’s how they were brought up and unfortunately they got comfortable with it and settled for it. What I mean is as people get older who they choose to become falls on them. We can stay the same or we can choose to change. Point blank! People who do not embrace change carry baggage from one place to another continuing to pile up the drama in their lives and the lives of others.

If a person doesn’t love his or herself they will take and take either until some tragic happen or their eyes become open and they realize the unhappy relationship they are in. If you don’t love yourself people will sense your vulnerability and many will prey on you. Other people can sense when a person is eager in their quest for love. The people who prey have their own issues as well, but the individuals who become involved with them can’t see their issues, because they can’t see their own.

Love is many things, but it’s never abusive, disrespectful, controlling, demanding, obsessive, or possessive. It can’t be brought with money or material things. If you don’t love yourself it’s time to look in the mirror and deal with you! No one can fix you, but you!

Think about why are you allowing someone to treat you the way they are. Think about why you are settling. You will find it starts and ends with you! A person may try one time, but if you love yourself, you will nip it in the bud asap! Don’t allow your feelings and emotions to blind you to the truth. If you do you will always find yourself getting in a bad situation or staying in one. As I always say; face that man or woman in the mirror and accept a change needs to occur!


Do You Even Know What You Need


My question is what do you really need? Do you understand needs and wants differ? Many people are led by their wants and desires. They don’t care what they have to do to get what they want. They don’t care who toes they step on, who they hurt, who butt they have to kiss, who they have do, they don’t care if the person is married, in a relationship or what, many will still go after the person. This is wrong! They will surely end up regretting it. Most people cause their own issues by how they start out in their relationships.

I’ve said many times, people get into and stay in relationships for all of the wrong reasons. They get into relationships in all of the wrongs ways and with the wrong people who they never should have been involved with in the first place. Many find it out the hard way.

Most people don’t have a clue the type of person they need in their lives. They have too many issues and they are moving on emotions/feelings. They allow how they feel lead them into bad situations and bad relationships. Before a person can truly understand what they need, they must get past seeking what they want out of mere feelings and emotions. In order to have a lasting relationship people must look beyond feelings and self gratification and start looking at the big picture. If a person is led by their flesh they are liable to get into any type of relationship with any type of person. They are normally moving based on feelings alone.

When I write about people getting past feelings what I am trying to make people understand is that when they are driven by feelings alone they will always end up in situations they don’t want to be in. However, out of sheer feelings, desires, and wants individuals think it’s what they need when it’s not! Yes, feelings are a part of a relationship. However when a person is blind by their feelings it causes them the inability to see, accept, and understand reality due to their distorted views. When a person is all caught up in their feelings it is what they are led by. People must mature past this and to a point of seeing the truth for what it is. Although it may look and feel good, a mature persons know it doesn’t mean it’s good for them and they will know how to avoid it or keep it moving all together.

People should grow as they go through things in life, unfortunately many don’t. They continue to make the same mistakes over and over. They are people who are led by their feelings and emotions and more than likely have unresolved inner issues keeping them in the wrong mind set. Normally they don’t understand love, therefore they seek it in all the wrong ways. Love starts with self, if you don’t love yourself you will certainly have issues trying to find it in someone else. People mess up trying to get something from someone else when they don’t really know what it is, because they don’t love self. When you learn to love yourself you know and understand your value and worth. It changes how you look at things and what or who you accept into your life.

Truth is a person who doesn’t understand love will normally gravitate to people who are not good for them. They end up in bad unhealthy relationships. Many people are afraid to leave these relationships for numerous reasons. They fear losing the security they think they have, they are afraid to go because they are afraid of the person, they feel trapped, they are caught up emotionally and think it’s the best thing for them, and the list goes on. The only person can change a situation is the person in it! It starts with the man or woman in the mirror!

If Loving Someone is Wrong, Then why do it


My belief is why do it if you KNOW it’s wrong? People put themselves in a lot of bad situations by their own freewill. They meet someone and instead of looking at the big picture (the entire situation) they are blind by their feelings. If you start out a relationship the wrong way most times than not it is exactly the relationship will end. People don’t care they still will do it. They think they have the power to change the other person. They think they have the power to fix or save the other person. Wrong, wrong!

Men and women stop lowering yourselves to the ground by getting involved with someone who is already involved. Stop getting involved with people when you clearly see red flags. Stop getting involved with people who show you who they really are and you know it’s not right for you. Stop getting involved with people when they are cheating with you on someone one else. What does it say about him or her and what does it say about you to be involved with this type of person? It may seem great, but you will suffer the consequences of your actions sooner or later. There’s nothing great about it.

Millions get into bad relationships and because they are blind by their emotions and feelings they can’t see the truth. They see it, but they won’t acknowledge it until later when it’s clear things are wrong. As I’ve written many times, some people don’t get to leave because they die in their bad and unhealthy relationships. They are murdered by those they thought loved them.

Love is a lot of things to a lot of people. The sad truth is for many what they think is love it’s far from it. People have to look inside of self to understand why they choose the people they choose to become involved with when they know the relationship is not right for them. If it’s not right for you it means it’s not good for you! Run the other way before you’re in too deep!

People may appear the part (but you have to do more than look at the outside in order to see the inside, which also means looking past your feelings). Most people can’t get to that point, because they are stuck on the outer appearance or too wrapped up in THEIR feelings to see the truth when it is ALWAYS staring them in the face. I can’t even count the number of people who have told me “I did see signs of this and that, but I thought he or she would change.” The problem is people jump off into the deep based solely on how the other person is making them feel. Oftentimes people are deeply hurt by the one’s they think they want to become involved with, yet they look past it.

People have to grow up and realize when they allow their feelings to lead they will almost always end up crying about their relationships. There is absolutely no way to see the truth if you don’t use the brain inside of your head. When you use your brain, you don’t care how you feel; you will move on from the drama and shenanigans. You rather be alone and happy than to be with someone and feeling alone and unhappy. It’s a crock of bull when people say you can’t help who you fall in love with. I believe that’s a big fat lie! People can’t help it when they allow their feelings to lead. They become powerless because of their feelings and emotions. They can’t see the truth!

It’s no joke, the saying is very true “the same thing that made you laugh will make you cry!”

It’s not Love, it’s You


I posted about love being blind a year or so ago, I am readdressing this today. Despite what many believe love is NOT blind! Love is kind, patience, good, beautiful, and it is a word that describes emotions and feelings. A million people may have a million different descriptions for love, however it is only pure and good! God is love therefore it’s nothing but good! It is NOT what a lot of people think it is or claim it to be. One thing for certain it’s NOT blind! People who think they are in love are the one’s who are blind. They are blind by their emotions and feelings.

I don’t care how young or old many people are still led by their emotions and because of it they make horrible decisions and choices. Yes, due to different upbringings, environments, etc it can affect the way people think, perceive, feel, and act. However, ultimately as adults we can continue the same or choose to change.

People have many issues they haven’t faced or resolved, then they turn around and couple it with someone who also have their barrel of issues. They end up in chaotic relationships. They are either used or they are the users. They are controlled or they are the one’s who are controlling. They are abused or they are the abusers. They are manipulated or they are the manipulators. What I’m boiling it all down to is they have this negative load they transfer from relationship to relationship. They seem to continue to go in and out of relationships with the same type of people. They haven’t figured out that although the person they are with may undoubtedly have issues, they have a host of their own as well.

When a person is led by the flesh it is always for some form of self gratification. They will go to the extreme to get it. When it comes to their relationships these individuals are moved by what they are feeling and it clouds their judgment. No matter how bad their situations really are they can’t see the truth, because they are blind by their feelings and emotions. People around them can see, but the individuals who are involved can’t see the truth. People ONLY wake up when it’s so bad something has to give, they then begin to clear the fog. Unfortunately some never see through the fog!

These types of people have many insecurities. I’m speaking beyond the normal insecurities a person may have. I think we all have something, but not to the point of it affecting us. People who have issues they haven’t resolved or learned to cope with the affects of those issues allow their insecurities to wreak havoc in their lives. They are individuals who lean and depend on others for happiness. They seek love in all of the wrong ways, people, and oftentimes places. They need someone to make them feel validated. When they are in relationships they either love too hard too quick or their trust and insecurities causes other problems for them and their relationships.

The best recommendation I can give a person is to look inward at self. People can’t put the blame on no one, who we are lies with us. I know there are many avenues and experiences to get us to where we are, but individually we have
to take responsibility for who we choose to be. If people step back and look clearly at their situations they will see the truth. If people continue to be led by how they feel they will continue be led into places they really don’t want to be. People treat you EXACTLY how you allow them to treat you, they won’t change how they treat you until you change how you allow them to treat you! Get it!!

If people stop being obsessed by their feelings they can see clearly. People must first love self and when they do how they see things change. People who love self matures to a new level of understanding. They know they don’t need a woman or are a man to validate them and they embrace if they have to be alone until the right one comes along. They’re no longer interested in Mr. or Ms. Right now! They learn good looks don’t get it, money doesn’t get it, status doesn’t get, or any of those things. They will understand what they want may NOT be what they need!

Always look at your situation and never settle for one way love, because in truth it’s no love at all!

Nothing Compares to His Agape Love


The reason I go back revisiting many previous topics is because as long as the world go around many people will NOT get it. There will always be the same problems with different people experiencing them. No matter how much information is available, people will do exactly what they choose with no heed to the truth.

Many people are doing the unthinkable in order to be loved. People are seeking something they know NOTHING about. How can you receive something and know whether it is good or bad; if you know nothing about it?

In order to truly love someone you have to first know what love is and you must love yourself. People are continuously and feverishly without fail looking for love in all of the wrong ways, in all of the wrong places, and in all of the wrong people.

Below are a few things people will do in the name of what they perceive as love:

.People will forsake their children for love and allow harm to come to them, because they base their reality on how they feel about the person they are with…..They will kill, steal, and commit other heinous acts, because they accept anything to be in the life of the person they are with (ride or die)……They will tolerate physical, mental, verbal, and emotional abuse, because they want to hold on to their false sense of love……They will perform immoral sexual acts, because they are easily enticed and influenced by who they are with even if it means doing any nasty thing to please them…….They will engage in drugs and alcohol although they never thought to try it before, because they are trying to maintain a relationship or to fit in…….Many will join gangs or other types of groups to feel a sense of love and belonging……They will accept being treated any kind of negative way and completely overlook it due to feelings of their hearts…….Some will be cheated out of their possessions oftentimes losing everything, because they allowed their hearts to lead them blindly…..They will do things they are normally against or wouldn’t ever have done before, because they are blind by what they feel is love…..They will put up with excessive foolishness as long as they can say they have a man or woman. They think some man or woman is better than no man or woman at all. How sad is that??

I could honestly write out pages and pages of nonsense people will do in the name of what they THINK is love. However, I believe I wrote enough for you to understand what I mean. People willfully and foolishly go through pure hell in the name of what they perceive as love. They are constantly in and out of relationships seeking love yet are always ending up with the same results. Still, they don’t get it!

People are desperately seeking love when God is standing with His arms wide open ready to receive anyone who is willing to receive Him. If people would only give Him and His love a try. There is no greater love in the entire world. He won’t forsake us or leave us alone. No matter what we go through He is with us. His love is never ending and unconditional. There are no stipulations for receiving His love. It’s available to everyone all across the world. He loves us despite of and He wants us to love Him!

Read carefully, I repeat; there are no stipulations for His love. However, there are stipulations to how you must live your life; for it determines how you will spend eternity. He doesn’t give you a free pass because He loves you. He also chastises whom He loves. To make it to Heaven there is a particular way we must live and it’s outlined in the Word/Bible. Him loving us doesn’t mean we are exempt. Despite of His agape love we are STILL held accountable for how we choose to live.

No one can ever love us like Jesus the Son and God the Father. We can look high and low, but there is no one who can give agape love other than Jesus the Son and God the Father. People put ALL of their trust in their significant others who repeatedly let them down, but NONE in Jesus, someone who will NEVER let them down. These types of people will do anything to be with a person who doesn’t love them yet they turn from or don’t want to receive someone who loves unconditionally.

When a person falls in love with Jesus, the first thing He does is show you what love is and in doing that He teaches us to love ourselves. When a person love his or herself they WILL not allow any ole thing or person in their life. Seeing this change in you YES people will shun you, they will talk about you, and many times you will have to walk naturally alone. It’s okay, because spiritually Jesus is with you! People won’t understand the change in you. They are okay when you’re down and out, but when you get on the right track they either pretend not to see you or they hate what they see. Just know it’s NOT you, it’s the LACK of Jesus in them.

My recommendation is after you’ve tried everything else you want to try; try Jesus, He won’t leave you alone, talk about you, stab you in your back, tell lies on you, mistreat you, do you wrong or lead you wrong in any kind of way and He will always want what is best for you. He knows everything about you and knows you better than you know yourself. He doesn’t always give you what you want, but He will supply what you need! Allow Him into your life and discover who you REALLY are through Him!! There’s no love like His agape love!!

Walking Away From the Start


People must learn to do this! If people would walk away from things that aren’t right from the start many wouldn’t be in the predicaments they are in. People allow how they feel for a person get them into avoidable situations. I will guarantee you if you walk away from bad situations from the start it will save you drama and stress later on. For some walking away will save their lives.

I’m not saying walk away from a relationship without ever trying to work on it. I’m saying walk away from unhealthy people to avoid being in unhealthy relationships. You do this by adhering to the signs. Stop looking at the outer appearance, stop looking at what a person has to offer. A person can be rich and completely tainted and toxic. They aren’t worth the pain and suffering of being involved with them.

Many women get into relationships with men who clearly show them they aren’t right for them, but because they think they love their men they continue on with the relationships. Many later find they made bad choices and poor decisions. Too many women go solely off of how they are feeling about the guy instead of looking at what is actually taking place in their relationships. They go into relationships thinking their men will change, trying to save them, or thinking they can fix them. This is a foolish and immature way of thinking and it leaves women in bad unhealthy relationships. They are fixated on the sex, how he makes her feel, and basically it all is intertwined into how he makes her feel. These women seem to lose a grip on reality until finally their eyes are open, by then it’s too far gone.

Too many women subject their children to unhealthy and unsafe environments by allowing people who shouldn’t be around their children into their lives. Children can’t fend for themselves, they rely on their parents. Women who are too caught up in their men to see what is going on are women who have a lot of issues they need to deal with. It’s a sad situation for these women and their children.

Many women are allowing men to beat, molest, rape, and hurt their children mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It scars children for a lifetime. These types of women need to get their heads out of the sand. A man who mistreats a child is a man who will mistreat his woman. Wake up and protect your children. Too many children are becoming victims to the hands of their mom’s significant others. These types of things cause dysfunction in the lives of children then they grow to be dysfunctional adults making bad decisions like their parents. I’m not saying all children will grow into dysfunctional adults, but many will and we see it every single day in some facet in all walks of life.

Men get into relationships for the some of the same exact reasons. They think they can save a woman or fix her. They are captivated by the outer appearance (shallow thinking). They get caught up in their sexual feelings or what is being done for them and to them. Sex is sex, period. Some men and women may perform a little better than others, but the bottom line is sex is sex. Some men; same as women think the person they are with will change or that they can fix them. Men like women; allow what they are feeling in their hearts to lead them into making bad decisions and choices. This does nothing but cause chaos and havoc in the lives of many.

Walking away from bad situations prevents worse things from happening. I don’t care how good it makes a person feels, if it’s not a good relationship it is bad and therefore unhealthy and unsafe. When people stay in relationships too long they suffer the consequences of their bad choices and decisions in one way or another. Sometimes those around them suffer the consequences as well.

No man or woman has to be in unhappy, unhealthy, and unsafe relationships. People get into and stay in them by choice until one day they see the truth for what it is and by then they feel stuck there by some form of fear. It can all be avoided by paying attention to the signs and walking away before things goes too far. Love isn’t unkind, impatience, possessive, obsessive, or controlling. It isn’t verbal, physical, or emotional abuse in no sense of the word. If someone loves you they will not want to cause you or your loved ones any pain. Many people miss this because they are too focused on how they are feeling. They miss all the signs until it’s gone too far. Sad, but true!

Unhealthy People, Unhealthy Relationships


This is for a lot of people in unhealthy relationships. There are many people who are in terrible relationships. They are blind by their feelings and they will do anything to please the one they are with. For many people the focus is completely off. Most people drastically fail at getting to know the one they are with. They don’t adhere to the signs nor do they ask the right questions. All they care about is trying to win who they are trying to be with.

The reason people find themselves in terrible relationships is because their focus is on doing any and everything to please the one they are with. Many will even cross the line by doing things they wouldn’t normally do. They are moving solely on how they are feeling and unable to see the truth because of it. They think because they feel a certain way the actions behind their feelings will make the person they are with truly want to be with them. This isn’t so!

A person will take from you as long as you give. A person will do to you what you allow. It is you who teach the one you’re with how to treat you! If you think giving them everything is going to make them love you more, you’re wrong! They still won’t love you any more than they really do! Matter of fact some don’t love who they are with at all, they love what the person does to them and for them. Hurtful right? It’s true! It’s better to read about it then to be living it!

There are far too many people who get into one-sided relationships. They are too caught up in how they are feeling, therefore blind to the truth. They could see it if they chose to, unfortunately it’s not on the mindset of most; their interest is giving all they can to the other person, because they love them very much. At least so they think!

Don’t be a fool to love or to what you perceive as love. Perception is normally gravely distorted when a person is going off of their feelings. The more you think of someone (good or bad), the more provoking the thoughts become which leads to the over abundance of feelings. People are totally captivated by those feelings, which leads and have led many into terrible relationships. Many have lost their lives in bad relationships.

I’ve written many posts about this very issue, but no matter how much people read, hear, or see, they will foolishly get into unhealthy relationships. Some people don’t learn or change, because they don’t want to. They continue to live unhappy lives while wondering why their lives are unhappy. Makes no sense, but it’s the way many choose to live. Everything we do is about choices. We all make them whether good or bad.

When a person gives and gives to the significant person in their life never getting anything in return, except headaches and heartaches; they teach their significant other exactly how to treat them. When a significant other takes and takes, they teach the other person how to be treated. People who are focused on the feel good feeling will only see what they want. They are blind to everything else to a point and time when they are forced to open their eyes to the truth. By this time they are more than likely in an unhealthy relationship. At this point many are afraid to leave and afraid to stay. The ONLY way to avoid unhealthy relationships is by NOT getting into them in the first place!

I keep telling people love isn’t blind, those who think they are in love are blind by their perceptions of love.