Your Life is Your Life You Only Get One

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This week I’m giving you a triple treat (smile).

A lot of times people allow what they’ve gone through to hinder them for a lifetime. Life doesn’t have to be this way for anyone. Stop hindering your progress. Forgive, let go, and live! You may have started out able to point the finger at someone else, but you have 3 pointing back at you for a reason! What I mean is this; we all are products of what we’ve gone through. Whether good or bad it has an impact on our lives. No matter who contributed to the issues as maturing adults you must take responsibility for who or what you choose to become. There is no more room or time to play the blame game. It’s time to pick up the pieces and move on.

In writing this, I know many will probably say it’s easier said than done. I say, it’s only as hard as you make it. I’m not exempt! I’ve had my shares of ups and downs. However, I chose not to allow them to hinder my walk. As I’ve stated many times throughout my blogs; I learnt at an early age people will disappoint and hurt you. Sometimes they are the people you trust and love.
I learnt anyone who willfully hurt someone is a hurting person. Some type of misfortune took place in their life and they didn’t heal from it. This ISN’T an excuse, it’s simply the truth. NO ONE gets the greenlight to hurt someone else because they too at some point were hurt. People must face and deal with their pain in order to move on to be people with healthier states of minds.

Take a self assessment of your life. Don’t live thinking everything is okay, because you don’t think anyone know your little secrets. Many people continue down roads of destruction because they hide behind the truth thinking all is well, because no one knows. Oh it’s always shown through your decisions and choices in life. You can only fake it for so long then the truth will appear in some form or another. Trying to hide and/or pretend prevents you from maturing. It keeps people captive by their own ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. We all must deal with the issues affecting us, it’s the only way a person can grow.

Don’t give up on yourself, because you feel someone else gave up on you. Your life is yours and theirs belong to them. Allow no one to hinder your growth. If people don’t believe in you, it’s okay, you believe in yourself! Stop looking for acceptance and validation from others, because many times you will not get it. Other people have their own issues to work out, which by the way affects how they interact with you. Some people can’t love you, because they don’t love self. They can’t be happy for you, because they are unhappy with self. They can’t support you, because they have jealousy, malice, and envy in their hearts due to how they actually feel about self.

This is why I think it’s super important individuals take ownership and responsibility for who they are and who they choose to become. Don’t give power to anyone or anything, if you do then it means you lose the power that belongs to you! People make mistakes by thinking drugs, sex, alcohol, material things, etc will make them happy or fix their problems. No, they don’t and no they won’t! They in fact can make things worse. For one thing people will want more of it and another thing is nothing or no one can fix you, but you! It starts by forgiveness and facing the man/woman in the mirror.

There are millions of people stuck, because they don’t think they are worthy. They feel this way, because of all the issues they’ve gone through or how people have treated them. They didn’t heal from any of it, instead they carried it throughout their lives. It hinders their ability to move forward in life therefore; hindering their ability to grow. There are millions stuck in immature states of minds. They are led by their feelings and emotions. They find themselves in bad situations over and over again.

You can do whatever you set your mind to do. Just because something appears hard doesn’t mean you can’t overcome the obstacle. Things that are new appears to be hard, that is normal. However, never be afraid to challenge yourself. Never be afraid to try something different. A lot of people complain about their lives and their situations, yet they do nothing about it. You can’t expect to reap the benefit of another person’s labor when you’re not laboring for yourself! Nothing comes easy and it definitely won’t always be good. In this life we must take the good, with the bad, and the ugly. We will go in and out of situations, because our lives are like hills and valleys. Troubles come, but they will also go in time. Stop being your worst enemy and your own worst problem! Love yourself and live your life to the fullest! If you have to stand alone, it’s okay love yourself through the midst of it and remember this is your life, it belongs to no one else! I challenge you to make a change!

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You Think If You Change They Will Love You

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Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! People must stop giving all of their power and responsibility for their lives to the ones they love. Why? First of all; some significant others are people who sometimes don’t want to be with who they are with. Second, the person you’re with isn’t necessarily the one meant for you. Third, it’s your life and you have the control to decide who you allow in and out of it. Fourth, everything you want isn’t always good for you; people need to stop trying to hold on to people who don’t want to be held on to. If you give up your power, it’s a bad decision you’ve made and sooner or later you will realize it.

Too many people put the blame on themselves when it’s the other person. Grant it, you do have some fault in it as well, because you’ve freely given your power to someone to determine the outcome of your life. You basically let them decide whether you’re happy or not.

Many people in this world fall in love or in what they assume is love and in doing so want desperately for the other person to love them back and will do anything to receive this love. People who do this are those dealing with insecurities from past pains. These people blame themselves for why their significant others act the way they act. They feel if they can only change this or that about themselves their relationships would be better. It’s not the truth!

If a person doesn’t love you it’s because of a few reasons. They  simply aren’t as into you as you are into them. They still want to sow their “wild oats.” They’re not finished doing what they want to do; they aren’t ready to grow up into mature adults, and commitment is the last thing they want. These types of people  will always shift the blame on you to make you feel guilty. Stop allowing a person to make you feel you’re the problem.

People shouldn’t love who they’re with more than they love his or herself. When people who aren’t truly ready to be in relationships know this they oftentimes take advantage of the ones they supposedly love. They manipulate, take advantage of, and take for granted the ones they supposedly love.

I keep telling people that a person shows you what you mean to them in how they treat you. Someone told me this wasn’t true, because the person they were with provided well for them and was always home. However, after really talking with this individual she told me how they were always in total separate parts of the house, they didn’t communicate, and barely had intimacy between the two of them. To me, that’s NOT a healthy relationship. The blame falls on both individuals, because at the end of the day each is accountable for their own individual lives. Millions stay together for the same reasons they got together; (all of the wrong reasons).

What I am trying to make people understand through this post is stop foolishly thinking that if you change; your significant others will want to be with you or that they will love you the way you love them. It doesn’t work! If a person doesn’t love you or doesn’t truly want to be with you, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. You will do nothing but cause yourself pain by blaming yourself or doing things to try and make them love you. If you accept any type of treatment in the name of love, any type of treatment is exactly what you will receive.

THINK WITH YOUR BRAIN DON’T BE LEAD BY YOUR EMOTIONS

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Yes, I’m at it again. I pray that people get it. If you read my posts and you know someone who can benefit from them, please tell someone about them. I am addressing several situations, because we hear about them so much, but what I am going into detail about can be applied in any situation.

Too many people are getting into serious trouble because they are allowing what they’re thinking and feeling to lead them into bad situations. I promise you if you take the time to think about situations you’re involved in with CLARITY you will STOP making bad decisions.

Many across the world are finding themselves in bad situations due to those bad decisions. Emotions are powerful. They come from our thoughts and they can cause debilitation if we allow. If you ponder and ponder over something, you will keep whatever the thought is; fresh in your mind. You will get anxiety and other issues because of your negative ways of thinking. When thoughts are negative or plain WRONG this is when you should resist those thoughts. Don’t allow the feeling you’re experiencing to lead you in the wrong direction. You resist them by being responsible, honest, and straightforward with yourself. If it’s wrong, you must accept that it is wrong and you must think of the consequences from those negative ways of thinking and feeling. If you keep thinking on whatever it is, you will probably eventually act upon those thoughts and feelings.

People need to get a tight grip on reality and stop making senseless decisions based on their emotions. Stop getting into unhealthy and dead end relationships when the truth is right in your face. Too many people get into abusive (all forms) relationships and then wonder how they got there. You got there by ignoring the signs that presented before you. You were filled with emotions about the person and because of it you ignored the truth. People believe because of what THEY feel for the other person the person will feel the same about them and change. This is NOT the truth! Face reality and deal with it, make decisions that are good for you. Know your value and self worth, if you don’t you will forever make bad decisions.

The same goes for people who get caught up in sexual relationships with underage individuals or child porn. They have allowed their thoughts and feelings to cause them to act on things they KNOW are wrong. Although wrong, they keep allowing their twisted distorted ways of thinking to get them into deep trouble. People get into this warped sense of thinking, because a lot of times they were sexually abused. Regardless no one should EVER do to another person what was done to them. Learn positive ways to deal with those thoughts and feelings. You can’t do this by trying to hide them. You can pretend and try to hide those thoughts and emotions from other people, but you can’t pretend or hide them from yourself. If you have these ways of thinking and feeling, and you haven’t properly dealt with those issues you will eventually act on what you’re thinking and feeling.

The same goes for people who are contemplating hurting themselves, other people, or perhaps both. These people didn’t think about it one time, they have been pondering over those thoughts and they have been feeling some kind of way about it for a long time UNTIL they were consumed and overtaken by those negative thoughts and feeling. They end up doing the unthinkable. Again, this is what happens when people allow those negative thoughts to run free in their minds. They develop all of the emotions from that negative way of thinking.

Anyone and everyone who has the mental ability to understand or comprehend can change their ways of thinking about any situation by removing their self from it mentally. What do I mean? It’s not really anything hard to do, but people make it hard, because they don’t want to give up their old ways. The only way to grow is by applying it to your life so that change can occur. To remove yourself mentally is to take notice and ownership of those negative thoughts. You can’t deal with ANYTHING by pretending NOTHING is wrong. You must take ownership and responsibility of your negative thoughts. I don’t care what happened to you or who did it to you. You MUST take responsibility and ownership of your own life and the negativity you’ve come to embrace.

Once you take true ownership, you can then begin to think with a conscious determination. What I mean by that is; you must become fully aware of what you’re thinking. You must realize in order to foster change that you have to accept the fact that the thoughts are negative. For the purposes of this post, I’m talking strictly about how you feel about someone or something. Example; If you’re feeling all jolly about a man or woman who’s physically abusing you or mistreating you in ANY way, this is a negative way of thinking. You must accept it as such and not be lead by your emotions. If you do you’ll see clearer and have the sense, strength, and ability to move away from people and things that aren’t good for you.

The more you are aware the more you will alter your way of thinking by replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones and ultimately doing the right things. Don’t fool yourself in thinking because YOU feel good about something that it’s right. This is a distorted way of thinking, ESPECIALLY when what you’re thinking is wrong. This happens when people are going off of their emotions. Accept the truth, take ownership and responsibility that your thoughts and feeling have blocked your ability to think rationally. By doing this you’ll become conscious of those thoughts so you can bring about change.

I guarantee anyone; the more you are aware of your negative thoughts and begin to implement positive self-development the negativity will change into positivity. The only way you can do this is by saying no to yourself and embracing the positive thoughts (every time). You MUST be determined, dedicated, and most importantly CONSISTENT. The more you do this, the stronger you will become and you will begin to see a change in the way you’ve been thinking and allowing your emotions to control you.

I won’t lie and say that you won’t become frustrated, but know that anytime you’re trying to change something this will happen, because you’re implementing something new into your life. This form of self-development and growth will change you into a better, stronger person. It’s like anything else you want to learn, the more you practice this; the stronger you will become.

It doesn’t matter what happened, when it happened, who was involved in shaping and forming your negative ways of thinking, etc. Change ONLY starts with you! If you want to do it you can and you will. If not, you will still live in a world of lies and deceit. You will continue to lie, hide, pretend, etc until you’re caught in the act and the world has found you out or until you’re in a bad situation, and/or until you’re dead (mentally, spiritually, and oftentimes physically). Those are the outcomes of acting on negative thoughts and feelings. They make you feel good when they are not good. No one can be truly positive by living such a negative life.

My prayer is that you choose to change!!!