When you Don’t Love Yourself

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It is apparent to most people, but not apparent to the individual. Most people think they have it all together, however the truth is told in the decisions people make about their lives. People are quick to say they want to know the truth until you give it to them, then they are upset with you.

There are many people in this world who are seeking love and many unfortunately think they’ve found it. My question is how do you know what love is from someone else when if you first don’t love yourself or haven’t really experienced it from anyone?

People focus on receiving love from others, but not on loving self. Other people will treat you exactly how you allow. I don’t care how good you treat someone else people will play with your heart, feelings, and emotions for as long as you allow. Why you may ask? It’s because they too have issues they need to face. If a person don’t know what love is they will accept what they are getting as love.

This is why we see many women and men getting with people who abuse them or kill them. They also abuse or kill their children. This is why we see people getting with individuals who drain them financially, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Again, people do to you what you allow. What they think is love simply is not!

When a person is desperate for love they will do anything to get it. This is a person who doesn’t love his or herself. There’s no way possible a person can love his or herself an allow someone else to mistreat them or their children. No way on earth! People who love self no their worth!

You shouldn’t have to buy love. By the way it’s impossible to buy love, people think they can. They aren’t buying love, they are buying the other person. Stop giving and watch what happens! You shouldn’t have to ever deal with abuse, disrespect, belittling, controlling individuals, obsessed or possessive individuals, or people who cause you or your loved ones harm. None of it signifies love in no kind of way.

A lot of people don’t know what love is, because it’s how they were brought up and unfortunately they got comfortable with it and settled for it. What I mean is as people get older who they choose to become falls on them. We can stay the same or we can choose to change. Point blank! People who do not embrace change carry baggage from one place to another continuing to pile up the drama in their lives and the lives of others.

If a person doesn’t love his or herself they will take and take either until some tragic happen or their eyes become open and they realize the unhappy relationship they are in. If you don’t love yourself people will sense your vulnerability and many will prey on you. Other people can sense when a person is eager in their quest for love. The people who prey have their own issues as well, but the individuals who become involved with them can’t see their issues, because they can’t see their own.

Love is many things, but it’s never abusive, disrespectful, controlling, demanding, obsessive, or possessive. It can’t be brought with money or material things. If you don’t love yourself it’s time to look in the mirror and deal with you! No one can fix you, but you!

Think about why are you allowing someone to treat you the way they are. Think about why you are settling. You will find it starts and ends with you! A person may try one time, but if you love yourself, you will nip it in the bud asap! Don’t allow your feelings and emotions to blind you to the truth. If you do you will always find yourself getting in a bad situation or staying in one. As I always say; face that man or woman in the mirror and accept a change needs to occur!

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You say it’s Them, I say it’s You

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A question many should ask themselves is why do I settle for less???? Why do many of you feel you’re so undeserving???? If a person wants change they will make an effort to change. Change will only happen when a person has gotten to a point in life where they want change. Many people are merely existing. I think this is beyond sad. Way too many people have become content with life, they have gotten used to being the way they are they don’t realize they need to change. In order for something different to happen a person must do something different. Too many people settle, period! People settle in their jobs, relationships, mindsets, and most aspects of their lives. I believe in order to change any of it,  a person must first change their negative mindset. Most don’t understand by them being content and complacent it is something negative they need to change.

I have spoken to and know personally many people who are unhappy in their relationships. Who do you think has the power to change it? Only the individual who’s unhappy. A person’s happiness shouldn’t be based upon ANYONE else. If it is this is someone who has freely given their power to someone else and it’s a sign something is wrong that needs to be fixed within self. When you’re in a relationship and the other person isn’t really about you, they will show it in some way. They will talk negative, disrespect you, be oblivious of your feelings or concerns, take you for granted, defile your relationship by involving others, take all you have but give nothing in return, mooch off of you until you’re drained mentally-physically-and materially.  Although they obviously have their own issues, the real problem doesn’t lie with the other individual it lies with you; the one who allows it.

If people could only understand their value and worth. If they only knew they have the power to accept or NOT accept crap their significant others give them. I always say we teach people EXACTLY how to treat us. They figure it out quick, but the ones on the receiving in don’t get it. The reason people don’t get it because they haven’t yet dealt with their own issues which keep them trapped in wrong ways of thinking, feeling, and acting. People are so gullible and accepting when it comes to love. They “can’t see the forest from the trees.” They miss so much because they are blind and can only comprehend what they want even when it’s not good. In the meantime they’re missing the truth. They are led by emotions.

Do you know what you think is followed up by what you fee;, which pretty much determines how you will act? Most think one way and do another, who a person really is isn’t what they display, people lie about who they are, how they feel, etc.etc. It all comes from what’s really inside of us. If people haven’t dealt with their issues, etc those issues will be the driving force in all of the decisions they make in life (good or bad). You can do good, but have bad intentions behind what you did, which still is bad. Those issues will eventually deal with  them showing up throughout their lives and seen through bad choices and decisions. People are moved by emotions rather than reality. It’s their distorted view of the truth, because people seek self gratification at any and all cost.

We’ve all at some point made bad choices and decisions, but we must mature and unfortunately not everyone does. What a person has gone through in life no longer can hurt them, people are hurting themselves by hanging on to those things. The events are over, the memories are left. People must make conscious decisions to no longer give those memories power in their lives. Anything uncontrolled controls us. You never forget, but it doesn’t mean you have to give it power. When people grasp this concept their lives will change. When they don’t they are those people who continuously go in and out of relationships enduring the same things with the same types of people. They are treated exactly how they allow.

Not only that once a person really matures, they understand people have agendas (good and bad). A mature person accepts people for who they are (knowing that who they are isn’t necessarily who they are pretending to be). You learn all of this by not just going through things, but learning as you go. Learning from all you encounter is what strengthens and matures us. At least in my experience and opinion. Experiences teaches us what TO do next time and what NOT to do again. Many people choose to go through the same things over and over. They don’t learn they only experience. This is why so many are unhappy in their relationships and accept any and everything from people who claim to love them.

In an earlier post I mentioned that if a person learn to love his or herself, this will be an individual who will not allow any and everything in their lives. They will understand self worth and value. They will no longer seek love in all of the wrong ways, places, and from the wrong people. They will see the truth when it’s revealed and will not be blind by what they want due to emotions. They may feel with their hearts, but they will use their brains also to make better choices and decisions.  They will see the truth and when it’s revealed they won’t have any problems with moving on and away from mess. They will learn what love is and what love isn’t. Trust me, you can be this individual, but you must want to be. Stop allowing people to do what they want to you, no longer give away what belongs to you; your power!

Some people are completely miserable in their relationships, yet they stay. I say to these people take one moment and think about how your relationships started. Most times they end the way they begin or the same issues they started with will be the very ones plague them throughout their relationships. I don’t know why people think things will change, because most times they don’t. If you accept it in the beginning; expect it throughout the relationship, that’s just how it goes. Zebra’s don’t change their stripes! People can change, but oftentimes if you take any and everything to get or keep someone, you will have nothing but misery to pay for the consequences of your actions. The choice is ALWAYS yours!

 

 

 

SETTLING AS A SIDE PIECE

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All I will say is if the shoe fits wear it. You want to be the main one when you’re second in line. Why, why, why? Why do people settle for this? Why do you think you’re so special he/she will leave their spouse or girlfriend for you? Why would you want them to? Don’t you know if someone cheats with you, they will cheat on you? Stop allowing yourselves to be treated this way.

Some women and men both got the nerves to try an cause trauma for the significant other’s of the person they’re cheating with. This is absolutely wrong. You have no right to do this! Get your head out of the sand and face reality. If the man or woman you’re messing with is already in a relationship they’re off limits; whether they act it or not. People should have enough dignity and integrity that they think more of themselves then to be someone’s side piece. It means you’re second in line and you will always be for as long as you allow it.

An individual who’s in a relationship yet getting their kicks from their side piece is a person who is immature and needs to grow up. They’re not committed to the relationship they’re in and they certainly can’t commit to anyone else. If they’re cheating on their significant other they won’t be faithful to anyone else and that’s a fact.

I’ve said a million times and will continue to say; people will always do you exactly how you allow them too. If a person is foolish enough to get involved with an individual who’s already in a relationship the first person they need to look at and deal with is the one starting back at them in the mirror.

No matter how strong a TAKEN person comes on to you, get out of your emotions and see the truth staring you in the face. If you’re interested in someone you meet one of the FIRST questions should be are you married or in a relationship with someone. Don’t wait to allow yourself to get all mixed up by your emotions. This is something you need to address right away. If the answer is yes, you need to keep stepping.

Too many people out there are settling as side pieces. Most are only getting sex. Others get some material things here and there, but the man or woman goes home to their significant other. Then the side piece has the audacity to get upset and start drama when they can’t get the time, etc from the person they’re cheating with. They knew in the beginning what they were getting into. Individuals show the world how insecure and desperate they are when they get with someone who’s already involved with another person.

A lot of people get into these relationships but the individuals they’re with (mostly men) don’t want their side pieces giving up the goodies to anyone but him; while he’s getting the goodies wherever and whenever he can. They want to give just enough to the other woman to keep her wanting for more. This is child’s play! Ladies and gents stop settling for these roles. They get you no where but heart broken.

If they do it with you they will do it to you. They’ll mess with you and someone else while they’re yet in a relationship with their significant other. Why? It’s because they can’t be faithful. If they’re miserable at home then let them handle that, before they pull you into his or her drama. Love yourselves enough to avoid these type of situation. Stop allowing the emotions of your hearts to put you into situations you don’t want to be or should be in.

If someone approaches you don’t hesitate to ask them are they married or involved with someone. If the answer is yes, FORGET everything else (next thing comes the excuses), you run as fast as you can. Don’t let your heart get you messed up in the head and off focus, because of your emotions. If you ever been cheated on then you know how it feels, don’t do it to anyone else. Know your worth and value yourself. Respect yourself and your sister or brother.

May God bless you and may you grow more stronger and wiser every day.