Going Against the Grain Despite the Signs

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Many people get into relationships knowing full well they see the signs present. Problem is they choose to ignore the signs until they are overwhelmed, overtaken, and consumed emotionally. People willfully put themselves in bad situations expecting good results. It doesn’t work! They go into relationships blindly allowing emotions and feelings to lead.

People who do this has issues they need to resolve. No one can see clearly when they are blind by their feelings and emotions. People who do this oftentimes find themselves in situations they didn’t imagine being in.

Significant others know exactly how to treat the people they are with, because they are taught by those individuals. Significant others who haven’t overcome their own issues will bring their issues into the relationship. Then you have two individuals who are both blind by their feelings and emotions. This leads to destruction. There’s no true ability to communicate when communication is the key to any relationship.

It’s hard to understand what you need when you’re hell bound on getting what you want. Many times people get what they wanted only to find out they don’t want it at all.

I can’t tell people enough the importance of knowing and loving yourself. It’s very important in relationships. A true healthy relationship starts with self. Knowing who you are, being self aware, and loving self helps keep you focused and smart about what you really need. You learn to see beyond emotions and feelings. When you figure you out, people will then sometimes have a problem with you, because they have problems with self. They expect for you to be the way you used to be.

My suggestion to people is to figure self out. Learn to love yourself before you try to commit to and love someone else. Take time to enjoy you. Some people jump from relationship to relationship, because they don’t know how to be alone. I’ve seen it time and time again. People from all walks and caliber of life do this. A lot of times people think folks with a lot of money do things differently. This may be true as for buying things, going places, etc, but as for relationships, many are dealing with the same types of issues. Nothing changes what’s inside, but change itself. Money, fame, fortunate, titles, will not do it. What’s inside is always shown through bad choices and decisions and it doesn’t matter who the individual is or what they have. What a person thinks and feels about self is shown through their choices and decisions. In life they will go against the grain, because they think it’s best for them when it’s not!

Some people don’t care how plain the writing is on the wall to others because they can’t see the writing on the wall for self. They go against the grain out of the love they think they feel. For many it has caused great stress and for some their lives. The signs do not lie! They will present every time, but people ignore them due to their feelings. They think they love the person and they feel they got to have the person. Then they begin to see the chaos and drama in their lives.

Some people don’t attempt to get out of unhealthy relationships, because they are afraid. They are afraid to stand on their own two feet. They are afraid of the person. They are afraid of how they will make it. If you’re afraid for any reason you’re in the WRONG relationship!

No one can give what a relationship deserves when they haven’t yet learned to love self and are not self aware. They will always be led by how they feel, because it will over power everything else making them look at things in a distorted view. People will use and abuse you, because they know you will take it. You teach your significant other exactly how to treat you! If you keep making the same types of decisions and choices it’s a clear sign you’re not learning from your experiences!

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Signs Are Ignored, But Still Exist

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It’s a shame the situations we willfully put ourselves in. I am including myself, because once upon a time I did it too, but thank God I learnt better and now do better. I’ve learned from every situation (good and the bad) in my life. It taught me what to accept and what not to accept. I clearly see pass feelings and emotions. It’s takes loving self and growth to get to such a point. When a person wants to change they will do it!

I keep reminding myself maturity doesn’t necessarily come with age. People make many bad decisions based on the state of mind they’re in. It’s all related to what is the true you! You can hide it from others, but never from yourself. People can present themselves as one thing and by the way, most do. However, if you want to know the truth simply watch and the truth will present itself in some form or another. It is always seen through a person’s decisions, choices, and ultimately their actions.

You all know I’ve written countless times “we teach others how to treat us and you will always be treated how you’ve allowed.” That is fact! If you choose to get into a relationship with someone who is constantly giving you drama, drama is what you will get. If you get into a relationship in the wrong way, with the wrong person, for the wrong reason, drama is what you will get. Trust and believe drama is on the way!

To break it down further. If a person don’t love self they are bound to be led by their feelings. If a person is carrying a lifetime of old baggage, they are bound to be led by their feelings and emotions. If a person gets with someone who is already with someone, it’s because of inside issues. To be with someone and do things you are uncomfortable with and wouldn’t normally do it’s due to what’s inside. If you allow yourself to be abused, mistreated, or disrespected, it’s because of what’s inside. I can go on and on. The point I am trying to relay is, people treat you how you allow. People allow this because they too are carrying their own baggage they need to deal with. Theirs is affecting them and yours affecting you. Now what do you think it will be? Chaos and drama, yet people will swear it’s love, when love hasn’t a thing to do with it.

People show you who they really are, sadly individuals fail to believe it. Signs are missed due to feeling and emotions. It all comes from negative states of mind people are trapped in and have become comfortable with. People find it difficult to see past their emotions and feelings until they find themselves drowning in a sea of chaos they willfully subjected themselves to. I know it’s a hard pill for many to swallow, yet it is still the truth! No one can change you or your situation other than you!

So many individuals get into relationships thinking they can change the other person. If they can’t change them they think they can save or fix them. You can’t save, fix, or change anyone; this includes your children, significant others, friends, family, or other people. One thing for certain is you can lose your peace, health, and strength in trying. It will leave you drained in more ways than one.

Stop loving people to death! They live and be who they choose to be while some of you die! I mean literally (stress, depression, suicide, etc) and if you don’t literally die you’re dead spiritually. You lose yourselves in trying to fix, save, or change other people. It’s nonsense! Know your worth and lay down boundaries and standards. You must first love you! When you love yourself you won’t allow anyone to bring unnecessary drama into your space/life!

There are a lot of people who get involved with individuals they swear they love and these individuals introduces them to drugs and alcohol. People are introduced to the streets, sexual immorality, and all kind of God forsaken things! Listen if you’re with someone who is introducing you to things which could devastate your life, you’re with the wrong person! Use common sense! No significant other is worth pain and drama in your life. Pain and drama goes hand in hand! Love has NOTHING at all to do with it. Getting involved with people who are bringing chaos in your life says a lot about you! It tells you something in your life needs fixing! To ignore it only adds to your internal issues. You’re trying to fix someone when you haven’t dealt with your own issues, now you’re dealing with those of the person you’re with as well. This is unnecessary stress and drama!

There are always signs! People don’t change into someone you don’t want to be with, they were already that way, but the signs were ignored, because you couldn’t see past your feelings and emotions. When things get unbearable, then and only then can people see the real deal; which was there all along! Unfortunately some people refuse to ever see the truth, because they can’t get past their feelings due to their states of mind. They make things solely about what they want and desire based on their feelings. They ignore the truth!

If Loving Someone is Wrong, Then why do it

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My belief is why do it if you KNOW it’s wrong? People put themselves in a lot of bad situations by their own freewill. They meet someone and instead of looking at the big picture (the entire situation) they are blind by their feelings. If you start out a relationship the wrong way most times than not it is exactly the relationship will end. People don’t care they still will do it. They think they have the power to change the other person. They think they have the power to fix or save the other person. Wrong, wrong!

Men and women stop lowering yourselves to the ground by getting involved with someone who is already involved. Stop getting involved with people when you clearly see red flags. Stop getting involved with people who show you who they really are and you know it’s not right for you. Stop getting involved with people when they are cheating with you on someone one else. What does it say about him or her and what does it say about you to be involved with this type of person? It may seem great, but you will suffer the consequences of your actions sooner or later. There’s nothing great about it.

Millions get into bad relationships and because they are blind by their emotions and feelings they can’t see the truth. They see it, but they won’t acknowledge it until later when it’s clear things are wrong. As I’ve written many times, some people don’t get to leave because they die in their bad and unhealthy relationships. They are murdered by those they thought loved them.

Love is a lot of things to a lot of people. The sad truth is for many what they think is love it’s far from it. People have to look inside of self to understand why they choose the people they choose to become involved with when they know the relationship is not right for them. If it’s not right for you it means it’s not good for you! Run the other way before you’re in too deep!

People may appear the part (but you have to do more than look at the outside in order to see the inside, which also means looking past your feelings). Most people can’t get to that point, because they are stuck on the outer appearance or too wrapped up in THEIR feelings to see the truth when it is ALWAYS staring them in the face. I can’t even count the number of people who have told me “I did see signs of this and that, but I thought he or she would change.” The problem is people jump off into the deep based solely on how the other person is making them feel. Oftentimes people are deeply hurt by the one’s they think they want to become involved with, yet they look past it.

People have to grow up and realize when they allow their feelings to lead they will almost always end up crying about their relationships. There is absolutely no way to see the truth if you don’t use the brain inside of your head. When you use your brain, you don’t care how you feel; you will move on from the drama and shenanigans. You rather be alone and happy than to be with someone and feeling alone and unhappy. It’s a crock of bull when people say you can’t help who you fall in love with. I believe that’s a big fat lie! People can’t help it when they allow their feelings to lead. They become powerless because of their feelings and emotions. They can’t see the truth!

It’s no joke, the saying is very true “the same thing that made you laugh will make you cry!”

What you Allow Tells the Truth About you

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Although this can affect all facets of a person’s life, I am right back on the subject of people in abusive relationships. In the past two weeks I’ve heard of 2 women and 1 man dying at the hands of their significant others.

I’ve said and written countless times if you’re too afraid to leave you’ve stayed too long. If you feel trapped, you’ve stayed too long. Too many people continue to get into abusive relationships.

I believe what people accept and allow in their lives indicates who they really are. It shows a lot about the individual. People can pretend all day the truth shows in the decisions and bad choices people make.

No one is exempt! This happens to rich and famous as well as all races and genders. The only exempt people are those who have matured to a point of understanding who they are and loving self. These people will NOT allow just any ole person into their lives. They want what is best for them. They do NOT allow their hearts to lead without using their brains at the same time. They know what feels good isn’t necessarily good for them. They know “everything glitters isn’t gold.” They know people say one thing, but will do another. They aren’t led or influenced into relationships by their feelings, because they have learned to walk away from anything that is potentially unhealthy for them. It’s something people learn to do when they learn from their past choices and decisions, when they figure out and work on self, and when they learn to love self enough to demand better for self.

Many people are full of baggage they’ve carried for years which has caused them insecurities to include low esteem and low self confidence. The problem is people are in denial. Most people think they have it together, but if they would step away from their feelings and look at the truth they will see they don’t. People need to step out of their feelings into the truth. The truth hurts, because it’s the truth. The truth shows us the real deal whether it’s accepted or not.

Many people choose to get into and stay into unhealthy relationships because they are looking for love. They think by being with someone they will have love and security. You can’t find something in someone you don’t have in yourself. When people do this they are left with more heartaches and pains then before they entered into their relationships. They are totally blind by their perceptions of the truth. Their self esteem and confidence is very low and they normally are full of self blame. They lie and try to hide the abuse they endure and the take the blame many times when they are publicly abused.

All of this allowance and acceptance is due to what people feel about self. They don’t think they deserve better. They accept the wrong people into their lives. They desperately want love, when they obviously don’t know what love is, and when they don’t even love self.

When entering into relationships people must know what they need above what they want and the difference between the two. If you don’t know the difference research it and then think about it. In relationships getting what you want is based mostly on feelings of the heart (sex, money, looks, statuses of people, material things). None of it will hold a relationship together and none of it makes a person into who you wish for them to be. People are led by their feelings and emotions. They want what makes them feel good instead of what is good for them. This has led many into abusive relationships with deadly consequences for many.

Stop thinking it’s love when a person wants constant controlling tabs on you, when they tell you what to wear, when they tell you where you can and can’t go, when they ostracize you from others, when they want to control your time, when you can’t do anything without them being present, when they (push, spit on, hit you in any form) you, when they are very disrespectful in how they speak to you while alone or in public, or when they have total control over the relationship. There are many other things abusive people will do, NONE of it is love. They are displaying dangerous warning signs.

There is a difference between loving and caring for a person’s well being versus trying to control a person in obsessive and possessive ways. It is NOT love! People who do this has deep seated issues. Those who accept and allow it also has their own deep seated issues. There are ALWAYS signs, I don’t care if they’re subtle or not, they are always present. Love isn’t blind, people are blind in what they think is love.

Many people get caught up in their feelings. They think what they feel is real. They think what they feel is good for them. How do you know what’s good for you when you don’t know what love is and you don’t love yourself enough to adhere to what’s NOT good for you? People who are searching for love grab and hold on to anything making them feel good, even when it’s not good. They are blind by those feelings and emotions. They oftentimes make excuses for their abusers. They don’t understand this is enabling and giving their abusers the green light to continue abusing them. It has NOTHING to do with love.

When a person doesn’t know their worth outwardly they make act differently, but inside they are full of insecurities coming to the surface. It shows through the allowances and acceptances in their lives. A person can fake and pretend all day, but the truth shows. As I stated earlier NO ONE is exempt. Until people wake up they will continue to get into and stay in abusive relationships. Unfortunately many will continue to die at their hands of their significant others.

Walking Away From the Start

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People must learn to do this! If people would walk away from things that aren’t right from the start many wouldn’t be in the predicaments they are in. People allow how they feel for a person get them into avoidable situations. I will guarantee you if you walk away from bad situations from the start it will save you drama and stress later on. For some walking away will save their lives.

I’m not saying walk away from a relationship without ever trying to work on it. I’m saying walk away from unhealthy people to avoid being in unhealthy relationships. You do this by adhering to the signs. Stop looking at the outer appearance, stop looking at what a person has to offer. A person can be rich and completely tainted and toxic. They aren’t worth the pain and suffering of being involved with them.

Many women get into relationships with men who clearly show them they aren’t right for them, but because they think they love their men they continue on with the relationships. Many later find they made bad choices and poor decisions. Too many women go solely off of how they are feeling about the guy instead of looking at what is actually taking place in their relationships. They go into relationships thinking their men will change, trying to save them, or thinking they can fix them. This is a foolish and immature way of thinking and it leaves women in bad unhealthy relationships. They are fixated on the sex, how he makes her feel, and basically it all is intertwined into how he makes her feel. These women seem to lose a grip on reality until finally their eyes are open, by then it’s too far gone.

Too many women subject their children to unhealthy and unsafe environments by allowing people who shouldn’t be around their children into their lives. Children can’t fend for themselves, they rely on their parents. Women who are too caught up in their men to see what is going on are women who have a lot of issues they need to deal with. It’s a sad situation for these women and their children.

Many women are allowing men to beat, molest, rape, and hurt their children mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It scars children for a lifetime. These types of women need to get their heads out of the sand. A man who mistreats a child is a man who will mistreat his woman. Wake up and protect your children. Too many children are becoming victims to the hands of their mom’s significant others. These types of things cause dysfunction in the lives of children then they grow to be dysfunctional adults making bad decisions like their parents. I’m not saying all children will grow into dysfunctional adults, but many will and we see it every single day in some facet in all walks of life.

Men get into relationships for the some of the same exact reasons. They think they can save a woman or fix her. They are captivated by the outer appearance (shallow thinking). They get caught up in their sexual feelings or what is being done for them and to them. Sex is sex, period. Some men and women may perform a little better than others, but the bottom line is sex is sex. Some men; same as women think the person they are with will change or that they can fix them. Men like women; allow what they are feeling in their hearts to lead them into making bad decisions and choices. This does nothing but cause chaos and havoc in the lives of many.

Walking away from bad situations prevents worse things from happening. I don’t care how good it makes a person feels, if it’s not a good relationship it is bad and therefore unhealthy and unsafe. When people stay in relationships too long they suffer the consequences of their bad choices and decisions in one way or another. Sometimes those around them suffer the consequences as well.

No man or woman has to be in unhappy, unhealthy, and unsafe relationships. People get into and stay in them by choice until one day they see the truth for what it is and by then they feel stuck there by some form of fear. It can all be avoided by paying attention to the signs and walking away before things goes too far. Love isn’t unkind, impatience, possessive, obsessive, or controlling. It isn’t verbal, physical, or emotional abuse in no sense of the word. If someone loves you they will not want to cause you or your loved ones any pain. Many people miss this because they are too focused on how they are feeling. They miss all the signs until it’s gone too far. Sad, but true!

Another Senseless Killing

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Many of us have heard about the recent killing of a teacher by her husband of one month. He killed her and then killed himself. This man didn’t wake up deciding to kill her, he had thought about it for a while. I’ve written many posts about people ignoring the signs. It’s no joke, it’s real. People are losing their lives, because they are too caught up in their emotions and feelings to see the signs.

I heard the relatives of the deceased teacher say as soon as the couple were married they saw the true him. The relative stated the guy changed. I don’t believe it for one second. He made not have shown his true colors to her family, but I bet he showed them to her. I’m sorry, I just do not believe there aren’t signs of the truth. I believe there are always signs no matter how subtle. The man who went into the classroom to kill his wife had a violent past which included domestic violence (sign). If she knew, why would she get into a relationship with him? If she didn’t know, I’m sure signs showed his tendencies for violence; yet she still chose him.

As I’ve always said, a person can only fake for so long, the truth will always surface. Many abusers have a way of manipulating and coercing. They know how to deceive and make their victims believe they are sorry for what they did (UNTIL THE NEXT INCIDENT). Women have to stop ignoring the signs. An abuser knows what to say and what to do. They are fighting their own demons. They want to control and dominate their victims.

I talked with many people after getting out of bad relationships who all said when they look back they could see the signs, but at the time of going through they FAILED to see them. Too many people lose their lives, because they do not adhere to the signs.

I’ve said it before and will  continue to say it; if a person is afraid to leave a relationship they have stayed too long. If a person feels trapped, they have stayed too long. The ONLY way to avoid unhealthy relationships is by NOT getting into them in the first place. People must learn to see past their emotions. It doesn’t matter how good it feels a person must see past their feelings. If it’s not right, what made you laugh will surely eventually make you cry.

Women and men who allow their feelings to lead them in and out of bad relationships need to look inward. They are seeking something in others they don’t have in self; which is love. When a person really love his or herself  they WILL NOT allow their feelings to blind them. They will walk away from drama and unnecessary mess. They will not give their power to anyone else and they will adhere to the signs. They won’t have any problems with being alone until the right one comes along. They are NOT depending on anyone else to live or for love and happiness. If you’re not happy alone, you won’t be happy with someone else, because your issues compiled with their issues is a time bomb waiting to blow.

Some individuals have their on issues and because of their issues of insecurities, lack of esteem and confidence, not loving themselves amongst other things; they allow people into their lives who they THINK love them. They bring bad unhealthy people around their families putting them smack in harm’s way. They fall for any form of love to get some form of love. Unfortunately this has caused many women and men to lose their lives.

It’s great to be loved, but first you must know what love is and what it isn’t. It’s NEVER abusive, ever! The problem with some people is they become lost in their feelings. They dismiss the treatment they are receiving and the many signs present. They feel good sporadically but they don’t understand they’re in an unhealthy relationship. They allow those good feelings to make them oblivious to the truth! They believe they can change the person, they believe it won’t happen again, they dismiss family and friends telling them what they see, etc. etc. This all happens, because these individuals are blind to the truth and they want what they want; even when it’s no good for them.

Be careful and guard your hearts. Don’t allow people into your lives who will hurt you. Open your eyes to the truth. It’s great to be in love, it’s great to be loved, but make sure you know what love is and definitely what it isn’t. Make sure you aren’t seeking something in someone because of something you’re lacking or never had. If you are you may find yourself in bad relationships and oftentimes it’s a repeating cycle. These types of people have often been in similar relationships with similar type people. If a person plays roulette long enough in any aspect of their life, eventually the unfortunate happens. Many people don’t understand the things they harbor inside can lead them into making the worse decisions and choices ever! In many cases it has caused individual’s their lives. Open your eyes and see the truth for what it is, even if it means getting the heck out of a relationship before it gets any deeper.

 

 

 

 

The Signs Don’t Lie

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IF the one you want to be with or is supposedly with only communicates with you through texting, then THEY aren’t that into you!!! When will some people get it? Look at the signs! Some of you are sitting somewhere right now waiting on a text. Stop expecting the one you want to be with or is supposedly with to be as available as you ALWAYS make yourself. The problem with many people especially women is they’re too dog gone available. You’re there at every beckoning call. Every text you receive, you’re on a reply within seconds when in return you have to wait minutes, hours, and sometimes days for a response. After hearing from them, some of you are as happy as rats in a cheese factory, (missing all the signs of the truth). Some people dismiss way too many relevant things.

When a person is insecure, eager, or desperate it shows in their bad choices and bad decisions. When a person finds all the time in the world for the person they love, but the individual has little time for them; this is a sign! Many miss this signs, because any bit of time they get they’re happy as can be; while totally overlooking the truth. Step back and assess your relationships! See who is doing all of communicating (calling/texting),then ask yourself is the person you’re with or want to be with giving to you what you need in return. If not, this is exactly what you’re bound to get once you settle for this type of relationship. How you’re treated will more than likely NOT change. If you accept excuses and crap from the start most times you will receive it throughout your relationships.

When a person isn’t as into you as you are them, they won’t take or make the effort you will take or make. This is a clear indication that something else is up! The receiver must face the fact it is what it is. If you settle you will get less than you deserve, point blank!! Don’t get twisted up about it, shake it off as their loss and move on. Stop settling for mess because it is all you will get in return! That’s a promise and a guarantee!!

Stop allowing people to handle you. This means stop letting people dictate to you, your happiness. You can give all you have, you can be available anytime and all the time, none of it will make him or her feel about you the way you feel about them. Some women think their cookies or their bodies are IT, they think it’s like no other. These women are fooling themselves, because a cookie is a cookie and a butt is a butt neither will keep your man at home and it sure won’t make a man want to make you a wife or even be with you the way you want him to be. He will get what he can when he can and still do exactly whatever else he wants to do. You can turn monkey flips upside down and do whatever he asks, if he’s not into you like you are him he will not give to you what you are looking for. This goes the same for men. You can do all you can, give all you have, but if she doesn’t feel about you the way you feel about her, it won’t matter!

My desire is to make people understand that no matter what you do if a person isn’t feeling about you the way you feel about them none of what you do or say will matter. They will continue to treat you the way you allow. They will never give you what you would like, because they don’t feel you like you’re feeling them. This is your truth, but many won’t accept it. They continue to pressure and push their way through until they finally are left feeling hurt. It’s not his or her fault it’s yours. The reason it’s yours is because you ignored the signs.