Your Feelings Are In Your Way

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I talk about self love a lot. It is absolutely necessary, because without it people subject themselves to unnecessary drama. Most times their focus is seeking love at all cost. They are too blind to see the price is too high. When individuals don’t love self it obscures their view of love, because they don’t understand what it is. If a person doesn’t know what love is then they won’t know what love isn’t.

The reason people can’t see past their feelings is because their feelings is what is most important to them despite the hurt it causes. People who don’t love self are always led by their feelings. They seek what they want, which is never really what they need. They don’t understand there is a difference between the two.

If individuals would put as much energy into loving self as they do to being loved by someone their lives would be quite different. The truth hurts, but love shouldn’t ever hurt. The reason the truth hurts is because it strikes a cord. People don’t like it when their toes/feet are stepped on. It hurts! The truth is if you don’t love yourself trying to love someone else will only intensify and magnify your own issues. I’ve found that people try harder to fix and save the one they love versus dealing with their own issues. This does nothing but compile the issues of the significant other with their own; making an even bigger mess of things. This is an unhealthy relationship, but normally due to the inability to see past their feelings individuals fail to see this truth. They think they’re in love and because of it will go through all types of dsyfunction.

Most people are led by their feelings. They will do anything to be with who they want to be with despite the treatment they may encounter. People will always treat you exactly how you allow them to treat you. They will take you completely for granted if it’s what you allow. People don’t understand their worth or value when they don’t love self. All they care about is going after and getting who they want. This is because when you’re led by your feelings it prevents you from thinking clearly.

Many people find it difficult to love self because they often feel their not worthy. This mindset comes from previous experiences they never healed from. They seek all of the things they lack in self (love, security, confidence, strength, happiness, etc). It is all a part of their quest for love. It causes them to accept almost anything in their relationships.

Love starts with self. When a person learns to love self it opens their eyes to the truth. It teaches them to see past their feelings and emotions. It teaches them to use their brains to avoid bad relationships before they begin.

Love isn’t love if you first don’t love yourself. It’s not love when it’s unhealthy, when it’s forced, when it’s based solely on feelings, when its abusive in any manner, when it’s possessive-obsessive, or controlling, etc. Unfortunately individuals who are led by their feelings won’t understand this truth. They only see what they want until it’s too late.

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Life Keeps On Rolling

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Sometimes you lose a loved one through death, breakup, or divorce, sometimes you refuse to let go of someone who doesn’t want you; sometimes they die, but you refuse to move on, sometimes although abused and controlled by someone due to inner issues you stay; sometimes despite it being the wrong person and wrong situation you still proceed, etc. I can go on and on. No matter the situation when a person can’t live without another person it’s time to look inward.

Regardless of what; a person must be able to move on. When a person can’t move on there is something inside blocking their ability to do so. Those who cannot move forward has other issues that has caused this inability. Most often this inability occurred long before the relationship.

There are far too many people who depend on their significant others or oftentimes other people and when they are no longer there they aren’t able to function. There have been some people so devastated they take their own lives or at least contemplate it. There are some people who fall into depression because they can’t move on. Then you have those who can’t deal with rejection and they will take the life of the person who they supposedly love/ed.

The first problem is giving your power to others. Depending on others for your happiness is the wrong choice for anyone to make. I think it’s a bad decision to sit back while your life is controlled by someone else. I don’t care who they are, how long you been together, or anything else! It’s foolish! I know people who had losses due to death and they are absolutely dysfunctional. They don’t know how to do anything on their own, because they gave all of the control to their significant other who has now passed away.

Some people give their power because they think it will make their relationships work, they think it’s love. Other times it’s because they have been bamboolzed by someone whose intent is to lure you into giving up control. It’s done subtly and because of it people don’t realize they’re controlled until it’s too late. I’ve spoken to people who are controlled like animals but they still refuse to move on, instead they stay. All of it is due to unresolved inner issues.

If you allow yourself to be controlled you have a problem. You have inside issues affecting your ability to make good decisions and choices. If you’re a person who is doing the controlling, the same goes for you. It’s a big problem whether it’s the taker or the giver. Inner issues must be dealt with in order for people to heal and receive the strength they need to grow and move forward.

A lot of people feel comfortable given their power to others. They think it’s a form of showing love. I will say again this is a bad choice any way you look at it. People treat you how you allow. If you solely depend on someone then how you’re treated is what you’ve allowed. You lay the foundation whether it leads to being controlled, abused, or whatever)! You’re your own problem! One thing you can count on is if you give your power it will be taken.

It’s okay to grieve; whether it’s because someone died or because of a separation or divorce. However, if you can’t function because of it then it is a problem. If you don’t know how to let go you’re your own problem. Life stops for no one, it keeps right on rolling. Those who won’t move on only causes self more unnecessary issues. The fixing starts within. No one can do it for you, only you can do it. People need to work on self before entering into relationships. Show me an unhealthy relationship I’ll show you unhealthy people. Period!

There are a lot of people who think they love self, but their decisions and choices tell the truth! Most have no clue of what love is yet they seek it with passion. People do many things due to brokenness. They don’t deal with past issues in order to heal, grow, and make better choices and decisions. Things won’t change until they do. When you heal it means growth has taken place. However, it cannot happen if people continue to go through the same things over and over never making change an option! These days and times people accept how they are as if it’s how they’re supposed to be; when it’s not! Instead of seeking better they resist change, willfully choosing their unhealthy cycles. They keep finding themselves in the same situations over and over. This will always happen until the discovery of self love is made.

People don’t understand what they do to self when they give others power and control over them. It can be very debilitating, crippling, and sometimes deadly. I’ve seen it time and time again. If I haven’t seen it I’ve at least heard of it. It’s not love! It’s not love for yourself or the other person. People will do to you what you allow. Learn to move on!

The majority of people are afraid to be alone or afraid to start over. Oftentimes it’s both! It’s sad when people don’t realize when they love self the rest doesn’t matter. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying being with someone can’t be a good thing. It can!!! I am saying if its over it’s over! If you love yourself you will understand, but if you’ve given away your power this truth is hard to embrace.

If you’re going to love someone start with yourself! In loving yourself it allows you to see what’s in your face. It allows you to understand your power and control belongs to you and no matter who; you won’t give it away. It allows you the ability to move on with your life if people die or if a breakup occurs. It’s not selfish to love yourself. It’s absolutely necessary!

Power Given is Always Taken

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I was recently talking to a group of people and it never ceases to amaze me the things people are going through. Most of what people go through they’ve actually caused by allowing it in their lives. You, me, nor anyone else when in a relationship has to take anything you don’t want to take from another person. Without a doubt people will always get what they allow.

There are many people who will take anything from someone in the name of their versions of love. The people I was talking to are actually allowing their significant others to control them. They have gotten into their relationships and lost self, because self was never priority. They think it’s love to relinquish their control and power to the individual’s they are with. This way of thinking is definitely caused by some type of brokenness.

As I’ve always stated, people who don’t heal from their issues which has caused their brokenness will continue to affected by what lies within. What’s inside is always stronger, therefore it interferes with what’s happening outside. It affects all facets of an individual’s life.

Being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want you is a horrible one to be in. Being in a relationship and in love by yourself is no love at all. Being in a relationship with someone who’s cheating on you, abusive to you, disrespecting you, controlling you, manipulating you, isn’t communicating with you, their only taking from you, etc. etc, is a terrible relationship to be in and it’s NOT love! Love has nothing to do with it!

People seek love in others when they don’t love self, which causes further discord in their lives. They give up their freewill and therefore are subjected to ill behaviors at the hands of those who claim to love them. Significant others mistreat who they’re with because they know it’s allowed.

No one has power and control over you in a relationship unless it’s the foundation you’ve laid. If you don’t think you’re deserving of real love you will never have it, because you won’t know it when it comes. True love starts with loving self. People who mistreat their significant others are people who have their own issues. What’s in you is always coming out!

Allowing your significant other to control you says a lot about your confidence and esteem. Many people who are going through it don’t believe it, it’s still true. It’s a great indication you should re-examine yourself because something is most definitely wrong. Not only with you, but also with the one you think you love.

You must learn to love yourself first. Loving yourself teaches you about yourself and it teaches you about others as well. You become careful of who you allow in your life. You’ll know your power belongs to you and no one else. You will know you never have to lose yourself to be with someone. You will learn that to love someone doesn’t mean losing self. You will know love isn’t controlling, obsessive, abusive, or possessive. You won’t settle and you learn spending time with yourself is awesome!

To anyone who’s dealing with this type of relationship; it will always be the same unless you decide changing is the only option. Find yourself through self love. Deal with your issues so you can heal from them. This will change your mindset and your life!

Relationships Built on Unstable Foundations

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Some people are straight delusional. They know they are in rocky relationships yet some choose to go on to marry. It’s an immature move! Some of these people get on social media and tell all of their business. They start off talking about their relationships in positive ways, then a short time later they are talking about their relationships very negatively. I don’t know what people expect. If you start a relationship off in the wrong way, wrong it what it will be! People aren’t getting it because they simply don’t understand.

Individuals get mad when others have opinions of their relationships when they are the ones who put it on social media for the world to see. Even if you don’t necessarily want a comment if you put your business out there people will have something to say. Sometimes people know what the end will be before the individual because they saw the drama the individual chose to ignore.

Many people are getting into relationships trying to find love when they don’t love self. No other person can make you happy when you’re miserable inside. There are many people easily sucked into relationships with the wrong individuals because they can’t see past their feelings and what they want and desire. Oftentimes the individuals they want to be with have just as many issues, which leads to more chaos. They can’t see it because they are blind to the truth.

People will always overlook the truth to satisfy their desires, because to them their feelings and what they want matter more. It’s due to their wrong ways of thinking. They will always seek what they lack in others. No matter how bad it is many of them will fight to stay in their unhealthy relationships. All this does is add to their issues and pain. Yet, these types of people can’t see it until something is so bad they are forced to open their eyes to the truth. Usually it’s way past bad by then.

Sharing love with someone is great, but never if it’s unhealthy. There are many people who are in love with the idea of being in love. Problem is these individuals don’t know or understand what love is. They seek it in others when they actually don’t love self, therefore it’s difficult for them to process the truth even when it’s staring them in the face.

When a person is in tune with self they’ve learned to love self. They become aware of how they think, feel, and act. They become aware of the company they keep and who and what they allow in their lives. This is when a person can see past their feelings to the truth. The signs they see will be accepted as signs and they will adhere to those signs. When a person learns to love self it changes how they see self, people, and the world. It teaches them how to move past anyone who means them no good. They see past looks, titles, statuses, money, and material things, etc, because they know none of it teaches a person to love self and they realize none of it builds a healthy relationship or keep one together.

No one can build a healthy relationship with someone else when they haven’t dealt with their own issues. You can’t be in a healthy relationship when you’re an unhealthy person. Many people have built their relationships on unstable foundations. Then they wonder why they are struggling and going through hell. People will always be in this situation when they haven’t dealt with who they are and learn to love self. They will continue to get into bad relationships with the wrong people with bad outcomes.

When a person continues to go through the same things it’s time to take a look in the mirror. It’s time for s self assessment. Unfortunately many people would rather stay on their road of destruction lashing out and blaming then to embrace the possibility of change. They continue to make bad choices and decisions without realizing why they are doing what they do. It always goes back to the issues within. When people do not deal with their issues their issues will always deal with them by wreaking havoc in their lives.

No one can change you and you can’t change anyone. What I’ve seen in life is people focus hard on either trying to change the other person or trying to be someone they think the other person wants. Neither is a good thing! An unhealthy person is an unhappy person who will live a chaotic dysfunctional life unless they choose to change. No matter who you love or who loves you, no one changes you, but you and no one changes the other person, but the other person!

You Created Your Drama

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People are getting into relationships with folks who are already in relationship and snapping because it’s not going how they wanted. How can you think anything good is going to come out of your wrong doings? People must learn to see past their feelings; when they can’t what’s inside will always show up outside.

People are murdering folks or harming them in different ways, because they can’t deal with the drama they willfully got into. You can’t get with someone else’s significant other and get upset with the fact they won’t give you what you’re seeking. You can’t get mad because they won’t leave who they are with for you. It’s very foolish for people to subject themselves to such nonsense.

Recently a lady killed a man over this. He was a pastor (at least that is what his title was). She shot and killed him and wounded his wife. Her words to him was “you hurt me.” Go figure! You will always end up in a circle of drama when you subject yourself into situations such as this one. People do to you what you allow.

Until individuals learn to love self they will never be able to see past their feelings and emotions. They will continue to involve themselves in bad and unhealthy situations.

A person should never want what someone else has or who someone else has. If an individual wants to cheat with you, then you should tell them NO! Unfortunately too many people seek happiness in other individuals no matter the consequences. These people some of you involve yourselves with are not happy inside of self and this is why they are cheating in the first place.

If a person tries to form a relationship with you and they are already in a relationship this is the first indication they are NOT someone you should become involved with. If they are cheating on who they are with they will cheat on you. If they don’t respect who they are with, they won’t respect you. You will always be the side piece (male or female).

One thing I’ve learnt in dealing with people is how they make themselves available to a cheater. They put their life on the back burner to try and please the cheater, not understanding the cheater is always going home or wherever to the one they are with. You will always be the side piece. Don’t settle for this type of relationship.

The only thing will change a person is change itself. No one can change if they are not in the mindset to change. You can’t get into the mindset until you deal with the man/woman in the mirror. People must stop looking to other people and start looking inward. You’re your worst problem! You’re your worst enemy. Not the other person or other people, but you yourself. Until people face self drama is exactly what they will allow in their lives. No amount of money, title, status, position, or anything else will change this fact!

You don’t know love until you learn to love yourself first!

I Do Everything

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Yeah???? That is the problem, you do everything! Some people fall in love too quick. They are too eager or desperate for love and they are being led by their feelings. Too many people are in one-sided relationships, they complain yet it’s their own fault they are allowing it. Some people feel if they love a person hard enough they will love them back or do right by them. Not so! They further believe if they make it all about the individual they will love them back, but it simply doesn’t work like that!

There are many people in relationships who give everything they have yet it’s not enough to make someone love them or want to be with them. They get upset because they realize the relationship is one-sided. They don’t understand why the person won’t do right by them. They don’t get why the person don’t love them like they want them too.

Okay, if this is you and your relationship is at this point then you should know it’s really not about the other person, you should be looking at yourself. You can’t expect someone else to change, you must seek change in yourself. If a person truly love you then you don’t have to buy their love, you don’t have to be the one who does everything in the relationship. If they love you they will do their part and your relationship will NOT be one-sided.

Far too many people are in one-sided relationships, but it’s because a one-sided relationship is what they formed with the person and what they accepted. You simply can’t make someone feel as you do or even feel anything at all for you. If you want to be in love by yourself they will let you, because you won’t change them.

Many people waste years being in these types of relationships. They try their hardest to be the best they can for the person they love, yet it gets them nowhere but in a one-sided relationship; sad and lonely. I’ve seen it time and time again.

As I’ve written and stated a million times, learn to love you first. If people learn to love self they will send someone who doesn’t love them right on down the road. A person who loves self will not tolerate this in their relationship. They will understand it takes two people to have a loving and happy relationship. Many people are in love, but unfortunately they are in love by themselves. These are the types of relationships no one should want to be in.

The Jaws of Fear

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It is very sad how people allow fear to land them in bad situations and relationships. People get into relationships they shouldn’t be in then they allow fear to keep them there. None of us can get back the time we given to being bound to and tied up by fear. In a relationship the other person may be a part of the issue, but the real problem is the person who allows fear to keep them where they shouldn’t be or where they don’t want to be. If you’re afraid to leave for ANY reason; I always say you’ve stayed too long. People fool themselves into believing they are/were blindsided. Keep lying to yourself! Individuals at some point always show you who they really are. It never fails! Many miss the signs because they are blind by their feelings and emotions. By the time they can see they are then bound by fear, (to leave, to stay, to start over, to be alone, etc).

I don’t care what it stems from fear is crippling and debilitating to anyone who gives in to it. It affects many facets of a person’s life when they allow fear to control them. There are many people stuck in unhappy and unhealthy relationships, on unhappy jobs, in careers they are unhappy with, afraid to change, afraid to try something different, afraid to be alone, afraid to start over, afraid of what others will say or do, etc, etc. They totally give in to fear. It controls them, keeping them stagnant and unable to move forward.

Whatever or whoever you give your power to means you have none. It means the person or thing controls you. Fear keeps people dependent instead independent. When you fear your fear is evident in your actions. This empowers others to maintain control over you! It gives power to the fear in you to keep you where you are. People develop anxiety etc due to fear! This can lead to other issues mentally, emotionally, and physically.

The ONLY person can change your situation is you. When you give your power to anything no matter what it is (person or thing), it becomes stronger than you! Stop giving what belongs to you away due to fear. Your power belongs to you! You were meant to be strong and the very best version of yourself! No one other than Jesus the Son and God the Father completes you, but you! If you choose not to believe then at least believe in yourself! You are the only person who can complete you!

Many people look for love and validation in others when they don’t have it in self! It oftentimes keep people where they are. People allow their issues and the fear of change to hold them down and back! Today is a new day. Tell fear no more! Talk it right on out of your life. Let it take all of the junk it has set up in your life keeping you stuck right along with it! Those who believe in Jesus allows the devil free reign when they give into fear, because God’s love conquers ALL fear! If you’re a believer then you must believe it! Otherwise you allow the devil victory in your life. He doesn’t have no more power than you give! That goes for the devil in ANY form he may appear!

Take back your power, take back your life!