Walking Away From the Start

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People must learn to do this! If people would walk away from things that aren’t right from the start many wouldn’t be in the predicaments they are in. People allow how they feel for a person get them into avoidable situations. I will guarantee you if you walk away from bad situations from the start it will save you drama and stress later on. For some walking away will save their lives.

I’m not saying walk away from a relationship without ever trying to work on it. I’m saying walk away from unhealthy people to avoid being in unhealthy relationships. You do this by adhering to the signs. Stop looking at the outer appearance, stop looking at what a person has to offer. A person can be rich and completely tainted and toxic. They aren’t worth the pain and suffering of being involved with them.

Many women get into relationships with men who clearly show them they aren’t right for them, but because they think they love their men they continue on with the relationships. Many later find they made bad choices and poor decisions. Too many women go solely off of how they are feeling about the guy instead of looking at what is actually taking place in their relationships. They go into relationships thinking their men will change, trying to save them, or thinking they can fix them. This is a foolish and immature way of thinking and it leaves women in bad unhealthy relationships. They are fixated on the sex, how he makes her feel, and basically it all is intertwined into how he makes her feel. These women seem to lose a grip on reality until finally their eyes are open, by then it’s too far gone.

Too many women subject their children to unhealthy and unsafe environments by allowing people who shouldn’t be around their children into their lives. Children can’t fend for themselves, they rely on their parents. Women who are too caught up in their men to see what is going on are women who have a lot of issues they need to deal with. It’s a sad situation for these women and their children.

Many women are allowing men to beat, molest, rape, and hurt their children mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It scars children for a lifetime. These types of women need to get their heads out of the sand. A man who mistreats a child is a man who will mistreat his woman. Wake up and protect your children. Too many children are becoming victims to the hands of their mom’s significant others. These types of things cause dysfunction in the lives of children then they grow to be dysfunctional adults making bad decisions like their parents. I’m not saying all children will grow into dysfunctional adults, but many will and we see it every single day in some facet in all walks of life.

Men get into relationships for the some of the same exact reasons. They think they can save a woman or fix her. They are captivated by the outer appearance (shallow thinking). They get caught up in their sexual feelings or what is being done for them and to them. Sex is sex, period. Some men and women may perform a little better than others, but the bottom line is sex is sex. Some men; same as women think the person they are with will change or that they can fix them. Men like women; allow what they are feeling in their hearts to lead them into making bad decisions and choices. This does nothing but cause chaos and havoc in the lives of many.

Walking away from bad situations prevents worse things from happening. I don’t care how good it makes a person feels, if it’s not a good relationship it is bad and therefore unhealthy and unsafe. When people stay in relationships too long they suffer the consequences of their bad choices and decisions in one way or another. Sometimes those around them suffer the consequences as well.

No man or woman has to be in unhappy, unhealthy, and unsafe relationships. People get into and stay in them by choice until one day they see the truth for what it is and by then they feel stuck there by some form of fear. It can all be avoided by paying attention to the signs and walking away before things goes too far. Love isn’t unkind, impatience, possessive, obsessive, or controlling. It isn’t verbal, physical, or emotional abuse in no sense of the word. If someone loves you they will not want to cause you or your loved ones any pain. Many people miss this because they are too focused on how they are feeling. They miss all the signs until it’s gone too far. Sad, but true!

Another Senseless Killing

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Many of us have heard about the recent killing of a teacher by her husband of one month. He killed her and then killed himself. This man didn’t wake up deciding to kill her, he had thought about it for a while. I’ve written many posts about people ignoring the signs. It’s no joke, it’s real. People are losing their lives, because they are too caught up in their emotions and feelings to see the signs.

I heard the relatives of the deceased teacher say as soon as the couple were married they saw the true him. The relative stated the guy changed. I don’t believe it for one second. He made not have shown his true colors to her family, but I bet he showed them to her. I’m sorry, I just do not believe there aren’t signs of the truth. I believe there are always signs no matter how subtle. The man who went into the classroom to kill his wife had a violent past which included domestic violence (sign). If she knew, why would she get into a relationship with him? If she didn’t know, I’m sure signs showed his tendencies for violence; yet she still chose him.

As I’ve always said, a person can only fake for so long, the truth will always surface. Many abusers have a way of manipulating and coercing. They know how to deceive and make their victims believe they are sorry for what they did (UNTIL THE NEXT INCIDENT). Women have to stop ignoring the signs. An abuser knows what to say and what to do. They are fighting their own demons. They want to control and dominate their victims.

I talked with many people after getting out of bad relationships who all said when they look back they could see the signs, but at the time of going through they FAILED to see them. Too many people lose their lives, because they do not adhere to the signs.

I’ve said it before and will  continue to say it; if a person is afraid to leave a relationship they have stayed too long. If a person feels trapped, they have stayed too long. The ONLY way to avoid unhealthy relationships is by NOT getting into them in the first place. People must learn to see past their emotions. It doesn’t matter how good it feels a person must see past their feelings. If it’s not right, what made you laugh will surely eventually make you cry.

Women and men who allow their feelings to lead them in and out of bad relationships need to look inward. They are seeking something in others they don’t have in self; which is love. When a person really love his or herself  they WILL NOT allow their feelings to blind them. They will walk away from drama and unnecessary mess. They will not give their power to anyone else and they will adhere to the signs. They won’t have any problems with being alone until the right one comes along. They are NOT depending on anyone else to live or for love and happiness. If you’re not happy alone, you won’t be happy with someone else, because your issues compiled with their issues is a time bomb waiting to blow.

Some individuals have their on issues and because of their issues of insecurities, lack of esteem and confidence, not loving themselves amongst other things; they allow people into their lives who they THINK love them. They bring bad unhealthy people around their families putting them smack in harm’s way. They fall for any form of love to get some form of love. Unfortunately this has caused many women and men to lose their lives.

It’s great to be loved, but first you must know what love is and what it isn’t. It’s NEVER abusive, ever! The problem with some people is they become lost in their feelings. They dismiss the treatment they are receiving and the many signs present. They feel good sporadically but they don’t understand they’re in an unhealthy relationship. They allow those good feelings to make them oblivious to the truth! They believe they can change the person, they believe it won’t happen again, they dismiss family and friends telling them what they see, etc. etc. This all happens, because these individuals are blind to the truth and they want what they want; even when it’s no good for them.

Be careful and guard your hearts. Don’t allow people into your lives who will hurt you. Open your eyes to the truth. It’s great to be in love, it’s great to be loved, but make sure you know what love is and definitely what it isn’t. Make sure you aren’t seeking something in someone because of something you’re lacking or never had. If you are you may find yourself in bad relationships and oftentimes it’s a repeating cycle. These types of people have often been in similar relationships with similar type people. If a person plays roulette long enough in any aspect of their life, eventually the unfortunate happens. Many people don’t understand the things they harbor inside can lead them into making the worse decisions and choices ever! In many cases it has caused individual’s their lives. Open your eyes and see the truth for what it is, even if it means getting the heck out of a relationship before it gets any deeper.

 

 

 

 

If you Accept it you Chose it

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The post is written about people who are in relationships and accepting whatever in the name of what they think is love. Many people are in relationships never meant for them to be in. I’m currently working on a book about this. I know many before me have written on the topic and many will write about it when I’m long gone. I feel it’s time I put my opinion about it in writing. I pray someone somewhere will learn something.

It’s terrible to see people in bad relationships. Unfortunately and sadly it is a personal choice of freewill. Many people choose bad relationships due to their own insecurities derived from a host of unresolved issues. If an issue isn’t resolved it leads to other problems.

In my opinion and without a doubt people get into relationships and miss all of the important signs telling them to proceed with cautious or RUN! They think they have the power to change the other person when they can’t even change self. Does it make any sense???? First of all, if you feel it’s necessary to change someone else, then you’re at least somewhat aware there is potential for a problem to occur. Why move forward???? This is a sign straight from the start. Sadly many continue in their relationships knowing full well something isn’t right.

Sometimes I look at people and literally want to shake them to wake them up. They are caught up in their feelings about the other person and it has them totally blind. Many are disrespected, neglected, rejected, disconnected, and subjected to all kinds of things. They take and accept things from the ones they love that they themselves would never do to them.

Some people feel the person they’re with deserves the best from them, therefore they do any and everything to please the individual. However, in the midst of it they receive the worst from the individual. It makes no sense at all. Never choose to be mistreated. If you accept it, you chose it! There are no and’s, if’s, or but’s about it!

The best recommendation I can give in this situation is to STOP it before it STARTS! Too many find themselves in loveless, unhappy, and unhealthy relationships because they failed to adhere to the many signs in the beginning. Instead of treading the water they jumped right into the deep end without a clue how to swim. Later feeling pulled under and drowning due to their bad choices and decisions.

When you meet someone you’re interested in, before losing your mind, use your brain! How you start any relationship is indicative to how it will end. If you get with a person who is abusive they will certainly eventually beat you whether mentally, emotionally, or physically. If you get with a person who is already in a relationship with someone else he or she is a cheater and eventually they will cheat on you. If you get with a person who has no ambition or goals don’t expect for him or her to change, so don’t make it a problem later. If you get with a person who is into immoral things, when it becomes a problem later, remember you chose it. If you get with someone who’s beliefs are different from yours, it’s what you chose. You can’t save no one, but yourself. You can’t change no one but yourself. I can go on for days with examples.

Bottom line and the moral to it all is you can’t change ANYONE else. You may inspire someone to want to change, but the individual is the one who makes the change happen, NOT YOU! Many people have changed temporarily to get what they wanted and then reverted back to who they really are. Why? It’s because they aren’t ready for real change. It can’t be forced. If you’re struggling with trying to change someone else, the real struggle should be with changing yourself.

If you get into a relationship being led solely by what you’re thinking and feelings about the person and not looking at the big picture, I guarantee you that you will later regret it. Get out of your feelings and see the truth for what it is. Most times people are stuck on how they are feeling about the other person; dismissing what the other person’s actions are saying how they feel about them.

Falling for Someone Who’s Not Falling for You

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I believe enough is said with the title. Too many people find themselves in this type of predicament. If you know a person doesn’t feel about you the way you feel about them, why try to pursue the individual? I think it is foolish to pursue a person who’s showing signs of not wanting to be with you or who have told you they don’t want to be with you.

People who pursue individuals who don’t want them are setting themselves up for heartaches and headaches. If you’re constantly thinking about the individual who doesn’t want to be with you it will put you in a negative state of mind. The reason people can’t get over someone is because they’re constantly thinking of that person, which makes them want them even more or it makes them angry because they can’t have them.

Love yourself first, if you do this you will never put yourself in such a predicament. To further elaborate you will not want anyone who doesn’t want to be with you (regardless of the reason). You will know your worth. There are a lot of people who are mistreated, used, and abused, all because they don’t want to let go. If the person you want doesn’t want you, it’s a good chance they will take whatever you give them, do to you whatever they want, etc; because to that person you don’t matter.

Sometimes in life you may meet someone you’re attracted to and want to be with, but it doesn’t mean they feel the same towards you. Life goes on! If someone doesn’t want to be with you; enough said! Move on! When things don’t go how a person wants, people must have enough self esteem, confidence,  power, and the desire to move on.

Individuals have the right to feel how they feel. If being with you isn’t how they feel, it’s your problem and certainly not there’s. It is what it is and life goes on. Never lose yourself over someone who isn’t interested in you. Never lose yourself over someone who isn’t worthy of you. Never lose yourself over someone who doesn’t treat you respectfully. Never lose yourself over someone who is already involved with someone else. Never lose yourself over someone who is off limits. Never lose yourself over no one!! People who are feeling solely with their hearts are going strictly off of emotions and these are the types of people who always make the wrong choices and decisions.

Believe it or not people cause themselves unnecessary pain by not wanting to let go. They think if they do this and/or that the person will want them. Wrong! Don’t try to force someone to want to be with you or to feel how you feel. It doesn’t work! If a person doesn’t want to be with you there’s nothing you can say or do. Don’t set yourself up to be hurt, used, or abused. Remember I always say, people treat you how you allow. I don’t care how good you think they are, how you feel about them, how you feel around them, IF THEY DON’T FEEL THE SAME ABOUT YOU; you need to move on. You’re going off of what you feel, which by the ways, means nothing if they don’t feel the same way.

 

Seeing With Your Eyes Not Your Heart

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I know some of you will get the title while others won’t. The past 2 weeks I’ve been on a well deserved vacation. No matter where I go, I always seem to give out words of encouragement,  advice, opinions, recommendations, etc. It’s fine, I love walking in my calling at all times and anywhere.

It NEVER ceases to amaze me the many people who are dealing with similar issues. People ask your opinion, recommendation, or advice, but most times they won’t/don’t take it. Over and over without fail I’ve encountered both women and men who are in unhappy relationships. Honestly, I get it! I understand why people do what they do. Many of them don’t, but I get it. What I found is regardless of how many times you tell the truth, those who don’t want to receive it; won’t!

No matter how much information is available on relationships  people will continue to do it their way. No matter how long people go through their revolving doors of life, they will continue to do things their way. Some people hit rock bottom, yet don’t even understand that they are there. It’s so sad!!

I believe one of the most false statements is “follow your heart.” If a person is thinking right and acknowledging the truth as the truth, along with following their hearts ok, I agreed 200%. However, if a person is solely following their hearts this means they’re being lead by their wrongs ways of thinking. They are going solely off of what they are feeling and therefore unable to process the truth. They see with the eyes of their hearts and not at all with the eyes in their heads! In relationships many mess up by going solely  off of what they feel. People must understand, acknowledge, and know that their thoughts and feeling are correct. They will know it’s true by the way they’re treated. Learn how to listen to what is said and how you’re spoken to by the one you love. While you’re listening, you must see if the words line up with the actions. Love is shown through more than words, actions tell the true story!! In relationships people must see the truth and accept it for what it is and be able to move on.

What else do a person have to do to show you they aren’t as into you as you are into them???????????? If a person is unfulfilled in their relationship; they are unhappy. If a person is committed but the one they’re with is ONLY there, but not committed; they are unhappy. If a person is abused, ostracized, controlled (told what to do, how to do it, where to go, when you can go, who you can be around, etc); etc they are unhappy. If a person is being disrespected and mistreated in any form; they are unhappy. If a person gives all they have only to get NOTHING in return; they are unhappy. If you got into a relationship because you thought a baby would keep it together, but you found out you were wrong; you are unhappy. If you thought you could change him or her and found out it’s impossible, but now you’re stuck unhappily in a relationship; you’re unhappy. If you thought your love could save him or her, but you found out instead you’ve about lost your sanity and yourself in the process; you’re unhappy. If you got with them knowing they were with someone else and you found out sharing someone else’s man or woman isn’t right or easy; you’re unhappy. If a person has to walk on eggshells or are afraid of who they are with in any way, then they are unhappy. People who are unhappy in their relationships are people who are in unhealthy relationships.

I can go on for days, but I don’t have the time to do so. Individual’s must look beyond their feelings, because beyond their feelings lies the truth. See with your eyes wide open NOT wide shut. Meaning, see what is before you and not with your hearts. A person will show you EXACTLY what they think of you by the way they treat you. If you’re fine with being treated like poop, because you’re going off the feelings of your hearts, then you will be treated like poop!!!! You teach the person you’re with EXACTLY how to treat you! You are treated EXACTLY how you allow.

Too many people give the people they are with what they want, yet these people never get what they need in return from the people they are with. It doesn’t matter how much you love a person, if they don’t feel the same about you it WILL SHOW!!!! It will show in how they treat you; period! When a person is hell bent on loving a person who doesn’t truly love them in return, then what you get will be EXACTLY what you accepted and allowed. Stop being so fixated on how you feel about the other person that you are blind and start seeing and understanding what the other person feels for you.  It always shows in how you’re treated. It shows in how they speak to you, how they treat you when you’re in and out of their presence and in the presence of others. It’s shows in their faithfulness, loyalty, honesty, respect towards you (good or bad). It shows in willingness to effectively communicate with you. It shows in their willingness to share (giving and receiving) with you no matter what it is. It shows in their commitment to the relationship, and other things that are positive. In healthy and positive relationships people shouldn’t be strained, drained, or forced and it sure shouldn’t be one-sided.

Real Love is Enough

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I wanted to write on this subject because in my opinion many have the concept of love all wrong. First of all a lot of people don’t have a clue what love is about and if they don’t know what love is then they certainly don’t understand what love is not!

Love is a lot of things to a lot of people; this is because most don’t really know what real love looks or feels like. Let me tell you what love is; love is gentle, kind, patient, longsuffering (good and bad times), understanding, sharing, giving, supportive, loyalty, faithfulness, commitment, and dedication. Love is built on a solid foundation with communication as the catalyst. If couples don’t know how to effectively communicate their relationships will fail. Many don’t believe they will ever meet someone who hold the characteristics of a person who can give them real love so they settle!

You’ve seen me write many times; too many people get into relationships for the wrong reasons and in all of the wrong ways. I don’t say or write it just for general purposes. I do it because it’s true!

People get into relationships for many reasons but I believe loneliness and lust or the two biggest reasons. These are individuals who has issues with themselves such as self esteem, confidence, insecurities of some kind, and especially immaturity (although most think they are mature). It all came from somewhere!!! Their focus is simply to be with someone because it makes them feel valued or loved when they connect with someone even though oftentimes the connection is not conducive to a healthy relationship.

Over the years I’ve heard many people say that “love isn’t enough.” Yes, this is true when it isn’t “real love.” You can’t just love a person, you must also be in love with who you love. You can’t be in love by yourself, the problem is many people are! A person can love you; meaning they care about your well being, but it doesn’t mean they are in love with you, which makes a world of difference! Too many has settled with someone loving them although they aren’t in love with them. They settle because of the baggage they haven’t yet disposed of inside of them. They are going off of the emotions of their hearts and making it all about what they want and nothing about what they really need. These are individuals who are blind by their emotions!

Far too many individuals settle out of lust. These are immature folks who has a lot of growing up to do. These types of individuals are fulfilled by every aspect of their flesh. They see with their eyes and their hearts. They find themselves in the most unfulfilling relationships. Many of these people are in unhealthy and unhappy relationships. They have significant others yet they are extremely lonely in their relationships. They’ve settled!!! Looks in some way or another will disminish and so will our bodies. If relationships are based on looks and sex they will eventually fail.  Material things nor children has kept relationships together. People may stay together, but they are miserable. If people aren’t in love with who they love, it’s bound to fail and it has to go both ways, NOT just one.

People get into relationships that are bad from the beginning, yet they continue to pursue what they already know isn’t good for them. These types of people aren’t only dealing with the emotions they feel concerning the individual they think they love; their emotions also involves their own inner issues from past experiences they haven’t resolved which affects their daily functioning (thoughts, emotions, actions, which affects their choices and decisions made). If people don’t face that man/woman in the mirror it will wreak havoc in their lives.

I believe the saying “opposites attract” is true to an extent. People are different period! I believe because of this difference opposites will attract, however; individuals must still meet in the middle and get on the same accord in order for their relationships to become healthy relationships. If people aren’t on the same accord they will definitely have problems and most of these relationships will fail. A failed relationship isn’t neccessarily one where individuals are no longer together. It is also any relationship where two people remain together but they are unhappy and the  relationship is unhealthy.

Real love is enough, because it has everything to offer a person. It is a relationship that gives one not only what they desire and want, but most importantly what they need! A lot of people say they want real love, yet when they get someone with true qualities and characteristics they take them for granted because they don’t know what real love is or isn’t. They are used to their old ways and they haven’t yet matured. They change individuals, but the caliber of people they deal with are the same so when they receive real love they mess it up. There are many who let real love slip by, because they don’t know how to receive it.

I’ve mention in blogs before what love isn’t. Love isn’t abusive in any form, controlling, obsessive, possessive, separate, one-sided, impatient, and it certainly isn’t based on what one has, how one looks, or sex.

No matter what people are given, how they’re encouraged, motivated, inspired, etc; they will still continue to get into what they find out are unfulfilling, unhealthy, and unhappy relationships. It’s all about decisions and choices, if you make the wrong ones you will have to face the consequences of your actions. If you find yourself going around in circles (meaning you’re in and out of the same types of relationships), it’s NOT the other person, it’s YOU!

 

 

Seeing What You’re Shown

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When you love yourself, this is very easy to do. You will be aware and you will NOT get into anything that isn’t good for you. Sadly many won’t do it, because although they’re seeking love they don’t love themselves and they don’t have a clue what love is. The reason many will miss what is shown to them is because they ONLY see what they want to see.

When you meet someone new they will always at some point show you who they REALLY are. Problem is those on the receiving end will not grasp the truth, they will be blind by what they’re feeling, wanting, and desiring.

You know the old saying “when someone show you who they are believe it.” This is true! People are shown the truth early on in their relationships, but they downplay it, because most times the person showing it is downplaying it. Oftentimes the individual will show their true colors in the form of a cover up. There are some people who are straight forward and show you who they are, but the person on the receiving in act as if they weren’t shown a thing. Then, later in the relationship they find themselves in very bad situations.

There are a lot unhealthy relationships in this world, but it is by choice. It’s a choice to get into one and it’s a choice to stay in it. Too many people stay in relationships that aren’t good for them. Too many people GET into relationships that aren’t good for them. You can’t stay in something you NEVER got into. Right?

If you pursue something you shouldn’t purse, you will face the consequences of your actions. When you get into relationships for the wrong reasons and in the wrong ways, you will face the consequences of your actions. Period, it never fails!!!

I’ve said this before and I will say it again and again. People treat you how you allow. You teach your significant others how to treat you! You do this by taking anything they dish out. You do this by doing ANYTHING to get them or to try to keep them. They’ve shown you who they are, and when they do they are showing you EXACTLY what you will get. Many are blind to it, because they are only thinking about what they feel, want, and desire. This is a sad state of mind to be in.

As I look at the relationships of many I see the same bad choices and decisions made over and over, just different faces tagged to them. If people would stop ignoring the truth they can make better choices and decisions. Instead they ONLY see what they want to see and because of it they end up in unhealthy and unhappy relationships.

I will go out on a limb to say most people are in these types of relationships, because they’re seeking something they’ve never had. They are individuals who are full of insecurities, self doubt, and other baggage. They are individual’s who don’t love themselves. An individual who loves him or herself, is careful about who they allow into their life. They don’t fall for just anything to get a little of something and they sure don’t give another person their power. They know how to give and receive love, because they know what it is and what it isn’t.