Closed Eyes Can Be Opened

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Many people are in bad unhealthy relationships. I’ve mentioned before in other posts how if people start relationships out wrong they will end wrong. Some people get together for all of wrong reasons. There will always be consequences for it.

When a person know who they are with are willing to do anything to be with them they will use it to their advantage. This type of person doesn’t care for who they are with and will use them until there’s nothing left, until the person wakes up, or both. Individuals involved in these types of relationships always end up even more unhappy. They are already unhappy, then they get with negative people who adds fuel to the fire. It’s the behavior of two broken people.

Some individuals love when they have power over others. They love manipulating, using, and trying to control who they are with. They normally play the game very well through manipulation; making who they are with think they are genuine. When individuals are blind by their feelings they believe the genuineness is real. This negative and wrong ways of thinking has many stuck in bad situations.

Over the years I’ve seen many people subject themselves to situations they could have avoided. However, due to their negative mindsets they repeatedly find themselves in bad situations and/or relationships. They are seeking love when they don’t know or understand what love is or what it isn’t. They want to be loved when they don’t love self.

When a person doesn’t love self they will accept or allow anything. They fall for whatever feels good. They accept abuse and disrespect. The sad part is they don’t want to hear the truth nor do they want to see it. People who’s around them see it and try to tell them, but they won’t listen until their eyes open.

The scenario changes when eyes are opened. When an individual no longer pours out all they have, things drastically changes. When people no longer aacept abuse, mistreatment, control, or disrespect it changes everything. Sometimes who they are with will be angry and oftentimes become even more disrespectful. There are those individuals who despite the fact the person eyes are opened will still try to use manipulation to keep him or her. This is because although they didn’t care for the person they cared about what the person done for them (sex, shelter, money, material things, help with a job or career, etc). Sometimes things can escalate into something bad.

Sometimes a person is beat into realization either physically, emotionally, or mentally by the person they genuinely care about. They finally realize it’s not a healthy relationship and they want out. They are forced to see the truth. They are forced to deal with self. It leads them to realizing they have self worth and they deserve better. Some people get to this point while others don’t.

If people would stop always gravitating towards negativity from their negative experiences in this life they would understand experience is truly the greatest teacher. When they can see this they can grow. Instead many people are fixated only on the negative. They move through life holding in the negativity from their negative experiences. It always land people in bad situations and relationships.

Learning to face your issues, forgive, love self, and move on in life allows people to mature and grow. It helps people to progress and move forward! If not people remain stuck where they are. They will continue in life going through the same cycles of dysfunction. Unfortunately many will stay this way, because they’ve been this way for so long. They choose to continue to be led by their feelings. They refuse to face the issues that have them bound. Truth is eyes can become open, but it’s up to the individual. When a person is sick and tired they will seek change.

Anything Goes, But The Truth

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Sadly this is the world of today. Absolutely any and everything goes today. People will believe anything, but they won’t believe the truth. They won’t accept the truth as the truth. They would rather be told a lie than the truth. Sometimes I shake my head, because I watch how people are lied to and they eat it up. I would rather you hurt me with the truth than tell me a lie. The truth may hurt. However, you can learn from the truth, but if you believe a lie there’s no room to learn.

People will certainly oblige you by telling you exactly what they know you want to hear. Unfortunately the mindset of many is negative due to brokenness. They are looking for something. Many people don’t have a clue what that something is and it’s one reason they fall for anything. They believe whatever is told to them.

There is something wrong with people who would rather be told anything other than the truth! They are completely upset by the truth, even when they know it’s the truth! People like this definitely have issues they need to deal with. As long as you’re feeding them lies they will go along with it, but tell them the truth and everything changes. They can handle a lie, but they refuse to handle the truth. Something’s seriously wrong with that way of thinking!

Sometimes people don’t like other people, because they’ve heard tales about them. They don’t know if it’s true, but they go along with it. They mistreat individuals based on the lies they’ve heard! It’s sad, but it does happen.

When individuals are well-liked by people (famous are non famous) those people lie to them about almost anything. I don’t care what it is people will lie to them. They will lie to feel they are cool with them (in their own minds even though they may not know them) or to actually remain cool with them. They will lie to them out of a sense of belonging, out of loyalty, or out of a sense of connection. It doesn’t help an individual by being lied to nor does it help you to lie to someone. It stunts their growth and yours!

When people are mature, know and love self; they know they don’t have to lie to anyone to stroke an individual’s ego, they don’t have to lie to be cool with folks, they don’t have to lie to be in a clique, they don’t have to lie for approval or validation, they don’t have to lie because of the status of the other person, etc. Another important fact is when people know and love self they are wise enough to know when they are lied to!

I noticed too on this spiritual journey in life just how much people would rather hear a lie than the truth. They want their ears tickled. They want to hear the words sweet as honeycombs. Why? It’s because of the lifestyles they live. They rather be preached to and taught lies versus the truth. They prefer man”s word over God”s! They seem to believe if their pastors are teaching it then it must be the truth. Sad, sad, sad! They can’t see they’re being taught lies, because their eyes are on the pastors they’ve made their master. As I’ve said before their eyes are on the creature and not the Creator. They hold the lies in as if they are the truth and this is why many are being deceived and led astray!

In relationships individuals are being lied to. Their lies are accepted, because the people they are with would rather take a deaf ear and blind eye to the truth to stay with who they are with. This is why many are in unhappy and unhealthy relationships. They are being led by the eyes of their hearts. They can”t see past their feelings!

There is something wrong with a person who feels they have to lie and there’s something wrong with people who would rather be lied to. Until people change and learn to love self they will forever hold on to whatever is keeping them where they. They will stay trapped by their own negative mindsets. That”s the truth, the whole truth, and nothing, but the truth!

Can’t Help Who You Love Is A Lie And An Excuse

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That’s right! It is an excuse and a big fat lie that has gotten many people in terrible situations. If a person can’t help who they love they have no self control. We definitely have the ability to control our feelings and emotions if we choose to. Many people don’t think they can and it’s because of their mindsets.

There are a lot of people who’ve gotten into relationships with people who should be off limits, period! People such as relatives, friend’s significant others, married individuals, single individuals who are in relationships already, underage individuals, and those you have authority over (on jobs, in the schools, churches, etc).

When individuals want to be with someone they don’t care who it is, how wrong it is, or perhaps how dangerous it may be or become. All they want is to be with who they want. I’ve written it and spoken about it a million times. The reason people do this is because of the flesh. They want what they want at any and all costs! They’re led solely by their wrong ways of thinking, feelings, and emotions. All they can see is who they want and that’s it, because they are seeing through eyes blind by their feelings.

The main reason people are this way is they have a lot of unresolved issues and the most important one is no self love. They seek love or something in others, because they lack it in self. I know some people may feel otherwise, but it’s the truth. Think about it; if you really love yourself the last thing you want to do is cause yourself problems leading to more heartache and pain. You wouldn’t want to cause yourself unnecessary problems with some possibly leading to serious legal issues. People do this when they involve themselves with people they shouldn’t be with. Some may lead to legal issues while all lead to headaches, heartaches, and pain!

To want someone or to fall in love is all based on thoughts and feelings despite how you get to that point. You don’t start having feelings unless they have been created and fueled by your thoughts. This is true in every situation possible NOT just in relationships. When a person really wants someone they start having major thoughts of them. The more they do then along comes the feelings. People give way too much power to their thoughts and it causes them major issues.

When you love yourself it took growth and maturity to get to that point. It took a lot of hard knocks through experiences. However, once you’re at that point there’s usually no turning back! It takes growth and maturity to walk away from the wrong people and the wrong situations. You see beyond your feelings! If you are attracted in anyway to the wrong person you know to get those feelings in check quickly and you will. You have the power to do the right thing if doing the right thing is what you choose. There are always consequences when you choose bad choices and decisions!

This is only “food for thought.”

The Dead Weight of Others

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It will knock you down and out! Someone came to see me today after being hospitalized for wanting to end his life last week. He’s been trying to carry the weight of everyone else. Talking with him encouraged me to write this post. There are many people walking in the same shoes.

When individuals aren’t trying to fix their own problems, why do you think you can fix them? Many people mean well, but what they don’t realize is they’re only responsible for self. I don’t care how much you love your friends and family, to carry their weight is a unbearable burden to bear, especially when you can’t handle your own.

Too many individuals are living as people pleasers. They try to make everyone happy when they themselves are unhappy. They pretend all is well when it’s not. They try to fix everyone else’s issues when they can’t deal with or fix their own. It is a huge recipe for disaster and can lead to a breakdown. It is way too much stress to carry when you’re struggling with your own weight.

If you’re one of those people my recommendation is to own it. I mean; accept you’re this type of person and acknowledge it’s too much to handle. If stress isn’t managed it will manage you! Trying to fix everyone else’s problems leads to stress overload. You can’t do it! It can lead to anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. it’s not worth it!

When people try to carry the weight of others they become overwhelmed. They compile the issues of others on top of their own. Many people live their lives with unhealthy mindsets failing to deal with their own unresolved issues. They keep a lot bottled up inside. They smile and act as if they have it together when in truth they don’t. People dump on them because it’s what they’ve allowed. No one can stop this from happening, but you, the individual. You teach people exactly how to treach you! If you act like you’re super man or super woman then they’ll treat you as if you are. People will treat you as if you’re their own personal landfill for their garbage!

There’s no way anyone should be stressed out due to other people. I don’t care who the other people are. Allow no one to do this to you! If you can’t deal with your own issues you certainly can’t deal with those of other people. You’re not a landfill and you’re not a garbage disposal, stop allowing others to treat you as if you are. Stop trying to carry the dead weight of others. Dead weight is heavy! Your knees will buckle and down you will eventually go!

I will always say IF you love yourself you will be careful what you allow into your life. IF you love yourself the first person you will deal with is yourself. You can’t fix anyone and no one can fix you! People’s states of mind is their biggest enemy. You can love others while putting you first! When a person stop giving power to their pasts and people they change. Folks won’t like it. It’s NOT your problem! Make no excuses about it, love you, and become the best you that you can be! You can’t do this if you’re living your life carrying your own unresolved weight and the dead weight of others!

Your Feelings Are In Your Way

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I talk about self love a lot. It is absolutely necessary, because without it people subject themselves to unnecessary drama. Most times their focus is seeking love at all cost. They are too blind to see the price is too high. When individuals don’t love self it obscures their view of love, because they don’t understand what it is. If a person doesn’t know what love is then they won’t know what love isn’t.

The reason people can’t see past their feelings is because their feelings is what is most important to them despite the hurt it causes. People who don’t love self are always led by their feelings. They seek what they want, which is never really what they need. They don’t understand there is a difference between the two.

If individuals would put as much energy into loving self as they do to being loved by someone their lives would be quite different. The truth hurts, but love shouldn’t ever hurt. The reason the truth hurts is because it strikes a cord. People don’t like it when their toes/feet are stepped on. It hurts! The truth is if you don’t love yourself trying to love someone else will only intensify and magnify your own issues. I’ve found that people try harder to fix and save the one they love versus dealing with their own issues. This does nothing but compile the issues of the significant other with their own; making an even bigger mess of things. This is an unhealthy relationship, but normally due to the inability to see past their feelings individuals fail to see this truth. They think they’re in love and because of it will go through all types of dsyfunction.

Most people are led by their feelings. They will do anything to be with who they want to be with despite the treatment they may encounter. People will always treat you exactly how you allow them to treat you. They will take you completely for granted if it’s what you allow. People don’t understand their worth or value when they don’t love self. All they care about is going after and getting who they want. This is because when you’re led by your feelings it prevents you from thinking clearly.

Many people find it difficult to love self because they often feel their not worthy. This mindset comes from previous experiences they never healed from. They seek all of the things they lack in self (love, security, confidence, strength, happiness, etc). It is all a part of their quest for love. It causes them to accept almost anything in their relationships.

Love starts with self. When a person learns to love self it opens their eyes to the truth. It teaches them to see past their feelings and emotions. It teaches them to use their brains to avoid bad relationships before they begin.

Love isn’t love if you first don’t love yourself. It’s not love when it’s unhealthy, when it’s forced, when it’s based solely on feelings, when its abusive in any manner, when it’s possessive-obsessive, or controlling, etc. Unfortunately individuals who are led by their feelings won’t understand this truth. They only see what they want until it’s too late.

Life Keeps On Rolling

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Sometimes you lose a loved one through death, breakup, or divorce, sometimes you refuse to let go of someone who doesn’t want you; sometimes they die, but you refuse to move on, sometimes although abused and controlled by someone due to inner issues you stay; sometimes despite it being the wrong person and wrong situation you still proceed, etc. I can go on and on. No matter the situation when a person can’t live without another person it’s time to look inward.

Regardless of what; a person must be able to move on. When a person can’t move on there is something inside blocking their ability to do so. Those who cannot move forward has other issues that has caused this inability. Most often this inability occurred long before the relationship.

There are far too many people who depend on their significant others or oftentimes other people and when they are no longer there they aren’t able to function. There have been some people so devastated they take their own lives or at least contemplate it. There are some people who fall into depression because they can’t move on. Then you have those who can’t deal with rejection and they will take the life of the person who they supposedly love/ed.

The first problem is giving your power to others. Depending on others for your happiness is the wrong choice for anyone to make. I think it’s a bad decision to sit back while your life is controlled by someone else. I don’t care who they are, how long you been together, or anything else! It’s foolish! I know people who had losses due to death and they are absolutely dysfunctional. They don’t know how to do anything on their own, because they gave all of the control to their significant other who has now passed away.

Some people give their power because they think it will make their relationships work, they think it’s love. Other times it’s because they have been bamboolzed by someone whose intent is to lure you into giving up control. It’s done subtly and because of it people don’t realize they’re controlled until it’s too late. I’ve spoken to people who are controlled like animals but they still refuse to move on, instead they stay. All of it is due to unresolved inner issues.

If you allow yourself to be controlled you have a problem. You have inside issues affecting your ability to make good decisions and choices. If you’re a person who is doing the controlling, the same goes for you. It’s a big problem whether it’s the taker or the giver. Inner issues must be dealt with in order for people to heal and receive the strength they need to grow and move forward.

A lot of people feel comfortable given their power to others. They think it’s a form of showing love. I will say again this is a bad choice any way you look at it. People treat you how you allow. If you solely depend on someone then how you’re treated is what you’ve allowed. You lay the foundation whether it leads to being controlled, abused, or whatever)! You’re your own problem! One thing you can count on is if you give your power it will be taken.

It’s okay to grieve; whether it’s because someone died or because of a separation or divorce. However, if you can’t function because of it then it is a problem. If you don’t know how to let go you’re your own problem. Life stops for no one, it keeps right on rolling. Those who won’t move on only causes self more unnecessary issues. The fixing starts within. No one can do it for you, only you can do it. People need to work on self before entering into relationships. Show me an unhealthy relationship I’ll show you unhealthy people. Period!

There are a lot of people who think they love self, but their decisions and choices tell the truth! Most have no clue of what love is yet they seek it with passion. People do many things due to brokenness. They don’t deal with past issues in order to heal, grow, and make better choices and decisions. Things won’t change until they do. When you heal it means growth has taken place. However, it cannot happen if people continue to go through the same things over and over never making change an option! These days and times people accept how they are as if it’s how they’re supposed to be; when it’s not! Instead of seeking better they resist change, willfully choosing their unhealthy cycles. They keep finding themselves in the same situations over and over. This will always happen until the discovery of self love is made.

People don’t understand what they do to self when they give others power and control over them. It can be very debilitating, crippling, and sometimes deadly. I’ve seen it time and time again. If I haven’t seen it I’ve at least heard of it. It’s not love! It’s not love for yourself or the other person. People will do to you what you allow. Learn to move on!

The majority of people are afraid to be alone or afraid to start over. Oftentimes it’s both! It’s sad when people don’t realize when they love self the rest doesn’t matter. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying being with someone can’t be a good thing. It can!!! I am saying if its over it’s over! If you love yourself you will understand, but if you’ve given away your power this truth is hard to embrace.

If you’re going to love someone start with yourself! In loving yourself it allows you to see what’s in your face. It allows you to understand your power and control belongs to you and no matter who; you won’t give it away. It allows you the ability to move on with your life if people die or if a breakup occurs. It’s not selfish to love yourself. It’s absolutely necessary!

Power Given is Always Taken

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I was recently talking to a group of people and it never ceases to amaze me the things people are going through. Most of what people go through they’ve actually caused by allowing it in their lives. You, me, nor anyone else when in a relationship has to take anything you don’t want to take from another person. Without a doubt people will always get what they allow.

There are many people who will take anything from someone in the name of their versions of love. The people I was talking to are actually allowing their significant others to control them. They have gotten into their relationships and lost self, because self was never priority. They think it’s love to relinquish their control and power to the individual’s they are with. This way of thinking is definitely caused by some type of brokenness.

As I’ve always stated, people who don’t heal from their issues which has caused their brokenness will continue to affected by what lies within. What’s inside is always stronger, therefore it interferes with what’s happening outside. It affects all facets of an individual’s life.

Being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want you is a horrible one to be in. Being in a relationship and in love by yourself is no love at all. Being in a relationship with someone who’s cheating on you, abusive to you, disrespecting you, controlling you, manipulating you, isn’t communicating with you, their only taking from you, etc. etc, is a terrible relationship to be in and it’s NOT love! Love has nothing to do with it!

People seek love in others when they don’t love self, which causes further discord in their lives. They give up their freewill and therefore are subjected to ill behaviors at the hands of those who claim to love them. Significant others mistreat who they’re with because they know it’s allowed.

No one has power and control over you in a relationship unless it’s the foundation you’ve laid. If you don’t think you’re deserving of real love you will never have it, because you won’t know it when it comes. True love starts with loving self. People who mistreat their significant others are people who have their own issues. What’s in you is always coming out!

Allowing your significant other to control you says a lot about your confidence and esteem. Many people who are going through it don’t believe it, it’s still true. It’s a great indication you should re-examine yourself because something is most definitely wrong. Not only with you, but also with the one you think you love.

You must learn to love yourself first. Loving yourself teaches you about yourself and it teaches you about others as well. You become careful of who you allow in your life. You’ll know your power belongs to you and no one else. You will know you never have to lose yourself to be with someone. You will learn that to love someone doesn’t mean losing self. You will know love isn’t controlling, obsessive, abusive, or possessive. You won’t settle and you learn spending time with yourself is awesome!

To anyone who’s dealing with this type of relationship; it will always be the same unless you decide changing is the only option. Find yourself through self love. Deal with your issues so you can heal from them. This will change your mindset and your life!