Blind by Feelings can Lead to a Deadly Outcome

Standard

Yes, I am writing on this again. My daughter called me and told me someone who worked in her building was murdered by her boyfriend. The female went to the home they both had previously shared to retrieve her belongings and as soon as the guy answered the door, he shot her point blank in the face. This is so awful, sad, and could have been avoided.

I’ve always said and will continue to say is if you wait until things get bad in a relationship you may never get to leave. You may die in the relationship. Everyone has signs concerning our relationships, whether we adhere to them is another thing.

When initially starting a relationship people must first know who they are (self). You must first love yourself, know and understand the difference between your wants, desires, and needs. Most people don’t have a clue there are differences. When people don’t first love self, they are looking for something in somoene else that they don’t possess in self. They are led by emotions and feelings. They think because it looks good or feels good it is good for them. Wrong!! They are led solely by their flesh! They get into relationships with the wrong people for the wrong reasons.

People get into bad relationships thinking they can save or change the individaul. They think their sex is so great or whatever they’re offering is so great it will change the other person. No, it doesn’t work! You may give a person a reason to want to change, you may encourage them to change, but change ONLY occurs because the person needing to change decided it was time. If they change before they are ready they will ALWAYS revert back to who they really are, because the change was for you and not for them.

You can love a person with everything in you, it’s NOT enough if they’re an individual with a lot of issues. They need to work on self, therefore until they do they will ALWAYS have chaos following them where they go. You can’t fix, save, or change them. Those who get involved with these types of individuals oftentimes have their own issues as well. Let me put it this way. Those who stay definitely have their own issues. People who know who they are as individuals (self) will adhere to the signs and run for the hills!

I don’t care what you feel about a person, make sure you can see through the fog. People will ALWAYS in some form or fashion show you who they are and show you their tendencies early on. If you’re blind by your feelings and overwhelmed then you will most likely NOT see the signs staring you in the face! This is why people get into relationships for all the wrong reasons, with the wrong people, and in the wrong ways. They are being led by their thoughts and feelings about the person while missing all the signs the person is giving as to who they are.

People are cussed out, disrespected, physically assaulted, obssessed over, controlled early on, they are kept from other people, etc. etc. This isn’t love. Some individuals think it’s cute how a person goes crazy over them to the point of wanting to fight someone. They think it’s cute a person tells them what to wear, who they can and can’t be around, tell them what to do or demand them to do this or that. They think it’s cute how the person wants to spend all their time with them and not allow them around anyone else. They think the person playfully cursing them or smacking them is okay when they present it in a playful way. I can go on for days. These are signs of what’s to come. It is NOT LOVE! It’s a clear indication of what you can expect in the future.

The problem is many people stay; they try to work it out. Then they get to a point where they’ve stayed too long. The person is possessive, obsessive, controlling, and ALL THE ABOVE, now it’s a problem with leaving. People are afraid to leave because they know how the person will react. Some stay because they want security or they like what the person does for them, completely looking over the fact how they are treated. Many, many people have died in their unhealthy relationships when they shouldn’t have. They should have left long before the point of no return.

Stop being quick to tell a person where you live and other information you should keep to yourself until you really know who you’re dealing with. Stop being quick to have sex with people thinking it will make them want you; sex hasn’t EVER kept a relationship together. People will act according to what you tell them you want so they can give you exactly what you say you want TO GET YOU! The very thing you tell them you went through many will put you through, they will manipulate you into a relationship, because you allowed it before.

Both parties are to blame. They will be who they are, but you should always leave when you see potential for trouble. People show you who they are, but many think it’s a fluke, (a one time thing). NO it’s the real deal and many will see it! People show potential problems that individuals ignore! There are consequences of failing to adhere to the signs. People end up in miserably unhealthy and unhappy relationships or they end up dead!

Not every person with issues will allow nonsense in their lives. Some people despite their many issues still has sense enough to walk away. Thank God! However, there are a lot of people who won’t walk away. They stay and endure unnecessary drama from individauls they think they love.

People must wake up!!! Deal with your many issues before getting into relationships. Face your problems and work them out, because your problems and your significant other problems together can be a ticking time bomb! People with a lot of unresolved issues ends up with other people with unresolved issues. People are eager and some desperate for love, when they don’t really love self. People will treat you EXACTLY how you allow.

Advertisements

Seeking Love in a Loveless Relationship

Standard

I don’t know how many ways to say it or write it. You’re being treated the way you allow yourself to be treated. Loving him or her isn’t enough when they don’t love you. Stop putting yourself in situations where you’re used and taken advantage of. Stop giving everything you have thinking it will make him or her feel about you the way you feel about them. It won’t!

Love is only a figment of your imagination when you’re not loved in return. Far too many people are in loveless relationships. It’s loveless when it’s one sided. You loving him or her means nothing if they don’t love you back. If you loved yourself you wouldn’t ever allow someone to treat you any way they want. If you loved yourself you wouldn’t be desperate to be loved by someone who doesn’t love you.

Look at yourself and deal with you! Stop trying to love someone and give them your heart when you don’t even love yourself. You and your heart will be trampled on. Love isn’t one sided, not at all. A person who truly loves you knows it’s a word with action, which does NOT mean using you and taking you for granted. People who treat you this way are all for self, it doesn’t involve loving you. They know what they want and they know it’s not you! Stop selling yourself short! A significant other will stay in a relationship knowing full well their minds and hearts are many moons away! A person will ONLY treat you how you allow them to treat you! If you have no standards or requirements, then you get none! It’s as simple as that!

In these types of relationships, there is always someone else in the equation. The people you’re involved with always have other agendas. Matter of fact, they are people who aren’t happy with self. They too don’t know how to give or receive love. Love starts with you; the individual. You must be able to love yourself before you can effectively and in a healthy manner love someone else! If you don’t you will take or do anything in the name of love; when it’s not love at all!

The problem with many folks is they are too busy seeking something most never really experienced before. Instead of focusing on self they put all emphasis on the person they chose, when technically that person hasn’t chosen them. Regardless of how good a person makes you feel, if they don’t feel the same as you, it’s not about you. Sadly many people try to force something with someone when it was ever meant to be. This is why many are in unhealthy and loveless relationships.

The person you love is definitely some of the problem, but your biggest problem is yourself. People get all wrapped in their feelings and emotions allowing them to take control. Anything you have given your power to has control over you, (feelings, emotions, people, things). People who never really loved you or wanted to be with you will always show it in some way or show how. Those who deny it are denying the truth! It’s why they are in loveless relationships. They believe it’s love, but it’s not! Many people hold themselves back from true love trying to hang on to somone who wasn’t ever intended for them.

Facing Your Biggest Problem, You

Standard

It’s not him or her, it’s you! Stop trying to hold on to people who have let you go. Stop trying to hold on to a person who doesn’t feel you’re worth fighting for. It means you’re not as important to him or her as they are to you. The person you’re with must think you’re just as important, if not they aren’t as into you as you are to them. Too many live their lives struggling to hold on to people who are NOT holding on to them. It causes unnecessary chaos and drama in the lives of many.

People give their significant others too much power over their lives. They can’t function when the one’s they love walk away or simply don’t really want them. If a person wants to walk let them. Stop taking up space in your mind over someone who don’t even think of you! Some people literally can’t function because someone walked away from the relationship. I’m sorry I think it’s nonsense! It’s only my opinion. I know we’re all different. It doesn’t make sense to me to lose your mind over someone who doesn’t care how you feel.

Many people go through hell and high water to be with individuals who don’t want to be with them. When a lot of people stay it’s not that they want you, they like what you do for them and it’s the only reason they stick around. They treat the individuals they are with like crap, because they are allowed to. You have to deal with the monsters you created. Why? It’s because we teach people how to treat us. Whatever you allow it will happen! When you nip things in the bud people know where you stand!! When you allow things to continue to go on; you let people know where you stand!! The control is always yours, unless you give it away.

There are a lot of people who want to give up because the one’s they love don’t love them back. Seriously? If a person doesn’t want to be with you let them go. Trying to keep them where they don’t want to be will only prove to be a dead end and unhealthy situation. If a person is trying to hold on to someone when the person doesn’t want to be there, you must look at self and figure out what’s going on with you, NOT the other person. They’ve shown you who they are and what they want, now it’s up to you to deal with your feelings and emotions and stop allowing them to lead you in the wrong direction.

None of us can change another person, we can only change ourselves. We have to look at self and determine what we have to fix about self. Stop blaming the other person, because the other person is doing what they want to do. Life will go on even if you choose to remain stuck in place. No one is worth it. No one is worth the heartache or headache. If they want to walk, open the door for them! Same door they walked out of someone else will walk in. The difference should be you’re stronger and have more wisdom, knowledge, and understanding so not to make the same bad decisions again.

Most people look at relationships they’re in one way; and that’s according to how they feel about the other person. Hold up! Remember, you’re never the only person in a relationship, it always takes two! People get caught up in how they feel and fail to fully understand how the other person feels. A person shows you the truth no matter how subtle. People fail to see it, because they are blind by their thoughts, feelings, and emotions of the person they think they love or want to be with.

Stop doing things you feel uncomfortable with, stop trying to be someone you’re not, stop accepting any ole thing, stop allowing yourself to be mistreated, stop blaming the other person and take responsibility and ownership for you and your life, stop worrying about what the other person is doing and take care of you, and please stop giving your power to someone else.

I promise you, if you love yourself it will be enough!
You may feel lonely sometimes, but it’s better than being with someone and still lonely. Being alone is better than being with someone and in love by yourself. Being alone is better than being with someone yet separate, because they are doing their own thing. Being alone is better than being with someone who is only with you because of what you provide. Being alone can be a greater teacher if allowed. Learn to love you and you will see that no one will love you like you and if you love you, you know everything will be alright!

Individuals must learn how to see past their feelings, if they don’t they will continue to get into the wrong types of relationships, with the wrong people, for all of the wrong reasons. Happiness doesn’t start or end with anyone, but yourself; others may be a part of your happiness, but you definitely shouldn’t depend on anyone to bring happiness in your life. You first have to find it within yourself!

Do You Even Know What You Need

Standard

My question is what do you really need? Do you understand needs and wants differ? Many people are led by their wants and desires. They don’t care what they have to do to get what they want. They don’t care who toes they step on, who they hurt, who butt they have to kiss, who they have do, they don’t care if the person is married, in a relationship or what, many will still go after the person. This is wrong! They will surely end up regretting it. Most people cause their own issues by how they start out in their relationships.

I’ve said many times, people get into and stay in relationships for all of the wrong reasons. They get into relationships in all of the wrongs ways and with the wrong people who they never should have been involved with in the first place. Many find it out the hard way.

Most people don’t have a clue the type of person they need in their lives. They have too many issues and they are moving on emotions/feelings. They allow how they feel lead them into bad situations and bad relationships. Before a person can truly understand what they need, they must get past seeking what they want out of mere feelings and emotions. In order to have a lasting relationship people must look beyond feelings and self gratification and start looking at the big picture. If a person is led by their flesh they are liable to get into any type of relationship with any type of person. They are normally moving based on feelings alone.

When I write about people getting past feelings what I am trying to make people understand is that when they are driven by feelings alone they will always end up in situations they don’t want to be in. However, out of sheer feelings, desires, and wants individuals think it’s what they need when it’s not! Yes, feelings are a part of a relationship. However when a person is blind by their feelings it causes them the inability to see, accept, and understand reality due to their distorted views. When a person is all caught up in their feelings it is what they are led by. People must mature past this and to a point of seeing the truth for what it is. Although it may look and feel good, a mature persons know it doesn’t mean it’s good for them and they will know how to avoid it or keep it moving all together.

People should grow as they go through things in life, unfortunately many don’t. They continue to make the same mistakes over and over. They are people who are led by their feelings and emotions and more than likely have unresolved inner issues keeping them in the wrong mind set. Normally they don’t understand love, therefore they seek it in all the wrong ways. Love starts with self, if you don’t love yourself you will certainly have issues trying to find it in someone else. People mess up trying to get something from someone else when they don’t really know what it is, because they don’t love self. When you learn to love yourself you know and understand your value and worth. It changes how you look at things and what or who you accept into your life.

Truth is a person who doesn’t understand love will normally gravitate to people who are not good for them. They end up in bad unhealthy relationships. Many people are afraid to leave these relationships for numerous reasons. They fear losing the security they think they have, they are afraid to go because they are afraid of the person, they feel trapped, they are caught up emotionally and think it’s the best thing for them, and the list goes on. The only person can change a situation is the person in it! It starts with the man or woman in the mirror!

Walking Away From the Start

Standard

People must learn to do this! If people would walk away from things that aren’t right from the start many wouldn’t be in the predicaments they are in. People allow how they feel for a person get them into avoidable situations. I will guarantee you if you walk away from bad situations from the start it will save you drama and stress later on. For some walking away will save their lives.

I’m not saying walk away from a relationship without ever trying to work on it. I’m saying walk away from unhealthy people to avoid being in unhealthy relationships. You do this by adhering to the signs. Stop looking at the outer appearance, stop looking at what a person has to offer. A person can be rich and completely tainted and toxic. They aren’t worth the pain and suffering of being involved with them.

Many women get into relationships with men who clearly show them they aren’t right for them, but because they think they love their men they continue on with the relationships. Many later find they made bad choices and poor decisions. Too many women go solely off of how they are feeling about the guy instead of looking at what is actually taking place in their relationships. They go into relationships thinking their men will change, trying to save them, or thinking they can fix them. This is a foolish and immature way of thinking and it leaves women in bad unhealthy relationships. They are fixated on the sex, how he makes her feel, and basically it all is intertwined into how he makes her feel. These women seem to lose a grip on reality until finally their eyes are open, by then it’s too far gone.

Too many women subject their children to unhealthy and unsafe environments by allowing people who shouldn’t be around their children into their lives. Children can’t fend for themselves, they rely on their parents. Women who are too caught up in their men to see what is going on are women who have a lot of issues they need to deal with. It’s a sad situation for these women and their children.

Many women are allowing men to beat, molest, rape, and hurt their children mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It scars children for a lifetime. These types of women need to get their heads out of the sand. A man who mistreats a child is a man who will mistreat his woman. Wake up and protect your children. Too many children are becoming victims to the hands of their mom’s significant others. These types of things cause dysfunction in the lives of children then they grow to be dysfunctional adults making bad decisions like their parents. I’m not saying all children will grow into dysfunctional adults, but many will and we see it every single day in some facet in all walks of life.

Men get into relationships for the some of the same exact reasons. They think they can save a woman or fix her. They are captivated by the outer appearance (shallow thinking). They get caught up in their sexual feelings or what is being done for them and to them. Sex is sex, period. Some men and women may perform a little better than others, but the bottom line is sex is sex. Some men; same as women think the person they are with will change or that they can fix them. Men like women; allow what they are feeling in their hearts to lead them into making bad decisions and choices. This does nothing but cause chaos and havoc in the lives of many.

Walking away from bad situations prevents worse things from happening. I don’t care how good it makes a person feels, if it’s not a good relationship it is bad and therefore unhealthy and unsafe. When people stay in relationships too long they suffer the consequences of their bad choices and decisions in one way or another. Sometimes those around them suffer the consequences as well.

No man or woman has to be in unhappy, unhealthy, and unsafe relationships. People get into and stay in them by choice until one day they see the truth for what it is and by then they feel stuck there by some form of fear. It can all be avoided by paying attention to the signs and walking away before things goes too far. Love isn’t unkind, impatience, possessive, obsessive, or controlling. It isn’t verbal, physical, or emotional abuse in no sense of the word. If someone loves you they will not want to cause you or your loved ones any pain. Many people miss this because they are too focused on how they are feeling. They miss all the signs until it’s gone too far. Sad, but true!

Another Senseless Killing

Standard

Many of us have heard about the recent killing of a teacher by her husband of one month. He killed her and then killed himself. This man didn’t wake up deciding to kill her, he had thought about it for a while. I’ve written many posts about people ignoring the signs. It’s no joke, it’s real. People are losing their lives, because they are too caught up in their emotions and feelings to see the signs.

I heard the relatives of the deceased teacher say as soon as the couple were married they saw the true him. The relative stated the guy changed. I don’t believe it for one second. He made not have shown his true colors to her family, but I bet he showed them to her. I’m sorry, I just do not believe there aren’t signs of the truth. I believe there are always signs no matter how subtle. The man who went into the classroom to kill his wife had a violent past which included domestic violence (sign). If she knew, why would she get into a relationship with him? If she didn’t know, I’m sure signs showed his tendencies for violence; yet she still chose him.

As I’ve always said, a person can only fake for so long, the truth will always surface. Many abusers have a way of manipulating and coercing. They know how to deceive and make their victims believe they are sorry for what they did (UNTIL THE NEXT INCIDENT). Women have to stop ignoring the signs. An abuser knows what to say and what to do. They are fighting their own demons. They want to control and dominate their victims.

I talked with many people after getting out of bad relationships who all said when they look back they could see the signs, but at the time of going through they FAILED to see them. Too many people lose their lives, because they do not adhere to the signs.

I’ve said it before and will  continue to say it; if a person is afraid to leave a relationship they have stayed too long. If a person feels trapped, they have stayed too long. The ONLY way to avoid unhealthy relationships is by NOT getting into them in the first place. People must learn to see past their emotions. It doesn’t matter how good it feels a person must see past their feelings. If it’s not right, what made you laugh will surely eventually make you cry.

Women and men who allow their feelings to lead them in and out of bad relationships need to look inward. They are seeking something in others they don’t have in self; which is love. When a person really love his or herself  they WILL NOT allow their feelings to blind them. They will walk away from drama and unnecessary mess. They will not give their power to anyone else and they will adhere to the signs. They won’t have any problems with being alone until the right one comes along. They are NOT depending on anyone else to live or for love and happiness. If you’re not happy alone, you won’t be happy with someone else, because your issues compiled with their issues is a time bomb waiting to blow.

Some individuals have their on issues and because of their issues of insecurities, lack of esteem and confidence, not loving themselves amongst other things; they allow people into their lives who they THINK love them. They bring bad unhealthy people around their families putting them smack in harm’s way. They fall for any form of love to get some form of love. Unfortunately this has caused many women and men to lose their lives.

It’s great to be loved, but first you must know what love is and what it isn’t. It’s NEVER abusive, ever! The problem with some people is they become lost in their feelings. They dismiss the treatment they are receiving and the many signs present. They feel good sporadically but they don’t understand they’re in an unhealthy relationship. They allow those good feelings to make them oblivious to the truth! They believe they can change the person, they believe it won’t happen again, they dismiss family and friends telling them what they see, etc. etc. This all happens, because these individuals are blind to the truth and they want what they want; even when it’s no good for them.

Be careful and guard your hearts. Don’t allow people into your lives who will hurt you. Open your eyes to the truth. It’s great to be in love, it’s great to be loved, but make sure you know what love is and definitely what it isn’t. Make sure you aren’t seeking something in someone because of something you’re lacking or never had. If you are you may find yourself in bad relationships and oftentimes it’s a repeating cycle. These types of people have often been in similar relationships with similar type people. If a person plays roulette long enough in any aspect of their life, eventually the unfortunate happens. Many people don’t understand the things they harbor inside can lead them into making the worse decisions and choices ever! In many cases it has caused individual’s their lives. Open your eyes and see the truth for what it is, even if it means getting the heck out of a relationship before it gets any deeper.

 

 

 

 

If you Accept it you Chose it

Standard

The post is written about people who are in relationships and accepting whatever in the name of what they think is love. Many people are in relationships never meant for them to be in. I’m currently working on a book about this. I know many before me have written on the topic and many will write about it when I’m long gone. I feel it’s time I put my opinion about it in writing. I pray someone somewhere will learn something.

It’s terrible to see people in bad relationships. Unfortunately and sadly it is a personal choice of freewill. Many people choose bad relationships due to their own insecurities derived from a host of unresolved issues. If an issue isn’t resolved it leads to other problems.

In my opinion and without a doubt people get into relationships and miss all of the important signs telling them to proceed with cautious or RUN! They think they have the power to change the other person when they can’t even change self. Does it make any sense???? First of all, if you feel it’s necessary to change someone else, then you’re at least somewhat aware there is potential for a problem to occur. Why move forward???? This is a sign straight from the start. Sadly many continue in their relationships knowing full well something isn’t right.

Sometimes I look at people and literally want to shake them to wake them up. They are caught up in their feelings about the other person and it has them totally blind. Many are disrespected, neglected, rejected, disconnected, and subjected to all kinds of things. They take and accept things from the ones they love that they themselves would never do to them.

Some people feel the person they’re with deserves the best from them, therefore they do any and everything to please the individual. However, in the midst of it they receive the worst from the individual. It makes no sense at all. Never choose to be mistreated. If you accept it, you chose it! There are no and’s, if’s, or but’s about it!

The best recommendation I can give in this situation is to STOP it before it STARTS! Too many find themselves in loveless, unhappy, and unhealthy relationships because they failed to adhere to the many signs in the beginning. Instead of treading the water they jumped right into the deep end without a clue how to swim. Later feeling pulled under and drowning due to their bad choices and decisions.

When you meet someone you’re interested in, before losing your mind, use your brain! How you start any relationship is indicative to how it will end. If you get with a person who is abusive they will certainly eventually beat you whether mentally, emotionally, or physically. If you get with a person who is already in a relationship with someone else he or she is a cheater and eventually they will cheat on you. If you get with a person who has no ambition or goals don’t expect for him or her to change, so don’t make it a problem later. If you get with a person who is into immoral things, when it becomes a problem later, remember you chose it. If you get with someone who’s beliefs are different from yours, it’s what you chose. You can’t save no one, but yourself. You can’t change no one but yourself. I can go on for days with examples.

Bottom line and the moral to it all is you can’t change ANYONE else. You may inspire someone to want to change, but the individual is the one who makes the change happen, NOT YOU! Many people have changed temporarily to get what they wanted and then reverted back to who they really are. Why? It’s because they aren’t ready for real change. It can’t be forced. If you’re struggling with trying to change someone else, the real struggle should be with changing yourself.

If you get into a relationship being led solely by what you’re thinking and feelings about the person and not looking at the big picture, I guarantee you that you will later regret it. Get out of your feelings and see the truth for what it is. Most times people are stuck on how they are feeling about the other person; dismissing what the other person’s actions are saying how they feel about them.