Selfish or Selfless


How can you build a strong foundation if you don’t know what a strong foundation means, looks like, or what it takes to build one? I believe this is one of the biggest problems when it comes to relationships. People are eager to get into one, but have no clue what a healthy relationship involves.

In my opinion most relationships are disconnected from the start which makes it ALMOST impossible to build a strong relationship. As I’ve said many times before; people are getting into relationships for the wrong reasons and in all of the wrong ways.

People have to learn to see what they’re getting into, before they actually call it a relationship. You can’t do this if you don’t know or understand what is good for you. This means you must first know yourself. This world is full of people who are getting into relationships and trying to figure out others when they don’t even know who they are as individuals.

You can’t truly connect with someone else when you have no real connection with who you are as an individual. There are endless amounts of relationships built on the I factor. It’s all about one individual’s wants and desires. These individuals are either the one’s who are selfish or selfless. Selfish individuals seek self gratification at all cost. Although they’re in relationships it’s still about them (what I want, what I desire). They are in relationships but in their minds they’re still single and they act like single people. They are totally disconnected when it comes to their significant others. They feel they should be able to do what they want whenever they want. They don’t think of the consequences of their actions until it’s too late. At some point in these individual’s lives they learned to be this way.

In relationships selfless people care more about the other person’s well being than their own. These types of individuals have the obvious in their faces yet they are so blind by their emotions they only see what they want. Oftentimes their significant others may treat them badly, yet they only see what they want to see. They cater to the one’s they’re with and most times get nothing in return. These are the people who give and give trying to please the one they’re with. These people do and take things to please the one they’re with. It’s sad! These individuals have gone through things in their lives to cause them to be this way. There is always a disconnect in their relationships.

Until people learn who they are as individuals, in their relationships they will always be  either selfish or selfless. To know yourself is to first love and accept yourself. You must get to a point in life where you will not give people your power or base your happiness on them. It’s no surprise; people treat you exactly how you’ve taught them to treat you. They give you what you accept and allow. When a person loves his or herself they will never base their happiness, joy, or peace on another individual. They will know love is much more deeper than looks, sex, and status.

Millions of couples are very disconnected. Although they’re considered as couples reality is they couldn’t be farther apart. They don’t even know why they remain together. They are together but separated, each doing their own things. Married couples are together, but living separate in their homes. They don’t communicate in no sense of the word. They are unhappy, miserable, and lonely. This is a very sad reality for many. I don’t believe people grow apart. I believe they were NEVER connected and on one accord when it comes to love and a solid foundation. They started out wrong and never got on the path of one accord, instead they grew further and further apart (disconnected).

To build healthy relationships you must be in tune with you. If you’re not it means everywhere you go and everything you do your baggage will spill. It will corrupt all aspects of your life and ultimately the relationships you are involved with. Basically what I’m saying is it starts with you! No matter what, you must deal with you (the man/woman in the mirror)! If you don’t deal with the core of who you are it defiles everything else.

My prayer is that people learn to deal with their issues FIRST before getting into relationships. Learn to love you and embrace yourselves. The reason many relationships are messed up is people are seeking love without knowing what it is or what it isn’t. Stop waiting to be validated by other people, because most agendas are different than your own. Stand up, be strong, and most of all learn to love you!




Seeing What You’re Shown


When you love yourself, this is very easy to do. You will be aware and you will NOT get into anything that isn’t good for you. Sadly many won’t do it, because although they’re seeking love they don’t love themselves and they don’t have a clue what love is. The reason many will miss what is shown to them is because they ONLY see what they want to see.

When you meet someone new they will always at some point show you who they REALLY are. Problem is those on the receiving end will not grasp the truth, they will be blind by what they’re feeling, wanting, and desiring.

You know the old saying “when someone show you who they are believe it.” This is true! People are shown the truth early on in their relationships, but they downplay it, because most times the person showing it is downplaying it. Oftentimes the individual will show their true colors in the form of a cover up. There are some people who are straight forward and show you who they are, but the person on the receiving in act as if they weren’t shown a thing. Then, later in the relationship they find themselves in very bad situations.

There are a lot unhealthy relationships in this world, but it is by choice. It’s a choice to get into one and it’s a choice to stay in it. Too many people stay in relationships that aren’t good for them. Too many people GET into relationships that aren’t good for them. You can’t stay in something you NEVER got into. Right?

If you pursue something you shouldn’t purse, you will face the consequences of your actions. When you get into relationships for the wrong reasons and in the wrong ways, you will face the consequences of your actions. Period, it never fails!!!

I’ve said this before and I will say it again and again. People treat you how you allow. You teach your significant others how to treat you! You do this by taking anything they dish out. You do this by doing ANYTHING to get them or to try to keep them. They’ve shown you who they are, and when they do they are showing you EXACTLY what you will get. Many are blind to it, because they are only thinking about what they feel, want, and desire. This is a sad state of mind to be in.

As I look at the relationships of many I see the same bad choices and decisions made over and over, just different faces tagged to them. If people would stop ignoring the truth they can make better choices and decisions. Instead they ONLY see what they want to see and because of it they end up in unhealthy and unhappy relationships.

I will go out on a limb to say most people are in these types of relationships, because they’re seeking something they’ve never had. They are individuals who are full of insecurities, self doubt, and other baggage. They are individual’s who don’t love themselves. An individual who loves him or herself, is careful about who they allow into their life. They don’t fall for just anything to get a little of something and they sure don’t give another person their power. They know how to give and receive love, because they know what it is and what it isn’t.




Many are walking around mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically drained. Believe it or not to be this way is a personal choice. I’m sure some of you won’t agree and you have that right, however it’s the truth. Whatever power a person give to people or things determines how it affects them. If a person allow people or things to drain them, it WILL happen! This ultimately causes problems, because everything works in sync and when person is torn down in one of the areas (mind, body, spirit) there’s disruption in that individual’s life. It changes a person and most time not for the good.

RELATIONSHIPS – Far too many people give too much of self to things and people. A lot of times some people don’t love themselves yet they pour all they can into trying to give and receive love from someone else. They will take all kinds of foolishness in order to receive some type of love. In their heart of hearts it’s love they seek and they will settle for a little something rather than having nothing at all. These people end up lonelier than when they began and normally filled with regret and even more sadness.

People are so consumed with finding love they fall for anything. People are trying to save folks who are oftentimes so toxic or tainted until they become like the very people they’re trying to save. They develop mental health issues trying to save someone they love; and lose themselves in the midst of it all. I’ve seen this over and over. You can’t change anyone unless the individual wants to change his or her life. To try and do so is a personal choice. People are in this saving or fix it mode because they’re fueled by what their thinking and feeling about a person versus the truth of the situation.

EMPLOYMENT – Some people put everything into their jobs never receiving recognition or any gratitude in return. I believe we should always put forth an effort to be the best we can be. However, kissing someone’s butt (brown nosing as they call it) is not the way. For many individuals this is their way of life to get through life, they kiss up to everyone; especially at work. Some of these individuals get talked about and still never make it to the next level. They are left feeling bad and sad. In reality they think more of what the people around them or what their employers think of them, then what they think of themselves. It’s a very sad way to be. It’s depressing and draining.

Then you have those who give all of their energy and time to their jobs, because they are workaholics. They put their loved ones on the back burner until they realize it has caused separation in their relationships. People must understand they go to work for a reason and then they go home. Home is where you lay your head, if things aren’t right at home there will always be a riff in the relationship. People shouldn’t put their work before their loved ones. Stop allowing your work to drain all of your energy or take all of your focus, then you have nothing left for your loved ones. It’s not fair to them! If you’re blessed to see another day the job will be there. Learn to better manage time and most importantly always have time for your loved ones. It’s insane to work like a mad man (woman or man) to get ahead, but have no one to share it with, because you’ve pushed them away.

THE DARK PIT – I could of list many other things, but the reason people are this way is because of things they’ve previously endured. People don’t understand the core of who they are lies within them. It’s a dark pit that contains all of the mess they never got over. People carry so much unnecessary baggage around which causes them to act or react to situations in their lives based on thoughts and emotions.  This leads to bad choices and decisions, because they seek approval, comfort, and gratification at all cost. People are sponges taking in everything from everyone until becoming drained is all there is left. Think about a sponge it can only hold so much water before it begins to leak. This is what happens to people, because they give and put so much into people or things they become drained emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically. It affects them as a whole.

My prayer is people honestly face their issues, deal with them, and move on to become stronger individuals who understand that it is a choice to give people their power, peace, joy, and happiness. I pray people learn to stop desperately seeking approval from others, because once you do your best that’s enough! Either people will accept it or not, if they do great, if they don’t great! Most importantly I pray people understand that no matter how much you love a person, you must love yourself first.! Love you; first; when you do you will NOT allow anyone or anything to take the power that belongs to you!  No one or nothing will have to the ability to drain you.