AFRAID TO BE ALONE, AFRAID TO START OVER

Standard

Many in this world are in dead end relationships, but one or both are afraid to move on out of fear of being alone and/or fear of starting over. Sadly the truth is, although in a relationship, you’re still very much alone. However, you don’t understand this truth because to you although you’ve cried yourself to sleep on many occasions, you still feel some type of security, because he/she are still around. There may be many times you don’t see him or her, but because you know they will eventually come home you still have a sense of security.

Fear of being alone or starting over keeps many people in unhappy relationships. Many of you would rather know your significant other will eventually come home versus being completely alone. You’ve invested so much into the other person, but nothing in yourself and now you realize you’ve made it hard for yourself. Now you feel you have to remain in a loveless relationship for purposes of security.

For many it’s tough to be alone, but in honesty this can be a great time to grow and develop. If you base your life on your significant other you’re the type of person who makes life harder than it has to be. Loving someone and being in love is all good, but it’s complete hell when you’re in love by yourself. It’s hell when you’re with someone yet you feel completely alone. People who do this are individuals who need to really get to know who they are and what they need.

To be co-dependent on someone else gives that person power over you. You realize how powerless you’ve become when there’s no longer interaction between you and the person you’re with. You become overwhelmed with feelings of loneliness. Sadness fills your heart on many days. This is because you have no peace. You don’t completely love yourself and now the person you loved no longer loves you.

Many continue to stay out of a sense of security. They feel because they have a roof over their heads, clothes, and food to eat all is well. This is furthest from the truth. When you’re dependent on someone else for your basic needs it’s frightening to think of losing that sense of security.

Fear keeps many in places they don’t necessarily want to be. This clearly shows you’ve given your power to someone else. You watch that person move around you, but you’re not a part of that motion. You’re lonely when you have someone right there. You know your relationship is at a dead end, but fear keeps you stuck.

It’s not really about the other individual, it’s about you. You must focus on you. Learn to love yourself. Learn about you! You have to regain confidence and esteem in order to discover what is best for you. It’s okay to be afraid, but it’s not okay to stay that way! Put one step in front of the other and get on with your life.

POINT OF NO RETURN

Standard

This post is dedicated to anyone who feels they’re at a point of no return. Although it may be how you feel, it is a VERY distorted way of thinking. You have allowed your thoughts to overtake you and flood you with negative thinking, feelings, and behaviors. If you constantly embrace negativity you will lead a negative lifestyle. It’s all by choice. You can change your way of thinking at this very moment, but you must want too.

We all have gone through at some point in life and for anyone who claims they haven’t just keep on living and you most definitely will. If a person don’t know how to deal with what they go through they will keep allowing things to build up until they completely lose control and the ability to think realistically or rationally. They will focus on the negativity until they end up acting on it in some way; which almost always end bad.

I encourage anyone who feels they’re at a loss to please seek help. There is nothing so bad that if you choose you can’t get past. What pins many people down and keep them prisoner are there own minds and ways of thinking. If you feel it’s bad and you constantly think it’s bad, negative is how you will carry yourself. No one can live positively with a negative way of thinking. It can’t work, it won’t work!

It’s sad to see people giving up on life because of another human being or because of a situation. It’s so terrible to see people killing themselves and or killing others, because they don’t know how to deal with the negative lifestyle they chose.

Don’t get me wrong, I know sometimes things happen to us that are not of our doing. I get it. God knows I’ve been there more than once. However, I believe that no matter what the situation is, how a person perceive it is how they will deal with it.

Some people have gotten comfortable in their suffering. It may sound ridiculous, but it’s the truth. What I mean by this is; some people are so used to the hurt, pain, and being in that negative mindset until they do nothing but carry it around throughout their lives without trying to dump the heaviness from their minds. Holding on to negativity wears you down and out. It’s no good for anyone and it’s harmful to the mind, body, and spirit.

Those who constantly carry around this negativity are often sad, depressed, disassociated, and many things that causes them to become weak in their minds. People give too much power to negativity. People give too much power to other people and things. No one should have power over  you in that way. When a person subjects his or herself to this it causes chaos in their life.

The biggest problem is people don’t know how to love themselves. Instead they live a lifetime trying to please other people when they themselves are so unhappy. When you base your living and dying on other people you really have no focus or control of your own. LIFE ISN’T MEANT TO BE LIVED THIS WAY. Learn how to free yourself from the grip of others and live with peace and harmony. When a person is able to do that they learn how to put up boundaries against all others and things.

Enjoy your life by first learning to love you. By loving yourself you will also learn how NOT to allow anything to put you in a state of mind that doesn’t foster peace. If you feel you’re at a point where you can’t take whatever it may be that you’re going through, please I beg you to seek help. Go and talk with someone one.  call someone (friend, church, some hotline, hospital for help)  ANYONE is better than NO ONE. You NEVER EVER have to go through it alone. There are many agencies and people who can help you. It’s time for people to learn how to deal with their negative ways of thinking. A person’s negative way of thinking is what breeds those negative feelings and behaviors. Please, please, please, seek help.

I pray that you realize that it’s your own mind that’s keeping you stuck in such a fog. Somewhere along the way you gave too much of your power to someone or something. My prayer is that you understand that you don’t have to feel bogged down with this unnecessary weight and that you release all the negativity and find peace in your mind, heart, and soul.

Millions waste time on people who don’t want to be with them, people who don’t love them, things that are bad for them, depressed over things that happened to them in their past, and thinking about all of the situations that hasn’t worked out for them. The reason people can’t let go or get past the negativity is because they keep going over it in their minds. You can’t get rid of anything by holding on to it, and that’s the bottom line! If you continue to ponder on the bad things you will continue to have negative feelings about them as well. STOP wasting your lives on things that aren’t conducive to a positive way of thinking and  a peace of mind.

WHAT IS THIS UGLY HATE ABOUT

Standard

I feel such a need to talk about all of the ignorance going around in our world today. I wrote a little about this in a previous post, but I feel I should revisit this subject.

I would love to challenge individuals on the issue of skin color and racism. If you’re one of the people who are hating someone because of their skin color or race; my challenge is for you to take a look in the mirror and honestly deal with the person staring back at you. How you think, what you feel, is completely ignorant. You’re  the problem!!!

As I mentioned in an earlier post not ONE SINGLE person alive had a chance to say what skin color they got to be born in. NOT ONE SINGLE person had the opportunity to say what family they wanted to be born into. No one’s skin color or race is better than the next, NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK OR FEEL ABOUT IT.

Hating someone on the basis of skin color or race is ignorant and a LEARNED behavior. No one was born this way. Somehow, somewhere down the line this way of thinking formed from a seed planted into people who hate on the basis of race or skin color.

I break this into two, because they’re actually two different things. There are people who hate and discriminate on the basis of skin color; which means a person is discriminated against because of their skin shade (light, medium, dark). Discrimination or hate on the basis of race means it’s happening to a particular race.

The Black race isn’t the only dark skinned race other nationalities have very dark skin as well. This post relates to the Black race. If you’re hating someone because of the color of their skin YOU ARE WRONG AND YOU ARE IGNORANT.

Now if you’re going to get upset, go ahead. However, if you’ve never been told to think this way is ignorant, I’m here to tell you that it is! This is a LEARNED BEHAVIOR and a very  DISTORTED way of thinking. Why do you think YOUR RACE or YOUR SKIN COLOR makes you better when you breathe, eat, pee, crap, cry, hurt, a host of other things, and DIE like ANY person whose skin is darker than yours?

More than not racism and hatred is most often directed towards the Black race. However, sometimes it’s Black on Black. In all of my years, I’ve yet to see a Black person. I’ve yet to see a White person. I would probably faint if I saw either. I believe people are called Black as a way to degrade and put down. Blacks are called African American’s although millions were born and raised in the USA, just like many other races. I think it’s a way to degrade. SOME White’s think white is superior or supreme, but it’s NOT!

Blacks who hate on one another due to the shade of skin color  are IGNORANT. This too is a LEARNED BEHAVIOR and these types of people are just as ignorant as any other group of people who hate another race or hate on the basis of skin color.  ANYONE who’s stuck on the color of skin is a SAD, CONFUSED, AND IGNORANT person. The behavior was learned, but this type of individual has the CHOICE to change their way of thinking, feelings, and acting.

In slavery days Black people were put through hell and back, yet they stood. Many lost their lives, but those who didn’t; stood. Although many stood; many were mentally oppressed; and developed an unfortunate way of thinking. A way of thinking that has been passed down. Just as some Whites learned to hate Blacks, Blacks also learned to hate their own race, due to the shade of the skin (if it was too dark some hated it back then and today).

Blacks have been proven to be a very resilient group of people. A group of people who still fight against so many injustices in this world; yet still stand! This ability has caused the hatred to deepen. It was thought that the Black race should have been down, depressed, oppressed, and OUT! Yet, they still stand tall and have become equally successful as any other race. As long as the world remains Blacks of ALL shades will remain.

This world doesn’t belong to one single race or one shade of skin. It belongs to a host of races and shades of skin. In reality we all are from one. I don’t care if you don’t believe in God you have to have common sense to know even if the first person came from a frog, every other frog after that came from the FIRST frog, which makes all of them of the same origin, but of course as time goes on and this group breeds with that group you get different shades and different looks, etc.. BUT, ultimately we all came from the same FIRST one, which ties us ALL together. You don’t have to like it, but fact is fact!

To hate someone because they’re Black is plain ignorant and that’s the bottom line. Face your ignorance and ACKNOWLEDGE where it comes from then make a conscious decision to lay down those ignorant ways of thinking. Face your ignorance and UNDERSTAND that it is ignorance. To hate someone because they’re not of your race is one of the most ignorant things a person can do. To hate someone who is of your race, because they’re skin is darker than yours is equally as ignorant.

Blacks have been called niggers, spooks, negroes, colored, and a host of other names only to settle for being called Black or African Americans. Although born in the USA all Blacks are called African Americans. Why do you ask? I believe it’s a way to degrade, to keep reminding Blacks that HEY you were slaves at one point and from Africa AND don’t forget it. Not all Blacks come from Africa and certainly not all know about that form of slavery.

Blacks who hate on their own race have been taught this warped way of thinking and have embraced this negativity. I have so many different races in my family and EVERY one of my family member embrace them all. I thank God my family NEVER taught racism, prejudices, or discrimination against another race or prejudice or discriminatory towards anyone on the basic skin color period. If they had we may as well all drop dead, because in my family we have it all. I’m glad and I love all of my family no matter the shades of their skin and I love all people no matter the race.

It’s NOT about a flag, it’s about the individual BEHIND the flag. A flag can do anything but lie or fly wherever it’s placed. It’s the people who are behind the flag. STOP IT PEOPLE, PLEASE, STOP THE NONSENSE. Learn to love your fellowman and woman no matter the skin color. Skin color; despite of Black or White  or light or dark, it doesn’t make you one single bit better than the next person.

The truth of who you are lies within. Many are prejudice and discriminatory in their hearts, but they hide because of the positions they’re in etc. You don’t want the truth to be known, but the truth always peeks it’s head to the surface at some point.

Any and everyone who hate or discriminate on the basis of skin color or race, please STOP IT! You are wrong and you have a wrong way of thinking. Channel that energy to learn about why you feel the way you do so you can change. Stop wasting your life, time, and energy to hate, dislike, discriminate, or whatever it is. Most people who feel this way today MOST have not one clue as to why. They are going off of what they learned from someone else, something that has been passed down. STOP it! It’s time to change! Get to know people. For those who are of the Black race yet feel negative towards your brother or sister based on their shade of skin. Shame on you! You too need to change your way of thinking, because your behavior has been learned as well.

You have negative people and bad things in ALL races NOT just one and NO race is exempt. Give people a chance based on who they are, NOT based on the shade of their skin or what race they may belong to.

IT’S ONLY FOR A SEASON

Standard

This post is to encourage someone on today. Many people are sad and broken hearted, feeling as if the sun won’t shine again in their lives. I’m here to tell you, no matter what you’re going through it’s only for a season. Sometimes our season may be for an hour, or a day, week, month, or years. It’s still ONLY for a season.

Some of us don’t want to go through anything. We don’t want to have to deal with any misfortunate events in our lives, but this is a distorted way of thinking. It’s not reality. We all have to go through something at some point.

You may fall down, it doesn’t mean your out. Don’t allow what you’re going through to beat you into submission. If you submit, you lose control of the situation and the situation  begins to control you. Most people want to give up by giving completely in when all troubles are only temporary. How do I know? It’s because I’ve been there many times. You must learn not to allow ANY situation to negatively take control of your life.

A lot of times people are so engrossed with what they’re feeling that they can’t see past those feelings. Their problems begin to affect them both physically and mentally; which causes total dysfunction in their lives. When all a person does is focus on what they’re going through they lose sight of the fact that troubles only last for a season. They make everything about them and their problems. It’s hard for them anyone to believe their problems are only for a season when they deal with things this way.

I encourage you to take back control. Stop focusing on how bad you feel about what you’re going through. Believe that troubles don’t last always and know that someone else is worse off than you. You’re in it for only a season. If all you do is be negative, complain, and get down on yourself; your season will seem much longer than it is.

You’re not exempt from troubles in life, I’m not exempt, and neither is anyone else. They will come, but the good news is they will go. No matter what it is and no matter who is going through it, IT’S ONLY FOR A SEASON!

My prayer is that you understand that you’re not alone. Trust me! You’re not alone! You may feel it, but you’re not. It may be your situation, but I guarantee you that others are going through similar situations. People don’t want to hear these things, because they feel too much pain and it’s hard for them to believe things will get better. They can and they will, if you don’t give up! Get out of your feelings, because it’s why you can’t get past what you’re going through.

SETTLING AS A SIDE PIECE

Standard

All I will say is if the shoe fits wear it. You want to be the main one when you’re second in line. Why, why, why? Why do people settle for this? Why do you think you’re so special he/she will leave their spouse or girlfriend for you? Why would you want them to? Don’t you know if someone cheats with you, they will cheat on you? Stop allowing yourselves to be treated this way.

Some women and men both got the nerves to try an cause trauma for the significant other’s of the person they’re cheating with. This is absolutely wrong. You have no right to do this! Get your head out of the sand and face reality. If the man or woman you’re messing with is already in a relationship they’re off limits; whether they act it or not. People should have enough dignity and integrity that they think more of themselves then to be someone’s side piece. It means you’re second in line and you will always be for as long as you allow it.

An individual who’s in a relationship yet getting their kicks from their side piece is a person who is immature and needs to grow up. They’re not committed to the relationship they’re in and they certainly can’t commit to anyone else. If they’re cheating on their significant other they won’t be faithful to anyone else and that’s a fact.

I’ve said a million times and will continue to say; people will always do you exactly how you allow them too. If a person is foolish enough to get involved with an individual who’s already in a relationship the first person they need to look at and deal with is the one starting back at them in the mirror.

No matter how strong a TAKEN person comes on to you, get out of your emotions and see the truth staring you in the face. If you’re interested in someone you meet one of the FIRST questions should be are you married or in a relationship with someone. Don’t wait to allow yourself to get all mixed up by your emotions. This is something you need to address right away. If the answer is yes, you need to keep stepping.

Too many people out there are settling as side pieces. Most are only getting sex. Others get some material things here and there, but the man or woman goes home to their significant other. Then the side piece has the audacity to get upset and start drama when they can’t get the time, etc from the person they’re cheating with. They knew in the beginning what they were getting into. Individuals show the world how insecure and desperate they are when they get with someone who’s already involved with another person.

A lot of people get into these relationships but the individuals they’re with (mostly men) don’t want their side pieces giving up the goodies to anyone but him; while he’s getting the goodies wherever and whenever he can. They want to give just enough to the other woman to keep her wanting for more. This is child’s play! Ladies and gents stop settling for these roles. They get you no where but heart broken.

If they do it with you they will do it to you. They’ll mess with you and someone else while they’re yet in a relationship with their significant other. Why? It’s because they can’t be faithful. If they’re miserable at home then let them handle that, before they pull you into his or her drama. Love yourselves enough to avoid these type of situation. Stop allowing the emotions of your hearts to put you into situations you don’t want to be or should be in.

If someone approaches you don’t hesitate to ask them are they married or involved with someone. If the answer is yes, FORGET everything else (next thing comes the excuses), you run as fast as you can. Don’t let your heart get you messed up in the head and off focus, because of your emotions. If you ever been cheated on then you know how it feels, don’t do it to anyone else. Know your worth and value yourself. Respect yourself and your sister or brother.

May God bless you and may you grow more stronger and wiser every day.